All that Remains
by rarmaster
Summary: It's been hardly a week after the conclusion of Dead Inside, and the road to recovery is a long one. Namine won't stop having nightmares. Riku's darkness is getting out of hand. Sora's got a whole mess of problems, between his parents, and the memory of his Shadow... Plus, Xehanort's supposed to come back, and is anyone really prepared for that? - F t P verse book 5.
1. Pt1 - In which Namine has a nightmare

**AN/ **Hello! Rar here, as always, and welcome to book 5 of the FtPverse series. I'm just gonna be blunt here and say if you haven't read the rest, you probably shouldn't be here. Really. _  
_

This chapter (and every following one) will have a blog post/chapter commentary over on the FtPverse blog (on blogspot), and there will be various posts on my personal tumblr and the FtPverse tumblr about the entire book, as always. You already know this, unless you're new to the series. Don't fret about not knowing where to go: There's a link on my profile to the FtPverse blogspot, and it'll have links to all relevant tumblr posts/tags for each chapter.

Also, I never mentioned that I have redesigns for the main FtPverse cast (Sora/Riku/Kairi/Namine) done and I think they're pretty cool? Sora and Kairi's especially. There's a link to them on my profile, but if you can't find it amongst the wall of links, you can also find them on the ftpverse tumblr under the tag "outfits".

Anyway, that's it! Expect shorter author's notes in the future, enjoy, etc.

**Update March 2016: **Added chapter titles. (Style inspired by Patricia C. Wrede's Dealing with Dragons books.)

* * *

**Part 1**

**_Revenge_**

* * *

It was less a set of images, and more a set of feelings and barely grasped sounds that plagued Namine's nightmares. That didn't mean she didn't recognize what was going on. She'd had this nightmare before.

_The sense of darkness filling the room, grating against her skin…_

_The feeling of something being very, very wrong…_

_Horror._

_A sense of throwing herself forward—was that a blast of darkness she was stopping? A bolt of lightning? She couldn't tell._

_Riku's face was always the clearest. Grinning widely, but the grin wasn't his. His lips never curled like that. His eyes never glinted with that sort of malice. _

_Larxene was always there, too. Laughing? Screaming? Namine could never tell._

_"Don't struggle. It'll only make things worse."_

_Larxene's words. Riku's voice._

Namine woke up screaming.

It wasn't a surprise to find herself on the floor in Kairi's room, but it wasn't exactly a comfort either. They'd fallen asleep here last night—all four of them. Her, Riku, Sora and Kairi. She and Riku had come to tell Sora and Kairi that they intended to move to Hollow Bastion. Somewhere during the conversation they got wrapped up in telling each other what they'd all been doing for the past six or so months. The conversation took so long that the obvious answer was just to spend the night. She and Riku didn't normally need nearly as much sleep as Sora and Kairi did, being Replicas, but they were just as exhausted that night, so sleep came easy.

Riku was the first to be woken by Namine's scream—that didn't come as a surprise either. Namine found herself jolting away from him when he reached to comfort her. The image of darkness pouring from his fingertips still burned in her mind. The sound of someone shrieking. The sound of his laughter. She could almost still see the horrible smile on his face, despite the fact his features were all pinched with concern.

"N… Namine?" Sora asked, sitting up groggily. "Everything okay?"

"Just- just a nightmare," Namine assure him. Assured all of them. Kairi was pushing herself up, too, blinking at the sunlight streaming through cracks of the window curtains. Riku still studied her, looking worried, but he didn't press the matter at least.

"Oh." Sora yawned, rubbing his mouth. "Should we get up, Kai? The sun looks like it's high enough…"

"Wouldn't hurt to get up now," Kairi replied. She rubbed the crust of sleep from her eyes. She studied Namine, too, her mouth turned down in a frown.

"Y'sure you're okay?" Riku asked. He didn't try and comfort her this time. Namine felt relief flood through her, though she felt terrible about it once it had. Riku wasn't _dangerous. _Well… not to her, anyway. She shouldn't be so… terrified…

"I'm fine," she lied.

How was she supposed to tell him—tell any of them—the visions she saw in her sleep? She couldn't think of a way, so she just wouldn't.

Kairi kept sending Namine worried and distrustful looks. Namine shifted uncomfortably, and was _very _grateful when Kairi didn't open her mouth to say anything. Kairi's attention turned to Sora instead. After an initial look of confusion, understanding passed through Sora's face. Namine still wasn't quite sure how they did that. How they communicated with their eyes alone. It must've come from knowing each other for so long.

"Hey Riku!" Sora said, jumping to his feet. "I think Kairi's dad is making pancakes—maybe we should go help."

Riku sent a nervous glance at Namine. She said nothing.

"Well, uh," Riku stammered.

"Come on, it'll be fun!" Sora said. He grabbed Riku by the arm and dragged him to his feet. "The girls've gotta get dressed, anyway."

Riku stammered a few more feeble protests, but Sora still succeeded in dragging him out of the room and down the stairs.

"Alright, cut the act and tell me what's up," Kairi said, looking directly at Namine. Namine sunk down where she was sitting, her heart pounding in her chest.

"J- just a nightmare," she mumbled.

"Then tell me what's so horrible about it that's making you look at Riku like that."

Namine's throat seized. Had she really been looking at Riku funny? How funny? Had he noticed? Had she upset him? Scared him? She'd obviously worried him…

"Here." Kairi sat down over on Namine's bed. Namine wasn't exactly surprised by that, considering the bed was closer to where Kairi'd initially been sitting, plus was lower to the ground. It'd initially been just a mattress, dragged up here for when Sora spent the night. When Namine'd moved in, Kairi's father had insisted on getting a bedframe for it.

Namine went over to sit down next to Kairi. She rubbed the palm of her hand with her thumb, looking around the room. It was hardly a comfort to be back here, though she definitely preferred this room much more to the one she'd stayed in at Castle Oblivion. (Anything would be better than Castle Oblivion, actually.)

The room was small, really only meant for one person. Kairi's bed was against the opposite wall, and there was a dresser crammed next to it. The dresser only barely fit, but there was nowhere else to put it. The wall to the left was near completely occupied with the window, and the wall on the right had the door. As it was, you couldn't stand at the dresser without risking having the door hit you from behind when it opened.

There was a dresser at the end of Namine's bed, too, though it was much smaller than Kairi's dresser. Not that Namine minded—Kairi had a lot more clothes than she did. (That was largely Namine'd only been living here six or so months, opposed to Kairi, who'd accumulated clothes over the past 14 years.) A single glance told her that her stash of sketchbooks was still safe, wedged between her bed and her dresser.

"C'mon, Namine," Kairi said, snaring Namine's attention again. "Sora's only gonna be able to distract Riku for so long. You gotta tell me what's up."

Namine shifted uncomfortably.

Kairi looked at her expectantly.

"Well?"

"I- I've been having nightmares," Namine mumbled.

"No duh."

Namine's shoulders hunched, and she stared down at her lap. "Well- they- they've been… been about Riku…"

"So that's why you don't want to tell him?" Kairi's voice softened as she said it, and she shifted closer to Namine. She didn't reach out to comfort Namine, and their skin hardly touched, but there was still something _comforting _about sitting next to Kairi. The solidarity. The familiarity.

"Less… I don't wanna tell him… and more… I don't know how to," Namine said.

Understanding crossed Kairi's features.

"Is he dead in them?" she whispered. "Hurt? Or… you're… _Rewritten _and—"

"NO!" Namine interrupted, horrified. She shuddered at the thought. She'd never even considered having nightmares about being Rewritten—though that had only happened days ago. She'd been trying not to think about it too much. And even then, these other nightmares… they'd been plaguing her for so long that the images played in her eyes almost every time she closed them.

"…then what?" Kairi asked, gently.

Namine swallowed. Her eyes darted to the doorway. She lowered her voice to the quietest whisper.

"He's- he's _terrifying _in them," she explained. "And I see them all the time I've… I've had this nightmare so many times. The same thing every time. He's…" She shook her head. This was hard to pull together—no. Hard to admit. "He's… He's bathed in darkness he's grinning like a maniac and- and he's attacking someone. Always. It- It looks like- like Larxene."

Namine struggled to say the words, despite knowing that the words meant nothing to Kairi. She didn't know Larxene. Didn't know all the things that Larxene had done to Riku. And saying that Riku was _only_ attacking Larxene in her nightmares? That was putting it lightly. The details just made Namine's stomach too queasy to formulate into real words.

She didn't want to tell Kairi how much Riku wanted to make Larxene hurt.

How much this revenge meant to him.

_"Do you think scaring Larxene is a bad idea?" _he'd asked, _ages _ago. _"I've got all this extra power. This extra darkness. I bet I could figure out a way to scare her with it."_

He'd said scare.

He'd meant so much more.

But how was she supposed to tell that to Kairi? She didn't _want _to tell all that to Kairi, didn't want to find the words to explain the situation in its depth. That made it all seem too real. She wasn't ready for that yet. Wasn't ready to consider it happening. Just telling Kairi about the nightmares was hard enough.

"Well… they're just nightmares…" Kairi said slowly. The words made Namine's heart clench in her chest. _If only. _"I… I know they're terrifying, but—"

"I wish. _I wish,_" Namine interrupted. "And- and maybe- maybe they are. But I've got… this feeling… like a dark cloud hanging over my head. Like a storm- a storm just about to break, I—" She sighed. "I don't know…"

Kairi studied her, as if trying to puzzle out the pieces of her thoughts, as if they were etched on her face. "…you don't think he actually…. would…?" she asked, haltingly.

Namine just shrugged, wearily. "I wouldn't put it… past him…"

Kairi looked at her firmly.

"Do you want to keep him from doing it?"

"Y-yes!"

The word caught in Namine's throat.

"Then you should talk to him."

"He's gonna write it off as nightmares!"

"Or maybe not." Kairi's gaze only got firmer. "Who knows? You should tell him."

Namine shifted where she was sitting.

"And tell him… what? That… I don't want him doing it?"

It sounded so simple. Few things had ever scared Namine more.

"_Yes!_" Kairi shouted.

Namine jumped.

"Kairi! Not so loud!" she scolded, quickly. Her eyes darted to the door again. If Riku heard….

"No one's gonna hear us," Kairi laughed.

"You'd be surprised how good Riku's hearing is."

Maybe being able to hear them from all the way downstairs was a _bit _of a stretch, but... better safe than sorry. Especially about this. Though maybe it'd be easier if Riku _did _overhear… Then he'd know without her having to tell him.

Kairi grimaced, but when she spoke it was much softer.

"Okay but you _have _to talk to him about this!"

Namine clutched her hands together, and stared at the floor in front of her. Talking to Riku about this was the last thing she wanted to. She'd tried to once, and he'd blown her off. Dismissed her worries as nothing.

"You don't understand how much this means to him…" she told Kairi. "How much revenge means to him… what she _did _to him…"

"No, I don't," Kairi admitted. Her tone didn't waver. "But I know revenge _isn't the answer—_it can't be."

Namine said nothing.

"Do you want me to talk to him?"

She looked up at Kairi, surprised.

"No!" she protested. "N- No. He'll… he'll get all upset about the fact that I told you before I told him and that it's not me talking to him and—"

Kairi gaped at her. "_So_? That's not- that's… not even…" She shook her head, hard enough to whip her hair around a little. "Why would you even _consider _that? Why would you even…? Namine. It doesn't work like that. Who cares about his feeling so long as we get him to stop?"

_I do, _Namine said, silently. Out loud she said: "He may not take it as well from you."

"_So?_" Kairi repeated.

"I just…"

"Who _will _he take it from?"

Namine shrugged.

"Namine, _please, _you need to talk to him."

"Maybe it is just nightmares…"

"_Namine!_"

Namine clenched her hands into fists. Tried to look Kairi in the eyes.

"I mean- it's not like… I may be overreacting." She stumbled over her words, unfortunately, which made her argument so much less convincing. She swallowed the _I don't know _that formed on her lips after that. That would only put her in a worse position.

"You should still talk to him," Kairi said. She didn't even blink at Namine's protest.

"Even if it won't happen?"

"Better safe than sorry."

Namine chewed her tongue. She was probably overreacting. It wasn't going to happen—it _couldn't _happen. And even if it _was _going to… what would they do, really? They couldn't deter Riku. They couldn't.

Kairi got to her feet.

"I'll go talk to him."

"No, wait!" Namine jumped to her feet, too. "No!"

Kairi paused at the doorway. She sent a look back at Namine, hands on her hips, mouth tight. "Then _what?_"

Namine rubbed her fingers together. "I… I'll do it," she said. "I will. I just. I've gotta figure out how to… how to tell him. This isn't- this isn't exactly _easy _to… to put into words."

Maybe if she drew it, it'd make him believe it more. But the thought of putting this on paper made her want to puke. And even if she _did, _and even if he _believed _it would happen, would it dissuade him? Or would it only encourage him?

Kairi huffed. "Fine." She didn't look happy to say it, and she marched over to her dresser and opened a drawer furiously. "_Fine! _But come to me if you need any help. And if you- if you haven't told him in a week, and the nightmares haven't stopped, I'll… I'll tell him then!"

Namine swallowed.

"Okay."

She moved to her dresser to rummage out clothes to change into, too.

**xxx**

"What was that about?" Riku asked, the moment Namine's foot hit the bottom step. Her heart seized again. It felt like his gaze would bore right through her and dig the truth out.

"It's… nothing," she told him, trying not to stutter. "Just nightmares." She directed the last bit at Kairi's father—a kind man named Ren—who'd sent her a worried look. His face softened instantly. Riku's didn't.

Breakfast went well, for the most part. Riku kept sending her worried looks, and Namine kept ignoring them. Kairi gave her a dirty look once, but once Namine had mouthed _'now's not the time' _at her she'd let the matter drop.

"We're all going shopping for clothes after this, aren't we?" Sora asked around a mouthful of pancakes. "I know we all need new ones."

"Riku's paying," Namine said, hardly hesitating. Maybe it'd distract him…

"_Hey!_" he protested. The dirty look he sent her was mostly teasing.

"It's not like you don't have the munny," she replied.

Riku grumbled, but didn't protest further.

"He doesn't _have _to pay," Kairi's father began.

"It's alright," Riku said, waving the matter away with his hand. "I've got more than enough to cover it."

"How much do you have?" Sora asked.

"Somewhere over a hundred and fifty thousand," Riku replied. Sora let out a low whistle.

Kairi got to her feet. "Well, let's go!"


	2. In which Namine and Riku find a new home

**AN/ **If you've ever been curious about everyone's heights, the blog post that goes with this chapter talks about those, so check that out too!

* * *

"At least you remembered to use the door this time," Namine laughed, sending a glance up at Riku.

He hunched his shoulders, and shifted the bag that was slung over his back. The bag really only contained their new clothes—the ones they weren't wearing, of course—along with a smaller sack that contained Riku's munny. He still had somewhere close to a hundred thousand, even after buying over a week's worth of clothes for all four of them. Namine had a smaller bag Kairi'd given her, which held all of her sketchbooks and pencils.

Sora and Kairi hadn't been too upset about them deciding not to stay on Destiny Islands in favor of moving to Hollow Bastion. Well, Kairi'd been upset—and rightly so. Namine had been on the fence about the move, too, but it just felt _right _to be going with Riku. Kairi's father had been a lot easier to convince than Kairi, at least. In fact, he'd been the one to finally get Kairi to warm up to the idea.

"People you love have to move on sometimes," he'd said, with a good natured chuckle. "There's nothing you can do but let them go. Besides, from the sounds of it, it's not like you won't be seeing her again."

Namine smiled fondly at the memory. Kairi's father really was a good man.

Riku sighed on the step to Aerith's door, his free hand raised to knock. He hesitated for a long moment.

"Hmm?" Namine sent quizzical look at him.

"Nervous," he mumbled. There was an uneasy smile on his face. "What if she says no?"

"She won't."

"Maybe it's too much to ask…"

"Riku."

He lowered his hand. Namine sighed and knocked instead. Riku about jumped out of his skin, but he didn't say anything. The door was thrown open, and before either of them could say anything, Aerith had pulled Riku into a hug.

"Thank goodness you're okay!" she exclaimed.

Riku went pale. "Oh," was all he said.

Namine laughed nervously, once she'd thought about it. Riku'd been in Hollow Bastion when she'd been kidnapped by Organization 13 about three days ago. Obviously he'd departed from there, and probably worried everyone in the process. He hadn't returned since then.

Aerith let go of Riku, then immediately hugged Namine, too.

"S-sorry I didn't stop by," Riku stammered. He coughed nervously. "I- I forgot. Sorry."

"Oh don't fret over it," Aerith told him. "The important bit is that you're okay now and everyone can stop worrying! Come on in, come on in—" She stepped aside and waved them inside, pausing only after she'd shut the door. "Ah… what's with the bags?"

"Is tha' Riku 'n Namine?" Cid called. He was in the kitchen, from the sounds of it.

"Did they bring Sora? Or Kairi?" Cloud asked, stepping out into the living room.

"Do I need'ta make more sandwiches?" Cid called.

Aerith grimaced about being interrupted before her question could be answered, but she said nothing.

"Sora and Kairi stayed home—on Destiny Islands," Namine explained. "They're both okay."

"Do you want to talk to them?" Riku said. He shifted uncomfortably. The color still hadn't returned to his cheeks.

"Eventually, it might be nice, but you don't have to go get them right now or anything," Tifa said. She pushed past Cloud and plopped down on one of the couches. "How are you two doing, huh? Get everything sorted out?"

Riku nodded. "It, uh-"

"Yeah," Namine said.

Riku sent her a look.

"We did get everything sorted, and we're doing okay," Namine said, to further clarify. "It's… y'know… What happened is a long story and I'd… I'd rather not…"

…_talk about being Rewritten._

Riku's eyes narrowed as he looked at her, but finally he looked away. He didn't say anything more on the matter. Namine studied him a moment, trying to discern his thoughts. She came up with nothing. Oh well.

_There's also the nightmares to consider… _Namine thought, with a small sigh. She sent a sideways look at Aerith. She'd promised Aerith a while ago that if the nightmares became more of a problem, she'd tell. But… no. They weren't a problem. They were just nightmares.

_I hope._

"The bags?" Aerith repeated.

"Ah… well…" Riku shifted from foot to foot. "We- we were-" He coughed. "Can we… move in?"

Aerith blanched. "Uh—" she began, but didn't finish.

Namine could almost feel the dread wash over Riku. His shoulders sagged and he let out a frustrated little breath—it was almost too quiet to hear, and she might not have heard it if she hadn't known what it sounded like.

"No no! It's fine!" Aerith said, quickly. "It's fine. I don't mind if you do, I just. It. There's…"

"It's not like we don't have the room," Cid called. "People can share! This house is _huge, _Aerith. Practically what it was made for!"

"I was just trying to figure out _who _would share," Aerith finished, sounding a little upset that she'd been interrupted, _again._ Namine didn't blame her.

"Me and Cloud can share," Tifa said.

"It's not like we're staying much longer anyway," Cloud added. "Probably."

"Me and Riku can share," Namine said. Riku looked over at her, startled, but after a second more his features fell to consideration, then agreement. He nodded.

Aerith hummed to herself as she considered it, and before long, she was nodding as well. "Yes it… That'll work. That will work. Someone will have to drag a cot up to the other spare room, though—"

"Not me!" Cid yelled. Not that he exactly needed to, given how close the kitchen was to the living room. "I shouldn' be liftin' things, 'n I _definitely _shouldn' be draggin' cots up the stairs."

"I wasn't asking you to, Cid," Aerith assured him. "I'll ask Leon when he and Yuffie get back from rounds…"

"Am I not here?" Cloud asked, a touch of humor to his tone.

"Wh- oh! Right." Aerith laughed, nervously. "Would you mind, Cloud?"

"Not at all." Cloud moved to open one of the doors by the stairs. Storage.

Aerith nodded. "Riku, you'll probably have to help—"

"I can do it." Tifa got to her feet. "The two of us got the other cot up the stairs just fine the other day—I'm sure we can manage this one."

"Right," Aerith said. "I suppose that's for the better, in hindsight, Riku. Your shoulder…"

Namine watched as Cloud and Tifa wrestled a cot out of the storage room, maneuvering it to the stairs with little argument. Tifa's strength easily matched Cloud's, and they were nearly the same height, so they made maneuvering the cot look easy. That, or the cot was just _meant _to be moved around. Namine's attention was drawn back to the current conversation when Riku asked:

"So… why _is _your house so big, Aerith?"

Aerith considered the question a moment, grimacing.

"Jus' give 'em the short version!" Cid told her, poking his head out into the living room.

Aerith nodded. "My mother ran a sort of healing business," she explained. "Not that… _business _is probably the right word, considering she very rarely accepted pay. And there _used _to be a hospital here, when the city was bigger, but—"

"The short version!" Cid interrupted.

"Right, right!" Aerith waved her hand dismissively in his direction, and sighed a little. "She needed more room to hold all the patients, so she bought this house."

"But if the city had a hospital…" Riku began.

"See, Cid, they _were_ curious," Aerith said. Her tone carried no more than mild exasperation. "Not everyone could afford hospital bills, Riku, and most people didn't see the point in troubling doctors with minor cuts or headaches. Plus, in emergencies, sometimes we were closer."

"I guess that makes sense," Riku said.

Namine nodded, assuring them all that it made sense to her, too.

"So if you two are movin' in, does that mean tha' rebellion o' yours is over?" Cid asked.

"Yeah," Riku said.

Namine waited for him to go into further explanation, only to realize that he didn't intend to. Though… there wasn't much further to _say _on the matter—not of the Rebellion anyway. The Organization was dead. The whole thing ended on that.

_And I don't think he's too keen on mentioning me being Rewritten… _Namine thought. She was grateful for that. She wasn't keen on mentioning it either.

"You really don't mind if we're staying?" Riku pressed. "I mean, it is long term and—"

Aerith didn't let him finish. "It's fine," she assured him. "I promise you, you're always welcome here. Oh! That's right, you'll need sheets for that cot. Excuse me." She headed up the stairs. Cloud and Tifa had clearly managed to get the cot up there without an issue, considering they were nowhere in sight and Namine didn't hear Aerith say anything to them when she reached the top of the stairs.

"I have'teh ask, though," Cid said, leaning his shoulder against the wall. "Why is it yeh don't wanna stay on Destiny Islands?"

"It's boring," Riku answered.

"Ah."

Cid didn't even press the matter further.

"Yeh want sandwiches?" he asked.

"No thank you," Namine said. "We had a big breakfast—well. I don't want one. Riku…?"

He shook his head. "Nah."

She elbowed him.

"Thanks, though," he added, sparing a second to send an annoyed look at her.

"Uh-huh." Cid ducked back into the kitchen.

"See, I said it'd be okay," Namine said, quietly. She nudged Riku again, gentler this time, and beamed up at him. He smiled back, though he honestly looked like he couldn't quite believe this was happening.

"Alright!" Aerith came down the stairs again. "The room's all set up! It's the one you're usually in, Riku. Do you need help carrying anything? Have any other bags?"

Riku and Namine both shook their heads. Riku hefted the bag over his shoulder.

"This is all we got."

The room ended up being set up much like Kairi's room, back on Destiny Islands. Or, the beds were in the same places, anyway. The big bed, or, the _real _bed, was on the right, and the cot on the left. The dresser was up against the remaining wall, under a small window. It was the only dresser. Namine was glad that neither she nor Riku had a lot of clothes.

"Which half of the dresser do you want?" she asked, starting to unpack their clothes. Riku could've done it, she supposed, but she figured she'd save him the embarrassment of having to handle her underwear.

"I- I don't-"

"Oh, you should have the top half, since you're so tall. Duh!"

"Namine I don't care."

"Neither do I. You're getting the top half."

"Oh. Okay."

There was a pause.

"Where do you want your sketchbooks?"

"They can sit on the dresser—I'll take care of it when I'm done here."

"Right."

Another pause.

"Which bed do you want?"

Namine took a second to consider.

"Never mind," Riku said, before she could answer. "I'll take the cot."

"You don't have to—"

"It's fine."

There wasn't any talking him out of it, Namine knew, so she decided not to bother. Not that the decision immediately quashed her annoyance. Even if it was a little thing, about the beds, he did this with other things too. Go out of his way to ensure her comfort, or safety, while at the expense of his own. The thought of the other things frustrated her much more than the beds did.

She sighed.

"You excited?" she asked Riku. She looked up from folding one of his shirts to look at him.

He nodded. "Yeah! Yeah." He nodded again. He was sitting on the cot—his bed—leaning against the wall with his hands behind his head. There was a grin on his face. "I mean… I knew it was gonna happen something like this. I did. I just… still funny to have it happen."

Namine nodded and grinned back at him. She loved watching him talk about this. How he lit up. There was something about Hollow Bastion that was just so _good _for him. Something about this house…

"You don't mind, right?" he asked her. "I know you wanted to stay with Kairi—"

"I want to stay with you just as much," she assured him.

He grinned even wider.


	3. In which Sora and Kairi discuss a Shadow

**AN/ **this isn't exactly important or anything, and you probably have it figured out by now, but the update schedule for ATR is going to be (roughly) a chapter a week

* * *

It'd been the night right after they'd come home. They'd finished swimming and were waiting for their clothes to _kind _of dry—not that they'd swam in _all _of their clothes, just _most _of them. Anyway. Kairi'd been sitting wearing Sora's jacket (so she wouldn't be without a shirt) and Sora'd been shirtless and furiously wondering why it was so cold _this _late in the year.

That was the night Sora told Kairi about his Shadow.

Kairi'd been right. Their parents _could _wait another few hours before finding out that their children had returned. This conversation could technically wait, too, but there was no telling when they'd be able to really get this kind of privacy again.

(As much as his parents trusted him, he doubted sneaking out at night to go hang out with Kairi would go over well, regardless of the fact all he wanted to do was _talk _with her. He wasn't even interested in Kairi enough to, well, do the things his parents probably would _think _he'd been doing under circumstances like that.)

"Hey Kairi, you tired or anything?" he'd asked.

And that's how it started.

**xxx**

"Hey, Kairi, you tired or anything? Wanna get heading home?" Sora asked.

Kairi shrugged. "I mean I was hoping to wait until our clothes had dried at least a little more, but there's no guarantee of that happening in the middle of the night." She prodded her soaked shirt, grimacing.

"Do you mind staying out here a little longer?"

"No. Why?"

"I wanted to talk—oh. Your voice feeling better?"

"It sounds better, doesn't it Sora?" Kairi asked, rolling her eyes. "And yeah my throat feels _fine. _I didn't expect my voice to be gone long."

Sora flushed. If he'd been paying more attention, he would've realized that yeah, Kairi's voice had sounded a lot better lately. "Okay," he said.

"This about your Shadow…?" Kairi sent him a worried look, all annoyance leaving her tone.

Sora chewed his lip, but nodded.

Kairi tensed. She said nothing.

Sora swallowed. Swallowed again. Dug his fingers into the sand, gripping some of it in his fists. Where was he supposed to start? Well, he supposed there was no place better than:

"He loved me."

Kairi was silent long enough that Sora feared she hadn't heard. Not exactly surprising, considering how quietly he'd said—

"He _what?_" Kairi asked. Her voice squeaked, and she turned to stare at him, shaking, eyes wide with horror.

"He said he loved me," Sora repeated. "He—well, he didn't _say _it. But- but I could _feel _it, Kairi. I could _feel _his feelings pounding in my chest I could _feel them._" He beat against his own chest for emphasis. "Right here. I could feel it."

"…how?" Kairi asked. "How could you _feel _that?"

"There was a connection between me 'n my Shadow. I'd always been able to feel his emotions. See his thoughts." Sora's hand clenched into a fist, closing around his necklace so he was clutching something—he couldn't clasp at his shirt, seeing as he currently wasn't wearing one.

"He… _loved _you?" Kairi shook her head in disbelief. "Are you- are you _sure?_"

Sora nodded. "Positive, Kairi. I can feel it even now. Pounding at me. Threatening to crush me with its weight…" It was like there was a set of iron claws wrapped around his heart, and another set wrapped around his stomach. Anytime he thought about what his Shadow said, they'd both _squeeze _and…

"But he was…" Kairi began, but trailed off. She shook her head, ran a finger through the sand. "Maybe I shouldn't be surprised…" she mumbled. "All that time… he was talking about you…. wasn't he?"

"Hmm?"

Sora couldn't answer her, seeing as he had no idea what she was asking. Or maybe… he did…

"Shortly after I started looking for you… he kept coming to see me," she explained. "Well… he'd been seeing me before that…"

"Really?" Sora asked. He couldn't quite say he was surprised, though. The memories rolled around in his head—not that he had a very clear sense of them, just a _feeling. _A feeling like _he'd _been there, visiting Kairi, instead of his Shadow. All of his Shadow's memories were like that. And he had all of them in his head.

"Yeah." Kairi nodded. "He stopped by a lot, actually. Maybe I'm not surprised, now that I've learned who he was. If he was you—or like you—well… maybe it was comforting to be around me."

Sora let out a long breath. "I'd believe that."

"Anyway, when I was searching for you… He'd said he was searching for someone, too, not that he'd give me a name. He just said it was a friend."

"Bet it _killed _him to say that," Sora said. The words were bitter on his tongue. Then he chuckled—sharply. Because maybe it _hadn't _(figuratively) killed his Shadow to say those words. After all, if he'd loved—

Kairi looked up at him now, her eyes narrowed with concern. Her mouth was set with determination. "He was _worried _about you, Sora. He was _really _worried about you."

"And what's that supposed to do? Make me feel better?" Sora laughed—a bark of laughter, short and sharp and _oh _so bitter. "You don't understand what he was _like, _Kairi. He was… He- He was _horrible _he…"

Sora couldn't make himself finish.

Sure, before Maleficent, his Shadow had been horrible. Except… _after _Maleficent—after Sora'd gotten away from her, and after he and his Shadow had finally gotten in touch again… His Shadow hadn't been _too _horrible. Well, making him kill Maleficent aside, of course—No! Not putting that aside. You couldn't just shove something like that to the side. The things his Shadow had done were _unforgiveable!_

But… Sora just felt empty, thinking like that. Like he _wanted _to believe it, but he couldn't quite get his heart around it.

Everyone made mistakes, after all…

"_NO!_" Sora screamed, anger flaring through him. He took a fistful of sand and threw it in the direction of the water.

He didn't want to forgive his Shadow.

He didn't want to hate his Shadow.

"It- It _horrified _me, Kairi!" he shouted. "It _scared _me—hearing him say he loved me. _Feeling _him and how he- how he…" He swallowed the words, unable to finish that sentence. "It- it _disgusted _me because… because how could a creature so dark and so- so _evil—_who'd been nothing but horrible and cruel to me and- and _hurt _me…"

He reached up, raking his hand across his face, tracing his scar—the mark of his Shadow's anger. A mark he'd never lose. His hand stopped at his neck, where the scar broke before continuing to his shoulder, fingers curling around his own skin.

"How could a creature like that _love _me? How could- how could _he _love me?"

Kairi shook her head, sadly. "I don't know, Sora. I have _no _idea and wish I did so I would know what to tell you but I…" She trailed off. Sighed.

"He did…" Sora whispered. The words came out in chokes. "He did love me. I felt it. I can _still _feel it. Like it's gonna eat me. Swallow me whole. _He loved me._"

Kairi said nothing. Sora rubbed at his neck. His heart turned over and over in his chest. He'd thought talking to Kairi would make him feel better. So far, it was only making him feel worse.

Just _thinking _about all this made him feel worse.

Kairi shifted to her knees, rubbing her hands together nervously. She shifted again, so she was about leaning over Sora. Slowly, she reached out, her fingers hovering near his forehead. There was sadness in her eyes.

"Can I?" she whispered.

"Yeah."

Sora closed his eyes. Kairi's fingers brushed his skin—his scar—trailing it all the way from his left eyebrow, across his face, and then down to his right shoulder, where it eventually ended. The skin was sensitive, but Kairi was gentle, and her touch didn't hurt. Sora took a deep breath. He could hear Kairi's breath catch in her throat—a stifled gasp, or perhaps a muffled sob.

"Did- did he… _really…?_"

Sora nodded.

Kairi's hand lingered on his shoulder.

"It was an accident," Sora said. The words came tumbling from his lips. "Or- or maybe it wasn't quite one. He was just frustrated—more at the situation than anything else and I wasn't helping and- and he lashed out. I don't- I don't think he meant to hurt me maybe. I dunno." Sora realized very quickly that he hardly knew what he was saying. "I dunno," he repeated.

Tears started rolling down his cheeks.

He reached up to wipe his eyes, a little confused.

"Wh- why am I crying?" He had to wipe his eyes again, and then his cheeks. "Why am I crying? Wh- why am I…?"

He hadn't even felt the urge to cry until now. These had come out of nowhere, though they hardly felt like his. Or maybe they did. What did genuine tears even _feel _like? Where had _these_ tears come from? He felt sick to his stomach.

"It's stress, probably," Kairi said. She shrugged. "It's okay…. Crying's probably perfectly normal right now…." She moved her hand to rub his back, and shifted her weight so she was sitting again.

Sora buried his face in his hands. The tears wouldn't stop falling. "Wh- what am I supposed to do?" he sobbed. "Wh- wh… how… How am I supposed to- to _live _knowing that he _loved _me? Kn- knowing that he—"

"I don't know." Kairi shook her head. Her shoulders seemed to shake a little. "I- I don't know, Sora. I just don't know." Her fingers clenched into a fist against his back. She hung her head. "I- I wanna say that we're not getting the whole picture or- or something wise and dumb like that but- but it makes me _sick _to think of defending him!" Her voice rose to a shout.

Sora flinched only a little—she was right next to his ear, so the shouting startled him, but he was fairly used to this after nearly fifteen years with Kairi. He opened his mouth to speak, but Kairi just kept ranting. That didn't surprise him either.

"After what he did!?" Kairi demanded. "He- he _betrayed _me. I… I thought he was my friend, and yet… he… …to me and… and _to you._" She shifted to face him again, reached out to touch his cheek—his scar. "If he- if he _loved _you, then- then _why _did he hurt you?"

"It was an accident," was all Sora could say.

He didn't even know how he knew that, or if he believed it.

"Was it?" Kairi asked.

Sora shrugged.

There was so much in his head now, now that he had his Shadow's memories, boiling inside him. So many moments like that one, moments he remembered with conflicting emotions. Disgust, but enjoyment. Shock, but disgust. Horror, and agony. Trying to process it all just made him sick.

"I don't want to defend him either, Kairi," he said. "I don't. _Trust me. _After all those battles. All those months running from him. Fighting him. Staying away from home because I was afraid he'd hurt you. Staying away from _anywhere _because I was afraid of him hurting _anyone _I cared about. And- and yet…" He wiped his nose, now—wiping his eyes was useless. "People- people can change, I guess, I just—"

_I just… what?_

People could change, but could Shadows? They weren't human.

It'd been so much easier when he could just say he hated his Shadow and move on with his life…

…but had he ever really _hated _his Shadow?

Now thinking about his Shadow just made Sora upset. He wasn't disgusted, really—he was confused. Conflicted. What was he even _supposed _to feel about this?

Kairi's hand fell away from his face.

"How- _how _could he love me?" Sora choked. As if that was all it came down to. He raised his face to the stars and shouted in frustration—"_How could he love me!?_"—as if he could blame his Shadow for it.

You couldn't blame someone for falling in love.

"I'm sorry." Kairi gripped his shoulder, to steady him. "I'm sorry—I wish I had an answer for you but _I don't._"

Sora squeezed his eyes shut. They hurt so much from all this crying.

"He- he _begged_ me to kill him, Kairi," he said. "He literally _got on his knees _and b-_begged _me. He- he said he couldn't do this anymore and…"

Sora took a shuddering breath. It took all his strength to resist the urge to scream at the sky again.

"And… And I think I understand… especially now," he whispered. "Living- living with this weight is _horrible. _It's only been a few hours, but- but I don't know how I'd survive any longer. I don't know- don't know how _he _survived as long as he did."

_Because he couldn't die by any hand but my own…_

The thought made Sora cry even harder.

_He said he'd tried to kill himself, but it hadn't worked. It hadn't worked so- so he made _me—

"But it's only been a few hours!" Kairi argued. "Maybe- maybe the feeling will fade over time."

"It didn't for him…"

The firmness—the _desperation—_in Kairi's voice when she replied made Sora's heart clench.

"It _has to _for you. Dying is _not _an option."

That was just it.

"IT SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN FOR _HIM!_" Sora screamed. "I shouldn't have had to kill him! I didn't _want _to!"

Dying shouldn't have had to be an option. There had to have been _some _reason for his Shadow to keep living. Forget all Sora's mixed feelings about him! Dying _shouldn't _have been an option for him.

"Sora, I'm _sorry,_" Kairi repeated. This had to have been the billionth time she'd said it. "That must've _stunk _but I—"

"I didn't want to! _I DIDN'T WANT TO!_"

Sora pounded at his chest, screamed at the sky again. As if the heavens would find some way to repay him if he screamed at them long enough. As if his Shadow could still hear him.

It was so unfair. The memories just kept washing over him. His Shadow on his hands and knees, tears streaming down his face. Tears streaming down his _own _face, as his voice fought to leave his lips.

It was so unfair.

The battle his Shadow wouldn't fight—that _he_ didn't want to fight. Finally raising his blade. How heavy his arms had felt. How all he wanted to do was cry, and not shove his blade through his Shadow's chest.

How his Shadow had thanked him, smiled, like he'd never been happier. Like he'd finally gotten his release.

Sora hoped wherever his Shadow was now—dissipated entirely, or in some sort of afterlife… Sora hoped he'd found his peace. It was the worst way to _get _peace, but… if at least _one _of them was happy…

"I- I didn't- I didn't _want _to…" Sora sobbed.

Kairi wrapped her arms around him and held him tight. She smelled like saltwater and sweat. Her hands pressed grains of sand into his skin, but Sora was grateful. So _terribly _grateful. That she was here. That he didn't have to face all the feelings roaring in his chest all by himself.

"I'm sorry," Kairi whispered, and her voice cracked. "_I'm so sorry._"

Sora clutched at her for an anchor, curling in on himself. He couldn't do anything more than cry anymore. He didn't think he'd be able to do anything _but _cry for a long while.

**xxx**

Sora rolled over in his bed and squeezed his eyes shut even harder, as if it would make the room any darker, as if it'd block out his roiling thoughts.

_I just want to sleep. I don't want to have to mull over this every night before I go to bed. I just want to sleep…_

It was hard to do.

It'd been a few days, but the conversation still jostled around in Sora's head. He didn't feel much better about the whole ordeal now, either. He was _still _trying to process it. Make peace with killing his Shadow. Make himself _somehow _accept the fact his Shadow loved him.

It still weight heavy on his chest.

He wanted the weight to go away.

_He loved me…_

_ He hates me…_

_ He loved me._

Sora pulled the pillow over his head and tried very, _very _hard to block it all out. When he finally fell asleep, it was a long time later, and the thoughts and memories kept spinning around in his head even in his dreams.


	4. In which Sora and Kairi visit HB

**AN/ **I'd say I'm sorry for the late(ish) update, but I'm really not? I severely miscalculated how my update schedule would coincide with magik's so I'm in no rush to upload things.

* * *

Riku eyed Sora warily from across the table. He kept yawning, covering it with his hand, and even the looks he sent Kairi were weary. Sora and Kairi had come to visit Hollow Bastion, and of course everyone wanted to know what'd happened to them too. They were all sitting at the table as Sora and Kairi filled everyone in on what Riku and Namine hadn't mentioned over the past week. Neither of them brought up Namine being Rewritten, though, and it wasn't until Sora was asked about his Shadow that he said anything on the matter.

"Oh? He's… he's gone…" Sora let out a long breath, drumming his fingers against the edge of the table. "He's… finished. I… y'know…"

He trailed off there, sending a brief look at Kairi.

"You don't sound very happy about it," Yuffie said. Her elbow knocked against Riku's as she leaned forward on the table.

Sora's drumming became a little more aggressive. He sent another look to Kairi, on his left, then sent a hesitant look to his right, where Cloud was sitting. Actually, if Riku trusted his eyes, it looked like Sora looked _past _Cloud and at Tifa.

"Maybe I didn't want to kill him…" Sora mumbled. He stopped drumming, leaned back in his chair. He looked exhausted.

"It's for the better," Cloud said, looking sternly at him.

Sora only shrugged. Riku thought he saw him mutter something that looked like 'sure'.

Leon leaned back in his chair, though Riku figured that had more to do with trying to see past Yuffie than anything else. "Why didn't you want to kill him…?" he asked, slowly.

Sora shook his head. "I don't think… I ever wanted to kill him. I just… I figured I had to." He wouldn't look anyone in the eye—not anyone who wasn't Kairi anyway. He shrugged again. "I guess… guess it didn't… it didn't feel right, that's all. When it came down to it."

Tifa tried to press the matter, but Cloud put a hand before her, signaling her to drop it. The conversation continued—not that there was much left to discuss. Sora rarely looked up again. Kairi kept sending looks at Namine, but every time Riku turned to Namine, she acted like nothing was wrong.

"Something up?" he asked her.

She looked up at him, hesitating a long, _long _moment before saying no, nothing was wrong.

He knew she was lying.

"Namine—"

"Not now. Please."

Riku wanted to ask further, but Sora caught his attention across the table, mouthing the words 'can I talk to you?'. Riku sighed, sending one last look at Namine, before nodding. What'd he done, though, to upset Namine like this? Surely he'd said something, but…

The conversation eventually dwindled, and everyone left to do their own things. Namine and Kairi headed upstairs to talk. Sora waited until everyone had left the table, then meet Riku's eye. Riku shifted a little in his seat.

"Yeah?"

"Have you… have you ever killed anyone?"

Riku raised his eyebrows. Of all questions…

"Sora…" he began.

Realization washed over Sora's face. "Oh. Right. That was a dumb question."

Riku shrugged. He couldn't exactly deny that.

"Never mind," Sora said, pushing his chair away from the table and getting to his feet.

"Wait, hang on, why'd you wanna know?" Riku nearly got to his feet too, only to remember how _tall _he felt standing next to Sora. He didn't like how it felt like he was towering over everyone all the time. Even with him sitting and Sora standing, Sora hardly had inches on him. Standing, Riku was at least two inches taller than Leon. At least.

"Just wanted to know if you feel as gross about it as I do, but you wouldn't. You were built to be a killer."

Riku let out a long breath, unsure of what to say. He licked his lips. Sora's words had a certain sting to them—his choice of the word _built _rather than _born, _paired with the solemn look in his eyes and the certainty in his tone. He didn't even look angry. He only looked resigned.

"Sorry…" Riku said, slowly.

Sora waved the apology away.

"That's alright. Nothing you can do about it."

Riku shrugged. "I can try to talk…?"

"No, you can't, because you don't understand, either—unless you've been up all night puking over it? Didn't think so."

Riku swallowed.

"Is this… is this about your Shadow?"

Sora rolled his eyes. There was a sharpness in his voice, now, as he spoke. "It's about everyone. All of them!" Then he grimaced; reconsidered. "Maybe not Ansem. And I can't say I'm too sorry to see Maleficent go, just wish it hadn't happened the way it did."

Riku wet his lips. He knew this was dangerous territory, and that Sora'd basically already answered, but he couldn't help himself. "And… your Shadow?" he asked.

Sora slammed his palm against the table, eyes blazing with a fury. Riku jumped a little. He hated admitting that he was _scared _by little things like this, but he definitely had been surprised.

"I already answered that, Riku," Sora hissed. "_Why _does everyone want to know about him?"

"I was just—"

"You don't _understand, _and you _never will_." Sora pulled away from the table, straightening slowly, regarding Riku with that angry gaze for as long as possible before he finally turned away and started off. "There's no point talking to you about it," he muttered, heading for the stairs.

Riku eyed the stairs for a moment. He didn't want to look like he'd been following Sora—he really had no intention to—but Namine was up there, and…

_Not that she wants to talk to you._

Riku shook his head, squishing that thought from his mind. She and Kairi _were _friends, after all. He could allow them some privacy. Even if…

"Riku?" Aerith called, from the living room. "Can you come look at something for me?"

"Yeah!"

He got up and headed out there to meet her.

Aerith smiled at him when she saw him. "I was thinking of starting a garden outside again," she explained. "And wanted your opinion on where it should go."

"Why mine?" he asked, surprised.

"Because you're the only person who lives here that isn't busy right now. I mean, I'm going to ask everyone eventually, but I guess you're first!"

Despite himself, Riku couldn't help the smile that formed on his lips.

**xxx**

Sora knocked on Cloud's door, even though it was open. It just felt rude not to knock, especially since he and Tifa looked like they were discussing something.

"Cloud? Can I ask you something?"

Cloud looked up at him, then sent a glance at Tifa.

"'Bout your Shadow?" he asked, eyes darting back to Sora.

"Kinda."

Cloud nodded. He sent another longer look at Tifa. After a moment of glaring at him, she rolled her eyes. "I'm going," she sighed, getting to her feet and pushing past Sora. He could hear her clomp down the stairs after a few seconds.

Cloud gestured for Sora to sit on the cot, where Tifa'd been sitting. Cloud was sitting on the edge of actual bed. Each was up against opposite walls, so by sitting on the cot, Sora was facing Cloud.

Sora cleared his throat, working up the nerve to ask his question. It wasn't an easy question to ask. Honestly, he figured the only reason he'd been able to ask Riku so easily earlier was likely because he already knew Riku's answer.

"You… you ever killed anyone, Cloud?"

Cloud's eyes widened with surprise. Then he shook his head. "No one besides Sephiroth," he said. His face darkened with concern. "Are you… are you saying _you_ have? Besides your Shadow?"

Sora only nodded.

_There was Ansem, of course. I think. And Maleficent, and those two members from Organization 13—Xaldin and Luxord, weren't they?_

Cloud considered him with wide eyes for another moment, then shook his head. "Well, I can't help you there. I'm sorry." And, he really did look sorry. "You're better off asking Leon or Aerith or… Well, Rinoa's not around but, still. They're more likely to have the answers you're looking for."

"R-Really?" Sora asked, a little stunned.

Cloud nodded. "Yeah. They ended up getting involved in some fight with an evil sorceress on another world. I don't know all the details, but I know it ended in her death. Zack talked about it a lot." He shrugged. "Anyway, don't press either of them—Leon or Aerith—too hard about it. They may not want to talk."

"Yeah, of course," Sora said, without hesitation. He filed the information away for later, hoping he wouldn't forget it. He sort of doubted he'd get the chance to ask today.

"Was that it?" Cloud asked. "Or did you actually have something to ask about your Shadow?"

"I do." Sora shifted his weight in the cot, pulling his legs up and folding them under him. This wasn't exactly an easy question, either. "Why do you say it's better he's… that he's dead?"

Cloud's earlier surprise wasn't a match for his surprise now.

"Because… it is…" he answered, eyeing Sora suspiciously. "I mean I know it can't have been easy to take his life, but there wasn't another option…"

That was the answer Sora couldn't bear.

_"Sora, I am a being created to drag you into darkness! There is no other win for you besides my death!"_

_ "Are you _sure!? _Because you giving up on that sounds like winning to me!"_

He hadn't been able to bear the answer then. How was he supposed to bear it now?

"What if there was?" he asked Cloud. "What if there was another option?"

"There can't have been," Cloud replied. "He can't have lived. Sooner or later he would've tried dragging you into darkness. You can't have—"

"We could've worked something out!" Sora shouted. He turned away, hastily wiped the tears from his cheeks.

_"What's got you so twisted up in knots, huh? Can it be fixed? Can I…?"_

_"Sora there's no way to fix this! Please just- just kill me!"_

They could've worked something out. If only his Shadow hadn't been so hasty. If only Sora'd said something different. Gotten his Shadow's attention. Managed to get them to talk through it, figure out how to fix it, figure out how to—

_ But he wanted to die because he loved you, _he reminded himself.

_ It's not disgusting to love me. We would've worked it out._

_ But could _you _live with that knowledge?_

_ I have to anyway, whether he's alive or not. Maybe it'd be easier if he _were _still here…_

Sora shook himself out of his internal argument. Cloud was regarding him sternly. He didn't know Cloud well enough to know if the way his lips pursed together meant he was angry or not. He could almost _sense _Cloud's impatience, though.

"What would you have done?" Cloud asked. "Befriend him? You can't _befriend _a Shadow. A _Sheto..?_" He laughed weakly, and shook his head.

The sound of the word _Sheto _stirred something in Sora. A sense of familiarity. A flash of images conveying what it meant. Someone drowning in darkness. Gold eyes watching on, glinting with pleasure. Fighting. Struggling.

_"I'm a being made to drag you into darkness, Sora."_

"It's impossible," Cloud continued, his voice dragging Sora out of the images. "Sooner or later, he would've snapped back to what he needed to do—kill you or smother you in darkness—and neither of you would've been able to stop it. Him being close to you, being 'friends' with you, would've only made it worse. He could've done it in your sleep."

Something roiled in Sora's chest.

"No, he wouldn't have," Sora protested. "He- He _wouldn't _have!"

He wasn't sure exactly why he was protesting.

_He wouldn't hurt me. The thought made him sick. He loved me. He wouldn't have—_

"Shadow's aren't creatures you should trust," Cloud told him, plainly.

"Mine was different!"

Cloud raised his eyebrows. The amusement in the expression made Sora's hands clench into fists and unfold his legs from under him. The urge to punch Cloud square in the jaw and wipe that not-quite-a-smirk off his face flooded him, then the urge was gone. Sora didn't even have time to question it.

"Look, even if he was," Cloud said. "Even if his head was in a good enough place to restrain himself, he would've done it anyway. _Shetos_ are very purpose driven creatures. He would've fallen back into the same pattern, without realizing what he was doing, and eventually he'd have you by the neck, pulling you into the darkness with him."

The image sent shivers down Sora's spine.

Echoes of _he wouldn't have _continued in his head.

Anger filled him as quickly and as strongly as the urge to punch Cloud had, but this time it didn't vanish. He leaned forward where he sat, palms pressed to the cot, prepared to launch himself forward. As if attacking Cloud was even a _smart _idea. As if he _really _wanted to.

"How do you know?" he demanded. "Last I checked, you and Sephiroth weren't—"

"Weren't nearly as connected as you were to _your _Shadow, no," Cloud finished. There was a sharpness in his tone. He watched Sora as if he really expected him to attack. "But my Shadow had enough time to go around, make a name for himself, and a reputation. He wanted to get away from it, wanted to be the stuff of other people's nightmares, not just mine. Except he always came crawling back to me. He couldn't stay away."

The words tugged at Sora's heart, and the fire of anger flickered to nothing.

"I think it drove him mad…" Cloud grimaced as he spoke, clearly not thinking highly of the thought. "Eventually he grew more and more focused on fighting me. Trying to killing me. As if it were an obsession he couldn't shake."

Sora let out a long breath. He trembled a little with the raw emotion surging through him. He didn't know what his feelings were doing, but they certainly weren't staying in one place for long, and he was sure he'd soon be overwhelmed by it all.

_Maybe that's why my Shadow died, _he thought. _So he wouldn't have to fall that far, wouldn't be forced by madness to kill me, when he so desperately couldn't stand harming me…_

_ …not that it makes his death any easier to bear._

Sora swallowed. His knees knocked together. He gripped the edge of the cot, elbows locked with the strain of it. He cast his eyes to the ground.

"I understand," he whispered.

"Why he couldn't have lived?"

Sora nodded.

"Good."

Sora squeezed his eyes shut. It wasn't easy to bear—none of this was—but he understood. Just like he understood why his Shadow _wanted _to die. Not just to avoid madness, but because he found himself despicable.

"Is that it?" Cloud asked, and his voice was kind now. Still a little rough, but this was Cloud. Everything he did was a little rough.

"No…" Sora said, slowly.

There _was_ something else. It was just, the thought of telling Cloud gripped at his stomach, but he needed to. He needed Cloud to understand.

"I just… I didn't want to kill him because he asked to die." The words fought and struggled out of his mouth, like someone was in his throat and trying to drag them back before they left his lips. His eyes were shut, so he couldn't see Cloud's expression, but he figured it was surprise of some sort.

He continued: "And it's… it's been really unsettling me. Maybe if- maybe if he hadn't told me… but…" Then he chuckled, a little bitterly. "Who am I kidding? Even if he hadn't told me, I would've known." He clutched at his chest.

"You would've?"

The shock in Cloud's voice was enough to make Sora look up at him. Cloud was frowning. Suspicious.

Sora sent him an equally confused look. Did he not have Sephiroth's memories, like Sora had his Shadow's? He supposed he wasn't surprised. Many other things had differed between their Shadows.

"I… I've got all his memories, now," Sora explained. He tapped his knuckles against his chest, right over his heart. "Am I… am I not supposed to?"

"I don't have Sephiroth's…"

Right. Sora had been right in assuming that.

Sora took a second to fumble for words to explain it, explain what had happened. Explaining to Kairi hadn't been hard, but now he was nervous, as if Cloud would correct him. "He- my Shadow… when he died." Sora swallowed. "There was something let of him. He said it was a heart—my heart, that he'd harbored in him, and that I should take it back. I did."

Cloud went very pale. Sora's frown deepened.

"Was I… not supposed to?"

"I- I don't think you _needed _to," Cloud replied. "I mean, I didn't have to with Sephiroth… but our Shadows _were_ very different, weren't they?"

"Do you think it was a bad idea?"

"Not _necessarily…_"

Cloud didn't sound to certain, though.

"Cloud, if I made a horrible mistake, I'd like to know!"

Cloud shrugged and shook his head. "I couldn't tell you if you had. You're the only other person I've met who's had a Shadow. There's no telling how different they should and shouldn't be. I think…"

He hesitated.

"Yeah?" Sora pressed.

"I think it smells a little fishy," Cloud said. "_But, _I might just be paranoid. I've been paranoid for five years." The last bit was said as if it were a joke, but Sora didn't find it at all funny.

_Oh, _please _tell me I haven't made a horrible mistake. _

Sora let out a long breath. "Still… why did it have to go that way? I- I didn't want to…"

He didn't want the fight with his Shadow to go how it had. Didn't want his Shadow's death to come the way it had.

"You can't change the past, so there's no use fussing over it," Cloud said.

"But- But I… I didn't want to kill him…" Sora's voice caught on his lips. "I- I didn't want it to end like that—"

"Do you think I wanted to sit and watch Xehanort _murder _Zack? While I was too weak to do anything about it?" Cloud's voice was sharp like a whip, but as fragile as glass. "Do you think I wouldn't give anything to be able to go back and change that night, if at least, to make it so he was still here and Aerith would smile again? Because I would. But I can't. And you can't change how your Shadow died, either."

Sora just nodded. His shoulders hunched as if the words were blows. He understood. He did. He just… He didn't like it. He didn't like any of it.

"And since you can't change the past, your only option left is to learn to accept what happened," Cloud said. The confidence in his tone was gone. His hands curled to fists against the bed. "It's not easy. Of course it's not easy. But what other option do we have?"

"None," Sora whispered.

Cloud nodded.

"Exactly."

He got to his feet.

"Now come on. You should probably be heading home soon, shouldn't you?"

Sora nodded fervently, and got to his feet, too. Cloud was right. He and Kairi could only stay here so long, before they needed to head home again. If they were gone too long, their parents would get worried. Or, his parents would, anyway. Unfortunately.

Cloud headed out and down the stairs, gesturing over his shoulder for Sora to follow. Sora did.


	5. In which Kairi and Namine talk

**AN/ **Well I finished my Nano project at 23k words. "Does that count as finishing?" well I ended the story didn't I? I think yeah, it does.

Also there was a chapter uploaded to ASAS (ch76) a few days ago if you weren't aware of it

* * *

"This is your room?" Kairi asked. She paused in the middle of Namine and Riku's room, turning in a full circle once to get a good look at it.

Namine nodded. "Uhhuh."

There was a thick tension in the air, despite Kairi's attempts to ease it. Namine tried to breathe evenly, tried not to dread where this conversation was going, where it had to go. Even though Kairi was currently avoiding the question, Namine knew she would ask eventually, and she dreaded the moment.

"Heh, all it needs is another dresser and it'd look like ours—I mean. Mine. Back on Destiny Islands."

Namine swallowed, wishing she couldn't see how Kairi's face fell at the words. She knew Kairi wasn't too excited about her having moved out, and the wound was still raw. It'd been a week since she'd moved out of Kairi's—since she'd seen Kairi last. Clearly Kairi was still upset.

"The window's… bigger too," Namine said, after a moment, to fill the silence. "Not that… not that it has nearly as pretty a view."

Nearly every house on Destiny Islands had a view of the ocean, at least in the distance, behind everything else. Here, in Hollow Bastion, all you got was a view of the city, and it didn't glow orange at sunset like Destiny Islands did. It hardly glowed at all.

Kairi'd moved over to the window, looking out of it, but she said nothing.

Namine cleared her throat.

"I… I guess I could always spend the night back with you, sometime…"

Kairi turned to Namine. She folded her arms across her chest and leaned back against the dresser, blowing a strand of hair out of her face. Her hair was getting long, just as she was getting tall, and it kept falling into her eyes. She looked incredibly annoyed about it, though when she opened her mouth, it wasn't to complain about her hair.

"Well, before we even think about a potential sleepover—have you told him?"

There it was. The question Namine'd been dreading.

Had she told Riku about her nightmares? About her visions of what could've been the future—not that she really believed it could be the future. She didn't want to believe it could be the future.

The answer hadn't changed.

No, she hadn't told him.

She swallowed nervously.

"I- I don't think he's gonna do it," she told Kairi.

It was a lie, and a lie she wanted herself to believe more than she wanted Kairi to believe it. She wanted to hide in denial. Use it as a shield against what she otherwise knew to be horrible truth. Riku would, if he got the chance. He would go through with it.

Kairi raised her eyebrows, and Namine sighed. That was Kairi's _I-don't-believe-the-crud-you're-telling-me _face.

"Namine," Kairi began.

"I- I really don't," Namine stammered. She believed it less than Kairi did.

If Riku had the chance, he'd do _everything _she'd seen him do in her nightmares.

"Why won't you tell him?" Kairi asked, _demanded. _There was an air of authority about her, an air that had always clung to her, especially when she was angry, or when she wanted to know something. And every time, she got what she wanted. Every time, Namine buckled under the weight of that look.

Namine ran her hands over her skirt, as if to smooth it, and looked at the ground. She wasn't brave enough to look Kairi in the eye. Especially not now.

"I… I don't want to hurt his feelings…" she mumbled.

"What!?" Kairi jolted upright. "Namine, what the _hell?_ That is like the worst reason not to tell him about this."

"I'm…? Not so sure if _I'd _call it the worst reason…"

"Really?"

"I don't like it when he's upset…"

It was more than that she just didn't like it. Kairi didn't know what it was like, when Riku was upset. She didn't know that it felt like all the color drained from the world, didn't know how his feelings pressed in the back of Namine's head. Upsetting him was like purposefully upsetting herself. With that connection of theirs—telepathic or whatever it was—she felt what he was feeling. Even if it was muted, she still felt it. It was horrible, when he was upset, though the connection did have its upsides.

_Whatever that memory thing that happened was when we kissed, for one…_

"Well… I guess that's understandable," Kairi said, slowly. "But you can't keep him happy all the time. And you can't spare his feelings when he's about to do something incredibly dangerous and you can stop him."

"I just…" Namine began. She didn't know how to finish.

"You have to tell him."

Namine shook her head. "It's probably nothing." She smoothed her skirt again, then hugged her arms across her chest. She moved towards the bed, considering sitting down.

"Is it?" Kairi asked. She pushed away from the dresser, taking a step towards Namine.

Namine swallowed. She didn't like lying, but…

"The- the nightmares have died down."

Kairi grabbed her by the arm, pulling until Namine was forced to face her.

"Namine, don't lie to me, I can see the bags under your eyes. They've only died down because you haven't slept."

"It's hard to sleep."

That wasn't a lie.

"Because of the nightmares?"

Namine sighed. "If I'm not having them, Riku is," she said. Kairi's grip on her lessened, and she looked Kairi in the eye now. "I don't think either of us have gotten sleep. At all."

The first night here she'd woken up screaming, tormented by the same plague of nightmares she'd been having for these past few weeks. Riku was screaming the next night, loud enough he nearly woke the whole house. He woke Aerith, at any rate, and Yuffie, surprisingly. They didn't sleep the next night. Or the night after that. They were Replicas. They didn't need as much sleep.

"You should tell him," Kairi said, after a long moment. She stopped gripping Namine's arm, though she ended up gripping Namine's hand instead. "Maybe it'll make 'em stop."

Namine swallowed. Wouldn't that be wonderful? But… "I don't think—"

"Namine."

Kairi saw through her lie before she could even start it. She was going to say she didn't think Riku was going to do it, again.

"I'll tell him, if you'd rather," Kairi said. There was a haughty look in her eyes, _daring _Namine to tell her no.

"He won't take it from you," Namine mumbled, then bit her lip. She hadn't realized how saying the words would turn her stomach in knots. Hadn't realized just how complicated her relationship with Riku was. She felt like she should say more—because Kairi didn't know—but she couldn't find the words to explain to Kairi how Riku didn't listen to anyone. That the only person he'd ever seemed to listen to was her. And maybe Aerith.

Not that she'd dare trouble Aerith with this. Even if she had promised, long ago, to tell Aerith if these nightmares started popping up again… she couldn't bear the thought of telling Aerith the horrid things Riku wanted to do to Larxene. Aerith didn't need to know.

Fortunately, Namine didn't need to figure out how to put any of her thoughts into words. Kairi kept talking.

"I don't think you believe he'll take it from you, either, and if you're not gonna do it—"

"Kairi, please," Namine tried to interrupt.

"Someone has to, Namine," was all Kairi answered. "We have to stop him."

Namine felt like she was going to be sick.

"They're just dreams…"

She didn't want to tell Riku. She hadn't realized until now that it really had to be her that told him, because he wouldn't listen to anyone else. That thought was worse than the thought of telling him. It was a lot of weight to bear.

"You don't believe they're just dreams, though," Kairi argued.

"Why is this so important to you?!" Namine demanded. "It's not like it's going to make up for what happened to Sora!"

The words fell from her lips like bombs. Kairi's eyes went wide, and she even took a step away from Namine. Not that Namine blamed her. She clapped her hands to her mouth, instantly regretting whatever anger or adrenaline—or protocols—it'd been to make her say it.

_It's something Larxene would say._

That thought made her go rigid.

_7 told me he removed all the Larxene data!_

Except he'd also told her that there was a lot of it, and it'd take more than one look through her data to make sure it was gone. When the Organization Rewrote her—or, more specifically, when 37 Rewrote her, he'd made sure it wouldn't be easy to set her straight again.

Namine made a mental note to go see 7 as soon as she had a chance.

She opened her mouth to apologize to Kairi, but Kairi beat her to it.

"You're right. It won't, and I'm not stupid enough to think it will." Kairi's eyes darkened dangerously. Namine almost wanted to be the one stepping back, now. "I'm not stupid enough to think stopping Riku or saving him from whatever it is you think he's gonna do is gonna make up for not saving Sora. I'm not an idiot, Namine. And that's exactly why I'm not gonna sit by and let you make the same mistakes I did."

"Kairi, I'm sorry, I really didn't mean it."

"That doesn't matter! What matters is if you really think Riku's gonna do something that he shouldn't—or something that's gonna hurt him—you _have _to tell him." She jabbed Namine in the chest, eyes burning. "Otherwise, you're gonna find yourself sitting around here for five months not sure if he's ever gonna come back to you."

Namine could only stare.

She was horrified she even said it to begin with.

She hadn't meant it.

And Kairi's words stung. It wasn't easy to process them. Process the hurt in them. What they meant in relationship to Namine and Riku. Not to mention there was the roiling monster—Larxene—that Namine could feel in her stomach. She'd said something like this to Kairi before, back when she'd been Rewritten and Kairi'd been forced to fight her. She'd run her mouth like this, too.

_"It never occurred to you to get off your butt and go looking for him, did it?"_

_ "I was scared! I was scared I wouldn't be able to find him, or that when I did, he wouldn't be him."_

"I'm sorry," Namine repeated.

She wasn't sure if she was apologizing for what she said this time, or for what she'd said last time.

Kairi didn't even acknowledge it.

"Are you gonna tell him?" she asked. "Or am I gonna have to?"

"I…"

A knock on the door interrupted them, then Sora poked his head in.

"Hey, Kai, I hate to interrupt, but we maybe need to get going?" He nodded behind him. "I mean we've been here a few hours now and my parents…" That's when the situation he'd interrupted dawned on him, and his eyes went wide. "Sorry. Was this important? You need another fifteen minutes?"

"No, you're right, we should go." Kairi sighed, then sent a stern look at Namine. "One more week, though. One more, and then I'll tell him if you haven't."

Namine nodded, following Sora and Kairi out of the room then down the stairs. Sora asked what they'd been talking about, but Kairi brushed him off. Probably for the better, Namine figured. Sora didn't need to know either.


	6. In which Sora and Kairi go home

**AN/ **Yep! We're off hiatus! If you missed the hiatus updates, this is because of an embarrassing lack of communication with magik on my part, leading me to believe she had closer to ten chapters to post before we reached the Big Crossover Sequence coming up, when in reality, she only had five! So, off hiatus, back to regular (if not more frequent) posting schedule!

And, if you haven't read magik's fic "Remnants" yet, you should definitely check it out! ((Obviously you don't have to read it, but if you are a fan of both our works, you might want to be up-to-date with hers before the Crossover Sequence.))

* * *

"So I see you two made up," Tifa called.

Kairi nearly missed the next step. She clutched at the railing, stopping completely, almost causing Namine behind her to stumble. She turned her attention to Tifa, not even wondering where everyone else was right now—she only saw Tifa and Cloud sitting on the same couch, Tifa with a smug little smile on her face. Kairi couldn't tell if she was just teasing, and even if she was, it didn't change how much the words bugged Kairi.

"Like we wouldn't?" Kairi demanded.

Sora sent a glance at her, continuing down the stairs. His eyes told her _get off the staircase, first, then keep talking. _She chewed her lip angrily, but listened, hating that she had move her eyes away from Tifa so she could be sure of her footing on the stairs.

"Look, I get it," Sora was saying. She could hear the roll of his eyes in his voice. "I was an idiot for thinking we wouldn't. I already knew that. I don't see why we have to pound it in again."

"Darkness messes with your head," Cloud replied, with a slightly disinterested shrug. He was leaning forward in his seat, elbows resting on his knees, and slouched over. Tifa was practically draped across the couch, looking quite comfortable. Cloud didn't even seem to notice that her shoe was touching his leg.

Sora deflated a little, scratching the back of his head. The sound of feet on the stairs behind her told Kairi that Namine had headed back up, likely to give them some privacy with this conversation.

"I thought you were mad at him," Tifa said, looking directly at Kairi.

Kairi rubbed her thumb over her knuckles, grimacing. "Maybe a little frustrated," she admitted. "But just because I was mad doesn't mean I'm going to hate him forever. Why would you think that? We're best friends. It's gonna take a lot more than a few screw-us to get me to hate him." She sent a reassuring smile over at Sora, who smiled back.

Tifa and Cloud exchanged knowing looks.

Sora's smile fell to suspicion, and he and Kairi exchanged a knowing look of their own.

"You didn't… _really _think she was mad at me, did you?" Sora asked, turning back to Cloud and Tifa.

Cloud shook his head. Tifa's smile got wider.

"Nope," she said. "Just checking to make sure you knew where you stood with each other."

Kairi started to say that there were nicer ways to go about that, but Cloud was speaking before she could get anything more than a few sounds out.

"Darkness meddles with the important things, like your relationships with the people you love," Cloud said. "And though it looks like the worst is over, the road ahead is still pretty rough."

Sora nodded, like he understood. "So you were just looking out for us." He didn't sound annoyed at all, not that Kairi understood why. Well, she did understand—Sora was generally more laid back about these things—but that didn't make _her _any less annoyed.

"It's just going to be hard on the both of you," Tifa explained. "Best start off knowing where you stand with each other than let the road—or the darkness—make you think you hate each other again."

"I never thought I hated him," Kairi protested.

"Well…" Tifa began.

"But _I _thought you hated me," Sora said, before she could finish. He shrugged, apologetically, sending an uneasy smile at Kairi, like he feared she'd get mad at him for saying it. Honestly, she wasn't angry, just happy to see that apologetic smile on his face again.

"That was the darkness's fault," Kairi assured him. His smile immediately became less apologetic and more genuine.

"Could it happen again?" Sora asked, turning to Cloud and Tifa.

"It could," Cloud said, simply.

"But if you're sure about where you stand with each other, it shouldn't," Tifa added.

Cloud nodded.

"Well, was that everything, then? We need to get going." Sora shifted uncomfortably. Kairi instantly remembered why. His parents…

"Yeah, that was all we had to say," Tifa said.

Kairi hardly waited for her to answer before running halfway up the stairs. "Namine? We're leaving!" she called, knowing Namine would want to say goodbye. Riku probably would, too, wherever he was.

"Oh, are you?" Aerith asked. Kairi turned, finding her walking in the front door, Riku tailing her. Kairi moved down to the bottom of the stairs again.

"What were you two doing?" Tifa asked.

"Gardening," Aerith replied, dusting off her hands. "Riku, you mind going and getting everyone so they can say goodbye?"

"Uh-huh," Riku said, without hesitation. He moved to the stairs, actually flashing a smile at Kairi as he passed. She stared after him, a little surprised. He was taking the stairs three at a time—thanks to his ridiculously long legs—not complaining in the slightest. It was nice to see him smile like that. Be happy like this.

"Gardening, huh?" Cloud asked, learning back in the couch. He hardly sounded surprised.

"Well, not quite," Aerith said, amending her pervious statement. "Trying to figure out where to put a garden. Once I've got that figured out, I've still got to get flowers to—"

"Uhm, can we try and keep goodbyes quick?" Sora interrupted. He shifted from one foot to the other. "I hate to be rude, but we've really stayed longer than we should've, and I'd—"

"Oh, nonsense." Aerith waved his worries aside with her hand. "You haven't stayed too long. I don't mind the company."

Sora shook his head, a little aggressively. If he wasn't out of Kairi's reach, she'd grab him by the arm or hand to comfort him. "It's not that I'm worried about. If we're gone too long, my parents are gonna be furious with me."

Kairi sighed and rubbed her cheek. He hadn't _needed _to tell them that, specifically. A simple 'they'll be worried' would've sufficed. He'd always spoken and acted before thinking, though…

Everyone stared at him for a long moment. Aerith looked almost horrified. Cloud's face was a mix of surprise and concern. Tifa just looked confused.

"Why are they going to be mad?" Cloud asked.

Kairi quickly tried to answer, hoping to save Sora from talking himself into a hole. "They just worry easily and—"

"I may have told them I was at Kairi's," Sora mumbled, rubbing his arm.

"Sora!" Aerith gasped. She definitely sounded horrified now.

Kairi suppressed a groan. _I'm trying to help you, Sora, would it kill you to be quiet!_

Tifa looked like she was going to say something, and if she didn't, Cloud certainly would. Neither of them got the chance.

"Why'd you do that?" Leon asked, making his way down the stairs. He paused at the foot of them, seeing as Sora wasn't standing more three feet from them. It would cause a traffic jam sooner rather than later, Kairi realized, but she wasn't sure if she could do anything about it.

"They just haven't taken the news about where I've been for the past six months well, that's all," Sora said.

Kairi raised her eyebrows. So now he _wasn't _going to be honest?

"They haven't taken the news at all," she corrected. There was no reason to start lying now, and more importantly, she couldn't pass up the chance to remind him to actually _tell _his parents. They only reason they were in a hurry to get home was so that he could keep up his ruse that he'd been at Kairi's. If anything, his parents were more upset he hadn't told them than anything else.

"That's your dad's fault!" Sora huffed, folding his arms over his chest and glaring at Kairi. "I was _gonna _tell 'em but then he goes and tells me," he paused, cleared his throat, and continued in a crude imitation of Kairi's father: "'Careful Sora, they might not take the news well'—what kind of advice is that? Scared me right out of it!"

"My dad doesn't sound like that!"

"He totally does."

"You should still tell them, though," Aerith said. "Sooner rather than later."

"Tonight," Kairi said.

"Eh, I don't blame him, for not wanting to," Tifa said. "It's not like my dad took the news well, when I told him I was leaving."

"Tifa, you shouldn't assume _everyone's _like your father," Cloud scolded. "Not that I disagree with Kairi's father. There is a chance they might not take it well. They don't know about other worlds, do they?"

"That doesn't mean he shouldn't tell them," Aerith countered.

"I never said he shouldn't tell them—"

"Alright, fine!" Sora said, over everyone. "I'll tell 'em. I will. Eventually."

"Tell who what?" Yuffie asked. "Uh, Leon."

"I'm moving."

"Nothing," Sora told Yuffie. "It's nothing."

"Cid wants to know if he really has to come down," Riku said.

"Well I _guess _not," Aerith sighed.

"Can we get this moving along or not?" Sora demanded, raising his voice over everyone's again. "I really don't want to be rude, and I'd really love to stay, but I don't need to add 'being out obnoxiously late' to the list of things my parents are gonna be mad at me about."

"Why are his parents gonna be mad?" Namine asked.

Everyone—minus Cid—was down the stairs now, and most of them were crowded kind of awkwardly at the bottom of the staircase. Kairi moved to stand by one of the couches to allow room, though Sora didn't move.

"He hasn't told them where he's been," Kairi explained.

"Ah."

"Well?" Sora raised his voice again. "Can me and Kairi get going or not? It's getting kinda late!"

Aerith laughed. "We're not trying to keep you, Sora, just trying to be polite and give everyone a chance to say goodbye."

"It's not like I'm never going to see any of you again," Sora grumbled, but didn't argue further.

Goodbyes were short and sweet, for the most part. Kairi took a little extra time saying goodbye to Namine. They discussed plans for a potential sleepover again, but couldn't discuss much else, with Riku standing there. Kairi settled for giving Namine a very stern look, nodding at Riku, and hoping Namine got the point. From the way her face paled, she likely did.

Sora wound up getting caught in another conversation with Cloud, but he was wrapping it up by the time Kairi'd finished with Namine.

"Well, if I need anything, I know where to find you," Sora said.

"Ah…"

Tifa nudged Cloud in the gut before he could continue with whatever he was going to say. "Aerith's got your number if Sora ends up needing it, so don't worry."

"Right. Best get going then, right, Sora?"

Sora nodded, then looked to find Kairi. She smiled at him, and after a few more goodbyes, they were out the door and on the street before Aerith's house. Sora let out a sigh of relief, but it was more theatrics than anything else. Kairi understood his feelings completely. Big families were always the hardest to get away from, especially when you were in a hurry, it seemed.

"Come on," Kairi said, holding out her hand for Sora to take. "Let's go already."

He took her hand, activated his star shard.

Star shard travel was as it always was, jolting and almost like you were being torn in twenty different directions at once, before finally being pushed in just one. Kairi shook herself as they landed on Destiny Islands, thinking that Tifa's way of traveling—whatever it was she did—was much more preferable.

"Oh no." Sora's voice sounded very tight. "Why is it dark out already?"

Kairi felt the blood drain from her face. "Crud, time runs differently between worlds."

"It does!?"

"Yeah, and I knew that, and I'm sorry I forgot."

"Thanks a lot, Kairi!"

He didn't sound very grateful, and he shoved at her with enough force she would've stumbled if she hadn't expected it.

"Well, on the bright side, now you'll have to tell your parents," Kairi said. She did her best not to laugh, but couldn't help the smile that was forming on her lips.

"Thanks _a lot _Kairi!"

There was a sting to Sora's voice now, and he shoved her forward, causing her to stumble this time. She recovered her footing quickly, sent a look back at him long enough to stick her tongue out, and started running in the direction of her house. Sora was quick to follow.


	7. In which Namine TRIES to talk to Riku

**AN/ **I forget how much I advertise playlists/fanmixes over here, but I did make one for Namiku in All that Remains and I'd appreciate if you checked it out. It shouldn't be hard to find on my 8tracks (It's called "It's exhausting") but it's also with the chapter commentary for this chapter if you are having trouble.

That's it! Enjoy!

* * *

Riku was in the kitchen, helping Aerith put the clean dishes away. Aerith had tried to tell him she was fine, she could do it herself, but he ignored her protests and helped anyway. Maybe it was for the better, Namine noted, as she watched from the living room. After all, Riku could reach the shelves that Aerith could not.

The three of them were the only ones downstairs. Leon, Yuffie, and Cid were all upstairs, doing whatever it was they did. Leon was probably reading, or writing something, as she'd noticed him doing as of late. Cid was likely working on some gadget prototype or other, or drawing up new plans for an improved canon, not that there had been much Heartless lately. Namine had no clue what Yuffie might be doing. Maybe she'd already gone to sleep. It wasn't like it was too early to, and Yuffie did like her sleep.

As for Cloud and Tifa, they'd left not long after Sora and Kairi did. Namine hadn't caught where they were heading, but no one seemed surprised at them leaving, though Aerith had been quite happy to hear they were going _together._

Namine was drawing, besides watching Riku and Aerith work in the kitchen. She and Aerith made idle talk, with occasional input from Riku. They discussed Sora, briefly. Aerith mentioned how she felt he was… _off, _but couldn't put her finger on what was off about him. Riku'd said he'd seemed more tired lately, but that was all any of them could think of. Namine hadn't even noticed there was anything up with Sora, with how otherwise preoccupied she was.

She kept considering putting her nightmares onto paper, into her sketchbook, because then it really would be easier to tell Riku about them. She couldn't make her hands move to form the shapes, though. She sighed. She should probably tell Riku soon, before she could chicken out of it again, but she couldn't bring it up with Aerith here.

_It might be easier… But, no, I can't tell her about this! She doesn't need to know._

"You two should sleep tonight," Aerith said, suddenly.

Namine looked up, surprised. Riku paused with a mug halfway into the cabinet, shoulders tensed. After a second, she saw him force himself to relax.

"We don't need as much sleep as you do," he told Aerith, laughing lightly. The laugh was meant to ease her. To push her worries aside. He'd used the laugh on Namine before.

Aerith didn't pause, didn't falter. "But you do need it more than once a week, don't you?" she asked.

"Well…" Riku began, but he couldn't finish.

Namine didn't know what to say, unsure which direction Riku wanted to go with this. Were they trying to talk themselves out of sleeping? Was he going to tell her about his nightmares? She couldn't tell. She could never tell when it came to Aerith, and how he'd respond to her.

Tentatively, Namine reached out with her mind, trying to forge the bridge that connected hers and Riku's heads. It wouldn't come. She frowned with distaste.

_Shouldn't I have noticed that sooner…? _she wondered, but she really couldn't come up with a reason why she would've noticed sooner. She hadn't tried to form the connection after she'd been Rewritten. But hadn't it _always _been open, at least a little?

With a start, she realized she hadn't heard his thoughts _at all _this past week. Nothing, not even the slightest trickle of thought, or emotion. She couldn't say if she was relieved or not. The connection had been a burden as much as it had been a blessing.

_But if it's gone… is it gone? _She wasn't sure it was, didn't want to say she was sure it was, not yet. _To think of all the things that would've gone with it…_

"My point still stands, you should probably get some sleep," Aerith said, drawing Namine out of her thoughts.

"We'll try," Riku told her.

Aerith nodded. She took one brief look around the kitchen to make sure everything was in order, then nodded again, satisfied it was. She pulled Riku into a short hug.

"Good night."

"Uh, good night."

Aerith smiled at him, then headed out the kitchen and up the stairs.

"Good night, Namine," she said as she passed.

"Good night."

Then Aerith was up the stairs.

Riku slowly closed the cabinet by him. He didn't turn to look at Namine, specifically, but she could still sense how his attention shifted to her.

"I'm sorry," he whispered

Namine looked up, surprised. "For what?"

"For not saving you in time." He played with the handle of the cabinet door, pulling it open a little, pushing it shut. "That's… that's what you're upset about, isn't it?"

Namine slowly pushed her pencils into a better position, so she wouldn't upset them if she stood up suddenly. "What are you _talking _about?"

"Well I've been running it over in my head all day, and I can't come up with another reason for why you're upset."

"And it didn't occur to you to just _ask _me about it?" Namine asked. Annoyance flared through her, though she tried to shove it down and out of mind. She didn't like being annoyed with Riku. Yet that's all she'd seemed to be lately. Annoyed with him.

"Would you answer if I asked?" Riku replied.

Her response—and her anger—died in her mouth.

"Well…"

"Exactly."

Riku shut the cabinet with a slam, then pushed away from it, moving so he had one hand braced on the wall between the kitchen and the living room, looking down at where she sat on the couch. Namine tried not to look at him.

"That wasn't your fault," she told him, simply. She could bear this subject. She could bear any subject that wasn't what she saw in her nightmares.

"Of course it was. I wasn't fast enough to save you."

Namine grit her teeth. This argument again. "_I _was the one who thought it was a good idea to just let Xigbar _walk away _with me and not put up a struggle. If anyone's to blame, it's me."

Riku shook his head, as firm as he always was about this. "But you walked away with him because you trusted me to be fast enough."

Namine glared, then let out a frustrated breath.

"Do you want to know why I'm really upset?"

Riku's face softened a little, from anger to confusion. He hesitated a moment, and then:

"Yeah."

Namine faltered immediately. She hadn't actually expected him to say yes. For some reason. Plus, how was she supposed to tell him why she was upset? That she was upset because he had that look on his face again—the determined face where his bottom lip stuck out in a slight pout and his eyes narrowed with a quiet anger. The face that told her his opinion was a stone that could not be moved, that he refused to believe it was anyone's fault but his own.

How was she supposed to tell him that?

And the nightmares…

She looked away from him.

"It wasn't your fault, so stop acting like it was," she told him.

Riku pushed away from the wall, stepping towards her. "No, come on, why are you mad at me?"

_Why are you mad at me?_

It was like a physical blow, and had Namine been standing, she would've staggered. As it was, she leaned back in the couch, hunching her shoulders. She tried to mask the shock on her face. Looked down at the ground.

"I'm- I'm not… not at… you…" She swallowed, mumbling. "I just. I've… Nightmares…"

"Oh." His voice was softer now, and he didn't sound a bit surprised. He moved to kneel on the ground before her, taking her hands in his. Even kneeling, he was almost eyelevel with her. Namine blamed it on how low this couch was.

"They are difficult, aren't they?" Riku whispered. He shifted and straightened to press a kiss to her forehead, lingering there a moment. "The nightmares…" He sighed deeply, his breath ruffling her hair, and then pulled away.

"It's… it's more than just nightmares…" Namine stared at her lap. At their hands clasped together in her lap. She wouldn't let Riku's softness ruin this. She had an opportunity. She had to tell him. If, for the very least, because Kairi would be furious if she didn't. Not to mention what he'd do if…

"Yeah?"

"It's… Larxene…"

"What?" Riku laughed, lightly. "Why are you worried about her? She can't hurt you."

Namine shook her head. "No, I'm- I'm worried about you and—"

"She can't hurt me either."

"But- but she's _alive _and you—"

Riku's smile fell immediately. "Shit…" he breathed. "She is alive." Horror crossed his face, quickly replaced by anger.

Namine felt her stomach clench.

"Riku, please—"

"I doubt she can get me here, though…" Riku mumbled, not seeming to pay Namine any attention. His grip on her hands grew tighter.

"That's- that's not what I'm worried…"

She trailed off, as Riku looked up at her. He smiled broadly.

"We're safe, Namine," he said, firmly. "I'm safe. More importantly, you're safe."

Anger bubbled in Namine, but she quickly shoved it down, before it showed on her face. She didn't want to upset Riku. But couldn't he just _listen _to her?

"Riku," she began, but he was already getting to his feet.

"Aerith's right," he said. "We should probably get some sleep. I'm actually kinda tired, now that I think about it. Need me to carry anything?" He gestured at her pencils, spread out on the couch.

Namine sighed, and shook her head. "I got 'em…" she muttered, shoving them into her pencil case. Why was it her he was worried about? Why couldn't he, for once, be a little more worried about his own safety? If they were discussing Larxene, it was him who was in the most danger.

She kept her mouth shut, though. Maybe she could tell him about the nightmares later—surely, when she woke up from one this morning, she'd have a chance. Have a chance to say she wanted to talk about it, wanted to tell him. And if not then in the morning, then surely, _sometime _later tomorrow.

That hope in mind, and grateful for an excuse to put it off, Namine followed Riku up the stairs.

**xxx**

Namine sighed deeply, shifting against her pillow. She couldn't sleep, not that that was a surprise. Sleep had been hard coming all week, even without the nightmares.

She'd been lying awake for probably an hour now, based on her internal sense of time. There wasn't a clock in this room—Riku had said he _definitely _wouldn't sleep with it ticking at him all night—so she couldn't cross check her internal time sense… but it'd never been wrong before. Probably had to do with being a Replica.

She sat up, sending a look over at Riku. It was amazing how peaceful he could look in his sleep. How a face that she had seen make so many cruel and pained expressions could be completely serene once its owner lost consciousness. She licked her lips nervously. She didn't want to wake him, but…

"Riku…?"

He sat up immediately, turning to look at her. She had no trouble seeing him, even in the near pitch darkness that filled the room. Impeccable night vision was something that also probably came from being a Replica.

"Yeah? Namine? Something wrong?" Riku asked.

His words were slurred a little by sleep daze, but not as much as they could've been. He'd always been like that.

"I… can't sleep…"

"Right. Well. We don't have to." He shifted into a more comfortable position, visibly calming now that he was certain she wasn't in danger. "I know I told Aerith we would, but we can always get some sleep _later _tonight. Or tomorrow. I think we can make it one more night."

Namine flopped back onto her pillow, rolling on her side so she was facing Riku. She ran her fingers over the edge of the bed, inches from her chest.

"I want to sleep," she said. She was a little surprised by the whine in her tone as she said it, but didn't have the energy to care. She felt _exhausted. _Nearly a week with no sleep was finally catching up to her. She just wanted to be able to sleep.

"Okay." Riku nodded at her. She got the feeling that, even if he was functional, he wasn't entirely awake yet. "Uhm… we can talk until you nod off? I could just talk at you. Read you something? I don't know what normally helps you go to sleep."

Namine shrugged, uselessly. "I've never had much trouble sleeping before."

"'Fraid to sleep 'cause of the nightmares?" Riku asked, quietly.

She only nodded.

_Now's your chance. Tell him why they frighten you. Go on!_

"I… I wish I could help…"

_Please, Riku, suggest talking about the nightmares. Don't people say talking about them eases them? I doubt it'll ease mine, but at least then you'd know…_

Riku sent a long worried look at her, his bright eyes looking even brighter in the darkness. "Got any suggestions…?" he asked.

Namine sighed. She really didn't want to talk about her nightmares tonight. It would be smart but… but then she'd never get any sleep. Her desire for sleep was much, _much _more potent than the need to tell Riku about her nightmares.

"Can… can I sleep with you?" she said, very, very slowly. She wasn't sure how Riku'd respond to such a suggestion.

"Huh?"

"In your bed…?"

Riku studied her. "You think us sleeping in the same bed together might help you sleep?" He asked the question in the same halting tone she'd phrased her suggestion in.

Namine swallowed.

"It might… might ward off the nightmares."

"Y'think?"

"Being near you seemed to help ward off the meltdowns."

He chuckled a little. "Not as much as, ah… kissing you did."

She could hear the grin in his voice as he spoke. She hoped the darkness at least hid her blush. Riku _normally _didn't tease, but he could never seem to let this subject drop. Maybe it was just because he liked thinking about it, and she couldn't exactly blame him for that.

"Been a while since the last meltdown, hasn't it?" Riku said, suddenly.

"Hmm? Oh… not that long…"

_Two weeks, I think. A little over two weeks. Guess that is a while, but certainly no cause for celebration. Just cause to be worried one's coming soon._

"Maybe they've stopped." The way he said it suggested he didn't believe it.

Namine laughed, feeling that same disbelief. "Wouldn't that be wonderful."

"Right." Riku cleared his throat. "So… about sleeping in the same bed…"

"Is that weird?" Namine asked, before he could get much further. She didn't move at all, other than to draw her arm away from the edge of the bed and against her chest. She squeezed her eyes shut, too, not wanting to watch Riku's slow and precise movements as he worked out his answer.

"Do you… think it's weird?" he asked.

She shrugged. "I think it's… something… that maybe might be… considered weird…"

She could hear Riku click his tongue, a sharp sound out of the darkness. She wasn't sure if she should take it as him being annoyed, or just some unconscious movement he made as he thought. Without their connection—she really was suspecting it was gone completely, because even now as she reached out for it she couldn't find it—she could only guess.

"Namine, if you don't _want _to..." Riku began, speaking slowly.

"I do."

"But you think it's weird…"

"I dunno…"

"Isn't it normal for people who are dating to share a bed, though?" Riku said. "Or, y'know, no one's gonna think too much about it…"

Namine laughed a little. "Riku, I wouldn't call whatever it is we're doing dating."

_And even if it was, how am I supposed to know if sharing a bed is normal for people who are dating?_

"Well, if you wanna go on a date sometime—"

"Right now I want to sleep."

"Do you want to share a bed or not, Namine?"

She hunched in on herself. She couldn't help it. "Do you think it's weird?"

Riku sighed deeply, and then she heard the slight creek of his mattress—not that it creaked much—followed by the sound of his feet on the floor. Before she could open her eyes to see where he was, or open her mouth to ask what he was doing, he had lain down in the bed next to her, between her and the wall.

"There," he whispered, shifting to make himself fit into the tiny space that the bed allowed. It wasn't a very large bed, and it definitely hadn't been made to fit two people. The fact that Riku was as tall as he was probably wasn't helping.

Finally, he'd gotten himself settled, with one arm wrapped around her, and his chin resting on the top of her head. Namine figured that as long as they both stayed on their sides, and neither of them moved too much in their sleep, this could be comfortable. Staying still required her being correct, though, in saying this would help their nightmares. She wasn't sure if _she _thrashed much when she was having a nightmare, but she knew Riku did.

_Just don't think about it, _she told herself. _It'll be fine…_

"Better?" Riku asked, gently.

"Uh-huh…"

Namine could feel her eyelids drooping already.

"Alright. Just wake me up and let me know if you need me to move, though."

"Yeah."

Namine didn't even remember falling asleep, but she did in the end. She didn't have a single nightmare that night, either.


	8. In which Sora talks to his parents

**AN/ **If you haven't read the rewritten Dead Inside ch87 yet, you probably should! Also, ASASch77 has a scene that's vaguely relevant to this chapter (aka, I wrote Sora returning home after Dead Inside and while it's not _important _to this chapter, it's related and probably interesting). That's it!

* * *

Sora opened and stepped through his front door—it was unlocked, of course. Few people bothered locking doors on Destiny Islands. Unsurprisingly, the lamp in the corner of the front room was still on, and both his parents were sitting on the one couch in the room, up against the side wall. The look on his mother's face said he definitely wasn't forgiven for being out so late.

_Definitely not when I said when I was hanging out with Kairi… oh man this is bad…_

"Sorry," he said, closing the door behind him. He cleared his throat nervously. The words _I got caught up on the play island _formed on his tongue, but he swallowed them. No more lying. Just the truth, now.

"It's an hour after sundown, Sora." His dad's voice was weary, and his dark eyes tired. He raked his hand through his dark hair, just as dark as Sora's. Had it been any longer, it likely would've stood up just as much as.

"Sorry," Sora said again.

"I assume you have an explanation," his mother said. The raise of her eyebrows suggesting she fully expected an explanation, and likely one of the long winded "explanations" he'd given when he was younger, which weren't really explanations at all, but elaborate lies.

Sora looked between the two of them, still trying to piece together what he was going to say. His father looked exhausted, the grey in his hairline more pronounced than usual. His mother's skin seemed to be stretched tighter across her face, though whether that was from the current anger or her waning age, he wasn't sure. She certainly looked a little thinner than she had six months ago.

His parents were both well past their prime, unlike Kairi's dad, who was still in the middle of his. Sora always forgot the exact age difference between his parents and Kairi's dad, but he knew it was somewhere around ten years.

Sora took a deep breath, and then sat down on the floor in front of his parents, folding his legs under him.

"I need to tell you something," he said. "About… where I've been. For the past six months."

That got their attention. His dad seemed to relax a little. His mother did the opposite, moving to sit on the edge of her seat.

"I- I want you to hear me out. Before you say anything," Sora said, quickly. "It'll be a lot to take in, and a lot to believe, I know that. But hear me out. Please." He lowered his head, silently asking for forgiveness. He shouldn't have lied to them, shouldn't have kept this a secret for so long, even if it had only been a week. He should've told them the day he came home, or the day after, anyway, once the tearful reunion, shower, and a good night's sleep were out of the way.

"Go ahead," his mother said.

"We will," his father said.

Sora swallowed once, then went into it, knowing it was better not to hesitate, better to just get this done.

"I've been in another world."

His mother made a noise of indignation, and he winced. He'd expected it, but it made it no less painful. He kept his eyes fixed on the ground before him.

"Another world?" his mother demanded. "Sora, that's—"

"Akemi… We said we'd hear him out." His father's voice was soft, soothing, like it always was. It was always his father that would ground his mother, that would calm her before her anger could take her. Sora didn't need to look up to see his mother's tight-lipped grimace, nor the concern that darkened his father's face.

"I know it's a lot to believe, and I know I'm asking a lot, asking you to believe it." Sora rest his hands on his knees. He cleared his throat. "Do you… do you remember when the darkness came and swallowed this island? I don't know… where it took you, if it took you anywhere, but it took me to a different world, and I've been there all this time. I- I would've come home sooner, but I didn't have the means until… until very recently."

That wasn't the whole truth, or anywhere near _all _of the truth, but he knew he had to start small. Everything that happened was much, too much to say in one sitting. He'd worry about telling them everything once he was sure that they'd believe him.

"What was it like?" his father asked.

Sora smiled a little. He could always count on his father to support him, even when his mother doubted. It was one of the things he loved most about his father. If he had his father convinced, then eventually, _eventually, _they'd be able to turn his mother around.

"Haru! Don't encourage him!"

Sora tensed, looking up now. His mother looked furious. His father's face showed little expression. The only problem it came down to, was how would he convince his father without a chance to talk to him alone?

"I'm not lying, Mom, I promise you," Sora said, grinding out the words with effort that surprised him. His tone was sharper than he intended, a frustration bubbling in him. He pushed it down, worried. These were his parents. He couldn't yell at them. He was horrified at how strongly the urge to shout pulsed through him, how strongly he wanted to scream at them.

_Is it the darkness…? I hope it isn't…_

"Sora…" his mother began, but a look from his father silenced her. She sighed, deeply.

Sora sighed, too, a heaviness weighing on him.

_They'll hear me out, but I get the feeling they don't actually believe me. I just… If I can convince Dad… _

"If I wasn't in another world, where else would I have been?" he asked. "This island's too small to hide me for six months."

"You could've stowed away on a ship, I suppose," his dad mumbled.

Sora's fingers curled into fists on his knees. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, biting back tears. "I- I didn't…" His voice cracked.

His father said nothing more, did nothing more.

"You must have," his mother said. "And if you did, that's fine, I don't mind. I just want the truth."

"I'm telling the truth! Kairi can back me up!"

Admittedly, saying that Kairi could back him up did little to help him, and he knew it. When they were little, they used to do a lot of pranks and tell a lot of lies. Sora'd thought them harmless, for the most part—and in reality, most of them were—claiming that they'd been attacked by a sea monster when he was really only playing pretend. Kairi backed him up all the time, too, regardless of how silly his stories were or how elaborate.

Honestly, he wasn't exactly surprised at his mother's reluctance to believe him, especially with the knowledge there was a spell on this island. Or, Kairi's dad thought there was a spell anyway. A spell that made everyone forget foreigners after they left, and maybe did more than that. It was to keep the balance, to keep the worlds separate.

Sora's mother laughed, sharply, knowing just as well as he did that Kairi's word meant little. The laugh made something burn in Sora. He wanted to shout, scream, so much more. She was being _thickheaded, _and _ignorant, _and—

_And she's my mother! I can't think of her like that!_

He bit his tongue, trying to quash his ill feelings. He really hoped that, if they were caused by the darkness, that darkness wouldn't be hard to tame. It was going after his parents. His parents!

Sora took a deep breath. He couldn't do anything about that right now. It'd have to wait. Slowly he lowered his head again, curling his chin to his chest. He didn't _want _to argue. He just wanted them to believe.

"I am telling you the truth," he said, very, _very _slowly. "I mean it. I've always been honest to you about the big things, so why would I lie to you now? And- and if I was lying—" He couldn't help the catch in his voice, the hysterics this was pushing him into. Why did it have to be so hard to convince them? "If I was lying, I'd have come up with something better than this. Like- like a crazy witch kidnapped me or—"

"Sora," his dad interrupted.

Sora grit his teeth. He shouldn't let this frustrate him so much, but it was hard, it was so hard. Why wouldn't they believe him?

"I'm telling—"

"That's enough, Sora! I don't want to hear it!"

It was his mother who cut him off this time, and Sora cringed at the sound of it. His throat hitched. His patience snapped like a cut wire. He slapped his hands down against the ground, his head snapped up to look at them. Anger flooded him.

"WHY WON'T YOU _LISTEN _TO ME!?" he screamed. "WHY WON'T YOU _BELIEVE _ME?"

He could feel the way his face twisted up in fury, could feel his lips curl with disgust. Nothing. They knew _nothing. _They were a pair of ignorant fools and—

His father looked surprised, scared. He was pushing himself back against the back of the couch, as if to distance himself from Sora, from his son. His mother looked horrified, too much so to even be angry anymore.

That's when reality snapped back into place around him. The heat of anger fled him, leaving only the cold of shock. His parents. He'd just yelled at his parents, and maybe threatened them. He wasn't sure how they'd interpreted the snarl on his face, wasn't sure if he wanted to consider it a threat.

"I- I'm sorry." The words couldn't leave his lips fast enough. His voice didn't sound sincere enough. "I- I didn't- I didn't. I'm sorry."

Tears rolled down his cheeks. He gasped for air.

"Sora…" his father began.

"I'm sorry."

Sora fled to his room.


	9. In which Kairi and Namine talk AGAIN

**AN/ **I know I updated two days ago but magik is literally at the Big Sequence and I have one more chapter after this one sooooo

* * *

Kairi's dad seemed only mildly surprised to open his front door and see her. "Hi, Namine!" he said, grinning widely. The smile always reminded her of Sora; very open, very casual.

"Is Kairi here?" Namine asked. She was starting to worry she might have missed her. She hadn't left Hollow Bastion _that _late in the morning, but time obviously ran differently between worlds, seeing as it looked like it was quite later here. Late enough that Kairi might already have gone to the play island, if she still went every day, and certainly late enough for Sora to be over, or for her to have gone over to his house…

"Yeah, she's upstairs," Kairi's dad said. Namine let out a sigh of relief. "I can call her down if you want, but I think you can find your way just as well. You did live here." The last bit seemed almost an afterthought.

Namine agreed, saying that she _could _find her way on her own, laughing a little. Forcing a laugh, anyway. She had other things on her mind than Kairi's dad's spotty memory. Not soon enough, she was poking her head into Kairi's room. Kairi was sprawled across her bed, reading. The second bed—the one that used to be Namine's—was still made, which surprised Namine a little.

"Hey!" Kairi said, picking her nose up out of a book and waving. She noticed the look Namine was giving the second bed, then added: "My dad figured we might as well leave the sheets on it, for when Sora spends the night. Or for when you spend the night. Or whatever." She frowned then, closing the book. "You look upset about something else, though. What's up?"

"I… I tried to talk to Riku last night."

Kairi tossed the book on the floor and sat straight up.

"How'd it go?"

Namine shook her head.

Kairi winced with sympathy. "That bad, huh?"

"More like I hardly got three words out before he managed to change the subject," Namine mumbled. She flopped down on the bed next to Kairi, falling back onto her back. Being here seemed to make the tenseness flow out of her, though it did nothing to alleviate her weariness.

She wasn't _physically _weary, of course, not in the traditional sense. She'd slept _very _well last night. She was just… _mentally _weary. She hadn't been able to bring up her nightmares to Riku this morning. The moment she started talking his eyes scrunched up and his mouth curled with distaste. She'd abandoned her attempts after that.

_He's being sour about it, and I haven't even properly told him…_

"Do you want me to talk to him?" Kairi asked, a repetition. Namine was sure she'd offer every time this came up, at least until Namine told Riku, or until it was too late…

Namine shook her head, partially to clear her thoughts, partially to answer Kairi.

"I want him to stop being… I don't know…"

She wasn't quite sure how to put everything that'd been frustrating her about this—about him—into words, let alone a single one that would finish that sentence. _Unreasonable, _maybe, could be what she was looking for, but that almost felt like putting it blandly.

"Butthurt?" Kairi suggested.

Namine laughed in spite of herself. "I wouldn't call it that."

"Then what would you call it?" Kairi shifted to lie down next to Namine, putting her hands behind her head much like Sora would.

Namine shrugged. "I don't know… but it's more than just the nightmares…" She let out a long breath, reaching up to rub her face. "I've been _really _frustrated with him lately, and I'm not even sure why…"

"Not the nightmares, huh…?" Kairi said, slowly. Namine could just picture how she chewed her lip as she thought, even though she couldn't see it from this angle. "Is he doing something to tick you off?"

"Maybe. I don't know."

"Well, think about what's usually happening when you get upset." Kairi turned her head towards Namine. She looked nothing besides patient and understanding.

Namine let out another long breath.

"It's just… he… it's like he completely ignores the fact—"

"They didn't believe me, Kairi, can you believe that!?" It was Sora's voice that interrupted her, accompanied by the heavy sound of his feet on the floor. Both Kairi and Namine sat bolt upright. Namine did a double take at the sight of him, at the scar across his face, and she immediately felt bad for doing so. It was just going to be a while before she got used to seeing it.

Sora had his arms folded across his chest, drumming his fingers against his skin, and he was still ranting. "The _moment _that I mentioned other worlds, they just… you… have Namine over." His annoyance fell immediately once he realized that, and he dropped his arms from across his chest. "Sorry. Never mind." He moved for the door.

Kairi jumped up to intercept him.

"No, hang on, what? What happened?"

Sora just shook his head. "It's okay, talk to Namine. I need to talk to your dad, anyway, really." He pushed past Kairi, heading back down the stairs.

"What's going on?" Namine asked.

Kairi shrugged, slowly, staring out the door even though Sora was long out of sight. After a long moment she turned to Namine, worry etched on her brow. "I think… I think he was talking about his parents…"

Namine's eyebrows raised with shock. His parents. He'd tried to talk to his parents about where he'd been, like everyone in Hollow Bastion had told him to last night, and they hadn't believed him. She hissed in sympathy.

"Do you need to go talk to him?"

She understood completely. This seemed much more important than Riku.

Kairi chewed her lip, clearly worried, but shook her head. "No… he's right. It's my dad he needs to talk to, really—I doubt my word would do anything to convince his parents, if his word didn't, but my _dad's _word, on the other hand…" She trailed off, eyes meeting Namine's, her expression asking if Namine understood. Namine nodded, saying she did.

"Well…" Kairi flopped down in the bed again, though Namine remained sitting. "Where'd we leave off? You being upset with Riku, I think."

"Yeah." Namine grimaced. "I don't remember what I was saying, though."

"Take your time."

It was hard to gear her thoughts away from Sora and his parents, and back to Riku, but eventually she managed. She mulled over their conversation last night, trying to remember what had frustrated her about it, besides the fact that he wouldn't listen to her…

Actually, maybe that was it.

"Well, he wouldn't listen to me when I tried to tell him about my nightmares," she said. "He kept changing the subject, and it was _really _frustrating."

"Understandably so. Not much you can do about that but call him out on it, though."

Namine nodded.

There was something else, she remembered now.

"And then… when he's upset…" She began, then paused. Is that how she wanted to explain it? She tried again. "He does this thing when he's upset…"

"Yeah?" Kairi pressed.

"He gets… he…"

Namine wasn't quite sure how to describe the way Riku's bottom lip quivered in a pout that made him look angry and hurt at the same time. Nor was she sure how to describe how his negativity pressed at the back of her mind…

_Then again, if our telepathic link really is gone… then so is that... _

She'd tried reaching for the connection between their minds again this morning, but like last night, she hadn't been able to grab it. She wasn't sure if she'd say it had vanished, or if it was just… too far away to touch. She still wasn't sure if she'd miss it if it were gone, either. On one hand, it really would be nice not to have her mood affected by his feelings pressing in the back of her mind in the future. On the other hand, it had been nice to be able to talk silently with him, along with being able to hear his negative thoughts and catch him before he could drown himself in them.

"_Yeah?_" Kairi repeated, looking sternly at her. "He does what?"

Namine mulled it over a moment more, then settled on: "He looks like a kicked puppy."

Kairi snorted, and Namine couldn't help the slight smile that came to her face, too, at the comparison.

"A kicked puppy?" Kairi asked.

Namine nodded. "Yeah! Like- like when you accidently step on a dog's tail and they get that big sad look in their eyes."

"Ohhh, oh yeah! Like it's their fault, and—" She stopped, the grin falling into horror. She propped herself up on an elbow, looking urgently at Namine. "_Exactly _like that?"

Namine's stomach twisted as the realization settled on her, too. Exactly like that. Hurt and upset and wanting to apologize, like it was his fault, even though it was an accident, or it was her fault.

_Like him saying it's his fault I was Rewritten, even after all this time. There's that I'm upset about too. That, and every other time he's done it… which is…_

She couldn't specifically count any other time, but she got the feeling there were plenty of them. A couple with Larxene flickered through her mind. Those would've been with the other Namine, though. Or just Larxene. Clearly, she could still see plenty of his memories, connection or no. She shuddered at the thought of Larxene, and did her best to put the shrill voice and ringing words out of her mind.

_"If it's anyone's fault, it's yours, kiddo."_

"Kind of like that, yeah," Namine told Kairi.

Kairi let out a long breath, letting herself fall back against the bed. Namine rubbed her fingers together.

"And… and there's this other thing he does," she said, quietly. "When _I'm_ upset. He'll- he'll drop everything just to try and make me happy again, and frankly, it's a little annoying. Makes it hard to have a serious conversation with him."

"I can imagine." Kairi's reply was distracted, and her eyes were fixed on the ceiling. She chewed her bottom lip furiously, deep in thought. "How long's he been doing this?" she asked, though that was just as distracted.

Namine shrugged. It was another thing that was hard to peg out specific occurrences of, but it felt like it'd been happening forever. Perhaps, even, before she was created. Back in the other universe…

"Forever?" she answered Kairi, with another shrug.

"Right."

Kairi said nothing more, just went back to chewing her lip. The thought of joking a little, asking Kairi if she really thought she could glare the answers out of the ceiling, crossed Namine's mind. She pushed it away, though. She'd never been good with jokes like that, plus she didn't want to derail Kairi's train of thought.

It was an agonizing minute of silence before Kairi finally spoke. "So… let me get this straight… You don't want to talk to him about your nightmares partially because he won't listen, but also because it upsets him and you don't want to deal with that. Plus talking about them will make you upset, which makes him do the thing."

Namine thought about that a second, then nodded. "In a nutshell, I guess, yeah."

"Right. Nightmares, or no nightmares, Namine…" Kairi sat up, looking at her very firmly. "You can't be responsible for Riku's happiness. He should be able to do that on his own."

Namine sighed. "I know…"

"You can't go on like this. It sounds exhausting."

_It is… _Namine admitted, silently. She sighed again.

"What do I do?" she asked.

"Talk to him," Kairi replied, like it was obvious.

Namine made a face. That was easier said than done. She had to tell him about her nightmares first, anyway. And what would she say to him? She'd have to think about it…

"Can you believe it's _May _already?" Kairi asked, changing the subject. "It feels really weird."

"I guess, yeah…" Namine said, distractedly. The problem, in a lot of ways, was bringing it up to Riku while they were alone. They had their own room, of course, but there were still a lot of people in Aerith's house. Even with Tifa and Cloud gone…

"My birthday's tomorrow," Kairi said.

That got Namine's attention.

She turned to look at Kairi, eyes focusing on her this time.

"Is it?"

Kairi nodded. "Yeah. Don't worry about getting me presents or anything, though. It'll be enough if you and Riku just come over. There will probably be cake."

"Were we… _supposed _to get presents?" Namine asked.

Kairi stared at her for a long moment. "Uh. Oh. That's right. You haven't celebrated a birthday before, either." She shook her head a little. "Sora's was back in March, but none of us were around for that…"

"Ah," Namine said, slowly. Now it made a little more sense. Kairi'd had to explain Christmas to her, too, and that had been just as confusing at the time, if not more so.

"Probably best if you don't tell Aerith or anyone, either," Kairi added. "That's part of the reason I didn't bring it up the other night, the other being I forgot. I don't really need them throwing gifts my direction, and you know how Aerith is…"

Namine smiled at that thought. "I won't tell her until after tomorrow, then. She'll probably feel bad for missing it, but she won't make everyone buy you gifts, at least."

"Right." Kairi stood up, stretching. "I should probably go see what Sora wants, now. You're welcome to stay, but you don't have to."

"I… I think I'll go back to Hollow Bastion." Namine stood up, too, and straightened her skirt. "Lemme know how things go with Sora."

"Try not to put off talking to Riku too long."

"I won't."

_At least not about the nightmares, anyway, can't put those off much longer, _Namine thought._ Maybe I'll try when I get back. I'm sure he'll want to go on a round of the town… not that I'm too keen on going… fighting hasn't exactly been enjoyable, ever since being Rewritten._

_ A walk around town would do, though, I suppose…_

"You gonna use one of those dark corridor things, or you gonna use the front door?" Kairi asked.

"The front door, I guess. It might be a little mean to your dad to just vanish on him."

They headed down the stairs.


	10. In which Riku says something unsettling

Kairi's birthday party went well. It was the four of them (Kairi, Sora, Namine, Riku), plus Selphie. It was good to see Selphie again, Namine thought, forgiving Selphie for the spotty memory. Selphie and Sora brought presents, and Namine sketched a quick picture for Kairi—another to go on the walls in Kairi's room. Riku, not wanting to be the only one without a present, gave Kairi some munny. She seemed thankful.

The party was a sleepover, so they all stayed the night at Kairi's, before going home later in the day.

Namine didn't have the time, didn't take the chance, to tell Riku about her nightmares. She hadn't wanted to on Kairi's birthday, and couldn't find the courage to talk to him the day after, even long after they'd returned to Hollow Bastion.

Surely a day more wouldn't hurt. She'd tell him first thing in the morning.

Riku didn't even ask if they would be sharing the bed again tonight, he just flopped into Namine's bed. This was basically the fourth night they'd be doing it, though, so Namine wasn't horribly bothered. Not that she would've been bothered much anyway. She hadn't had a single nightmare since they'd started doing it, and Riku seemed to be sleeping better as well.

At least, he'd been sleeping better until now.

Namine was jolted awake with a start. Riku wasn't thrashing—yet—but his grip on her had tightened drastically, and his breaths were coming in short gasps, and he was mumbling quite a bit

"I- I didn't do anything… Please, please, _please, _I didn't…"

She tensed.

_Larxene._

"Riku…" she said, slowly. "Riku, it's just a dream…"

She grabbed a hold of his arm, partially to be reassuring, partially just to pull it away from her before he could constrict her breathing entirely. She wanted to sit up so she could reach him better, soothe him better, but it was all she could do to keep him from accidentally suffocating her. His muscles were tight and didn't want to move, and she didn't have near enough space to shift at all, let alone _sit up._

"_Please! _I didn't—"

The words cut off completely, not into a groan, not into a scream, just into silence. Namine swallowed, worried, but was rather thankful he wasn't screaming. They wouldn't wake the whole house, that way.

"It's alright," she whispered, hoping to calm him further, to lull him completely into sleep again. "It's just a dream…"

For a long moment, she was sure it worked. He was still very tense, but his breaths had slowed, and he stopped mumbling. His grip on her didn't lessen, though.

And then he spoke:

"I'll kill her."

The words sent chills down Namine's spine.

"I'll do it," he hissed, malice dripping from his voice. "I will. I'll kill her."

Namine tried not to shudder, though she really couldn't help it. She shifted as best as she could to look at Riku over her shoulder, though she could move very little, and couldn't see him as a result.

_Just a nightmare, _she told herself.

_Just a nightmare?! Wake him up, you idiot! Wake him up and tell him everything. If he really means that—_

But after a moment or two, his breathing had slowed completely, and his grip on her had lessened entirely. She could shift to see him, now, and he looked so peaceful, so serene, that it broke her heart to consider waking him.

_The morning. It won't hurt to wait until morning._

Even so, it was a long time before Namine went back to sleep.

**xxx**

_"Do you want to play a game?"_

_ A shiver went down Sora's spine at the sight of Luxord, smiling over his cards. Sora didn't like that smile. He didn't know much about cards, and even less about gambling, but he'd played enough other games to know that was a smile of a man who anticipated winning. And this game wasn't a game Sora could afford to lose._

_ "I've had enough of your stupid game!" Sora shouted._

_ Shouting was all he could do, though. His limbs were limp, though they still moved, just not of his own accord. Closer examination proved why. Strings were attached to him, like he was a marionette. He followed the strings with his eyes, and found them dangling from the hands of his Shadow._

_ That sight sent another set of chills down his spine, especially the sad look in his Shadow's eyes._

_ He turned his attention back to Luxord, only to find it was Maleficent there instead. In his dream, he didn't even question where Luxord had gone, he hardly even realized anyone but Maleficent had ever stood there._

_ "Fool boy, you'd be better off serving me!" Maleficent called, with a sweep of her staff, preparing for battle._

_ Sora's own limbs moved into a battle stance, though the stance was not his own. Normally he held his Keyblade in both hands, not just one, and he never held it at his side like this. _

_ "I'll never let that happen!" Sora shouted. The words rumbled from deeper within him, and he wasn't exactly sure they were his words._

_ The battle raged in ways that should've been impossible, but ways that felt completely right within a dream. Sora hardly kept track of the battle, anyway, so he couldn't quite pick out was wrong with it if you'd asked. It was just… _wrong.

_"I'm doing this because I love you."_

_ The words reverberated in his skull. The words made the battle stagger, they made time slow to a halt. Sora turned to face his Shadow, and it was like moving through molasses. The strings on his limbs had vanished. His Shadow stood before him, golden eyes wide with terror, with sorrow._

_ "If you love me, then why are you _hurting _me!?" Sora shouted._

_ Even his words seemed to leave his mouth at a snail's pace._

_ "I'm doing this because I love you."_

_ Everything snapped, and he fell. It was a short fall, only to his knees, but everything around him had shifted with it. His Shadow was gone. The nether space he'd been fighting Maleficent in had been replaced, filled with familiar images. The front room of his house. The wooden floor beneath him, scuffed by years and years of sand scraping across it on the bottom of careless shoes on careless feet._

_ He was before his parents, on his knees, crying, begging._

_ "Please, just listen to me. Please, I wouldn't lie to you." _

I'm doing this because I love you.

_His Shadows words still pounded in his mind, so hard he thought they might burst from his head._

_ "Sora, there's no such thing as other worlds!" his mother shouted._

_ "WHY WON'T YOU _LISTEN _TO ME?!"_

I'm doing this because I love you.

_It all clutched at his heart, tugging with an unbearable pain. He thought he would explode. What did his Shadow _mean? _Why wouldn't his parents _listen? _Why—_

_ 'You cannot hide from me.'_

_ That was a different voice, a voice that was more felt than heard. It felt like something was pressing on his mind, like footsteps of a small animal across his skin. Every sight, every sound, every feeling around him and within him dissolved at the arrival of that voice._

_ Suddenly there was only mist around him, a grey mist, and he couldn't tell if he was standing, or if he was floating, or if he was even _really _there. The mist was thin and thick around him at the same time. He could see his hand just fine when he waved it in front of his face, but when he held it at an arm's length in front of him, it vanished. Even so, he could see something in the distance, a dark form, a familiar silhouette._

_ It almost looked like… a wolf._

_ And the shape of it, the _feel _of it was so familiar—_familiar?_—he thought he might weep. _

_ 'If you thought you could hide from me, Mahtas, you were a fool.'_

_ The wolf vanished, then the mist, _and then Sora was awake.

He sat for a long moment, at first not recognizing the sight of his own room around him, nor the feel of his own bed beneath him. Reality drifted back to him so slowly, he feared for a second he might still be a sleep.

_That wolf… was it… was that real?_

It seemed absurd, but the mist had felt like waking between sleeping, those few moments when you were awake but didn't dare open your eyes, didn't dare get out of bed. Did he know the wolf? Something familiar about it tugged at him, but for the life of him, he couldn't _remember _seeing it before. The fact it was in his dreams—along with what it had _said—_scared him more than any other of his nightmares had.

Sora untangled himself from his sheets and staggered to the bathroom. He had to hold onto the walls to keep himself upright.

"_You cannot hide from me."_

The wolf's words.

_Had it been talking to _me? _And, and what had it called me? That word…_

He couldn't summon the word to his mind again, nor a concrete meaning for it. He _thought _he knew what it meant, _maybe, _but when he couldn't remember what he word even _was_…

The feel of hot water on his hands brought him back to his senses. He couldn't even remember turning on the water in the sink, and with a hiss of pain he quickly turned on some cold water to balance the hot out. Normally the hot water wasn't warm enough to scald, unless it'd been left running for some time. Obviously, he had been running it for a while…

Sora shook his head and splashed the water on his face, which is what he'd come in here to do anyway.

_It was just a dream… It had to be!_

He turned the water off, slowly, then looked up into the mirror. It was hard not to cringe at his own features, at a face marred. He hadn't had much access to mirrors for a while after receiving the scar, and was sure it'd be a while from now before he really got used to seeing it.

He rubbed at his cheek with wet fingers. The new skin—much lighter than any of the rest of his skin—stung a little when pulled, but it didn't hurt much otherwise. He let out a long breath, lowering his hand from his face.

_"I'm doing this because I love you."_

Sora gripped the edge of the sink and cried.


	11. It Begins

**AN/ **Wow! we've finally hit the Big Sequence! Magik's side of this is in her fic, Remnants, starting in ch61. (Forevermagik13 is her full username, in case you aren't aware of that yet). No, you don't have to read it to understand what's going on, so if you don't want to, you don't have to. There is a reason we wrote it this way, after all.

Oh, there are also minor spoilers for magik's fic in this chapter, and I suppose I am obliged to inform you of them.

But, finally, without further adieu, please enjoy my favorite sequence.

* * *

Riku wasn't in the bed next to Namine when she woke up that morning. He wasn't in his bed, either, not that she'd expected him to be. This wasn't _exactly _strange, of course. It wasn't like he'd _never _gotten up before her before, but…

_"I'll kill her."_

The words he'd said last night. Hissed in her ear as he clutched her like a lifeline. The thought made her blood run cold all over again. She tried to reassure herself. He'd been half asleep, of course, when he'd said it. He was probably just downstairs.

She clutched to that optimism like it was a balloon that would get away the moment she loosened her hold on its string. Slowly, she got up, got dressed, and headed downstairs, heart pounding with anticipation of what she might—or might not—find when she got down there.

The sight she was greeted with when she reached the bottom of the stairs nearly confirmed her worries. Aerith, Leon, Yuffie and Cid were all at the table, eating breakfast. Riku was nowhere to be seen. Namine swallowed. She opened her mouth to ask where Riku was—because maybe he was just on a walk, or doing rounds of the town, or…—but Leon beat her to the question.

"Where's Riku?" he asked.

The blood drained from Namine's face. The optimism didn't just slip from her fingers, it shattered around her.

"What- what do you- do you _mean _he's not here?" she demanded. Her heart pounded in her throat.

_"I will. I'll kill her."_

The words rang in her ears. The images swam in her mind. She had to clutch the stair railing to steady herself.

"So he's _not _asleep?" Yuffie asked.

"Namine… is something wrong?" Aerith asked, over Yuffie.

"Oh no. Oh no _oh no._" Namine's grip tightened on the railing. It was hard to get air into her lungs. "I thought I'd have- I thought I'd have more time I thought… I thought he wouldn't…"

And she'd been a fool to do so. She knew him too well. She knew him _way _too well. He wanted revenge—of course he did—and he had the power to take it. The darkness flooding through his veins… A monster in the back of his mind, biding its time, waiting for the right moment. She'd seen it before, and she knew what fed it.

_"Riku, please, I'm fine!"_

_ "A quick death… that's all I wanted…"_

A hatred for Larxene, harbored in his chest for months.

The power to go after her.

"Namine." Leon's voice was calm. Stern. "Where's Riku?"

The images—so familiar now, after seeing them so many times—repeated in her head.

_Darkness stained walls._

_ Riku, bathed in darkness—_she hated to see that smile on his face.

_A figure, cowering in the corner—_she thought she knew who it was, but she didn't want to admit it just yet. Didn't want to believe it.

"I- I have to go," she said, and opened a dark corridor around herself.

Why had she waited so long to do something?

**xxx**

Finding her hadn't been too hard, not that he'd expected it to be. She ended up being in the World that Never Was, or, what looked like it _used _to be the World that Never Was. The place was in ruins, and darkness stained the walls.

He took a deep breath in, savoring the taste of darkness that filled the air. It was almost as if he could pull from it, too, and not just from the darkness that filled in his own veins.

Larxene was in the remains of the Grey Area, sitting on one of the few couches left, looking a little distressed. The sight brought a smile to Riku's face. She was haggard looking, hairs out of place, her cloak torn. She jumped to her feet when she spotted him. The glare of her golden-green eyes—when had they gained the golden tint?—and the sneer of her lips were harsher than usual, _sharper, _and they should've made Riku cringe. All he did was grin wider.

There was something… _off _about her. Like she didn't quite have it all together.

Darkness sang in his veins, and he nearly laughed from the thrill of it all. She was _slipping. _He'd come prepared to face her at her top form, but he wouldn't have to. Oh, it was his _lucky _day.

"What do you want with me?" she spat.

The way her body tensed was subtle. She was preparing to fight, she just didn't want him to know that. It was a pity he knew her so well.

"Hmm?" her voice flared with annoyance. "Look, it's not _my _fault Xehanort got to Marluxia, so I don't know why you felt the need to hunt me down. And _alone? _Really?" She snorted. "I thought your whole little group worked differently than that."

Riku held up a hand, grinning. "Okay. Hold up." He wasn't sure why this was so _amusing. _It just _was. _"I have _no idea _what you're talking about, and I don't care, either." He was just happy to be here, preparing to fight her. Mainly for his revenge, but it'd been a while since he'd had a good battle, too. He'd been thirsting for one.

Larxene's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean you don't know what I'm talking about? You were _there._"

Riku considered her a second, then burst out laughing. "Oh! I see! You've mistaken me for R… for… someone else."

The words _Real Thing _buzzed on his tongue, but he swallowed them. He'd let her guess. It'd be _fun _to make her guess. Make her _remember _who he was.

"You're _not _Riku?"

She didn't sound like she believed it.

Riku couldn't keep the grin off his face.

"Well, I am, in a way. But, I suppose, from _your _perspective… no. I'm not."

She studied him long and hard, eyes narrowing into a deeper glare with each passing second. Laughter bubbled at Riku's lips. He didn't say anything more, just watched as the gears turned in her head.

"Oh!" she exclaimed, finally. She scoffed, and it was _angry. _Her face contorted with disgust, like he was a piece of gum she wasn't particularly happy to see on her shoe. "That _Replica _Vexen built. Hmph."

Riku's grin just widened further. Any wider and it'd split his face in two.

Larxene summoned her knives, but she summoned them lazily. "Listen, I don't have _time _for you right now. So if you want to save yourself the trouble, and the _pain _while you're at it, just scoot on out of here. I've got more important things to—"

"IT'S NOT GOING TO END LIKE THAT!" Riku roared. His grin fell. His voice shook. His body trembled. Blood pounded in his ears, and the darkness quickened in his veins, surging through him, feeding on his fury.

"I can _take you,_" he hissed, his voice dropping to a normal level. "I can fight you, and I can _win, _and I can _make you pay._"

Larxene laughed, her normal harsh laugh. Riku shivered at the sound of it.

"I'd like to see you try," she called. She threw the lightning bolt before he could blink—had this been any other time, that would've been all took. One lightning bolt, then he'd be down.

But not this time.

He threw up a wall of darkness to catch the lightning bolt, stopping it long before it could hit him. Once the lightning was neutralized, he tossed the wall aside, and then threw a new blast of darkness at Larxene. It knocked her backwards. She cried out in shock… and anger.

Riku summoned more darkness to his fingertips, donned Dark Mode. Dark Mode wasn't a necessity, of course, but he couldn't resist the familiarity of it in this situation. Nor could he resist the way his skin _tingled, _as if just wearing it made him even _stronger. _The strength was intoxicating. He could win the battle with it. He could do so much _more _than just win.

He threw another blast of darkness at her, and then another, and another. She was quick, but she didn't avoid all of them. She couldn't get a single attack in edgewise, he made _sure _of that. He felt pretty confident he could take at least one lightning bolt, but he wasn't stupid. He knocked her back with darkness every time she neared him.

Soon she was yelling and swearing with frustration. Riku savored the sound of it—this was going so much better than he could've anticipated. Any moment she'd be on the ground. On her knees. _Begging _him to quit.

He jumped back, well out of her reach. He crouched down, using his whole body as a conduit, gathering darkness between his hands. He could _feel _how it warped the air around him, as it grew and spiraled. He waited until it seemed to distort the lighting of the room, and then released it—

The force of it sent him skidding backwards.

The strength of it threw Larxene against the opposite wall.

Riku giggled with excitement. He had her. This was _perfect._

She moved to get up, but another blast of darkness kept her down. Riku made his way towards her, slowly, drawing the whole process out. Larxene kept struggling to get up, and she was swearing something awful. He just threw darkness every time she moved, keeping her down with the repeating blasts.

He couldn't relent now. She never had with him.

"C'mon," he whispered, leaning over her, grinning widely. He pulled more darkness into his hands. Relished in the moment as a brief bit of fear flashed through her eyes.

"Let's see what it takes to make you scream."

**xxx**

"KAIRI! _Kairi!_"

Kairi looked up from the game of cards she and Sora were playing. It had been one of their favorites when they were kids, and they hadn't played it in, well, a long time. Long enough that both of them had all but forgotten the rules, anyway.

"Is that Namine?" Sora asked, with a squinty frown up at Kairi.

"Sounds like it." Kairi got to her feet and hurried to the door to let Namine in before she alerted the whole neighborhood. She couldn't help but chew her lip—what was wrong? And, more importantly, if something was so terribly wrong, why had Namine bothered with the front door?

Kairi hardly even got the door open before Namine started talking, very quickly.

"HE'S GONE HE'S DONE IT HE'S DONE IT."

Kairi grabbed Namine by the shoulders. "Okay. Okay, _slow _down, Namine," she said. "Calmly, now, tell me what's wrong."

"Riku went after Larxene."

Namine's eyes were wide with panic, with terror, and she trembled as Kairi held her.

Kairi blinked. She had no idea what that meant.

"Uh."

"THE NIGHTMARES I WAS HAVING."

That got Kairi to understand. Her brow furrowed immediately with concern, and a little bit of anger.

"You didn't tell him about those?"

"I WAS GOING TO THIS MORNING!" There were tears in Namine's eyes. "I- I should've known better, I- I should've told him sooner I should've told him I just. I don't know. I thought waiting a few more hours wouldn't hurt. I thought—"

"Well, what's done is done," Sora said. He sounded a little frustrated, though, which earned him a startled look from Kairi. Now wasn't the time to deal with it, though, Kairi told herself. Riku was the bigger problem, here.

"We- we need to stop him," Namine gasped. "We- we need to- OH NEVER MIND." She wrenched away from Kairi. "I'll go by myself!" Darkness sparked at Namine's fingertips, preparing to from a dark corridor, Kairi assumed. "It'll be—"

"Oh no you don't!" Kairi grabbed her by the arm. She wasn't sure if it canceled the dark corridor out, but she hoped it would shock Namine enough to delay her forming it. "Sora! Star shard!"

"Uh-huh!" He tossed it to her, and she caught it with expertise.

Just because Namine had insisted that Kairi not talk to Riku about the matter didn't mean Kairi hadn't prepared. Riku was her friend, too. She'd respected Namine's wish to try and stop him herself—partially because she hardly even knew what was going on—but she wasn't going to let him do something stupid and dangerous, and given Namine's previous failure to stop him…

"I'll hold down the fort," Sora called. "Let your dad know where you are 'n stuff."

Namine glared, trying to wrench herself away from Kairi again. Kairi was _quite _glad she'd learned a few things from Tifa about hand to hand combat, because otherwise Namine'd have probably pulled out of her grasp by now.

"Kairi, that's- that's not necessary," Namine said. "I can—"

"Too bad." Kairi activated the star shard.

She wasn't quite sure _where _it dropped them off, but wherever it was was a mess. There was plenty of smoke in the air, and it looked like a few things were—or had been—on fire. She did spot, within moments, a group of very familiar people. A little too familiar. A smile tugged on her lips. Seeing the other universe's Kairi was a little bit of a surprise, but definitely a pleasure, despite the circumstances.

"Well great!" Namine shrieked. "We have no idea where we are! And we're- we're nowhere _near _Riku, _or _Larxene! You should've just let me form a dark corridor—"

Kairi grabbed her very tightly by the wrist to prevent her from trying to form a dark corridor again. "Tifa told me once that star shards take you where you _need _to be, not where you _want,_" she explained, slipping the star shard into her pocket for safe keeping. That done, she gestured at the Other Kairi, to prove her point. They were at least in the right universe. "Besides, I don't like those dark corridors anyway."

Namine looked like she wanted to say something, but she never did. She also looked like she was going to be sick. Thankfully, for the moment at least, she didn't do that either.

"What's going on with Riku and Larxene?" the Other Kairi asked, having reached them.

Namine sent a glance at her. She seemed to calm a little, at least past anger, but she was trembling again.

"He's- he's gone and gotten it into his head that he needs to- to kill Larxene," Namine explained, tripping a little over the words. Her voice was tight with emotion. "_Your _Larxene. The one who- who…" She spluttered, then grunted—or growled_, _though Kairi had a hard time believing Namine _growling_—with annoyance. She'd gone a shade paler.

"Has he found her? Do you know?" Namine—well, not Namine. The Other Namine—asked. There was genuine worry, and urgency, in her tone. Her eyes shone with understanding.

Namine—the actual Namine. _Kairi's _Namine?—shook her head. "No. He just went tearing off and by the time I'd told Kairi…"

The Other Namine didn't let her finish. "Then we need to get moving," she said. She looked like she might be sick, too, and whipped her head around as if looking for someone.

"We?" Namine about squeaked with surprise. Then she groaned—no, that was _definitely_ a growl. "Oh, this would've been so much faster if I'd gone by myself!"

"They can _help,_" Kairi said, annoyed. The Other Namine knew Riku, too, didn't she? It wouldn't hurt having her. It wouldn't hurt having _any _of them. Extra hands would be nice. Kairi was pretty sure she and Namine alone could hold Riku, but what about this Larxene he was going after? She was dangerous, wasn't she? Too dangerous to trust that they could handle her and Riku without help, certainly.

_I wish Sora would've come… oh, but he has his reasons. His parents, for starters. If he's having difficulty explaining other worlds to them, certainly another _universe _would be too much. …does _Sora _even know there's another universe? Well, he must know, but has he met anyone from it?_

_ Come to think of it, has _Namine _met anyone from—no, now is not the time!_

"What's going on now?"

Kairi's heart skipped a little at the voice. Sora. No. No, _not _Sora. This universe's Sora. Goodness, he was tall. And was that _Riku _with him? His _hair _was atrocious!

_Not that our Riku's is any—stop with the bunny trails already, Kairi! Stay focused!_

"No time to explain!" she said, before she could distract herself further, or before she could say anything to embarrass herself. She was normally better than that, but being near this universe's Sora was putting her on edge. "They already know what's up." She nodded at the Other Namine and Kairi.

"We need to go save Riku from himself, it would seem," the Other Namine said, so quietly Kairi barely heard her.

"Well, we're somewhat caught up with Marlynort…" Sora—the _Other _Sora—began.

Kairi raised her eyebrows, not sure what in the Worlds a _Marlynort _was, but… oh, there wasn't time to ask! She tightened her grip on Namine's wrist. Namine was struggling enough that Kairi was worried she might try and slip off again.

"Not all of us need to go," the Other Kairi said. "Namine and I can go. And Riku."

Kairi wasn't sure when—or why—the Other Riku had been added into the mix, but alright. It couldn't hurt. Could it? There wasn't time to protest, either. They needed to go!

_If at least, before Namine manages to break from my grasp and goes tearing off on her own!_

The Other Sora and Kairi finished discussing a bit more plans. Kairi bit her lip to keep herself from yelling to hurry it up. Finally the Other Kairi turned to look at her and Namine.

"Well, let's go," she said.

She looked determined. Both Namines looked a little queasy, and a little angry. The Other Riku looked like he might be a little confused, but he said nothing about it. Kairi pulled out the star shard again, and nodded.

"Let's go," she agreed.


	12. In which there is a rescue (of sorts)

**AN/ **right, so this is a day later than magik's chapter (ch63 of Remnants) went up, but magik uploaded a slew of chapters at a rather late time of night. But regardless! Updates should be on schedule again from here on out. There are also some ASAS chapters and other oneshots I've uploaded during the past week, so maybe you should check those out! I hope you'll enjoy.

* * *

Something squeezed Namine's stomach the moment she laid her eyes on the scene before her. They'd found Riku, and that was good. Nothing else was. The scene was so familiar she almost relaxed—if only it had been less horrifying.

The darkness stained walls… This was the World that Never Was, though, and not Castle Oblivion, like she'd initially predicted. An easy mistake to make, admittedly…

Riku was advancing on Larxene, grinning, laughing. The darkness was so strong around him that it was _visible, _all the energy in the area directed at him and _through _him.

Larxene was up against the wall, cowering—_was_ she cowering? Namine couldn't care about that detail. Seeing Riku was enough. She didn't care who he was going after. She wrenched herself away from Kairi and threw herself in front of Riku.

"Riku, no!" she cried.

This was too much. This was too far. She knew what Larxene had done to him—of course she did. She knew it as well as he did—but this wasn't _justified. _No amount of pain could justify this. No amount of hurt.

The thought just brought tears to her eyes. This was the reason she'd been so hesitant to tell him about her nightmares. Telling him not to do this was one thing, but having to explain why she didn't want him to? Telling him that all his pain—all that pain—didn't justify this? He'd assume she meant his pain didn't mean anything at all, which _wasn't _true, but he was stubborn enough as it was…

_And with the darkness, too… _Namine thought, with a constricted chest._ I'd nearly forgotten about it, forgot what it could do to him. It's been so long since I've seen him use it anywhere but in my nightmares…_

Riku paused, the gleam falling out of his eyes. His face scrunched up with confusion. His lips turned down in anger, and his whole stance suggested he might just attack anyway, despite her standing there.

"Namine…" he began.

"Are you trying to protect me?" Larxene asked, from behind. Namine shivered. Larxene's voice—the slight laugh in her tone—was awful to hear, even when she was in this position.

"N-n-no," Namine stammered. She braced her hands out in front of her, prepared to throw Riku back if she had to. She was protecting Larxene, in a way, she supposed, but it wasn't fully in her intention to. Her intentions all surrounded Riku. Protecting Larxene was an unfortunate, but necessary, repercussion.

"Then what _are _you doing?" Riku demanded. His eyes narrowed.

Namine had to swallow to keep her heart out of her throat.

"I'm- I'm protecting—" She had to stop and re-gather her words. Speaking to Riku made her heart thud too loud. She turned her words around, tried again. "I'm protecting him from the monster you made in him, Larxene."

Why was addressing Larxene so much easier than addressing Riku? Why was she so worried about him being angry at her? If she should be worried about anyone's temper, she should be worried about Larxene's. But. Then again…

Larxene only burst out laughing. Anger flared across Riku's features. His hand raised to strike, though he still hesitated. For now. There was a dangerous gleam in his eyes that nearly made Namine choke.

"I think Vexen's to blame for that, not me!" Larxene called.

Namine swallowed, wanting to laugh. That's when Riku shoved her aside and started at Larxene, a growl tearing from his mouth. Kairi was there to stop him, using a blast of light to knock him back.

Once he was on the ground, Kairi sent out another—larger—blast of light. It tingled against Namine's skin as it passed her, filled the whole room. Larxene cried out in what sounded like pain, but she stifled it quickly.

The light faded. Kairi staggered. The Other Kairi rushed to catch her so she wouldn't fall.

"Careful there," she warned.

"Drat," Kairi mumbled. "I was hoping it'd make the air a little more bearable to breathe."

"I… don't think it works like that," the Other Kairi told her, laughing slightly and pulling her out of the immediate line of fire. "Mm… maybe I could try and give you some tips on—"

The area exploded with ice.

**xxx**

With all the ice, and how _cold _the room had gotten, Riku almost feared Vexen had shown up. He found, when he looked up, that Larxene was restrained by the ice, and more importantly, discovered it wasn't Vexen. It was just a very large Blizzaga thrown by Namine. Or. No. Namine was on the ground. It was thrown by the… Other… Namine…

Oh…

Having Namine here was bad enough. Having Namine—the _Other _Namine—was even worse. _Plus _Kairi (two Kairis) and Real Thing? Riku about screamed in frustration. They were _ruining—_

"Hey."

Namine's voice. Namine's hands, grabbing him by the face. But something didn't feel right… She held him as if he were fragile and her hands had more callouses than they should've. This wasn't Namine—wasn't _his _Namine. Her face was narrower, her hair longer, her eyes darker.

The air caught in his lungs. Why was she doing this? She'd never done it before. She'd never—

"One," she said.

Riku stared.

"What?"

"Come on, Riku. One."

She still stumbled over his name like the sounds didn't belong in her mouth. But at least he knew what she was trying to get him to do now. His heart ached from the horrible familiarity of it.

"I don't need to count," he protested.

"Your head needs clearing. One."

"It does _not—_"

"One."

He grunted. "Namine, please." There were more important things to be worried about. That Blizzard spell wouldn't last forever—he should go after Larxene _now, _while she was incapacitated, forget everyone else. Darkness wouldn't negate the Blizzard. He could finish up and… "Just let me—"

"_One._"

The firmness of her voice was too much to resist. He let out a huffy breath from his nostrils, but repeated after her.

"Fine. One."

"Two…"

They kept repeating like that. A trick to clear his head—to clear both of their heads. It'd been months, or maybe a year now, since they'd last done this. Normally it was the other way around, too. He'd hold her…

He couldn't get past six.

"Namine, please, I'm fine!" he protested. He appreciated the gesture, really, but his head didn't need clearing. He knew what he was doing.

"Six," she repeated, not listening to him.

"Namine!"

"That spell's not going to last forever."

"Which is _why _I need to go get her now! Why are you letting this chance slip by?"

She hated Larxene as much as he did. She had to. Why was she making him count? Why did she think he needed to clear his head? He didn't need to. He just needed to go up and go after Larxene again. Make her pay for what she did. To the _both _of them. Why didn't she _understand _that? She, of all people, should.

"One."

"Ugh no okay. Six. _Six._"

They kept counting.

No one interrupted them, which came as a little of a surprise. Not even Larxene tried—though maybe her mouth was frozen, too.

"Riku, your head's not clearing!"

"Ten," he said, ignoring her. The sooner they were done with this, the sooner he could get back to Larxene.

"_Riku, _don't think I didn't notice. Focus on the numbers, not anything else. Forget about Larxene. Like we used to do. _Please._"

It was instinct to listen to her. To pause. Take a breath. Clear his mind.

But he didn't… _have _to listen to her. She may have been the girl he swore to protect, the first girl he ever loved, but she held no sway over him. Not anymore. The numbers were hardly a distraction. His mind kept churning.

The girl he swore to protect… why wouldn't she let him avenge her?

Larxene _deserved_ it. She _deserved _this pain she _needed _to feel how she'd made them feel. It was only fair. Why did Namine's grip just tighten on him? Why'd she continue counting with a fierce determination, like it really would solve their troubles this time? There weren't any troubles to solve. Everything was fine.

The sound of ice shattering caught his ears. He wrenched himself away from her, rougher about it than he ever would've been before. He had to move now. Get Larxene before she got the upper hand. He couldn't give her any openings.

But he was reckless, and he made his biggest mistake.

He got too close to her.

It didn't matter that the darkness cloaked him, flowed through him and out of him in streams. It didn't matter how much fury and pain he fueled into the attack. The moment he took a step too close was the moment he let Larxene take her upper-hand.

Instead of throwing the darkness at her from a safe distance, he ran at her and lunged, preparing to wrap his hands around her neck. The second he was in her space, she'd caught him by the throat, and held him there. One—or both—of the Namines yelled from behind him. One of the Kairis swore.

Larxene just grinned. Her eyes glinted with laughter. Her fingers tightened around his neck. He felt the jolt of lightning before it hit him, and the moment he did, he knew he'd lost his chance.

The lightning went up her arm, through her fingers, into his throat and then through the rest of his body. He was sure he screamed, and then she threw him back. Namine—his Namine—watched from a distance. She looked horrified. It made his gut clench. All thoughts of what he planned to do to Larxene nearly fled his mind. Nearly.

Riku pushed himself up, growling. He had to get up before Larxene got any closer—but the moment he was off the ground, someone restrained him by the wrists. Real Thing. Riku growled a little louder, channeling darkness through himself, preparing to force himself free.

Larxene laughed at him. Laughed. At him!

Well, honestly, he wasn't surprised, but that didn't mean he wasn't _annoyed. _The desire to wrap his hands around her neck grew a whole lot stronger.

"That's cute and all kiddo, but do you even have any idea what the darkness is going to do to you?" Larxene took a few steps towards him, drummed her fingers against her chin, _pretending _like she was trying to remember some piece of information. "Because _I _seem to recall something about you missing… a certain few… Darkness Protection protocols."

She sent him a knowing look. His blood ran cold.

"H-how did… you know?" he demanded.

"I don't think that's a question you need to be asking…" Namine said, slowly. The… _Other _Namine. The one from this universe. It felt weird calling her the _Other _Namine, because he knew her so well, and she didn't seem very other to him. Anyway.

He considered what she said for a moment… maybe she was right. Larxene had been _there _in Castle Oblivion, when he was created. Just because she didn't have a hand in his creation or anything didn't mean she'd never had a chance to look at his data. Or Vexen could've told her…

"What's this about Darkness Protection protocols?" Real Thing asked. He seemed a little worried.

"They keep darkness from eating a Replica from the inside out, from what I gathered. Vexen was too stupid to install them." Larxene said. She smiled unpleasantly.

"He didn't have time," Riku snapped. Defending Vexen was a weird feeling, but there was no taking it back now. Unfortunately. "Besides, I'm quite grateful for it. If he'd installed them, I wouldn't have anywhere near the amount of power I have now."

He poured more darkness out of his body, as some sort of display. Real Thing's grip on him only tightened. He'd have to throw darkness _at _Real Thing to get him to let go, at this point.

"Didn't Vexen say that the darkness could kill you?" Kairi asked.

Gee, what a _great _time to bring that up. Not.

(The way Real Thing tensed behind him only proved it. Now was the _worst _time to mention that.)

"He said I had a few months!" Riku protested. His eyes settled on Larxene again. Though he couldn't see it, the glint in his eyes matched the glint in hers perfectly, and her smile echoed on his face. "Why else do you think I'm here now?" he asked. "I'm getting this taken care of while I can, so I can have no regrets later. There's nothing I'd regret more than not taking my change to get revenge."

"And revenge is going _so _well for you," Larxene said.

His smile fell to a snarl.

"OH SHUT UP!" he screamed.

With a blast of darkness he wrenched himself away from Real Thing's grasp and threw himself at her. Someone grabbed him from behind, halfway into his lunge. A pair of small arms. Namine. _His _Namine.

"LET ME GO!" He struggled against her, not caring if the darkness he threw hurt her. "LET ME GO LET ME GO! I WANT TO HEAR HER SCREAM I WANT TO HEAR HER BEG FOR MERCY I WANT TO—"

"Tough _luck,_" Larxene spat.

She hurled a blast of darkness at them, sending him out of Namine's arms and to the floor again.

"Did you actually think you were _doing _anything?" Larxene laughed. "You can't _seriously _be that stupi… Oh. Wait. Yeah you can."

He pushed himself up as best as he could, glaring, trying to process what had just happened, what she was saying. That was _darkness _she'd thrown at him, so it didn't hurt him too much, but… If she'd thrown darkness…

_Did you actually think you were doing anything?_

All adrenaline, all excitement, all feeling of hope that Riku'd had left him entirely. He hadn't actually hurt her with all that darkness.

"What do you mean?" Kairi—the Other Kairi—demanded.

Larxene grinned widely. It was off, somehow, but not in a good way. Riku wasn't quite sure how to describe it. She'd been _off _this whole time… this was different. The grin was genuine, and just as cruel, it just wasn't _her _grin. Her lips never quite curled like that, her eyes were never that wild.

"_This _is what happens when darkness consumes a _person,_" Larxene explained. The darkness seemed to build around her. "I have it to my advantage now. And as for _you, _you silly little toy…" she giggled "…well, I've already said that it's only going to _eat, you, up._"

If the darkness had consumed her, then he hadn't been hurting her. Darkness didn't hurt darkness, after all. Riku snarled, frustrated at his own stupidity. Frustrated at these circumstances. At her. At everything. Darkness had been his ally. Why had it let him down?

"FINE!" he yelled, jumping to his feet again. His blade appeared in his hand—he'd hardly taken the time to summon it. "There are other ways I can make you scream—"

"Riku, no!"

Namine's hands, clutching at him again.

"Just let me do this!" he roared, pushing her off. "I _need _to do this!"

"_No!_" It was Kairi's hands, grabbing him now, pulling the blade out of his grasp. "You _don't _need to do this."

"_She deserves it!_"

"Maybe she does, but you don't deserve what this is doing to you."

The gentleness of Kairi's voice nearly brought tears to his eyes. The tears made him angry. There was nothing wrong with him. There was nothing too horrible about what he was doing. It was justified. His heart was fine. His data may be at risk but that had nothing to do with this.

"We need to go," this universe's Namine called. "He's too stubborn—"

Riku's teeth clenched. She was right. She was wrong. He tried to pull himself away from Kairi, but too many people seemed to be holding him where he was. Maybe it was only Kairi and his Namine. Maybe it was more than that. He couldn't tell. He didn't care.

"_Let me at he—_AHGH!"

The yell of anger quickly became a cry of pain. Something that burned like lightning but felt like darkness hit him, and again he was thrown near halfway across the room. He thought he heard his Namine scream. Kairi might've screamed too. It was hard to tell. Something was—

He screamed again, kept screaming.

Something felt like it was ripping in his chest.

Footsteps. Someone standing in front of him, protecting him. The click of Larxene's heels pausing. Namine was standing before him, he could just _feel _her presence, despite the fact he couldn't make his body do anything but stare up at the ceiling as he writhed in pain. The familiarity about choked him. It had to be Namine—the Other Namine. Not his Namine.

The tone of Larxene's voice only proved it. She wouldn't speak like this if she were addressing anyone else.

"You better move," she warned.

She was laughing, but she was annoyed. The laughter was angry, sharp. The sound of it made Riku's blood boil. He knew what was coming.

_Move! _he wanted to scream. _Move, I'm not worth it! I'm not worth it MOVE!_

His lips wouldn't work. His body refused to move except to shudder with pain. _Something _was clawing its way through him. He felt like it would kill him. Everything inside of him was on fire, and it wasn't from the lightning. Lightning didn't hurt like this. Lightning didn't last this long. It felt like something was _destroying _every inch of him from the inside out.

It was a wonder he could even focus on anything but the pain.

"No!" this universe's Namine said, firmly.

"Oh, please." Larxene scoffed. "He means nothing to you. Are you really going to take a blow for him? I won't hold back."

"I'm not backing down."

The pain in Riku's chest finally subsided to something bearable. He grit his teeth together, preparing himself for her inevitable scream, but it didn't come. His Namine screamed instead, and that was followed by the sound of her body hitting the floor. Had she thrown herself in front of the blow? _Why?_

He didn't have much time to wonder, or to ask. One of Kairi's hands clasped around his arm. The world jolted from under him. When everything stopped jostling, he was on his side in the sand. Everyone but Larxene was there, too, all looking disgruntled and most of them on the ground.

Waves pounded in the distance. His eyes searched for Namine. He found her on her back, clutching at her chest and writhing.


	13. In which we go to the beach and talk

**AN/ **Magik's side of this is at Remnants ch67. I also made a mix specifically for FtPverse RepliNami (my Riku, magik's Namine), and now that we're at this chapter, I can officially announce it. You can find it along with me gushing about FtPverse RepliNami on the FtPverse blogspot.

And since magik got sappy in her chapter, I guess I'll get sappy in mine: I'm so _so _so glad we got to work on this, and that this sequence was able to happen. I'm so glad that all of this got to happen.

* * *

Namine clutched her hands in front of her chest and bit her lip. She was still in quite a bit of _pain, _but it also appeared to be fading. For the most part. It took her a second to register the shouts of _Curaga! _followed by the healing energy seeping through her bones. It took her a second longer to realize _that _was why the pain had faded.

Before she even had time to sit up or take in her surroundings—past the sand that stuck to her skin—someone was shouting.

"How could you be so _stupid!?_"

The Other Namine.

Shouting at _her._

Namine sat up straight, hands clutching into fists. "_You _were going to take it!" she shouted back. "What's it matter that I pushed you out of the way?"

"I had it under control!"

"Did you really?" the Other Riku asked. His voice was filled with a bitter laughter—an all too familiar sound.

The Other Namine grimaced as if there were something foul in her mouth.

"It's _fine,_" Namine said. "_I'm _fine."

"That should've been _me—_and what's it matter to you who took it as long as Riku didn't?" She jerked her head over in Riku's—not "Real Thing"'s—direction, just to clarify who she was talking about. Not that she had to.

Namine let out a short bark of anger. "I didn't do it to save _him! _I did it to save you!"

The air around them froze.

Namine went pale, realizing the words that had just left her mouth. It was true, of course—she'd never doubted it was true. She'd _known _from the moment she took the blow _why _she was doing it. But she hadn't intended to _admit _it.

"_What?_" the Other Namine demanded.

"I- I dunno," Namine stammered, her confidence—and anger—quickly lost. She shook her head in exasperation. "I just… I couldn't bear the thought of you getting hurt." The words felt funny in her mouth. The silence that settled after them was thick on her skin, so she laughed to fill it. "Chalk it up to being built from his data," she said, trying to lighten the mood. She nodded her head over at Riku.

The Other Namine stared, blinking rapidly. She said nothing. No one else did either. Namine tried to hold the other Namine's gaze for a moment, but it was a hard look to bear. Especially with the knowledge of what she'd done—taking the blow to protect _her_, and not Riku…

Namine tore her gaze away. Searched to find her Riku.

He was on his side, looking like he was probably in a lot of pain too. He kept trying to push himself up, but his arms didn't have the strength to support his weight yet. His eyes were wide, whether with shock or worry, Namine wasn't sure.

"Are you _alright?_" Kairi asked, breaking Namine's attention.

"Fine," Namine said, not sure if she meant it. She swallowed, running her fingers over her collar bone, where it hurt the most. From the looks of it, her skin was darker in that spot, marred by the darkness of the blow. Her shirt had been torn a little, too.

"Are you _sure_?" Kairi pressed.

Namine met her eyes, and nodded, firmly. She was sure now. "Yeah. I'm fine. It- it still stings a little but… I'm fine."

The Other Kairi studied her. "Well, from the looks of it, it didn't break skin or anything, so there's only… darkness to worry about…" Her mouth crinkled with distaste.

"I can try to—" Kairi began.

"It's _fine, _look." Namine moved her hand and tilted her neck a little so Kairi could see better. "It's mostly faded already. I don't think I'm in _serious _danger or anything."

Her eyes found the Other Namine again. Her mouth ached to say _it was nothing, _that she wasn't even really _hurt. _The mark on her skin proved otherwise. Even if she was "fine", it hadn't been _nothing _to throw herself in front of the blow like that.

The Other Riku cleared his throat. "Destiny Islands, huh?" he asked. He was on his feet, staring out at the sea. "Wasn't exactly expecting here, Kairi."

"First place that came to mind," the Other Kairi answered.

The Other Riku just nodded, scanning the horizon a moment more. Then he turned back to the group. "More importantly…" he said, slowly. "What are the chances of Larxene following us?"

"High," Riku croaked.

The Other Namine shook her head. "She won't- She won't track us here, not right away," she said. "It'll take her a while to track us down at all."

"It's me she'll come after…" Riku moaned. He rolled over onto his back, burying his face in his hands. He didn't sound nearly as confident in himself as he had mere minutes ago. Namine couldn't blame him—at least, not for the lack of confidence. For other things… well…

"Can she find you if you're in the other universe?" the Other Kairi asked.

Everyone was silent for a moment.

"I… wouldn't put it past her to _try…_" the Other Namine said. "But… does she even know that there _is _another universe?"

"I wouldn't count on her not knowing," the Other Riku said. "It's not like she can't find out. I'm sure one of the Vexen Replicas over here will squeal if she, uh… _persuades _them."

Namine was caught between laughing and shivering at the suggestion. Larxene's methods of persuasion were, well…

"Might buy us some time, though… won't it?" Kairi looked around.

The Other Namine nodded. "At least until we can do something about her over here, yes."

"Then we should head back as soon as possible." Namine didn't hesitate before saying it. There were a lot, _a lot, _of things she wanted to talk to Riku about, but they could wait until they were home. Until he was safe.

The Other Riku shook his head. "I think we have a few things to discuss, first."

Everyone's eyes trailed over to Riku. Namine's heart caught in her throat. Of course. Everyone wanted to talk to him, just as much as she wanted to. She'd been silly not to realize that.

Riku slowly sat up, realizing that everyone's attention was on him. He said nothing, even though he looked like he was burning to do so. He just eyed each of them, _daring _them to call him out.

Namine took a deep breath, trying to piece any words she wanted to say together. What did she want to say? _"This was too far"—_of course, but it was surprisingly hard to make herself look him in the eye as she thought it, let alone get her mouth to form the words. She knew why he did it. How much it meant to him. The thought of telling him his feelings were wrong—though it was his actions that were wrong, not his feelings, but he wouldn't see it like that—near paralyzed her with fear.

"Well," the Other Namine began. Namine sighed with relief. She didn't have to speak first. She could let her words churn in her mind a little more, as she tried to figure out what to tell Riku. …if only she didn't have to do it _here_.

"I can understand _why _you did it," the Other Namine continued. "What I think you don't realize is that you're now running the risk of…" she trailed off. Her mouth worked for words for a second, before stopping. It was nice to know she was just as tongue-tied, speaking to him, Namine supposed. Or was it terrifying?

The Other Riku spoke up. "The main point of this is that you have _way _too much darkness coursing through your veins." He shook his head, grimacing. "I felt it myself…"

Namine watched Riku—her Riku—as his face scrunched up with fury. Having the Other Namine be angry at him seemed to upset him enough as it was, but it was like he couldn't take the same sort of disapproval from the real Riku. That, or he cared less when it came to screaming at Real Thing.

"Are you all just going to sit here and berate me?" Riku demanded.

"That's not what we're _trying_ to do," the Other Namine assured him, quickly. Too quickly. It made Namine's stomach churn. "We just want you to understand the consequences of your actions—"

"The consequences of my actions are that Larxene _dies!_" Riku about screamed when he spoke. "What's the problem with that, huh? I thought you would've _wanted _that."

_ I do, _Namine thought, though he hadn't spoken to her. Not directly, anyway. _But… this…?_

This moment. This feeling in her stomach. Watching him like he was a bomb about to go off—the worst part, he was. One wrong word, and he'd explode on all of them. _This, _she didn't want.

"That's not the point," the Other Kairi said. "We all want her gone, too. And trust me, we will make sure she goes. But toying with her and wanting to make her beg for mercy… isn't that exactly what she did to you?"

Riku's face darkened. His fists sparked, just slightly, with darkness. _One wrong word._

"It would've been _fine _if she hadn't been immune to darkness…" he grumbled.

Except it wouldn't have been fine.

"You're not immune to darkness yourself," Real Thing countered.

Riku growled. "Vexen said I had a few months!"

"I think we should go back to Castle Oblivion and have that checked out," Kairi said.

Namine shot a look at her, confused. Hadn't Riku mentioned something about Vexen—or anyone—not being able to do something about his darkness for a while? She hadn't _been _there for the initial discussion about it, of course (being… well, _Rewritten _and all…), but 7 had mentioned it, and she and Riku had talked about it. A little.

Riku growled some more and swore under his breath. Namine sighed. If anything, they needed to get back to Castle Oblivion so she could ask _someone—_preferably Vexen—what state Riku's darkness was _really_ in. He hadn't been very forthcoming past the "yes it's dangerous" and "no it can't be fixed right now". Though, if Larxene was to trust, it was definitely more than just "dangerous".

Why hadn't he told her how deadly it actually was? Did he think she wouldn't care? Or did he just not want to worry her? Knowing him…

_Then again, it's not like _you _were very forthcoming with him, either, _she scolded herself. She tried to ignored the pang in her chest at the thought, shaking her head to clear it.

"…important thing is that you _don't _turn into the monster Larxene is," the Other Namine was saying. Of course, words like those caught Namine's attention. That was exactly what she'd been wanting to tell Riku. If the Other Namine told him, then… maybe she wouldn't have to—but would the words mean as much to him coming from the Other Namine?

The Other Namine pressed on: "If you want to help us take care of her, I'm sure we can work something out. But revenge is not the answer."

Riku threw his hands over his ears and dug his fingers into his head. "Why is that all anyone _tells me?!_" he screamed. Namine flinched back from him, even though she knew he wouldn't hurt her, knew she wasn't even close enough for it to be a problem even if he would. The darkness swelled around Riku as he kept screaming, mocking: "Revenge isn't the answer! _Revenge isn't the answer! Revenge isn't—_"

"Because we care about you," Namine interrupted. Words to calm him. To tame the beast in him. She hated the fact that she had to even do this…

_If you hate it so much, then just don't do it!, _she told herself, furious.

But that wasn't an option.

"Yes," Riku said. His tone was bitter. Sharp. "Yes _you_ do—though I haven't heard a word about this come out of your mouth until now—but them?" He gestured in the Other Namine's and Other Riku's direction. Had the Other Kairi not been on his left, he might've gestured at her too. "What do _they _care?"

"Because it involves our Larxene, and our universe," the Other Kairi answered.

"Because it's dangerous," the Other Riku said. "You're on the verge of _accidently killing yourself, _from the sounds of it, and I know _I _can't just sit by and let you do that."

"Because if you think I don't care about you, you're stupid." The Other Namine met his eyes. Her voice didn't waver at all.

There was a long silence. Namine forgot to breathe, waiting for how Riku'd respond. _Fearing _how Riku'd respond.

"I'm _stupid?_" he asked. There was a pause, and then he laughed—that bitter laugh of his, even though it was softer and quieter than usual. The pain in his eyes was near unbearable. "Really? It's not like you've ever given me a reason to think you cared about me before. All those times you could've thrown yourself in front of me?—and yet you didn't before now."

"That was then and this is _now!_" the Other Namine didn't shout, but she sounded like she wanted to. "I've changed since then. _You've _changed since then."

"So… what? You've changed and suddenly decided to start caring about me?" Riku asked. He didn't shout, either, but there was a hostility in his tone.

The Other Namine shook her head. "Honestly, I'm just glad you're _alive. _I moved on. You moved on…" Her voice darkened. "But _unlike you, _I got over my fear of Larxene and stood up to her—not to say that I wasn't completely terrified—and standing up to you was _nearly _as bad. But I didn't try to make her re-live all the pain she put _us _through. Because, admit it, that's just too cruel for either of us."

There they were. All the words Namine wanted to say, laid out in the air before her. She didn't even have to say them. All she had to do was confirm them. Nod. Say she believed the same.

"Hmph." Riku grimaced, folding his arms across his chest. Clearly _he _didn't think much of what the Other Namine'd said.

"She's right…" Namine muttered. She looked at the sand in front of her instead of at him.

"What?"

There was surprise in his voice. Hurt?

"Never mind."

She didn't want to do this. She didn't want to have this conversation. Not now. Not here. Not _ever _if she was honest. She just…

"Namine!" Kairi scolded.

Namine tensed. "I said never mind."

"Oh come _on, _Namine," Kairi said. "You can't keep doing this! You can't keep—"

"Kairi… please…"

She didn't want to have this argument now. She didn't want to be here now. Five pairs of eyes watching her. The air bristling between them. Not even the sound of the waves in the distance was a comfort. Nothing here was a comfort.

"Look, I'd tell him for you, but this is something you need to say—" If only Kairi'd stop talking…

"What?" Riku asked. "What does she need to say?"

"Nothing." Namine gripped the edges of her skirt. She hunched her shoulders, and still didn't look up at Riku.

"Namine, come on, I know you couldn't tell him about the nightmares, but—"

"Nightmares?" Riku interrupted. Namine was a little relieved. She could handle discussion about those. Probably. "Is that what you've been having nightmares about? _This?_"

He sounded surprised. Hurt. Angry…

"Well—"

"Why didn't you _tell me_?!"

_Hurt._

"I _tried _to, Riku, but you wouldn't listen and…"

"_And?_"

"I WAS SCARED!" she screamed. She was tired of holding it in. Tired of all of this.

"…_what?_"

The anger fled Riku's voice. The hurt remained etched on his face. Namine swallowed, fumbling for the words. She couldn't back out again. She couldn't turn back now, and it about killed her. This was the last thing she wanted to be doing.

"I was scared- I-" she stammered. "You were… you were scaring me."

Riku turned away, his face scrunching up in pain. He raked a hand through his hair. He looked on the verge of tears—on the verge of collapsing entirely.

"I'm- I'm sorry."

The words should've comforted her. Appeased her. All they did was tick her off. She was tired of him stopping everything he was doing—feeling—just to apologize to her. The words were rarely _sincere, _anyway, just said to please her. She was so _tired _of it. So tired of _this._

"For what?" she demanded.

"For scaring you."

He didn't miss a heartbeat.

"And for Larxene?"

Neither did she.

"What's that matter?" Riku asked, squinting at her in confusion.

She swallowed, preparing her words. "Riku—"

He didn't give her the chance. "Why do you all care so much about her? Huh? I didn't actually _hurt _her—"

"But you _wanted _to!" Namine countered. "And you were _going _to, and had she not been immune to the darkness- the- the things you would've _done _to her…"

She couldn't repeat them. Couldn't give life to the images she'd seen in her dreams, the voices she'd heard for weeks. They were too horrible to dwell on, let alone _recount. _

"She _deserved _it!" Riku yelled. "Didn't she? Didn't she _deserve _to feel the pain she put me through—put _us_ through?" He sent a look over at the Other Namine.

She shook her head. "_No one _deserves that. Not even Larxene."

"And only- only _monsters _do that to other people," Namine added. Her stomach squeezed itself as she said it. She thought she might be sick. "Only- only _monsters _force that kind of pain on someone—only monsters like Larxene. And- And Riku… Riku you are so much _better _than her. I- I want to _believe _you're so much better than her…"

She swallowed the bile in her throat. _He's not a monster—_that's what she wanted to think. But there were times… There were times that Riku was _so much _of a monster. There were times when he was so much like Larxene. So many times when he'd gone out of his way to anger someone else just to see them rage—and _enjoy _it. So many times…

"…you think I'm a _monster_?" Riku asked. His voice cracked. Any other emotion he'd worn before had shattered. Now it was just pain. Like she'd broken his heart in two.

_And in so many ways… Maybe I have…_

The thought was too much too bear, and she couldn't answer his question. She wanted to tell him no. She _wanted _to tell him no, but…

Him standing above Larxene like that, laughing as she cowered…

Other times, she'd seen him, and she'd never been sure if it was just the darkness or if it was him. There were so many bad habits he'd learned from Larxene—why should she assume cruelty _wasn't _one of them?

Why should she assume that it was only the darkness, and not at least partially him?

"Namine…"

She had to look away from him, bit her lip to keep the words _"no of course I don't" _from spilling from her mouth.

"The- the darkness—" he began.

"Is not entirely responsible for your actions," the Other Riku broke in. "Did it contribute? Oh, I'm sure. But some of this was you."

"I- I just… I just… N-_Namine…_"

She shook her head. Pulled at the edges of her skirt, not that there were any loose threads to occupy her fingers. The skirt was brand new, after all.

"I- I don't really- don't really wanna talk about it right now." She didn't have the energy to raise her voice above a mumble. "I don't want to be having this conversation right now. I- we… we need to go home."

"Are you sure…?" Kairi asked.

"I- I need to have 7… have him look at this," Namine said, rubbing the wound on her chest.

"Oh, right, I nearly forgot." The Other Kairi handed her a potion. "Take this. It should help."

There was no point refusing, so Namine just took it and nodded her thanks. She let Kairi help her to her feet, and then grabbed Kairi by the shoulder, so Kairi could use her other hand to grab Riku.

"Namine," he said again, not budging. "_Please…_"

"Come on or I'm leaving you here," Kairi said. She held a hand out to him.

After a moment, he took it. Goodbyes were said—all brief. Namine kept her eyes on the ground the whole time. She could feel Riku's gaze burn into her, even when Kairi activated the star shard and they were whisked back to their universe.


	14. In which we talk on ANOTHER beach

**AN/ **Just so you know, there will not be a chapter commentary for this chapter.

* * *

When the sand crunched beneath her feet, Namine almost feared the star shard hadn't worked. It was only with the realization that the three of them were the _only _ones in sight that she thought better of the fear. Of course it'd worked. Kairi'd just taken them to _their _Destiny Islands.

"Why here…?" Namine asked, looking up at Kairi. She avoided Riku's gaze entirely—avoided looking at him at all.

"I could guarantee getting us to the right universe if I aimed here," Kairi replied. "It is home, after all."

Namine nodded, letting go of Kairi. She took a step back and nearly tripped over her own feet.

"Namine…" Riku began again.

Namine flinched. Looked down at the sand. Not at him. Her mind spun for ways she could avoid this conversation. She supposed she could just from a dark corridor around herself, but it just… It didn't feel right. Except… what else was she going to do?

"Riku… I just…"

"Riku, I think Namine wants to talk to me," Kairi interrupted. "So shoo shoo and give us some privacy."

"But—" Riku protested.

"_Shoo shoo._"

"This will only take a second—"

"And this will only take a minute. Go on. Shoo shoo."

Riku eventually sighed in defeat. He trudged off—not that Namine was sure where he'd eventually go. Kairi watched him, making sure he'd move out of earshot. He surprised both the girls by forming a dark corridor around himself ten paces from them.

"Well, that takes care of that," Kairi said. She turned to Namine. "Well?" she asked. "I know you don't necessarily _want _to talk to me, but since we have the privacy to do so…"

"Thanks," Namine mumbled. She couldn't bear to look at Kairi in the eye, either.

"…you don't have to talk to me," Kairi said, after a moment. "It just didn't look like you wanted to talk to Riku…"

Namine sighed. "I don't," she said. "I should… I just…"

Now she'd worried him. More than worried him. She should really talk to him, to make sure he knew everything was okay… except… everything _wasn't _okay. No, she didn't _really _think he was a monster, and the least she should do is go clarify _that _with him. But, as for everything else…

She was tired of this routine.

"It's… it's _exhausting,_" she mumbled, more to herself than Kairi.

"What is?" Kairi asked.

"This… Me and Riku… It's…" Namine shifted from foot to foot. Tugged at the edges of her skirt. "It's exhausting," she repeated, unsure of what else to say.

It was a relief to say it, though. Like a weight had been lifted from her chest. After a deep breath, she kept going.

"I feel- I feel like I'm being _crushed _by his need for me to be happy. His need to stay in my good graces. I… mmhg…" She smoothed her skirt down—not that it needed smoothing, it was just the action of running her hands down it that soothed her. "I'm so _tired _of it, and- and I know that I basically just told him that I think he's a monster… and…" Her confidence fled. "And maybe I'm… overreacting…."

"Look," Kairi clapped a hand against her shoulder, squeezing it a little. "The way I see it… you _did _just basically call him a monster and he's got every right to be upset about that. But… you said this has been happening forever. Or basically forever. Him being upset about you being upset, I mean."

"Yeah," Namine agreed, not that she'd needed Kairi to specify. She sighed. "I think it'd be a little easier to stomach if I didn't always feel like he was more upset about me _being_ upset than _why _I was upset…"

Kairi squeezed her shoulder a little tighter. Namine grimaced.

"Because, I mean, I don't know how many times someone told him that what he was doing to Larxene—or trying to do—was wrong," she continued. "But he didn't seem to care until _I _was the one who said it. And then- and then it _felt _like he was only apologizing to make me happy. He wasn't _really _sorry about Larxene—I know he wasn't!"

Honestly, she didn't expect him to _ever _be sorry about what he'd tried to do to Larxene.

"Well…" Kairi drummed her fingers against Namine's shoulder. "If you're upset about this. Tired of this. Then you need to fix it."

Namine looked at Kairi, remembering that she had to look _up. _Kairi'd grown taller by quite a bit since the last time she'd seen her, before the World that Never Was. It was going to take her a while to get used to, just like seeing Sora with that scar was. Namine swallowed, trying to drag her attention back to the actual matter at hand.

"…how do I do that?" she asked.

Kairi shrugged. "You just gotta tell him what's wrong. There's really nothing else you can do."

"And…. when he gets upset?"

"I… I don't have any advice for that."

Namine let out a long breath, and hung her head.

"Not even an offer to do it for me…?" she asked, weakly, more joking than anything else.

"Namine, I'd _love _to," Kairi said. "But it was one thing when I was just telling him not to do something incredibly dangerous and stupid—I can't tell him that there's something wrong with your relationship. He's gotta hear that from you."

"Figures…"

Kairi shifted so she was standing in front of Namine. "Hey, chin up. Look at me." She reached out, tilting Namine's head up with her fingers. Once she'd done that, and was satisfied Namine wasn't going to look back down, she grabbed Namine by both shoulders, squeezing them tightly. "You're _strong, _Namine. You are so, so, _so _strong. You can do this, alright? Deep breath… good!"

Namine waited a second, regulating her breaths until Kairi let go of her.

"I…. don't think I want to do it now, though," she said.

Kairi studied her a second, cocking he head to the side as she considered that. "Mm… I guess you don't have to do it now… _but, _the longer you put it off, the harder it's gonna be."

Namine nodded. "Maybe tomorrow," she said. "Once I've sorted out what I want to say to him."

"If you want me for moral support or anything just lemme know."

"I will…. Well… I should get going. I still need to have 7 look at this." Namine's fingers trailed over the wound absentmindedly. It still stung, just slightly, especially when her fingers brushed it.

Kairi reached out, her fingers meeting Namine's on the wound. She traced the wound with care, as if fearing hurting Namine any more. Namine bit her tongue to avoid grimacing too much with discomfort.

"I could always…?" Kairi began, but trailed off uncertainly.

Namine shook her head. "You're not that good at healing and you know it."

Kairi grimaced, but didn't deny it. After a second, she pulled her hand away. Namine smiled at her. "I'll, uh, I'll let you know," she said. She took a step back, away from Kairi, preparing to form a dark corridor.

"Ah, wait real quick," Kairi said. Namine paused. "Are you two… like… _dating?_"

Namine frowned in surprise at the question—she hadn't expected anything like it—but her shock and confusion didn't stop the color from rising in her cheeks. "Well. Uh. I- I mean." She cleared her throat. How to put it? She and Riku weren't dating in the _traditional _sense, but… "Well we… haven't done any, y'know, _dating. _Anything. But, uh…" She cleared her throat again. Her cheeks felt very hot. "I love him. And he loves me. And… I guess… I guess what that comes down to."

"Well I didn't figure you'd done any 'dating things'," Kairi said. She was giving Namine a wry look that made her turn even redder. "I just wanted to be clear on you loving him."

"I- I don't see why that- why that matters."

Kairi's wry look vanished completely. "The more you love him, the more this has gotta change, that's all—and the more you love him, unfortunately, the harder it's gonna be. Trust me. I know."

Namine swallowed. She didn't have to ask to know what Kairi was talking about.

Kairi smiled reassuringly, then. "Chin up, though! You can do it."

Namine nodded. She formed a dark corridor.

**xxx**

"Namine…"

She cringed at the sound of Riku's voice, though she regretted it the moment she did. He'd been waiting for her in Castle Oblivion. How he'd managed to predict where she'd head and make sure to be waiting not ten feet from her arrival spot was a mystery. But there he was, pushing off from the wall, heading over to her. His face was still scrunched up in that expression between pain and sorrow—an expression that, unfortunately, did look very much like a kicked puppy.

"I- I don't want to talk right now," she stammered, taking a step away from him, directing her gaze over his shoulder. If she had her sketchbook, she'd hug it to her chest. She hugged her arms to her chest instead. "I- I still need to… need to figure out what I want to say. I need some- some more time to process this. I need…"

"Can you answer one thing?"

His voice was even when he cut her off. His hands were trembling at his sides.

She studied him a long moment, though not quite directly. She couldn't stand looking at him directly for long. Finally, _slowly, _she said:

"Depends on the question."

He swallowed.

"…do you really think I'm a monster?"

She squeezed her eyes shut. _No, I don't, not really, but… But…_

"Riku... I'm- I'm _sorry, _that's not… that's not an easy question to answer…"

"So you do think I'm one!" His voice only raised slightly at the accusation—largely, he just sounded relieved to have an answer.

"I didn't say that," Namine argued. She tried to be patient as she spoke, but her voice still got louder as the words left her lips, still shook with frustration. Him jumping to conclusions like this, not giving her a chance to explain herself—especially when it was threatening his feelings—that was another to add to the list of things she was getting really tired of.

Riku's eyes narrowed. "Namine, this shouldn't be a question you have to _think _about. And if you _do _have to think about it, then that means, yes, you do think I'm a monster. You're just trying to find the kindest words to break it to me in."

"Riku—"

"Don't bother." He interrupted her with a slight shake of his head, with a raise of his hand to signal her to stop. "I don't _need _kind words. In fact, I'd _rather _you just yell at me. Go on. Say it. I'm a mons—"

"_Stop that!_" Namine shouted. She dropped her arms from her chest. She wished he'd stop looking at her like that. She wished he wasn't having this conversation. Wished she was anywhere but in this black hole of a moment.

At least her yelling disarmed him enough to give her a moment to gather her thoughts.

"I- I don't think you're a monster," she said, as firmly as she could manage. "Or… I don't _want _to believe you are. I don't, Riku! But- but sometimes…"

She took a deep breath. Took another. Had the air in this place _always _been so hard to breathe? Had the white of its walls always bugged her eyes so much? Her gaze kept trailing back to Riku, the dark clothes he was wearing a stark relief to the burning white of the rest of the Castle. Except looking at Riku just made her stomach churn…

"Sometimes?" Riku prompted. The snarl of his lips was angry. Impatient.

"It's… it's like…" she tried, but couldn't find the words.

She tore her eyes away from him, squinting so that the white walls behind him didn't hurts as much. She hugged her arms to her chest again. Her palm pressed against the wound, and she near jumped from the shock—and pain—of it.

That's when the right words hit her. She gagged at the thought of them, and the memories that came with them, but they were words he'd understand.

She wet her lips. Swallowed. "Y-y'know how… when… when I was Rewritten?" she asked. "You said- you said it was like Larxene in my body. Her voice coming out of my mouth. That's- that's what it's like with you, sometimes."

It wasn't easy to get out. The memories pounded in her head. The things she'd done when Rewritten. The things she's said to him. The snarl that formed on Riku's face when he realized what had happened, why she was acting how she was. Feeling like Larxene had been sickening enough. Having Riku nearly kill her for it was just as bad.

She swallowed again. Pressed on, though each word was like agony in her throat.

"Sometimes- sometimes you… sometimes all that comes out of you is _her. _Her- her cruelty. Her words." Namine didn't clarify that by _her _she meant _Larxene. _She didn't need to. "Sometimes the line between you and her is blurred. Sometimes I can't- I can't see if there even _is _a line separating you from a monster…"

Her heart jumped to throat as she finished speaking. She hunched her shoulders, clutching herself tighter, trying not to double over. She really _was _going to vomit—or it sure felt like she would. Tears welled up in the corners of her eyes. The silence that surrounded the two of them was much worse than her words. Waiting for Riku to say something.

"I…" he began, but he didn't finish.

"I need to talk to 7."

It killed her to leave it at that. To leave without letting him respond. But she couldn't bear his face anymore. Couldn't bear how his lips quivered. How it looked like she'd just shattered everything his world was about.

She couldn't bear meaning that much to him anymore.

_"The more you love him, the harder it's gonna be…"_

She turned her back on him.

"Namine! Wait!"

"_Please…_" She didn't turn around. "I need more time to sort this out. I need- I need more time to get my thoughts together, Riku, and- and I can't…"

_…can't do that with you looking at me like this._

She started walking. The walking soon became a run as he called after her again, and again, and again.


	15. uh oh

Namine was surprised—though quite relieved—to see Vexen sitting at the other computer in 7's room. He explained that 7 made good company, though he didn't say what he needed the company for, or even what he was busy typing up on the computer.

Namine didn't find it in her to care what he was doing, though. "Vexen, can I ask you something?"

"Mm? Oh, yes." He looked up at her, squinting a little, looking quite distracted. His eyes narrowed after a second of studying her longer. "Wait a minute. Are you hurt?"

Namine cursed under her breath and moved her hand to cover the wound. It was no use. 7 was there in seconds, tugging her hand away.

"Namine… let me see… if you're hurt—"

"It was a blast of darkness," Namine mumbled. There was no point in resisting 7.

Vexen's eyes narrowed even further. "From what?"

Namine shook her head. "That's a long story, and I have a slightly more important question for you."

"You need to get repaired first," 7 insisted.

"I'm a little more worried about the darkness having any… negative side effects on my data or whatever."

"Mm… it shouldn't—but I'll run a scan on you while you talk to Vexen. Sit."

Namine sat on the cot closest to 7. It was exhausting to argue with him—which was probably why he was so good at his job as a Medic.

"About… Riku's darkness?" Namine began.

Vexen let out a long breath.

"How much did he tell you?"

"Just that it was dangerous but you couldn't do anything to fix it," Namine said. "Kairi also mentioned it could kill him—which he _didn't _mention."

She considered mentioning what Larxene had said, too, but decided against it. She hardly knew what to say to _Riku _about the matter. Dragging Vexen into the mess would only complicate things.

"Well… it _can't _kill him, exactly," Vexen began.

"Yes it can!" 7 argued.

"It can't any time _soon,_" Vexen corrected, sending a glare at 7. "We do have a few months before it's going to reach _deadly _levels, which should be enough time for me to translate his Code into something the computers of _this _universe will recognize. Then we can fix it."

"Can't you just… take him to the other universe and install the protocols there?" Namine asked. Once she'd said it she realized the flaw in that plan. _The other universe. _Like getting Riku over there would be easy.

"I'd rather not make him go to the other universe," Vexen replied, confirming her thoughts. "It has too many bad memories—and besides, there's a chance we may not have the option to hop over there to fix his data whenever we please in the future. I'd like to be prepared for such occasion."

"You could just install the protocols and _then _worry about translating his code," 7 said. From the sounds of it, he and Vexen had been having this argument for a while.

Vexen shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Well… yes… _technically, _I could…" He cleared his throat. "But I would _still _rather avoid having to take him to the other universe if possible—and even if I didn't want to avoid that, he won't listen to _me _on the matter until it's life or death. So unless _you'd _like to talk to him about it, Namine."

She grimaced. She could hardly talk to him about anything, lately. She doubted she'd be able to convince him to go to the other universe. Or, go to the universe for something that didn't involve revenge on Larxene. Hopefully he was over revenge, now. Had leaving him alone been a good idea…?

"You never did answer how you got hurt, Namine," 7 said, interrupting her thoughts.

Namine stared for a long moment—definitely a second or two too long.

"It was a Heartless," she lied.

Neither of the Vexens looked like they believed her, but neither pressed the matter. Vexen pushed himself to his feet.

"I'm assuming Riku's been using darkness excessively, recently, yes?" he asked. "Considering you're worried about it."

Namine nodded.

"I'll go talk to him, then," Vexen said. "I need to, at the very least, talk him into letting me scan his data again. While he isn't in any immediate danger—or he _shouldn't _be—excessive use of darkness will only hasten matters…"

He left, grumbling as he went.

7 cleared his throat. "Should we do another round of Larxene data checking?" he asked. "You're clear, by the way. No damage from the blast, outside of the expected ones. Just as it should be, with the Darkness Protection Protocols installed."

That sounded like a dig at Vexen, not that Namine knew what good it did, seeing as Vexen was no longer in the room.

"Good, and yes," Namine said. "I'd like that."

She didn't expect to get any more thinking about what she was going to tell Riku done while 7 looked at her data, but she was more than eager to put off the inevitable conversation with Riku for a little longer. Vexen was going to go talk to Riku, so the matter of him being alone wasn't a problem anymore. She could wait.

"You know the drill," 7 said, flashing a smile at her. "Go on and lie down."

**xxx**

"There you are."

Riku looked up, and then had to suppress a groan at the sight of Vexen.

"What are you still doing here?" he asked. "I thought you, of all people, would've left this stupid Castle by now."

Vexen's mouth twitched. Riku couldn't tell if he was smiling or grimacing.

"I'm working on translating your Code, remember?" Vexen said. "Speaking of, Namine said you'd been using a lot of excess darkness, lately?"

Riku grunted. Quick to get to the point, as always. He thought about lying—saying no—but darkness still sparked at his fingertips, defying him. Plus, Vexen was more likely to believe Namine than him… unfortunately…

"What of it?" he asked.

"'What of it'?" Vexen scoffed. "Riku! You know fully well that too much use of it will only put you more at risk—"

"Look, don't worry about it! I don't intend to use it much more, anyway. I've got nothing to use it on…"

"Oh?"

Riku turned away from Vexen's raised eyebrows and curious tone. He didn't want to tell Vexen about Larxene—Well, maybe if he'd actually managed to _kill _Larxene. He would've told Vexen then. When he had something to show for it. But now? He didn't want to displease Vexen like he'd displeased Namine—and honestly, he wasn't sure if Vexen would be more displeased by what he'd tried to do, or the fact that he'd _failed…_

The sound of a dark corridor opening saved him from having to answer.

Riku looked up at it, a little confused, and then every muscle in his body stopped working. That was _Larxene! _How did she get here so fast? He tried to pull a little darkness to him—at least, for _defense—_but it all seemed to flee from him.

"How many Larxene Replicas are still alive?" Vexen asked, sounding completely unworried.

It was a miracle Riku could get his mouth working. "Th-th-that's not one of them," he stammered. "I-It's _her!_"

Since the darkness had failed him—again—Riku thought about throwing himself behind Vexen, using Vexen as a shield. It was cowardly, sure, but Riku didn't care. In fact, the only reason he didn't do it was because his limbs wouldn't _respond _to him.

"That's…?" Vexen began, but he didn't finish. "Why is _she _here?" he asked, instead. He sounded quite worried, now, and threw a hasty look at Riku before returning his attention to Larxene. "What did you _do?_"

"I- I may have tried to kill her…?"

"And you didn't go _through _with it!?"

"Well—"

"NEVER MIND. There isn't time." Vexen moved to stand in front of Riku, shoving Riku behind him. "Go! Get out of here!"

As much as Riku wanted to do, all he could do was stare. His mind was reeling. Panic was choking him. Larxene, here! Vexen, _helping? _But he'd never—

"I said get out of here!" Vexen repeated, when he saw that Riku hadn't moved.

"Wh- why are? Why—"

"Do you expect me to just stand here and let her find you?" Vexen looked furious, but he still kept half an eye on Larxene. "Trust me, I've had far enough of doing that. Now _go _before I shove you through a dark corridor myself!"

Panic overruled the confusion. Riku formed a dark corridor around himself.

* * *

**AN/ **magik's corresponding chapter is in Remnants ch69, and she actually covers this from Vexen's POV, if you're interested in that.


	16. In which Aerith has an unwelcome guest

**AN/ **As a head's up, magik does not have a corresponding chapter for this one. Though, I forgot to mention with chapter 14 - Remnants ch68 isn't exactly "corresponding" but the first scene does tie into this sequence.

* * *

Riku tripped over his own feet as he stumbled out of the dark corridor, and fell onto the ground. Tears of relief welled up in his eyes at the sight of Aerith's living room—Aerith, pacing, Cid, reading, Yuffie… well, he couldn't tell what she'd _been _doing, but she was currently leaning over the back of the couch to look at him. Riku's muscles gave way, then, and he fell onto his back, but he didn't even notice. He was safe!

Then the relief turned back to panic, washing through him like ice water. He was safe—yes—but only for the moment. Larxene could find him any minute, and when she did… oh he was in for a world of pain. _If _he lived.

_If I live… ha! _A nervous giggle bubbled out of his mouth. He could die. He _would _die, if Larxene found him, unless some miracle happened. And Larxene was, _eventually, _going to find him…

Vexen could only buy so much time.

Riku's panicked laughter fell to a grimace at the thought of Vexen. Vexen, protecting him. _Vexen! _Why did Vexen even care? He'd never cared before…

_"Do you expect me to just stand by and let her find you? Trust me, I've had far enough of doing that."_

He'd never—

"Riku…?"

Aerith's voice.

He turned his head to look at her. It looked like she'd just stopped pacing, and now she was regarding him with a worried expression.

"The _hell _you been?" Cid demanded.

Right. _Right. _He'd left here early this morning to go after Larxene—it felt like an eternity ago. But he'd left before anyone'd been up… so no one should've been _this _worried…

Unless Namine'd vanished, too. Waking up and finding _both _of them gone would've probably worried everyone, though he can't have said he'd expected anyone to be worried _this _much.

"Yeah, and where's Namine?" Yuffie asked. "I mean, after she ran off this morning…"

Oh, that would explain it. Namine'd panicked upon finding him gone—that wasn't a surprise, at least—and she'd worried everyone else…

…and _oh, _he was in so much trouble when Larxene found him. He could almost feel the electricity dancing through his body. Could almost feel the pain that was coming.

"N-Namine's okay," he said, trying to distract his mind from Larxene. Namine _should _be okay. Yes, she was in Castle Oblivion, where Larxene (currently) was, but Larxene was after him. She wouldn't stay there long. Hopefully. And 7 was definitely with Namine right now, and he could (almost) count on Vexen protect her.

_Ugh, _and there was Vexen to think about, too!

Riku's mind wouldn't stop spinning. He reached up and buried his face in his hands.

"What's got you all in a panic, then?" Leon asked. He was standing somewhere by Aerith, judging by the direction his voice came from. "I think that's a little more important."

It was. Riku took a few shuddering breaths. The sounds didn't want to leave his lips.

"L- L- Larxene's after- after m-me," he managed, finally.

"…who's that?" Yuffie asked.

_Who's that? _It was such an innocent question, and it almost sent Riku into a laughing fit. _Who's that? _How was he supposed to sum up all of Larxene in an answer to that question? How was he supposed to sum up not just her cruelty, her attitude, her position in the Organization he used to—unwillingly—work for, _along _with the countless hours she called punishment? Countless hours of lightning coursing through his veins, of screaming at the top of his lungs, of her laughter ringing in his ears.

He didn't need to find the words, though—he didn't get a chance. Aerith dropped to her knees beside him, pulling him into her arms and wrapping him into a hug.

"You're okay," she whispered. "I promise. I promise she isn't going to get you here. You're safe here. You're safe."

He shivered, caught between surprise and sobbing with relief. _Safe. _He was _safe. _He didn't realize his heart had been pounding until it was slowing.

"Who's this Larxene character, huh?" Cid asked. "An' wha'sit about her tha's got you so worked up?"

"Yeah, I thought you weren't afraid of anything," Yuffie added.

He laughed a little, with relief. Everything felt so normal. So wonderful. Safe.

"L-L-Larxene is a whole- d-different k-kind of… k-k-kind of—"

The words caught on his tongue. He wanted to say _monster, _but Namine's words rang in his ears.

_"It's not that I think you're a monster—I don't want to! But sometimes the line between you and _her _is blurred and…"_

And saying Larxene was a monster was like admitting he, himself, was one.

"What's more important is why she's _here,_" Leon said.

Riku coughed. "I- I may have- I- I uh. M-might have tr-tried to k-kill her," he stammered. Telling Vexen had been easy. Telling everyone _here,_ however? That was a thousand times more nerve-wracking. If Namine'd acted so negatively towards it, how would they…?

Aerith grunted in discomfort. "Mm… revenge isn't…"

"…isn't the answer," he finished. "I- I know."

That's what everyone else had told him. He was still a little bitter about it—answer or not, it was a damn good idea—but he couldn't complain to Aerith about it.

"How long before she gets 'ere?" Cid asked.

Riku shifted in Aerith's arms, shifted so he was sitting up. She shifted with him—one arm still wrapped around him, the other falling into his lap.

Riku met Cid's eyes. "I- I dunno. I- I mean…" He licked his lips. "She- she f-found me in- in Castle Oblivion r-really quickly, bu-but she doesn't even know about… about here…"

_Plus Vexen's distracting her. Standing up for me. Protecting me…_

The thought made his stomach churn. It was too much to think about. He pushed it aside.

"It'll be safer to count on her showing up," Leon said.

Yuffie nodded. "Yeah, and maybe you should wait upstairs, huh, Riku? So that she won't know you're here when she shows up. If she shows up." She shrugged. It was a little bit of a surprise—to Riku, at least—to hear that from her, but no one argued against her.

"Y-you guys are…? You'll…?"

_Protect me?, _Riku _wanted _to finish, but saying the words out loud was too much.

First Vexen, and now them.

Actually… First Namine—the other Namine, _and _his Namine. And Kairi. And _then _Vexen and then…

It really was too much to take in. He swallowed. Tried not to shiver.

He'd never hoped to expect anyone to divert Larxene's wrath from him. But here he was...

"O'course!" Cid broke into a grin, chuckling a little. "Shouldn' be tha' hard, right? All we gotteh do is… keep her out?" He looked at Leon, expectantly, who nodded.

"We can take her!" Yuffie declared. "It'll be four against one!"

Aerith smiled at him "You hear that, Riku? We'll protect you. She's not gonna hurt you."

"Th-thank you…" Riku muttered.

"Don't worry about it," Leon said. "It's the least we can do."

Aerith nodded, and pushed him to his feet. "Go wait upstairs. We'll let you know when it's safe."

**xxx**

"Nnngh…" Namine brought her hand up to shield her eyes from the surprisingly bright light that bounced off the walls of Castle Oblivion. She turned to look at 7. "You finished already…?"

"Not- not exactly, but Vexen wouldn't let—"

7 didn't even get the chance to finish.

"Larxene showed up," Vexen said. "She went after Riku. I mean, she doesn't have him right now—at least not as far as I am aware—but she's hot on his tail."

Namine sat up straight. That was all she needed to know.

"Be careful," 7 warned. "You shouldn't have any problems, since I hadn't started _initiating _any changes to your data, but you might be a little unstable. Once you have a chance, you should come back."

Namine nodded, only half listening.

"Do you know where Riku is?" she asked Vexen.

"If I did, I wouldn't have come to get you," he replied. "I told him to get somewhere safe. That's all I know."

"He's in Hollow Bastion."

"Really?" Vexen squinted at her. "How do you know?"

Namine pushed herself off the cot, forming a dark corridor.

"Because it's home."

**xxx**

They were all settled on the couches, exchanging nervous glances. Cid tapped his feet impatiently. Yuffie kept shifting around in her seat. Leon didn't move, but just the air about him made Aerith sure that he was nervous. She had to keep from chewing any of her nails off, herself

The plan was to wait and _hope _Larxene never showed up. If she did, then the plan from there was to convince her Riku wasn't here. Hopefully they could succeed. Like Riku said, she had no _clue _about them, or their relation to him.

Thankfully—or not so thankfully—they didn't have to wait long. It'd hardly been minutes when the front door was kicked in. Everyone jumped—Cid even swore with surprise. Aerith quickly got to her feet to greet their, uh, "guest".

"Where _is _he!?" Larxene screamed, turning on her. Even in anger, her nose was turned up, and she looked down on all of them like they weren't worth her time.

Aerith tried not to tremble as she moved a few steps closer to Larxene. It wasn't hard to see why Riku feared Larxene so much, now that they were standing in the same room. Larxene carried herself confidently, unafraid, knowing the force she possessed and what she could do with it. She was also radiating a surprising amount of arkness…

Aerith's eyes narrowed in concern. Horrible person or no, it was hard to see even Larxene be so consumed by darkness.

"_Well?_" Larxene demanded. Aerith remembered with a start that she'd been asked a question.

"You're… going to have to be a _little _more specific," she said, straining to keep her vice calm and polite. Her heart pounded in her chest.

"That _stupid _Replica!" Larxene screeched. Electricity—and darkness—sparked at her fingertips, and she took a step forward, hand raised, as if prepared to strike. Aerith stood her ground.

Larxene's lips curled, just slightly, with disgust. She lowered her hand, only barely, and continued ranting. "He just _thinks _he can get away with that little show he put on? Hmph! Like I wouldn't—oh, he is _so _in for it when I find him."

Aerith's heart thudded. It was all she could do to keep herself calm, though not for fear this time. For anger.

"I'm afraid I still don't know who you're talking about," Aerith lied.

Larxene's eyes narrowed. "He'd go by 'Riku' around here," she said, slowly. There was a chuckle behind her voice, but Aerith didn't question it. No need to further anger the beast.

"Riku?" Aerith asked.

"We haven' seen him 'ere for weeks!" Cid called.

"Yeah, and even if we had, do you think we'd tell you?" Yuffie added.

Aerith refrained from shooting a warning glance at Yuffie. That'd give them away more than her outburst would.

"Don't lie to me!" Larxene spat.

Aerith tried not to flinch, but before she knew it, Larxene had her by the collar of her dress. She gasped, reaching for Larxene's wrist, only to pull her hand back in pain. There was lightning.

"Hey!" Yuffie shouted.

"Put her _down,_" Leon said. Aerith could see him jump to his feet out of the corner of her eye. She didn't dare look away from Larxene.

Larxene didn't listen, pulling Aerith closer. Aerith turned away, seeing as she couldn't exactly break free. Her mind wasn't clear enough to cast any spells, and, of course, the only one she could even think of right now was Thunder. That wouldn't do her _any _good.

"I _know _he's here," Larxene hissed. Aerith bit her lip, squeezing her eyes shut. Her heart wouldn't stop pounding. She could feel Larxene's breath on her face. "I wouldn't _be _here if _he _wasn't!"

"I- I don't know who—" Aerith gasped.

"We said put 'er down!" Cid shouted.

Larxene laughed, but distanced herself from Aerith. She didn't let go. "And what are you going to do if I _don't?_" she asked, turning her attention to everyone else. Aerith shuddered. Larxene's voice was too sweet. Too confident in her own abilities. Almost thrilled at the promise of battle.

"It's four agains' one!" Cid replied, grinning. His spear was already in his hands, and Leon was ready with his gunblade. Yuffie had even fetched her shuriken.

"I wouldn't test your odds," Leon said, slowly.

Larxene was silent for a long moment, considering it. Finally, she let Aerith go. Aerith would've been relieved, had it not been for the grin on Larxene's face.

"I won't have to," she said.

"An' why is tha'?"

Larxene only grinned wider. "Because I've got Namine!" she called, raising her voice.

Aerith looked at Leon, panicked. Leon quickly nudged Yuffie before she could protest. Thankfully, Cid had the sense not to shout out, either. They couldn't tell Riku she was lying. They could only hope that he didn't believe her.

There was silence for what felt like eternity, but was only a few agonizing seconds in reality.

It was broken by the sound of feet pounding down the stairs.

Aerith sighed.

"Works every time," Larxene muttered, with a pleased smile.

"Let her go!" Riku roared, launching himself over the railing of the stairs and hitting the ground with surprising grace. Then he paused, eyes going wide as he realized Namine was nowhere in the room. He growled, surprise falling to a glare in Larxene's direction. "You _bi—_ack!"

Larxene hadn't hesitated. The moment she'd seen him, she'd thrown a lightning bolt at him. Riku went sprawling.

"See? That wasn't too hard, now, was it?"

The pleasure in Larxene's voice sent shivers down Aerith's spine.

"Nngh…"

Riku slowly pushed himself up.

"Come on! Fight back!" Larxene summoned a set of knives to her, and lightning danced around her body in waves. She was grinning, but there was a hardness in her eyes. A sense of disgust that was stronger than any she'd radiated before.

"I…" Riku pressed himself up against the side of the staircase.

"It's not like it's going to change how this goes," Larxene continued, stepping towards him. "Not now. There's no need to—" Her face fell. There was no amusement in her tone when she spoke, now. "Do you _have _to?"

Aerith had moved so she was between Larxene and Riku. She reached behind her back, casting a Wall on Riku. There. That'd keep Larxene from doing any damage to him, at least for the moment.

"I'm going to have to ask you to leave," Aerith forced herself to say, _politely, _even though she felt like being everything _but _polite right now.

Larxene jutted her chin in Riku's direction. "Hand him over, and I'll be out of your hair."

Aerith wanted to laugh. Like she'd just _hand _Riku over to _Larxene!_ This was the woman who'd tortured him, abused him, ground into his head that he _deserved _pain, along with all sorts of other filthy lies. Why in the Worlds would she just _hand him _over?

"I believe she told you to _leave._" Leon stepped forward, brandishing his gunblade.

Cid's grip tightened on his spear.

"Yeah!" Yuffie called, raising her shuriken to throw. "Go on, before you make us have to fight you!"

Larxene sighed, dramatically. Then she grinned. "Well… then I'll have to make this—"

The grin fell from her face and the words stopped on her tongue. Aerith had chosen that moment to aim a blast of Holy right at her stomach.


	17. In which Aerith feels proud of herself

Larxene went flying backwards, and a second blast of Holy sent her through the window. Aerith winced at the sound of shattering glass, but was very grateful the force of two Holys had _only _broken the window, and not done any more damage. It'd been reckless to even cast one in the house, let alone… oh well…

"Little overkill there, huh, Aerith?" Leon asked, laughing a little. Cid and Yuffie were gaping at her. Riku moaned from behind.

Aerith licked her lips. "I guess…" she said. "It felt good."

"Well, we gonna fight her or what?" Yuffie regained her composure quickly, launching herself over the back of the couch.

"Obviously!" Cid was quick to follow her outside.

Aerith started after them, but stopped after a few steps. The effects of having thrown not one, but _two _Holys was settling in on her. "Leon?" she asked. "Can you grab me an ether? Or three…"

He nodded, going to do so.

Riku grunted behind her, and Aerith turned to him. He was pushing himself to his feet. "I should… fight too…" he said, grimacing. He trembled, though, as he stood.

Aerith shook her head. "You stay here. We've got this."

She feared, for a moment, that he'd argue, but he didn't. He smiled uneasily at her, and then sat back down on the ground.

Aerith paused only to grab her staff on her way outside to join the battle.

The battle didn't last long, though. In fact, it lasted only long enough for Leon to hand Aerith some ethers. A dark corridor opened not ten feet from Larxene, and out stepped Namine and… Vexen. That was his name. Larxene took one look at them, and then vanished through a dark corridor of her own.

Riku screamed from inside the house.

Aerith froze, heart squeezing in her chest. She couldn't even move to save him—she knew it was too late. The air left her lungs in a sob, and she fell to her knees. Stupid. Leaving him inside—alone—had been so _stupid._

"Why wasn't one of you _with _him!?" Vexen demanded.

"I- I wasn't thinking," Aerith stammered. "I wasn't thinking- I- I wasn't—"

"None o'us were thinkin'!" Cid said. "It's not yer fault!"

"Where'd she go with him?" Leon asked, grounding everyone. If there was one thing she could rely on him to do, it was that. It was always that.

Vexen let out a long breath. "Well… she's not stupid enough to go to _our_ Castle Oblivion… she probably took him to the other universe."

"Is he gonna be okay?" Yuffie asked.

No one answered.

Aerith buried her face in her hands. Stupid. Stupid, _stupid. _She should've known better. She should've known so much better. Why hadn't at least _one _of them been smart enough to suggest staying with Riku? Why hadn't…

"Aerith?"

Namine's hand was on her shoulder.

"I promised him he'd be safe…" Aerith murmured.

And now he was the exact opposite of that.

"Hey, listen." Namine pulled her to her feet, gripping her by the arms. "We'll find him. Okay? We'll find him."

Aerith nodded, slowly.

Namine tightened her grip. "It'll be okay. Larxene isn't gonna- isn't gonna make quick work of… of…" She swallowed, obviously not wanting to say it. Aerith didn't blame her. Admitting that Riku'd be dead within the hour if they didn't find him wasn't an easy thing to admit.

"We'll find him," Namine repeated.

Aerith nodded again. "I'm coming, too."

Namine looked surprised for a moment, but it faded quickly into understanding. "Alright. Vexen?"

"Coming."

Namine formed a dark corridor around the three of them.

**xxx**

"You didn't _really _think you could get away with it, did you?"

The words were returned by a groan of agony, then finally a response.

"I didn't intend… to… to leave you… _alive…_"

"You should've known better!" A laugh, to accompany her mocking tone. "You've never been strong enough to take me."

His protests were lost to cries of pain.

**xxx**

Namine's dark corridor let them out on Destiny Islands. Much to Namine's relief, Kairi was within sight.

"Kairi!" she called. "Star shard! Now!"

"Why!?" Vexen demanded.

Namine hardly spared a glance at him—her eyes were fixed on Kairi as she ran over. "Because I can guarantee getting to Riku, but I can't guarantee getting to backup," Namine explained.

"Why do we need backup?"

"Oh, let me think…" Namine turned to Vexen, then, not a drop of amusement in her tone. "I can't fight. _You're _a coward. And no offense to Aerith, but I doubt she can pull _both _our weight."

"None taken."

"Ah… I- I am…! I… That's…" Vexen stopped fumbling for a protest and glared. "Well if we needed backup, why didn't we grab someone else from Hollow Bastion? That Squall kid seemed pretty reliable."

"Leon," Aerith corrected.

"What?"

"He goes by Leon."

"Oh. When did he change his name?"

"I didn't even know he _had _another name!" Kairi added, having reached them.

Namine's eyebrows were raised. She hadn't known about the other name, either, but now wasn't really the time to fuss about it. She sent a look at Kairi. Kairi nodded.

"I got you covered," she said, tossing a star shard—probably Sora's again, or still—to Namine. "Need me to come with?"

Namine shook her head. "I appreciate the offer, but I don't think you'll be much help. I mean, if there's anywhere near the amount of darkness there was last time…"

"Mm… good point…"

"What about Sora?" Vexen asked, looking directly at Kairi.

Kairi went very pale. "Oh… w-well… he… He hasn't been feeling very well today."

Namine frowned. Not feeling well? He'd seemed fine this morning. Kairi wouldn't meet her eyes, either. Something was definitely wrong. _But, _now wasn't the time to be worrying about it.

"Is he sick?" Vexen asked.

Namine started to yell at him to stay focused, but Aerith beat her to it.

"I don't think now's the time," she said. "If we need to go, let's go!"

"Right. Sorry."

Namine grabbed Vexen by the arm. Aerith was already holding onto her.

One star shard trip later, and they were… well… Namine didn't know or much care _where _they were, the important part was that it was the right place. It had to be the right place, considering she was greeted by the sight of the other Namine, and the other Riku and the other Kairi, along with this universe's Sora and Axel and Roxas and Xion. Plus two other people she didn't know. Or… one other _person_ she didn't know. The other… _thing _was a blue… koala? But koalas didn't have four arms. Or ears that big. Never mind. Now wasn't the time to worry about it.

"Uh," the girl she didn't know began.

The blue not-koala said something excitedly in another language, then waved enthusiastically. "Hiiiiii!"

Namine was just trying to figure out how to respond, or rather, direct the situation back to the matter at hand, when Real Thing—uh, the other Riku spoke.

"She found him, didn't she?" he asked.

Namine just nodded.

"We sort of need all the help we can get," Vexen said, uncertainly. Namine was a little surprised he was mentioning it at all, after his earlier protests. Maybe his worry for Riku had overcome his pride. Wouldn't that be something.

"But we need the right type of help," Aerith added.

"I'll go," Axel said. Namine felt Vexen shudder beside her. She sent a look up at him, but he'd masked whatever discomfort he'd been feeling well. He was eyeing Axel distrustfully, though.

"We'll go, too," Roxas said. Namine was confused who he meant by _we, _but then she noticed him exchanging glances with Xion. After a second he looked at the other Namine. "Unless…" he began.

The other Namine shook her head. "Perhaps it would be best if I sat this one out myself. It might not be my place."

Namine didn't have the energy to argue or question further. It wasn't like she desperately _wanted _the other Namine to be there, anyway. "I'm not going to say one way or another," Namine said. "But we need to go now."

"Roxas, Xion, and I can take care of it," Axel said, as if to assure everyone.

They all linked arms or hands, and once Namine was sure everyone was attached, she activated the star shard.

* * *

**AN/ **this has probably already been spoiled (the fact Larxene wasn't taken down in HB) by magik's chapter, since it went up first and I forgot that mine _should've_ gone up first. Anyway, I wasn't going to spoil the outcome of this for those who HAVEN'T read magik's side yet by putting this author's note at the beginning of the chapter, so here it is at the bottom. Magik's corresponding chapter is Remnants ch71


	18. In which, um, crap

**AN/ **magik's corresponding chapter is in Remnants ch73.

* * *

It was funny, how powerful old instincts were. Funny to think they were powerful enough that Riku acted on them without thinking, without even bothering to consider the fact that they wouldn't help him in this situation. Scream more. Fight less. Those were the old rules. Not that it would've mattered much, even under these new rules. The only thing he could save was his dignity. His life wasn't on the line, it was already down in the deep end. All it was now was a matter of time, until she got tired of toying with him and struck the final blow.

It was even funnier to consider how they fell back to the old patterns, even after all this time. Larxene didn't _have _to pin him to the wall with knives—he'd long given up on fighting back—but she did so anyway. Riku found himself in that position at least once, electricity coursing through his veins.

Dark mode? He couldn't remember donning it, but it was there. It pulsed near constantly, fighting to keep up with the damage being inflicted on it, inflicted on his body. It could only do so much, though. Riku tasted blood in his mouth, and vision through his left eye was cloudy. Had Larxene punched him there? A knife, maybe? He couldn't remember. All the moments blurred together with the pain of the lightning and the sound of her laugh.

He was exhausted, too, and there was a pain boiling in his chest. Every little movement he made was a struggle. Every blast of darkness that hit was like agony.

Scream more. Fight less.

The sooner she got what she wanted out of him, the sooner she'd quit.

_Except once she's done toying with me, that's it, I'm dead!_

Nervous laughter bubbled at his lips.

_I'm dead! I'm dead I'm dead!_

"Cut that out!" Larxene screamed.

The following bolt of lightning silenced him, but he hardly screamed, mind still spinning with manic. He had to bite his lip—hard enough it bled—to keep himself from bursting out with laughter again.

_Dead! Dead! I'm dead!_

He wasn't sure how much time passed from that point until the moment Larxene wrenched him off the ground, suddenly, holding him by the collar. Honestly, he wasn't sure how much time had passed _at all _since Hollow Bastion. Had it been hours? Minutes?

"One step closer and I'll kill him!" Larxene declared.

_What a funny thing to say… _he thought. He thought better of the laugh in his throat, and swallowed it. It felt like there was something tugging at his feet.

_Safe, you idiot! You're safe! _The thought resounded in his head, but it was drowned by the continued scream of _Dead! Dead! I'm dead!_

That's when Larxene dropped him.

Except he didn't crumple to the ground. He fell much farther than he should've, and then landed in someone's arms. Axel's arms. He didn't even blink at the sight of Axel, hardly stumbled when Axel set him on the ground. His mind was still reeling. The stream of _I'm dead_ stopped, backpedaled, became a waterfall of _I'm alive! Alive! Alive alive alive alive alive alive alive alive—_

Riku wasn't quite sure how long that lasted. Wasn't sure how long he stared at his trembling hands, unable to process anything but that one thought. _Alive. Alive. Alive. _He _thought _he heard Axel yelling behind him, and was _sure _he heard Larxene, but other than that…

According to Aerith, who explained it all to him later, what had happened was this:

She, Namine, and Vexen, along with Axel, Roxas, and Xion from this universe—the other universe—had arrived. Larxene had immediately threatened to kill him should they try to save him, but between some quick thinking on Axel's and Aerith's part, they'd still been able to save him. Axel had formed a dark corridor under him, and Aerith had made Larxene lose her grip on him with a blast of Thunder. Thunder had been the most unexpected thing Aerith could throw, which was why it had worked.

That, of course, led to him dropping into Axel's arms.

Riku finally looked up from his hands, and took the time to articulate his thoughts into words. "I'm alive…" Laughter burst from his mouth, then, continuous giddy laughter that wouldn't stop. "I'm alive! You came for me!" He looked between Namine and Aerith, not sure who to thank—the thought of thanking Axel didn't even cross his mind.

"No duh," Namine told him. She sounded a little miffed. He didn't like seeing the frown on her face.

He swallowed, then closed his eyes for a moment, letting the steady flow of _alive alive alive alive _wash that thought away. He opened his eyes to send a nervous glance over at Larxene, who was too busy attacking Roxas and Xion to pay him much attention. Yet.

"Pity I can't just make a run for it…" he mumbled. "If I bolt, she'll just follow…"

Like she had in Castle Oblivion. Like she had in Hollow Bastion. It was him she was after. Staying here was the only way to guarantee beating her.

_And hopefully, it'll keep her from grabbing me and running again._

He let out a long breath. Darkness sparked at his fingertips, in anticipation, in response to a thought he'd barely thought. _Alive alive alive _turned into _fight fight fight—_but couldn't he do it. Should he…?

"You should stay back," Aerith said, reaching out a hand to hold him where he was. She met his eyes, regarding him earnestly. "But I _promise _it won't be like last time. One of us will stay with you."

Namine shrugged. "I might as well. I'm not a great fighter yet."

"I thought… you were mad at me…" Riku squinted at Namine. He'd forgotten, briefly, in the shock and terror of it all, but she'd _definitely _been mad at him earlier. His stomach churned. The stream of _alive fight alive fight alive _became _bad bad bad bad bad _and he did his best to push the matter out of his mind.

Except Namine's lips curled inwards, forming that frown again. Her eyes narrowed at him, too. She really _was _upset!

"Well, yeah!" she said. "But that doesn't mean I'm going to let Larxene get you!"

_Well yeah well yeah well yeah._

She was mad at him, and she'd admitted it.

Riku felt like he was going to be sick.

There must've been some face he'd made or something, because Namine practically _flared _with anger. She didn't get a chance to say anything, though she desperately looked like she wanted to. Aerith shoved them both aside, catching a blast of Dark Thundaga—or something stronger—against her staff and diverting it to the ground. A hiss of pain escaped between her teeth, not a surprise with how the leftover darkness was nipping at her fingers.

_Darkness bad good alive alive Namine mad bad bad why._

Namine tossed up a hesitant Cure for Aerith. Aerith laughed, shortly, which confused Riku. He was much less confused when she banged her staff against the ground, and Healing magic flooded his body. His woozy mind instantly felt much clearer, and he didn't feel like he was going to trip over his own feet if he tried to move anymore.

"Can't believe I forgot to do that," Aerith muttered. She brandished her staff and took a step forward, as if to steady herself, but moved no further, just surveyed the battle. Riku found himself doing so, too, without thinking much about it.

Axel'd just thrown his chakrams at Larxene, both flaming. She'd warped to avoid them—a trick Castle Oblivion granted her—and was met by Roxas's Keyblade. He got in maybe one strike before she warped yet again and threw knives in retaliation.

"Mm, maybe it'd be best if I stay put," Aerith mused. "Oh, and—"

Another wave of her staff, and energy swirled around Riku. He squinted, trying to discern what it was, but could only tell it was some form of barrier. To further prevent Larxene harming him, he realized.

"What about you, Vexen?" Aerith asked, turning to him. "Are you going to fight?"

"Hmm?" Vexen looked genuinely surprised, and much like he'd been startled out of some deep thought. "Right. Yes. Fighting." He cleared his throat nervously, and summoned his shield to him. "Fighting."

He didn't move any more than that, though. Riku snorted.

"Too much of a coward to do anything?"

Vexen shot a glare at him, and threw a blast of ice at Larxene. That was avoided, and returned with a continuous stream of some darkness-lightning hybrid. It was a good thing Vexen had his shield out.

"I still don't get what you're even doing here, you dumb Replica," Larxene sneered, pouring more energy into the attack. It took Riku a moment to realize she was talking to _Vexen._

"She doesn't—"

"Shh!"

Larxene didn't know who Vexen was. She thought he was just a Replica. What about anyone else here? Surely Axel knew. Surely. But Roxas? And Xion? Riku couldn't speak for either of them.

"What do you care about him, anyways?" Larxene continued, voice rising. Her attack hadn't stopped. Vexen had skidded a few feet backwards from the force of it, but his shield kept him unharmed. "What do any of you—ack!"

While Larxene was focused on Vexen, Xion hit her with a tossed Keyblade. Larxene turned immediately, threw a large blast of darkness at Xion. Without her Keyblade to block—it was still spinning back to her—Xion was defenseless. The blow sent her into the opposite wall.

"Xion!" Roxas shouted. He started to rush to her, but was stopped by Axel.

Xion was already pushing herself to her feet. A Cure from Aerith helped.

"Are you going to fight?" Namine asked, nudging Riku to get his attention.

"Oh, you're going to let me this time, huh?"

The bitterness tumbled from his mouth without his consent. He bit his lip, but it was too late to take the words back. Namine glared at him. His chest felt sore.

"Riku, now is _not _the time for this."

"You wouldn't let me fight her last time!"

"That's because you weren't fighting her!—also, throwing darkness around isn't going to do you any good this time."

She hadn't needed to say that. He wasn't stupid. He wasn't going to make the same mistake twice. If he did fight, he would _properly _fight. But first…

"Why are you mad at me?"

Just asking her seemed to make her even more angry. Riku almost regretted asking, but he needed to _know. _If he knew what was upsetting her, he could stop it. He couldn't do anything about it if he had no clue what it was he had to do.

"Riku, now is _really _not the time!"

Why was that she'd all she'd say? _I need some time to think. Not now. I don't want to talk right now. Now's not the time._

When was the time?

"You can't give me an easy answer?" he demanded.

"Not everything is solved with an easy answer, Riku, trust me. It's- it's more complicated than just- than Larxene. It's more complicated than- than just- just one thing you've said."

Why did she always get so antsy, too? Like she was afraid of speaking. What did she have to be afraid of? _Him?_

_ "I don't want to think you're a monster, but sometimes…"_

But sometimes.

Riku swallowed. There was something foul in his mouth. Something roiling in his chest.

He set his mouth to speak, only to pause. What was he going to say? Demanding to know whether or not she thought he was a monster seemed like too much. Asking if she was _scared _of him was an impossible task, an unclimbable mountain.

"If- If it's not… not something I've said, then what? What is it?" he asked, slowly.

Namine didn't answer. She shoved him aside, placed herself in front of him, and then threw a spell up in front of her. Reflect. It stopped a bolt of lightning in its tracks.

_Now is not the time._

Riku's blood ran cold.

"That wasn't necessary," he mumbled, not sure if he felt embarrassed or just… "Aerith cast some sort of barrier spell on me, and it's still there."

He could see it shimmering in the air before him.

Namine sent a glare over her shoulder. "You could've told me!"

"I thought you'd have noticed," Aerith said, shrugging sheepishly.

If it were possible, Riku's blood ran even colder. It felt like something had squeezed his lungs. Even Namine looked mortified. _Aerith was listening. Aerith was listening. Aerith was—_

"How much did you hear?" Namine asked.

"Enough to know you've been arguing, but no more. I don't like eavesdropping." She sent them a reassuring smile. "Besides, it's hard to eavesdrop when there's a battle going on."

Riku sent a glance over at Vexen. Thankfully, he'd (sort of) joined the battle, so the chances of him hearing anything were slim.

"If you're really going to keep arguing, though, best keep it quiet," Aerith added. "I'm sure neither of you want Larxene to hear."

"Exactly why this needs to not happen right now," Namine said, giving Riku a dirty look.

Riku bit his lip, but didn't argue this time. Aerith was right. If Larxene knew he and Namine were arguing, that'd be bad. That'd be very, _very _bad. She'd use it to her advantage, somehow, and it was best not to _hand _her things to bait them with.

From the looks of things, though, Larxene was much too occupied with the battle to have noticed anything. She was too busy warping and throwing things and avoiding things that had been thrown at her. Good.

"Axel!" Vexen shouted. He didn't sound very happy.

Unfortunately, Riku hadn't been watching to see what had happened, or why he was yelling.

"Stop throwing your ice where I'm throwing my fire, and we won't have this problem!" Axel called.

Riku burst out laughing at the thought. He didn't have to see what had happened to find it funny. He could imagine. Even Namine smiled a little, which was good to see. Larxene was laughing, too, which wasn't even a surprise. She'd always enjoyed Vexen's discomfort.

Riku frowned, after a second. Why was Larxene looking directly at him…?

The air stopped shimmering around him.

Riku's heart stopped.

Larxene's laugh became a sharp grin, wide enough to split her face in two. She vanished.

Riku felt her hand on the back of his neck before she even got it there. His body went numb. Time seemed to slow. She yanked him off the ground and the world warped around him.

Warping was, of course, limited only to the battlefield, so she couldn't go far with him. Riku didn't count it as a relief, though. He was too focused on the knife that had been pressed to his neck.

"Well, now that we're back on schedule," Larxene laughed.


	19. In which ok that's fine

**AN/ **Magik's corresponding chapter is Remnants 76, which you should read because there was a lot of good stuff in there that didn't make it into my side because Vexen wasn't paying attention. Fantastic. *sarcasm*

**Update wise: **My "explanation of how BBS fits into FtPverse" thing has been updated with more accurate/coherent information, seeing as the initial explanation was quite a few years old and had become outdated. Link is on my profile, or it's on the BBS page on the FtPverse blog. ASAS has also been given navigation based on placement in the series - you can find said navigation through a link on my profile, or on the ASAS page on the FtPverse blog.

* * *

"Well, now that we're back on schedule," Larxene laughed. She pressed her knives closer to Riku's neck. They were sparking with some sort of energy, though Vexen couldn't tell whether it was lightning, or darkness. Or both.

"Let him _go!_" Vexen screamed. He was a little surprised at his own outburst, initially, but then he hardened his face. It was no good demanding anything from her if he didn't look serious while doing it.

"Is this some sort of Replica solidarity that I just never picked up on before?" Larxene demanded. Vexen noted with uneasiness that her eyes lingered on him longer than anyone else. But at least she still didn't know who he was. Not that keeping it secret was doing much good for him, or for Riku.

"I'll show _you_ Replica solidarity!" No. i—er, Xion, that was—shouted, charging at Larxene. Vexen grimaced at himself. If he'd gotten used to calling Riku, Riku, then he'd have to get used to calling Xion by her name, too.

Unfortunately for Xion, Larxene was prepared. She threw a blast of darkness (or that darkness-lightning hybrid) at Xion before Xion could even reach her. Xion took the blast in full, and it threw her to the wall behind her. That was the second time she'd been thrown like that. Shouldn't she know better? Surely he'd programmed her better than to—

No. Now was definitely not the time to be thinking like that. Besides, Xion was probably fine, based on the looks of the Cure Aerith had thrown up for her.

Larxene made a big show of faking a yawn. "Go figure. Replica solidarity _is _a thing." She hardly sounded amused, though.

Vexen's eyes darted to Riku. He was just dangling under her grasp, eyes glazed, unmoving. The thought that Larxene could make him shut down like that, shut in on himself, infuriated Vexen. It also baffled him how she managed to dangle him off the ground like that, seeing as he was _at least _her height. If the boy had any sense, he'd use his height against her—at the very least, he should be able to break from her grasp.

_And this whole time, he hasn't even bothered to summon his blade…_

Vexen gritted his teeth. He needed to get Riku away from her, but how? His mind spun with ideas, but most of the ones he came up with required more guts than he had. Why wasn't anyone else here doing something? Namine was brash enough, wasn't she? Then again, she didn't stand a chance against Larxene, so maybe it was for the best.

It was a good thing Larxene liked making a show out of things. She carried on speaking. "I really _am _curious as to why you all care about him so much!" There was a note of irritability in her tone, and Vexen could see it in the curl of her lips, too. A slight snarl, a narrowing of the eyes.

"_You_," Larxene continued, gaze locking on Namine. "Namine… Replica… _thing. _I can figure why _you're _here. You were probably _created _to love him, since the _real _Namine wouldn't bother."

A strangled grasp of protest escaped Vexen's mouth, before he caught it and reeled it back in. Too far. That was too far. He sent a look at Namine, and was surprised when she didn't do anything more than glare. Aerith looked horrified. Vexen squeezed his mouth shut. Turned back to Larxene.

Riku swung an arm at her, as if to punch, but it was sloppy and half-hearted. Fear overruling his anger, another thing to take Vexen surprise. It was usually the other way around. Larxene was quick to still him by jabbing him in the ribs with her knives.

She kept speaking, as if Riku hadn't even moved. "And, I don't know much about _you, _miss pretty-in-pink…" Her eyes found Aerith. "But I gather you just like helping people. So whatever."

"He's my friend," Aerith argued.

Yet another thing to surprise Vexen—actually, no. He wasn't surprised by this. it was hard to be surprised, considering Riku's choice to go to Hollow Bastion above anywhere else for safety. Hadn't he and Namine mentioned _moving _to Hollow Bastion, too? Why do that, instead of return to Destiny Islands? And of course, why else would've Aerith wanted to come with them to save him? Liking to help people or no, that didn't account for her panic upon realizing that Larxene had still gotten to Riku, in the end.

Friends.

A smile tugged at Vexen's lips, despite the circumstances.

Larxene, however, was less amused. "Oh, so you've gone and made _friends, _huh?" she demanded, her attention turning to Riku. He didn't answer quick enough for her, and she shook him like a rag doll. "Answer me, toy!"

Vexen's blood boiled. He took an unconscious step forward. _Put him down! _He wanted to scream it. _Put him down! _Why wouldn't his lips move to form the words? _Put him DOWN! _His blood was racing, pounding. He wasn't that far from them, and if he attacked—

_No, stop yourself there. _He planted his feet firmly in the floor, taking a deep breath. _There's no sense rushing in when you're not thinking straight. Think this through before attacking…_

"The two that I just _don't _understand, are you imbeciles!" Larxene was saying. Her voice still made Vexen's blood boil, but he held it in. Larxene was looking directly at Axel as she spoke. Who was the other imbecile?

"I mean, I know you've always been on your own side, whatever that is," Larxene said. Her eyes were burning. "It's never been convenient for me, that's all I know. Why even bother with this stupid, _failed _experiment?"

She shook Riku again for emphasis. It took all Vexen's will to keep himself from charging in.

_Think this through, first! What's the best course of action? Charging certainly isn't, you've never been suited for that kind of battle. Ice is probably the best option. But how do I keep from hurting Riku on accident?_

"…is _you _being here." Larxene rounded on him then, pulling Vexen out of his thoughts. He shivered a little. The look she was giving him… "Replica solidarity crap or no, you Vexen Replicas all follow a specific set of protocols!" She was shouting, her tone somewhere between angry and mocking. "You don't _care _about this _thing—_" And again, she shook Riku. "—all you care about is the science of it all. He's not a _person _to you."

That was too far. More than too far.

Vexen shifted his stance, the ice coming to his fingertips with hardly a thought. The rest of Larxene's words blurred to his ears. The ice took form of something like knives. Vexen waited only long enough for them to become solid, then he threw them at Larxene.

"I said earlier, let him _go!_"

Only one ice-knife hit its mark. Larxene hardly flinched at it. Her grip on Riku remained as tight as ever. Shouldn't his height or his weight have overcome her by now?

"What do you care about him?" Larxene asked. She was laughing, clearly very pleased to see him angry.

"What's it matter to you that I care?" Vexen replied. He steadied himself, so his voice couldn't tremble—either with fear, or anger. A clear head. He needed a clear head.

"What does it matter to you that I kill the toy?"

Why did her words have the unnatural and infuriating propensity to get under his skin?

"He is _not _a toy!"

'Toy' was an oversimplification and an insult. Not only was it demeaning to call Riku a toy, but the technology that built him was certainly more sophisticated than any that would make mere _toys_. Then again—the point of 'toy' was to _be _an insult. Vexen grunted. He couldn't say anything like that, either. It'd give him away, and it'd probably only make her laugh at him.

"He is a _real _person," Vexen said instead. It was a struggle to keep his voice even.

"Ha! Real person?" There was more edge than amusement in her laugh this time. "You Replicas should know better than to have such delusions of grandeur! You're _not real, _so—"

"That doesn't make him a toy, and it certainly doesn't make him _your _toy!"

_Stop yelling, already, _a voice in the back of his head hissed. _Stop yelling, stop wasting time, and snatch him from her already!_

"Why do you _care?_" Larxene repeated.

"What's it matter to you?"

_Throwing ice at her didn't work, but you can do more than that, can't you? Freeze her solid, then grab Riku._

"You shouldn't care about him!" She shook Riku again. "So why are you even here!?"

"It's none of your business why I'm here!"

"You made it my business by showing up!"

Vexen grunted again.

_Freeze her solid already, you coward. Ahh, but how long has it been since I last tried freezing someone like that? It's been ages—no! Don't think like that! You don't have time! Each second you leave him in her grasp is a second closer to his death!_

"Oh, _my, _how _could _I have not seen it before?" Larxene asked, breaking his attention. She dramatically smacked her forehead with her free hand. "You're not a stupid Replica! Silly me!"

Vexen blanched, pausing where he was. How could she have known? Then again, he hadn't been actively _trying _to keep his identity secret. He'd just sort of hoped she wouldn't figure it out…

"You're Vexen himself!"

There was no amusement in Larxene's voice, now, only malice. Enough to make Vexen hide behind his shield on reflex. Based on the look she was giving him, she was preparing to come gut him once she'd finished with Riku.

But now that she knew who he was—well, it was laughable to think that she'd be _scared, _but the least Vexen could do was own up to it.

"Yes. Now let Riku _go!_"

He took a step forward, and a burst of ice spurted up out of the ground from where his foot touched it. The ice sped towards Larxene, but she was too quick for it and moved aside. He should've just solidified the air around her—but how long had it been since he'd done anything like that?

"Now!" Roxas shouted.

Vexen looked up in surprise. Roxas was rushing for Larxene. Hadn't Xion been with him? Where was she now? But it was good, at least, that they had a plan. Very good.

Roxas's swing missed. Vexen was sure it was supposed to, given that someone—Xion—hit Larxene from behind. She crumpled to her knees, and dropped Riku. Vexen blinked a few times in surprise. Larxene on her knees was a sight he'd never dared to hope to see. She was quick to collect herself, though. The only upside was Xion had gotten Riku out of there. Good.

_Now! Before she has a chance to recover further._

Vexen was throwing ice shards before he knew what he was doing, rushing at Larxene. Some of the ice hit, some didn't. She was on her feet. Vexen blocked a darkness-lightning blast with his shield. Ducked to avoid a set of knives to the face.

_I forgot how unsuited I was to close-ranged combat… The shield's good for defending, but what about attacking? Ice, of course, but—_

"Even if you are the real Vexen, since when did you care about him?" Larxene asked. "I thought he was just an experiment to you! Everything was!"

Fury pounded through Vexen, but he hastily calmed it, and then did his best to block Larxene out. He didn't fight well when he was angry. He'd just have to ignore her, as best as possible.

_I also need to get away from her. I'm much better at attacking from a distance. Oh, but my attacks hardly did anything from a distance, and she'd have more than enough time to get out of the way! _Vexen about screamed with frustration. _What do I do?_

He kept blocking punches and blasts of darkness-lightning with his shield. He couldn't keep this up for long, but he had to end it here. End _her _here. Larxene had done more than enough damage, and she wouldn't be stopped until she was dead.

_An icicle to the heart. That's all it would take._

Vexen wasn't quite sure how he managed it, in the end. Honestly, he hadn't expected to. But then Larxene stumbled back. She looked between the icicle through her chest and at Vexen with hatred. The darkness seemed to build around her, and Vexen almost feared it hadn't worked. He hid behind his shield, anticipating the coming blow.

None came.

The darkness that was building around her consumed her, and she was gone.


	20. In which Riku is immensely relieved

**AN/ **magik's side is in Remnants ch78

* * *

_Larxene's dead._

_ Vexen killed her._

Riku wasn't sure if he was going to burst with joy or faint with shock—not that he'd _faint, _of course. He wouldn't dare _faint. _A laugh bubbled in his mouth.

_Larxene's dead._

"She's dead!" Riku exclaimed, and he laughed again. Larxene was dead.

"Is she really dead?" Xion asked. She sounded skeptical, but Riku couldn't imagine why.

"Well of course she is," Axel said, laughing. He'd banished his chakrams, and had resumed his usual laid-back posture. "Didn't you see the malice in Vexen's eyes?"

Vexen banished his shield. "Well- well I-" he stammered.

Vexen. That's right.

_Vexen killed her._

And not only had Vexen killed her, Vexen'd killed her to protect Riku. Vexen'd defended him, too.

_"That doesn't make him a toy, and it certainly doesn't make him your toy!"_

Riku'd been stunned at the time—not that he wasn't stunned now. He was just a little giddy from the shock of it all. _Larxene's dead. _And he'd laugh a little with relief of the thought. _Vexen killed her. _The laugh would freeze on his face, his brain still spinning to process that.

_"Why do you care about him?"_

_ "What's it matter to you that I care!?"_

Not only had Vexen protected him, but Vexen… Vexen _cared_ about him? Of course, he probably shouldn't be surprised, after all this time. Maybe. Were memories always this hard to process in hindsight?

_Heh, maybe Sora and Kairi were right, _he thought. _Not that I'd call Vexen my _father, _of course, but I suppose he does have a… habit of worrying about me. Was I just not paying attention, or ignoring it out of spite? _It really was hard to remember.

"Are you hurt?"

Aerith's voice brought him out of his thoughts.

Riku looked up. She'd rushed to Vexen. From the looks of things, Vexen had staggered—or he'd summoned a pillar of ice (that came up to about his waist) to lean against, anyway. He was breathing heavily, but shook his head as Aerith approached.

"No, no, just a little… I'm just…" he shrugged, hopelessly. "I'm all right."

Aerith tossed up a Cure for him anyway, though it definitely looked like a lower level of the spell. She whispered something to him—something meant for his ears only, though Riku couldn't help but hear it.

"It needed to be done."

There was a slight tremble to her shoulders, Riku could see, but she steeled herself quickly. Before he knew it, she was turning to Axel and Roxas and Xion, smiling pleasantly.

"Thank you," she said. "For helping."

Axel waved her off. "Are you kidding? Vexen did all the work."

Roxas turned to send Axel a look of disbelief. "Uhm, actually Axel, it was us who got Riku away from Larxene."

"Yeah, and you saved him that first time," Xion added, sending him a near identical look. "You aren't going to let Vexen take credit for that, are you?"

"Oh yeah, that's right." Axel straightened himself haughtily, looking straight at Vexen. "You should be thanking me!" he said.

Vexen hardly hesitated. "Thank you."

Shock flashed through Axel's features, and he even leaned back a little with surprise. Apparently he hadn't been expecting a thank you—not that Riku could blame him, there. _He _hadn't expected Vexen to thank anyone, at least not that easily.

"You mean it?" Axel asked.

"Don't make me say it again, Axel."

Axel grinned.

"There's the Vexen I remember!"

"Riku."

Riku turned to Aerith, who'd addressed him. She was giving him a look she often gave Yuffie when Yuffie needed to check her manners.

"You should thank them, too. They did save your life," Aerith said.

Riku nodded. There was no point in arguing. He turned to Axel and Roxas and Xion.

"Thanks," he said.

Roxas and Xion nodded in acknowledgement, and Axel said: "Don't mention it, kiddo."

"Anyway, we should probably be going," Roxas said, sending another pointed look at Axel. "I doubt everyone else is in too much trouble, but if Marlynort showed up again…" He trailed off.

Riku had no idea what he meant by Marlynort, but Xion and Axel both nodded like they understood. Axel pulled a star shard out of his pocket, and after a few short goodbyes, they were gone.

"I think there's one more person you should thank," Aerith said, her attention on Riku again.

Riku stared at her for a second, trying to figure out who she meant. Did she mean _her? _But it wasn't like her to indirectly ask for a thank you like that… Then Riku remembered Vexen.

_Vexen killed Larxene._

_ Vexen protected me._

"Mm… thank you… Vexen," Riku said. It felt weird to be saying it. He found he couldn't meet Vexen's eye. "For… y'know…"

"You're welcome."

"I guess we should go back, then, right?" Aerith said, looking between them.

"Yeah…" Riku began.

"Actually… since we're here…" Vexen straightened, banishing his ice pillar. He shifted a little, looking nervous.

"Hmm?" Aerith asked.

Vexen cleared his throat. His eyes found Riku's. He mumbled something that sounded like "Darkness Protection Protocols", and then sighed and shook his head, as if second-guessing himself. "Mm, but… no," he said, louder now. "I think we've faced enough bad memories for one day." His eyes darted to where Larxene had been.

Riku understood. Going near the computers here was one of the _last _things he wanted to do, and clearly it was one of the last things Vexen wanted to do, too. Too many bad memories.

_The thought of going near one of those computers does make me a little queasy, but… I suppose I'd rather not die. And since we're here…_

"No, you're right," he said. "We are here. I guess we might as well."

Vexen regarded him with a stern look of worry—there was no denying what it was now.

"Are you sure? If you don't want to—"

"Namine? Are you alright?"

Vexen paused as Aerith spoke. Riku immediately turned to Namine. She was hugging herself, staring at the ground uncertainly. She was hardly two feet away from him, but when he moved towards her, she scrambled five more steps away from him. Riku couldn't say if the look in her eyes was worry, or fear.

Something squeezed at his heart.

"Are you… still mad at me?" he asked, uncertainly.

"What?" She stared at him with confusion, for a moment, but then her face darkened. Though she still hugged herself, her shoulders seemed to hunch a little less, and her voice was much shaper when she spoke. Much sharper than it'd been all day. "Riku, I'm a little more worried about something else right now!"

"Worried about… what?" Vexen said.

Namine reached up, fingers brushing her temple. "My head…" she murmured. Her eyes darted back to the floor.

"Meltdown?" Riku demanded.

She shook her head no. "Pounding…"

"7 explained that to me," Vexen said. "Horrible concept really. Resorting to such measures to keep Replicas 'in line'. Hmph…"

7 hadn't told Riku how it worked, and Riku hadn't been able to track down Roxas to explain either. Namine didn't want to talk about it, of course. But, eventually he'd been able to worm the basics out of Kairi, after quite a few questions.

The general concept was that when a Rewritten Replica—such as Roxas or Namine—went against their orders, a pounding would start in their head. The pounding grow until it drowned out all thought and they gave in to the urges they were resisting. The idea made Riku feel a little sick to his stomach, and watching Namine as she made a fist made him feel even more so. There was a glint in her eyes that made his heart seize.

"Namine—"

Vexen was suddenly there, using that warping trick Castle Oblivion granted him. He pushed Namine back, standing firmly between her and Riku.

"Riku, you _know better,_" Vexen said. "If she is—"

"I'm sorry," Namine whispered.

Riku stared. "They fixed you…"

"I _did _interrupt 7 while he was working on _something _with her data," Vexen explained, sheepishly. "I just didn't expect it to have such serious consequences. Then again… Alpha said 37 made his fail-safes near impossible to break…"

"What is going _on?_" Aerith demanded. She'd moved so she was standing beside Riku. Her eyes shifted between the three of them, uncertainly.

Riku just shook his head.

"The Organization—" Vexen began, but Namine interrupted.

"They Rewrote me to kill Riku."

"_What!?_ I- I don't understand—"

"They _fixed _you!" Riku repeated.

"It's probably just a minor slip," Vexen assured him. He sent a nervous glance over his shoulder. "Like I said, I interrupted 7 while he was working on her. I'm sure we can get everything back in order—we just have to go back to our universe."

"The sooner the better," Namine said. Her voice was tight. She wouldn't look at Riku.

Riku didn't mention his lacking Darkness Protection Protocols. Honestly, he wasn't even thinking about them anymore.

_Namine…_

_ Why are you mad at me?_

**xxx**

They were waiting outside 7's room. Vexen was inside, talking to 7. Namine was also inside, though whether she was awake or not, Riku wasn't sure. He figured she wasn't, though. 7 must've started looking over her data already, if not already started editing it. They'd been here long enough.

Riku was leaning against the wall, arms folded across his chest, eyes fixed on the wall opposite him. Aerith stood beside him, alternating between wringing her hands together and looking around uncertainly. Riku was sure the way her bracelets clinked together when she wrung her hands would drive him nuts, but he didn't have it in him to tell her to stop. He was also sure she'd said something to him, at least, but for the life of him he couldn't remember what, and didn't care enough to ask or try to continue the conversation.

_Namine… _he thought, wearily. _They fixed you…_

_ Was everything today… you being mad… was that just because of this? Or is it wrong to assume that—to hope that…?_

_ What did I do? I know going after Larxene wasn't smart, but do you really want me to apologize for it? My only regret is that my plan didn't work…_

Of course, if she wanted him to apologize, he wouldn't hesitate to. He'd do it a hundred times—a million—if she asked. But, thinking back on it, it didn't seem like an apology was what she wanted. So what _did _she want?

_She said… she said it was more than just Larxene, more than one thing I've said. But _what? _What is it I've done?_

_ I haven't done anything wrong… have I?_

_ I can't remember doing anything wrong._

_ So why are you upset…?_

The door opened beside him, and Riku pushed away from the wall. It was Vexen who stepped out. Riku was a little disappointed, but not exactly surprised. There was no way it would've been Namine.

"7 agrees with me," Vexen said. "It looks like a slip in her data, probably caused by the fact I'd interrupted her earlier editing." He grimaced at that, but didn't pause. "He'll have her fixed up soon."

"You don't sound very sure about what it was," Riku grumbled. He couldn't tell if he actually cared, or if he was just being sharp for the sake of being sharp. Being sharp with Vexen felt natural, at least, unlike fighting with Namine. But he didn't have much reason to be sharp with Vexen, did he…?

Mm, those were thoughts for another day.

"We're as sure as we possibly can be, Riku," Vexen said. He sighed a little.

Aerith let out a long breath. She wrung her hands together again, as she looked between Vexen and Riku. "Okay. I still don't quite understand what's going on. I don't know a lot about Replicas." She addressed Vexen, as she spoke, her back all but turned to Riku. "But, I suppose I'll start back at… Rewrite? They… they _Rewrote _Namine…?"

Vexen nodded. "To put it very simply, Replicas are extremely sophisticated computers. Well. They're more than that but- but _simply, _and at their _basics, _they are much like a computer. And, like a computer, they can be Reprogrammed, or Rewritten, to do whatever a programmer wishes."

It seemed to pain him not to go into more specifics. Riku was quite proud of him, though, for managing as well has he did. Aerith nodded, very slowly, brow furrowed deeply.

"Okay. I… I thought that's what you meant." She nodded again, looking quite uncomfortable. She started wringing her hands together again. "That doesn't… doesn't make the idea any more pleasant to stomach, though."

"The Program's in safe hands now, at least," Vexen said.

Riku doubted Aerith had any idea what Vexen meant by that, but she didn't seem bothered by not knowing. She left it at that, and turned to Riku, a stern—no, _concerned _look on her face.

She swallowed once. Twice. "Did she… did she really…? Try to…" It seemed to pain her to say the words.

Riku nodded, so she didn't have to finish.

Aerith let out a long breath, clasping her hands in front of her mouth for a second. Then, abruptly, she grabbed Riku's arms and held them tightly. Tears swam in her eyes.

"Why didn't you _tell _me?"

"Didn't want to talk about it," he said.

_Didn't want to worry you, _he thought.

He cleared his throat. He didn't want to think about that anymore.

"Thank you, by the way," he muttered. "For saving me."

Aerith smiled at him, though it was an uneasy smile. "Don't worry about it, it was the least I could do," she told him. "I made you a promise, remember? And even if I hadn't… I would've come anyway. That's what family does."

Riku smiled back, though it was just as uneasy, just as broken.

Family.

**xxx**

Namine was done a little while later. 7 and Vexen both swore she was fine, and she _was_ acting normal again. Minus being frustrated with Riku, of course, but he got the feeling it was just him. It was to be expected, after all, since she was… unhappy with him.

He wanted to ask her why, again. Wanted to ask what it was he'd done to upset her. But after the initial "I'm fine now" she didn't seem to want to talk to him. Plus Aerith wanted to get home soon.

_Probably for the better, _Riku thought, with a sigh. _I don't think I wanted to have this conversation where Aerith could hear, anyway. Or Vexen. Especially not Vexen._

Just because he wasn't quite as upset with Vexen as he used to be didn't mean he wanted the man meddling too much in his life. The less the better. He was already nosy enough as it was.

"Home, now?" Aerith asked.

Namine nodded, pulling out Kairi's—or, Sora's—star shard. "Home, for now."

Riku frowned at that phrasing, and even Aerith raised her eyebrows, but neither of them questioned. Aerith put her hand on Namine's shoulder, and Riku put his on Aerith's. It didn't look like Namine wanted him touching her right now. It didn't look like she wanted him anywhere near her.

That made his stomach turn in awful knots, but what was he going to do about it? He couldn't do anything right now. He'd have to do it later. Maybe once he'd figured out how to ask her what was wrong without angering her again.

"Ready?" Namine asked.

Aerith said yes. Riku nodded. Namine activated the star shard, and they headed home.


	21. In which we wrap things up

**AN/ **As a head's up, this is the last chapter I have currently written for All that Remains, and All that Remains will be going on a month hiatus while I take that time to post the Nothing's Fair Rewrite and work up a buffer. More info will be in the next chapter. (Unless of course you are reading this in March of 2015 or later, because by then, the Nothing's Fair Rewrite will have finished posting, and the chapter further explaining the hiatus, etc. will have been taken down. Yay for you!)

* * *

Namine was a little surprised to see the front window broken when they returned, but Yuffie assured them Leon and Cid had gone to get new glass. She'd been left behind to prevent anyone from sneaking into the house and stealing, not that there were really enough people in the town to be _seriously _worried about that sort of thing. Yuffie was _quite _happy to see them all back safe and sound, too, even hugging Aerith.

Namine headed upstairs before anyone could stop her. It wasn't long before she had her bag packed with her sketchbooks and clothes. She had just finished when she realized Riku was standing in the doorway, and had been standing there for a while.

"I'm… I'm gonna go spend the night at Kairi's," she explained. "And, y'know, I- I gotta return the—"

"You have a week's worth of clothes in there, Namine, and your bag will hardly shut. That's an awful lot of clothes for one night."

She swallowed, though he was right. The bag wasn't that large, and the truth was she really had only three, maybe four days of clothes in here. Still…

"It'll just be… for a bit…" she said, very slowly. "I'm just gonna move back in with her for a bit. I need… I need some time…"

Riku didn't move. He stayed in the doorway, shoulder propped against the frame. The posture was supposed to look casual, but she knew him better. He was tense, frightened, putting up a mask of uncaring to protect himself—a mask that he would shatter himself if prompted enough.

"Are you _really _that mad at me?" he asked, voice tight.

Namine looked away from him. It was horrible to watch that mask break. "I… I just… I think it'd- it'd be better, and…" She busied herself with doing the buckles on her bag, though she knew the changes of actually getting them fastened were very slim.

"Can you at least tell me _why _you're mad?" Riku demanded. He'd moved away from the wall, now, all sharpness and bitterness. He clutched his arms over his chest, like they were a shield that could protect him.

"Riku… please…" She sighed.

"I'm sorry about Larx—"

"Stop!"

It was anger that left her mouth, anger that she wish she couldn't feel. Anger that made her feel too raw, too powerful. Anger that mad her blood pulse in ways she hated, though she knew she was safe, knew she wouldn't hurt him—not against her will. They'd fixed that. But it still made her feel sick, just like being in any sort of battle did.

Riku considered her for a long moment, looking lost, heartbroken. She swallowed, not holding his gaze for long. He really did look like a kicked puppy, and it was rather unsettling. A bit amusing, how accurate the description was, but quite a bit more unsettling.

"This… this is why I'm upset…"

The words fell out of her mouth before she registered saying them.

"…what?"

Now Riku looked scared.

Namine chewed her lip long and hard, almost not daring to continue.

_I've made it this far, though…._

"You… you doing this."

"What am I doing?" Riku pulled his arms away from his chest. "Namine, I don't understand—"

"Going… going out of your way to please me—" It was a struggle to say it, but she forced herself to. "Especially- especially when I'm upset…"

She couldn't look at him. She couldn't do this.

"Namine… I'm just… I'm just trying to fix things…"

_And they need to be fixed another way! _– But she couldn't say it. All she managed was a mumbled: "It's exhausting…" And then she was pushing past Riku, rushing down the stairs. She was very thankful he didn't move to follow.

**xxx**

Riku stood there for a long while, turning the conversation over and over in his head, trying to pick out where it went wrong. Him asking why she was mad was where it had all started downhill, but it seemed pretty _wrong _long before that.

_What did I do?_

_ Going out of my way to please her…._

It didn't make sense. It didn't make _any_ sense. And on top of everything else that had happened today… He thought his head might explode.

He waited some time before heading downstairs—hopefully long enough to give Namine time to leave. He didn't want her to go, of course, but it was too late to do anything about that now. Going after her would probably only upset her more.

"What was that about?" Aerith asked in a quiet voice, pulling him into the dining room and away from everyone else—or, Yuffie. Leon and Cid hadn't gotten back yet.

"She's just… gonna go stay with Kairi for a bit," Riku said, slowly. Part of him wanted to tell Aerith the whole thing—maybe she'd be able to make more sense of it than he had—but he decided against it. Maybe Namine wouldn't need much time, and this would be over tomorrow. Why worry Aerith further than necessary?

"She explained that to me, Riku," Aerith flashed him annoyed look. "Do you… Never mind. It's not my place to pry. If you want to talk about it, though…"

He shook his head. Not now. It'd blow over tomorrow. It had to.

**xxx**

Sora sat on the floor in his room, running his fingers through papers he'd been saving for ten years. Crude drawings of knights and dragons and other monsters. Stories he'd written that were anywhere between half a page and written in crayon to twenty-three pages written in his neatest handwriting and bound together by string.

He was trying to distract his mind. It wasn't working.

_Grounded… What did I even do to get myself grounded?_

Based on what he remembered from the earlier conversation with his mother—what _little _he remembered of it—he wasn't sure. He'd come home, quite some time after Kairi and Namine left to help Riku, and his mother had asked…

_She'd asked if I was done hanging out with Kairi already, and I…_

It was hard to pull the memories together. He closed his eyes, and focused, trying to piece the memories into something complete.

_"I thought you were hanging out with Kairi today," his mother had said, when he'd come inside. _

She'd sounded a little bitter about it, though she tried very hard to sound casual. His father had still been down at the docks—and still was now—like he was every day, hauling fish.

_ "Nah," Sora'd replied. "She had something come up."_

He'd wanted to get the conversation done and over with as soon as possible. He was avoiding talking to his mother as much as he could, at least when his father wasn't there too. Conversations with his mother alone went downhill very fast.

_"Really? What came up?" _

His mother had just been trying to make conversation, but something about it had ticked Sora off. That was where the memory started getting fuzzy.

_"Gee, I'd love to tell you, but it's not like you'd believe me, anyway."_

_"Sora! What did I say about that attitude!?"_

Sora let out a long breath. His head hurt from trying to remember so much detail. He set his stack of papers back in their box, and lay back on the floor.

_We descended back into the same argument. "You aren't telling the truth." "I am but you're not listening." _

_Or… or something like that, and…_

He remembered yelling, though he couldn't remember any of the words he'd said. He remembered that his mother had looked horrified, and furious, and _hurt _to hear them.

_And then I felt horrible, but… what did I say after that? What did I say at all?_

He rubbed at his head. He was a little worried about the spotty memory, but he was quite a bit more worried about what he'd said to his mother. She'd sent him to his room at the end of it, and now he was grounded. He knew that much. But _what _had he _said?_

_ I think I said something about Riku, which is a surprise, since I know she can hardly remember him. Ahh… I hope Riku's okay…_

He felt bad about not going with Kairi and Namine to help. He did. He just wasn't sure if he should go, not when his memory was like this, not when he couldn't seem to control himself. He had already mucked things up with his parents as it was, he didn't need to risk Riku's life by throwing his own darkness into the mix.

_It's gotta be the darkness. What else can it be?_

_ Mm, I should probably go apologize to mom. I should. I didn't mean it. I don't know how I'll explain myself, but I really do owe her an apology. At least._

Explaining that he didn't remember what he said wouldn't be fun, either, but he owed her an apology. He did. It took him more effort than he would've liked to admit to make himself get up and actually head to apologize, though. It was like something was holding him back. Like a part of him didn't want to go. Like a part of him didn't think she deserved the apology.

_She does, though! _Sora batted the other part of him down with annoyance. The other part... The darkness…

_I'll have to ask someone about that, about why it's acting up again. Apologies first, though. I have to apologize—_

He didn't get any further than the top of the stairs. A wave of memory—was it a memory?—surged through him, a flood of emotions. He clung to the wall to keep himself upright, gasped air into his lungs.

_"If I'm lying, then where did I get this, huh?" And he raked his hand across his face, across the scar left by his Shadow's rage, his Shadow's mistake. "A scar like this could only be made by darkness! A scar this foul could only be wrought by darkness's foul and disgusting hands!"_

His vision swam. His knees gave way. It was all anger. It was all pain.

"Sora? Are you alright?" his mother called, from below.

He didn't realize he was clutching his face, tearing at the scar as if he could remove it from his skin. He didn't realize he was on the ground. All he felt was fury, and the words pounding in his head.

_"IT WASN'T SOME KIND OF STUPID ACCIDENT!"_

Everything went dark.

**xxx**

Roxas went through the motion of buying sea salt ice cream, not even looking at the nice old lady who sold it when she smiled at him, said it was good to see him again, etc. He hardly heard her, honestly, just like he hardly tasted the ice cream when he put it in his mouth.

_I've been through each world at least twice now… _he thought, starting off at an idle walk. _Done as much asking around as I've dared. There's been no word of him._

Riku'd said Axel'd be back, eventually. He hadn't been very forthcoming on the _when _or _where, _though. He said he didn't know, and Roxas guessed he believed him, it was just still rather frustrating.

Of course, Roxas knew wandering worlds aimlessly in hopes of stumbling on Axel wasn't the best course of action. It wasn't _all _he was doing, though. He'd sent his Samurais—those Nobodies he could control—out scouting and… Well, honestly, fighting Heartless kept him sane.

_I suppose I could go drop by C.O., see if someone can look at my data or whatever. At least to get rid of this itch I get when I haven't killed Heartless in three hours. It's getting kind of annoying…_

_ Not having a set limit of magic casts would be nice, too, I suppose…_

He wasn't even sure how that set limit of casts was working, since he rarely stopped by the World that Never Was anymore. He wasn't questioning it, at least as long as the casts kept restocking. They definitely restocked by the end of the day.

_Maybe that'll be my next stop. Maybe someone in C.O. will know about Axel._

He took the ice cream stick away from his mouth, frowning at it. It was empty. He hadn't even realized he'd finished it until he'd bit into it and found no ice cream. With a sigh, he tossed the stick in the nearest trashcan.

_Axel… where are you?_

* * *

**End of Part 1**


	22. Pt2 - In which Riku n Kairi enjoy a chat

**AN/ **I'll try and keep this short. The April Fools chapter has been moved to ASAS ch83. Also, I spent a good month writing "Dream, Drop, Don't Leave me Behind" and I'd really appreciate it if you read it, even if it is two months old by now, and maybe most of you have read it already.

And, obviously, the Nothing's Fair Rewrite has finished posting, and while you don't have to read it, you might want to, as it clears up a lot of FtPverse stuff concerning Roxas and the Rebellion. (Minor updates have been made to the AN in ch1 of ATR, too, if you're curious about that for some reason.)

* * *

**Part 2**

_**Ramifications**_

* * *

The Heartless situation in Hollow Bastion was under control—or, it wasn't as bad as it had been, anyway. No one could say if that was because there were less Heartless, or if it was because Riku was around to kill all of them before any could cause trouble.

A round of the town a day—which Riku always took, along with someone else, except on Saturdays when Aerith insisted he rest—was enough to manage the Heartless. Riku ended up making at least another round each day, though, if not two or more. Sitting still was too much. It made him too antsy. So he walked around the town, and he fought what Heartless he stumbled on.

He and Namine had started a habit of walking around the town together—when they thought there would be less Heartless—but they hadn't had a chance to do it more than twice. Twice, and then she'd left. She'd left to stay with Kairi, for a "couple days".

It'd been two weeks.

She still wasn't back.

Kairi'd come to visit, though—the first Riku'd seen of anyone that wasn't his family in these two weeks. Besides Joseph. He and 29 had moved in a few days ago.

_"How is Joseph?"_ Kairi'd asked, when Riku'd mentioned it to her. She'd sounded pretty invested, which had caught Riku by surprise. _"I think he's okay," _he'd replied. _"He seemed okay, but we didn't talk long—he wouldn't stop asking about Namine and 29 had to drag him out of the house."_ Riku hadn't seen Joseph since. Not that he minded too much. The boy asked _way _too many questions.

Anyway, Kairi was visiting, and currently, she and Riku were doing that round of the town. Kairi'd been extremely eager to go, actually. She said she was too out of practice. She said nothing about Namine.

"Hey, Riku, keep up!" Kairi called from up ahead, drawing him out of his thoughts.

"Coming," Riku said, taking longer strides to catch up to her. He really didn't have to run, though he might have, had Kairi been running. He flexed his shoulder, grimacing a little. It throbbed, faintly, and had been ever since he'd dislocated it again.

That'd happened the day after Namine left. He was just out fighting Heartless, and it had come out of place. Aerith said it felt looser than normal, but had chalked it up to the fact this was the second time he'd dislocated it. No one mentioned the possibility of Larxene having pulled it out of place, or something, though Riku was sure they all thought it. He couldn't say he _remembered _her yanking on it, at any time, during the—well. He couldn't remember. He wouldn't say he was surprised, though, if that was the case. Especially if she had known it was injured.

"Is Namine still mad at me?" Riku asked, couldn't help but ask (again), as he fell into step next to Kairi. Just like last time he'd asked (and the time before), she ignored the question entirely.

"Look, there! I think I see some Heartless!"

Riku suppressed a groan—not because of the Heartless. Because of Kairi. Heartless were expected outside of the immediate vicinity of the town, and they were currently standing in the bowl of the Great Maw.

Kairi was already running at the Heartless, light spilling from her fingertips. How she managed without a weapon at all, Riku still didn't quite understand, but if her fists weren't enough, her light certainly was. Riku hardly had a chance to attack before Kairi'd gotten rid of all of the Heartless.

Since talking about Namine wasn't an option, Riku went back to telling Kairi about how things were in Hollow Bastion. Sometimes she asked about things, and the rest of the time he just… he wanted to talk about it. He wanted to share the victories they were achieving with someone outside his family.

People were returning to the town, more than ever before. Riku didn't entirely understand _why _that was a big deal, but Leon and Aerith seemed _ecstatic, _and even Cid seemed relieved. It was a victory, even if one he didn't understand. And they were nearly finished with the infirmary, too.

"Infirmary?" Kairi asked.

Riku nodded. Neither of them stopped walking—It was the end of their rounds, and the sooner they got back into the town, the better. Honestly, the sooner they got out of this _area, _the better. Riku didn't mind the winding paths on the side off the cliffs too much, but this was where he'd nearly fallen off and dislocated his shoulder to begin with. His shoulder ached just thinking about it, and he quickened his pace, praying not to find any Heartless here.

"Well, people are going to get hurt, and they're going to get sick, so we need an infirmary," Riku answered. He resisted the urge to pull Kairi away from the edge of the path, and continued as casually as possible: "It was Aerith's idea. She used to run a healing business with her mom—I mean, you can't really call it a _business, _since it was free, but it was—"

"Yeah, yeah, I got you!" Kairi interrupted.

Riku raised his eyebrows at her, but said nothing. He slowed his pace a bit so she would walk ahead of him. The path narrowed so that there was _just _enough room for theme to walk side by side, and he wasn't risking it.

"She wanted an infirmary, because her house isn't big enough anymore," Riku continued. "I mean, that's because more people living in it now, and so there's no room for any sick people or injured, or—"

"So you have an infirmary," Kairi interrupted, again.

Riku scowled this time. "Almost," he said, slowly. "It's not quite done yet, but once it is, Aerith's going to work there full time."

They had finally gotten out of the ravine trail, and made their way through the rubble of what Riku had been told was _once _a castle gate. Probably for the big bastion that loomed in the distance—the place where a man called Ansem the Wise once lived. If there were any Heartless in this area, they were taking their sweet time revealing themselves.

"Where is it?" Kairi asked, turning on her heel for a second, so she could look at Riku. She turned back around near immediately. "The infirmary. Where's it gonna be?"

"Oh, it's right by her house! Or, not far, anyway. She didn't want it to be too far." Riku moved to fall in step beside Kairi again. "I'll show you when we're done!" It was hard to keep the grin off his face. He was really proud to have helped, and really excited—largely for Aerith, and for everyone else—that it was nearly done. He only wished Namine could've been here to see it, too.

Kairi nudged him in the ribs. "Why didn't you show me before?"

"Because you caught me right as I was leaving for rounds and I was more focused on that," Riku grumbled, rubbing where Kairi's elbow had hit. Kairi sent a look at him, one he couldn't quite make out, but it _definitely _wasn't anything that would've indicated she was about to apologize for elbowing him so hard. There was _something _burning in her eyes, though.

"What are the plans after the infirmary?" she asked. She suddenly seemed interested about it.

"Then it's back to fixing up the housing district," Riku replied. "We've got a lot of houses done, but the more people that move in, the more we need. Aerith says she wants to plant flowers all over town, too—she says it'll brighten the place up."

Kairi smiled. "I saw the garden outside her house."

Riku beamed. "I helped plant that!"

"Well, it looks _wonderful_."

Riku studied her a second, eyes narrowing a little as he did so. "Is that smile because of the garden, or because something else?" he asked. Honestly, he wasn't sure if he could ever remember her acting like this before.

Kairi let out a short laugh, then rolled her eyes. If anything, her smile grew wider. "This is just… The most I've heard you talk, in, like, _ever. _It's kinda nice."

That had certainly not been the answer Riku'd been expecting. He fumbled to open his mouth, embarrassed to feel a blush rising to his cheeks. Before he could say anything—not that he knew what to say—Kairi was talking again.

"It's also nice to see you so excited about this," she said, her voice quieter than before. "I certainly haven't seen you this excited about _anything _before."

Riku felt his cheeks get hotter, and he swallowed hard. A _thank you _was probably in order, seeing as that had been something of a compliment, but instead he said: "I've been excited about other things!"

Kairi just shook her head. "Mm, no, I don't think so."

"What about- What- what _about…_" Except Riku couldn't come up with anything. Kairi sent him a knowing look, and he elbowed her, scowling. Even so, the scowl was ruined by a small smile that didn't want to go away.

"I was wrong. You moving here _was _a good thing."

The words _what about Namine? _danced on his tongue. "Kairi, y'know, there _are_ stairs," was he found himself saying, instead.

Kairi'd started climbing up the rubble that led to the Bailey. Despite there being a set of functioning stairs—well, admittedly, those were a little out of the way, but, _still…_

"What? Don't like climbing?" Kairi called down at him.

"I just don't…" Riku began, but didn't see the point in it.

Kairi hesitated, hands on the ledge above her, about to pull herself up. "Namine's good, by the way…" She said, sending a glance down at Riku. "She also wanted me to tell you that she hasn't had one of those memory meltdown things, and for the most part, we think they've stopped."

Riku'd been about to ask _oh, so we're talking about her now, _but then the news hit him. Her meltdowns had stopped. Or, that would make three or more weeks since the last. "You _serious?_" he asked.

"Yup." Kairi pulled herself onto the next ledge. "She even saw 7 about it—and Vexen, since he was there. That Alpha guy says we'll have to wait to be _sure_ they've stopped, though, seeing as it could entirely be the fact she hasn't been, y'know, around you for the past two weeks."

"He's _still _on that?" Riku groaned. He stepped onto the bottom ledge and started climbing up after Kairi.

Kairi shrugged. "I guess. Wouldn't know. But, anyway, regardless of what he says—Vexen seems pretty convinced that'll be the last of them. That they were initially an error in her data that Rewriting her inadvertently cured. 7 jokingly suggested that 37—I think—figured out _how _to cure them and did so along with Rewriting her, but none of them really sounded like they believed that, and 7 went on some tangent about how if he couldn't, no one could, or something." She shook her head. "Vexens have a thing with pride, I swear."

"Tell me about it," Riku agreed, with a long sigh.

He waited a moment, until Kairi'd finished pulling herself up onto the final ledge, until he'd climbed another one.

"Is… is she really that mad at me?" he asked. That was probably the fifth time.

Kairi groaned and glared down at him, but to his surprise, she said: "Riku, _look, _I promised Namine I wouldn't talk about that." She actually acknowledged his question, instead of avoiding it!

"She is mad, then, huh?" he asked. His fingers curled around a loose rock on the ledge above him.

"Well, _duh._"

"About what?"

"I _definitely _cannot tell you that."

Riku sighed. That was probably as much as he'd get out of her. Her persistence in _ignoring _his questions up to this point had been astounding. He was just about to pull himself up onto the next ledge when Kairi spoke again.

"If you want my opinion, though—and don't tell her I told you this—I think she's scared of confrontation and wants to put it off for as long as possible."

Riku looked up at her, a little surprised. Still… He shook his head. "No, she's scared of _me,_" he corrected.

"Uh, no, more like _any _confrontation," Kairi argued. She laughed, but it wasn't a good one, it was more of an exhausted one. "Sora jokingly refused to give her back her sketchbook a few days ago and rather than argue with him about it, she backed down immediately." Kairi waited a second, then continued rapidly, as if a new thought had occurred to her. "And, I mean, I'm not saying she should've fought Sora over it, but she didn't… I dunno. She didn't treat it like one of those if-I-don't-care-you'll-drop-it things, she legitimately seemed _scared _to argue with him about it. And that's…"

She stopped there. Riku rolled his eyes. One time with Sora didn't prove anything. Namine was most likely scared of him. Everyone seemed to be, when he got in a foul enough mood. The way she couldn't look him in the eyes when she left burned in his mind. And she'd all but called him a monster…

"Hope she doesn't put it off any longer," he grumbled, hand curling into a fist. "Don't know if I could survive another two weeks."

Kairi growled, very loudly, and then she'd jumped down to join him on the ledge he was on. He took a hasty step back, but the ledge was only so big, and any further back he'd topple right off. This meant Kairi had plenty of room to get up in his face.

"Riku, tell me you don't _seriously _mean that," she demanded.

Riku laughed nervously, trying not to eye the drop behind him.

"What? Kairi, can you please—"

She jabbed him in the chest, and he flinched. For being five inches shorter than him, she was taking up way too much of his space.

"Look, Riku, maybe I'm overreacting, but knowing you, even casual words like that get me worried." Her eyes burned. "You've always been reckless, you've always seemed to have little regard for your own life—I mean, the whole reason you're _in _this universe is thanks to a _suicide attempt!_"

Riku rolled his eyes. Scoffed. "That _wasn't _a sui—"

"You didn't expect to win, did you?" Kairi interrupted. "You went into that battle knowing one of you wasn't going to live. That _you _weren't gonna—"

"In hindsight, yes!" Riku shouted. But she was shouting. And about to shove him off this ledge. "But- but at the time I was too angry to—what does this have to do with _anything!?_"

Except she wasn't listening, she was shouting over him. "And, I mean, if what Namine's told me wasn't worrying enough, most of those Vexens or whoevers in Castle Oblivion have a lot of surprising stories about how _reckless _you are, if your latest stint with Larxene wasn't enough!"

"That wasn't exactly my—" Riku began, but stopped. Grimaced. _Technically, _it was his fault. "I had that first time under control—or I thought I did," he argued. "And it's not my fault she hunted me down." Except it was. "Well, I mean, it wasn't because I was reck— This has _nothing _to do with what we're talking about!"

"Listen, alright, if Namine _does _leave you, you're not gonna like… kill yourself or something? Tell me you won't."

Kairi's voice shook, but Riku hardly noticed. Despair broke across his face.

"Oh, she's leaving me, isn't she?"

"_Riku!_"

"Is she?"

"Answer my question, first."

"I thought you weren't allowed to talk about this."

"Riku, for the _love of—_mm." Kairi looked about ready to punch him. It also sounded like her words were an effort to grind out. "It is _one thing, _when your relationship is in jeopardy. It is another _entirely _when it's your _life._"

Riku grimaced and looked away. She had a point. Now if only she'd move so they weren't both sharing this tiny ledge…

"You won't?" Kairi pressed. "Because it's dumb. It's absolutely _idiotic. _I know you love her, but that doesn't mean life is worth nothing if it's not with her—_really. _You would have so much else to live for, and- and I _know _it's a lot to ask—asking you to move on twice, from the same girl, I get it, and I get it's hard, but Riku—"

"I wouldn't," he interrupted. "You're right. It'd be kinda dumb." Relief instantly washed over Kairi, which Riku guessed he was grateful for, but seeing as she wasn't moving, he went ahead and finished climbing the rest of the way up to the Bailey. He wasn't going to stand there any longer if he didn't have to, and that seemed like the end of the argument.

Kairi grumbled something he couldn't make out, but followed after him.

"Uh… how… _did _you know about the other Namine, though?" Riku asked, as he bent down and offered an arm to Kairi to help pull her up. He was glad, not for the first time, that it'd been his left shoulder that had been dislocated, and not his right. "Did Namine—did our Namine tell you?"

Kairi sent an _are you kidding_ look up at him. "What? _No! _C'mon, Riku. If you're first month here wasn't enough…" She trailed off. Whether that was to make her point, or because of the exertion to get her on the final ledge, Riku wasn't sure. Maybe it was the latter, seeing as she continued talking once she was up there and dusting herself off. "I _saw_ how you looked at her. And that… that counting thing? That doesn't just _happen _between two people who don't care about each other. I don't claim to know her feelings for you, but you can't tell me you didn't love her at some point."

Riku opened his mouth to protest, out of habit more than anything else. But there was no point. Slowly, a little reluctantly, he nodded.

"I did," he admitted.

Kairi's eyes crinkled with sadness, a look which tore at his heart and his stomach at the same time. He knew why it was there. He just didn't like being pitied. She sighed.

"And, I know it wouldn't be easy moving on from her again, but…"

He shook his head, hard, cutting her off. "Actually, it… maybe…. Maybe it wouldn't be…" Tears burned behind his eyes, which was funny, because he wasn't sad about this. "I mean, the first time wasn't… _so _bad. Moving on."

Kairi stared at him.

"What… do you mean?"

Riku shrugged, smiled nervously. "I just, I've been thinking a lot about what happened, about what she said… and she's right. The other Namine." He forgot he had to clarify, for a moment. "She's right. I've changed. She's changed. We're not… we're not who we used to be… I dunno…"

He shook his head, at a loss for how to put how he felt, exactly. His smile widened, though. Tears still burned behind his eyes, they just didn't fall.

"I dunno how to explain it," he said. "But something about those words just _clicked _with me. Maybe I still love her, maybe I always will, but… We're different now. And I don't need her. I don't need anything from the other universe. Everything I need is right here, in this one."

Kairi punched him in the shoulder. "What are you grinning like an idiot for?" she teased.

"Maybe it's dumb. It's just. Thinking about it makes me happy." That was for certain, at least. Happiness bubbled and burst within him, though he'd come to this conclusion a while ago. "It's… I guess… I just never thought I'd be able to let her go. And here I am."

It was more than that, too. _It's nice to know that we got a happy ending, even if it wasn't with each other, _he'd thought, and thought again._ It's nice to think about the fact she's happy, and loved, and found someplace to call home. And it's nice to think about the fact that I've found the same. _But he wouldn't tell Kairi that. He doubted he'd tell anyone. Except, maybe, _her_, if he ever had the chance to speak with her again.

Kairi grinned at him. Why, he wasn't sure, because she hardly knew what he was feeling. "It's not dumb," she assured him, regardless.

"Thanks," Riku said. He couldn't stop smiling. "And, I mean, I don't want that to happen with Namine, with _our _Namine, but… to answer your question, I- I wouldn't… y'know. I wouldn't."

"Good! Because just like I told Sora—_dying, isn't, an option._"

Riku nodded in agreement. Then her words registered.

"Wait. _What? _Sora was considering—"

"IIIII WASN'T SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT!"

"He _seriously _was!"

"No, not _seriously!_" Kairi corrected. Her cheeks were a brilliant red. "But we were talking about Things and he was upset and he said something along the lines and I didn't believe him, exactly, but, _you know, _I had to… Yeah. I had to tell him it wasn't an option."

"What things?" Riku asked.

"Can't say! I promised I wouldn't say!"

"You make a lot of promises not to tell people things…"

"_I know._"

Riku considered Kairi a moment. She looked pretty distraught. Figuring it was something she'd do to him, he nudged her in the arm, and joked:

"Aren't we all friends? Isn't keeping secrets from each other, like, the last thing we're supposed to do?"

It was only after he said it that he realized how little it actually sounded like a joke.

"It is," Kairi agreed, with a shrug. "But I can't fix your relationship with Namine for you, and Sora's is something that isn't my information to share. You'd have to ask him, and there's no guarantee he'll tell you."

Riku licked his lips, lowering his hand back to his side. "That bad…?"

Kairi only nodded.

Riku swallowed, then tried again to cheer her up. "Hey, you know, you're right. About Sora. He wouldn't—"

"I know." Kairi nodded, but she didn't look at him. Her eyes were fixed on the ground, and she slowly rubbed her arms. "I know," she repeated. "But that doesn't mean I'm not still worried about him. He hasn't exactly… been himself, lately."

Riku's eyes narrowed. The last time Sora 'hadn't been himself' it had led to the destruction of Destiny Islands, followed by a fall into darkness. "How so?" Riku asked.

"It's…" Kairi began, but stopped. She looked up at Riku, chewing her lip hard. "It's just, sometimes, out of nowhere, we're talking, and suddenly it's like I'm talking to someone else. And, I'm not _too_ worried, because it feels almost exactly like what happened when we were staying with Maleficent—but I'm still worried."

"The darkness?" Riku offered. That's what it'd been last time.

"Probably. Like I said, it feels the same, and it hasn't been that long… maybe it's just not gone completely…" She shrugged.

"I, uh, don't mean to be a hypocrite here, but have you tried talking to him?"

"That's not hypocritical. Namine's the one avoiding you—and yeah, I've tried." Kairi sighed. "He doesn't remember it happening, though. So…" After a second, she added: "I mean, I've told him what I know is happening, and he agrees it's probably the darkness, but that doesn't change the fact it's still happening."

"I can't help," Riku said.

"I know. But you should still know. Like you said, we're all friends." Kairi smiled at him. It looked a little forced. "Anyway, let's finish these rounds! I'm getting hungry."


	23. In which, wait, that wasn't supposed to

**AN/ **Hey psst everyone should play _Earthbound _it's a really great game and is only ten bucks on the Wii U eshop cough

* * *

Riku and Kairi ended up being done with rounds sooner than expected—Riku'd dislocated his shoulder again. Not that he could say he was surprised. His fighting style didn't put _much _strain on his left shoulder, but it still put _enough _strain on it.

They were on their way to get Aerith when Riku heard a voice he'd actually been dreading to hear. It was Joseph. Not that he didn't like the boy, it was just, until he figured out what was going on with Namine, Joseph was one of the last people he wanted to see. Like he'd told Kairi, the boy asked too many questions.

"Hey Riku! Hey Kairi! Nice to see you!" Joseph sounded even more excited to see Kairi, if possible. Riku wasn't sure how Joseph could be _more _excited than he usually was.

"Hey, nice to see you too," Kairi said, as he ran to meet them. "But we're kind of in a hurry and—"

"Why are you here?" Riku asked. Kairi shot him a dirty look and mumbled something about getting tired of being interrupted all the time.

Joseph beamed. "My _excitement senses _were tingling," he answered, wiggling his fingers. "I thought I'd come check it out."

Riku glared. He swore Joseph was getting taller. The boy was about at his shoulder now. "Well, nothing exciting happened. We just finished rounds." Kairi glared at him, likely for not mentioning his shoulder, but that was fine. They were heading towards Aerith. Joseph could find out when they got there.

"Oh _drat!_" Joseph snapped his fingers, frowning a moment. "I wanted to help."

"Joseph, you can't fight," Riku said.

"Well, no, I don't have a weapon yet, I got that," Joseph replied. He looked pretty offended, but maybe that was just because of his age. _And what do you know about that? _Riku asked himself, but pushed the thought out of his mind. "But Cid told me that there might be a weapon specialist in Disney Town we can ask to build my design, we just haven't gotten around to—"

"I was there, Joseph," Riku interrupted. Maybe the pain was making him snippier than usual. His shoulder didn't hurt _that _bad though. He'd certainly put up with worse.

Joseph rolled his eyes. "I _know! _I was telling Kairi. _Geeze._"

Kairi eyed Riku a moment, then her attention was on Joseph. "What design?" she asked.

"Oh!" Joseph lit up. "It's for a boomerang-shield hybrid thing and it looks _really cool. _Cid said it will probably work too but I need a real weapons specialist to build it for me, because he only knows how to build canons. _And then _he went on about—well, he mentioned a girl, I think."

"He did not," Riku said.

"He did too! He didn't go on about her or anything—I didn't mean to say that—but when he told me about a weapon specialist in Disney Town he was also like 'I wonder if she's still around…'" Joseph's imitation of Cid brought a short laugh to Kairi's lips, but Riku only scowled harder. "He also may have mentioned a name but I _forgot it _which really stinks I'm usually better at—"

Riku shook his head. "Joseph, I did not hear him say _anything _about anyone but that weapon specialist."

"He said it really quietly," Joseph argued. "Maybe you missed it."

"I doubt it."

"Look, Riku, this chitchat is nice, but aren't you in pain?" Kairi interrupted.

Joseph shot a worried look at him immediately. Riku groaned. "I'm fine," he said. They weren't far from Aerith's house. It didn't hurt that bad.

"Hey, wait, what's wrong!?" Joseph demanded, coming to a full-stop to look Riku up and down. Riku didn't stop moving, and neither did Kairi.

"I dislocated my shoulder, no big deal," Riku grumbled. It was an effort not to reach over and push at it, to make it hurt worse—pain was a good way to ground frustration, and boy was he getting frustrated—but he managed. He kept his fists tightly clenched at his sides. Aerith would be proud.

"Oh! Do you need me to go get Aerith? I can run ahead!" Joseph was already running before either of them could answer, and Riku groaned again. Kairi shrugged at him, but she didn't seem bothered. In fact, she seemed a little smug. (He'd told her earlier that he could walk to Aerith just fine, it wasn't his legs that were broken, and he got the feeling she was mad at him for not letting her go get help while he stayed put.)

They really weren't far from Aerith's house, though. They were there in only moments, though they'd somehow still taken long enough for Joseph to already be running out of the house. "She's at the infirmary!" he called, running off again.

Riku sighed, not that he was surprised. Aerith had been at the infirmary when they left for rounds, and that was less than an hour ago.

"Well, this way, I get to show you the infirmary," Riku said, eyeing Kairi.

"You were going to anyway." Kairi didn't sound amused. "And I think I'd much rather have come _without _you being injured."

"I'll be fine."

Joseph was dragging Aerith out of the infirmary—a large blocky building that was made of two smaller houses connected together. The roof was still two different colors, and the portion in the middle of the roof had yet to be finished. From the sounds of it, Joseph was explaining very rapidly (and likely with more detail than necessary) what the problem was.

Aerith spotted Riku and Kairi approach, then, and her face lit up a moment before it darkened with concern and her eyes fixed on Riku.

"Riku! _Again?_" Aerith sighed as much as she groaned, coming over to him.

"He was being reckless," Kairi said.

"Was not," Riku argued.

"I wouldn't know, I wasn't there!" Joseph added.

Aerith rolled her eyes and pointed at the ground. "Here, sit, you're too tall for me to reach otherwise. You know that."

Riku did as told, and it was just seconds before his shoulder was in place again. Aerith got to her feet, muttering something about how he was going to need a brace if his shoulder was going to keep doing this—and then she looked at Kairi, and smiled.

"Nice to see you, Kairi, I heard you were over," she said. "Riku's already told you about the infirmary, hasn't he? Do you want to come see it? It's not finished, but it's… It's quite an accomplishment." She pointed over her shoulder at it.

Kairi nodded. "Yes, please, I'd love to see it! C'mon, Riku."

"One second," Riku told her. And then he burped. As far as burps went, it was probably the nastiest he'd ever tasted. He didn't think much of it, though—or, not until he felt something trickling down his chin. He reached up to wipe it away with his thumb, frowning when he got a good look at it.

_Goop _wasn't quite the right word. It felt nothing like goop. It hardly felt like liquid. It was black, shimmering with dark shades of purples and blues as it shifted. It… _was _shifting. Of its own accord. And it stung like darkness—

Darkness.

Darkness mixed with saliva, from the feel of it.

Riku grimaced and tried to shake it off his hand—

And then he burped again. Except it wasn't a burp. This came much quicker, and much more violently. It spurted up from his throat, poured out of his mouth. It hit his hands before he had the sense to move those out of the way, to move and double over to retch properly. The substance that hit the ground was fowl, that same darkness-saliva mix, and it writhed and bubbled like a live thing. He squeezed his eyes shut so he didn't have to look at it, and desperately hoped his hair wouldn't fall over his shoulders and get into the mess, too.

Just as he thought it, Kairi was pulling his hair back and out of the way. It had to be Kairi. Aerith's hands weren't that rough, weren't that calloused. And it couldn't have been Joseph, because he was shouting from somewhere off to the left.

"Gosh, _disgusting!_" Kairi moaned. "Is that even—alright, whatever. You okay, Riku? That can't have felt good."

"Uh—" he began.

But then he coughed and retched again. Kairi groaned, but she said nothing else, and she didn't move. One he was done, he felt her start tying his hair back with a hair-tie. One of hers, probably. Then she moved out of the way.

Riku coughed again, and flecks of darkness—or perhaps he should just call it puke—left his mouth and hit the ground, but the worst of it seemed to be over. He gasped and panted for air, as he straightened. He'd never felt so disgusting in his life.

"Did you _seriously _just puke _darkness?_" Kairi asked. She was kneeling on the other side of the mess, now, fingers outstretched to touch it.

"It sure looks like he did!" Joseph said. He was considering the scene from what looked like a safe distance.

"I wouldn't touch it, if I were you," Aerith warned, and Kairi pulled her fingers back. Aerith squatted down next to Riku, on his left. She reached out and rubbed his back for a moment, humming briefly. "You alright, Riku?"

"Uh, I… I guess. But I'm…" He shrugged.

"You'll be alright soon enough," Aerith assured him. She patted his back, then pulled her hand away. "The other question: _how _did this happen?" She looked between Riku and the mess—which still bubbled and writhed, disgustingly enough. She looked completely lost when it came to her answer. "I've heard of darkness tricking the body into puking, but actually _puking _darkness?" She shook her head.

"Mr. I-Forgot-To-Install-Darkness-Protection-Protocols might have an answer," Riku suggested.

"Vexen?" Kairi raised her eyebrows.

"Well, he seems the most likely to know," Joseph said. "Do you want me to go get him?" He almost sounded eager to be out of here, which was strange—but him being eager to help wasn't, necessarily. He hardly waited for someone to tell him yes before forming a dark corridor and leaving.

Aerith let out a long breath. "Right, if he's doing that… Kairi, do you think you could run back to my house and bring a glass of water? And tell Leon there's a nasty mess of darkness we'll need to clean up—not that I have any idea how to get this out of the ground…"

Kairi was already on her feet and running. "I'll let him know!" she called back.

Riku groaned and wiped his mouth again.

**xxx**

Sora tapped his knuckles against the glass of Kairi's window, a little surprised to find it closed, especially at _this _time of year. He shifted, hoping the branch he was on would support his weight—it had never had any trouble in the past, and he didn't _think _he'd gotten any bigger, but it certainly _felt _less steady. Namine was getting up to open the window for him, though, and soon enough he was inside.

"Can't bother with the front door?" Namine asked, with a laugh.

Sora dusted himself off. "Kairi's dad's not home. What's it matter? Besides, he wouldn't have cared even if he was—I've been doing this forever. You know that, Namine." He ran his hands over his jacket absentmindedly, glancing around the room, noting the distinct lack of Kairi. "And… I guess Kairi's not home, is she?"

"Nope," Namine answered, going back to sit on her bed, where her sketchbook lay and pencils were—well, they actually weren't scattered. They weren't necessarily in a perfect order or anything, but they were all next to each other. "Kairi went to Hollow Bastion."

Sora raised his eyebrows in surprise. "She didn't take my star shard."

"I formed a corridor."

"Ah. How's she getting back?"

"Riku will form a corridor—that or you go pick her up."

"How will I know when she's done?"

"Pick her up by dinner if she's not home yet." After Namine said it, Sora realized how obvious that was. Oh well. Better to clarify, he supposed.

He plopped down on the bed next to Namine, falling onto his back and lacing his hands behind his head. He noted that Namine carefully pulled her pencils closer to her and away from him. "We need, like, portable phones, or something," he said. "I guess I'll ask Cloud or Tifa when I see them next. They have phones."

"Yeah," Namine agreed.

"Hey, why didn't you go to Hollow Bastion, if Kairi went?" Sora asked.

Namine hesitated.

"W- _well…_"

Sora rolled his eyes. "You _still _fighting with Riku?"

"I- I guess…"

Sora eyed her, not that she was facing him, not that he could really see her face from this position. "You should really talk to him," he began.

"I know, I _know_!" She cut him off, quickly, sharply. "The longer I wait, the harder it's gonna be. I got that. I just…" She shook her head—_that_ he could see—"I don't know what to say to him."

"You wanna practice on me?" Sora offered.

Namine laughed at that, though she sounded more exasperated than anything else. Sora didn't mind much though, about the laughter or the exasperation, even if he had been completely serious in that offer.

"That's _stupid,_" Namine told him.

"Alright, well, why are you mad at him?"

Namine took a long moment to respond. She almost appeared to curl in on herself, her shoulders hunching inwards. Sora slowly sat up, considering her with worry. She didn't look at him. "Is- is it weird to be mad because I'm tired of meaning so much to him?" she asked, her voice quiet, trembling.

Sora frowned hard. "Uh… Explain?"

"I'm- I'm tired of his world revolving around me—I'm not that important."

"Oh, c'mon, you should be flattered Riku thinks you are!" Sora couldn't help but laugh a little. Wasn't being important to someone a good thing? It had to be better than the alternative.

Then again… he couldn't say he would mind if he had meant a little less to his Shadow.

"When it gets to the point he can't be happy if I'm unhappy?" Namine asked.

Sora shrugged. "I dunno. Seems pretty normal to me to be upset when someone you care about is upset."

Namine looked him dead on. "But when he's just falling on his face to please me?"

"Well…" Sora chewed the inside of his cheek, slowly lying back down as he thought it over.

Namine continued, angrily: "He doesn't need to _please _me. He doesn't need my high opinion of him to function and it makes me feel sick to think that he relies on it so much."

"That… _hmm…_" Sora stopped chewing his cheek, abruptly, realizing that if he chewed any harder he'd draw blood. Normally he didn't chew that hard. It was while he was running his tongue over the throbbing spot inside of his mouth to check it that something occurred to him. He sat up. "Wait, you mean he actually _needs _constant reassurance that he's amazing because I thought he was pretty full of himself."

"Obviously you haven't been paying attention." Her words were bitter, as was her laugh, but Sora tried not to notice.

"Guess we haven't interacted much, lately…" he agreed. Not that that was a surprise. Six months apart, then a few hours being reunited, and then Riku'd moved to Hollow Bastion. Sora wished he'd visited more than that one time he did in the past three weeks, but he'd been grounded… Among other things. "But, still, he _really _doesn't think he's the best thing in all the worlds?"

"He acts like he does, but, trust me…" Namine gripped her sketchbook tightly. "He thinks very _lowly _of himself."

"I thought fake-it-til-you-make-it was supposed to work…"

"It hasn't with Riku."

_Guess I shouldn't be too surprised… _Sora thought, rolling his Shadow's memories over in his head. He'd always thought the same of his Shadow—cocky, conceited, acting like he owned the place… But in the end… He was certainly much more broken than just that…

Sora pushed the memories aside. Even if they weren't his own, they still hurt to think about.

"So… lemme guess, you haven't talked to Riku because, what? It scares you?" he asked Namine.

"I- I don't know how to tell him without it making matters worse," she replied.

"Well… How do you know it's going to make matters worse?"

"You know how Riku is."

Sora paused. He supposed he had a good idea, but that wasn't going to help this conversation, and it wasn't going to help Namine. "Actually… no I don't," he said, slowly. "Like I said, we haven't interacted much in _ages. _You know him much better than I do." He sent her a reassuring smile. "How's it gonna go wrong, huh?"

Namine shrugged, slowly, leaving her shoulders hunched. "I'm… I'm going to tell him that I'm upset because I think he cares too much about me but how's he going to fix that, how is he supposed to care less? I can't _ask him_ to care less about me!" Tears glistened in her eyes.

"Guess… guess you can't," Sora agreed. "As much as it may annoy you…" he added, in a grumble, his mind flashing briefly over his Shadow. "So you- you have to… learn to live with how much he cares about you, because there's nothing else you can do, even though it hurts."

"I… I never said it hurt…?"

Sora flushed red. "W- well, I mean, y-y'know, seeing him? Seeing him, uh… _Uh…_"

"Fall on his face to please me…?" Namine finished. She was eyeing him suspiciously. Sora did his best not to make eye-contact.

"That, yeah. I guess," he said.

Namine nodded, very slowly, finally turning away from his as she considered it. "Well… "

"Tell him, uh," Sora cleared his throat. "Tell him that he doesn't need to worry so much about pleasing you, maybe? That's what I would do. I'd tell him that it doesn't matter how much he loves me, he doesn't need to trip over himself about it. That's what I would say, if I could…."

Namine turned back to him, looking even more suspicious than before. Sora grimaced with embarrassment, realizing that was the _second _time he'd done that. In a span of two minutes.

"I- I mean! If it were me and Riku but it's obviously not me and Riku and it's _definitely _not me and someone else."

Except that made it worse.

"You're blushing, Sora," Namine said, completely deadpan.

He smacked his hands to his face, as if to hide it. "No I'm not! _No I'm not._" He could feel the heat in his cheeks, though. There was no use denying that _something _was up. "Look, it's- it's not about me and Kairi or anything, so don't be worried about that."

Namine continued eyeing him. "Okay… But… who…?"

Sora shook his head, unable to say anything else, and certainly incapable of telling her the truth. Telling Kairi had been one thing. He'd known her since they'd been in diapers. It wasn't that he didn't trust Namine, he just… This was no secret he was eager to share.

"Sora…"

"Namine, please, not today—maybe another time." _Maybe never. _

She sighed, but didn't press. "Alright. Well… I guess you're right about Riku…" She turned to face the opposite wall, staring hard at it. As she continued, she picked up speed, as if becoming more certain of herself. "I should- I should tell him that I love him, and I know he loves me, but that doesn't mean… That doesn't mean he has to make me happy all the time. That doesn't mean I'm going to _be _happy all the time. I'm going to be angry with him and he's going to be angry with me but that doesn't mean we love each other any less."

Sora sent a surprised look at her, though grateful to be off the subject of him. "You've been… thinking a lot about this."

"I've been thinking a lot about this," Namine agreed, nodding.

He smiled and nudged her in the shoulder. "For what it's worth, I think that's the perfect thing to say to him."

"Thank you."

"Glad I could help."

"Oh, hey." Namine straightened and brightened considerably. "What did you come over for, anyway? You need anything?"

"To be honest, I just kinda wanted out of my house," Sora said, chuckling nervously. "Though I was maybe planning on bouncing ideas off Kairi again—about my parents. How to convince them I'm not lying about being in other worlds." He scratched the back of his neck, trying not to groan, trying not to stew too hard on his mother's angry words and his father's cautious glances, and _especially _not their lack of belief in general. "I've tried everything I can think of but it's not like I have proof, and frankly, I'm just about ready to—"

"_Sora,_" Namine interrupted him, in a tone that made him check the room for danger before realizing how stupid that was.

"What…?" he asked, brows knitting in his confusion.

She was gaping at him. "What do you mean you don't have _proof?_"

"Well… it's not like I brought back any souvenirs," Sora said. He continued studying Namine, not exactly sure what she meant, or why she was still gaping like he was missing something obvious. Was he? "I guess I could go get some or something but how do I prove they're actually from another world, and—"

"Sora, you have a _giant magic key sword _that you can summon at will," Namine interrupted again, her voice even firmer this time. "How is that not proof?"

"…_oh._"

"Did that _really _not even occur to you?"

Sora rubbed at his head, embarrassed to admit that, no, it hadn't. "Maybe that spell that Kairi's dad keeps talking about is stronger than we thought…" he murmured. Kairi's dad swore there was some sort of spell on the island, one that kept everyone from noticing other worlds, one that made everyone on the island forget Riku, forget Namine, briefly forget about him. Most of the problems with his parents Sora chalked up to the spell, honestly. And forgetting he had a Keyblade, and how hard it would be to deny him doing _magic _in front of his parents…

Well, in short, if he'd had any doubts about the spell, he had none now.

Namine rubbed at her face, shaking her head, clearly at a loss for words. Because of the spell? Because Sora'd forgotten about his Keyblade? He wasn't sure. He was too embarrassed to ask. After a long moment, Namine asked him:

"So are you going to _show them _your Keyblade?"

Sora nodded. "Yeah. Uh. Well, my mom is on errands now, and dad's working on the docks like he always is, and I'd rather get them both at the same time, so, tonight." He tried to sound confident. Maybe he should catch his dad on the docks, though. He wouldn't be happy about having work interrupted, but Sora was positive that his dad would be easier to convince, and that it would be easier to convince his dad if they were alone.

"Don't forget," Namine said.

Sora nodded again, assuring her he would. He tried not to think about how the spell might affect his memory. About how many reasons he was coming up with to put it off. And _definitely _not about the fact that he knew he should go talk to his dad now, while he was alone, while he could be sure he wouldn't forget, but didn't want to—and he had no reason than that—so he wouldn't, and he changed the subject.

"Well, hey, you want to do something?" he asked Namine. "Since, y'know, it's just us? I'm not sure if we've ever just the two of us done anything."

"Uh… sure… Can we…" Namine paused, chewing her lip for a second. He wasn't sure if she was just hesitant to voice her suggestion, or if she was having trouble thinking of one. It was the former, he realized, when she spoke. "Would you mind if we did some training, actually? I'd like to practice my magic."

Sora nodded enthusiastically. That was well within his capabilities. "Yeah, sure! Let's go down to the play island, though, just in case of misfires."

Namine shot him a _no duh _look. He shrugged innocently.


	24. In which a certain someone returns

**AN/ Update Oct 27 2015 - **small edit made to Aerith's introduction to a certain newcomer for continuity reasons.

* * *

Kairi ended up returning first, funnily enough, seeing as Joseph _should've_ had Vexen back within seconds after leaving. Whatever. Riku'd relocated to sit a little further away from the mess, though he found he didn't quite have the energy to move much more than three feet. He sipped on the water as Aerith told him to, and Kairi plopped down on the ground next to him. All three of them sat there, waiting for Joseph to return with Vexen, or for Leon to come with a… bucket, or whatever it was he was looking for. Riku hadn't been paying attention.

"Do you think if I just blast light at it, it will do anything?" Kairi asked.

"I… No, I don't think so…" Aerith said, with a rueful look at the mess. "No telling how much scrubbing it out of the ground will do, either, but we'll have to do something."

A dark corridor opened, then, and out stepped a frantic looking Vexen, followed by a much calmer—though still worried—Joseph. Vexen stopped short, wide eyes fixed on the mess, looking much like he wasn't sure what to think.

"I told you," Joseph said.

Vexen spared the boy a distracted look. "Yes. I… well…"

"When I told him what happened, he said he didn't believe it," Joseph explained.

"I'm not sure I blame him," Aerith said, rising to her feet. "I was a little surprised, too. _Anyone _puking darkness, Replica or no, seems a little… far-fetched."

"Well, it happened, so let's stop arguing about that," Kairi said. Riku closed his mouth and swallowed his words—he'd been about to say the same thing. Or something along the lines. Aerith sent her a surprised look, and Vexen just shook his head. He did not take his eyes of the mess.

"I… forgive me," he said, very slowly. "I didn't do much studying on how darkness affected Replicas, only enough to know it wasn't good, and so I wrote the Darkness Protection Protocols. Past that…"

"So you have no idea why this happened?" Riku asked.

Vexen shook his head again. "No."

"Any idea how to keep it from happening again?" Kairi asked.

Vexen hesitated, but his answer was the same. "No." After a second, he cleared his throat, and amended: "Well, short of installing the Darkness Protection Protocols, anyway."

"Which you'll never install, at this rate," Riku grumbled.

"I'm _working _on it, Riku! Translating your code is not such an easy task!"

Riku groaned. Kairi patted him on the shoulder. Vexen scowled at him a moment more, then slowly looked around.

"Uh, by the way, where is Namine?" Vexen asked.

The air went still. Aerith and Kairi exchanged looks—perhaps, in fact, Aerith looked a little accusing. Before either of them could finish that silent exchange of words, Riku spoke. Might as well get it over with.

"On Destiny Islands," he said. "It doesn't matter why."

Based on how Vexen's face darkened, he might have known why. Riku wasn't surprised by that, though. He'd _had _to have noticed something was up when they were all dealing with Larxene. Neither Riku nor Namine had tried very hard to hide it.

The thought stung, and Riku chewed his tongue viciously. Aerith met his eyes after a second, and silently mouthed one word.

"Remember…"

_Remember what I told you._

Riku closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He did remember. He did remember how it had been more than sleeplessness that had plagued him one night, how he'd been overcome with a sudden inability to breathe. Once Aerith had found him, and calmed him down, he'd told her everything he could, everything he knew, about what had happened between him and Namine. The thought of not knowing any longer had almost been enough to close up his lungs again.

_ "Namine just needs some breathing room," _Aerith had told him, once he was calm enough. _"And I know it's hard to hear that she needs it from you, but forever does not mean every moment by each other's side. You need time alone, time with other people, just to breathe. I'm sure that's all she needs."_

He'd thought it silly at the time, and maybe still a little silly now (two weeks was an awful long time to catch your breath), but the words had been comforting, and the idea of them on top of what he already knew even more so. She was afraid to confront him. She just needed to breathe.

_She wouldn't have to confront me if someone would tell me what's wrong, _he thought, a little bitterly, but now wasn't the time to work more answers out of Kairi.

Vexen slowly bent down next to the mess, starting to examine it. Before he could do anything else, someone cleared their throat loudly, drawing everyone's attention. It was a Vexen Replica. Or…

Riku squinted. This newcomer wasn't wearing an Organization cloak, and while it easily could've still been a Vexen Replica, there was something about the way he carried himself… Riku couldn't place it. If this was a Vexen Replica, it was one he'd never met.

The Vexen cleared his throat again, only continuing once he was certain he had everyone's attention. "Ah, forgive me for the intrusion, I just…" It looked very much like he was trying to contain a smile. "Well, I heard myself screaming, and I sensed a lot of darkness, so I thought I'd come see what the fuss was about." He sent a very pointed look at Vexen, who fumed.

"I was _not _screaming," Vexen protested, straightening to his full height.

The Replica sent him a look of disbelief, then held his hands up in surrender. He glanced at the mess. Scowled a moment. Returned his attention to Vexen. "Which Replica are you?" he asked.

Vexen blinked. "Uh. I'm. I'm not. I'm Vexen."

The Replica raised his eyebrows further. "Right… 6? Are you—?"

"Oh! No! I'm—I'm from a parallel universe," Vexen explained, quickly. He stared at the new Vexen with wide eyes, and Riku had a feeling he knew why. Before either of them could voice their thoughts—or Kairi could demand to know what was going on, because she looked about ready to—Joseph butt in.

"Oh! Oh!" He moved so he was visible to the new Vexen, jumping up and down excitedly and waving. "Master Vexen! Hi! Nice to see you again! Glad to know you did come back I heard rumors from uhhh I think Vexen here that you would but I never took the time to ask anyone for a straight answer but _hey _that's okay you're here! Nice to see you!"

The new Vexen—Riku saw no point in calling him _Master _Vexen—waited until Joseph was finished before saying anything, carefully nodding in the right places. Riku'd only seen 29 have that much patience with the boy, and that wasn't on every occasion. The new Vexen grinned, though, and bent down a little so he was more on level with Joseph.

"Nice to see you too, Joseph!" he said, very politely. "But I do believe I'm going to start introducing myself as _Even _now. I think I have the right to that name again, seeing as I have the heart…" He placed a hand over his chest a moment, looking a little distracted. "Ah, but Joseph, no need for any '_Master _Even's, either. Just Even is fine."

Joseph nodded and saluted. "Roger that!"

Even smiled at him, then cleared his throat, pulling together a more professional attitude. Riku rolled his eyes at that. "Anyway, I know we haven't quite finished with introductions," Even said. "But I really need to ask about… this…" He waved a hand over the mess on the ground.

"I puked darkness," Riku said. The sooner this was over, the better. He found Vexen insufferable enough, and he didn't doubt Even would be just as bad, if not worse.

"Oh _really?_" Even asked, eyes lighting up. "That's absolutely _fascinating._" Worse, Riku realized, as Even knelt down next to the mess and started prodding it with his bare fingers. Even would be much worse than Vexen.

"Leon's bringing something to clean that up soon, or he should be," Aerith said.

"You might need more than a bucket and a rag," Even said, with a little laugh, as he wiped his hand off on his shirt. "Darkness mixed with saliva… Literally, absolutely, _fascinating. _Can I have a sample?" He looked between Riku and Aerith, as if he needed to ask permission.

"I'm starting to see why you don't like Vexen," Kairi muttered, nudging Riku. "I mean, if he's as bad as this."

"Yeah."

"I've only talked at length with that one Replica. 7. He's nice. Nothing like this."

"Do you even have anything to _put _a sample in?" Vexen demanded. He was standing well away from Even, along with the mess. "And is there _really _any time for that? I think there are much more important things at hand right now."

"Tell me, Vexen, when was the last time you can recall someone _puking darkness_?" Even asked. "Never, right? I want a sample. Surely _you _can understand that. You're a scientist, aren't you?"

"Well, yes."

"You can't tell me you're not the slightest bit curious."

"I'm worried, and frankly, a little disgusted."

Even shook his head in disbelief.

Vexen squinted at him. "You didn't even blanch at the parallel universe thing."

"What? Oh. Well, if that Riku boy hopped over here, I don't see why someone else couldn't have. I'll want to ask you why of course, but, that can wait a little bit." Even looked around. "Do any of you have something I can put a sample in? I didn't bring anything with me."

Joseph's hand shot into the air. "Oh! Oh! I do I do! Well okay not on me but I can go get something one sec!" And again, he was gone, before anyone could tell him to do otherwise.

Even let out a long breath and pushed himself to his feet, dusting himself off. "Alright, well, we'll let him do that, and I guess it's back to introductions. You…" He pointed at Vexen. "You did say you were _Vexen_, right?"

Vexen nodded.

"Any reason why that, and not Even? Unless Even isn't your name."

"No, it- it was. I just… I never got to reintroduce myself, and now everyone knows me as Vexen…" Vexen sighed. "Besides, it might be a little late now."

"Ah, yes, it would be strange to have two Evens walking around—but are you sure you don't mind? I know the, uh, negative connotations that the name _Vexen _carries."

"I've gotten used to it."

"But there's still the option of—"

"Are we going to do any other introductions, or are you going to sit there and keep blabbing at each other?" Kairi demanded. She did not move from where she was sitting next to Riku, and he cringed as she raised her voice. It was just because she was so close that she seemed so loud, he knew, but it still hurt his ears a little.

"Sorry," Even said. "I've already introduced myself, which leaves, well, you three. You're… ah, wait, you're Riku, aren't you?"

Riku nodded. He wished he could look at Even without also having to look at the darkness mess. Where _was _Leon with that bucket or… whatever he was getting.

Even sent a glance at Vexen. "_Your _Riku?"

Riku rolled his eyes. "What's it matter who built me," he grumbled.

"Right?" Kairi agreed, softly. "Seems like a rude question to ask, if you ask me."

"…but, I wouldn't exactly—" Vexen was saying.

Even cut him off before he could finish. "Of course, of course! But you _are—_"

"From the same universe, yes."

"I'd figured, but—"

"Geeze louise," Kairi mumbled, shifting so she was leaning back on her arms. "Me and the other Kairi weren't this bad."

Riku nodded. "I know—Well, then again, me and Real Thing weren't _ever _like this, but… Yeah." He jutted his chin at Even and Vexen, who were still babbling over top of each other about parallel universes. "This is something new entirely."

"Have you even interacted that much with anyone from the other universe?" Kairi asked. "I mean, like, I know you have, but like… at length when there's more duplicates than just you and—wait a minute, did you just call him _Real Thing?_" She started at him, incredulously.

He returned the look in kind. "I've… _always _called him Real Thing."

Kairi opened her mouth to say something, but Riku motioned to quiet her, as Even said something that caught his attention.

"And you, you're Aerith, aren't you?"

Perhaps this wasn't the most exciting thing ever, but Riku was still curious. In part to know how Even knew her, and to see how Aerith responded. She was still standing in the same spot, most likely having been waiting politely and patiently while everyone else spoke. It would be like her.

She nodded in response to Even's question, and told him that, yes, she was Aerith.

"I thought so," Even said, with a thoughtful nod of his own. Then immediately he looked apologetic, and he explained himself. "I know we never talked much, if at all, but I heard a lot about your mother's… _work, _for lack of a better word. And since you aren't Squall, you must be Aerith."

Aerith laughed a little. "No, I'm definitely not…" Her smile drooped slightly and she licked her lips. "He goes by Leon, now, by the way. Not Squall. And… I'm sure everyone in the town knew about what my mom did—even people who are returning now light up once they hear the name Gainsborough. It's a strange feeling." She smiled again, briefly, but it was gone as Even asked his next question.

"How is your mother, by the way?"

"She- she passed away," Aerith said. There was a reluctance in her voice, but only a slight one.

Even's own attitude drooped immediately as well. "Oh. I am sorry to hear that…"

"It's okay," Aerith assured him. She hesitated a moment, as she studied Even. "You were… one of Ansem the Wise's apprentices, weren't you?"

"Ah, yes, I was," Even replied. His voice seemed a bit emptier than normal. "Any… any news of him?"

Aerith shook her head.

"Unfortunate, that," Even said, but he did not sound surprised.

"What about any of the other apprentices?" Vexen asked. "If you've returned, shouldn't they have, as well? Have you seen any of them?"

"It was only me in the Castle, and I searched every room," Even replied. "There looked to be recent signs of life, but no telling who from."

"Could've been one of them."

Even dismissed Vexen's argument with a wave of his hand. "Could've been one of the Restoration Committee. Or Xehanort. _Anyway, _I believe I have yet to ask this young lady her name." He gestured at Kairi.

She rolled her eyes. "It's Kairi. Thanks for finally taking the time to ask."

"Forgive me, I kept getting interrupted, and it would be a lie to say I've ever been good at—uh…." Even stopped short, all of a sudden, considering Kairi with wide eyes. He took a few steps in their direction. Riku could almost see the gears turning in his mind as he thought.

"Got something on my face?" Kairi asked.

"Oh, no, I… Your mother. What- what's her name?"

Kairi shrugged. "Heck if I know, Dad says she moved out when I was two, and doesn't say anything else about her." Then she appeared to realize what Even had just said, and she jumped to her feet. "Wait, are you saying you _know _her?"

"I… I think so…" Even blinked. "The memories are not as clear as I'd like them to be, and I only saw her a few times."

"Can you give me a name?"

"Mira."

"Mira," Kairi repeated. She said the name slowly, as if tasting it on her tongue. She sent a look in Riku's direction, mouthing the name again. She looked surprised. She looked happy. She took a deep breath. "Thank you."

"My pleasure."

"I got it!" A dark corridor opened, and Joseph stepped out, holding a small glass vile, which he promptly handed over to Even. "Sorry it took so long. Couldn't find my chemistry set right away."

Even thanked Joseph and told him it was alright, as he bent down and scooped some of the mess into the vial—_when _was Leon going to get here with those cleaning supplies? Riku was getting _really _tired of looking at this mess. He was the only one sitting on the ground, too, now, and that wasn't helping his mood. Just the thought of standing made his head swim, though.

"_Did _I ever ask how this happened?" Even asked, looking straight at Riku. He suppressed a groan. "I understand that you puked darkness, but, _how? _Why?"

"I was hoping one of you could tell me," Riku replied. He sent a pointed glance at Vexen, who was fuming where he stood.

"I'm assuming it had something to do with the fact I forgot to install the Darkness Protection Protocols," Vexen began, speaking as if he expected an interruption. "But besides that—"

Even rounded on him. "You forgot to do _what?!_" he demanded. He sounded and looked about as angry and as horrified as 7 had when he'd learned the same news. "I don't know how things worked in your universe, but I doubt you had Darkness Protection Protocols for _nothing._"

"Yes, yes, I get that it was a mistake, but I have to translate his code to your code before I can do anything about it!"

Even rubbed at his temples with one hand, slowly leaning back on the ground so he was completely sitting, opposed to squatting like he had been. Riku tried not to chuckle, but Vexen often made him feel the same way.

No one said anything for a moment. Vexen looked like he was trying to find words to say, though, and Aerith was squinting in the direction of her house. It was Joseph who broke the silence with a rough clearing of his throat.

"Master- Master Even, sir?" he said.

"Just Even is fine."

"Right. Sorry. I just…" He wouldn't look Even in the eye. "I was wondering why there are Darkness Protection Protocols and not protection protocols for anything else…."

Even lowered his hand from his head, studying Joseph carefully. "I'm… I'm afraid I don't understand…"

"I just mean… I…" Joseph appeared to swallow hard. He still would not look at Even, which was unusual for him. This behavior even had Riku worried. "Why did you make us…? Or, why did you make us so _young? _Why- why did…" He sniffed, loudly. "Why did you think it was such a good idea to give an eight-year-old boy so much power and no idea how to _use it!?_"

Even stared, blankly.

"He means Toby," Kairi said. Her voice shook as well, but not as much as Joseph's did.

"Toby?" Even sent her the same blank look, then recognition crossed his face. "Oh yes. I forgot for a moment."

"You _forgot!?_" Joseph shouted.

"I- Joseph, you have to understand, all of my memories are a little fuzzy right now," Even stammered, hastily. "And Toby? Toby was an experiment I did not have time to pursue—I'd only just finished him when Riku arrived in this universe, and Xemnas wanted me to study him, and I was curious, and- and I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Whatever- whatever happened to him, I can fix it, alright? I can fix it."

Joseph shook his head aggressively. "No you can't. He's gone. He's _dead. _His data was fried because you didn't think everything through, because you didn't have _time!_"

"Joseph, I swear, if I have his file, I can just—"

"That's gone too!" Joseph trembled, breathing heavily. "I know- I know it's not your fault Riku killed you, and it's not his fault because he didn't know, but that doesn't change the fact that you were gone, and that so many bad things happened, and that no one was there to _stop _them. _You _weren't there to stop them. And I just… I…" He shook his head and scrubbed at his eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

He formed a dark corridor around himself, and he was gone. Even stared at where he had stood, appearing stunned. Riku didn't blame him, entirely, though he knew what Joseph had been through. He sent a look over at Aerith, trying to judge how she'd reacted to all of that—she knew very little about Replicas, and there was no telling how much had made sense, or how much he would have to explain. Aerith did look confused, but when she caught him looking at her, she sent him a look and a shake of her head. _Not right now._

Riku eyed the mess three feet from him, and nodded. Not right now. He could explain later, if she needed him to. He cleared his throat, turning his attention to Even.

"I'm, uh, I'm sorry about killing you, by the way," he said. It felt weird to say, but he figured Even deserved that apology. _There's little I regret more, _he added, silently. It might not have prevented everything that had happened with the Rebellion, but it certainly would've prevented some.

"Oh? Well, I didn't stay dead, so no hard feelings." Even smiled uneasily at him. "The… The Program, though… What happened to it?"

Riku let out a long breath, not at all looking forward to having to discuss that. But he owed that to Even as well, for all the trouble he'd caused.

Vexen spoke before he had the chance. "Perhaps you should see for yourself," he told Even. "And ask one of the Replicas. They will be able to explain better than us."

Riku doubted he would've done _that _badly at explaining everything, but he was certainly grateful that he didn't have to.

"That is a good idea," Even agreed. He pushed himself to his feet again, pocketing his vial. "Do we have transportation? I can't form dark corridors anymore."

"I can," Vexen said. "Riku, if you wouldn't mind coming too… Perhaps a scan of your data and a check of your darkness levels would better clue us in as to why this happened."

Riku took a second to nod his reply. It wasn't that he hadn't expected the request, or that he hadn't assumed this would be the next step. It was that Vexen had asked so politely, rather than demanded it of him.

"Here." Kairi reached down to pull him to his feet. "I'll go too, of course."

"And I'll stay here and see where Leon is," Aerith said. "This mess has to be cleaned up one way or another. Take care. Nice meeting you, Even." She waved at them, then started for her house.

Vexen formed a dark corridor. "Let's go, then, shall we?"


	25. In which Sora is a good friend

**AN/ **Hey! I just wanted to remind everyone that if you wanna talk to me about ftpverse (or kingdom hearts, or, anything, I guess) you can always message me on my personal tumblr (rarmaster) or the ftpverse tumblr (ftpverse) or if you want to submit a question to any of the ftpverse characters you can do so on the semi-inactive askblog (askftpverse).

I just haven't advertised these things in a while, and uh, miss talking to people about ftpverse? Send me your questions! Your silly headcanons! Idk! But, whatever you do, _definitely _enjoy this chapter.

* * *

"What do you want to start with?" Sora asked, rubbing his hands together. Namine shrugged, staring at him. The waves pounded in the distance. The sand crunched beneath her bare feet. Sora'd ditched his jacket, and it lay off to the side—summer had already started, and the afternoons were beginning to get hot.

"I dunno," Namine said. "I'm really only good at Reflect." It was the only one she'd been practicing. The only one she could practice while sitting in Kairi's bedroom. The only one she could practice without having her heart seize in her chest. Just the attempt of casting offensive spells made her feel queasy. She'd asked Kairi to help her to get used to it again, but Kairi's tough-love attitude didn't help. That's why she asked Sora.

She figured she should _probably _tell him the real reason she wanted to practice, but her tongue was tied, and he was talking before she could even sort her words enough to start.

"Reflect?" Sora looked at her with wide eyes. "I don't know that one."

Rather than explain it to him, Namine just reached out and cast it. The barrier came much quicker, and lasted a little longer—that's what she'd been practicing to do with it, along with make it reach a wider area. For now it still only surrounded her, but she was certain its reach was increasing, if only by inches.

"Whoa! _Neat!_" Sora rubbed his hands together again, eyes glinting with an eagerness to try. Before he asked her for any instruction, he reached out his hands, and commanded: "_Reflect!_" To Namine's surprise, the spell took—it didn't go completely around him, but it did reach over his head. For a first try, that was pretty outstanding.

"Amazing…" she whispered, trying not to gape, and trying not to feel jealous. She'd managed to learn it well enough to completely surround herself with it in a day, but it had definitely taken her more than a few tries. "Good- good job!" she told Sora, forcing a smile.

He was grinning, looking very pleased with himself. "Thanks! My magic's gotten a lot better lately. But, c'mon, that can't have been perfect. Tell me what I got wrong. Lemme try again."

They spent probably fifteen minutes going over it, though it consisted more of Sora casting it multiple times in a row than it did of Namine doing anything. He was trying to train himself to focus on the idea of the spell, to memorize the feel of it, something which could only be done through repetition. Rather than waste her energy by practicing it as well, Namine just watched, and gave him pointers, usually only when he demanded them. He had the spell mastered within those fifteen minutes.

"Alright," Sora said, after he'd downed an ether. "What now? You wanna work on something? What spells do you know?"

"That, Cure, and Fire…" Namine said, very slowly. Now was her chance. She just had to tell him.

"Then I guess Blizzard is where we start!" Sora moved to stand next to her, holding a hand out. "It's a lot like casting Fire, but instead of focusing on heat, you focus on cold, or picture ice… or a chunk of ice… Blizzard is actually pretty fun because it comes in different forms, if you want it to. Watch." He cast it twice in rapid succession—the first was a blast of ice from his hand, the second a chunk that dropped from the sky, then he turned to her with a grin. "It just depends on how you picture it in your head when you cast it! You try!"

Namine reached out her hand, too afraid for a moment to speak, too afraid to do anything but go along, even though it was not quite what she wanted to do. She could hardly raise her hand, though. Her chest seemed to constrict.

"Something wrong…?" Sora asked, studying her.

"I…" She licked her lips, and pulled her hand back to her chest. "I'm not sure if I'm… If I can…" That wasn't right. None of those words were right. "I just want… I want to be able to cast offensive magic without freezing up…"

Sora considered her a long moment, obviously not understanding at first. It clicked before he had to ask, at least, and patience washed over his face. "Ah, I see! Right, then Aero is what I need to be teaching you—it's offensive, but it doesn't do much more than push an enemy back and away from you. Maybe it does damage? I wouldn't count on it doing a lot though…" He shook his head, then with a sweep of his hand commanded: "_Wind!_"

A blast of air carved its way through the sand. Namine could feel it pull at her a little. She licked her lips. Sora sent a reassuring smile at her. "Think you can do that?" he asked.

"I… Let me try…"

It couldn't do any damage. She had to keep telling herself that in order to make herself even raise her hand from her side. She could not hurt anyone with it. She could not hurt anyone.

Namine took a deep breath, then mirrored Sora's actions exactly, down to the verbal command and sweep of her arm. A gust of wind fled her, though it was much more feeble than Sora's had been. At least it was something.

"Good job!" Sora clapped her on the back. She tried not to tense at his touch. "See? You've got this. Try again, alright? Let's see how far we can get with this."

They practiced for a while more, and Namine's blasts became slowly more powerful—only by a little at a time, but she was no magical prodigy, and she knew well enough it could be months before she really had a hang of it.

Sora eventually coaxed her into trying it against him, reminding her that it was just a gust of wind, and it could not hurt him. "The worst that could happen is I get sand in my mouth!" he told her, laughing. He still had to assure her it wouldn't hurt him at least twenty times, and she had to remind herself a thousand more before she was able to even _prepare _to cast the spell against him.

She managed to do it, though, with only the slightest catch of her stomach. The air did nothing more but whip at Sora's clothes, and he grinned at her, once he'd pulled his arm away from shielding his face. "There you go!" he said. "Try it again. I'll Reflect this time."

Namine took a few deep breaths, but cast it again for him. He cast Reflect before it hit, and when his spell went down, he grinned even wider. "Didn't feel a thing!" he told her. Namine sighed in relief. That was good to hear.

"Wanna try with a different spell?" Sora asked. "How about Blizzard again? That one's relatively harmless—or, it can't do any serious damage. Maybe a couple bruises."

Her stomach churned at the thought of having to cast _another _spell against Sora. She should tell him that that was enough practicing for today. That maybe she should just practice Aero for now—thank you for teaching it to me. There were so many excuses, but she could open her mouth to form none of them.

Sora took her through the steps of casting Blizzard again, and had her cast it at the empty air in front of them for a while. She could make herself cast it, now. She could make herself cast it. Perhaps it was because she knew it could not hurt anyone so long as she aimed at the sand. Perhaps she was just getting in the groove again.

In fact, Namine felt fairly confident before long. She _could _cast the magic without freezing up. That's all she wanted. Her confidence and good mood fled her, though, when Sora proposed the idea of her tossing Blizzard at him while he Reflected.

"It won't hurt me," he told her, for the hundredth time. "I have good reflexes, I'll get the Reflect up in time, and I'll be fine! And even if I don't, somehow, it's just Blizzard. Like I said, the worst I can get is a bruise, and nothing a simple Cure couldn't fix. C'mon, Namine!"

She wanted to tell him no. That was enough for today. She was too nervous. But it was hard to refuse, hard to deny the eager glint in Sora's eyes. The thought of casting the spell against him scared her to death. The thought of backing out and explaining herself and having to argue against Sora's persistence scared her just as much.

So as Sora took his stance, Namine took deep breaths and prepared herself to do it. She raised her hand to cast the spell—

All she could see was Riku, lying in his own blood.

Her laugh, his screams, ringing in her ears.

_Get up, you worthless piece of—_

Her stomach heaved. The air fled her lungs. Bile rose to her mouth. A faint thumping started in the back of her head.

"No!" she cried, falling to her knees. She shook her head vigorously, clutching at her hair. She couldn't do it.

"Namine?" Sora was at her side before her name had finished leaving his lips. "C'mon, you okay?"

"N-no, _no _stay back! I'm going to hurt you!"

"I already told you, a Blizzard—"

"_Sora, _seriously!"

The thumping in her head was too familiar. The itch of her blood.

"You aren't going to hurt anyone, Namine…" Sora said, after a moment.

She shook her head again. He wasn't listening. How could he not be listening? It was him who restrained her, in the end, when it had come down to it. He knew how much damage she could do as well as anyone else. Didn't he remember?

"I'm going to hurt you!" she cried again. She would have pushed him away from her, but even that could turn into a further form of violence. Even if he did not remember, she did.

Sora did not budge an inch. Was he _insane? _"Namine, _come on, _that's not true!" he said. "I'm your _friend. _You wouldn't hurt me."

"_Please, _Sora, just _stay back!_"

Instead he pulled her into a hug. Tears welled up in her eyes, in part from the comfort of it, in part from terror. He was too close to avoid getting hurt, if something did happen, if she did—

"It's okay," he whispered, holding her tight and doing nothing more. "You won't hurt me. You aren't going to hurt anyone. You're safe now."

She shook her head and did not stop. The pounding in her head persisted. "They're gonna make me hurt you, they did, they put it in my head that I have to—"

"No, shh, that was fixed, wasn't it? That was fixed. You aren't going to attack anyone."

"I'm scared. _I'm scared._" Tears poured from her eyes, and her stammers became sobs. "I don't want to hurt anyone again. I- I don't want to hurt anyone."

"You're not gonna hurt anyone," Sora repeated. "I promise, Namine, you aren't going to. Not if you don't want to."

"But on accident?"

He shrugged, slightly, and Namine felt it as he did. "Accidents happen," Sora said. "But you won't hurt anyone on purpose. There's no way."

It was too much to take, too much to believe, and she was terrified. "But- but even if I don't want to, I- even if I don't want to, I- I'm going to. I- I never wanted to kill Riku, I never wanted to but I nearly did. _I nearly did._"

"They fixed that," Sora clutched her tightly, grounding how her body shook. "You won't do it again. You gotta believe you're okay, because you _are _okay."

"O-okay…"

"_Shh, _you're okay."

"Okay."

He held her for a long while, until she could breathe properly again. He kept reminding her that she was okay, every now and then, just as the silence seemed too much and tears broke in her eyes again. How his timing was so perfect, Namine did not know, but she was very grateful for him to be here, very grateful to have Sora as a friend.

When he finally let her go, they sat in the sand, saying nothing for a moment. Sora looked like he wanted to. Namine looked down at her hands. After studying them for a bit, and once sure Sora would not say anything, she spoke, quietly, her voice hardly above a whisper.

"It's just… I nearly _killed Riku,_" she said. It was something of an apology. An explanation. "That doesn't just… _go away._"

"I- I know," Sora said. "I know."

He shifted a little, so he wasn't sitting casually anymore, but hunched over his folded knees. He took a long breath.

"And I- I know this probably doesn't compare to what you had to go through, but… I was forced to fight a lot of people I didn't want to, and in the end, I was forced to kill all of them—" His voice caught, and he shuddered a little. "I- I _killed _them. I _killed _people. And, I- I know that Organization 13 was a group of bad people who would do bad things, and I know that _he _apparently had to die, but I still… It… Y'know." He sent her a bitter smile. "It doesn't go away."

"Right…"

And Sora was right about it not comparing more than anything else. He did not have to face and fight someone he loved. Worse, he did not _want _to do it.

It was the memory of _wanting _to kill Riku, wanting to slice him open, that burned her worse than anything else. The glee she'd felt as she watched him writhe. That was _real, _even if it was elicited by programming, by something that was not her. She remembered it very clearly, and it stained her mind.

She could not bring herself to correct Sora, though.

She could not belittle his feelings—he was just trying to comfort her, to be sympathetic, and she understood that. She could not tell him that it did not work, could not bear telling him that it made her feel no better.

So she kept her thoughts to herself.

"I'm sorry, by the way," Sora said, after a moment. "I… I shouldn't have pushed you to try that, even if it was harmless… We should've just gone and fought Heartless. I would've been able to practice Reflect, and you'd have been able to practice casting spells. Heartless are all you're probably gonna be fighting from here on, anyway. I can't think of any other big-bad-guy threats like Organization 13."

Namine shrugged. "It's okay."

"You mean that?" Sora leaned in close to her, twisting his head so he could look at her from the position he put himself in.

"You were trying to help," Namine said, with another shrug. "And you didn't realize right away that it wasn't going to… That's not your fault…"

"Well, still, next time lemme know if you're getting uncomfortable. You've gotta let your friends know about that stuff!"

She nodded, having no voice to say anything else. Trying not to think about how hard that was, even if it was what she needed to do.

Sora slowly poked her knee. "You wanna go fight Heartless now?" he asked.

"No. I want to go to Castle Oblivion. I- I want to make sure I'm safe."

"You _are_, Namine."

"I want to talk to 7."

Sora looked at her as if he could stare an answer out of her, then he sighed. "Alright," he agreed. He jumped to his feet and pulled her to hers, then dug his star shard out of his pocket. A few seconds later, they were both whisked away.


	26. In which everyone goes to CO

**AN/ **as an fyi, I'm gonna start trying to post every "three" days vs every "five"

* * *

Riku chewed at his tongue angrily. He and Kairi were sitting in the Main Room of C.O. A place he'd hoped to never visit again. Vexen had done a scan of his data to check on his darkness, and besides a few incomprehensible noises, he hadn't said whether it was in a good state or a bad one. He and Even were currently back in one of the rooms with a computer—which, he wasn't sure, perhaps it'd been 7's room—still arguing over it. Riku and Kairi had left them to that a while ago, and now they were sitting here.

"You, uh, sure we can't just leave and have them come bug us if they find something?" Kairi asked.

Riku shrugged.

"That's no help."

"Sorry. What do you want me to say?"

Kairi sat herself on the ground again—why she couldn't just sit on the couch Riku didn't understand, but he figured that she was occupying herself by moving around. And shooting her hair-ties at him.

"Something to get us out of here, or at least give us something to do," Kairi replied. "I mean, how long have we _been here?_"

"Twenty minutes."

"It feels like forever."

Riku only shrugged again. She wasn't exactly wrong, though. They'd only been sitting _out here _for twenty minutes. They'd probably been here, total, closer to an hour. Long enough for Even to be filled in on what happened in his absence and then come back to argue with Vexen, anyway.

Kairi scowled at him, but said nothing, not for a long moment. Then she smiled and shot another hair-tie at him. He wasn't quite quick enough to catch it, but he was able to deflect it, and prevent it from hitting him in the eye.

"Could always teach you how to use one of these," Kairi laughed.

With irritation, Riku realized he was tugging at his hair again—it felt a little strange to have it tied up like this, and he just couldn't get used to it. He pulled his hand away and sent Kairi's hair-tie back at her.

"Come _on,_" Kairi said, still laughing. She wasn't quick enough to catch the hair-tie either. "If you're gonna keep your hair that long, you might wanna know how to keep it out of your face."

"I'm fine."

"C'mon, Riku."

"I said I'm fine."

"I could always get you a headband."

"_Kairi._"

"The least I can do is fix your ponytail," Kairi said, pushing herself to her feet. She slid the hair-tie they'd been shooting at each other around her wrist so deftly he almost missed it.

Riku groaned. There was no stopping her at this point. "Just get it out of my hair," he grumbled. "I don't need it."

"Alright, fi—"

Sora and Namine suddenly arrived by star shard, cutting her off. Riku stared in surprise. Kairi was only tripped up a moment by their arrival, and was soon enough tugging her hair-tie out of Riku's hair. He tried not to flinch too much.

"What are you two doing here?" Kairi asked. She asked like she already knew the answer.

Sora shifted uncomfortably. "Well, uh, Namine wanted to practice magic, and she taught me this neat new spell called Reflect, and I wanted to practice it, so I asked her to cast some magic at me."

Kairi finished yanking her hair-tie out of Riku's hair with a surprising ferocity, then marched over to Sora and elbowed him hard in the gut. "What were you _thinking?_" she asked, then she was going to Namine, sliding her hair-tie around her wrist, and looking on the verge of reaching out and hugging Namine. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Namine said. It didn't look like she was meeting Kairi's eyes, and she sounded nervous about something. "I'm alright. I just… Y'know? Wanted to check."

"Want me to go with you?"

"I got it…"

She glanced once at Riku, and then she was walking away, in the direction of 7's office. Riku stared after her, only a little surprised. He didn't entirely follow what had just happened, but he knew well enough that she did not seem to want to talk to him, and he was in no mood to press.

And… something Kairi had said earlier came to mind, watching her. _"No, more like scared of any confrontation." _He did not fully piece together what Sora and Kairi were talking about, but the way Namine'd held herself, all small and hunched over, drawn in on herself… She'd gotten like that the last time they'd spoken. He'd assumed it was because she was scared of him, but she'd been like that now, and that was before she'd even noticed he was here.

Perhaps it wasn't just him…

_"I don't want to believe you're a monster, Riku, but sometimes…"_

Those were not easy words to forget, though.

"Where's your dumb jacket, Sora?" Kairi asked, smacking him playfully.

Sora pushed her off, looking somewhere between amused and annoyed. "Hey, first, I left it on the beach, _whoops, _I'll get it later, but second and _more importantly, _it's not dumb!"

"Yes it is!" Kairi laughed.

"Is _not!_"

"Sora, it has an _X _across the front of it, how is that _cool?_"

"IT'S- _well, _that's…" Sora frowned hard, fumbling for an answer. A smile drew on Riku's lips. "Okay, well, that's not super cool or anything, but the _rest _of it is cool, and my style, and, uh…. the only thing that matched the pants…."

Kairi sighed and rolled her head back in exasperation.

"Hey, uh, what are you two doing here, anyway?" Sora asked, looking first at Kairi, then at Riku.

"He puked darkness," Kairi answered, before Riku could open his mouth.

Sora gaped. "You _what?!_"

"Puked darkness," Riku repeated, nodding a little. He slowly reached behind his neck and pushed his hair away from it. Having it down suddenly felt as weird as having it up did. "It wasn't very pleasant…" Before Sora could say anymore, he gestured in the direction Namine had went. "What's up with her, huh? I didn't really follow."

"Oh, well, uh…" Sora and Kairi exchanged identical glances, as Kairi shrugged, and Sora slowly scratched the back of his neck. "They're, like, panic attacks, we guess." He held out his hands and shrugged.

"I've been doing a lot of reading on my dad's computer and that's what they _sound _like," Kairi added. "She sorta just, kinda… She shuts down on herself if you push her too hard, or she'll start freaking out about how she's gonna hurt someone, which, I get, but…"

Riku's eyes narrowed.

"Okay… but, it's been a full month now. Have they seriously not entirely fixed this Rewritten thing?"

Sora shrugged again, obviously clueless. Kairi glowered at him.

"Look, I have no idea, I just know Namine's still itchy about it," she said crossing her arms firmly over her chest. "So I guess they haven't."

Riku swallowed. That was certainly the least comforting thing he'd heard all day. Knowing that there was a chance—even the slightest—that, perhaps, he could suddenly find Namine's hands around his throat, or worse, sent shivers down his spine. And imagine how Namine must've felt. How was he supposed to assure her she was safe if she wasn't?

"Uh, Riku…?"

Riku looked up. Vexen. His expression immediately turned sour.

"Even wants another look at your darkness levels," Vexen said. "Do you think you could…?"

Riku sighed, but got to his feet. "Yeah."

"Can we come?" Kairi asked.

Vexen looked first at her, then at Sora. His eyes narrowed slightly, for a moment, and then he just sighed. "Well, I see no point in stopping you," he said. "And if Even minds, he can complain."

"Who's Even?" Sora asked.

Riku sighed again. This was certainly not how he'd wanted to spend his day.

**xxx**

Namine took a deep breath as her consciousness returned to her. She felt only mildly better, and a quick check of her internal clock told her not much time had passed. Apparently 7 hadn't done any editing of her data to remove… whatever it was that made her act like this. Was there no bad data left? No, there had to be. How else could she explain what had happened this morning?

She pushed herself upright, slowly, eyes narrowed.

"You're clear," 7 told her.

"I'm safe?"

"Yes." He sounded a little exasperated. Exhausted. "You're fine. I looked, and there doesn't seem to be anything." There wasn't anything left. How was that possible?

"So, I… I won't hurt anyone?" she asked.

"You shouldn't. There's… There's no reason you would."

There were no protocols left telling her to harm anyone. It should've been a relief, but all it brought was confusion. If there weren't any protocols, then what happened this morning? If there weren't any protocols… She opened her mouth to press, to ask 7 to double-check, to be _sure, _but then he said:

"Riku's in the next room over. Vexen thought you'd want to know." 7 made a show out of checking his computer so he wouldn't have to look at her.

Namine swallowed her question. Riku. Right. She took a few deep breaths to calm herself. To steel herself. She'd put this off long enough, and she should really put it off no longer.

"Alright," she said. She rose to her feet. "Alright. I'll- I'll go."

7 did not care about this, or he can't have cared much, but saying the words aloud further cemented her resolve. Further committed her to doing it. She couldn't put this off any longer. And she knew what she was going to say to him, and Sora'd said it was a good idea, and she'd run it over and over and _over _in her mind.

She knew what she wanted to say. She loved him. She knew he loved her. He didn't have to go out of his way to please her. She wasn't always going to be happy. It was so simple. It made her heart beat so hard.

Despite that, Namine still forced herself out into the hallway. She couldn't back out. She _wouldn't _back out. She started to where Riku was, only sparing a second glance and a polite "excuse me" at the Vexen she bumped into on the way. The second glance was only because he wasn't wearing an Organization cloak. But it didn't matter. She couldn't let herself get distracted, or she'd never keep her resolve, she'd never speak to Riku.

The door was open, so she stepped in, stopping in the doorway. "Uhm…" she began, and then stopped. Where to start? Riku was sitting on the single cot in this room, Vexen was over by the single computer, and Kairi and Sora were leaning against the wall by the door—or they had been. Kairi looked at Namine only a second before nodding like she understood, and a look was all she sent at Sora before he was nodding as well.

"Ah, Namine, good to see you!" Vexen said, smiling at her. He looked genuinely pleased. Riku said nothing, just picked at his fingers, as if they were more interesting. He looked so tired.

Namine hesitantly opened her mouth to answer Vexen, but then Sora called at him and waved him over, and before Namine really understood, Sora was on his toes so he could hiss something in Vexen's ear. Something Namine couldn't hear. Vexen first looked surprised, then disgruntled, then about to argue, but a look from Sora stopped that.

"Oh, yes, that's right!" Vexen said, with an obvious forced enthusiasm. "I was going to talk to 7. If you'd excuse me…"

Sora followed out the door after him, then Kairi—she paused only a second to squeeze Namine's shoulder. Then all three of them were gone, and the door was closed, and it was just Riku and Namine left in the room. Riku looked up at her, moving as if it were a chore, his face drawn in thin patience. She had never seen him look so tired.

He said nothing, though. He just kept messing with his fingers, staring at her. Waiting for her to make the first move. Namine took a deep breath. Where to start? She knew what she wanted to say, she had rehearsed, but she had not prepared anything to start with. _Riku we need to talk _seemed too blunt. _I have something to say _seemed to forward. _If you want to fix our relationship then listen _seemed like just a way to guilt him, and that was the last thing she wanted to do.

She wished Riku would stop staring at her. This had seemed so easy when she was in the hall, but now that they were in the same room, now that they were _alone… _It was so much more overwhelming than she wanted it to be, than she'd expected it to be. It was like something was wrapped tightly around her chest and squeezing hard, squeezing so hard that her heart beat furiously against it and air only barely got into her lungs.

She couldn't do this.

She was terrified.

Namine was just turning her feet towards the door, just turning to bail, when Riku spoke.

"Look, Namine, I… I messed up."

She froze where she stood, feet unbalanced, half-turned away from him. The air seemed to tighten around her. She didn't turn to look at him, kept her gaze where it was, at a point halfway between the wall and the floor.

"Wh-what?"

"I messed up, Namine, alright? I messed up." Riku paused, only a moment. She could hear him swallow—it was funny how sound acted in this castle. Most moments the walls seemed to suck up even the tiniest noise, but in moments like these they were all amplified tenfold.

"I… I don't know what I did," Riku continued. "But, obviously, I must've done something wrong. I… I get that. But if you won't _tell me _what I did wrong, then I can't _fix it. _So- so _please, _Namine… don't go…"

Namine gasped for air, biting her lip and trying hard not to sob, but tears were already running down her cheeks. Her heart tugged at the sound of his wavering voice—of how desperate the boy she loved sounded. She could hardly bear it anymore.

She turned to him, hugging herself tightly, tears falling freely.

"I… I messed up, too…" she said, haltingly. "And I… I'm sorry. I was just… I was scared…"

It was an effort to get her feet moving, but once she started, she could not stop. She stumbled over to him and sat on her knees in front of him—he was still at least a foot taller than her, at least, and it was not just granted to him just because he was sitting on the cot. He was so big, and she was so small, and that was the way it had always been.

"Scared of what…?" Riku asked. He reached out, running his fingers over her cheek. She leaned into his touch, unable to help herself. She'd missed him.

"I… I didn't know what to say…" Namine said, shaking her head. It was too much to admit she'd been scared of _him, _scared of what her negativity would do to him. Even now, she couldn't do it, couldn't tell him that. She should, probably, but she couldn't. "And I was scared…" She swallowed. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright…"

His voice was sweet. His calloused hands were rough. She swallowed again, then pulled his hand away from her face. There was no running, now—no running from this, no running from the fact her words might hurt him, whether she wanted them to or not. She had to say them. She had to fix this.

"Namine?"

She covered her mouth with one hand, clutching Riku's fingers in the other, trying again to hold back a sob. She took a few deep breaths, trying to calm herself. It seemed to work. She just hoped it would last long enough for her to get the words out.

"I- I owe you an explanation," she said, grinding the words between her teeth and spitting them from her mouth. It seemed like a good place to start. "For… for why I w—for why I'm upset." _For why I was _wouldn't work. She was still upset. "I- I just… I get tired of this, Riku. I- I get tired of this… this routine…"

His brow furrowed with confusion. "What routine?"

She squeezed her eyes shut. Wished she wasn't crying, but there was no helping that now. No going back now. Her stomach heaved. She had to get this done.

"Me… me trying to keep you… happy."

"I don't understand."

She shook her head. Didn't open her eyes.

"I- I shouldn't have to keep you… happy, Riku."

"I never said you had to?"

"I know." She knew—she'd always known that he'd never been doing this on purpose, that he didn't know any better. She hadn't known better, either, not for a long while. "But when you- when you fall all over yourself to keep me happy, when- when the moment I'm upset you get upset, too… It- it _feels _like I have to stay happy to keep you happy, and I- I can't do that." She hoped her tears weren't slurring her words too much. "I- I can't be happy _forever_, Riku. And you- you shouldn't rely on my happiness to be happy."

"I… I'm still not sure I understand." Riku's voice caught. Namine shivered. "Isn't it…? Aren't I supposed to be worried about you, when you're upset?"

Namine just shook her head, hard. She squeezed Riku's hand between hers, for a second, and he shifted so he was clutching her hand back. "I- I don't know," she admitted. "I don't know what we're _supposed _to do, I just… I- I know that… I _think _that you're taking it too far."

"Too far?" Riku asked.

She nodded. "We're- we're too dependent on each other, Riku. You're too—" He was too dependent on her, and yet she couldn't say that. "I'm not always going to be happy with you, Riku. There are times when I'm gonna be mad at you, I'm gonna be _really _mad at you. But you can't- you can't let it _destroy _you. You can't destroy yourself because I'm not happy. You- You can't destroy yourself because I don't think you're perfect, because I don't think you're perfect, and I never will!"

"I…"

"And I _know. _I- I kn-know it's a lot to ask, after- after everything you've been through." She scrubbed at her cheeks. This hurt the most. "After- after Larxene. After the other Namine, after… after all that. But I- I can't _do this _Riku. I can't do this anymore. I can't—"

He threw his arms around her. He gripped her so tight she thought she'd puke, but she didn't tell him to let go, she wrapped her arms around him too. Buried her face in his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," he said, he sobbed. The sound of his voice cracking was torture. "I still don't think I understand, but I'll try. I'll try to understand. I'll try to fix it. I'll try."

"Thank you…"

"Yeah."

After a long moment Riku pulled away, taking her face in his hands, wiping her tears away with his thumbs. Her eyes still hurt, but that wasn't because of his touch, only because of the tears. She laughed, a broken thing, but the smile on her face was real. He smiled back, but it didn't quite reach his eyes—those were clouded with worry.

"And… about Larxene…"

Namine shook her head. "Don't, alright? What's done is done."

"I'm sorry, though," Riku said. "Not for what I tried to do, not for what I wanted to do. But I'm sorry I scared you. And… and maybe it wasn't worth all the trouble it caused. That won't change how I feel about her, but she's not worth losing you."

Namine wasn't sure whether to laugh or to sob, so she did both. "She's- she's also dead," she said. "And she can't hurt you. Maybe I- Maybe I didn't want it to happen the way it did—but her being dead is something to celebrate, at least, isn't it?"

He laughed with her, a bubbly thing. "Yeah!" his voice still cracked, but his smile was beautiful. "I guess it is."


	27. In which everyone leaves CO

Namine and Riku sat there for a little longer, out of words but enjoying each other's presence. Namine wasn't sure how long she wanted to stay there, or if she wanted to say anything else… Then they were interrupted by the sound of someone falling over, a distinct _ow, _and a sharp _shh! _The _ow _had been from Sora, and Kairi'd been doing the hushing.

Riku sent a wry look at Namine, then leaned around her. "Boy, I sure hope someone's not _eavesdropping _on us!" he called.

There was a pause.

"Uh, nothing here but us mice!" Sora called. His voice was slightly muffled by the door, but they could still hear him clear enough.

"Sora, you _idiot, _that gave us away!"

"They already knew we were here, Kairi!"

Namine found a furious blush rising to her cheeks. "Were you two eavesdropping the _whole time?_" she asked.

There was a pause, then Kairi opened the door. Sora was flat on his face on the ground, which would explain the falling noises. "Look," Kairi said, "I just wanted to be on hand in case I needed to punch Riku in the—_I mean _be here for moral support."

Sora burst out laughing. Namine blushed harder. Riku only rolled his eyes, which was a relief to Namine. At least he wasn't going to get offended.

"Woooow Kairi," Sora said.

"Oh, get up off the floor!"

"I can't believe you two were eavesdropping," Riku said.

"Really?" Sora asked, as he pushed himself to his feet. "Because, that's like, right up our alley—_Hey!_" He pushed Kairi away from him before she could smack him, sending her a dirty look.

"Anyway, if we're all done here, can we go?" Kairi said. "I mean, if, you two still want a bit that's fine me and Sora can scoot out of here, but…"

Namine looked at Riku, who shrugged. Namine got to her feet, rubbing her arm. "Well… I wanted to…" She paused. She'd wanted to, perhaps, ask 7 again if he was sure about her data, but he'd sounded pretty sure. She wasn't sure what had happened this morning, what she'd felt—or, not _why _she'd felt it—but if 7 said it wasn't something in her data, then it wasn't. And either way, she wasn't likely to get any different answers out of him. "Never mind," she said. "I… I think leaving is a good idea."

"Alright, then, where to?" Sora asked. "Hollow Bastion? Or Destiny Islands?"

Riku cleared his throat. "Well, that depends, I guess, on, uh, whether or not Namine's- whether or not you're, uh…"

"Are you moving back to Hollow Bastion, Namine?" Kairi finished, for him.

"Oh!" Namine blinked in surprise. "Oh, uh, yeah, I guess. I wasn't even thinking about that…!" She laughed nervously, rubbing at her arm again. "I'll, uh, have to get my stuff from Kairi's though…"

"Well, the boys can go wait in Hollow Bastion while we go get your things," Kairi suggested. "We shouldn't take too long."

"Hang on," Namine said. "We should probably tell someone we're leaving."

Riku grumbled something about Vexen not needing to know. Sora rolled his eyes and pulled out his star shard. "Well, you do that, and me and Riku will just head to Hollow Bastion, alright?" Sora put a hand to his mouth to stifle a yawn. "Oh, and Kairi, can you pick up my jacket before the tide makes off with it?"

"Uh-huh," Kairi said, heading for the door. She slowed to wait for Namine. "Come on, let's go let 7 know we're leaving."

"Yeah."

They left Sora and Riku in the room, and presumably the boys left from there. 7 was only a room over, and the door was open, so Namine just poked her head in. Vexen was not here, as she'd thought he'd be—hadn't he said he wanted to speak with 7? Maybe he was done by now. Oh well, Vexen wasn't that important. The one Vexen Replica she'd run into the hall though—the one who wasn't wearing the Organization cloak—he was here.

"Namine wanted to let you know we were leaving," Kairi told 7. She sent a look at the other Vexen and grimaced a little.

"Oh, you didn't have to," 7 said.

Kairi shrugged. She sent a smug look at Namine though. Namine didn't get a chance to say anything.

"Namine! I wanted to speak with you," the other Vexen said. "I'm Even, by the way. I, uh, I created the Replica Program here." Namine stared at him. That also meant he'd created _her. _The revelation was like a whack to the gut, and Namine vaguely wondered if Riku felt this way all the time around Vexen. It wasn't quite an unpleasant feeling, but she thought it might explain part of the reason why Riku was so sharp with Vexen all the time.

"Uh… nice to meet you?" Namine said. What else was she supposed to say?

Even studied her just a second, then nodded to himself. "I… I see you're eager to leave," he said, "so I won't make this long. I just… I wanted to tell you I'm sorry for what happened to you. I never built this Program for such a purpose, and I am _truly _sorry."

"I… it wasn't exactly your fault…" Namine told him, as she shrugged. It wasn't like he'd been the one who'd Rewritten her.

"Still…" He smiled at her. "I won't keep you any longer. I hope you have a good day."

"Uh… You too."

Kairi squeezed her on the shoulder as they left the room, smiling widely at her. "You okay? You seemed a little…"

Namine nodded rapidly. "Yeah, I'm alright. He just mentioned who he was and that he built the Program, which, y'know, includes… me… and that was a little weird."

"I… would have no idea," Kairi said. She shrugged, then she laughed, sparing a glance over her shoulder. "He was much more reasonable than he was earlier though… Maybe because it was just him and not Vexen too…"

Namine shrugged, then slowly laughed, too. "I… would have no idea," she said, repeating Kairi's words. Kairi looked at her, then laughed along.

"Let's go get your stuff."

"Yeah."

**xxx**

Sora decided to plop down on one of the couches and take a nap, which was fine by Riku. He slipped into the kitchen to help Aerith clean up after lunch, telling her that he and Namine seemed to have made up. Aerith was excited to hear that, and to hear that Namine was moving back in. She suggested that, perhaps, they take separate rooms this time, since Tifa and Cloud were gone, and Riku shrugged in response. That was something Namine would need to be here to decide.

Riku leaned back a second to peer around the partial wall separating the kitchen from the front room. Sora was curled up on the couch by the bookshelves, hopefully asleep by now. Riku wasn't sure why he was checking, though. Sora'd already heard everything he and Namine had talked about, seeing as he and Kairi had eavesdropped on the conversation. Still, he checked, and then he told Aerith in quiet words what Namine'd said, everything he remembered.

He wanted to better make sense of it. He thought he understood it alright, for the most part, but he wanted to tell Aerith. He wanted her thoughts.

Once he was finished, Aerith was silent, running her hands over the plate she was holding to make sure it was clean. She passed it to Riku after a moment, then she laughed a little, and shrugged.

"Riku, I think right now you're just going to have to listen to Namine—this is between you and her, and while I'm flattered you're asking me for help…" She shook her head and started draining the sink. "I don't think I can provide any extra insight. I think it's wonderful you made up, though."

Riku sighed, drying off the plate and putting it away. He supposed he should've been expecting an answer like that. It was alright, though, he figured. He understood well enough what Namine had said, it was all just a lot to digest. He sighed again—more in annoyance, now—and pushed his hair out of his face. The hair-tie Kairi'd pulled his hair back with earlier had hurt his head, but it had been nice to have his hair off his neck and out of his way.

Aerith sent him a glance. "Look, Riku, like I said… you just have to listen to her. And you told her that you'd try and make things better, right?"

"Mmhmm," Riku answered, with a nod.

"Then you need to do that, and you'll need to talk to her, and you'll need to communicate. Both of you do."

"Right…"

"Oh, stop worrying so much, Riku!" Aerith laughed. "I think you'll be alright." She dried her hands off on the towel hanging on the cabinets under the sink, then studied him sternly. "Now, how'd it go? Did Vexen have anything else to say about you… well, puking darkness?"

"Oh yeah…" Riku said, setting his towel down on the counter. "No, it wasn't really anything different than what we established here. The Darkness Protection Protocols should fix it, when we eventually install them, my darkness levels are troubling, but could be worse, there's nothing they can do for me now, etc." He waved his hand, dismissing the issue. "It sucks, but, I mean…"

"Chances of you puking darkness again…?"

"Neither of them had any clue."

"Neither of—Oh, that's right, Even was also there." Aerith nodded. "Well, anyway, I should probably go let everyone know Namine's going to be back. Thanks for your help with the dishes." She slid out of the kitchen and headed upstairs.

Riku went out to the front room, picking up his book from where he'd left it on the coffee table and plopping down on the couch opposite Sora. Namine and Kairi should be here soon, or relatively soon, but he wasn't going to think himself silly while he waited for them.

He'd read about two pages when Sora sat bolt upright. Sora looked around franticly, as if not realizing where he was, then he broke into a long groan. "Not _again…_" he moaned. "Why does this keep _happening?_"

Riku considered him a moment, sliding his hand into his book so that he would not lose his place. "You okay?" he asked.

Sora jolted. "What? Yes. Fine." He appeared to be breathing heavily now, and Riku couldn't describe the look Sora sent him as anything other than annoyance, if not disgust.

"Whyyyyy are you pinching yourself so hard you look ready to pop a blood vessel?"

Sora hastily stopped doing so. "What? No I'm not. No I wasn't."

Riku stared a moment, then let out a sharp chuckle. Alright. Fine. He wouldn't press. It was a little bit of a surprise to see Sora doing something like that, but Riku understood well enough why he might have wanted to, and why he wouldn't want to talk about. He filed it away to tell Kairi, maybe, but otherwise, he dropped it.

Sora started mumbling something which Riku couldn't entirely make sense of. He did catch a couple frantic _not agains _along with a very angry sounding _why am I even—! _before that broke off into more grumbling.

"Are… are you sure you're okay?" Riku asked.

"_Fine!_" Sora shouted, shouted so loud Riku jumped. Then Sora seemed to realize himself, grit his teeth, and said in a slightly (_slightly_) calmer tone: "I just can't fall asleep anymore and it's _infuriating._"

"Well… it's only been ten minutes?" Riku offered, with a shrug. "Maybe you should, uh, try again?" He wasn't really sure if he understood that about sleep. He never slept regularly enough to be sure, but he thought it usually took him more than ten minutes to fall asleep.

Sora shot him the dirtiest look he'd ever seen. "Yeah, whatever, fine." He flopped back down onto the couch and rolled over so that his back was to Riku. "I'll try again," he grumbled. "Think myself sick. That's fine. I'm not complaining."

Riku raised his eyebrows. Oh well. He turned his attention back to his book and started reading again.

It was another fifteen or twenty minutes later when Namine and Kairi showed up. Kairi tossed Sora his jacket, which he flinched at, but he did not move otherwise. "Hey, Riku, wake him up, will you?" Kairi asked, as she and Namine started up the stairs. "We gotta head back home if he doesn't want to worry his parents, it's starting to get late."

"Got it." Riku closed his book. "Hey, Sora!" he called. He knew Sora wasn't asleep—he hadn't gone back to sleep since he'd lain back down. "You hear that? Kairi says you gotta go home."

Sora shifted, but said nothing.

"_Sora!_"

Sora covered his ears and started grumbling again.

Riku rolled his eyes and got to his feet, tossing his book down on the coffee table. "C'mon, Sora," he said, moving over to Sora and shaking his shoulder. "I know you're not asleep, so—"

Sora very suddenly and very violently grabbed Riku by the wrist. His grip was like iron. He shifted to look up at Riku, eyes burning, mouth drawn in a crueler snarl than Riku ever anticipated seeing on Sora's face.

"Sora, what the _hell _let _go _of me! _Sora!_"

Sora's eyes slowly widened, and he very quickly let go of Riku's wrist. "I. Uh. I'm, uh- sorry?" he stammered. "I… uh…"

Riku pulled his hand away, moving to pick up his book, just to make a show out of doing something. "Sleep well?" he asked, bitingly, sarcastically. His wrist burned, and Sora's fingerprints were still indented in his skin.

"I… alright, yeah, I guess," Sora said, yawning. "Doesn't really feel like I did, and I'm still exhausted, but…" He shrugged and started pulling on his jacket. "Dunno. Sleeping's been like that lately."

Riku wondered if Sora'd ever accidentally grabbed anyone else like that when they'd come to wake him up. If he had, it was no wonder why his parents were so angry with him all the time.

"Right. Well. Namine and Kairi are here."

Riku thumped his book against his palm, then started upstairs to put it away, just so he could get away from Sora for a moment, just so he could be doing something.

**xxx**

A voice called out of the darkness.

"_I'm surprised you're still here, boy._"

It was all he could do to keep himself from laughing back, though if he did laugh, the laugh would be empty.

_It's not like I can go anywhere. You made sure of that._

_"Oh, but I wasn't referring to that!" _the voice said._ "I'm just surprised that your heart hasn't yet been smothered by mine. That should have happened ages ago."_

The words sent chills up and down his spine. He bit his lip, trying not to think about the presence that surrounded him so thickly it could drown him, trying not to think about how weak his heart felt. How long had it been since he'd felt strong?

_My friends… _he called back, wearily. _I still… have something to fight for. I still—_

The darkness around him was filled with laughter, a cruel, _pleased _laughter. Despair filled his gut. It was hard to be confident when that voice sounded so sure of itself, when _he _sounded like he'd won.

_"Of course you do! Just remember—you need me."_

Darkness consumed him.


	28. In which we meet some familiar faces

**AN/ **I'm really excited for this chapter, because I get to introduce some of my favorite characters into ftpverse mainstream! Also, if you haven't read ASASch82 (Persistent as Water) yet, you may want to do that, especially if you're a new fan to the series.

* * *

"Sora, you really can't keep avoiding it forever."

Sora swallowed the bitter laugh in his throat, easy since he was tossing his Keyblade at a Heartless behind Kairi and it was a grunt that left his mouth more than the laugh. They were in Hollow Bastion, helping out with rounds. The other option had been helping restore houses, but this had seemed the most useful.

"Well, I can try," Sora said. He did not need to look to see that the blast of light Kairi sent past him hit a Heartless that had probably been sneaking up on him. He'd asked when she'd begun to enjoy fighting a while ago—considering she had thought it "silly" when they were younger and now seemed to enjoy it more than anyone he'd ever seen—and she'd replied with a _"Well it was silly when we were practicing to fight imaginary monsters. The monsters aren't imaginary now, are they?"_

"Sora, come on, that's the entire _island _you have to avoid," Kairi scolded. "Does it _really _bug you that much?" She sent him a worried look, and Sora rolled his shoulders before tossing a Fira at the nearby Heartless. He didn't look her in the eye as he answered.

"I'm just tired of everyone _asking. _You would've thought, by now, that everyone would've gotten the memo, _I don't want to talk about it._" He sliced angrily through the nearest Heartless. "I'm just _so tired _of having to blow them off, because that's all I can do short of lying, and maybe that would be better, but, I just! I don't know!"

"Sora—"

"It's not like I can tell _anyone _that 'oh yeah I had a dark copy of myself who thought it'd be fun to torture me'!" It was the constant questions about the scar across his face that bothered him much more than the questions about where he'd been, for some reason. Those were annoying, too, but they didn't _infuriate _them.

"Just tell them you got in a fight," Kairi said. A blast of light from her finished off what was left of the Heartless. "Isn't that what you told Tidus and Selphie? It shut them up eventually, and maybe it'll shut everyone else up too."

Sora sighed and banished his Keyblade. She wasn't wrong.

"It's still _embarrassing,_" he grumbled.

Kairi eyed him sideways. "You sure you're okay?"

"I'm _fine!_"

She studied him a while longer, in a way that made his stomach boil, which was crazy, because it was only Kairi. He aggressively avoided her gaze and folded his arms over his chest, biting his tongue to keep himself from snapping at her and telling her to say whatever it was she wanted to already and stop _staring at him like that. _There wasn't anything wrong with him! _Really._

"What about… the gaps in your memory?" she asked, very quietly.

Sora grunted. She was making him wish he hadn't mentioned those to her a couple nights ago. They scared him, though, they terrified him. He hadn't thought the darkness had been this bad, all that time ago, and worse, he wasn't sure how to stop it this time.

"Still there, if that's what you want me to say!" The words were much sharper than they needed to be, and he knew that, he just couldn't seem to stop it. He blamed the darkness. It had to be the darkness. "My mom acts like I was up all night last night even though I'm pretty sure I was sleeping. And I don't remember if I ate breakfast."

Kairi let out a noise that was simultaneously a long groan and a suffering sigh. "Sora, come on, I'm just trying to help you out. Also, you did eat breakfast. I forced a muffin down your throat."

Oh yeah. He remembered that now. When he'd told her he wanted to come to Hollow Bastion, she'd sat him down and wouldn't let him go until he'd eaten something. He didn't see how it was a big deal that he wasn't eating, but Kairi sure acted like it was. He'd survived on less food when staying with Maleficent, though.

"Anyway, enough blabbing about my problems," Sora grumbled. "What about you? You ask your dad about—"

"No," Kairi answered, before he finished. Now it was her turn to look shifty.

"You learned her name a week ago."

"Well, yeah! I know!" Kairi rubbed at her arms, and shrugged. "I'm just not sure how well 'oh by the way Dad I met a stranger he said he knew Mom was her name Mira also can you tell me about her' will go over!"

Sora shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Probably fine," he told her. "Your dad's pretty chill." _Especially compared to my parents, _he added, silently, but there was no use being bitter about it aloud. Kairi already knew that. They'd established the differences between their parents the moment they were old enough to notice them.

"Yeah, I know he is." Kairi looked at him with eyes like stone, arms still folded very tightly over her chest. "It's just… I mean, I haven't cared about her at all before in my life. What if it sounds out of nowhere?"

"It's not out of _nowhere, _Kairi—"

"It _feels _out of nowhere!"

The way Kairi's voice shook made Sora swallow his witty comment, and study her carefully. Her arms weren't crossed over her chest out of stubbornness, he realized—it looked more like she was hugging herself. Like she was nervous. Why, he didn't know. She'd never talked to him about her mom before now. Then again, her mom hadn't been a subject _to _talk about before now.

"I- I miss not caring about her," Kairi said. "I miss not caring about where she is, or why she left, or _who she is, _but that's all I can think about now. And I'm so…"

Sora put a smile on his face, and bumped her in the shoulder. "Aw, Kairi, it's not—"

An explosion of light—or, _something—_off to the left made him break off mid-sentence and shield his eyes. Kairi did the same. When it faded, it left some sort of after-magic in the air that felt like something had just been singed. Sora and Kairi exchanged identically nervous, but excited, glances.

"What was that?" Kairi asked, breathing the question in awe.

Sora shrugged, grinning. "I don't know! _Let's go check it out._"

"Yeah!"

It was only a quick sprint from one street to another two blocks over, cutting between the rubble of houses that the Restoration Committee had not yet gotten to. Amongst houses in worse shape than the rest they found the source of the explosion-slash-strong-magic.

The source was a young woman who might have only been a few years older than them. Aerith's age, probably. A young woman with blue hair, who was lowering her Keyblade. She was the source of the magic, Sora knew, though it was hard to peg how, exactly, he did know.

"Are the houses still alright?" she asked. "I hit one, didn't I?"

"I don't think you could make them much worse, Aqua!" the second person laughed—a boy, Sora's age, who at first glance Sora thought was Roxas. Then he rethought that, due to the way the boy seemed to pull at his chest. He knew who the boy was, he did, he was just more caught up on the girl right now. On Aqua.

"If you're sure…" she said.

Sora quickly dug into his pants pocket, then the other, realizing with a sinking gut that they were both empty of anything but his star shard. "Uhh…."

"What is it?" Kairi asked, turning to him.

"It's not in my pants! Wait, duh, I've changed clothes." He shook his head. Where had he _left it? _"Oh, I hope it's on my desk. Or in my other pants…" But his other pants had been through the wash. He gritted his teeth hard.

"What are you _talking _about?"

"There's this, uh, charm, thing, that I need to give to her. It, uh, it's a long story. But I might just—"

"Uh…. hello?" It was the boy—Sora knew his name, he did, it just wasn't coming to him right now—who called, though he and Aqua had both noticed them now. Sora swallowed the rest of his words. The charm could wait. Just a few minutes.

Kairi sent one last pressing look at Sora, then groaned and forced a smile. "Uh, yes, hi. Uh… Roxas?"

The boy blinked at her, then laughed and shook his head. "Oh! Oh, no, my name's Ven. Ventus, actually, but everyone calls me Ven." He grinned widely. "I've met Roxas though, and, yanno… see why you made the mistake. Replicas are weird…"

"I thought Roxas was a Replica of _you,_" Kairi said, turning to Sora.

Sora shrugged.

"Who are you two?" Aqua asked, slowly, though she was considering them with something much like surprise to see them, as if she knew them. Did she know them? Something was tugging at Sora's mind, a familiarity about her, but it was probably just residue magic from that charm.

"I'm Kairi, and that's Sora." Kairi sent another pressing glance at him. "We, uh, we saw that… uh… spell of yours…"

"Mega Flare," Aqua said, with a shrug. "It was probably too much for the amount of Heartless we were dealing with, but I… I was getting very tired of fighting them." She smiled apologetically, then Ven nudged her.

"Hey, no need to apologize to them! No one got hurt, Aqua, and what's the point of knowing all that magic if you never use it?"

"I never hope to _have _to use it, Ven,"

Aqua sent him a disapproving glare, so quickly Sora almost missed it. Sora's heart turned over a little in his chest. Even without having the charm on him, he could almost feel its effects. He fidgeted a little. Maybe he should just go get it now. They'd all understand.

"Sora, _seriously, _what is wrong?" Kairi asked.

"I just!" He rubbed his hands together, and tried not to stare so eagerly at Aqua. His heart was thumping hard in his chest. "I probably shouldn't make him wait. He wanted to—"

"He _who?_"

"I- oh." Sora looked nervously at Kairi, then at Ven, then at Aqua, breaking away from her gaze much quicker. He should probably stop babbling and explain himself. Introductions were out of the way, at least. He cleared his throat. "He, uh, it—A merchant in Agrabah forced this charm on me a while back and it, uh? I think it might be sentient? All I know is that it wants to talk to Aqua and I left it somewhere in my room and I feel bad."

Kairi was looking at him as if he'd grown a second head, which was funny, because this can't have been the strangest story he'd come back with after the past six months. Ven and Aqua exchanged looks, but Sora didn't know either of them well enough to know what exactly the looks meant. They both looked a little surprised, and maybe a little confused.

"It wants to talk to… _me?_" Aqua asked. Bewildered. She looked bewildered.

Sora nodded. "Yeah. It spoke to me. Said your name. And, I mean, I guess there could be more than one Aqua about the worlds but I also saw some… memories from it, or something, and it certainly looked like _you. _Plus, I think I saw you in Agrabah once—another time—just a glimpse of you in the crowd, and it _tugged _at me…"

Recognition lit in Aqua's eyes. "Wait, were you in Neverland, uh…" She paused, then looked at Ven. "How long ago was it? We were in Neverland and I thought I felt Terra… And then you stayed in Traverse Town for a bit…"

Ven shrugged. "Uh, a month or so ago?"

"I'm not sure about timing, but I think I was there," Sora said. "Did you feel a, a _tugging, _in your chest? Telling you that you needed to head somewhere. A tugging so strong it seemed to block out everything else—"

Aqua was nodding before he could finish. "Yes! Yes, I did."

Sora burst out with a laugh of triumph. "It was looking for you! He did want to talk to you! Here, if you hang on, I'll go—"

"Hold off on that, Sora," Kairi said. "We've got Heartless."

"We can take 'em!" Ven called, summoning his Keyblade and settling into a stance unlike any Sora had ever seen. Ven sent a giddy look at Aqua, and she rolled her eyes.

"Fine…" Aqua let out a deep breath and summoned her Keyblade. "Stand back, everyone. You too, Ven."

Ven grinned like a little kid on Christmas, and did as told, banishing his Keyblade as he did so. Sora and Kairi both moved back with him. Sora thought about summoning his Keyblade, but since Ven had banished his…

"No, don't do Mega Flare again!" Ven called. "Do something different! Like Fission Firaga! Is there too little for Ghost Drive?"

"Any idea what any of that means?" Kairi asked, in a hushed voice.

Sora shook his head.

Aqua let out an annoyed breath, and sent a glare over her shoulder. "Ven, I'm not going to _show off._" She turned her attention back to the Heartless, then raised her Keyblade. Power swelled around her, the Heartless moved forward, and then the power she was gathering very violently released, and the area was filled with light.

When the light finally faded and Sora had blinked most of the spots out of his eyes, all the Heartless were gone, and the nearby houses did look a little worse than they had before. Ven was running to clap Aqua on the back, bouncing with excitement.

"_Wow,_" Kairi whispered. She slowly moved up to Aqua, eyes wide. Sora hadn't seen her this awestruck since they were kids. "Can you teach me how to do that?"

Aqua pushed Ven away from her, then banished her Keyblade. She blinked a few times at Kairi. "I… can you wield a Keyblade?"

Kairi shook her head. "No! But that was just magic, wasn't it? I can learn that."

"W-Well…"

Sora cleared his throat. "Uh, hey! I'm gonna go get the charm now, okay? Maybe we should meet back at Aerith's house! You can show 'em back, right Kairi?"

"Sure thing, Sora."

"Actually, Sora," Ven trotted up to him. "Can I come with? I mean, I don't have to, but, I dunno…" He smiled and shrugged. Sora slowly shrugged as well.

"Yeah, alright," he said. "Don't see what it'll hurt. Here." He held out his star shard to Ven. Ven looked at it curiously, as if not sure what to do, entirely. "It's a star shard," Sora explained. "Just grab on."

"Oh, a star shard?" Ven brightened instantly. "Mickey had one of those!"

"You know Mickey!?"

Ven nodded. "Yeah, of course! Master Eraqus and his Master are—were really good friends, so we saw him pretty often. He, uh, also got me out of trouble a couple of times…" Ven laughed sheepishly and scratched the back of his head.

"That's, uh, that's Mickey for you," Sora agreed. He didn't know what to say about anything else Ven had said. "C'mon." He grabbed Ven by the wrist, then activated the star shard. The sooner he got that charm to Aqua, the better.

The star shard dropped them off in his room, just like he'd told it to. Immediately he flushed at the sight of it, realizing it was extremely messy, and in no fit state to have visitors. Oh well. Too late now. He let go of Ven and stepped over dirty clothes to his desk, apologizing about the mess as he went.

"Oh, that's alright. My room's usually this messy, too!" Ven chuckled. "Or, it used to be. No telling how it looks now. Haven't seen it in seven years."

Sora looked up from his desk—the charm was not there—and stared at Ven for a moment. "…_What?_"

"Ah, long story," Ven said. "Short version is that home got sucked up by darkness, or that's what Aqua said happened, and we can't reach it now. As for the seven years—hang on, Sora, you should _know! _I spent all that time with _you!_"

It took a second for Ven's words to register, but once they did, the tug in his chest one he'd seen Ven made sense. He only vaguely remembered the night of starry skies and a voice that echoed only in his mind, that Kairi had called him crazy for because she couldn't hear, but he _did _remember it. Ven had come, in the form of fragmented light, asking for a place to rest, and Sora had offered his heart.

"Thanks for that, by the way," Ven said, very quietly.

Sora nodded, and started towards his dresser. "Yeah, sure. No big." The fact that his heart hadn't been a safe resting place in the end hung in the air around him. No telling what that spill with the darkness had done for Ven. He hoped it hadn't been too bad… He just couldn't bring himself to mention it.

"Anyway, what are we looking for? I might as well help, if I'm here."

"It's uh, star-shaped," Sora explained. "Orange. About this big?" He put his fingers together in the rough circumference of the charm, and held his hands up to Ven so he could see.

"Sounds like Terra's wayfinder…."

"Hmm?"

"Does it look like this?" Ven rummaged in his pocket and then produced a star-shaped charm that was absolutely identical to the one Sora'd been carrying, except this was green, and not orange. Sora gaped a moment, then nodded.

"Aqua made us all one," Ven explained, pocketing his charm. His… wayfinder. "Wonder how a merchant in Agrabah ended up with Terra's…"

Sora shrugged. He had no clue, except maybe that it had something to do with the spell that was attached to the charm. He sent one last rueful look at his dresser. "Well, it looks like it ended up in one of these piles of dirty clothes." _Hopefully. _"I'll, uh, just look on my own."

Ven nodded. "That's fair."

Sora bent down and started rummaging through the piles for his old pants. "Who's Terra?" he asked, as he searched. Why wasn't the charm _calling _to him? It was very unlike it, given all its other behavior…

"A friend," Ven answered.

Sora wondered if Terra was the one who'd spoken through the charm. It probably was. But what did that mean for Ven's friend? Why did he want so badly to talk to Aqua, specifically? Sora let out a long breath and moved to another pile.

"Hey, Sora. Try there."

Ven pointed.

"Why there?"

Ven shrugged.

"Just a feeling."

If Sora knew the charm at all, he knew not to ignore a feeling like that. He moved to where Ven was pointing, and sure enough, pulled his old pair of pants out from under more recent dirty laundry. In the pockets along with the charm were a handful of potions just past their expiration date… _How _had he forgotten to have his mom wash these pants?

"Here it is!" he declared, getting his feet, and moving to Ven. He held the charm—the _wayfinder, _had Ven called it?—out to Ven, seeing as he probably had more of a right to hold it than Sora.

Ven hardly glanced at it. His eyes were very firmly fixed on Sora's face.

"Ven…?"

"…_Vanitas._"

Ven hesitantly reached out and placed his hand to Sora's chest. The touch—along with the name—sent a jolt through Sora. Something yanked in his chest, _hard, _and it wasn't the charm's magic.

"N-_No!_" Sora found himself shouting, before he realized it.

Anger flared across Ven's features. "I think I'd know where the other half of my heart is!" he shouted back.

The words seemed to reverberate through the room, and through Sora's chest. A half-formed denial still burned on his lips. Something bubbled in the back of his mind.

Then the anger fled from Ven's face, and was rapidly replaced with dread. "I… I'm so sorry," he stammered. He was shaking. "I- I didn't mean that. I… Can I sit down?" He staggered backwards before Sora answered, falling into Sora's bed. He looked about ready to be sick. Sora couldn't say he didn't feel the same.

"I… I'm sorry…" Ven said, very slowly, with his eyes closed. "There was just something… something tugging at me since the moment you showed up, and I couldn't place what it was until just now… _Vanitas…_" The name was a whisper on his lips. "After all this time, I thought—"

Sora swallowed hard, heart pounding. Ven's whispered _Vanitas _rang through his ears, warring with a frantic protest of _no, no no no! _Tears welled up in his eyes, and he couldn't say from where, and he was _scared._

"Wh- what—_Who's Vanitas?_"

Ven looked up startled, and stared horrified for a moment. "Oh, no, Sora, please don't cry! I'm _sorry. _I- I didn't mean it, really, I was just… It's just been…" His mouth worked for words he clearly did not want to say. Sora scrubbed at his cheeks. _Why _was he crying? _What _was churning in the back of his mind?

"Just- just tell me who Vanitas is," he choked. "_Please._"

Ven stared at him a moment longer, then nodded. "Yes. I'm sorry." He wrung his hands together. Laughed weakly. "Vanitas… Vanitas was the darkness split from me by Xehanort. I- I had to fight him, and… I thought I killed him, but…" There was a hope burning in his eyes, and for some reason, it was that hope that scared Sora more than anything else. "That _felt _like him. Whatever just happened, between the two of us… Only _he's _pulled at my chest like that."

Sora swallowed again. His mouth felt very dry, all of a sudden. He didn't dare voice his thoughts—didn't dare tell Ven that he recognized the yank as well, and the only person to have ever pulled at his chest like that was…

…his Shadow.

"You think… you think V-Vanitas is in _here?_" Sora asked, thumping his chest.

Ven shrugged. "I was in there. He could have been… In fact…" Ven hesitated a long moment. "In fact, I… I think I met him. Maybe. The details are all fuzzy. But I think I met someone who _looked _like him… who _felt _like him… He just kept saying that he _wasn't… _I dunno…"

Memories swirled through Sora's head, memories like that of his Shadow's, though these were more like a half-recalled dream. Vivid only for a second or two, then the rest a blur. He thought he saw Ven's face in them.

"What- what did he look like?"

"Spitting image of Vanitas," Ven replied. "Your face. Darker hair. Gold eyes."

The breath caught in Sora's lungs.

"I think it was just because your heart and mine were connected," Ven said, rapidly. "That's why he looked like you. I can't think of any other reason."

"Oh, no, I… my Shadow…"

"Your what?"

"He looked just like that…."

Ven's eyes narrowed curiously at him. "What's a… Shadow?"

"A… A _Sheto._" The word still brought images to his mind. Someone laughing. Someone drowning in darkness. He wet his lips. "He… He told me he was a creature created to drag me into darkness, but heck if I know how much of that was true…"

"You say he looked just like Vanitas…?"

Sora nodded.

"Do you- do you think he… _was?_"

Sora shrugged. Shook his head. He was still crying. "I don't know. I don't think so." Something within him was screaming. _They weren't the same. _But how was he supposed to know that for sure? "I never met Vanitas, though," he said. "No way of… knowing…"

"Guess not…" Ven agreed, with a slow nod of his head. Then he forced a smile on his lips. "Well, forget about that for now. We gotta get Terra's wayfinder to Aqua! You said he had a message, didn't you?"

"Oh, yeah!" Sora nodded as enthusiastically as he could manage. The charm seemed warmer in his hand. "It's probably really important." He tried to put the thoughts of his Shadow and of Vanitas out of his mind. It wasn't something he could worry about now. "Let's go?" He offered a hand out to Ven.

"Of course!"

Sora pulled Ven to his feet and activated the star shard.


	29. In which Aqua finally receives a message

**AN/ **If you haven't yet read ASASch82, you may want to! Oh, and ASASch35 along with ASASch10! They further explain things Aqua will mention in this chapter.

* * *

The walk was pestered with constant questions and pleas from Kairi, asking where Aqua had learned all this, asking if she could be taught. Aqua took it all with tongue-in-cheek, not quite sure how to say she wasn't sure if she even knew how to _teach _magic. Magic had always just been second nature to her. Besides, while Kairi showed some potential for it, she seemed to lack… control.

They only ran into two separate groups of Heartless on the way, and Aqua had let Kairi take care of them both. In part because she didn't want to fight, and in part to get a better judge of Kairi's grasp on magic. It was that of a beginner's, and while the strength of it was impressive, Aqua was surprised Kairi didn't burn herself half the time when she cast Fire. Kairi's light attacks were even stronger, but had even less control, and if she kept going like that, she was going to burn herself out.

"So, that's a no to teaching me how to do cool magic, isn't it?" Kairi asked, as she studied Aqua.

Aqua shrugged, not wanting to sound mean, but having to turn her down. "I think… I think you need more practice on what you know already, first," she told Kairi. _Not to mention I don't have the luxury of free time…_

"Guess I can't blame you for that," Kairi mumbled, then took a trotting run up to the house that loomed before them. "C'mon, we're here!" She waited for Aqua to join her, then threw the door open and headed inside.

Introductions were done and through with in short order. Riku was the boy on the couch reading, Namine was the girl sitting on the same couch as (but not next to) Riku, drawing. Yuffie had been called down from upstairs, and Aerith was the one who did most of the introducing. She mentioned a Leon and a Cid, but Aqua hadn't been paying attention when Aerith mentioned where they were, and was too embarrassed about zoning out to ask for clarification.

"Forgive me if this sounds strange, Aqua," Aerith said, when she'd finished introducing everyone. "Do I know you…? I feel like I met someone in the past with your face and name, but then again, that had to have been at least seven years ago, and my memories could just be hazy."

The words _seven years _made Aqua's heart stop in her chest. She had to take two deep breaths before she felt she was calm enough to speak without her voice hitching.

"That… was probably me…" she said, very carefully. She only just remembered bumping into Aerith—a younger Aerith—by chance in Radiant Garden all those years ago. The memory really only stood out because she'd spent the better part of an afternoon discussing various different healing methods with the girl's mother. "I've, uh… been gone, for seven years."

The words had only just left her lips when Kairi jolted next to her. "Hey, hang on! Seven years ago, you were on the Islands, weren't you." It hardly sounded like a question, with the way she spoke. "You gave Sora the Keyblade. I _knew _I recognized you!"

Aqua sighed, and nodded. She remembered that meeting much better than the meeting with Aerith—but passing a boy who probably hadn't been ready for it a Keyblade was not an easy memory to forget. Sora seemed alright now that she'd met him, but Mickey had mentioned some… unsettling things about the boy, and the darkness… Oh well. Nothing she could do to change that now. It wasn't like she could go back in time and _not _give him the Keyblade.

"I, uh, don't want to be rude but you've—aged well," Kairi said, licking her lips and avoiding Aqua's eyes. Aqua sighed again. That, at least, was a question she'd been expecting. Aerith had looked about ready to say something of the same.

"I'm not so sure I _did _age," Aqua explained, wishing she did not have to, or at the very least, that Ven was here. He was like a rock to steady her—or, perhaps a voice of encouragement would better describe him. Terra had been her rock. "I… I was in the Realm of Darkness, and time passes… _differently, _there."

"Realm of Darkness? Where's that?" Yuffie asked. She'd moved to lean against the rail of the staircase.

Aerith shot her a warning glance. "_Yuffie,_" she scolded, quietly.

"Yeah, geeze Yuffie," Riku butt in. Behind his book was a lopsided smirk. "If you're going to ask border-line rude questions, ask good ones. What were you _doing _in the Realm of Darkness, Aqua?"

Aerith shot _him _a warning look, while Kairi chuckled and plopped herself down on the couch between him and Namine. Aqua blinked in surprise, not sure how to respond to _any _of what had just been exchanged. Her lungs felt constricted, though, and she wished more now than ever that Ven was here to help her out.

After a shuddering breath to compose herself, Aqua managed to say the words: "I don't really want to talk about it…"

It was easier to think about than it had been… months ago, she thought, though she'd been having trouble judging time since leaving the Dark Realm. Anyway. It was easier now than it had been to think about Terra, and the state she'd last seen him in. It was easier to think about that final battle with Xehanort, _but,_ it was still not pleasant to think about, and it was certainly not something she wanted to divulge to people she'd only just met.

They didn't have any need to know that Xehanort had simply gotten fed up with fighting her and had sent her to the Realm of Darkness to get rid of her. They didn't need to know that his actions not only turned her attempts to save Terra and Ven both on ends, but also condemned her to what had felt like an eternity wandering the Dark Realm and endlessly fighting Heartless. No, that was something they certainly did not need to know.

To Aqua's immense relief, no one pressed her into answering, though. She was glad.

"Well, would you like something to drink, Aqua?" Aerith asked. "You could probably use a glass of water…" She was already moving towards the kitchen.

"Uhm, yes, that would… be nice," Aqua said.

"Can you get me some, too?" Kairi asked.

"Mmhmm!"

"Please and thank you!"

Aqua stood there for a moment, trying to relax her shoulders, and feeling very awkward. Perhaps she should sit down? The other couch was completely empty, so it wasn't like there was nowhere to sit… Yes, she should probably sit down.

"So, what brings you here, Aqua?" Aerith asked.

Aqua cleared her throat, making herself comfortable on the couch. "Well… me and Ven have just been… traveling the worlds and fighting what Heartless we find," she said. Riku looked like he wanted to get back to his book, and Namine was still idly sketching, but Kairi's attention was on Aqua. Aqua tried to look at her as she spoke, though she did glance into the kitchen a few times, seeing as Aerith and Kairi were the ones most interested in what she was saying. "I… We've heard something about some group called 'Organization 13'—"

"They're dead." Riku looked up from his book for just a second, scowling faintly. "Or… they are now. I should know. I killed two thirds of them. Dunno who got the other third, but it was probably Sora."

That didn't quite come as a surprise. Mickey had mentioned something about them, briefly—Aqua'd meant to ask him for more details, but he'd been too eager to tell her about Xehanort, and subsequently, Terra, and that news had made her forget to ask about this Organization.

Kairi grinned, looking very pleased with herself. "Yeah, they're plans are _toast!_"

Riku elbowed her. "You hardly helped."

She stuck her tongue out at him.

Aqua laughed faintly at the sight of it.

Aerith spoke from the kitchen: "Well, Aqua, if you and Ven would like a place to stay—this town has been seeing a lot of new residents, lately, and I think there's room for you if you'd like. Certainly there's a house around in at least _decent _condition…"

It took Aqua a second to realize that Aerith seemed to be implying _permanently, _and when she did realize that, she laughed. "Oh! Thank you, but, no, we're still…" She licked her lips. "We don't really intend to, ah, _settle down _any time soon. We're still looking for Terra… and for Xehanort…"

She knew that those were much one in the same thing, unless anything about Terra's situation had changed. She was hoping, _hoping _that Terra might have found a way to escape Xehanort, and was just too weak or too injured to come find her. Or that they were just missing each other as they went through the worlds. But she knew chances of that _really _being the case were slim to none. Terra had had seven years to escape Xehanort, and if he hadn't figured it out by now…

Yuffie let out a sharp laugh. "Xehanort's been gone for, like, four years now," she said, sauntering up to partial wall that divided the kitchen from the front room and leaning up against it, arms folded tightly over her chest. "And _good riddance _to him."

"Actually, uh…" Aqua stopped before she got any further, not sure if she should finish. On one hand, it wasn't like she _had _to correct Yuffie, and tell her that Xehanort was coming back. On the other, considering the way she spoke of him, perhaps she would rather know. Aqua took a deep breath, and finished. "Xehanort's coming back."

Aerith dropped both glasses she was bringing out. She managed to fumble and catch one, but not the other, and the first still spilled water all down the front of her. Aerith winced. "Sorry! Sorry…" She hugged the glass tightly to her chest.

Aqua started to her feet to help, except Riku was already picking up the glass Aerith dropped. It would be better if she let him help, most likely, seeing as he lived here. From the grimace he gave the glass, it was broken. He took it and the other glass from Aerith's hands, then said something to her that Aqua couldn't here.

"Is he _really?_" Yuffie demanded. Aqua did her best to shift her attention to her.

"Yes… that's what Mickey told me," Aqua answered.

"I can second that," Namine said, eyes averted. "If the other universe is anything to go by, anyway… Me and Riku have known about this for a while…"

"Why didn't _you _mention?" Yuffie demanded, rounding on her.

She winced. "Forgot?"

"There were a lot of other things going on when we found out!" Riku added, from where he was in the kitchen. Aqua frowned, certainly curious. Especially about… another _universe? _She didn't have time to really think on it, though, or to ask, not that she was sure she wanted to.

"Whoooo is Xehanort?" Kairi asked, drawing her words out.

"A very, _very _bad man," Aerith said. One hand was over her heart, and the other to her lips, and she appeared to be clutching herself very tightly, not to mention leaning against the wall for support. Yuffie inched closer to her. Namine got up and skirted around them, heading to a door in the wall behind Aqua, though that was all Aqua saw before she stopped watching.

"He was _evil,_" Yuffie added, very firmly, her expression even more sour than it had been seconds ago. "Like, _legitimately _evil, and I'm pretty sure he's why this world fell into darkness in the first place. I _know _Leon says we don't have any proof but we also all know that it's just something he would do."

Aqua closed her eyes and sighed deeply. There was no point in saying anything, nothing to add, really, because none of that was wrong. It was still saddening to think of how much Xehanort—how much Terra—had hurt everyone, though.

"I'm sorry…" she whispered.

"Hey, what? Don't be!" Yuffie laughed. "It's not like it's _your _fault."

_Well, I could've tried harder to stop him… _Aqua thought, but did not say._ If I just hadn't been so afraid of hurting Terra… Or if I'd tried harder to save Terra before then…_

Kairi got to her feet, then, to help Namine. Namine'd brought towels to help clean up the water. Aerith shifted out of the way, and dried herself off with a quick blast of Aero. Aqua laughed at that, though she couldn't say she hadn't done it once or twice before, and Ven did it… constantly. Though, him and wind was another thing entirely.

Speaking of Ven—he'd just arrived. It was hard to miss his presence, when his heart was bursting with light as it was. Kairi and the other Princesses of Heart were the only people she'd ever met to rival it, but her sensitivity to Ven came more from having lived with him for so long. She could peg Terra's presence in a heartbeat, too, along with Master Eraqus's. Or, she _could have_ pegged Master Eraqus's, back when he was still…

Her hand moved to her pocket, where the Keychain for his Keyblade was. It'd been there ever since she'd found it abandoned in the Land of Departure.

"Here! I got it!" Sora pushed the door open hard enough it slammed against the wall. His grin split his entire face, and he held what suspiciously looked like Terra's wayfinder in his hands. There was a certain… tug, about it, too. Not just in the way that it tugged on her mind—_she really should probably go take it_—but a pull on her heart, as well. A pull that felt like…

"Whoa, hey!"

She did not realize where she was standing until Sora was deftly moving the charm out of her reach and sliding out of her way. Aqua blinked a few times, and took a step backwards and away from Sora.

"Sorry," she said.

"It's alright." His eyes were burning. He held Terra's wayfinder behind his back. "I get it. He's eager. But the message—it's private, I think. And you don't want to miss it. And I don't know if he'll just burst out with it the moment you're holding this thing. Do you want to go outside, or…?"

"We could always leave the room," Aerith was offering, before Aqua could respond.

"What's this about a message?" Riku asked.

"Something Sora was going on about, I don't really know," Kairi answered.

"I… Going outside will probably be better…" Aqua said, very slowly. The tug on her mind was still strong, but it was nothing compared to what she felt beating in her chest. Terra. She felt Terra. It was almost as if he was standing in the room, except it wasn't strong enough to describe it like that. The presence was faint, just a whisper of him, just an echo. And it was coming from his wayfinder.

"Ven?" Sora said, handing the wayfinder for him to take.

"It's not going to go off if I touch it, will it?"

"No! No, it's for Aqua."

"Of course…" Ven took the wayfinder, a pout on his face—the one he always got when they were teasing him about being young (not that he was really, that young, or much younger than them). "C'mon, Aqua. Let's see what Terra's dying to tell you."

There was a bite to his voice, but Aqua hardly heard it, just as she did not hear what anyone said as she and Ven slipped outside. The tug in her mind was persistent, and she wanted to grab Terra's wayfinder out of Ven's hands, except that was childish, and she knew there was no point in it. She'd hold it and hear the message soon enough. They found a semi-secluded spot off to the side, in the shadow of one of the mostly completed houses, and settled themselves on the ground.

"Ready?" Ven asked. He held the wayfinder out for Aqua to grab.

Aqua hesitated just a second, then nodded. "Yeah."

The moment her fingers touched it, it sparked to life, and energy surged through her. A voice spoke. Terra's voice.

_"I'm ready."_

_ "Good, because I already started!"_

Aqua and Ven exchanged glances. _That _sounded like the voice of an old woman.

_"What?" _Terra again. "_Aw, man, alright. I, uh…_"

_"Don't waste your time, boy!"_

_ "Stop distracting me! Look, I… Aqua… Aqua. I'm sorry. That's what I wanted to say. That's why I'm doing this. I wanted you to know I'm sorry, and I'm not so sure I'll have the chance to tell you next time we speak."_

They certainly hadn't, if said "next time" was the one she thought he was referring to. Maybe if she hadn't been so hasty to ask about Eraqus. If she'd heard him out…

_"I'm… I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. I'm sorry I didn't come to you for help. I just thought I could handle the darkness on my own. I thought I knew what I was doing. Thought I could trust Xehanort!" _He laughed, sharply, bitterly. Aqua thought she heard the old woman scoff, as well, but Terra was talking again before she was certain. "_He's been leading me along this whole time. I don't know what for, but I can _feel_ the grip he has on my heart._"

Ven gasped. Aqua closed her eyes. She knew all this, now, but it was nice to hear Terra say it, nice to hear him say he didn't want this. She hadn't, _exactly, _thought he had, but seven years in the Realm of Darkness gave you a very long time to think about things, and more than enough time to start to question.

"_And, don't tell Ven this, but, Aqua, I'm _terrified. _I've got one of those feelings—you know how I used to get? When we were younger? I can't make heads or tails of it, like always, but… Something horrible is going to happen. I can feel it. I'm sure of it. But if I don't go, he'll kill you, and if I do go…_"

He paused, just a second.

"_If I do go… I don't know what will happen. I don't know what will happen, really, to me or to you or to Ven. I don't know. I just know it doesn't feel good. And I don't know how to stop it. And I'm sorry. Tell Ven I'm sorry, too._

_"And if I can't stop what Xehanort's planning, then- Then do whatever it takes to stop him. And I mean whatever it takes. Even if it means—me. Getting rid of me. Better that than the future I feel coming. Anything would be better. I'm so sorry."_

There was a long pause. Aqua shifted, expecting that to be the end of it. There was certainly a finality in Terra's tone. But then the old woman spoke.

_"Done?"_

_ "Yeah. Done. You sure it'll get to her?"_

_ "Positive! I know what I'm doing. My magic will ensure it reaches her—eventually."_

_ "Eventually?"_

_ "Better than never, isn't it? Now come on! Where's my munny?"_

It cut off abruptly there, before the woman's voice had quite finished the final word. Aqua took a very deep breath. Relief flooded her, abruptly and so strongly she was not sure it was her own. Relief from what? _That the message was delivered, _her mind supplied, immediately.

Sure enough, the lack of a tug towards the wayfinder was a relief, and Aqua could feel the magic that bound the message to it fading, but there was more to the relief than that. (Spells couldn't _feel, _anyway.) And even though the magic was fading, the presence she knew as Terra's did not.

"What did he mean, Aqua?" Ven asked, nudging her and distracting her from her thoughts. "About that feeling? I never knew he got… _feelings _about things."

"He hasn't since we were both kids," Aqua answered, distractedly, her mind not really in the answer. "He used to get feelings about people, and places, and they always turned out right. Master Eraqus was really interested in them, but… something happened, and Terra stopped getting them almost entirely."

"Right." That was all Ven said. For having just heard about this, he was taking it pretty solidly. Normally he was a well of questions, but he didn't ask any more about Terra's powers of not-really-at-all foresight. "Who do you think that woman was?" Ven asked, instead.

Aqua shook her head. Besides the fact that the woman was a skilled magician, she had no clue. She was trying to get a feel of the spell that had been cast on Terra's wayfinder—but it was much too advanced for Aqua to make sense of. She'd studied magic, studied all sorts of magic, but never something like this. The fact that it had almost faded certainly made it harder to get a sense of.

Ven seemed to mistake her silence for distress. "Hey. We'll find him. You know that." Ven smiled at her. "We made it out okay. He will too, bad feeling or no."

"Yeah, I know." Aqua nodded. She knew that very well. It had been her decision to look for Terra, a promise to herself to bring him back, to make up for not saving him to begin with. She got to her feet.

"Let's head back, yeah?" Ven said, joining her. "I think I want to tell Sora about the message—well, not like, everything Terra said, but… Something. He seemed to really care about it."

Aqua nodded again, to say she understood, to say she was okay with that. Ven ran ahead of her. Aqua walked more slowly, then stopped entirely, looking down at Terra's wayfinder in her hands, something occurring to her. Why _did _she feel his presence coming from it, anyway? She'd been too distracted by the tug and the spell and the message to really ponder it, but now the message had been heard and her mind was clear. It can't have been the spell, could it, muddling her senses? Tricking her into thinking she felt Terra, when all she felt was something that had been recorded? Or maybe it was just because he'd carried the wayfinder for so long….

It had to be just that. Anything else was impossible.

"Aqua?" Ven stopped at the door to Aerith's house. "You coming?"

"What? Yes. I'm coming."


	30. In which Ven is disgruntled

**AN/ **Sorry I didn't get this up sooner! I've been really distracted, also my sister's in town, and, uh, I'm starting to see the reason why my update schedule has stayed at "roughly 5 days" for so long. Anyway! If you want to keep an eye on updates / why there hasn't been one, check the "ftpverse updates" tag on my tumblr, or the FtPverse blogspot

* * *

With Aqua and Ven outside, and the mess cleaned up, Riku headed back for the couch and his book. He saw Sora send a slightly wistful glance at the door, then Sora went to Kairi and asked her if they could talk, and then they headed upstairs. Whatever. Yuffie was still grumbling about Xehanort, and while Aerith was distressed, she seemed certainly in no mood to talk about it, so Riku left her alone.

Namine joined him on the couch after a minute—at the other end of it, of course—picking up her sketchbook again. Things between them were better, but still… shaky. If Riku had better sense, he'd say it was because neither of them was sure what to do. He did know for certain that they were avoiding the old patterns, and that he did not like these new ones, and Namine did not seem to either. But what was he supposed to do about that? He'd probably have to talk to Aerith again, except now wasn't the time, and if they ended up talking about anything tonight, he had a feeling it might be about Xehanort.

Speaking of…

Riku rubbed at the corners of his book, then nodded to himself. He checked to see that neither Yuffie nor Aerith were quite in earshot. They weren't, or, Riku doubted Yuffie would hear them over her pacing and mumbling, and even though Aerith was pretty close in the kitchen, she wouldn't hear if he was quiet. He scooted closer to Namine.

"Any idea what that message thing was? Sora and Kairi didn't explain."

She glanced up at him, just as if to register he was there, and then avoiding his gaze as soon as she could. Riku tried not to be too bothered—she did do it with everyone. Not just him. It was unfortunate, but it wasn't something he could fix, so he shouldn't worry too much about it. That's what he told himself.

"No..." Namine answered, with a shrug. She fingered one of her pencils, but didn't move to make a mark on her page.

"Could you… draw a picture?" Riku didn't look at her as he asked. He knew he shouldn't be this nosy, and knew it was even worse to use Namine's abilities like this. But all this distaste about Xehanort had him on edge, and an urgent message… No, there was no use trying to hide it. He was just nosy.

Namine glared at him. "No. That's rude. Besides, it wouldn't work… It's not about you, and… Honestly, I haven't been able to draw pictures like that since I was… Rewritten."

"Oh."

"_Yeah…_"

Riku slowly shifted away from her and opened his book back up. He shouldn't be nosy. He couldn't talk to Aerith now. He had no idea what to do with Namine. Letting out a long breath, he started reading again.

**xxx**

Ven trotted up the stairs two at a time, after being told Sora was up here talking with Kairi. (In his excitement, he did not stop to consider the implications of that.) He didn't understand Terra's message as well as Aqua had seemed to, but he understood apologies well enough, and understood that he didn't really think Terra had anything to apologize for. It was Xehanort's fault, not Terra's. Xehanort had tricked and manipulated all of them. Ven had been put in a similar position, himself.

Thankfully, forging then destroying Chi-blade had been an option, and a success. It had only cost him Vanitas.

Then again, maybe it hadn't. _Sora—_

"I'm just, _pissed, _Kairi, if anything!"

—was shouting about something. Ven stopped about three feet from the room he knew Sora to be in. (If Sora's yelling was not enough to tell him, the slight tug on his chest was.) He frowned at the door, knowing he probably shouldn't interrupt, _but…_

"I know why he thinks what he thinks," Sora continued. He sounded angrier than Ven had heard him all day. And was Sora talking about _him? _"But, I just, I don't think it's _right. _It can't be!"

"Sora, come on." Kairi only sounded impatient. "You need to cut this out. Fight the darkness or whatever it is that's making you so…" She made some vague noise that Ven thought she meant to finish conveying her point with. _He _didn't understand it, but then again, he was eavesdropping.

"I know! _I'm trying. _Don't think I'm not trying."

Ven stood there a second, debating whether or not he should… He should probably go back downstairs, and just talk to Sora later, but this seemed to be a lull in the conversation, and the tug in his chest drew him to Sora, whether he wanted it to or not. He moved towards the room, raising his hand to push the partially-shut door open.

He felt the chill pass through him before he heard Sora speak.

"Ohh, no, not now. Not _now._"

"What?" Kairi asked.

"Go _away, _Ventus, I know you're there."

Ven's breath caught in his lungs, but he forced himself to keep breathing, forced himself not to think about the way Sora said _Ventus, _when no one said his full name. He tried not to think about how familiar the sound of Sora's voice shaping around his name was, either.

"I just, uh…" Ven coughed and cleared his throat. He should really listen, and leave, but the pull of his heart and Sora's made it hard. "I thought you might want to hear about the message…?"

"Now's probably not a good time, Ven, no offense," Kairi said, poking her head out around the door.

"That's- That's fi—"

"Wait, the message? Oh! _Oh yeah!_" Sora was suddenly there, opening the door and putting himself next to Kairi, smiling widely. If Ven was honest, he'd say Sora sounded like a completely different person. "Was it good news? …It wasn't good news, was it?"

Sora's face fell as he considered Ven, though Ven wasn't sure what kind of face he was making, and highly doubted it had anything to do with Terra's message. He put his best smile back on his lips.

"It, uh, was hardly news. Really just an apology." As he said it, Ven realized that he wasn't quite sure _what _he'd intended to tell Sora about the message. None of what Terra said was anything Sora would understand or, really, exactly, care about. He just thought Sora should know. He just wanted to…

Ven hastily put that thought out of his mind.

Sora nodded, somehow looking understanding. Kairi stood there with her arms folded over her chest, considering Ven with an obviously thin patience, and Sora with a look Ven was confused to read as distrust. Perhaps it had something to do with the yelling, but, no, that wasn't his business.

"It was from your friend, right? Terra?" Sora asked. "How is he? Don't give me that look, Kairi, I carried that charm in my pocket for like a month and I'm _pretty sure _he talked to me! I'm curious."

Kairi rolled her eyes and held up her hands.

Ven nodded at Sora, affirming it was Terra. "He's… Well…" Ven almost said _alright _before he caught himself—a liar he was not, not if he didn't have to be. "He's with Xehanort," he said. That was truth, and would explain most of it. "We think, still. Xehanort was… kinda using his body."

"Xehanort," Sora said. Kairi's mouth turned downward. "Who's that? You're like the, uh… fifth person to have mentioned him." The way he paused made it sound like he'd actually taken the time to count.

"Wow. Not even a blink at the mention of Xehanort using his body?"

Sora shrugged and smiled uneasily. Kairi's face hardened like a rock. They both exchanged sidelong glances, and Sora shrugged, and Kairi's face softened. A little. She didn't look any happier, though.

"I guess you could say I know enough about Xehanort to not be surprised by that," Sora said. "But I still only have the vaguest idea who he is, and I'd kinda really like to know more!"

"All I got when I asked earlier was 'very evil, plunged a world into darkness'," Kairi added. Despite how angry she looked, she did look curious.

Ven laughed a little. That wasn't exactly an _in_accurate description of Xehanort. "Well, he was a Keyblade Master, and well-respected one, I think. He was also, like, crazy old." That seemed like a good place to start. Both Sora and Kairi were listening attentively. Ven rubbed at his chin, thinking of what else to say. "I think he was power hungry, or something, and I don't think he cared who he hurt to reach his goals. He was a cruel master, too."

If he and Terra and Aqua weren't enough to prove that, then Vanitas was. Ven tried not to dwell long on the memories of Vanitas's that sat in his head (they made him sick if he thought about them too hard) but he was familiar enough with them to know Xehanort had been the exact opposite of kind when training Vanitas. That in mind, he watched Sora closely as he finished. He wouldn't press, but he couldn't help but be curious if the mention of Xehanort being a cruel master sparked anything in Sora. It didn't seem to….

"He's also coming back," Kairi added, after a second. "Aqua mentioned that earlier, and it seems pretty important." Her eyes glinted, and she nudged Sora. "So much for that break from being a hero, huh?"

Sora laughed as he pushed her away. "Nah, that's alright! I got a month off, didn't I? Besides, it's not like I did much world-saving last time around, guess I gotta make up for it this time!"

"Sure, but no leaving me behind!"

"I didn't mean to the first time!"

Ven rubbed his hands together, smiling uneasily. He wasn't sure what to say, and very suddenly felt like he was intruding. He coughed. "I, uh, I think I'm gonna go back down—"

"Yeah, sure!" Kairi said. "Me and Sora probably need to head back home soon, anyway, or our parents aren't gonna be happy, so…"

Ven nodded. Parents. He and Terra and Aqua were all orphans, so he didn't really know what parents were like. The closest he had to a parent was Master Eraqus. Oh well. That wasn't his place to say anything. He waved and said a partial goodbye and headed downstairs, though he got the feeling that Sora and Kairi wouldn't be far behind.

"Hey Ven!" Aqua called. "Do you mind if we stay here for the night?"

Ven hesitated a second. "Uh, no, of course not," he said. "Is there room?"

"It's fine," Aerith assured him. "So long as you don't mind sharing a room with Aqua."

Ven made sure to smile at her. "Oh, yeah, I'm okay with that!" He and Aqua had been sleeping next to each other on the ground for the past couple months as they'd been traveling, after all, or sharing a room when they stopped someplace with an inn or hotel. Of course it was no big deal.

He was just glad Sora didn't live here. How he would've survived the night with Vanitas calling to him from Sora's heart, he wasn't sure.


	31. In which Kairi maybe makes a discovery?

**AN/ **ASASch84 goes with this, but you may want to wait until you've read this first to go read that!

* * *

Kairi was beginning to think it was not just the darkness affecting Sora. Probably. The darkness would explain the angry outbursts and the way Sora kept avoiding her at times. It would even explain the way he got absolutely furious at the slightest mention of his parents. But there was… something else. Something she couldn't _quite _put her finger on, but something she knew could not simply be residual darkness.

But what? She could do all the research she wanted on her dad's computer, but only half the resources accounted for magic and monsters and darkness, and none of them seemed to line up with whatever was going on with Sora. The only "experts" she really knew were Tifa and Cloud, and they did not see Sora every day, did not see the shifts in his eyes and in his behavior, so they couldn't tell her anything of use. Kairi supposed she could take Sora to see them, but that would require staying with them long enough for Sora to… start acting strange around them, and that could take weeks. Her dad might be okay with her being gone for weeks again, but Sora's parents definitely wouldn't be.

She was on her way to Sora's house now, though not exactly for any specific reason. Maybe she'd try talking to him again about what was going on, maybe she wouldn't. Really, she just wanted to hang out. She was thinking they should go down to the play island today. Go swimming.

Kairi knocked on Sora's front door, though she knew it was unlocked and she could probably just barge in. Sora's parents didn't like her doing that, though, and even if they weren't home, old habits died hard. After a moment, she glared, and knocked again.

"Sora?" she called, for extra measure. After another moment, she sighed. "You better not be doing something embarrassing for your sake! I'm—"

"I'm coming!" Sora called. A pit formed in Kairi's stomach, and it only got worse when Sora opened the door—only just enough to see her, and he didn't look very happy to. "Yeah? What do you want?" He sounded eager to be rid of her.

"I was hoping we could go swimming," Kairi said, evenly. She would deal with him when he was like this, because she had to, because if she did not she'd never figure out what was wrong. There had to be something she was missing.

"Uhh…. Nope. I'm busy." Sora drummed his fingers against the doorframe. "My, uh, mom gave me a lot of… chores to do."

Kairi did her best to keep the glare off her face. Getting angry only made Sora more unreasonable when he was like this—was it Sora? No, no, that was silly. It couldn't be anyone else.

"Well, I could always help," she suggested. "It'd be more fun that way." If only he would move, so she could step inside the house. Then he wouldn't be able to get rid of her.

Sora took a deep breath, glaring death at her before he masked it with something… less hateful. _Seriously, _what was wrong with him? "I don't think my, uh, mom would be very happy about that."

"She doesn't have to know."

"She could be home any minute."

Kairi frowned. "Sora… It's Thursday. She's teaching her sewing class from now until just before dinner." Had he forgotten? She admitted she had trouble keeping track of the days sometimes, but even as she reminded him, it sparked no recognition in his eyes.

"Oh," was all he said.

"Are you going to let me in or not, Sora?" Her patience was wearing thin. Not that that was hard, when he treated her like this. "This is ridiculous."

He wouldn't quite look at her. His fingers tapped a furious rhythm against the wall. "Uh, no, I really think I should, uh, I need to do… laundry. You can't really help with that."

"And I can't just sit and watch?"

"Maybe you should go check on, uh… Namine. She probably has… something… going on. Right? Yeah. You do that." He stepped backwards out of the doorway. Kairi tried to reach out and stop the door before it shut, but she wasn't quite fast enough.

"_Sora!_" she shouted, banging against it.

The only response was the sound of the lock being thrown.

Kairi stood there a full minute or two in shock and indignation. Not only had he shoved her off, but he'd locked her out, too. She stormed over to his bedroom window on the side of his house, then glared furiously up at it. It was closed, and probably locked as well. Finding the nearest rock, she chucked it good and hard right at the window. She missed, but that was probably for the better—Sora's parents wouldn't be happy if she broke it, even if she did have more than enough munny to replace it.

"What is _wrong _with him?" she grumbled to herself, heading down to the docks. Even if Sora wasn't coming, she needed a good long swim to clear her head.

**xxx**

Ven stared up at the stars, slowly counting them. He knew it was futile, but that was the point. Eventually it should put him to sleep. And it kept his mind off… other things. For the most part.

They'd left Hollow Bastion a few days ago, and were currently camped in the fields far from the castle and forest of the Dwarf Woodlands. Aqua was asleep beside him. Probably. She had as much trouble as he did sleeping most nights, and tonight had not been the first when she'd checked the perimeter five times for Heartless, nor the first when she'd complained she had no idea how to cast wards against them. Master Eraqus had known how to, but he hadn't taught it to her before he…

Ven let out a long breath and started counting the stars again. He'd gotten up to fifty-four last time, before being distracted. He tried to focus on the task harder this time. Tried to let the numbers and the twinkle of the stars drown out the ache in his chest.

He'd expected to never see Vanitas again, and that was alright. Vanitas was not the kindest person, and the Worlds were probably better off without him. But his heart still longed for its other half, and feeling it beat inside Sora had been… uncomfortable, to describe it kindly. Ven was still trying to piece out what to do about it, though. Talk to Sora, definitely, but then what? Getting that piece of Vanitas back in his own chest would be ideal—bringing Vanitas back in full would be too dangerous—but how? The Keyblade could supposedly do that sort of thing, but Ven could not imagine doing it himself. Master Eraqus was dead, so he could not, though perhaps that was for the best. Ven wouldn't dare imagine Master Eraqus being _willing _to do that sort of thing. Aqua might know how to do it, but she held a lot of Master Eraqus's beliefs when it came to darkness, and telling her about this whole mess was the _last _thing he wanted to do.

Ven blinked a few times, then grimaced. Where had he been? Forty… something, but no telling which star he'd last counted. He sighed and started over.

"Ven…? You're not asleep."

He forced a smile on his lips, so that it would carry to his voice easier. "Stars are pretty tonight," he told Aqua. That was all. That was all he dared.

Aqua saw right through it, though. "Trouble sleeping?" she asked. He could feel her shift next to him—see it out of the corner of his eyes—so that she was a little more upright. Probably so she could look at him.

He shrugged. "Got a lot on my mind."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really…"

He heard Aqua shift in a way that meant she was pulling Terra's wayfinder out of her pocket. Again. Not an hour had gone past in the last few days where she hadn't at least checked to make sure it was there, if not get lost in thought completely while staring at it. Ven chuckled a little.

"You aren't going to be able to stare any answers out of it," he teased. "_Especially _not if you aren't going to ask those questions out loud!"

"Oh shut up!"

Ven laughed, and swung himself upright. "But, seriously, Aqua. Why do you stare at it so much?"

Aqua took a deep breath, sparing only a glance at him before her eyes were fixed on Terra's wayfinder again. "I'm just… I'm hoping it'll lead us to him…"

"I thought that was only supposed to work if we were all _carrying _the charms," Ven argued.

"Well, that's how the legend goes," Aqua agreed, with a sigh. "It's just… Can't you feel him, Ven? It's like he's right there. I can _sense _him. I can sense him through his wayfinder, and I'm just hoping… I'm hoping that I can follow the feeling and it will... _at least _give me a clue to where he is. But I'm not sure it works like that…"

Ven shrugged. He had no idea. Aqua's ability to sense hearts like this was something that only she could do, last he'd been told. Or, that only she could do without long years of training and refining her senses.

"We aren't going to find him if we're too tired to walk, though," Ven said, flopping back down into the grass. "Try and go back to sleep."

"Mm. You too."

Aqua lay back down. Ven started counting the stars again.

**xxx**

Kairi was glad Sora'd started leaving the star shard with her, in part so she could make this trip, but mainly just so he couldn't _go _anywhere when he was in one of his… moods. She raked a hand through her still slightly-wet hair and shoved the star shard in her pocket, moving up to Aerith's front door. Knocking brought a call of _come in, _so she did.

The house was completely empty, with Namine and Aerith the only two in sight. Namine was sitting on one of the couches, sketching (unsurprisingly), while Aerith was in the kitchen. Making lunch…? A glance at the clock on the wall showed Kairi it was 1 o'clock, and while that was a little late for lunch, it wasn't unreasonable, though it did make Kairi feel a little strange. It'd been at least 3, if not edging on 4, when she'd left Destiny Islands.

"Uh, hi," she said. Namine and Aerith both chorused _hellos_, and Kairi cleared her throat, figuring she should just get to the point. "Aerith, do you have either Cloud or Tifa's phone number? I don't think me and Sora ever actually got that from you." _Not that I'd be able to ask Sora, seeing as he locked me out of his house, _she added, silently.

"Hang on, I'll write it down for you," Aerith said. Seeing as Aerith wasn't moving out of the kitchen, Kairi headed towards it. She stopped short when she got closer, eyes widening.

"You cut your hair," she said.

Aerith glanced up at her, then smiled. She reached up to touch her now-short curls that fell to her shoulders, smiling again as she returned her attention to the notepad on the counter. "Yeah," she said, as she nodded. "I just sort of… felt like it. You want both their numbers?"

"Yes please. It looks nice, by the way. Your hair." It was a little strange seeing Aerith without her braid, but this new look wasn't bad at all. She still had her bow, of course, it was just now on top of her head, probably tied to a headband. "Has… it always been curly?" Kairi found herself asking, after a moment.

Aerith nodded again. "Mmhmm. You could never tell when it was braided, though. Here." She tore the paper off the notepad and handed it to Kairi.

"Riku's got his cut, too," Namine said, before Kairi could look at the numbers. "You'll have to see him."

Kairi rounded on her, jaw dropping open. Riku! With short hair! She'd been only teasing the other day about it being too long. "Did he? Where is he?"

"He and Yuffie are on Heartless control while Leon and some of the new Restoration Committee members work on houses," Aerith explained. "They should be back soon for lunch, though. Do you want a sandwich, Kairi?"

Kairi started to say no, seeing as once she headed back home it'd probably be dinner time, except she was hungry now, and dinner was unpredictably late most nights. "Uh, half a one, please? Just turkey and cheese is fine."

"Here, Kairi, come here," Namine said. Kairi plopped down on the couch next to her without question. "Riku looks a little like this, now."

Namine showed her a rough sketch in her sketchbook of Riku sporting his new haircut. From the looks of the drawing, she'd probably drawn it _while _he was getting it cut. Kairi's eyes flickered over the rest of the page, and she giggled a little.

"How many sketches of him do you _have _in here?" she asked. There were two more on this page alone.

Namine blushed furiously, pulling the sketchbook away from Kairi. "He makes for good pose study, alright? The fact he doesn't stay in the same position for more than ten minutes helps. And makes it harder to catch the pose before he's moved." The explanation was reasonable enough, but Kairi couldn't help from sending Namine a teasing look. Namine's deeper blush was worth it.

"Did you want any particular kind of cheese, Kairi?" Aerith asked.

"No, whatever's fine."

"Then here you go."

Aerith handed her a plate. Kairi took it, thanked her, and started eating, nudging Namine and asking her if she could see some of the other sketches. Namine agreed after a second, but only if Kairi promised not to tease her again. It was a fair deal.

Kairi stayed only long enough for Riku to get back, so she could tease him about his haircut. She didn't stay much longer than that, though, because some of those "new" Restoration Committee members had also come for lunch, and it was getting crowded. Not to mention the time difference between worlds…

"I hope you'll have some answers for me," she told the piece of paper with Cloud and Tifa's numbers on it, as she pulled down the phone from the wall of her house. She still doubted they'd be able to help her without speaking to Sora at length, but, it wouldn't hurt to try.


	32. In which Kairi REALLY makes a discovery

**AN/ **AY I'm so excited to finally get here!

* * *

Kairi took a deep breath before heading up the drive to Sora's house. His dad was at the docks. His dad was always at the docks. His mom was buying groceries—there was a reason she was coming now, after all, _especially _to have this conversation. Cloud and Tifa hadn't been able to provide her any ideas, as she'd expected, but she'd come across something while reading…

Maybe it wasn't the best thing to consider, but the symptoms all seemed to line up, and without an expert to prove otherwise, it was all she had. And she was certain if she could just _talk to him _while he was in one of his "moods", she'd know for sure. Split personalities were supposedly easy to notice. And if it _wasn't Sora, _she'd see it, right?

She didn't make the mistake of knocking on his door this time, she just let herself in. Sora was in the kitchen, halfway in the fridge, moving things around and… singing? No, just humming. Kairi didn't recognize the tune, though, which was strange, considering they'd always shared music.

"Yo, Sora," she said, leaning against the island in his kitchen.

He jumped and pulled himself out of the fridge, then looked at her with wide eyes. "Uh… hi. Kairi." He let the fridge close behind him, and his eyes slowly narrowed.

"Something wrong?" Kairi asked.

Sora nodded. "I… I don't remember waking up," he said. He smiled in a way that showed he was irritated by the notion. "I don't remember coming downstairs, I don't remember getting dressed, and I have no idea what I was doing in the fridge."

"Getting breakfast?" Kairi suggested.

"Probably." Sora sent a look back at the fridge, then grimaced, and leaned on his elbows across from her.

"You should eat." Talking to him could wait until he had breakfast. Besides, this was definitely Sora she was talking to, so she wasn't in a rush. Unfortunately, the fruit bowl that sat only inches from them was empty, and she couldn't just take an apple out of it and force it into his hands.

"Eh, later." Sora followed her eyes to the empty fruit bowl and grimaced twice as hard. "What are you here for, anyway?" He flicked her in the arm.

Kairi hesitated before answering his question. She wasn't sure if she wanted to push it to this point, yet, but then again, there couldn't be anything wrong with telling Sora what she suspected before she was sure. It was just Sora. "I, uh… I actually thought I might know what's with the gaps in your memories."

"Really?" Sora asked.

"Yeah, I was doing some reading on my dad's computer again and—"

Irritation flared through his eyes. "Oh! Great!" He moved to the cabinets that hung above the counter so violently she second guessed her decision to tell him—or, at least, the assumption that it wouldn't hurt anything. Then again, maybe this was better, if the sudden irritation meant what she thought it meant. "Here we go again, then! How many times do I have to say it?" He glared at the cabinet's contents, slammed the door shut, then moved to another one and reached for a plate. "It's not PTSD or another one of those dumb disorders, and I'm _not _doing therapy!"

Kairi studied him very carefully. She'd didn't remember mentioning PTSD in the past, and she'd certainly _never _mentioned therapy. Maybe his parents had? But Sora'd never mentioned that to _her… _

"I wasn't going to say PTSD," she said, trying to sound casual, all while watching him like a hawk. "But I was thinking it might be—"

Sora rounded on her and slammed the plate against the island counter. "_He's not sick!_" he roared.

He seemed to realize himself just as his words registered to Kairi. _He's. _She started to open her mouth, but then his deer-in-the-headlights look became anger even worse than it had been before, and he slammed a fist against the counter. "_Dammit!_" he shouted. "Dammit." He kneaded his forehead, trembling hard.

Kairi licked her lips, trying to gather her words.

Sora—or whoever this was—spoke between ragged breaths. "If… If I say '_I'm_ not sick', now, will you believe me and we pretend this never happened?"

Kairi couldn't help her snort. "No."

"Worth a shot…"

"Not really! I mean, come on, you know I know you're not—"

"Go away!" Probably-Not-Sora shouted very suddenly. Kairi frowned at him, but when she followed his horrified gaze she understood. Standing there right in front of the couch was a wolf. One that was familiar, one that Kairi recognized, because there was no mistaking it. No mistaking its black fur, no mistaking the way its tail and the fur that rolled down behind its head were made from sort of shifting red _fire._ Its eyes were not gold, though, like they were last time Kairi'd seen it. They were a blank yellow. Like a Heartless.

"Go _away_!" Not-Sora repeated. "Don't make me—"

The wolf leapt right at him, clearing the counter with ease. It should've knocked him into the opposite counter, but instead they both vanished.

Kairi hastily reached for the star shard in her pocket.

**xxx**

_ A sense of a large black beast shrinking under his hand—except that couldn't be his hand. The skin was too pale, and his gloves weren't that color, but the shape was the same…_

_ A sense of first aggression, then affection, at his back in the sand and a heavy weight on his chest._

_ 'I'll miss you…'_

_ "Me too, you sack of bricks."_

**xxx**

Very suddenly finding himself on his back with a wolf on his chest—with no recollection of how he got here, or where Kairi was, or what he'd last said to her, of course—was not how Sora wanted to "wake up". He tried to figure out _where _here was, but all he could register that it was very dark, and there was cold sand beneath him, and there were waves in the distance. That was it.

'What are you _doing _in there?!'

Sora blinked at the wolf. It hadn't moved its mouth, but he understood it just fine. Somehow. Wait, he recognized this wolf! It was the wolf that had chased him (and Cloud) through so many worlds, trying to…! Well, honestly, he had never figured out _what_ it had wanted with him to begin with. Memories and notions and maybe an explanation bubbled in the back of his mind, but the wolf gave him no chance to examine them.

'Well? What do you have to say for yourself?'

"Uh, frankly," Sora said, not understand what was going on in the slightest. "I'd just like to know—"

'Not _you!_' The wolf growled threateningly, and Sora grimaced and turned his head away from its face. Its breath was _atrocious. _'My _master!_' Its eyes flashed pure yellow—the whites and all—before returning to normal golden wolf eyes. Somehow, Sora understood this to mean it was angry. It waited a moment, breathing heavily against his face, before it snorted. 'Not going to answer, are you? _Fine!_ I'll rip you out myself if I have to.'

Panic flooded Sora. "_What_?!"

The wolf plunged its teeth into his chest.

It was agony in his chest and fire in his body—for a few seconds. The pain in his chest didn't diminish, but he was… alive. The wolf hadn't torn at his flesh or anything _physical _about him. Instead it had wrapped his jaws around his heart. Not that _that _was a good thing, really, it was just better than the alternative. Sora's mind churned as he tried to find a way out of this situation—but then his body was moving and a screech was tearing itself out of his mouth.

"_NO!_" His hands grasped at the wolf in ways that felt effective, except _he _wasn't moving his hands, and if he had been, he wouldn't have known to grab at those spots specifically. "Put it back! Put it back, you sack of bricks! _DO YOU WANT TO KILL US BOTH PUT IT BACK!_"

It was like Sora was in the backseat as his body moved without him telling it to. The tug in his chest and the words that were leaving his mouth only took a second to snap into place around him. He suddenly felt very cold.

_My Shadow…_

"SORA SHUT UP AND JUST LET ME MOVE YOUR BODY ALRIGHT! DO YOU WANT TO DIE?" His hands moved to the wolf's mouth, fingers trying to pry its teeth open. "I said _let go of me!_"

'You _told_ me you were going to—'

"_I know! _I know what I told you, I know what I told the both of you, alright? I didn't think this would happen—and I'm not too happy it did, either!" There were tears in his eyes, and a fierce pit of despair in his gut. That belonged to his Shadow, but there might as well have been no distinction between the emotions and Sora's for how strongly Sora felt them. "Just let _go of me, _you aren't doing me any favors by ripping me out, it's not like I have a body anymore!"

There was a slight hesitation, then the wolf's jaws slackened by an inch. 'You can have mine,' it said in its mental rumble.

The offer seemed to upset Sora's Shadow even further. "Don't you _dare! _Now _let me go._"

The wolf obliged.

The world around Sora seemed to tremble, then it _snapped _back into place, as his heart and his Shadow's combined again and slid back into his chest. Sora fell onto his back, breathing heavily, fingers curling into the sand beneath him. The sky above was pure black, no stars, no light except that that which seemed to come from the ground and the rocks themselves. He recognized this place. The Realm of Darkness… But why _here_…?

His unasked question was answered by the thought-voice of his Shadow.

'_I used to come here a lot.'_

It was out of the way. The waves were comforting—Those things were conveyed without words, just in feelings and notions. Sora's surprise and confusion about the situation was probably conveyed to his Shadow in the same.

The wolf made itself comfortable on the beach a little ways away from Sora. It seemed contented, but Sora also got the feeling it was watching his every move. Sora absentmindedly reached out to it, running his fingers through the fur on its head. He tried to piece together what he was feeling right now, about his Shadow. Irritation, maybe. Relief, definitely, for too many reasons.

Sora swallowed. "So… you're…?" he began. He couldn't bring himself to finish, but he didn't really need to.

'_Not dead. Yeah,' _his Shadow replied, still silently. Probably for the better.

"You said that wasn't your heart…"

'_I didn't know!' _There was a frantic note in his Shadow's voice. '_I swear, Sora, I had no idea. If I HAD known…'_

He trailed off there, and his hesitation bubbled in Sora's mind. The thoughts that drifted by after that made Sora's stomach flip.

"…you really don't want to be… here?" Sora asked, with a slight hesitation. _Alive _was the first word to come to mind. _You really don't want to be alive? _But asking that, considering that, was too much to bear, a thousand times too much.

His mouth contorted into a grimace. For the life of him, he couldn't say whether it was him or his Shadow that was grimacing.

'_I dunno. Maybe it'll be easier now that you know about me… But, the fact still stands…'_

Sora closed his eyes. His Shadow didn't need to say it. Now that he was aware of his Shadow, things like that were passed between them without words, without either of them really consenting to it.

_You love me—_Sora hardly thought it, but immediately he could feel his Shadow recoil.

A wave of sorrow and frustration surged through him, through the both of them, and Sora did his best to distance himself from it. Those were his Shadow's emotions, not his. This didn't sadden him. It didn't even make him mad anymore. He'd had months to think about it, or, a month and a half or so.

"Look, I…" Sora took care to put his thoughts into words, just the feelings would not be enough. "I know it makes you angry. I know it makes you upset. I- I know you hate yourself for it. But it's… it's no big deal. Not to me."

'_Well, that's fantastic!' _His Shadow's voice was so bitter and so sarcastic it made him ache._ 'Yeah, it makes me feel so much better_. _I mean it! Now can we stop talking about it?'_

"No." Sora wasn't going to back down that easily. This was important. If he was going to have to live with his Shadow in his heart, then he was going to get this out. There was no way he was going to wait to discuss what had driven his Shadow to death to begin with. Besides, you didn't mess around with things like love. You didn't not talk about it. Love was something you needed to be clear on.

'_Alright. Fine. I'm listening.'_

"I wanted to say I'm sorry I acted so negatively when I first found out," Sora said. "It's just—"

'_I hurt you,' _his Shadow interrupted._ 'I was absolutely awful to you. I get it. Of course you were mad when you figured it out! I go from making your life hell to striving so hard to keep you safe, to be with you, that I lose myself? That's not—'_

"I forgive you."

"You _forgive _me?!"

The words came out through Sora's mouth instead of being silent, and then he was sitting up, kicking up the dark sand with the sharp movements. The actions and words were his Shadow's, of course. Sora did not try to take control of his body back—he wasn't quite sure how to, actually—but more importantly, that wasn't what mattered right now. The wolf growled softly, but that wasn't what mattered either.

_Yes, _Sora said, silently. Seeing as his Shadow was in control of his body right now, he couldn't use his mouth, or he didn't want to try using it. _I do._

"For what? For _everything?_" his Shadow demanded. His anger made Sora tremble. "For every injury, for every cruel thing I said, every cruel thing I made _you _say? For Maleficent? For- for _this?_" He reached up and pulled at Sora's face—the scar did not hurt now to touch, but Sora knew where it was even if it felt no different than the rest of his skin.

_That was an accident._

"It was—"

_An accident, _Sora repeated, firmly. _And I forgive you. For all of it._

"But I—"

_You regret it. And that's what matters._

Tears welled up in Sora's eyes, and his hand moved to cover them. The sobs were choked back in his throat. Clearly, his Shadow did not want to cry, but Sora wasn't in a position to do anything about it, really. It felt a little strange to have his body do all this without _him _telling it to, but that wasn't something he could do anything about either.

_It's okay, _he said.

"I _hurt you,_" his Shadow protested.

_And you're sorry._

There was a hesitation. A shaky intake of breath.

"And- and I… I…"

He did not seem keen to say the words _I love you, _but Sora did not blame him for that. The love was still roiling in his chest, though, so it did not need to be said. Sora only wished so much shame didn't accompany it.

_It's not a big deal, _Sora repeated. _I know it feels like it is, but… It's not. I don't mind. You love me, that's how it is, there's no point making a big deal out of it. Not really. _The exasperated laugh that went with that thought didn't leave his mouth, but it reverberated mentally. _I mean, can't say I'll ever return the feelings, but, then again, it's not like I really know you._

Sure, he knew a lot of things about his Shadow, but having someone's memories and emotions inside of you was not the same as talking with them, conversing with them. Knowing things about his Shadow was not the same as having a relationship.

"This isn't a _joke, _Sora!" His Shadow snapped.

_I was being completely serious._

His Shadow didn't reply, but his disbelief rattled inside of him—them? Whatever. Sora felt it. And he wasn't really surprised.

_I mean it, _Sora said._ I think we could be really good friends if we tried._

"That's not quite 'returning the feelings'."

_ Well, no, but that would be weird if we were sharing a body, anyway. Maybe we should wait to worry about _that _when you've got your own body again._

His Shadow laughed, but his emotions were shut off from Sora now, so Sora couldn't tell why. He'd have to ask, later, how to shut off his emotions from his Shadow. The more privacy they could get, the better.

"You want control of your body back, huh?" Sora's Shadow asked.

_Yeah, _Sora answered.

_ 'Alright.'_

It really didn't feel any different, but when Sora shifted, his body responded this time. He wondered if they'd have to keep passing control of his body between them like this. That wouldn't be fun, but it wasn't quite a question for now. There were too many questions to ask them all right now. Sora considered the wolf, which was still lying on its stomach, watching him. "What?" he asked it. "You got nothing to say now?"

'I just wanted to prove my Master was back,' it answered. There was a glint in its eyes. 'Besides, I wouldn't dare get between my _Mahtas _and his _amaste_.'

Sora didn't know what that word meant, but he could feel the heat rise to his cheeks. Clearly, even when not in explicit control, his body would still respond to some of what his Shadow was feeling.

"What's that mean?" he asked. Unlike _Sheto _and _Mahtas, _no images came to mind with this word. He figured it had to do with his Shadow putting a block on how much passed between them.

'_It just means "loved one",' _his Shadow replied. If the heat in Sora's cheeks wasn't enough, he also _sounded _pretty embarrassed. '_Typically it implies, that uh, we _both… _y'know….'_

'It does not have to,' the wolf interrupted. How it had heard Sora's Shadow, Sora was not sure, but then again, it seemed to communicate mentally as well.

"Ah," Sora said, not sure what else to say. At least it didn't mean what he'd initially anticipated it meaning… The glint in the wolf's eyes had implied too much for comfort.

After a pause, Sora's Shadow asked: '_Uh… you don't… _mind _me being here, do you?' _

"What? Nah! I mean, it's just as much my fault as it is yours." Sora shrugged. "Besides, I'm… I'm glad you're not dead. And it would explain a lot."

'_Sorry about your parents…' _Sora's Shadow said, very reluctantly.

Sora shook his head, pushing that worry aside. "They were being unreasonable even without you aggravating them. Maybe they'll listen now."

His Shadow laughed. '_Sure, if they don't think you're insane for having voices in your head!'_

Sora scowled down at his chest—the closest he could get to glaring at his Shadow. "Well, then you just need to be quiet when I'm talking to them from now on," he said.

'_Easier said than done…' _There was a pause. '_You never showed them your Keyblade as proof, by the way.'_

"I… yeah…" Sora scratched the back of his head. "Forgot about that. But more importantly! Do you have a name?"

The pause this time gave Sora the sense of a double take. _Why? _his Shadow asked.

"Because if I have to call you 'my Shadow' one more time I think I'll lose my mind," Sora explained. Something occurred to him, then, and he cautiously added: "It's… It's not _Vanitas, _is it?"

'_No!' _The reply was so quick and so powerful it seemed to make Sora's heart quiver. '_I don't care what Ventus says, I'm _not _Vanitas! I know I'm not! I'm—I'm your Shadow. That's who I am.'_

"Not really any more, though," Sora argued. "So no on the name?"

'_No.'_

"Well, then we need to think of one." Sora crossed his arms over his chest and frowned hard, hoping to glare an idea out of the sand. "How about _Shad?_"

'_No way!_ _Where'd you even get _that _from?'_

"Short for _Shadow…_?"

'_No!'_

Sora pouted. "I thought it was clever," he grumbled, then sighed. "Well, I don't have any other ideas right now. I guess we'll keep thinking on it. Your wolf doesn't have a name either, does it?"

'I do not.'

"Clearly you're just as bad with names as I am."

'_A name didn't exactly seem _important _at the time, Sora.'_

Sora shrugged again. "We'll think on it," he resolved, then pushed himself to his feet. "Maybe Kairi will have some ideas."

His Shadow's mental groan made him stagger for a second. Once he'd recovered, he glared down at his chest again.

"Hey, we've gotta tell her. You aren't getting out of it." Sora held his hand out to the wolf, knowing this was how his Shadow traveled. "Can you take me back home, then?"

The wolf carefully took his fingers between its teeth and pulled him forward. The world shifted around them.


	33. In which Sora n Kairi argue, I mean talk

Unfortunately for Sora, when the wolf brought him back into his house—right in the middle of his living room—his mom was back with the groceries. He stared with wide blinking eyes, not sure what to do. His mom hadn't seen how he'd arrived, at least (though perhaps seeing it would've convinced her about this whole thing).

His mom glanced up for a second as she moved to grab another something to put away. "Oh, Sora, great! When did you sneak in?"

"Uh…"

His mom turned her back to him to put what she'd grabbed in the fridge, and Sora's Shadow shouted: '_Kairi's not here! Try Hollow Bastion! Go go go!' _The wolf grabbed his fingers much harder and dragged him away.

Sora grimaced as the worlds shifted, sparing a second to regret leaving his mom there. Perhaps the spell would work in his favor, though, and make her forget she'd seen him for two unexplainable seconds. Then again, that probably shouldn't be what he wanted… What he wanted was for her to believe him. Oh well. That could wait. At least now he could add _magical wolf _next to _Keyblade _on his list of things that were undeniable proof of what had happened.

'Oh. I suppose this is not better, is it?'

'_Thanks a lot, you sack of bricks. You could've at least taken us outside!'_

It took Sora a moment to realize what the wolf and his Shadow meant, but then he finished taking in his surroundings. The wolf had brought them right into the middle of Aerith's living room. Surprisingly, Leon was the only one besides Kairi around—but Kairi was pacing angrily with a phone in her hands, talking in a rapid, panicked, squeaking voice.

"But we don't know _where _to look! And like I said, the star shard won't just take me to—" Kairi cut off, noticing them. She gaped for a moment, more at the wolf than Sora, he figured, then swallowed. "Never mind," she told whoever was on the phone. "He's just showed up. And uh…"

"I… have a lot of explaining to do, I get that," Sora said. "Can we… do that outside, though, y'think?" He sent a hesitant glance at Leon, though he supposed Leon was not the _worst _person to have around right now.

Kairi slowly nodded. She kept eyeing the wolf distrustfully. "Well, I think everything's okay," she told whoever she was on the phone with. "No, you don't need to come. Thanks. I'll call you back." She closed the phone, then tossed it to Leon. "Thanks for letting me borrow it."

"No problem. It _was_ something of an emergency," Leon assured her. He was eyeing the wolf too, but with something Sora thought was more like _awe. _

"You better have a good explanation for me Sora," Kairi said. She was glaring daggers at him.

Sora shifted uncomfortably. "I. I do. Outside?" He pointed over his shoulder at the door. Kairi glared a moment more at him, then sighed, and nodded. "Sorry, Leon," Sora said. "This will take, uh… not long?"

Leon waved at them to go ahead, and they headed out. Kairi said nothing as they made their way to the Bailey, but she didn't look happy. The Bailey seemed like the best sort of "secluded" spot to head to, especially after learning from Kairi that most everyone else was at the infirmary right now. The Bailey and the infirmary were in two separate directions.

"Who… were you on the phone with?" Sora asked, trying to ease the tension a little.

"Tifa."

"Oh."

Sora cleared his throat, then glanced down at the wolf. _Can I tell it to go away? _he asked his Shadow.

'_Yeah, sure.'_

_ Oh good. _"Uh… shoo?" Sora motioned for the wolf to make itself scarce. It stared at him, and his Shadow snickered.

'_Don't bother him, alright?' _his Shadow commanded.

The wolf lowered its head in something like a bow, backed up, and then was gone.

_Was that necessary? _Sora asked.

'_Considering I'm pretty sure he's only being nice to you because of me, well, yeah.'_

_ Because I'm your _amaste_? _Sora said, largely teasing.

'_Don't.'_

"So where's that explanation?" Kairi asked. She was leaning against the rampart of the Bailey, arms crossed tightly over her chest, watching him with hawk-like eyes. Hopefully that silent conversation hadn't looked too strange… Oh well, she'd know why it had happened in just a second.

Sora opened his mouth to speak, but Kairi was talking again before he could. "And, uh, did that wolf _seriously _just bring you back like no big deal?"

"There's…. more to it than that…" Sora answered, slowly.

Kairi eyed him, then chewed at her tongue a second, eyes crinkling with distaste. "Well, alright, but I guess before that I should tell you that right before it dragged you off I was talking to—"

"I know," Sora interrupted. "Well, okay. I didn't know until right now, thanks for that." He sent a small glare down at his chest—still the closest he could get to glaring at his Shadow. His Shadow had talked to Kairi before the wolf had found them. That was good to know. Oh, and Kairi was giving him a funny look. "Not you, Kairi!" he said, quickly. "It's, uh. It's my Shadow. He's not dead. He's uh…" Sora thumped at his chest. Easier to just get it out now than later.

"Oh! Well I guess that's a little more comforting than what I was assuming," Kairi said. "And it makes sense, I guess? But… still…" She frowned at him. "He's… Are you… okay?"

Sora nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. I actually don't mind too much."

"…What?"

Sora shrugged. "Reeeeally just glad that he's not dead…"

"_What._"

"Kairi don't give me that look."

She was staring at him like he'd lost his mind. It made him feel a little queasy, honestly. Sure, this was big news, and he'd known she wouldn't take it entirely positively, but _that _look seemed a little unnecessary.

"I'll give you this look if I want to, Sora!" she snapped. "Are you _sure _you're okay?"

"Well, I didn't really want to kill him to begin with… and he's not _so _bad…" It was hard to say it and sound confident, though, when Kairi's face was caught between horror and distrust. Like, what, there was actually something wrong with him? Sure, his recent behavior and memory gaps had been a little worrying, but having it turn out to be his Shadow was certainly a better option than the others.

"Sora, have you _forgotten _who you're talking about?!"

"No, I haven't—"

"But he—"

"Listen, Kairi! I _know _he did a lot of bad things, and a lot of bad things to me, but he's _sorry,_" Sora said. "He's been in my chest for the past month, I can _feel that, _and I can feel it _now. _He regrets it. And I forgive him." It was that simple. Why did everyone seem to have such a hard time understanding that?

Kairi shook her head. "How do I know that's you and not him talking?" she asked.

Sora licked his lips. That wasn't exactly a question he'd expected, and certainly not one he'd wanted to hear. "Trust me, Kairi... He's not buying the whole forgiveness thing, either, and he needs to _get over himself._" That was accompanied with another glare down at his chest. His Shadow had cut off his emotions from him again, though, and he wasn't saying anything, either.

"HOW DO I KNOW IT'S YOU AND NOT HIM!" Kairi repeated. She pushed off from the rampart and stepped towards him, jabbing at his chest. Her eyes were watering. Her voice was cracking.

"You have to trust me, Kairi."

"I don't trust _him._"

"Kairi, please…"

"How do I know this isn't a trick?" she demanded. She jabbed him in the chest again. "How do _you _know this isn't a trick? That he isn't just biding his time until he's got a grip enough around your heart to just drag you into darkness, or something! Isn't that what he was supposed to do? How can—"

"BECAUSE I CAN _FEEL IT!_" Sora interrupted. He cringed a little after shouting, but he was shaking all over with frustration. "I can't really _explain_ that to you, Kairi, I can't make you feel what he's feeling and what I'm feeling, but it's! It's all in here." He thumped at his chest, pushing away her jabbing finger in the process. "I can _feel _it, Kairi. I can feel it!"

There was a pit in his stomach, because he'd never anticipated this, and he should've. He should've known she wouldn't trust his Shadow, but he'd never considered it, never considered her doing anything but support and trust _him, _her best friend. Wasn't his word enough? His Shadow was different now, but how was he supposed to make her see that? How was he supposed to change her mind? How could his Shadow change _anyone's _mind if _he_ did not even seem to want forgiveness?

'_Don't bother, Sora. She's not going to trust me.'_

"Why won't she trust you?" Sora was responding to his Shadow's comment aloud before he realized himself. There was no point taking it back, though, so he turned to Kairi. "Why won't you trust him?" he asked her.

Her eyes burned as she answered. "I _did _trust him!" she said. She was trembling just as much as he was, but Sora knew she was trembling with anger—the red of her face gave her away. "Did he not tell you? Did you miss it, despite apparently having all of his memories? He came to me, on the Islands, and visited me regularly. He was my _only company _while you and Namine and Riku were all gone. He was my _friend. _And then he threw it away because he was too embarrassed to tell me and you both that he loved you?" Kairi scoffed. "If he was _really _my friend, it wouldn't have _mattered, _because friends trust each other with _everything!_"

"Kairi…" Sora began, sadly. He'd known that she and his Shadow had talked—she'd mentioned it before—but the memories had never been ones to stick out to him. Perhaps he'd never looked, or perhaps his Shadow had tried to hide them. He didn't have a chance to say anything else, though.

"And- and that doesn't even _touch _the fact that he lied to me all those months!" Kairi continued, waving her arms angrily. "He wouldn't tell me who he was, or that he knew you, he wouldn't be honest with me because he wanted my _company, _he wanted me to be _nice _to him, he wanted us to stay friends for his own _selfish _desires!"

The rage boiled in Sora before he could contain it. His Shadow was grabbing control of his body before he could stop him. "That doesn't exactly excuse _you, _Kairi!" He was stepping forward, shoving her hands aside, pointing an accusing finger at _her _chest. "Clinging on to a relationship with a boy you _couldn't see _because you were so damn lonely, because you were so _desperate _for a friend you would take the first _invisible stranger _that came to you, without questioning _what _he was, or _where _he came from!"

"He shouldn't have led me on!"

"I! I was just! I was just…" His Shadow faltered, and lowered his hand. Sora sure hoped Kairi knew which one of them was talking right now. "I don't know what to tell you, Kairi. I don't know why I did it, I don't… I…" He hung his head, turning to the side. "I didn't want to tell you I loved Sora. I didn't want to tell _Sora _I loved Sora! It was _embarrassing, _it was _horrible, _and I was—"

He raised his hand, and Sora seized control of his body back, stopping him there, stopping him before he could grab enough darkness to throw in frustration. He held himself there, firmly, stilly, not moving an inch, not _daring _to.

"_Stop that!_" he shouted. "It's not! A big! Deal!"

"It _is _a big deal!"

The words were tearing from his mouth before he could quite finish his own, and suddenly it was hard to breathe. Sora forced himself to. Forced himself to take deep breaths and calm his racing heart. These emotions were _not _his.

"Loving me isn't so bad…" Sora said, very slowly, half-anticipating to be interrupted again. "I mean, I'm a pretty nice guy, aren't I—"

"IT'S NOT YOU! IT'S _ME!_" The tightening of his chest was back, and his Shadow was still using his mouth. "It goes against everything I _am. _I'm not supposed to love, and I'm _especially _not supposed to love _you!_"

"Sora, make him stop," Kairi said.

Sora did not—could not—turn to her. If he moved, he was sure his actions would turn into his Shadow's. "Kairi, _please_, this is kind of important…"

"Sora, he's _freaking me out!_"

"Kairi! If he's going to live in my heart, I need him to not hate himself so much that he wants to die!"

"Then get him out of there."

The severity of her tone made Sora turn, against his better judgement. Her face was hard as stone. Sora felt his jaw go slack, and his eyes go wide. She couldn't really be…?

It hurt, that his best friend wasn't supporting him in what he cared so much about. It hurt, because he _did _care about this, he wanted his Shadow to be alive, and here he was, but none of this was what he wanted to deal with. His Shadow, a moment away from a second suicide if he could manage without taking Sora with him. Kairi, not trusting him, not trusting either of them.

Thankfully, _thankfully, _there was an easy way out of Kairi's demand.

"I don't think there's a way to get him out," Sora said. "The wolf tried. It nearly killed both of us. Even if it tried again and was more _careful… _it'd probably still kill both of us. Right?" He directed this last bit at his Shadow.

"It would definitely kill me," his Shadow answered, through his mouth. Sora started to question why, but already the thought was being answered—his Shadow was doing it so Kairi could stay on the same page. Based on the darkening of her face, she knew which one of them was talking this time.

"And since that's what you want, then why don't we just do that?" Kairi asked, bitterly, angrily—Sora hadn't seen her this angry in a long time, and it made his chest ache. Worse, his Shadow seemed to be considering it, rolling it over in his head to make sure it could work.

"NO!" Sora screamed at the top of his lungs "_No!_" He glared at Kairi, tears stinging in his eyes. "What happened to _dying isn't an option? _Since when is it not an option for me, but it's an option for _him? _That's- _that's not okay, _Kairi! How- how could you even _suggest _a thing!"

Kairi fumbled, the anger draining from her immediately.

"I _never _wanted to kill him," Sora continued, crying now. "I never wanted to kill him. I'm not doing it _now. _You can't make me! There's a reason for everyone to live. You said that, Kairi. You said there's always another reason to live."

Kairi dropped her gaze. "I- I'm sorry…" she mumbled. "I don't like this, but you're right. We can't just kill him."

"Thank you."

'_She may be right, though,' _Sora's Shadow said. '_I'm still your Shadow. Sure, I haven't tried to drag you into darkness or anything. Yet. But…' _He seemed hesitant to put the thought into words, and Sora couldn't bear dwelling on it to figure it out for himself. '_It's what I was born to do, Sora.' _The words seemed as much to be for explaining what he meant as they were for reassuring Sora. '_Maybe I can avoid it as long as I'm in your heart, but…'_

He didn't need to say anymore. Sora nodded.

"We'll ask around," Sora said. Out loud again. He needed to get better at that. Kairi narrowed her eyes at him, and he sighed. "We'll have to ask a lot of questions about Shadows," he said. To get her on the same page. To clarify to his Shadow. "Someone's gotta have an answer…"

'_Cloud's not going to be able to tell us anything, you know that,' _Sora's Shadow said in response to Sora's half-thought consideration of him.

_He might have something, _Sora replied. _And he's a good place to start._

"What was with that wolf, anyway?" Kairi asked. She wouldn't look directly at him, now, but she certainly seemed a lot less frustrated, at least.

"Oh! It's, uh, my Shadow's… pet…" Sora explained.

Sora's Shadow laughed. '_Don't let him hear you say that!'_

"Well, maybe _pet _isn't the best description," Sora corrected. "But, y'know, it does what he tells it to do."

Kairi nodded, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning back on the rampart again. "So it's… it's not gonna hurt you, then?"

Sora started giggling, not that he could really say why. It was probably a result of his body trying to process both his Shadow's nervous laughter and his own genuine amusement at his Shadow's embarrassment. The words _no, of course it wouldn't! _were never _said, _but they were certainly thought, in passing. Sora was sure if his Shadow had a body, his face would be bright red.

"N-no," Sora told Kairi through the giggles, swallowing hard to subdue them. "No, it won't."

Kairi only raised her eyebrows. "If your _Shadow _told it to?" she pressed.

"He's not going to hurt me, Kairi."

Kairi let out an annoyed breath, but did nothing else, and said nothing. Sora moved to lean against the rampart with her, bumping against her shoulder.

"By the way, got any name ideas for him? My Shadow?" he asked. "I'm getting _really _tired of just calling him 'my Shadow'."

Kairi laughed a little. "No, you'll have to give me time."

"Okay. But. Think on it."

"I will." She sent him a sidelong glance. "Has _he _got any ideas?"

"I think if he had any, he would've started using a name long before now."

'_Hey!' _Sora's Shadow protested.

_I'm not wrong, _Sora said.

'_Still…'_

"You… You gonna tell anyone else about him?" Kairi asked.

Sora shrugged. "Eventually, yeah. I'll probably have to." Sensing his Shadow's discomfort, though, he added: "Just, not today, maybe. Give us some time to… adjust…?"

"What about your parents?"

"They won't believe me."

Kairi rolled her eyes. "Not about him, I meant about _everything, _again, since you're still putting that off."

"Yeah, well—!" Sora bit his lip as the heat rose to his cheeks. "You- _you _need to be making your dad get a magician out there to look at the spell, or go find one yourself! That would make things a lot easier."

Kairi glared at him. She didn't argue, though. "Where to now?" she asked. "Back to your house? Or to Aerith's?"

"Aerith's…" Sora said, slowly. "We left Leon sitting there, and while we don't have to tell him anything, I think he'd appreciate it if he knew we didn't just… vanish." He pushed away from the wall, turning over ideas in his head about how to approach his parents again as they made their way back to Aerith's. He should get his dad first. Show him the Keyblade. Together they could convince his mom. But he wanted more time to piece out the words he wanted to say, the exact words, so he could not fumble and mess up if he got frustrated again.

'_You should just move out, at this rate,' _his Shadow said.

_They're my parents!_

_ 'They're a pain in the ass.'_

Sora wished even harder they had a name figured out for his Shadow, so he could yell it at him now. He settled for glaring down at his chest again.

_I'm not moving out when I've hardly even _tried _to talk to them! If it weren't for the dumb spell—_

_ 'Then talk to Leon, and go home right now while you're thinking about it, and just get it over with,' _his Shadow interrupted. '_I'll try not to… mess things up this time.'_

Sora scowled. He knew he should… Yeah, after he talked to Leon, he would. They'd tell Leon everything was okay, sorry for raising a panic, and then he'd go talk to his dad. He'd do it. He would.


	34. In which uh, that's STILL not supposed t

**AN/ **I uploaded some chapters to ASAS (ch85 and 86) so! check it out

* * *

Kairi forced herself to stop eyeing Sora as they made their way back to Aerith's. He appeared to be occupied with his thoughts—or, talking to his Shadow?—so he probably hadn't noticed, but he would if she kept it up. And then he'd be annoyed. One of them would be annoyed.

She took a deep breath. It made sense. It could've been worse. But it didn't make her comfortable. _Especially _since Sora was so chill about it! It didn't feel like that long ago that he was _furious _at his Shadow. …had he been furious? Kairi only remembered a lot of yelling. And everything Sora told her that his Shadow did to him. And everything she and his Shadow had discussed… back before she knew who he was.

She still wasn't sure which she was angrier about. The fact he'd never told her? Or the fact she'd trusted him…

_It was only because he reminded me so much of Sora, _she told herself. Now if only she could make herself believe it.

"Are you _sure _it doesn't bug you?" she asked Sora. They were approaching Aerith's house now.

He shook his head. "No. I mean, it's gonna take some getting used to, but, I don't think I mind. It's better than the alternative."

Kairi didn't quite see how, considering the alternative was his Shadow being dead and out of their hair, but she said nothing as she opened the door to Aerith's house. They'd tell Leon everything was fine, then head home. Not that they _needed _to, she supposed. It was still only morning here, fairly early morning at that, so it can't have been any later than lunch time on the Islands.

The sight before her, though, made her forget entirely about going home any time soon.

Riku was sprawled on his back on the floor, unconscious, and looking much worse for wear. Yuffie was squatting next to him, eyes wide with worry even as she looked up at Kairi and Sora. "Leon went to get Aerith," Yuffie said, before Kairi or Sora could say anything. "And I know I probably should've just taken Riku to the infirmary to begin with but it was habit to bring him here…"

"I thought Riku was already at the infirmary, working with Aerith?" Kairi asked, as Sora moved to further examine Riku.

"Did Leon tell you that?" Yuffie asked in reply. "I mean, Riku was, but then we had Heartless rounds to do. I _told _Leon that's what I was doing when I left." She sighed, hugging her arms to her chest. "Oh well… Do… Do you think Riku's gonna be okay?"

Sora said nothing, and all Kairi could do was shrug. Riku looked pretty pale, and there was a small amount of darkness surging around him—just enough to make her skin itch. She had no idea what his darkness problems _really _amounted to, only that in the long run they could kill him if they weren't fixed. But she wasn't going to tell Yuffie that, especially not considering how distressed Yuffie already was.

"Geeze, this got bad, didn't it?" Sora mumbled, fingers trailing over the surging darkness across Riku's skin. He let out a short laugh—one quiet and quickly stifled, at least, though Yuffie still gave him a look. "And what's this?" His fingers paused at a spot on Riku's gut, where there was a patch of purple.

"That's where Namine—" Kairi began, but had to stop and swallow the bile in her throat. Had to stop and suppress the image of Namine with a blade through Riku and a satisfied smirk on her lips. "That's where his, uh, dark suit whatever tried to patch him up. Remember?"

"Looks like it's doing it in other places, too…" Sora said. And he was right. There were a couple of obvious spots on Riku's arms, and given the way the darkness was pulsing at Riku's chest, he'd probably end up with purple spots there as well. Kairi felt pretty sorry for him. Sora started laughing again. "It's not supposed to do that!" he managed to say, between ill-stifled giggles. "It's not supposed to—" He broke into another fit of giggles, and quickly pushed himself to his feet and hurried outside, still laughing to himself.

Kairi couldn't even be surprised that Sora's Shadow found this situation _funny._

"Is… is _Sora _okay?" Yuffie asked, as she watched him go.

"I hope so," was all Kairi could say.

**xxx**

"How did it _get _that bad?" Sora's Shadow said, through Sora's mouth, still cackling madly, _through Sora's mouth. _Sora couldn't figure out how to make him stop. "How did it? It's _not _supposed to _do that!_"

_So you've said, at least, a million times now, _Sora said, silently, as he was forced to do. Of course, it hadn't been a million times, but between the internal and external repetitions, it certainly _felt _like a lot.

"I'm sorry," Sora's Shadow replied, though he didn't sound a bit sorry, and Sora could still feel his mouth pulled into a grin. "I'm just _amazed _that this even—" He broke off into another bout of giggles, but these caught in his throat rather abruptly as he turned around. "Oh, _shit,_" he said, and suddenly Sora found himself in control of his body again.

Leon and Aerith and Namine were approaching, and they were certainly close enough to have heard most of that, not to mention they were all giving him looks. To save himself some embarrassment and not make them forget about Riku who was _definitely _in worse shape, Sora merely slipped back inside the house. Yuffie gave him a strange look, too, but Kairi only glared a little and rolled her eyes, at least.

As (sort of) planned, everyone saw Riku first when they entered, so it (temporarily) distracted them from Sora. Namine and Aerith both were at Riku's side in seconds, Namine watching closely over Aerith's shoulder as Aerith put her fingers to Riku's chest and pumped both healing magic and light into him. It looked nowhere near as strong as what Mickey had done all that time ago, but then again, Riku wasn't on the verge of death this time.

After a second round of light, Aerith shook her head and pulled her hand away. "I didn't think so," she murmured. She sighed. "There's nothing I can do. What happened?" She looked at Yuffie, who was still sitting on her heels, arms hugged to her chest.

Yuffie shrugged, eyes not on Aerith, but on Riku. "We were fighting Heartless and his darkness started acting up again, y'know, like it has been… He kept going in and out of his Dark Mode thing, but not on purpose, and then he got all sweaty and stammery and he passed out before I even got him here…"

"You'll have to take him to Castle Oblivion," Leon said.

Aerith sighed again. "I know…" She looked between Kairi and Sora. "I'm assuming one of you has transportation?"

Kairi nodded, producing the star shard.

"Can't you just use a dark corridor?" Sora asked—or rather, his Shadow asked through him before he could stop it. Sora ground his teeth once the question was out.

"Without the Darkness Protection Protocols, Vexen figured it was for the best if Riku didn't use them," Namine answered. "Plus, depending on who all is going, dark corridors are really only safe for Replicas…"

'_A trip or two wouldn't hurt… more than that probably wouldn't hurt,' _Sora's Shadow thought, but Sora bit his lip hard so those words would not leave his mouth either.

_Stop using my mouth! _

_ 'Sorry.'_

He didn't sound sorry.

"We should make trips," Kairi said. "I'll take Riku and Aerith—unless you'd rather me take Namine?"

Aerith shook her head. "I'll be fine, I've been there a few times. I know I just need to ask for Vexen and leave it at that."

Kairi nodded. "Alright. Then I'll be right back to pick up whoever else wants to come along." The star shard went off, and then she and Aerith and Riku were gone.

"It's just me and you that's going, right Sora?" Namine asked. She looked between Leon and Yuffie. "Neither of you want to come, huh?" From the look on her face, she already knew the answer.

"Got restoration work to do," Leon answered.

Yuffie got to her feet, arms still folded across her chest. "I don't like waiting. Besides, _someone's _gotta cover Heartless patrol while Leon works."

'_If it's just you and Namine, I could probably—'_

_ No! _Sora interrupted, before his Shadow could finish the thought. _Your wolf's way of travel makes me sick to my stomach, and I know for a fact you can't do that flashing-from-world-to-world thing you used to be able to do. Not with you in here._

_ 'Fine, we'll wait for Kairi, but this just gives Leon time to ask questions…'_

Sora tried not to eye Leon anxiously, but Leon was definitely eyeing him. They all were. He cleared his throat. This is not how he'd wanted it to happen. This was not how either of them had wanted it to happen.

"Are… are _you _okay, Sora?" Namine asked, before Leon could ask anything.

Sora crossed his arms, drumming his fingers near his shoulder. "I'm, yeah. I'm fine."

"Then what was all the… nervous giggling about?"

"That was, uh." He coughed. Wet his lips. Easier to get it out quickly, as he kept thinking. He opened his mouth to speak, except, sound would not come out. To say it was as if his Shadow had his hands wrapped tight around Sora's vocal chords might not, exactly, be incorrect.

'_Sora, please,' _he begged. '_Don't tell them.'_

_ It'll be easier if we get it out now, _Sora argued, scowling a little.

'_They're gonna be mad!'_

_ Better mad than thinking I've gone crazy, though…_

_ 'But you're not the one they're gonna be mad at!'_

It was the desperation in his tone that made Sora reconsider. The way it seemed to waver within him, shaking everything inside him. It was a quick—and perhaps unintentional—conveyance of images and moments and a lot of yelling voices that made Sora understand. Everyone's eyes were still on him when he sat on the ground, breathing hard.

It wasn't like he was surprised, exactly. He'd been there for most of these instances. He'd just… Forgotten.

_That's right, _he thought, dread filling him thickly. Now that he remembered, he remembered how angry Cloud had been. How angry _Leon _had been. The way Aerith had shut down on herself after only three words. It was suddenly very hard to swallow. _You were kind of awful to them, huh?_

_ 'It's in my nature,' _his Shadow replied, moaning a little. An apology bubbled around those words, but it was never said. Given the fact it felt pretty insincere, or at least half-hearted, Sora understood why it wasn't.

There was something else, too.

Something else amongst the dread and thoughts of those here at Hollow Bastion.

It was a quick and sharp feeling—a thought that his Shadow tried to hide. But he wasn't fast enough, and Sora saw it. A hot feeling bubbled inside him.

_ And- and Kairi—!?_

_ 'I'm sorry about what I did to Kairi.' _Sora wasn't sure he'd heard his Shadow answer so quickly in his life._ 'I'm so sorry.' _His mental voice trembled.

Sora took very deep breaths, trying to separate his feelings from his Shadow's. The effort made his stomach clench, but better that than the angry tears he felt coming. His Shadow was sorry he did it. He _really _was. But he hated he was sorry, because he shouldn't be, and—

Sora refused to think on that, refused to think on what his Shadow _had _done. His Shadow had made Kairi think he was gone forever? And it'd _worked_, for a while there? No, no, he wouldn't think about it. A clean slate. They were going to start on a clean slate.

'_I don't deserve that, Sora.'_

_ Shut up._

"Sora?" Leon was looking very worriedly at him. He and Namine and Yuffie were, though it looked like Yuffie was pretending not to. Based on Leon's tone of voice, and the crease of Namine's brow, they may have been trying to get his attention for a while now.

"_Are _you okay?" Namine repeated.

Sora swallowed. "It's… it's a lot to explain," he said, made himself say. "And now… is not the time." The words were easier to get out after that. "Later. I'll explain later."

'_Do we have to?'_

_ Yes. Eventually. But we'll wait until we have better proof you aren't here to trick me, or something._

Leon looked at Sora like he wanted to press further. Namine was grimacing like she wanted to as well—though Sora knew she wouldn't, she hated to press things—but then Kairi showed back up. Sora was not sure who the sigh of relief belonged to.

Kairi sent him a look which quickly became accusatory once she saw what position he was in. She said nothing, though, but he was sure she was thinking a lot of things, and if he knew her at all, none of them were kind. "Who's coming with?" Kairi asked.

"Just me and Sora," Namine answered. Sora was not so sure the looks everyone was giving him were _really _worth avoiding the anger. But, for now, there was nothing he could do. There was nothing he could do.

"Then let's go!" Kairi held her hands out, and it was one star shard trip later that they were standing in one of the hallways of Castle Oblivion. Sora sure hoped they were in the right one, but Namine would've said if they weren't, surely.

Kairi stuffed the star shard back into her pocket. "You tell them?" she asked, eyeing Sora.

"No. Not yet."

"Mm," was all Kairi said, then she stalked off.

Namine looked between Kairi's retreating form and Sora. "Tell us what…?" she asked.

"Not now," Sora said, again. "Aren't you worried about Riku?"

"Well, yeah, but you're my friend too…"

Sora found a blush rising to his cheeks, though he wasn't exactly sure why. Embarrassed to be reminded, probably. Or maybe his Shadow was blushing about something. He doubted he could even tell the difference if that was the case.

"Let's check on Riku first," Sora told Namine. "Then I'll tell you."

She nodded. "Alright. This way, then."

Sora was quite glad she lead the way for him, because he definitely would not have found his way to Riku if left to his own devices.


	35. In which someone embarrasses themself

**AN/ **Hey! This is late because last week was E3, and I was too busy screaming about video games to do really anything else! If you want to hear my thoughts on 2015's E3, there are two posts on the blog about it right under the chapter commentary for this chap (or filed under "game news"). But, long story short I cried about Mother 1 localization, screamed about Kairi, and I think Sora's new outfit looks awful (there's just not enough color).

Uhhh also I should mention it here I guess: if you love Kairi you should check out my Kairi blog at kairineedslove2k15 dot tumblr dot com, ooor if you have a twitter tweet about why you love Kairi with the hashtag #Kairi4KH3. It's for a good cause.

* * *

Sora's Shadow rubbed at his nose, or, did the metaphysical equivalent of it. Of course, here in Sora's heart station, he _could _form himself a body, but then it was a little harder to watch things through Sora's eyes, because it made him a little further detached from it. Not that he _had _to pay any attention to this conversation or anything, but he wanted to. There was something about the way Riku's darkness had tugged at him when he'd examined it earlier. Something that made him giddy to just think about again. _Why, _though? That was the question. Maybe someone would say something that would help him figure it out.

Except, right now, all they were discussing were the Darkness Protection Protocol whatevers, and so on, and so on. Sora's eyes darted around the room, long enough for his Shadow to get a better sense of where everyone was, not that it mattered. Riku was on one of the two cots in this room, out cold still, Aerith was sitting by him, Namine standing close to her, Kairi to Sora's left leaning against the wall. She looked tired—no, exasperated, annoyed, at the end of her line. No surprise. And then Vexen and the other Vexen… no, Even, that was right. They were each standing at a computer.

"In short, no, we can't do anything until the Darkness Protection Protocols are installed," Even said, in response to something that someone said. Or asked. Or… whatever.

"How _is _that coming along, anyway?" Aerith asked, and this caught his attention. Not because of her question, but because of her attitude. Her tone was polite enough, but anyone with eyes could see just how thin her patience really was. There was no denying the tight lipped way she addressed Even and Vexen both as she asked, no denying the uneasy glances she sent the walls around them.

"Even suggested we stop trying to translate it manually and write a program to do it for us," Vexen said.

"If it's not faster, it at least would be more accurate," Even said, and that was all Sora's Shadow cared enough to hear. It was just more Replica stuff he wasn't interested in. Nothing concerning the darkness, nothing to explain the familiarity he'd felt in the darkness pulsing through Riku's skin.

Then, finally, Vexen said something that caught his attention. "…is how his darkness even _got _like this," he was saying. A brief dig through Sora's top layer memories told Sora's Shadow that the sentence had started with _what I don't understand_—"I programmed darkness into him, but not this amount, and while I suppose it _could _have mutated…" He shook his head.

"It must have, unless he's somehow been in contact with a large amount of darkness in these past months…"

That's when Aerith and Namine, then Kairi exchanged looks. Sora's Shadow was glad Sora was standing where he could see everyone. There was probably more in their glances than he could read, but, certainly, _something… _Something tickled at the back of his mind, too. What _was _it…?

"Actually…" Aerith began, very slowly. "I'm not sure _how, _but there was a time when he came over to visit, and he…" She sent a look in his—no, Sora's—direction, clearly hesitant to say something. Sora's Shadow wished his senses weren't so dampened by being in Sora's body, because he should've been able to tell _why. _"Well, he got hurt pretty badly, and when we finally found him… there was a lot of darkness."

"A Heartless?" Even asked.

"N-no…"

That's when he remembered. That's when he remembered finding Riku in a pool of his own blood and some darkness, and had decided to, well, make the situation… more _interesting, _by adding even more darkness into the mix. He was breaking into another fit of nervous giggles soon enough, and Sora's irritation flooded through him.

"_Ohh, _that was _me_," he—accidentally—said, before Sora clapped a hand to his mouth. That was the unfortunate thing about laughing through Sora's mouth—he _was _still laughing—the words came out of it, too.

Aerith looked at him—them—Sora—and sighed. "Well, _yes, _we know you were the one who… attacked… Riku, but…" She shook her head. "The darkness? I know you struggled with it, Sora, but I just don't—"

"It was me—my Shadow," Sora seized most of the control back of his mouth, though some of the giggles still seemed to break through, somehow. "My… I…" He bit his lip hard, and Sora's Shadow did his hardest to stop feeling so giddy, because now was a bad time, now was a _horrible _time.

"Oh just _tell them, _Sora!" Kairi snapped.

Sora flinched. The resolve that settled in his mind was like a bucket of cold water—the laughter and giddiness Sora's Shadow felt died abruptly. He made himself small as Sora opened his mouth.

"The sooner I get it out the better, I guess," Sora said, whether to himself or the room, his Shadow was not entirely sure. "My Shadow's not dead. He's in here." That, accompanied with the thump of his chest, as always. "It's kind of my fault, and also his fault, and also an accident, seeing as neither of us knew that that heart… was_ his_ heart and it being in me would mean he… lived…" Sora's words got less clear at the end. He was doing a horrible job of explaining it, but his Shadow didn't care—he just wished he could be anywhere else right now.

"Thank you…" Kairi muttered. Sora knew she was smug without even looking at her, so his Shadow knew as well, and it made him feel no better. He'd wonder again why she hated him so much, but that was pointless, because he knew why. The cruel words he'd spat at her just to get rid of her still burned on his tongue, and the image of Sora's horror and anger still swam in his mind.

"A Shadow? A… _Sheto?_" it was Even who asked, eyeing Sora warily. Sora's eyes glazed over Aerith's similarly distrustful look, but his Shadow did not miss it. It was hard to miss _any _foul look directed at him. Even's look shifted from wary to studying to something else, then he nodded. "Mm, I don't know much about them, but… More importantly, can we ask him about Riku?"

"Yes, what _exactly _did he do to Riku?" Vexen demanded, anger causing his voice to shake. Sora's Shadow wished he did not have to suffer under his cold glare, and he almost removed himself from the situation entirely, had Sora not stopped him, caught him, like a hand on his arm.

"It'd be easier if you asked him," Sora said. "Hang on."

_I don't want to! _his Shadow protested, before Sora could ask the question—not that he really needed to ask, what he was planning to do had already been passed along to Sora's Shadow.

'_C'mon, please, I'm gonna mess it up,' _Sora said.

_I don't care!_

_ 'No one here is gonna hate you,' _Sora assured him. '_I mean, Kairi already does, but Aerith and Namine are pretty chill. You know that. And I'm not sure about Vexen and Even but their opinions don't really matter. Please. It'll be so much faster.'_

It was the please that made him do it. That, and the fact control of Sora's body was being thrust into his hands before he could even really say his answer. Then he was standing there in front of all of them, all of them staring, waiting, _judging. _Had Sora given them enough warning for what they were doing?

'_Just tell them it's you, no big deal,' _Sora told him.

_This wasn't a good idea, _he thought back, but he wet his lips to speak anyway. He forced a smile onto his lips, the cockiest he could muster. "Alright. Well. Hi," he said. "Sora's Shadow here, to answer your probably incredibly probing questions—damn, I guess Sora was right about the name. It _is _pretty annoying to introduce myself as that." It was only after he said it that he realized what he'd done. Spoken when he'd meant to keep that thought to himself.

'_Smooth!' _Sora laughed at him.

"Shut up," he said back, and then grit his teeth. He'd meant for that to be silent, too.

Sora laughed harder, and _he _managed to keep the laughter internal. Sora's Shadow grit his teeth harder, and geared his thoughts back towards Riku, toward what he'd done, carefully looking at no one in the room. Their eyes all burned on his skin, but at least they hadn't said anything yet.

"Anyway, about Riku," he said. Sora's 'the sooner out the better' policy seemed to have some merits, it seemed. Especially right now. He itched to move a little closer to Riku, to run his hands over the still sparking darkness at his chest, to get a good _feel _of all the damage it was doing to him. That would certainly put him in a better mood—but no, no, Sora wouldn't approve. He swallowed, cleared his throat. A part of him wished Sora would finally feel how terrified he was and put an end to this, the rest of him hoped Sora never found out, so he could never think him any weaker.

"About Riku," he repeated. "I uh, ha." He laughed, made himself laugh. How _could _Sora not notice what he really felt? "Pff, okay, my bad. I don't even have an excuse. I just. I pumped him full of darkness. I don't even remember why he was there, or why I—_don't look at me like that!_" It was too much, a few seconds too long under five—five!—sets of accusing eyes. "Did you really expect anything else from me?_ I'm sorry! _I mean, no, I'm not that sorry, really. I'm only sorry because Sora's upse—I MEAN because. I'm. I'm sorry that I wasted my time doing it and was so distracted that I let Maleficent drag Sora off right from under my nose."

He was certain his heart had never beat so hard in his life, even including when he'd faced Sora that time he'd hoped would be the last, praying hard and in vain that Sora would not piece together the secret he wished he could deny. Kairi was still considering him with a look that was hatred and disgust at the same time. Vexen looked about ready to attack him, honestly. Even wasn't doing anything but considering him, studying him, and though his face was the kindest, it still made him uneasy. Namine looked a little angry, a little scared, and Aerith—

Even with his senses dampened because he was in Sora, dampened because it was hard to pick out what other people were feeling when you had to wade through a stream of someone else's emotions to even _reach _them… Even with his senses dampened, Aerith's pain was too much for him to miss. She'd lost Zack in a pool of his own blood and too much darkness for her to heal. She'd almost lost Riku the same way.

"STOP STARING AT ME LIKE THAT!" he shouted, before they could speak, before they could call him out. "Okay? I didn't know it could potentially _kill _him! If I had known—" But he broke off, because he knew he wouldn't have done anything different. He didn't _actually _care about Riku. "Well, whatever! What does it matter? You can fix it, can't you?"

He looked at Vexen and Even, because they had the answers. Then he looked only at Even, unable to handle Vexen's gaze. Even's really was the only kind gaze in the room—everyone else was looking at him like… He angrily pushed down the memory of being pinned to the ground and Maleficent's sneer. This was his legacy. A disgrace to the darkness. Not good enough for the light.

Even answered levelly, not a hint of anger or distrust in his voice. "Once we install the Darkness Protection Protocols, they should undo the damage your darkness has done to Riku, or, at the very least, prevent it from doing any more harm." After a pause, he added: "Thank you, by the way. Now we know what we're dealing with." It wasn't bitter at all.

Kairi's next comment, however, was. "Can't _you _do something about it?" she asked him. Her eyes burned. "I mean, it's your fault, the least you could do is try and fix it."

The scowl came easily. "Well, if I still had a body, maybe I'd be able to do something," Sora's Shadow replied. "But, I don't have my own body, and can't exactly extract any darkness through Sora's." Actually, he probably could, but not without potentially damaging Sora's heart.

Sora latched onto that thought almost immediately, coming from wherever he'd been ignoring the conversation, or whatever he'd been doing. Sleeping, maybe, as he tended to do any time he wasn't in control of his body. Anyway. Sora latched onto the thought of extracting the darkness from Riku, and before he'd asked—if he'd asked, Sora's Shadow could've deflected the questions—he knew how high the chances were it actually _could _be done.

"Would it help?" Sora was asking, snatching control of his body back before his Shadow could fully convey how dangerous this idea was. "Would extracting darkness from Riku help?" After a pause he added. "This is Sora again, by the way."

"It would solve most of our problems," Vexen answered, almost immediately. From the glare Even gave him, Sora's Shadow suspected the only reason Vexen hadn't been smacked was because there was a bed and an unconscious Riku between them.

"It _would not,_" Even argued. "Would it buy Riku a little extra time? Yes. But that's about all it would do."

"That's good enough for me!" Sora said, cracking his knuckles.

_Sora! _his Shadow warned, but Sora ignored him. Ignored him!

"Whoa, hang on," Kairi at least, sensed the urgency. She pushed off from the wall she was leaning against, arms falling from her chest. "Do you even know what you're doing?"

Sora hesitated, but only a moment, then he was shrugging Kairi's worry off. "I think I've got a pretty good idea."

_No you don't! _his Shadow screamed at him. _Sora you have no idea what you're about to do! Listen to me!_

"Are you _sure?_" Aerith was the one who asked this time—_Sora, please, listen to Aerith!_—eyes narrowed warily at him. "I know you've… _dealt_ with darkness in the past, but this could be dangerous…"

"What's it matter if it helps Riku?" Sora replied, without a pause this time. "You said he had, what was it? A month, tops, before the darkness reaches fatal levels?" He looked at Even as he asked. "I know you're working on it, and making a lot of progress, but that's still not a long time! If I can do anything to help…"

_Sora, please, don't! _his Shadow shouted, wishing he could grab Sora by the shoulders and shake him._ It's not worth it!_

Sora replied this time. '_This is Riku's life we're talking about. Of course it is.'_

No one argued now, just stood aside and let Sora move to Riku. He poised with his hand over Riku's chest, running over in his mind what he was supposed to do from there. That's as far as Sora's Shadow let him get. He seized control of Sora's body, yanking him backwards.

"Don't you _dare!_" he screamed—the words weren't silent, seeing as he controlled Sora's body, and that included Sora's mouth. "You have literally _no idea _what you're doing!"

"I know it will help Riku," Sora replied. Correction: they were caught with each of them partially in control of the body. Unsurprising, seeing as Sora was struggling.

"IT WON'T HELP _YOU!_"

"C'mon, please—"

"NO! _LISTEN TO ME. _It's not going to _help. _I mean, sure, it'll get the darkness out of Riku, and that's what we're going for, but what did you expect to do with the darkness then? Just throw it to the side? It doesn't _work _like that!" He focused on nothing but getting the words out. He ignored how tight his chest felt. Ignored everyone else in the room. "You can't _do _anything with the darkness but channel it from one thing to another. All it would do is come out of Riku and settle in _you! _And that's not! _NO!_"

'_Then let's find another place to put the darkness,' _Sora suggested. He said it silently this time, but his Shadow hardly noticed. '_Your wolf? Wouldn't that—'_

"SORA! _PLEASE! _Do you even know what being a _conduit _for the darkness would do to you? Don't _do this! _You can't do this! _You're going to hurt yourself!_"

'_If it saves Riku—' _Sora began.

"Stop that! _Stop that! _He's not _worth it!_ He's not _worth _what this is going to do to you! You can't _handle _this much darkness! You can't hold it. You _can't! _Sora, _please, _you can't. I won't let you. I won't let you do this to yourself!"

Sora went silent, and stayed that way for a long moment. Then his churning thoughts caught up to his Shadow, and his Shadow went rigid. Now he realized the tears streaming down his cheeks. How loud he'd been shouting. _What _he'd been shouting, and more importantly _who _in front of. It was bad enough they knew he was here, but now they probably knew—

A wave of nausea passed through him. He couldn't bear to look at anyone in the room, so he stared straight ahead, at nothing. At nothing.

"_Dammit!_ I _hate _you, Sora!" he screamed, and he did not care that the words left Sora's mouth. "I said I hate you and I _mean it! _I hate you! _I hate what you do to me!_"

And then he released what control he held of Sora's body, and he fled. He fled to the deepest reaches of Sora's heart, as deep as he dared. Except you couldn't really run from something that surrounded you completely.


	36. In which Sora makes a promise

Sora took a heaving gasp of air, reaching for something to support him. Kairi was there in a second, and he grabbed her arm, more than grateful that she hadn't left him staggering. He felt… raw. Like he'd been split open and laid bare, like all his insides were now on the outside. Maybe _vulnerable _was the right word.

Perhaps that was how his Shadow felt. The link between them had been snatched from his hands, but Sora could imagine well enough. Shouting _all that _in front of everyone? Even now Sora couldn't bear the weight of all their eyes on him.

He took another shuddering gasp for air, and then he was running. He pulled himself away from Kairi and he ran, easily losing himself in the repeating white walls, running until his stomach caught up to him. He ducked into the nearest room—it was empty, at least—and bent over double, nearly retching in response to the self-hate that was suddenly clawing through him. It was not his, but that didn't mean he didn't feel it like an ocean about to drown him.

Separating himself from the emotions was not easy, even with the link between him and his Shadow momentarily stifled. Stifled as well as it could be, anyway, he knew now. This link was apparently not something you could truly stifle, and the furious pile of emotions warring in his belly made that more than clear.

_It is not mine! _he thought angrily, fingers curling as he tried to hold onto his stomach. At least there was nothing in there to get rid of. _It is not mine! It is not mine! _Three times, for good measure. He did not hate himself. But he was drowning.

"Sora?"

His first instinct was to push Kairi off, except, she was only sitting down next to him. After a shuddering breath he straightened and scooted closer to her, sitting so their knees were touching. Her presence helped cleared his head. Hold onto himself.

"You okay…?" Kairi asked, cautiously, studying him with a face that was mostly worried. He didn't miss the distrust behind her eyes, though.

"Yeah…" he said, with a nod. "For the most part."

"Is he…?"

Sora checked before answering. He reached out to contact his Shadow—that was all he could do, without a name; _hey you! _was not enough—but came up with nothing. Either his Shadow wasn't there, or was ignoring him. Sora couldn't say he minded either way. Not right now.

He shook his head. "No," he told Kairi. "He's not around—or as not around as he can be, anyway."

Kairi nodded. She pushed her hair over her shoulder and leaned back on her arms, laughing to herself. "You're lucky I followed right after you," she said. "I don't think I would've kept up, otherwise. Almost lost you as it was. This Castle's…" She stopped there, shuddering, but there was something of a smile on her lips. She was trying to lighten the mood, and he loved her for it.

"Sorry for running, I guess," Sora said. He scratched his neck. "I was just a little… embarrassed." That was the first word to come to mind, but maybe not the right one. "Or maybe he was. I dunno… It was all…"

Kairi waited for him to gather his thoughts, not pressing, not yet. Sora let out a long breath and moved to rub his arms. There was no telling whether it was actually cold here or if it was just his nerves. He swallowed hard, then having found a good place to start, spoke:

"It's just, I know what he feels for me. I do. I know he loves me, and I know he hates himself for it, but- but _knowing _is different than _feeling _it, and it just hit me again like a blow to a gut." More than the embarrassment of what had happened, it was the reminder that shook them both up so much. The reminder of how much his Shadow cared about him. "This… _this _is why he was able to look me in the eye and tell me to kill him," Sora said. "He was feeling like _this._"

Kairi eyed him warily. "Like what?"

"Like—" Sora stopped to fumble for words, for the right words to explain it. "About ready to puke, because he's so disgusted with himself. Because he can't forgive himself for hurting me, but he can't forgive himself for loving me, either. Because that's everything he's not supposed to be. Because he's my Shadow, and he's supposed to drag me into darkness, but instead it scares him silly when I could potentially damage my heart? He thinks he should be happy about those things, but he's not, and—"

"And so he's so disgusted with himself he'd rather die," Kairi finished. "I get the picture." She wouldn't look at him, but that wasn't enough to completely hide what she was thinking from Sora. They'd known each other far too long. She was upset, she was frustrated, and he wasn't entirely sure what about, but chances were it was just about his Shadow in general.

Sora hugged himself tighter, trying not to think too hard about it lest he lose control of his stomach again. It was hard to forget those moments of screaming and tears and blades bared against each other—hard to forget the pleas of _just kill me! _and _tell me why first! _Most nights Sora'd wished he'd never asked. Now, he wasn't sure. With his Shadow still alive, it was probably best that the secret was out.

"What are you gonna do about him?" Kairi asked, breaking his thoughts.

"I don't know," Sora admitted, reluctantly. "But… but don't you dare try and tell me again that I'm better off without him. That I'm _safer _without him! That's what everyone says. That's what he's terrified of. But I think…" He hesitated, a second, not wanting to say it, not entirely sure. "I think… he's changing, Kairi. I think he already has…"

"Hmm…" Kairi said. She shifted to lean forward, hands in her lap. "Maybe… Maybe the only thing to do with him is… to get him out of here," she tapped Sora's chest, "and then… send him on his way. Then he won't have to constantly face this whole he-loves-you-but-he-hates-you-for-it, and if… if there _are _any chances left that he'd hurt you, he'd be far enough away that you'd see it coming."

Sora scowled. He wished she'd stop saying that. "He won't hurt me…"

Kairi only shrugged. "_Still…_"

He couldn't exactly argue with anything else she'd said. She had a point. It just pained him. He reached up to put a hand to his heart, sighing deeply.

"Is- is it weird to say I don't want him to go?" he was asking before he really realized it. Kairi had that effect on him. He sent her a quick look, cheeks flushing with embarrassment, trying to gauge her response.

She burst out laughing. "Yeah, it's a little weird!" she told him. "Why, though?" Despite the laughter, she was taking it fairly seriously. Or, not angrily or bitterly, anyway, so that was a plus. "Do you have a reason for me?"

"I… I dunno…" Sora swallowed hard. It felt like there was a lump in his throat. "I just… I want to give him the chance. The- The chance to…? I dunno! Change? _Live? _To… be a good person? But, not that, that sounds lame." He grimaced. How to put it? "To be… someone who isn't judged because he's my Shadow, because he's _a _Shadow, because he's apparently some abomination who the worlds are better without, and- and _clearly _I'm the only one who's going to give him that chance!" His voice cracked, and he winced, reaching up to scrub the tears from his eyes.

"That's…" Kairi began.

"It's _true, _Kairi!" he shouted, cutting her off. "Cloud said it was better if he was dead. Mickey saw him and only saw darkness to be destroyed. _You _said it would be better if he was dead!" He wiped his eyes again. And again.

"And I'm _sorry _I said that!" Kairi protested. "But that wasn't what I was going to say now. I was going to say that even though that's very kind of you, it doesn't change the fact that he needs to get over himself, or get over loving you, or _something! _You can't ask him to stick around if—"

"Right. I know," Sora said. He didn't need her to finish.

"I… I really _am _sorry I said he'd be better off dead," Kairi said slowly. Her eyes were fixed on her hands in her lap, and she was rubbing her thumbs together. "I don't trust him, no, I'm not really happy he's around, and I'm not really convinced this isn't some elaborate act or plan of some sort, but… I really shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Sora hesitated, then flashed her a smile and patted her on the knee. There was no point arguing again about it not being an act. He understood why she didn't believe it. Yet. He'd convince her eventually, just, not now. Not today.

"Um, excuse me."

They both looked up. Even was standing there in the doorway, looking apologetic. He cleared his throat and straightened his shirt.

"Ah, is now a bad time?" he asked.

Sora and Kairi exchanged glances. It was as good of a time as any. They'd talked about just about everything there was to talk about, Sora thought. Kairi thought the same, he could tell, by the look in her eyes and her nod.

"No, we were done," Kairi said. She got to her feet, then helped pull Sora up. "Good thing you're here, too—short of a star shard trip we'd have never found our way back."

Even chuckled a little. "The Castle is like that, isn't it?" he said. "Actually, though, I came to tell you something. I'm not sure how worried you are about your Shadow being where he is, Sora, but I imagine you'd like any and all information possible concerning, probably, how to get him out?"

Sora and Kairi exchanged startled glances. How convenient.

"Uh, yeah," Sora agreed, after only a second of surprised hesitation. "Among other things."

Even nodded, as if anticipating that answer. "Well, like I said earlier, I don't know much about Shadows myself, but I think I might know where you can get information. Xehanort spent plenty of time researching darkness when he was an apprentice to Ansem the Wise, he among the other apprentices. If what you're looking for isn't somewhere in the library at Radiant Garden—or, Hollow Bastion, as it goes by now, unfortunately—then what you're looking for might be in one of their research notes." Like Vexen (and many Vexen Replicas) he spoke rapidly, and left little room for interruption. Sora was just grateful Even didn't talk so fast he couldn't keep up. Some of the Vexens did.

"Seriously?" Kairi asked. She sounded like she didn't believe it.

"Wow, thanks!" Sora said. He believed it—he'd seen the library—and while digging through _Xehanort's _research piles didn't sound like a lot of fun, _any _lead was better than Cloud-who-really-had-no-idea.

Even nodded again.

Kairi sighed. "Are we going now, or are we gonna tell Aerith and Namine we're leaving?" Kairi asked. "Or, I don't know, anyone else who might want to know."

"I… I suppose I _should _tell someone where I'm heading so I don't just vanish on everyone again," Even said. He grimaced faintly, but what about, Sora had no clue, and he didn't care to find out right now.

"Well, then let's go do that," Sora said, shooing Even into the hallway, checking to make sure Kairi was following him. The sooner they started looking, the better. _Maybe we'll get lucky, and find a way to get you your own body already, _he told his Shadow. His Shadow didn't reply.

**xxx**

Namine took deep breaths as she eyed Riku, still unconscious, still looking paler than she'd ever seen him—and he'd always been a little pale. Even had gone to get Sora and Kairi, or tell them something, she hadn't entirely been listening. Vexen vanished as well, apparently to find Alpha or 7 or someone to give him a second opinion, though Namine was beginning to think Vexen had just gotten good at sensing when she wanted privacy. Aerith was still here, of course, sitting in the only chair, not far from Riku's cot, and not far from where Namine herself was sitting on the floor.

She didn't stop herself this time, as her fingers moved to Riku's abdomen, moved to push aside his shirt just enough that she could see the scar of purple. It was the same color as the darker parts of his dark suit—which he should be thankful for, at least it wasn't the bright lavender—and it certainly felt to be made of the same… material, if you could call it material. The air in her lungs caught, and tears stung in her eyes. The mark was a reminder, a very painful reminder, of something that should not matter anymore, except that something still haunted her dreams at night, and plenty moments waking, as well.

It was not her fault his darkness malfunctioned like this, of course. But it was her fault he even had the wound to begin with. The memory came back in flashes of images. Riku, in her arms. A slight shift away from him, just enough to get the tip of her blade to his skin. It was at an angle that she stabbed, but it'd been good enough to almost kill him. And if that memory wasn't bad enough, then there was also the memory of his blood on her hands, his blood down the front of her dress—

"Namine?"

She jumped at Aerith's hand on her shoulder, and had to clutch her chest to breathe again. Aerith smiled sadly down at her.

"Are… are you okay, Namine?" Aerith asked.

Namine nodded quickly out of habit. In truth, she wasn't really, but she couldn't take the nod back. Besides, she was as okay as she was expected to be. She pulled her hand away from Riku, swallowing hard. It wouldn't hurt to tell Aerith, though, what was on her mind. Riku put a lot of trust in her.

"It's just, that's where I…" Namine swallowed again. "Where I hurt him…" She shoved the memory out of her mind, this time, not wanting to dwell on it any longer. If she did, she'd remember the satisfaction she'd first felt, and that was the last thing she wanted to do. She felt inches away from breaking into panic as it was.

"It's… not your fault," Aerith said, hesitantly. Namine knew she was only saying it because it was what she'd been told to say, not for any other reason. She didn't fully understand what had happened, and she had no idea what it was like to be Rewritten. Then again, no one did. No one expect Roxas, anyway, but even if she _could _find him, Namine wouldn't go to him. He'd treated the whole thing like a joke the last time they'd talked, and even if it _was _his way of coping, it just made her feel sick.

Still, there was no reason to make Aerith feel bad for trying to help. "I know that," Namine said. "But it still…" She stopped there, shaking her head. There was nothing else to say. No reason to worry Aerith further.

"I'm sorry," Aerith said, so quiet Namine almost missed it. Namine turned to her, confused.

"It's… not _your _fault either?"

Aerith nodded, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. That was a habit she'd developed ever since cutting it. She sniffed a little. It almost looked like she was holding back tears. "I know. I just wish I could go back in time, and… fix everything." She tucked hair behind her ear again. "I know I can't, but you and Riku both have gone through so much more pain than anyone should have to."

Namine blinked a few times, touched, but not sure what to say. She ended up smiling weakly, and that's all she could do, because then Riku was sitting up. He winced and clutched at his head immediately, in a way that made her wonder if it was from pain or to shield his eyes. Maybe both. He suppressed a groan as he backed himself up so he could lean against the wall.

"Ahg, what happened?" he muttered.

"Yuffie said that you were having trouble with the darkness when you were fighting Heartless," Aerith explained, with a hesitant glance at Namine. Namine frowned a little, wondering what the glance was for. "You passed out before she could get you to me."

Riku nodded. "And you brought me here to have the dynamic duo tell me they can't do anything, right," he said, and he groaned. The groan, Namine realized, was for the sight of his arms, which both had purple spots in a couple different places.

"I couldn't do anything about that, either," Aerith said. "I'm sorry."

Riku shook his head. "Nah, not your fault." He rubbed at his arm, though. Namine wondered how strange those spots must have felt. "What's the verdict?" he asked. "They said they couldn't do anything, huh?"

"Yeah, they did," Namine answered. "Even thinks he has a quicker way to translate your data, though, so it shouldn't be too long now." She wondered if she should tell him about the time limit they'd put on it. Or perhaps what Sora's Shadow had done to his darkness…?

"They…" Aerith cleared her throat before she could continue. "They said you only have a month before… before the darkness reaches fatal levels." Riku hardly blinked.

"Yeah. I knew."

"You _knew?_"

Riku nodded. "They told me last time I was here."

"And you didn't _say _anything?"Aerith's voice trembled, and her hands curled in her lap. Something about the air around her made Namine's chest clench.

"Didn't want to worry you," Riku said.

"Didn't want to worry me," Aerith repeated. She nodded, and then she laughed, once, sharply. "Well, you should stop that. Both of you." She sent a stern look at Namine as well as Riku, and Namine found herself cringing. "What's the point of having a family if you don't worry them? That's what you're supposed to do. And I worry anyway! There's no point in… not telling me things…"

"Sorry," Namine mumbled, and Riku echoed her.

Aerith nodded to herself. Namine looked to Riku, and he sent her a shrug and a sheepish look—unconsciously, she mirrored it. Then Riku looked up, to the doorway. Even'd returned, with Sora and Kairi at his heels.

Even looked around, and then grimaced. "Right, Vexen's not here. Oh well. Would one of you mind telling him—or, anyone, really—that I'm going to show Sora and Kairi the library in Ansem the Wise's castle? I think there might be research notes that could help them there."

"The library?" Aerith asked. It was hard to miss the tone of excitement in her voice. "That's right! We've been meaning to look through there for some of Ansem's old notes. Would it be a problem if I came along?"

"I suppose not," Even said. He looked between Namine and Riku, and sighed. "And I suppose you two will want to come along as well?"

Namine nodded, as there was no reason for just her and Riku to stay here, and Riku said they might as well at this point, and Even sighed again. "I'll just write a note," he said, moving to the nearest desk. "Someone will find it—normally I wouldn't bother, but I fear leaving this place again without notice would cause too many problems. Two seconds, and then we'll go. I hope one of you has transportation."


	37. In which we go TO THE LIBRARY!

Sora'd been to Hollow Bastion's library before, so there wasn't a moment of surprise or anything. He did remember there being _other _places around here that were scattered with books, though, and he wondered when they'd have to start looking through those… He'd just finished with the thoughts when Even seemed to answer them.

"Just grab whatever stands out to you, don't worry about trying to grab everything potentially relevant. I'll send some Replicas over here later to comb through everything at length. Most of them certainly have more than enough time on their hands and nothing to do with it—it'll be good for them!" He chuckled to himself, moving for one of the doors. "Anyway, I'm going to see if I can rummage up anyone's old research notes." And then he was gone.

Everyone else exchanged glances, and then each of them started to a different section of the library to look. Books on darkness were generally what they were looking for, because information on Shadows could be _anywhere. _

"Oh, by the way," Aerith called, as she started up the steps to the second floor of the library. "If anyone finds any books on plants or herbs, pull them out for me. Okay? I'm trying to do some research…"

Riku was the first to respond with a "sure thing!", but everyone else responded in kind. Sora headed up the stairs as well, seeing as Kairi and Riku and Namine probably had the bottom floor covered.

"Hey Riku?" Namine said.

"Yeah?"

"There's a book on the very top of this shelf and I want it."

Riku groaned. "If I have to spend this whole time running around to reach the books on high shelves for everyone I'm just going to leave." He still went to get Namine's book, though.

"Call me next time, Namine," Kairi said, with a laugh. "I could've probably reached it. I'm almost as tall as him."

"You're at least half a foot shorter."

"I still could've reached it!"

Sora laughed and shook his head, moving to the nearest bookshelf and running his eyes over the titles on the spines. Anything with darkness in the title… or hearts, maybe? Unfortunately, most of the titles were in a language he didn't recognize. Latin, he thought, as he squinted at one of the thick volumes he pulled off the shelf. _What language is _Sheto, _anyway_? _Not Latin, I'm assuming, _he asked his Shadow, but his Shadow was still ignoring him. Sora sighed and put the book back on the shelf.

"What did you want those books on plants for, anyway?" he asked, turning to glance at Aerith, who was flipping through a book she held in her arms.

"Oh," she said. "I'm planning another garden, to go outside the infirmary. My mom has plenty of notes written about herbs, but I thought it couldn't hurt to see if there were any plants she missed." She shrugged and frowned down at the book in her hands, then snapped it shut and put it back on the shelf.

Sora nodded, to say he understood. It seemed like a pretty reasonable thing to do. He started pulling books down at random (provided they were in a language he could read), flipping through their table of contents, and setting the few that sounded useful on the ground in a stack. Aerith's stack went in her arms, though she only had two books so far. Sora eyed her sideways, debating the question he wanted to ask her.

She noticed his glances after a moment, and watched him expectantly. Sora cleared his throat.

"Well… What do _you_ think of my Shadow still being around?" That was his question. Namine and Riku didn't know enough about his Shadow—or about Shadows in general—to fully form an opinion on him. Aerith did.

Aerith slowly put a book back on the shelf, determining it was not what she wanted. She didn't move to look at any other books, though. She seemed to be thinking about his question. "I… I can't say for certain, Sora," she told him, with a shake of her head. "I've… met your Shadow. You remember, don't you? You were there, at least one of the times."

"Yeah…" Sora sighed and ran his fingers over the spines of the books in front of him, not wanting to look at Aerith. "He taunted you… Cloud attacked him…" So much for hoping that Aerith would think kindly of his Shadow. But things had been so _different, _then…

His Shadow had acted almost like a different person. So casual with his cruel words, and all his talk about anger and darkness…

_"Oh, you're protecting me now, are you?" _he'd laughed, when Sora'd put himself between him and Cloud's blade.

_"Never," _Sora had replied. He'd only done it to keep a fight from starting in Aerith's dining room. Funny how the tides had turned. And so much for that _never. _

"He's changed, though…" he told Aerith, swallowing. "Or… I think he has." It was hard to think he hadn't, when Sora hadn't heard his Shadow once taunt anyone lately. He'd been sarcastic, and he'd been cruel, but he hadn't done either and enjoyed it—he'd done them out of anger.

"Has he?" Aerith asked, looking at him. The question sounded genuine—it was not distrustful or suspicious, and that made something warm bubble inside Sora. He did not dare think the feeling belonged to his Shadow. Besides, the link between them was mostly stifled, at the moment.

Sora nodded. "Yeah, he—" He just caught himself before he spoke without thinking. His Shadow had made him promise not to tell anyone about his love, and Sora'd only broken that promise to tell Kairi. Sora reconsidered his words before he spoke, deciding what he could say that wouldn't reveal too much.

"Maleficent… kidnapped me," he said instead, watching for Aerith's reaction. Most people jumped at that. "I... I think you knew? Cloud told you, didn't he?"

Aerith nodded, at least. Sora sighed a little in relief and rest his hand on one of the shelves. That was one less thing to explain. Aerith looked like she wanted to ask something further, but she didn't, even after Sora waited long enough to give her the chance.

"Well, somehow, Maleficent stifled the connection between me and my Shadow when she did, and it… it did something to him," Sora continued. "I- I don't know what." That was a lie, but he'd promised not to say, and besides, it wasn't like he knew _how _it had happened. "But he hasn't really been the same since then, since we got back in contact with each other."

"He did seem different, this time, compared to the other times," Aerith agreed. She started to turn her attention to the bookshelf, but paused with a hand on one of the books to turn to him again. "And… he seemed really worried about you," she added.

Sora felt the blush rise to his cheeks, and turned away. He wanted to blame his Shadow, but his Shadow wasn't listening—he would've said something long before now if he had been—so the blush couldn't be _his. _The worst part? Aerith's eyes glinted like she knew.

"That- that's part of it," Sora said, and it was all he could say, would say. There was nothing he could do about Aerith piecing it all together, though, and he wouldn't deny it if she asked. There was only so much lying he was willing to do.

Aerith didn't press, thankfully. Instead she sighed. "I have to say, though, Sora… The one thing I know about Shadows—"

"Is that they have to die, huh?" Sora finished, on a guess. There wasn't another likely way she'd end that.

Aerith hummed a little in affirmation, and she pulled down the book she had her hand on, flipping idly through its pages.

"Well, I'm not taking that for an answer," Sora told her. "Not now. There's gotta be another way, and… I'll find it. I will."

"I hope you do," Aerith said. "And, honestly, I think everyone in this room—if not everyone back at my house as well, though you'll have to tell them—will be willing to help you look for it."

Sora's eyes widened a little. "Really? You think so?"

"Maybe not all of us are certain about him, but we're certain about you, Sora," Aerith said. She smiled at him, putting the book back on the shelf. "Friends help their friends."

Sora smiled as well at the thought, it was a nice thought, but he couldn't keep the smile for long. "I'm… not really looking forward to telling everyone about him, though," he said. By _everyone, _he really only meant _everyone in Aerith's house, _in this case. Aerith seemed to understand what he meant, though.

"They'll understand," she assured him. "Or, at the very least, they'll take your word. If you think your Shadow has changed, can change, then I trust you and your judgement on him. That should be enough for everyone else, as well."

_It wasn't enough for Kairi, _Sora thought, but that wasn't something he could tell Aerith—and it was something he understood. His Shadow was not kind to those in Hollow Bastion, but there was a difference between a few unkind words and a deception that lasted for two months.

To change the subject, and to get his mind off that, Sora hefted one of the books he had. "Hey, chances this'll have any answers for Riku?" he asked.

Aerith laughed a little. "Unlikely," she answered.

Sora laughed as well, shrugging and putting the book back. "Worth a shot." He hesitated, then swallowed. "You worried about him?"

"He's family, of course I am!" Aerith replied. "I'm worried, and a little scared for him, to be honest… But, there's nothing I can do except leave it in Even and Vexen's hands. At least they seem to know how to fix it before it's too late." She piled two more books into her arms, then sent a glance at Sora. "What about you?" she asked. "Are you worried about him?"

"He's a good friend," Sora answered, with a shrug. "I really hope they can figure it out in time…" He licked his lips. "I'm… I'm sorry, by the way. For what my Shadow did to Riku."

"You're not the one who should be apologizing, Sora."

"Still…"

He cleared his throat, and turned his attention back to the bookshelves. He and Aerith didn't talk much after that, and besides shouts across the library about what they were looking for again, _would this be useful?, _and so on, everyone was in near silence until Even returned. He gave Sora a handful of papers and one notebook, and Aerith another stack of papers, pocketing a completely separate notebook bulging with loose papers for himself.

They all decided to be done, after that, seeing as Even was going to send Vexen Replicas along later to further scan the shelves. After some deliberation, they all took their own stacks of books to read through—except the two plant books, which went to Aerith. Sora could have looked through all the books everyone had found (eleven, total), but it would take him ages, so they decided to split the work.

"It's not like I don't have the spare time," Riku said, and Namine and Kairi were fairly quick to agree.

Books in hand, they all went their separate ways. Or, Riku and Namine and Aerith figured they'd just walk back to Aerith's house from here, since they were on the same world and it wasn't too far. Sora and Kairi had to give Even a lift back to Castle Oblivion before they could head home themselves.

Once home, Sora plopped the books and papers on his bed, then sighed at his clock on the wall. It was late afternoon, but… If he didn't do it now, he'd forget again. And as much as he wanted to get researching, he left the books where they were, and headed down to the docks to talk to his dad.

* * *

**End of Part 2**


	38. Pt3 - In which Riku has a bad dream

**AN/ **Hey! Alright, so, the FtPverse _FIVE YEAR_ anniversary is coming up on August 9th! I'd really like to do something _super special, _and while I have a special scene planned to write, I kinda wanted to do a "you ask me questions and I answer them in a video" sort of thing, if you guys are interested!

You can submit questions in a review (or an ask on tumblr, or, as a pm) - or if you don't have any burning questions about ftpverse, you can just suggest something for me to talk about! a character, a relationship, a chapter, a plot point, whatever! I'm taking questions up until August 1st!

Oh yeah, and there's a new ASAS chapter (88) that's sort of relevant to this!

* * *

**Part 3**

**_Respect_**

* * *

Braig cracked his neck before plopping down on one of the couches in the Grey Area. The World that Never Was was in pristine condition, so long as you ignored the dust, and the Replicas still wandering about. There weren't a lot of them, and Braig didn't care enough to scare them off—if the Vexen from the other universe hadn't already told everyone that he and Xehanort were coming back, then Even certainly would. Besides, the Replicas all left _him _alone, so why should he bother _them_?

"You sure we shouldn't just try and get the Replica Program again?" he asked, as a dark corridor opened in front of him. He knew that Xehanort would step out. One of the "perks" to having a piece of Xehanort in his own chest.

"Are you still caught up on that, Braig?" Xehanort laughed. The dark corridor closed, and Xehanort sat down in the couch across from Braig, looking quite comfortable. He was still flaunting Terra's body, but, there was no reason he shouldn't be. Braig tried not to envy him as he draped his own arm over the back of the couch, the mere action making his old bones creak. What he wouldn't give for a young new body himself. Too bad that wasn't part of the deal.

Braig shrugged, lazily. "Creating a Replica and shoving your heart into them before they're fully conscious seems a lot easier than any other methods of getting a vessel, is all I'm saying."

"You just want another Replica of yourself, don't you?" Xehanort asked, kicking his feet onto the coffee table between them.

Braig put his hands up in defeat, seeing as he couldn't really defend himself there. "It was nice having two of me," he admitted. "Plus, I mean, we could have anyone we wanted, with that technology."

"Except neither of us know how to use it, and Even's changed the passwords," Xehanort said. His eyes glinted, and there was a slight smile on his lips. "Though, I suppose that would bring us up to three, wouldn't it?"

"Exactly!" Braig said, grinning.

"_But,_" Xehanort argued. "We'd have to take the Program by force, since Even cannot be convinced nor threatened into handing it over." For the most part, he sounded casual, but there was a sting in his voice. The grin slipped from Braig's face, just for a moment.

"Don't you think we're enough to take it by ourselves?" Braig asked, scratching absentmindedly at the scar on his cheek—an old habit more than anything else. "Riku's long gone from there, and he was really the only thing _close _to a threat defending that Program."

"We _could _take it by ourselves," Xehanort said. "Except, there's no point if we don't have someone to work it for us, is there?"

"I guess not," Braig agreed, with only a second of hesitation. "Maybe I should start harassing the Replicas still wandering around here… What do you think, boss?"

Xehanort nodded. "That sounds like a fine idea."

Braig racked his mind to recall all the Replicas he'd seen. He'd need a Vexen, for sure. It was a good thing there'd been a handful of them around—he just had to hope they were _still _around, and that one of them knew how to work the Program. Not all of them did.

"Anyway," Braig said. "How many vessels did you say we needed, again?"

"Thirteen."

Braig laughed. "Thirteen! Right. Why did I ask? I knew that. And Sora's first on the list, isn't he?" He didn't need to ask that, either, because he knew Sora was their first target. "You sure about him, though?"

"I almost had him once," Xehanort replied. "I don't think he'll be so hard to claim again."

"If you say so, boss." Braig did a quick count in his head. "That'd bring us up to four. We'll still need nine."

At this, Xehanort smiled. If Braig had not had a piece of Xehanort inside him, if he had not gotten used to this smile over the years, it would've sent chills down his spine.

"Don't worry about that, Braig. I have someone else in mind."

**xxx**

Riku sat up, stifling his gasp so that he would not wake Namine—he sent a glance across the room at her, in her bed, to check, and let out a sigh of relief. He hadn't woken her. That was good. She could use all the sleep she could get, lately. Even if her nightmares about him and Larxene had stopped, she still seemed to get nightmares, and he wasn't sure how he was supposed to help her. She hadn't suggested sleeping in the same bed again, and he didn't dare bring it up.

Riku wiped the sweat from his brow, then raked his fingers through his hair. He was still a little surprised when his fingers came out of it much sooner than they normally did, since it was short now. What had it been about that dream that'd unsettled him so much? There wasn't much to remember, but…

He reached over to scratch at his arm, to pick at the patches of skin where his dark suit had tried to… heal him? No one was sure why it'd started attempting to repair him like it would repair itself, but Riku knew it was annoying. The spots drove him nuts.

But, anyway… the dream.

It'd been dark, and he'd been standing on something he couldn't see. Or, had he been floating? He couldn't remember. There'd been… someone else there, though. Someone Riku thought reminded him of Xemnas, except, he'd been much too young.

And that was all Riku could remember, outside of words that still rang in his ears.

"_Funny how one little mistake could cause so much pain. Look at all the damage you've done—but, then again, should you really expect anything else from yourself?_"

Riku shuddered, taking deep breaths.

Those words were followed by more. Xion's slurred voice and the feel of her fist in his eye. "_You're not a hero. You're the cause of all of this._" Alpha's tone that fell just short of accusing. "_The least you could do is help us to make up for it._" One mistake had caused an entire rebellion. _His _mistake had caused over a hundred people a lot of pain, if not cost them their lives.

Riku took even deeper breaths, picking at his skin until it hurt. He'd break the skin around the patches of dark suit before he broke _it_—he knew that well enough by now—but he couldn't make himself stop. Heart throbbing in his ears, he got to his feet and formed an unsteady dark corridor, despite knowing he shouldn't, despite how the slight amount of darkness it took to form a corridor simultaneously filled him with adrenaline and made him so dizzy he could hardly stand.

It was not, exactly, a surprise when the corridor opened to Destiny Islands.

Or, he did not register any surprise, anyway.

He only stumbled barefoot into the sand, not noticing how cold it was between his toes, either. It was later morning than it had been back in Hollow Bastion, based on his internal clock and the faint glimmer of light on the horizon signaling the sun would be up soon, but the sand was still cold from the hours of darkness.

"_Funny how one little mistake…_"

Riku trudged into the ocean, attempting to block out the words as best as he could.

"_…could cause so much pain._"

He grit his teeth and closed his eyes. Focused on how the waves sounded beating against the shore, not on a list of people he'd harmed, even indirectly, through one hasty action. Focused on how the waves felt pounding against his skin. It was calming. It was grounding.

And it was so easy to let the waves drown out all other thought.


	39. In which, wait, where'd he go

**Update Apr 2016: **Changed the wording of the date convo to clarify that Riku and Namine Aren't Technically Dating more, uh, obviously than it was initially. This is important to me because reasons.

* * *

Namine paused at the bottom of the stairs. The sight of Aerith sitting on the couch facing the staircase, reading, was a familiar sight—she was the only other person ever up this early in the morning—but it lacked one Riku. And, he hadn't been in their room when Namine'd woken up...

"Uh, is Riku…?" Namine began, but wasn't sure how to finish.

"I… haven't seen him," Aerith answered.

"Oh…"

Aerith sighed deeply, then placed a piece of paper in her book and shut it, tossing it on the coffee table—which was now stacked with quite a few books taken from the castle's library. Aerith looked at Namine, looking like she much didn't want to say whatever it was she was about to. Namine tried not to cringe with anticipation, but she was rooted to the spot with it.

"He doesn't have another revenge plot planned, does he?" Aerith said. Namine wasn't sure if she was joking. She didn't look like she was, and she only barely sounded like she might be, plus this wasn't something Aerith was likely to joke about. Not to mention, knowing Riku…

Namine swallowed. Shook her head. "Uh, I don't think so?" He hadn't mentioned anything to her. Though, they weren't really talking at length right now. And, he hadn't mentioned Larxene either… She'd just known. Still—"I mean, Vexen is the only person I think he'd even _potentially _go after," she said. "And I thought they got along last I checked, so…" She laughed a little, out of nervousness more than anything else.

Aerith appeared startled, Namine thought, but the expression was gone before she was sure.

"I suppose he could just be out in town," Aerith said.

"He's not suppose'ta go out on his own, though," Cid said. Namine hastily moved out of the way of the staircase, flushing red as she did so. It was a surprise to see _Cid _up this early, though, given the bags under his eyes and the mug of what had probably been coffee in his hand, he could've just still been _up._

"Well, no, but short of hunting him down—if he's even on this World—there's nothing we can do about that, is there?" Aerith replied, with another heavy sigh. The whole point of Riku not going out on his own was only to avoid him running into some Heartless he couldn't handle, namely, any that could cast Thunder magic. That said, Aerith glared at Cid. "You haven't been up all night, have you?"

"How d'you know I didn't jus' get up early?" Cid argued, moving towards the kitchen.

"Because I know you, Cid," Aerith replied. If she'd been standing, her hands would've been on her hips. "You better be heading to put that mug in the sink and then head up to bed, not to get another cup of coffee."

Cid groaned, and despite what Aerith said, started filling his mug again. "Listen, I'm almos' done with these blueprints that Leon wanted tomorrow—uh, today. I'll go to bed right after that."

"And then it'll be time to get up," Namine said. She didn't say it very loudly, because teasing made her nervous, but it was too quiet in the house right now for her to not be heard. Aerith laughed a little, and after a second, Cid did too.

"Yeah, I wish I were like you 'n Riku! Not needing sleep at all most nights? That'd be nice." Cid took a sip of his coffee, then grimaced slightly. "Speakin' of, what was that about Riku being missin' again?"

"Neither of us has seen him," Aerith answered. "And neither of us knows where he is. And if he's out in town—"

"Oh, give him an hour or so, he'll probably come back without us searchin' for him!" Cid told her, waving aside her worries and taking a longer sip of his coffee. "I'm sure he's _fine_!"

"But if he runs into any Heartless—"

"He can take 'em!"

"If they're…"

"Aerith, really! He's a big boy, ain't he?"

"Maybe Vexen needed him…?" Namine suggested. She couldn't really think of any _other _reason he'd vanish.

"Or he could've headed to the library to get a new book to browse through," Cid added.

Aerith looked between the two of them, then sighed. "Alright, fine, I'll give him another hour," she said. "Cid…"

"I gotta finish these blueprints, Aerith."

"But after that?"

"I'll go to bed, sure," Cid said. He made for the stairs again. "And I'm positive Riku's alright, so stop worrying 'bout him!" He plodded back up the stairs before Aerith could respond.

Aerith let out another long sigh, then got up and headed to the kitchen to do something about the coffee maker. Instead of putting it away, like Namine first expected, she started it up with a fresh batch.

"Well, Namine, do you want to wait for Riku, or do you want to go on our walk without him?" Aerith asked. Namine moved a few steps to the side so they could see each other better. Then she coughed and cleared her throat.

"Uh, actually… I was thinking about heading to Castle Oblivion, to see if he's there," Namine said.

"Oh." Aerith studied her a moment, then shrugged and nodded. "Okay. Come back and let me know, alright?"

"Yeah."

Namine formed a dark corridor around herself.

**xxx**

Sora pushed waffles around his plate, paying more attention to the open notebook on the table next to them than the waffles themselves. They didn't really taste good—but, hardly any food had tasted good to him in months. The notebook was one of Ienzo's old journals, not that Sora really knew who Ienzo was, or, who he _had_ been. The journal didn't have any info on Shadows, unfortunately—at least not yet—but it had plenty of info on darkness and hearts and such.

'_And absolutely none of it has been useful so far,' _Kano said, with a groan.

Kano was the name they'd chosen for Sora's Shadow, after a few days and quite a few insincere suggestions from Kairi. (_Kanuha_ had been Sora's favorite.) Things between the two of them were… _better, _though that was all Sora could really say about it.

_Well, we've got to look somewhere, don't we? _Sora replied, carefully taking a bite of his now-more-than-soggy waffles, so that he would not spill syrup on the notebook. _And since you aren't eager to _ask _anyone…_

_ 'No one we know is going to have an answer, Sora, how many times do I have to—' _He broke off, though Sora knew how the end of that sentence finished well enough with their link. The link also told him _why _Kano'd broken off, but Sora had trouble making sense of that until Kano was explaining it. '_Someone's upstairs, they used a dark corridor.'_

Sora was getting up before he'd finished, moving to take his plate to the kitchen.

'_Hurry up!' _Kano urged. '_Before they come down and cause problems!' _He could not nod or otherwise gesture, but Sora felt his mind firmly fix on the fact Sora's mother was sitting in the chair in the corner of the front room, sewing. That was as good as any gesture could've been.

_ I have to put my plate in the sink! _Sora replied. _Any idea who it is?_

_ 'Just because I can sense a dark corridor from twenty feet away doesn't mean I can tell _who _came through it. It's a miracle I can even sense the dark corridor, with my senses all muddled from being in here.' _Sora got the idea that Kano was pouting, and he tried not to smile. After a hesitation, Kano added: '_It's probably not Riku.'_

Sora did not need to ask why he thought that. Their link let him just know. Kano thought he'd be able to sense Riku's darkness, and since he _couldn't_…

_I'm going, _Sora told him, pausing only long enough to grab the notebook off the table. He was extremely grateful his mom did not ask why he had not finished breakfast, nor ask where he was going.

Who he found in his room was definitely not Riku. It was Namine, looking a little confused and quite a bit worried. She stood very rigid, and waved awkwardly at him. Sora smiled broadly at her, a smile he'd been told could ease the tiredest man's worries, and walked past her like it was no big deal she was here, moving to put the notebook on his bed. He would've just tossed it from the doorway—it definitely would've made it—but the book was in such pristine condition that he wanted to be extra careful with it.

"What's up?" Sora asked, as he moved.

"Uh, have you… seen Riku?" Namine asked. She relaxed visibly, but she did not move to stand any less awkwardly in the middle of the room. Sora tried not to look at the piles of clothes on his floor and reminded himself that Namine had seen his room this bad on a regular basis.

'_For someone who hates to clean, I'm surprised you care so much when people see the mess,' _Kano laughed.

Sora ignored him, focusing instead on Namine's question. "Uhhh, no?" he answered, unsure why she would think he would have seen Riku. "Is he missing?"

'_Didn't last time he go missing he go on a revenge plot of some sort?' _Kano said.

Sora scowled, then immediately masked it so as not to confuse Namine.

_I don't know, I wasn't there—how would _you_ know?_

"Well, he wasn't in Hollow Bastion this morning, and I just checked Castle Oblivion, but he wasn't there either," Namine answered. Then she shrugged. "Maybe he's gone back to Hollow Bastion by now…"

"Do… you wanna look for him?" Sora asked, studying her carefully. Kano was right. A missing Riku did not exactly seem like a good thing.

"Mm… no, that's okay," Namine said. "He hasn't been gone _that_ long, and I really don't think he's _up _to anything, I just thought I'd check the two most likely places for him to have gone… just in case, y'know?"

Sora raised his eyebrows. "Castle Oblivion and _here_?"

Namine shrugged, raising her shoulders up to her ears. "Maybe he wanted to talk to you? I don't know… Seems unlikely he'd come here without telling you or Kairi, though." Slowly, she smiled. "I already asked Kairi if she'd seen him, and her answer was 'no, go away, it's too early to be awake'." Her smile got a little wider as she finished speaking, and then she laughed.

Sora laughed with her. "That's Kairi alright! Still, Riku could be anywhere on this island, so, if you want to—"

"It's fine," Namine interrupted. "I really don't think he'd have come and not talked to either of you two…"

Sora wasn't so sure about that, but the last thing he wanted to do was press her. He'd done that one too many times already. '_It was only once,' _Kano pointed out, but Sora just told him that once was definitely one time too many.

"Uhm… by the way…" Namine cleared her throat. "How are things between you and your…?" She trailed off, though Sora could not say he blamed her for not being eager to finish that sentence.

"There, y'know… going," Sora answered, with a shrug of his own. Kano grumbled something indistinct that Sora didn't want to bother deciphering. It was probably just discomfort at being the current topic of choice, anyway. "We, uh, figured out what to call him, by the way. Kano."

"Kano, huh?"

"Yeah. Only thing he could agree on."

"Well, I guess if it's _his _name…"

"True." Sora smiled a little, scratching at his nose. He gestured for her to take a seat in his desk chair, seeing as it was getting awkward for them to stand here as they talked. He plopped down onto his bed himself, moving the notebook and stack of papers that Even had given him out of his way.

"So, how are things between you and, uh, Kano?" Namine asked. She carefully sat down in the chair—Sora was glad his desk wasn't too surrounded by dirty clothes—Kano laughed a little at him, again, for caring so much.

Sora shrugged again. "Like I said, they're… going." He pulled up his feet under him. "I, uh, guess I never told you, but I'm actually kind of glad he's here? Or, that he's not dead, anyway… We're… adjusting." Probably more to sharing a body than anything else, really.

'_Why does she even _care_?' _Kano moaned.

_She's my friend just as much as Kairi is, _Sora replied.

"That's… that's good, then," Namine said. She nodded.

Sora smiled at her, absentmindedly picking at his bedsheets. "Yeah…" he agreed. He and Kano could get along, for the most part, though Kano hated talking at length. At the very least, he'd caught Kano thinking less about wanting to die again, though that still hung in the air. _But, _it'd only been a few days. Sora had to keep reminding himself of that. Things never got better overnight.

"Oh! I talked to my parents, by the way," he said. This was something Namine would definitely be interested in. "And showed 'em my Keyblade for proof, like you said to."

Namine raised her eyebrows, though the look she gave him appeared as if she expected the rest of what he had to say. "Really? Did it work?"

"Well, I think I maybe have my dad convinced, but my mom…" He sighed. Shook his head. He wished he had better news for her.

"You'd think a giant magic key would be enough proof for anyone," Namine said, with a little laugh. She laughed much like she wasn't sure of the joke she was making.

"Who knows, with that spell on this Island!" Sora replied. "Maybe they'll come around eventually. It hasn't been that long, yet." He felt disgust and a little anger flare through Kano, but no ill-comments were said about his parents, and then Kano cut off contact with him. Whether it was because he didn't want to talk about Sora's parents, or he'd had enough of Namine's company, Sora couldn't say, but he wouldn't be surprised by either. Small steps, Sora told himself, and kept telling himself. Small steps.

He waited a bit for Namine to say something, and when she did not, he asked: "So, how are things going with you?"

"Uhm, besides a missing Riku, good, I guess," Namine said. She shrugged slowly, picking at the edges of her skirt.

"Are… are you _sure _you don't want to look for him?" Sora asked, studying her carefully.

She nodded. "Yeah, I'm sure. If he hasn't returned by, I don't know, _lunchtime, _maybe then I'll be worried, but…" She shrugged. "He's allowed to have a few hours to himself, isn't he? I guess it's kinda worrying he told no one he was leaving, but…" She shrugged, again, sighing.

"If you're sure," Sora said, and though she did not sound sure, they left it at that. Sora didn't want to press her, if he did not have to, even though pressing here wouldn't end as disastrously as it had last time.

'_You sure Riku's safe to leave on his own, though?' _Kano asked.

Sora spared an internal glare for him. _Since when were you listening? I thought you were tired of this conversation._

_ 'Just saying…'_

Sora rolled his eyes and shook his head, then flushed at Namine's questioning look. "Sorry. Kano," he answered.

"Ah…"

Sora shifted how he was sitting, mostly out of discomfort. To change the subject, he said: "Hey, how are things between you and Riku, anyway?"

Namine shifted as well. "They're… going," she answered. She wouldn't look directly at him.

"That bad?" Sora grimaced, feeling bad for her, though he was quite surprised, too. They'd had plenty of time by now to patch things up. Well, okay, it hadn't quite been a month yet, if Sora had his time right—he might not, keeping track of time had become much harder, somehow, even with a calendar to reference every day. Still.

Namine just shrugged. She started picking at her fingers instead of her skirt. "I mean, they're… better, I guess, it's just felt… It's been awkward." She licked her lips. "It feels like, I don't know. It's not the same as it used to be, which I guess is good? But I don't really like it…"

Sora thought for a moment, taking time to rack his brain.

"Hmm… You could try going on a date?" he suggested.

"What, _really?_"

Sora supposed he should not be as surprised as he was at Namine's surprise.

"Dates are, like, what you're _supposed _to do when you're dating," he said. "And I guess you two haven't even been on one…"

"Well, we aren't really _dating,_" Namine argued. "I don't know what to call mine and Riku's relationship, but it's not…"

Sora nodded quickly, to show he understood. "Okay, that's fair," he said. "But, I mean, still… A date might not be a bad idea. I guess? The whole concept of a date is getting to know each other better and, even if you and Riku don't necessarily need _that, _spending some time alone together ad away from everyone else might, I dunno, make you talk about things you wouldn't otherwise." Sora shrugged. That was the _idea, _anyway, as far as he knew. He'd never _been _on a date, though…

'_Hey, wait,' _Kano said, rather abruptly. '_You aren't suggesting—'_

"What!?" It took Sora a second to realize what Kano meant, and once he did, he flushed. "No, I didn't mean _you,_" he protested. Okay, maybe he'd _thought _about taking Kano on a date for a second there, considering that whole 'getting to know each other better' thing might help _them, _but that didn't mean he honestly _meant _it!

"Uh, Sora?" Namine asked, eyebrows raised at him.

Sora flushed harder. His cheeks felt like they were on fire.

"Not you, Namine!" he said. "I meant, Kano. Sorry."

'_You WERE_ _seriously considering it, Sora, don't deny it!' _Kano argued, ignoring that now wasn't a good time.

Sora scowled hard, perhaps twice as hard as he needed to, because the persistent heat in his cheeks was annoying on top of Kano being… _Kano_.

"I was not! Besides, it wouldn't even work when we're—" Sora broke off, scowling even harder, blushing even harder, trying not to look at Namine. It was embarrassing how often this kept happening to him. _When we're in the same body, _he finished, silently.

It wouldn't be easy to put words to the string of emotions he got in response from Kano, but if Sora had to, he'd definitely say surprise, maybe disgust, and—no, it was better if he didn't think about it. _That _was a problem they could not solve until they were in separate bodies again.

"So… you really think a date might help?" Namine asked.

Sora was incredibly grateful she left it at that, and didn't comment on how much of a fool he'd made of himself. He nodded.

"Yeah. It's worth a shot, anyway."

"Okay." She nodded as well, slowly, considering it. After a second she straightened, eyes lighting up in a way that told Sora she'd remembered something. "That's right. I should probably tell you that we've all been—or, Aerith and Riku and me have been—looking through those books for you. I… I don't think anyone's found anything, though. Or, I haven't, anyway…"

"Well, that's alright!" Sora told her. He smiled. "I mean, the fact you guys are even _looking _for me…" It was awfully kind of them, and he wasn't quite sure how he could really ever express how thankful he was. Oh, he'd have to go back to the library sometime, to see if those Replicas that Even had sent had found anything… Maybe later today.

"I don't have much else to do with my days," Namine answered. "Sometimes I help Aerith in the Infirmary, but otherwise… Drawing is only fun for so long."

"Thank you for looking," Sora said, keeping the smile on his face, to show her how grateful he was. He sent a glance around his room. "Do you, uh? Wanna do something?" He squinted at his clock. "It's… we could probably go bug Kairi now, and she wouldn't kill us."

"Oh, actually, I should probably head back to Hollow Bastion," Namine said. She got to her feet. "I only told Aerith I was going to Castle Oblivion, so… I should head back before I worry her…"

Sora nodded. "Yeah, that'd probably be a good idea." He got to his feet to see her off, though all they ended up doing was waving semi-awkwardly at each other before she formed another dark corridor.

'_Is she always like that…?' _Kano asked, a few moments after she'd gone. Oddly, his tone seemed to be genuinely curious—the bit of snide mixed in almost felt just for show.

_I guess so, yeah, _Sora said. She'd always been a little out of place in conversations, like she was never quite sure how to interact. He thought it was worse now than it had ever been, but it was hard to remember what had happened nearly a year ago now, when she'd first come here. So it was hard to compare.

'_Right…' _Now Kano sounded—felt—like he didn't care anymore.

"Back to research, then," Sora muttered, flopping back onto his bed and reaching for the notebook again.


	40. In which Sora reluctantly has a convo

**AN/ **Three things! 1) Sorry this is late, between writing a fic for Namine (you can find it in that "More than a Shadow" fic I posted recently, it's the last chapter) and traveling, I haven't had much time!

2) to the reviewer who asked about Kano's name, I'm fairly positive it means neither flowers (hana) nor music (ongaku)! The translation google gave me for it was "deer field" but it wasn't chosen because of it's meaning, but because I liked how it sounded! There was a guy in a manga with the same name and it, stuck. (But, seeing as it's _technically _a surname, I wouldn't be surprised if a girl had it elsewhere.)

3) the 5th Anniversary is soon (August 9th!) and the next chapter I post will probably be the special anniversary chapter! We'll see how busy I am and whether or not I have time before then. At any rate, enjoy this chapter, because I think it's really good!

* * *

"Look, okay, why don't we look again?" Sora asked, rubbing at his face. His eyes were wide with a near panic, Kairi watched him with a sigh. She was worried about Riku too, of course she was, but…

"We've swept the Island three times now. If he was here, we would've found him." Kairi stopped just a second to cast a glance at the horizon. "And, it's getting late…" Well, they still had probably an hour before sunset, but that was late enough. She had to head home in time to call Aerith and let her know the news, anyway—though, since Hollow Bastion was three hours behind them, maybe _that_ wasn't something she had to worry too much about.

Sora frowned at her, then slowed his pace as his eyes darted to the side for a moment and he scrunched up his face, like she noticed he did while he was talking to his Shadow—er, Kano. Kairi tried not to scowl. Especially when it appeared to be what Kano said that reassured Sora more than what she had.

"I guess you're right…" he sighed. "I'm just worried. We couldn't find Riku in Hollow Bastion, and they say he's not in Castle Oblivion, and we haven't seen him here…"

"If he was on this Island, Sora, we would've found him by now," Kairi argued.

He nodded. "Yeah…" He didn't sound happy about that, though. Not that Kairi blamed him.

"Listen, Sora, I get you're worried about him!" She was pretty worried about Riku, too. Even with his promises not to do anything drastic, he was still incredibly reckless, and with his darkness the way it was now... She hoped he turned up soon as much as anyone else did. "I just think at this point, we should probably call it a night, and worry about it tomorrow if he still hasn't returned."

Sora groaned a little. He scratched at his neck and got that distant look again. "What about your wolf?" he asked. Kairi glared now. He _really_ needed to get better at not addressing Kano out loud. If he kept it up—she'd overheard his parents talking about him doing that, worried, and if he didn't stop soon, it was going to be even harder for him to make up with them.

After only a second, and much before Kairi could really gather her words to ask, Sora laughed, a little bitterly. "Yeah, I guess that's true." Then he realized Kairi's glare, and he laughed again, nervously this time. "S-Sorry…. Kano's wolf couldn't do anything though—or he doesn't think it could, since it took a good month to track me down…"

"Right," Kairi said. "So we won't ask it, and we'll just look for Riku tomorrow, alright?"

Sora nodded reluctantly. "Yeah. Alright."

Kairi still couldn't blame him for the reluctance, but it was getting too late for them to really do anything about it. They'd worry about it tomorrow. That's all they could do. She just hoped something terrible didn't happen to him during that time.

She stopped worrying quite as much as they neared the docks, though, and immediately started scanning them for—there! "Hey, Sora, looks like your dad's still working," she said, nudging Sora then pointing to where his dad was. "Maybe you should go talk to him."

Sora squinted at his father a moment, then squinted at her. "What for?"

"Just, I don't know, _because_?" Kairi answered. Because she thought Sora could probably use something else to occupy his mind than to fret constantly about Riku, but, she wasn't going to tell _Sora _that. She shoved Sora in the direction of his dad. "If you do it now, that spell can't talk out of doing it later."

Sora glared at her, pushing her arms away from him. "But there's nothing to talk about!"

"Is that the spell talking, or is there really nothing to talk about?"

Sora opened his mouth to argue, then his brow furrowed as he considered it. After a moment he sighed. "Alright, yeah, I'll go talk to him. You're gonna call Aerith and tell her we didn't find Riku, right?"

Kairi nodded. "Duh!"

"Okay." Sora nodded back. There was only a slight hesitation as he headed down for the docks, at least. Kairi decided to blame that on Kano.

_That takes care of that… _she thought to herself, then started away from the docks and into town. Time to go home and call Aerith. She just had to figure out how to break the news to her first… Riku being missing wasn't easy on anyone's nerves, but Aerith was definitely taking it the hardest. Maybe she'd call Leon instead, and tell him. That'd certainly be a lot easier…

Well, whatever she was going to do, she needed to do it sooner rather than later.

**xxx**

Sora tried not to scowl as he made his way down to the docks and towards his father, or rather, tried not to let Kano's scowl show on his face. Kano was _not _happy with the idea of talking to Sora's dad right now. Though, he was _never _happy when it came to Sora's parents.

'_I don't care what Kairi says, this isn't a good idea!'_

_ It's just my dad, Kano._

_ 'Both of your parents are—'_

_ My dad's a lot more reasonable than my mom, alright, now shut up. The last thing I need is them thinking I've gone insane because I'm talking to voices in my head._

_ 'Not my fault when you're the one who keeps addressing me out loud.'_

Sora sent a death glare off to the side—internally, it was directed at Kano—then dropped it and straightened, drawing all his composure to him. He'd reached where his father was working, checking his net for holes after a long day of fishing. Sora cleared his throat to catch his dad's attention.

His dad looked up, smiling a little at the sight of his son. "Sora! Not often you're down here. You need something?"

"Uh, no," Sora said. He started to shuffle his feet before catching himself. Even though he wasn't asked to, he sat down on one of crates stacked off to the side. "I just wanted to talk."

"Ah." His dad immediately returned his attention to the net in his lap. "About where you've been?"

Sora licked his lips, and tried not to sound surprised when he spoke. "Uhhh… yeah." He squinted a little at his father, ignoring to the best of his ability Kano's general foul mood and contempt that bounced around inside of him. "Do you… believe me?"

"Maybe…" His father replied slowly, with a shrug. He didn't look up. "Another _world _seems a little farfetched, but you certainly can't have been hiding on this island. It's too small. Someone woulda seen you."

Sora nodded at that—the search for Riku that'd taken up the past few hours certainly proved that. You could cover every inch of the Islands in such a short time, and everyone in town knew each other…

"Plus, you know," his dad continued. "There _are _other lands out there past the ocean. Our trade ships go _somewhere, _and the tourists come from _somewhere, _so there's no reason you didn't just end up elsewhere. Maybe not another _world, _but, elsewhere." He looked up at Sora. "I believe that."

There was a long pause after that though, so any relief Sora had at those words didn't last very long. His dad seemed very keen on inspecting a part of his net—a part Sora was sure he'd already gone over. There was an unsaid _but _that hung in the air in a way which almost made it deafening.

"_But…?_" Sora prompted.

His dad shrugged, reluctant to look at him. "I'm not really sure I'm buying the whole 'evil sorceresses kidnapped you' thing, or that talk about what's his name. Xeha-whatever." Now he sent a glance up at Sora. "That talk about him coming back and being this 'big threat' to the whole universe." He waved his hands as he said _big threat, _and said it in a way that made it clear he thought it something of a joke.

"He's real, dad," Sora said.

"And so is the sorceress, I presume."

"This isn't a _joke!_"

Sora knew that most of his anger was coming from Kano, because Kano hated thinking about Maleficent more than he hated having to deal with Sora's parents. But separating their emotions was hard at times, if not impossible, especially when he was annoyed as much as Kano was furious, and when their emotions were this similar they fed off each other. It was like how being around Kairi when she was in a bad mood could dampen Sora's own mood, except, worse, by a thousand times.

There was a tired patience in the roll of his father's eyes. "Come on, Sora, I was just—"

"She _kidnapped me!_" Sora shouted, jumping off the crates and to his feet. "She held me against my will in a castle that only had half a roof and it didn't just leak when it rained you were just _rained on, _and I don't even know what she intended on using me for but it wasn't good, it _can't_ have been good, not to mention she hardly fed me and I probably would've _starved _if Pete hadn't taken pity on me it's not! a _joke!_"

The waves seemed to pound twice as loud in Sora's ears. He trembled as he stood there, staring down at his father, waiting for the response to the explosion and not feeling the slightest bit sorry—though if he thought too much about the other fishermen that had to be around and within earshot, well, that was another story.

"It's not a joke…" Sora's father agreed slowly. He was very intent on his net, and honestly, Sora wasn't surprised. His father'd never been the one to yell—that had always been his mother.

"But do you believe me?" Sora asked.

His father hesitated a long moment. Instead of answering, when he looked up at Sora, he traced a finger over his cheek, in a mirror of Sora's scar. "Did she, uh, give you that?"

Sora jolted, though he shouldn't have been surprised at the question. "N-no! That wasn't her, that was—" He broke off. He couldn't say it had been Kano. He hadn't even attempted explaining to his parents about having a Shadow and everything, because he was certain that would sound the least sane. If they didn't believe in Maleficent or Xehanort, how could he possibly get through an explanation about his Shadow without becoming a laughingstock?

"It wasn't her," Sora said. He crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Sorry, son, it's just… not easy having you come back and seeing—"

"I know. It's not easy waking up and looking in the mirror every morning and seeing it." Sora grit his teeth and tried not to feel Kano's despair. This was his _other_ least favorite subject. "But, until I'm positive you aren't going to treat it like a joke…"

"_That _isn't a joke," his father answered, without hesitation.

Sora raised his eyebrows. "Would it have been if I'd said the sorceress _did _give it to me?"

His father didn't respond.

"_Would _it have—"

"Sorceresses aren't real," his dad said. He wouldn't look him in the eye again.

Sora licked his lips. "Would you have said that if I told you this scar was from her?"

"You said it wasn't, so—"

"She was real!" Sora shouted. His dad flinched. "And I'm- I'm so tired of you acting like everything that happened to me isn't serious! I know I've made up some crazy stories in the past but I'm _fifteen-years-old, _I know the difference between fantasy and reality, and if I was going to lie to you about where I'd been don't you think I'd tell you I was somewhere _happy _this whole time?"

"Sora… _please…_"

Sora couldn't make himself stop, though, whether due to Kano's anger or his own. He raked his hands through his hair. "And- and you don't even make any _sense! _How is it you think me summoning a giant magic key that is also a weapon at will is completely _reasonable, _but as soon as I mention an evil sorceress it gets too ridiculous for you? Where do you draw the line!? If- If I had told you someone _other _than an evil sorceress had kidnapped me, would you have believed me?"

"Sora…"

"_Would you?_"

His dad let out a long sigh, raking a hand through his own hair. The net sat uselessly in his lap.

"Sora, life is not a fairytale."

"I _know _it's not," Sora said, trembling now. Something bubbled in his throat that he wasn't sure whether it was a sob or a laugh. "If it was, I wouldn't have _this_." He traced the scar across his face with his fingers. "If it was, when I came home, everything would be happily ever after, but it's _not_!"

Instead, his parents thought he was making up stories about where he'd been. Instead, he had the remainder of his darkness and his mistakes nestled in his chest, and while he could never say he was unhappy about Kano being around, Kano was certainly no result of a fairytale. If life were a fairytale, he wouldn't wake up sweating almost every night, remembering the battles he'd had to fight, the people he'd had to kill. Heroes in fairytales didn't feel guilt, didn't make mistakes, didn't briefly side with evil. Life was _certainly _no fairytale.

"But magic and monsters and darkness and evil _are_ real_,_" he continued. His voice shook, and Kano shifted inside him, burning with a rage much stronger than Sora was letting himself feel. "I just wish I could make you see that, make you _believe _that, make you believe _me!_"

"And I'd appreciate it if you'd stop yelling at me…" his father replied, quietly, but in a tone that made Sora pause.

Sora stared for a second, fingers curling into fists as he considered his father, considered what to say. Despair broke through him, and let out an unsteady breath. Of course it would come to this. He couldn't expect a "yeah I believe you" after all that but… This was still exhausting, still so disheartening. He sniffed, then turned on his heel.

"Why do I even bother…" he grumbled to himself, heading back up the beach. His father didn't call after him or attempt to stop him, but, Sora hadn't really expected him to. His father didn't like arguments.

And, Sora supposed, he shouldn't be _so _upset with his father. He only had the stupid spell on the island to blame for this. But it was still maddening to have to have this argument, it still stung to hear his father treat everything so lightly when none of what had happened to him was anywhere near a _light _topic. It _hurt, _and he knew it wasn't exactly his father's fault, but—

_"Are you sure you wouldn't be better off without them?"_

Sora stopped in his tracks, then scowled hard and trudged forward through the sand again, glaring down at his chest.

_Kano, what did I say about—_

_ 'That wasn't me.'_

Sora stopped again, eyes wide with terror as he looked up.

"What do you _mean _that wasn't you?" he muttered.

'_Uh, the obvious sense of the phrase. I didn't say that.'_

"Well, if it wasn't you, then who was it?"

'_Sora, you're doing the out loud thing again, if your dad sees—'_

Sora didn't pay any attention, more focused on scanning the beach. He tried not to look around too frantically, but it was hard when there wasn't anything in the immediate vicinity for the culprit to have hid behind. There were the bushes a little farther up the beach, a fence, a few trees—but they were all way too far away! The voice had sounded like it was right in his ear, like it was… in his head…?

"Did- did you _feel _anything? Anyone?" Sora demanded, directing his attention back to Kano, or, down at his chest.

Aggravation immediately flared through Kano, making Sora's face scrunch up. '_How many times do I have to tell you that I can't feel _anything _through your body, Sora? It muffles my senses.'_

"You can sense a dark corridor from twenty feet away!" Sora argued. Even though he knew it was pointless, he continued scanning the area, slowly turning in circles. They had to be hiding somewhere. Except there was nowhere to hide and there was a chance there wasn't even someone hiding.

'_Dark corridors are not people,'_ Kano replied,_ 'and also, it's probably only ten feet.'_

"Do you sense anyone nearby or _not, _Kano!?"

'_No! I don't know!' _There was a pause, and the scowl on Sora's face deepened, and his toes wriggled in his shoes. He was holding too much control of his body for Kano's desire to squirm to translate into anything more than that. '_Why don't you stop asking so damn much of me! I can't do anything_ _while I'm stuck in here, how long is it gonna take for that to get through your head?'_

Sora only swallowed, trembling.

"D-do you think it was—"

"Sora, are you okay?"

The sound of his father's voice made him go rigid. That was right. He was still within eyesight—and probably earshot—of the docks, and at any rate, his father was behind him now. Hand on his shoulder, turning him around so that they'd face each other. Sora swallowed harder. He wished his breathing wasn't so erratic.

"I'm fine," he said, pushing his father's hand away. He dare not force a smile on his lips, having no confidence to make it convincing, and knowing that his father would not be convinced at any rate. "It's fine, I just thought—" He cut off before he could finish, because telling his dad that he'd heard voices was certainly not a good idea. "It's fine," he repeated, instead.

"If you say so," his dad said. He did not believe Sora, though. Sora was positive of that. His fingers twitched toward his pocket, to where his star shard was. He and Kairi had separate ones now, which was a relief, because otherwise she'd have the only star shard between them. Not that he was planning on an escape route, of course. No, he wouldn't be doing that.

Before he could think of a good way to deflect the conversation to something else, his dad was asking questions.

"What were you, uh, looking for, son?"

"I…" Sora wet his lips. Kano groaned inside him. "I… thought I saw someone, but then I looked and they were gone and, I guess, I panicked?" He couldn't deny he had panicked, because his dad and everyone else on the docks had seen it. '_If you do just vanish now,' _Kano argued, '_that spell will probably make him forget he saw and or heard anything!'_

Sora's hand inched closer to his pocket, but he stopped it, balling it to a fist.

"And, uh, who were you talking to?" his father asked.

Sora blinked rapidly, eyes fixed in fear on his father's face, trying to come up with a suitable answer. His mouth was very dry. It felt like a pair of fists had just closed around his lungs.

"Uh…. myself?" he answered.

"Riiiight."

Sora flinched. His father simply raised his eyebrows. '_Star shard, Sora!' _Kano screamed._ 'Get out of there, now, maybe it's not too late!'_

"Who's Kano?" Sora's father asked.

It felt like all the air had been knocked out of Sora's lungs. Kano went silent inside of him, but it was a shocked silence, and the terror bubbling just underneath the surface of everything Kano felt was going to make Sora sick. He forced himself to breathe, and more importantly, mask his surprise with something more… relaxed.

"He's no one," Sora replied, before he realized how suspicious that would sound. "Uh! I mean, it's no one. No one. I wasn't… talking to anyone." Except, that didn't sound any better. He backed away from his dad. "Uhhh, listen, Dad, I'm fine, okay? I promise you, I'm okay, and this is definitely the thing you need to worry about the _least—_"

"I think we should head home, Sora."

Sora stared up at his dad. "H- home?"

"Yes, home, and then maybe—"

"I'm going to Kairi's!" Sora blurted, taking another step away from his father. "I, uh, just remembered she wanted me to help her with some homework. With a, uh, reading thing. You know. She wanted me to read… something, for…"

His father did not glare, not exactly, but his eyes did narrow considerably, and Sora could sense that his patience was nearly spent. "Neither of you have school right now, Sora," he said. "And even if you did, I think you arguing with thin air is a little more—"

"I'm- I'm going to Kairi's!" Sora shouted. He pulled his star shard out of his pocket and activated it. He only just saw the horror and anger flood his father's face before the star shard pulled him away.


	41. In which, thank goodness, he's alright

**AN/ **Happy chapter before the anniversary chapter!

This note is on my profile and on the blog (and, my tumblr) so perhaps this is a little excessive, but a quick breakdown of technology in FtPverse is as follows. FtPverse happens around 2011/2012, but Destiny Islands is still at early 2000s tech (few cellphones or laptops, few computers in general) and HB is at around 2010 tech, but everyone currently still has a flip phone, also until it's finished being restored computers / tvs / etc aren't going to be a major thing.

That said, enjoy the chapter!

* * *

Aerith nodded at her phone. "Alright, thank you," she told Kairi, who'd just informed her that they couldn't find Riku on Destiny Islands. "I'm sure he'll turn up… Alright… Bye." She sighed and closed her eyes, clutching the phone to her chest a moment before returning it to her pocket. Rubbing at her head, she went back to making herself a cup of tea.

They'd just finished dinner, and she should probably get started on the dishes sometime soon, but she was too worried about Riku. She hadn't seen him since last night. She couldn't stop running over everything she'd said and done the previous day, wondering if she'd somehow… offended him? Made him feel unwelcome? But nothing came to mind, and it was unlike him, to say the least. Aerith knew he didn't tell _her_ everything, but for him to not even tell Namine? Then again, he and Namine hadn't been talking as much lately…

Aerith sighed again, taking a cautious sip of her tea with trembling hands. There was nothing she had done, and nothing she could do now. Where _was _he?

"Hey…" Yuffie said, coming up and nudging Aerith with her shoulder. Aerith staggered slightly, but only from her nerves—Yuffie did this a lot, as her own way to display affection. "I know you're worried about him, but, he was taking care of himself long before he came here. A day probably won't kill him."

Aerith laughed a little, caught between exasperation and being touched by Yuffie's concern. She placed her cup back on the counter and smiled at Yuffie.

"You're probably right," she agreed. "Still…"

"Leon says we'll start looking through other worlds tomorrow, if he hasn't shown up by then…" Yuffie continued. She smiled uneasily at Aerith. "And I think we should probably call Tifa or Cloud, so they can help us look."

Aerith smiled back, hoping it looked as genuine as she was trying to make it. "That's not a bad id—" she began, but then the front door opened.

"Ey, there he is!" Cid said. "See, Aerith, I told yeh not to worry too much!"

Aerith was a little too far into the kitchen to see the front door at a good angle, but she could hear Riku's "sorry…" and the click of the door being shut again. By then she'd moved so that she could see, and there Riku stood, in the doorway—or rather, there he stood, getting hugged by Namine.

"Please don't do that again," she was saying.

"Sorry…!" Riku repeated, with a laugh this time. Before he could entirely compose himself after Namine's hug, Aerith grabbed him for a hug of her own. She squeezed him hard, very grateful he was back. She hadn't exactly thought he'd _never _return, but your mind wandered when you were worried about someone, and when that someone was Riku, it just left a larger variety of horrible situations to consider.

"Where _were _you?" Aerith asked, as she let him go. "We were worried sick!"

"_Sorry!_" Riku said again. He smiled a little uneasily, for a moment, and then… The smile widened a little, to a natural one, and his eyes were gleaming. He was happy about… _something. _"I was… on Destiny Islands," he said.

Aerith squinted at him. "What do you mean you were on Destiny Islands!? Kairi said she and Sora looked everywhere for you—"

"I don't know, I guess I was in the one spot they forgot to look, or something?" Riku answered, with a shrug. "I'd tell you where but, actually, if I've found a spot where no one can find me that easily, that'd be really nice…"

Aerith squinted even harder, then looked at Namine, because she looked like she understood that. How, and the implications of what Riku'd meant, Aerith didn't even want to begin to imagine.

"What makes yeh say _that?_" Cid asked. His tone suggested he was just as confused as Aerith was, though quite a bit more curious. The unfortunate thing was, Aerith almost thought she _did _know why Riku'd say that, she just really didn't want to think about it.

Riku sent a hasty glance at Cid. "Oh. Just… because." His smile fell a fraction of an inch, and the gleam in his eyes all but died. "It's… fine. I'm- I'm sorry I worried everyone."

"You were gone _all day!_" Yuffie said. She'd come out of the kitchen, too, and was standing just feet away from where Riku and Aerith and Namine were. Cid was still on his couch, watching them over a mug of his own tea.

"I… yeah…" Riku nodded slowly. "I was just… doing a lot of thinking. Plus I lost track of time, a little. I- I would've been back sooner but the sunset was really pretty and I didn't want to…" He shrugged, and his smile grew again. "I'm alright, really!" His eyes directed this last bit at Namine and at Aerith more than at Yuffie.

Aerith started to protest, but the smile on his face made her pause. She hadn't seen a smile that wide on him since the day she'd first told him he was family. Whatever he was happy about, it was something good.

"If you say so…" Aerith said instead, smiling back at him.

"How did you lose track of time for a _full day?_" Namine asked, tugging on his arm.

He pulled his arm away from her. "I was doing a lot of thinking," he repeated.

"About _what?_" Yuffie demanded.

"Look, it's no big deal," Riku said. To Aerith's dismay, he was beginning to sound frustrated. So much for that smile. "I promise I won't vanish like that again, alright? I didn't mean to stay so long. Sorry I worried everyone!"

He sent an apologetic though exasperated look at all of them, then headed for the stairs. Namine headed after him, looking much like she was going to attempt to ask him more about it. Yuffie opened her mouth to say something to Riku, but Aerith put out a hand to stop her. Yuffie glared, then spoke anyway.

"I'm glad you're back," she called to Riku.

He paused halfway up the stairs, turning around and ducking down a little so he could see her. He stared a moment before smiling again. "Yeah," he said, then he continued up the stairs again.

"Yuffie, why don't you go tell Leon that Riku's back, since I doubt Riku will stop and tell him on his way to his room," Aerith asked. Yuffie nodded, though she waited until Riku and Namine were both completely out of sight and the sound of their feet on the stairs stopped before heading up to Leon.

Aerith pulled out her phone again and dialed Kairi's number in. "I'm going to tell Kairi that Riku's back," she told Cid, who just nodded at her, his attention on his book again. Before Aerith could press the dial button, though, there was a knock on the door. Instinctively, she checked the clock, though she knew it wasn't that late… Without thinking much about it, she closed her phone and headed to answer the door. Kairi could wait.

To her surprise, none other than King Mickey stood in the doorway. She bowed her head a little to him.

"Hello, Your Majesty," she said.

"Hi!" he replied, smiling at her. "Uh, is this a bad time?"

"Not at all."

"Alright, then, is Riku here? I need him for something."

Aerith raised her eyebrows a little at the request, though she was very grateful that she could answer: "Yes he is! Would you like me to get him for you?"

"Yes please."

Aerith turned to look at Cid. "Cid, could you?" she nodded at the stairs. It was a shame that she'd have to make him come back down when he'd just returned home, but there was no sense refusing the King—and, it was too late now, regardless.

Cid grumbled as he got to his feet, though it didn't sound like anything more than his standing-up-isn't-as-easy-as-it-used-to-be grumbling. Unfortunately, he only went halfway up the stairs before yelling at Riku to come down. Aerith tried not to cringe as she stepped aside to let Mickey in. (It would be rude to make him wait _outside _for Riku.)

"Also, do you know where Sora lives?" Mickey asked, once he was inside. "Or should I ask Riku, when he gets down here?"

"Riku will know better than I do," Aerith admitted, thinking to herself that she'd never even _been _to Destiny Islands. And, sure, she knew Sora lived _on _Destiny Islands, but Mickey probably wanted more concrete details than that. "What do you need them for, anyway? If I'm allowed to know."

"Yen Sid wants to talk to them," Mickey replied. His eyes flickered over to Cid as Cid made his way back to the couch, then he frowned. He looked a lot like he wanted to say something, but wasn't entirely sure how to. He spoke anyway, after a moment. "It's because, well… Xehanort's comin' back."

Aerith's smile fell, and she suddenly understood why he'd been so hesitant to speak. "I know," she told Mickey. "Aqua was here about a week or so ago… She mentioned it." Aerith assumed Mickey knew who Aqua was, anyway, seeing as Aqua had mentioned him a few times during her stay. She appeared to have assumed right, as well.

"Oh, was she?" Mickey asked, smiling a lot wider now. "Was she doin' okay?"

"Yeah!"

"And Ven?"

"Good, as far as I could tell," Aerith answered. "They got a message from—"

"Oh, that's right!" Mickey interrupted. "I did know they'd been by here. Aqua told me about the message. I forgot…"

"That's alright," Aerith assured him.

Mickey's attention darted to the stairs, and a second later, Aerith knew why. She could hear Riku coming downstairs now. Him and… Namine, she saw, after another moment. Both of them looked a little annoyed, though Namine was addressing her annoyance at Riku more than anyone else.

"Yeah, what'd you want me for?" Riku asked, brushing some hair out of his face. (Even short, it was unruly sometimes.) "If this is about me—" He stopped abruptly, noticing Mickey. "Uhh…." His eyes narrowed.

Knowing well enough that Riku wasn't going to speak after that, or, that chances of him saying something not-rude from here were slim, Aerith spoke to fill the silence and explain the situation. "The King would like to borrow you for something," she said.

Recognition showed on Riku's face, then he leaned down to say something to Namine. It was too quiet for Aerith to really hear, but she caught the words "Mickey" and "Real Thing". Namine nodded aggressively as Riku straightened again. She was picking at her fingers rather than look at anyone, which made Aerith purse her lips.

"A friend of mine has some information to share with you about Xehanort," Mickey explained.

"Why me?" Riku asked. Aerith tried not to cringe at his tone. She'd gotten used to his general lack of manners, but it was still jarring sometimes, especially in situations where good manners were important. Like now. At least Mickey didn't appear too upset.

"Well, he only asked for Sora," Mickey admitted to Riku. "But I thought since you helped take down most of the Organization, you might wanna know, too."

Riku made a face and shrugged. He started to make some sort of noncommittal sound, but Aerith cut him off.

"You should go," she said, in a tone that she used often with both him and Yuffie. The You're-being-rude-and-need-to-stop tone. Riku looked ready to protest—he did, sometimes—but after a moment, he sighed. Aerith quickly thanked her lucky stars that he hadn't decided to be more difficult than that.

"Alright, yeah, I'll go—Namine?" Riku sent a glance down at her.

She looked up at him. It was hard to read what she was thinking, but after a moment, she said: "Uhm… I'll come too… If… if that's okay." She looked hesitantly at Mickey.

Mickey grinned widely at her. "I don't see why not! Uh, do either of you know where I can find Sora? I've got a good idea, but I'd like something a little more specific than just the world he lives on!"

"Yeah, I know," Namine said. Riku frowned and grumbled about how he knew too. Aerith sighed.

"Then I guess we'll get goin'!" Mickey said, nodding. He moved for the door, waving at Aerith, then at Cid. "Goodbye! I'll have 'em back before long."

"We can get home on our own," Riku mumbled.

"Except you can't use dark corridors, or you _shouldn't,_" Namine argued. He scowled.

Mickey either didn't hear them, or simply chose not to comment. Aerith saw the three of them to the door, then waited on the doorstep for them to depart. It was polite, after all.

Mickey pulled out his star shard, offering it to Riku and Namine. "You do the honors!" he said. Riku moved to take it, but Namine batted his hand away, and took it instead.

"Hang on, I better do it," she said. "I know Kairi's place better than you do."

"I thought we were heading to Sora's," Riku said.

"Kairi's is safer, trust me." Namine turned the star shard over in her hands, then held it out. "Your Majesty…?"

"Whatever works," Mickey said.

They all put their hands on the star shard, and in a familiar burst of light, were gone.

Aerith did not realize that she had sighed until Cid spoke.

"He'll be back this time! The King'll make sure he gets 'em both home, you know tha'."

Aerith laughed a little as she closed the door, rolling her eyes in Cid's direction. "Yes, I know that," she said. Still, there was a lot to worry about, especially knowing that Xehanort would return, or had returned. She put that thought out of her mind for a moment, though.

"Did Riku just leave again?" Yuffie asked, rushing down the stairs.

"King Mickey needed him," Aerith answered.

Yuffie scrunched up her face.

"Do I need to go tell Leon?"

"I'll tell him," Aerith said. "Why don't you go start the dishes? I'll be back down to help you in a second."

"Okay!"


	42. In which Sora and Kairi, er, talk again

**AN/ **Hello, and sorry this chapter is unexpectedly late! I never got the chance to officially announce the semi-hiatus. My chapter buffer (aka how many chapters I have done between where I'm posting and where I'm writing) is lower than it's been in years, and I was attempting to build it back up a little. The semi-hiatus doesn't mean much, actually, just that the time between each update of ATR is dropping to every two weeks vs every "five" days. This shouldn't last long. Keep an eye on my tumblr (rarmaster) or the ftpverse tumblr (ftpverse) for updates!

Also, if you missed the 5th anniversary special chapter (or wish to read it again) it has been relocated to ASAS for the time being. I wish I could give you a convenient chapter number, but, it'll be the latest chapter as of the time of me posting this, and will be labeled extremely conveniently, so I'm sure it'll be fine.

* * *

Kairi let out a long frustrated breath between her teeth.

Having Sora star shard directly into her living room wasn't fun, and neither was dealing with how panicked he was upon arriving. If hearing a voice on the beach wasn't bad enough, then there was also the fact he'd yelled at Kano in front of his father. And _that_ on top of the fact he'd explained everything with _her _father still in the room, and then they had to explain Kano to him (though at least he took the magic explanation). Not to mention the missing Riku problem—another thing to go on a list of what was turning out to be a really bad day.

Kairi rapped her knuckles against the table to get Sora's attention. He jumped from where he was sitting, probably startled out of a conversation with Kano. Kairi uncrossed her legs and leaned forward in her chair. "Okay, tell me _again _what the voice said."

"It asked me if I didn't really think I'd be better off without my parents," Sora answered. He wrung his hands together, visibly distressed, (not to mention searching the room with his eyes with every spare second, as if he expected to find someone _here_.) At least the hand wringing was better than the frustrated drumming.

"And are you _sure _Kano didn't say it?"

Sora glared. Automatically, his tone went from slightly panicked to dark and angry.

"He said he didn't, Kairi, how many times do I have to tell you that?"

It wasn't what Kairi wanted to hear, but she was glad that _Sora _had answered, rather than Kano. On another unrelated note, she was glad that her father wasn't trying to be a part of the conversation, despite being in the next room and well within earshot.

"Until I'm convinced we can trust him," Kairi replied.

Sora rolled his eyes. "Kairi, c'mon, we've been over this!"

Kairi let out a bitter bark of laughter. "Oh, excuse me, I completely forgot that he absolutely _loves _your parents and would _never _say anything bad about them, of course he wouldn't!"

Sora glared, clearly not appreciating her sarcasm. She glared back.

"The voice didn't sound _anything like him,_" Sora argued.

Kairi, on a roll and feeling rather hot with confidence, didn't stop there. "Never mind the time he told them, in his own words, 'to mind their own damn business', and that _other _time when he got you grounded. Which, need I remind you, _he refuses to tell you _what he even said to your mother to _get _you grounded."

"It's for the better!"

"Is it really?"

Kairi raised her eyebrows, knowing Sora well enough to know that he _did _want to know what his Shadow had said to his mother. He was just too nice of a person to ask, especially now that they'd made this whole 'second chance' agreement. Second chances didn't mean ignoring problems, though. They meant talking through them. Had Sora forgotten that?

"Kairi, _seriously,_" Sora said. He reached forward and started drumming his fingers against the tabletop. Kairi tensed. She _hated _that new habit. "I know he doesn't like my parents, but that _wasn't _him! He's not trying to trick me. So just, drop it, okay? He's not gonna hurt me!"

Kairi stared a moment, knowing she really shouldn't, but, it was too late to stop herself. She reached up and dragged her fingers across her face in a mirror of Sora's scar. Sora stiffened. His fingers stopped tapping.

"You say… when you have _this…!_" Her voice trembled as she spoke. How could he forget who gave it to him? "You say, when you _cried yourself to sleep! _Each night for a _week! _Thinking about how he died, and how he forced you to kill him!"

Sora jumped to his feet with a clatter of the chair, slamming his palms down on the table. "He deserves! A clean slate!"

"Does he _really!?_"

Sora stared at her, face scrunching up in a way that Kairi knew meant he was close to tears, and it made her chest ache, but what was she supposed to do? She wasn't trying to be mean—okay, maybe she was—but she was just… she didn't trust Kano. She didn't like how Sora wouldn't take this seriously, preferring to give Kano the benefit of the doubt. And she _definitely _didn't like how her skin itched every time she was around Sora, like there was darkness near, because there was darkness near, it was in his chest and its name was Kano.

"_Please, _Kairi…" Sora said very slowly, looking at her with pleading eyes. "I _know _he's done a lot of bad things, to me, to you, to everyone. But I forgive him, at least for what he did to me—I'm sorry you can't forgive him, and I'm not asking you too, but could you _please _just give him a _chance?_"

Kairi turned up her nose, then let out a haughty breath and leaned back in her chair, arms folding over her chest. "Whatever," she grumbled. "But _next time _this happens, I swear I will do something about him myself, Sora."

Sora sat down, probably out of relief. Kairi didn't look at him, clutching herself tightly. She should stop there, since she'd won the argument—not that it was an argument, was it?—in a way, but there was one more thing. One more thing that she was dying to know.

And she could've phrased it nicely, she could've just said _Sora look I'm worried about—_but when she opened her mouth, it came out just as bitter as everything else she'd said during this conversation.

"He's probably poisoning you, anyway… Making it so you can't see what's wrong with him." She definitely should have stopped at Sora's startled look, but that only made her say: "Oh, did you _forget _that he has that power? That he used it on _me _to make me think you weren't worth saving anymore? Why not ask him, if you're so—"

"I WOULDN'T!" Kano shouted, slamming a hand against the table.

It hadn't been long, but Kairi knew when it was Kano and when it was Sora. If the sudden flare of darkness grating against her skin wasn't enough indication, then the way Kano used Sora's vocal chords definitely was. It was still Sora's voice, but it was… wrong. Not Sora.

Kairi scowled at him, not trusting him. (He sounded serious, though. Like he meant it. And no one looked like that when they were lying.) But before she could come up with some sort of comeback for him, the doorbell rang.

"Better stop the shouting at each other, not that I don't think this is an absolutely _fantastic _way to work out your problems or anything," Kairi's dad said, as he moved past them and to the door to answer it. Kairi sent her scowl at _him _instead, knowing that had been sarcastic. She dreaded the lecture that was probably coming after he sent away whoever was calling at _this _time of night.

Her back was to the door, so she couldn't see who it was when her dad answered. She tried to ask Sora if he could see, but given how he had to lean to the side to, probably, see around her dad, he had no answers for her yet. But, her dad didn't speak to send whoever it was away, like Kairi'd anticipated. Instead, there was an awkward pause, a surprised "oh!" and then:

"Hello, Namine. Hello, uh… Riku. And, uhm…?"

"Mickey!" Sora said. His face lit up drastically, and he jumped out of his chair and ran to join her dad at the door. Kairi admitted her own sour mood lightened quite similarly, though she did not like to admit it. She finished turning around—she'd started when she'd heard _Namine_—and, sure enough, Namine and Riku and Mickey were standing at the door. If that wasn't enough to brighten her mood, it was definitely enough to make her stop being mad at Kano and Sora, at least, for the moment. Wait! When had Riku gotten—!?

"Uh, you a friend of Sora's?" Kairi's dad asked.

"Yeah, he is!" Sora answered, before Mickey could. "Can they come in?"

In response, Kairi's dad stepped aside to let them all in.

"When did you show up again!?" Kairi demanded, marching up to Riku as soon as he was out of the doorway. He sent her something between a nervous smile and a grimace, along with a shrug. Sora turned to them like he'd just now realized that Riku was standing here and what that meant—he probably just had. Kairi tried not to notice the way his eyes darted to the side as if he were talking to Kano.

"Twenty minutes ago, maybe?" Riku answered. He reached to pull at his hair—_man_, it still looked weird this short. "Since when were you two looking for me?"

"Since always," Sora said, moving closer to them. Closer meant a _lot _closer, considering there wasn't much space between the table and the door to begin with, and with six people trying to occupy it. It was no wonder that Mickey and Kairi's dad had moved towards the kitchen a couple paces.

"Aerith mentioned it," Namine muttered at Riku, from the spot she'd taken next to the wall. Riku sent a glare at her, then sighed and returned his attention to Kairi, then Sora.

"It's fine. I'm fine. I was doing a lot of thinking and lost track of time."

Kairi jabbed him in the chest. He flinched. "For a _full day?_" she demanded.

"It was only twelve—fourteen hours, maybe fifteen," Riku said. He wouldn't look directly at her. "It was actually a very nice day. Quiet. Relaxing… B-But now's not the time to be talking about it!"

Kairi raised her eyebrows at the thought of Riku _relaxing, _especially since he was so tense right now. Tense and offended. Still, she followed his eyes to Mickey, who had just gotten done properly introducing himself to her father, and vice versa, from the looks of it. Riku was right. There were more important things to worry about right now.

"Anyway," Mickey said, since he had everyone's attention again. "I'd like to borrow Sora, and Kairi as well, but… now seems like a bad time…"

"It's… not a _great _one," Kairi's dad agreed. He sent meaningful looks at Kairi and Sora both, and Kairi was reminded that she and Sora had been arguing quite violently before the doorbell rang. She wasn't eager to get back to an argument, of course, but considering that, and the _time…_

"Oh, c'mon, it's not _that _bad of a time," Sora argued. "Especially if it's important!" He almost seemed eager, with the glint in his eyes and the bounce on his heels. Kairi had to bite her lip to stifle a groan.

"Well, I wouldn't say it's so important that it can't wait until tomorrow," Mickey said.

"I'm half tempted to tell you to wait until tomorrow," Kairi's dad said.

Mickey nodded. "And I understand that completely." He took a cautious step towards the door. "I'm sorry for bothering you—"

"Can't we at least know what you wanted us for?" Sora asked. What _was _he so eager about, anyway? Then Kairi realized that he was probably just eager to get off the Islands, and put as much distance between him and his parents as possible. They _really _needed to figure out what to do about that.

Why was it, again, they hadn't talked—or tricked—his parents into going to another world? Certainly, a talk with everyone at Hollow Bastion—or, heck, one with Mickey would probably clear things up! Now wasn't the time to suggest that, though, so Kairi filed it away in her mind, and prayed that she would not forget it before she had a chance to bring it up. If only her dad hadn't _finally _decided to clean the table off last night, because otherwise there'd be pen and paper to jot down a quick note.

"Hmm…" Mickey frowned a little, crossing his arms over his chest. Before he could finish thinking, Riku answered the question for Sora:

"Some friend of his wants to tell us about Xehanort, I think," he said.

Kairi's eyebrows shot into her hairline. Forget Sora's eagerness, and his parents! She turned to Mickey, startled. "And you said that sorta news could wait until _tomorrow!?_" She did not think about how rude that might have sounded. She just thought about how little they knew of Xehanort, and how big of a threat he supposedly was, according to Ven and Aqua and everyone in Hollow Bastion. Considering that, any news about him didn't seem like news that could _wait._

"Well, it's not, _groundbreaking _news," Mickey said. "Just some general info on him, since none of you are in the loop—though, I guess, someone's told you by now that he's comin' back, huh?" He studied them all carefully, with a look much like regret.

"Aqua mentioned it," Namine said.

Mickey sighed, though he nodded as if he'd expected to hear that. "Sorry I didn't tell you sooner, Sora, or… any of you. I didn't wanna worry you right after you'd dealt with Organization 13, and… everything else…"

Thinking about having to fight Namine… and everything Sora had to go through with his Shadow, at the time… Kairi could not say she blamed Mickey for wanting to wait.

"It's been almost two months, though," Sora said.

"Sorry," Mickey repeated. He wouldn't look right at Sora. "I was busy."

"Well, it sounds like it's important," Kairi's dad broke in, with a decisive nod of his head. "I don't know much about this Xehanort guy, but Kairi and Sora have both mentioned him a couple times, and if he's some big threat to the worlds that only these kids can take care of, then alright, I guess I can't stop them. Kairi can go."

Sora deflated instantly. Kairi stared, trying to discern what her dad was thinking. Mickey seemed a little surprised, too, and Riku and Namine exchanged glances that surely spoke volumes between the two of them.

Kairi's dad just shrugged and folded his arms over his chest. "Not so sure I can speak for Sora, though. He's not my son."

"I was spending the night, anyway…" Sora whispered.

Kairi bit her lip, not sure why her father was doing this. Normally he would've said yes in a heartbeat. The raise of her father's eyebrows and the look he gave Sora explained everything, though. Sora did not have his parents' permission to stay the night. And this wasn't something as simple as letting the two of them go see a movie.

_Please, Dad, don't send him home… _Kairi thought, desperately. _Please, Dad… _She doubted Mickey would take them anywhere, without Sora—but that wasn't nearly as important. She wasn't happy that Sora got in an argument with his father, and she wasn't happy at Kano for causing it, but she would not dare tell Sora to go back to his house tonight. _At the very least, tell him he can't go, but let him stay here…_

Her father let out a long sigh, then lowered his arms.

"Alright, Sora, you can go too," he said. He fixed his attention on Mickey. "I'd like to have them back before midnight."

"Time doesn't run the same between worlds, though, dad!" Kairi said, quickly. "There's no way we'd be able to—"

Mickey interrupted before she could finish. "I'll have them back as soon as I can," he said. "But that's all I can promise ya."

"Well, that's enough," Kairi's dad agreed.

Mickey nodded, smiling gratefully. "C'mon, let's get going then!" He waved them all out the door.

Kairi grabbed Sora by the arm before he could follow, letting Riku and Namine go first.

"Does Mickey need to know about Kano?" she hissed, hopefully quiet enough so only Sora would here. As it was, Riku still sent a glance at them. Him and his super-sensitive hearing…

Sora stood still a long moment, breathing hard. "If… If it comes up…" he said, slowly. "I've got to!" Annoyance flashed across his face. He pulled his arm away from Kairi. "He can't not know forever…" he grumbled, stepping outside.

Kairi sighed, getting the sinking feeling that most of that had been directed at Kano, not her.

"Call me if you think you're going to be out all night," her dad said.

She nodded at him, not that she was sure where she'd get her hands on a phone. "I will," she told him, and she stepped outside as well.


	43. In which they visit Yen Sid

Mickey waved them all into the room at the top of three—three!—large flights of stairs. Sora went first, then Kairi, then Riku, with Namine gratefully trailing behind them all, and clutching Riku's fingers for support. She did not like the fact she could hardly do something new anymore without her heart getting lodged in her throat and her stomach churning one thousand different ways, but there was no arguing that that's what kept happening to her. She did not think it had always been like this, but it was hard to remember.

Was this all just learning to cope after being Rewritten? Did it have something to do with her and Riku's brief fight, and the fact things were still rocky between them? Would a date help, like Sora'd suggested? He'd only suggested this morning, but now that Riku was back, Namine wasn't sure how to ask him—never mind this being the wrong time. The thought of bringing it up made her sick with anxiety, and she was certain it wouldn't have before…

If she thought about it too long, the moments would all play in her mind again. Against the wall, begging L not to Rewrite her. Her blade through Riku's gut. Everything in between, but she shut them out of thought, and focused on the scene in front of her instead, like she should be doing.

The room was rather small, though no surprise. She'd seen the outside of the tower. The walls were all lined with oddly shaped bookcases holding regularly shaped books, and various other probably magical odds and ends she couldn't possibly name. In the dead center there was a desk, a chair behind it, and in the chair a man with a very long grey beard and very long grey hair to match, clothed in blue robes that definitely singled him out as a wizard of some kind.

"Master Yen Sid," Mickey said, as they all lined up in front of the table. Namine stayed close to Riku and a little behind him, squeezing his fingers tight. He sent a reassuring smile down at her. "I, uh, I know ya only asked for Sora, but I brought some other people who I thought might need to hear about Xehanort."

Yen Sid considered them all with his wide eyes. Namine felt sure his gaze could pierce right through her, and it did nothing to help her nerves.

"And would these 'other people' care to introduce themselves?" Yen Sid asked, after a long moment. His voice had a deep rumble to it that commanded attention to him, if the way he held himself was not already enough.

Sora scratched the back of his head. "Well, you know I'm Sora…"

"I'm Kairi." She'd folded her arms over her chest, and though Namine couldn't see it, she was sure Kairi was giving Yen Sid her best no-nonsense glare.

"Riku." He simply offered his name up, sounding incredibly disinterested as he did so. They no longer had a telepathic connection between their minds, but Namine knew he'd much rather be back home, at Hollow Bastion.

It was her turn, now. Namine swallowed hard. "N-Namine," she said, silently cursing herself for stuttering. What was wrong with her lately?

Yen Sid squinted considerably, though it was still a little hard to tell he was squinting at all since he had unnaturally wide eyes to begin with. "_Who_…?"

Namine jumped. "M-Me?"

"No, _you._" He fixed his attention firmly on Riku. The squint in his eyes may have been distrust. "Riku, did you say your name was?"

Riku nodded.

Yen Sid stared. Namine wasn't sure if she should say he was surprised or worried based on his expression—maybe he was angry? She didn't understand why, though. No one seemed to. Well, Mickey did, and he looked about as worried as Yen Sid, if not more so.

"Well, it's not like we've ever met before," Riku said. "Were you… _supposed _to know who I am?"

"That's not the point, Riku," Mickey explained. "Y'see, Master Yen Sid can… uh, well…"

"The stars tell me many things," Yen Sid finished for him. "Such as what is going on in the worlds, to begin with."

Kairi sent a look at Sora, one Namine could see since Sora and Riku were standing between her and Kairi, so by looking at Sora she also had to face Namine. Kairi's eyebrows were up in her hairline. She turned back to Yen Sid. "Wait, are you telling me you like… knew who we were _before _we even stepped in this room?" she asked.

Yen Sid nodded.

"But… not me?" Riku asked. The tone of his voice and the way his fingers slackened in her grip made it seem to Namine that he'd realized something—what, though?

"No…" Yen Sid answered. He was clearly uncomfortable, bony hands clenched into tight fists while resting on the arms of his chair.

"Why not?" Sora asked, and it was a good question. If this powerful sorcerer knew about everything that was going on in the worlds, why had he not yet learned about Riku? The way Mickey talked made it out like Yen Sid had some power of foresight, so how had he not foreseen anything concerning Riku?

Yen Sid considered the question for a long moment, lowering his head in thought. "Honestly? I do not know," he replied in his rumbling voice. He sounded troubled, but his voice got no quieter as he spoke. "Tell me, Riku." He looked up, and though his sharp gaze fixed on Riku, it still partially included Namine, and that made her shiver. "Do you think there is anything about yourself that could be shielding you from my perception?"

Riku shrugged. He shifted his feet a little uncomfortably. Clearly, he had something in mind, but didn't want to say it.

"Is… is it because he's a Replica?" Namine asked, for him. That was the only answer she could think of immediately, and she could understand if he did not want to say it.

Yen Sid's eyes flickered over to her, and Namine instantly regretted speaking. She doubted he was really upset with her—or with anything—but his still-piercing gaze and the way his eyebrows seemed drawn in a permanent scowl were still uncomfortable, especially when his attention was on her.

"It is possible," he allowed. "But unlikely."

"Is it possible I just slipped under it?" Riku asked.

Sora and Kairi sent glances at each other, communicating without words in that way they'd always had, in that way that needed no sort of telepathy. Sora kept turning his head off to the side, though, as if trying to recall something. Namine wondered what that was about.

"Hmm…" Yen Sid did not sound convinced, nor did he look it. And neither did Mickey.

After a quick glance between Yen Sid and Riku, Mickey spoke. "I know it won't fix the problem, Master Yen Sid," he said. "But I _did _tell ya about Riku, a while back. He helped take down Organization 13. That's why I brought him here to learn about Xehanort."

"Aha! So you _do _know about me!" Riku said.

Yen Sid glared at him. "That does not change the fact the stars can tell me nothing about you," he argued. His voice had never seemed to rumble more than it did now. Namine flinched a little. "Forgive me if I am distressed, but for you to be part of something so large and yet for me to only hear of you by word of mouth is… troubling, at best."

Riku's hand moved to better loop his fingers through Namine's. She looked up at him, watching worriedly as he stood there. The good mood he'd had upon returning from Destiny Islands—that's where he'd said he'd been, anyway—was long since gone, but it was even worse to watch him now, as his eyes fixed on the ground and he coughed anxiously. It wasn't nice to see him this uncertain with himself.

"…is it because I'm from a parallel universe?" he whispered.

Namine's eyes widened. _Oh._

Kairi and Sora exchanged looks similar to her own. Mickey looked startled, though only a little. He must've already known about the parallel universe thing. And in any case, his surprise was only a pale rival to Yen Sid's.

Yen Sid had leaned forward in his chair, looking about ready to jump to his feet. His hands had moved from the arms of his chair to lay flat on his desk as he held himself forward. "A… _what?_" he demanded.

Riku shrugged hard. "I- I dunno! A parallel universe. I'm not sure how to explain it any better than that." He glared a little at Yen Sid, or rather, pouted. Namine squeezed his hand. "I guess I can go get Vexen, if you really want me to, I'm sure he can explain this whole multiverse thing better than I could."

"No, no, that is fine," Yen Sid assured him. "I am well aware of the theory, I just never anticipated the _reality_."

"Well, it's real," Riku said. "I don't need to get concrete proof, do I? Because I can really only bring you Vexen, and he's not exactly the most reliable—"

Mickey held up a hand to interrupt Riku. "We believe you, Riku," he said, then turned his attention to Yen Sid. "I already talked to Vexen about this, and he's reliable in my opinion. It's not like someone would lie about bein' from a parallel universe."

Yen Sid stroked his beard thoughtfully. "It would certainly explain why the stars know nothing about you, Riku…" He let out a long disgruntled sigh. "And perhaps you are why I haven't been able to get a definitive reading from the stars in so long."

Namine sent a glance at Riku, wondering how he was taking this news. His eyes were forward—not exactly looking at Yen Sid—and his face set in what most people would read as grim determination, but she knew to read as veiled unease. Mickey was watching and surely listening to Yen Sid intently, while Sora's brow was furrowed as if he were mulling something over hard. Namine could almost hear the gears turning in his head. Kairi stood in a way that might suggest disinterest, but if she wasn't listening as well as the rest of them, Namine would be shocked.

"I thought I knew what would happen," Yen Sid continued. "That I knew what needed to be done. But then everything suddenly and very violently changed, and ever since…" He grumbled with discomfort. "I hate to say it, but, I am blind. The stars will still tell me what is currently going on, but I see no future written in them now."

"What happened to the future?" Sora asked.

"Too many things happened that the stars could not account for," Yen Sid replied, with a very definitive look at Riku. Riku looked away. "And so the future initially written in them became incorrect."

"Okay," Kairi butt in, in a tone that made Namine preemptively role her eyes. "So like, you're saying that the stars tell you what's going on, but they won't tell you about what Riku's up to."

Yen Sid nodded—though in a very slow way which Namine did not think was hesitance.

"I can see the ripples of his actions, nothing more," he answered Kairi.

Kairi nodded. Sora eyed her. "Right," Kairi said. "But, like, can you see everyone else's actions? Or, how specifically can you see them? I guess what I'm trying to say is: do you know when I'm going to the bathroom?"

"Kairi…" Mickey warned, in a tone of voice that said he wasn't really mad, but that she probably needed to stop.

"No, what it is, he can't see anything about me and so he can't get a reliable prediction of the future because I've messed up the natural flow of the universe or whatever," Riku said, though that was not quite what they were talking about anymore. Before Kairi could steer the conversation back in the direction she apparently wanted it to go, or Yen Sid could interrupt, Riku continued: "I'm assuming you wanted us—well, Sora—here because you… saw something about Xehanort, right?"

"I told you that I cannot see the future," Yen Sid replied slowly. "Something you just pointed out."

"Yeah, but, you also said you can see the present in nonspecific but presumably large detail," Kairi argued.

Yen Sid glared a little at her. "I have seen nothing about Xehanort," he said, answering Riku's question. "I do not see everything. I only called you here because I supposed I should inform you… all… what to expect from him."

Namine raised her eyebrows at his hesitance about saying the word _all._

Kairi snapped her fingers.

"Aha! So you _don't _know when I'm— _ow!_"

Sora elbowed her to make her stop. Kairi swore under her breath.

"Sora!" she shouted, glaring death at him and clutching her chest. "Watch where you're elbowing!"

Sora clapped one hand to his mouth and reached out to her with the other one. "Oh my gosh sorry that was your boobs—"

"A-_HEM_."

Yen Sid cleared his throat loudly. Sora and Kairi quickly straightened and dropped their hands to their sides, giving him what was supposed to at least _look _like undivided attention, though Kairi was still grimacing and Sora biting his lip hard. Namine rolled her eyes a little. Riku sighed, as did Yen Sid, while Mickey shook his head.

"Aqua already told them that Xehanort was comin' back," Mickey said. "So you don't hafta explain that bit to 'em."

Yen Sid nodded again, in that slow way of his that really just seemed to be a lowering of his head. "I see…" He raised his head again. "And what else do the four of you know about Xehanort?"

"We got 'really evil' and 'wanted to conquer the worlds' outta Ven," Kairi said.

Sora nodded, looking at her as if for confirmation. "There was something about Terra, too…"

Namine thought she should offer something up—not that she had much to offer—but her heart was in her throat, and the thought of speaking at all was too much. She cursed her nerves and gripped Riku's fingers tighter, but that was all she could do.

"That he's Ansem and Xemnas, but like, a full person?" Riku said, with a note of uncertainty in his words. "They were his Heartless and Nobody and now that they're dead he can come back."

"Oh yeah!" Sora nodded aggressively. "I knew that too! So, like, we know he's not a great person, especially since he's like, both of those guys mashed into one guy." He squeezed his hands together, to emphasize his point.

"That's not _quite…_" Yen Sid began.

"D'you think he's back already?" Kairi asked. "Xehanort, I mean. It's been a while since we took down the Organization."

Yen Sid hesitated a moment, but Namine thought it looked more out of annoyance for being interrupted than anything else. "It would be unwise to assume otherwise," he said. "It would _also_ be unwise to assume he's simply Ansem and Xemnas mashed together." He sent a look at Sora. "Xehanort is terribly cunning, a formidable Keyblade Master, and though I do not yet know what he is planning, it would be best if you all remained on guard. We cannot know when he will strike."

Namine shivered, not liking to hear this, not liking the looming feeling of another battle. She did not have to take part in it, of course, not if she did not want to, but that thought didn't ease her stomach at all. The Organization had done horrible things to her, to all of them, and if Xehanort was worse than Xemnas... She started to grip Riku's fingers tighter, except, he was pulling them out of her grasp.

"Why don't we circumvent that?" Riku asked, arms folded on his chest, looking at Yen Sid with determination glinting in his eyes. "I mean, if we all go after him now, _combined… _I'm sure that'd be more than enough to take him. Between the element of surprise and the fact he'd be outnumbered…"

He sounded almost like Alpha, plotting a phase of the Rebellion. The thought of how unhappy he'd be to know that made Namine smile, just a little. Not that it lasted long.

"Yeah!" Kairi agreed. "And if we get Roxas to help, whatever he's up to these days, I'm sure that'd be more than enough, ridiculously cunning Keyblade Master or no!"

"We could add Aqua and Ven to the mix, too," Sora said. "That's like, seven of us, plus Cloud and Tifa and maybe the whole gang at Hollow Bastion if we—"

"ABSOLUTELY NOT," Yen Sid broke in, his voice loud, much louder than was natural, probably amplified with magic. It seemed to shake the whole room. He looked furious. "First of all, Riku, you are not going anywhere _near _Xehanort with your darkness the way it is—and before you ask," he sent a glare at Kairi, "just because the stars cannot see Riku does not mean my own senses are faulty."

Namine clasped her hands together. She had played no part in this short concoction of a plan, and Yen Sid's anger was not directed at her, but she still felt guilty. Guilty, and queasy, to have been so easily included in their counts of who would face Xehanort when she did not want to be anywhere near a battle ever again.

"Second of all," Yen Sid continued. "There will be no hasty killing of Xehanort." His voice was no longer unnaturally loud, but he wasn't any less angry. "It would be disrespectful to my old friend's memory to leave one of his pupil's in Xehanort's clutches, and to disregard his successor's wish of saving her friend."

"And cruel to, uh, kill Terra along with Xehanort," Mickey added, in a quiet voice.

Yen Sid nodded—still in that slow way which involved not much more than a lowering of his head—in agreement. "Until I have determined a way to save Terra," he said, "we are not confronting Xehanort."

"Then why did you call us here?" Riku asked. Namine cringed at the sting in his voice. He was clearly tired of this conversation.

"I only asked for Sora," Yen Sid replied sharply. Mickey deflated a little where he stood, eyes falling to his toes as he shuffled his feet uneasily. "Because I wanted to discuss the prospect of training with him."


	44. In which the visit with Yen Sid is over

**AN/ **Heya! An indie RPG game called UNDERTALE is coming out tomorrow, Sept 15 2015, at 12PM noon EST! You can buy it tomorrow at "undertale . c o m" or play the free demo there today! I played the demo a couple of months ago, and I thought it was extremely well written, had surprises at every turn, and had a charming style of gameplay and dialogue that kept making me smile. I can't wait to get my hands on the full game. Please consider playing the demo, at the very least, because the demo is a great experience just on its own!

Anyway! CHAPTER!

* * *

"Training!?" Sora asked, and all of his thoughts about Xehanort and Terra and how Mickey was right, they couldn't go killing Xehanort if he was using Terra's body like Ven said he was—all those thoughts flew out of his mind. He felt a comment along the lines of _since when did you care about Terra _bubbling from Kano, but both of their attention was so quickly snapped to the subject of training that it was never said.

Yen Sid nodded. "Yes, I said training. Considering Xehanort is coming back, and that you have only six months of self-taught experience with the Keyblade, it could not hurt for you to… _refine _your skills."

'_Refine?' _Kano laughed. '_Hear that, Sora? He says you're bad with the Keyblade.'_

_ Well, I certainly ain't no master, _Sora replied, not really bothered by Kano's comment. He exchanged excited glances with Kairi. His heart felt like it was in his throat. He didn't know much about Keyblade Masters, and was sure training to be one would take _years, _but it was still exciting to be starting. Also a little nauseating.

"The last thing we'd want is for you to be in over your head should'ya hafta face Xehanort alone…" Mickey added.

_And… HE has a point, _Sora said to Kano, swallowing hard. He did his best to ignore Kano's discomfort, which pressed at him as Mickey spoke. It was getting easier to ignore, at least, probably because he'd been forced to ignore it since Mickey showed up on Kairi's doorstep earlier—and was that…? No, the feeling was gone again, too quickly for him to be sure of.

'_If Xehanort's like they're making him out to be, some training's not gonna help you, though,' _Kano warned.

Sora swallowed again. He'd been trying not to think about that. Or how casually Yen Sid and Mickey considered him dead meat _without _the training. _Oh, don't be so pessimistic! _he told Kano, though there was no conviction in it._ I'm sure—oh crud. _He could feel the blood draining from his face, and he bit his tongue. _That voice, earlier… do you think?_

It was a moment before Kano replied.

'_…no,' _he said. '_Can't have been.'_

Sora's heart raced, though. He could _feel _how little certainty there was in that answer. He thought maybe he should mention the voice to Mickey and Yen Sid, but, then again, if he didn't ask about it, it felt less—

"Sora!" Kairi nudged him hard, and he gratefully pushed his thoughts to the side.

"What?" he asked, looking first at her, and then, as he realized he must've missed something he'd been asked, turned to Mickey and Yen Sid. "W… what?" he asked again, feeling very silly, and hoping they didn't read too much into it, lest he have to tell them about Kano.

"I asked if you actually agreed to training or not," Yen Sid said, his voice rumbly and irritated, probably due to Sora not paying any attention for the past few minutes.

Sora made sure to make a quick recovery, though. "OH! Yeah!" He nodded aggressively. "Yeah, training's a great idea."

"Good," Yen Sid said. His gaze slowly swept across everyone else in the room, the features of his face closing in what Sora first read as reluctance, then as distaste with a thread of superiority in it. "I'd offer to train the rest of you," he continued, "but, seeing as none of you can wield a Keyblade…"

Sora sent a glance at Kairi, unhappy to watch her eyes widen with anger and her jaw work with disappointment. He supposed he shouldn't be surprised, though—and neither should she—because Yen Sid had asked _him _about training, and had said nothing about the rest of them in the first place. It would be nice if Yen Sid could help Kairi with magic or whatever, and maybe they'd ask, since Sora knew Kairi was dying to learn so much more, more than Sora could really teach her. If Yen Sid said no, maybe he'd point her to Aerith or Leon, seeing as they'd taught _him _magic just fine…

Sora's eyes then flickered to his right, on the other side of him, narrowing slightly as he watched Namine breathe a sigh of relief. What was that all about? Oh, but, he had something else to ask Yen Sid. Ignoring Kano's snide comment about how Riku was acting—what did Kano care if Riku thought he was too good for training? He probably was—Sora turned his attention back to Yen Sid, and to Mickey.

"So…." he asked slowly, looking between the two of them, not entirely sure which to address. Yen Sid, probably, though, so he fixed his attention on the sorcerer. "Am I training with _you?" _The _you_ could be all inclusive, of course, and Sora darted his eyes at Mickey as he said it. Then he realized how rude that could've sounded, and quickly added: "I mean, it's not like, a problem, I'm just, curious."

"Some," Yen Sid answered. "But, largely, you will be training with Aqua."

Sora could not help the grin that spread across his lips. Kano groaned _hard _inside him, and Sora's mouth twitched downward a second. He hated how Kano could kill his mood so quickly, so easily, and tried to focus on how excited he was to train with Aqua instead. He didn't know a lot about her, of course, but he saw her clear an area of Heartless with a single spell that one time, and he'd sure as heck like to learn how to do _that. _Also, between Ven sitting in his heart for so long and carrying that charm of Terra's, all he could do was think fondly of her.

Kano was another story. But, there wasn't much Sora could do about Kano.

"Lucky…" Kairi grumbled, arms folded over her chest and slouching, Sora was sure, just by her tone. A quick glance to his left confirmed. He made a mental note to as Aqua how she felt about teaching Kairi a few things. Except, hadn't Aqua told her no? Sora thought Kairi'd mentioned it. Oh well, there was always Ven…

The thought of Ven made Kano groan so hard that Sora was surprised it did not leave his own lips. It was like a bubbling hatred and a general dread to be anywhere near Ven, and it was much stronger than what Kano felt about Mickey. Strong enough to make Sora ask, even though he knew the last thing Kano liked was being asked about things.

_What's your beef with Ven?_

As expected, irritation flared through Kano, and Sora could almost picture him scrunching up his face. '_If it's not obvious to you,' _he said, '_then I see no point in trying to explain it.'_

Sora grimaced for a second, then masked the grimace. He was going to get good at masking expressions with all this practice, and he couldn't say he liked the idea. He thought about digging through Kano's memories (because, really, what _was _his beef with Ven?) but reminded himself it was an invasion of privacy, and they both needed all the privacy they could get. Also, now was not a good time.

"When d'ya wanna start training?" Mickey asked.

Sora blinked at the question, then looked at Kairi for an answers. She gave him a look which he knew to read as _well, you have to do something about your parents first, don't you? _

'_And what the hell does she want us to do about them?' _Kano retorted, with a sharp laugh. Sora succeeded in not scowling, but it wasn't easy. '_And it's not like you NEED their permission to train.'_

Sora silently agreed. Not to mention he wasn't doing much these days, anyway, so as long as he was home before dinner they probably wouldn't even notice.

"Well, probably not tomorrow," he said, to answer Mickey, scratching his cheek as he thought. "But… a few days from now should be fine. And from there, whenever, so long as I'm not training _all _day long. I gotta go home _eventually…_"

Kairi raised her eyebrows at him, then sighed. He knew she meant _you could've explained that so much better, _and he smiled uneasily at her. Her eyes trailed away from his face after a moment, narrowing a little, and he turned to follow her gaze. Riku and Namine had stepped a few paces to the side (no surprise, since the conversation had stopped being about them) and were talking in low voices which Sora could not make out. He _did _notice how Namine kept wringing her hands, though, and how she seemed to be paying more attention to the floor than to Riku. There was a general air of unease about her, just like there had been a few minutes ago, just like Kano'd noticed this morning, and Sora was kicking himself for only noticing it now.

_Remind me to talk to her later? _

'_Sora, I'm not—!'_

_ Please, Kano…_

Kano grumbled, but he did not get the chance to argue.

"Does… does this have somethin' to do with your parents?" Mickey asked, watching Sora very carefully.

Sora felt the blood drain from his face.

Kano's discomfort beat twice as strong within him—resonating with his own discomfort, and as he'd noticed before, when their emotions were the same, they were stronger. And because they were stronger, he was positive about what he felt this time: a spike of fear as he made himself look at Mickey, and he was certain it was not his own. Unconsciously, he reached up to rub a phantom pain in his chest.

"Uh, h-how did you…" Sora began, only to have Kano stop his mouth.

'_Idiot! you just told him.'_

Sora's mouth was already halfway open, but it still moved to form a silent _O. _Then he thought about it a bit more, and he frowned.

_No, hang on, _he said. _Mickey had to have known before now, or he wouldn't have asked._

Kano growled a little, knowing Sora was right and hating that he was.

_'Still!' _he barked. '_Can we not—'_

"Do you want me to tell them, Sora, or are you gonna?" Kairi said, interrupting what Kano was saying (Sora knew how it would end, though). Kairi's face was the perfect picture of I Am Right, So There smugness, and it pissed Kano off. Sora was certain that Kano's opinion flashed across his face, because Kairi's eyes darkened, her smile fell a fraction of an inch.

Sora took care to smooth his features, before turning to address Mickey.

'_Sora, please!' _Kano said. '_Do we have to?'_

_ Maybe he can help, _Sora argued. _And if I don't do it now, I'll forget._

Kano moaned.

Sora bit his tongue, turned his head a little away from Mickey, and from Yen Sid—he hadn't said anything in a while, Sora hoped it didn't mean something bad—so that they could not see his face as he argued with Kano.

_C'mon, _he said, _I thought you cared about me._

_ 'Low blow!'_

_ No, seriously, I'm not trying to be—I mean, I know you're no good with this, but, normally, if your friend is worried about something, then you're worried, too! For them._

There was a pause before Kano answered. Sora could feel his emotions shifting, and his thoughts turning.

'_…since when were we friends?'_

Sora swallowed.

_I'd like to be, _he answered.

Kano didn't reply.

Sora thought he felt surprised.

"Sora, I get that Xehanort's important," Mickey said, tapping his foot impatiently, eyes narrowed at Sora, in either frustration or worry or both. "But if your parents don't want you doin' this…"

"No, no, it's not that!" Sora assured him, quickly. "They just really aren't convinced about this whole other worlds thing. Or that Xehanort exists." Sora paused for a moment, and it took him a second to realize it was because he was waiting for Kano to say something. Kano remained silent, though. Sora shook his head a little and pressed on. "Everything I've tried to do so far to prove it to them hasn't made much of a difference…"

Mickey folded his arms across his chest, considering that. "Have ya tried takin' them to another world…?" he asked.

Sora opened his mouth.

Closed it.

"No."

"In his defense!" Kairi cut in. "We—me 'n Sora and my dad, that is—are pretty sure there's some sort of spell on the Islands. One that makes it hard for, like, other worlds to interfere with things, or something? I don't know, I just know that everyone there has forgotten Riku and Namine even existed, and didn't notice at all when Sora went missing for over six months. Everyone, _including _our parents."

Sora sent a look at her, silently saying _thank you_, and she nodded in acknowledgement.

"Oh, is that why your dad took forever to realize who I was?" Riku asked. Sora was surprised he'd even been listening enough to comment. "I thought it was the haircut."

"Definitely why, especially since you don't visit much," Kairi said.

"He double takes every time he sees me, too," Namine told Riku. "Even though I lived there for so long…"

Mickey and Yen Sid exchanged long glances.

"Sounds like a little more than the world barriers to me," Mickey said.

Yen Sid lowered his head in agreement. He was scowling significantly. "It certainly does…"

"Oh, hey!" Kairi's eyes lit up, and she pointed slightly at Yen Sid. "You're a—I, I mean… Could you, maybe, take a look at it? The spell on the Islands, that is, if there is one. We don't wanna take it down or anything, just, maybe figure out if there's a way to exclude our parents from it…"

"Perhaps I could look at it…" Yen Sid agreed, but with a considerable reluctance.

Sora did not miss the glace Kairi flashed at him, raised eyebrows and nose crinkling for just a second. He could almost hear her say _wanna bet he won't actually do it? he seems wishy-washy to me. _Sora wouldn't call Yen Sid wishy-washy, though… He sent a partial glare at Kairi, hopefully conveying that he thought that, and that he thought she shouldn't be so disrespectful.

"Well, anyway, Sora," Mickey said. "D'you wanna bring your parents Here? See if us talking to 'em helps any? Not today, of course! But, sometime soon…"

Sora shrugged, figuring that wasn't a bad idea. Not to mention, a talking mouse was definitely some solid proof. Kairi brightened beside him, radiating the fact she thought this was a good idea as well. Sora opened his mouth, to start discussing the _when, _except Riku interrupted.

"Actually, Hollow Bastion might be a better idea," Riku said. Sora sent a startled glance at him—help from _Riku_ on something like this was the last thing he expected to get. "Everyone's nice there, and, it'd be a bit less of a shock than a mouse and a wizard, no offense."

"None taken," Mickey replied automatically. Yen Sid grunted.

Sora nodded and looked at Kairi for her opinion. She shrugged, considering it—though not for long, like she'd been considering this _before _now—and then she nodded. Riku had a point.

"Well… when?" Sora asked, directing the question at Riku now, instead of Mickey.

"Tomorrow's probably too short of notice…" Riku answered, with a sideways glance at them, before he returned his attention back to a spot on the wall, a spot Sora realized he'd been looking at for a while. Though… maybe it wasn't the wall, Sora thought, as he followed Riku's gaze a little more closely. He seemed to be looking out one of Yen Sid's windows—the larger star-shaped one—at… the stars themselves? "I'll have to ask Aerith," Riku continued. "But, I'll let you know."

"Don't make it too long from now, though," Kairi said, flashing Riku a firm glare.

Riku rolled his eyes at her, and sent a similar glare back. "I won't."

"Your training will start on Monday, Sora," Yen Sid said. He did not need to raise his voice to get everyone's attention again. "Will that be a problem?"

Sora shook his head. "Nope! Monday sounds good."

"When's Monday?" Riku asked, in a lowered voice.

"Four days from now," Kairi whispered back.

"Right," Riku said. His cheeks were red with embarrassment. Sora wanted to tell him that it was okay, he wouldn't have known when Monday was in relation to today either, not until he got home and checked a calendar. Now probably wasn't the time to bring it up, though.

Kairi cleared her throat and fixed her attention on Yen Sid. "Uhm, out of curiosity," she said, "Why wasn't Aqua here? She seems like, she could've been important if you planned on making this about Sora's training. Especially since _she'll _be doing the training…?"

Sora tried not to smile, knowing well enough that Kairi was probably only asking because she wanted to speak to Aqua.

"That's, uh, my fault," Mickey replied, with a cough. "I was… putting this off… and there wasn't any time to contact her at such short notice…"

"Oh," Kairi said. She shifted her weight, sending a grimace at Sora.

Sora bounced a little on his toes. "Uh… is that all?" he asked, scratching the back of his neck. There wasn't exactly an easy way to ask that question. Still, Kairi looked ready to be done with this, and Riku and Namine had both looked done twenty minutes ago. And Kano—that was right, Kano'd blocked off contact after Sora had said…

"Yes, that is all," Yen Sid said, with a deep sigh. "Well, almost all. Riku, about your darkness—"

"It's because I'm a Replica," Riku replied quickly. His eyes were still fixed on the stars out Yen Sid's window. "It's a programming error. They're working on fixing it—don't rag on _me _because they're taking forever."

Yen Sid looked a little startled at such a response, though Sora couldn't say _he _was, for what Riku said or Yen Sid's reaction. Kairi grumbled beside him. That's all she did though. Grumble.

"Then, I guess we should go! I'm your ride home, aren't I?" Mickey flashed a wide smile at all of them, as he pulled out his star shard. "You guys ready?"

"Uh-huh!" Sora said. Kairi and Riku agreed from either side of him. He did not hear Namine, but maybe she nodded. He turned to look, but only saw that she was dropping her arms to her sides, clenching and unclenching her fingers a few times. She met his eyes for just a second, then turned away, mumbling something that sounded like _ready_.

And then they all left.


	45. In which Riku's reassured by his friends

**AN/ **HELLO! First off: I know I said "I'm gonna do consistent monday updates" but then I remembered that having a set schedule stresses me out SOO we're going back to that "roughly once a week but never on a specific day" schedule.

SECOND: Please play Undertale. It is such a good game. It is SUCH a good game. So far it's kept me up at night, made me laugh, made me cry, made me grin like an idiot, and I'm! I'm floored by how well-written it is and how many surprises it has and I literally haven't been able to stop thinking about it since getting it just a week ago. IT'S SO GOOD! it's ten bucks, an absolute steal for what all is packed into this game. you can get it on it's website: undertale dot c o m. please do. please.(and if my word isn't enough, then try out it's DEMO, absolutely free!)

* * *

"Hey! There you are!" Kairi's dad, Ren, called from the kitchen as Kairi let them all into the house—not that he needed to yell, seeing as the kitchen was only three steps from the door. The house wasn't big. None of the houses on Destiny Island were. "I made smoothies."

Sora grinned and step forward to take a glass, and also to get out of the way. Behind him, he heard Kairi worriedly ask.

"Uh, _dad…_"

"Stress-cooking!" Ren replied, meeting her eye. "Look what you've got me doing! Stress-_smoothie_-making! I'll use up all the fruit on the island if you keep this up."

Sora laughed, and then coughed and spluttered, seeing as he'd been in the middle of taking a drink.

"Serves you right," Kairi told him, moving to pass smoothies to Riku and Namine. Sora wiped at his mouth, and then rather than ask for a paper towel, just wiped it on his pants. Then he remembered that Mickey was still in the room, and, well… Oh well. He flashed an uneasy smile at Mickey and slid over to the table, Riku and Namine following him.

"So! Tell me how it went!" Ren said, meeting Sora's eyes this time. Kairi was still moving towards the table, so he couldn't exactly look at her for an answer. Sora opened his mouth to speak, but Ren cut him off. "Actually, uh… Mickey? Do you mind telling me what's up, while the kids work on their smoothies? That way they can't leave anything out."

Mickey laughed and nodded. "Sure thing! That is, if I don't need to get you two home already?" He looked at Riku and Namine.

Namine shrugged and shook her head, but Riku scrunched up his face.

"Call Aerith if you think it's gonna be a problem," Kairi said, sitting down.

"And, hey!" Ren said. "Why don't you all scoot so the adults can have the table?"

Kairi scowled and stuck her tongue out at him. She was the last one to get back up, probably out of spite, so it was a good thing Sora knew where her phone was. It was hanging on the wall that separated the kitchen from the little area by the stairs. Right next to it was a corkboard, with flyers about the latest town events and a list of phone numbers pinned to it, among other things, including a picture Kairi'd drawn when she was five that her dad refused to take down. Sora tapped the smaller piece of paper that had Aerith's and Leon's and Cloud's and Tifa's numbers on it, in case Riku didn't know Aerith's off the top of his head—he might not.

As Riku handed his smoothie to Namine so he could hold the phone, Sora settled into the corner by Ren's work desk (just a few steps from the phone, half of it under the stairs.) Kairi joined them, asking to check and make sure Riku knew Aerith's number. Sora nodded and took another drink of his smoothie.

He wondered briefly if he should try and contact Kano again, to make sure if he was okay, or whatever. It had been somewhere around fifteen minutes since Kano'd last said something, certainly not the longest time, but long enough to make Sora wonder. He decided against it, though. The two of them could both use as much "alone" time as they could get, not to mention it'd be nice to actually devote _all_ of his attention to Riku and Namine while they were still here. Both of them knew about Kano, of course—he'd had to tell Riku if he wanted Riku to help him research—but holding two conversations at once wasn't easy…

"Hey," Kairi nudged him. "Bet I can down this faster than you can." She raised her cup with the smoothie in it. She still had a lot more in there than he had in his.

Sora rolled his eyes. "Please. I doubt it."

Kairi moved the cup closer to her mouth. "Three… two… one—"

"Go!" Sora shouted, slamming his cup to his lips and throwing his head back.

Technically, Kairi didn't win, but Sora was sure she'd downed at least as much as he had by the time he'd finished, so he didn't make a big deal about it. Besides, Riku was off the phone by then.

"Should we, uh, go upstairs?" Namine asked. She cast a hesitant look to the table—which she could still see from where she was standing at the edge of the wall. Sora could hear Mickey and Ren talking, though he wasn't paying enough attention to catch what they were saying.

"Technically…" Kairi said, slowly, as she wiped her mouth. "Dad only said we had to scoot from the table." She raised her eyebrows, and though she didn't say it, it was pretty clear she wanted them to stick around and listen in.

Riku rolled his eyes. "As much as I'd love to eavesdrop," he said. "I actually have something I wanted to… ask?" He dropped his gaze a little, taking his smoothie back from Namine.

Kairi nodded without hesitation. "Upstairs it is."

They all shuffled up there and into Kairi's room, seeing as it would be silly to stand and talk in the hallway. Kairi flopped down on her bed right away, setting her not-quite-empty smoothie glass on the floor off to the side. Sora stayed standing, leaning against the dresser Namine'd used when she was here, seeing as neither Riku nor Namine looked like they were gonna sit, and he didn't want to make them any more uncomfortable. Riku hardly took more than a step out of the doorway, and Namine stood against the wall next to her bed, looking at her smoothie instead of at them. Sora remembered that he wanted to talk to her, but, whatever Riku had to say came first.

"Uh, okay…" Riku cleared his throat. "Do you, like… are you mad at me?"

Sora looked at him, then sent a glance at Kairi, to see if she understood the question better than him. She didn't seem to, or probably not. It was hard to tell when she was lying down and he couldn't see her face.

"What for?" Sora asked.

Riku rubbed a hand over his arm, sending nervous glances largely at Sora. "For, like, messing up the natural flow of the universe or whatever," he mumbled.

Sora raised his eyebrows. Of all things. Kairi chuckled.

"Oh, please, is that it? Definitely not a big deal," she said, and she propped herself up on an elbow. After blowing away hair that had fallen into her face from the motion of moving, she continued: "It's not like you had any clue it was gonna happen, and even if you did, what were you supposed to do about it? You said you came here because some guy said you could have a second chance at life or whatever?"

Riku nodded.

"Okay, so, if anything, it's his fault for not telling you the potential consequences, even though this totally feels like some big cosmic thing we've got no control over and might be bullcrap," Kairi said.

"Hey, actually, if I can have a magic key sword, I don't think we should knock something like destiny so quickly," Sora argued. "I know life's not a fairytale, but you gotta admit we're pretty deep in the monsters and magic stuff."

Kairi grunted at him. "Okay. _Fine_. But, it's not like Riku could do anything about not coming here, short of, like, dying. Not really his fault."

"Yen Sid was making it out to be this really important thing, though…" Riku muttered. He rubbed a little harder at his arm.

"C'mon, Riku, no point fussing over a future we'll never see," Sora told him. "And how great could it really be, anyway? Can't've been worth _dying _over." Riku'd never told them the circumstances, exactly, of how he'd come to this universe, but Kairi'd worked it out of Namine, and of course Kairi told him. Riku'd been found in a near death state by whoever'd brought him over to this universe. If he'd decided not to accept the offer for this second chance…

"It was probably one where you didn't fall into darkness…" Riku said.

Sora considered that a moment. It was a little more reasonable to be worried about. Still, though… "So what?" he asked, straightening and fixing his fiercest gaze at Riku, daring Riku to challenge this. "So what! I wouldn't fall to darkness, alright, but I'd never have you for a friend. Doesn't seem like a great trade off to me."

"Yen Sid was making it out to be this fantastic thing—"

"Pretty sure he wasn't," Kairi said. She sent a glance to Sora for confirmation, and he nodded.

"Yeah! Pretty sure outside of," he cleared his throat and in his best Yen Sid voice said: "'I can't see anything in the stars now!' he didn't say anything about what the future was _supposed _to be."

"But he—"

"Yen Sid is a crusty old man who is having trouble adjusting to the idea that life is not dictated by some predetermined script written by some deity or the stars or whatever," Kairi interjected. "And, if you _really _cared about his opinion, wouldn't you be asking him, and not us?" "Yeah!" Sora echoed.

Riku looked down at his toes.

Sora continued.

"I mean, sure, maybe we all _did _have some sort of destiny lined out for us. Like I said, we are pretty deep in this monsters and magic stuff." The Keyblade seemed to itch in the back of his mind as he said it, and the weight of Kano still pressed in his chest, even if their link was stifled right now. "I dunno anything legitimate about telling the future, Riku, but I always thought it involved more probablys than it did definitelys. And maybe my 'destiny' was just to defeat Xehanort. Well, I'm still getting there, aren't I? Pretty sure nothing's been botched beyond repair."

Riku laughed a little, but it sounded like a happy laugh. He looked up, a smile on his lips, meeting both Sora's and Kairi's gaze for just a second each. "Thank you…" he said.

"No problem," Kairi said.

"Mmhmm," Sora agreed, with a nod. "It's not like you were _directly _responsible for me falling into darkness anyway." Maybe jealousy for Riku _had _been among the things that'd pushed him to do it, but _Riku _wasn't responsible for his emotions, _he _was.

"Yeah, and I don't care how shiny of a future was written in those stars before you showed up," Kairi added. "I bet it wasn't half as good as the one that's coming to us now, if only because you wouldn't be here—also because Namine wouldn't be here either…" Her eyes widened, but then she nodded definitively. "So, yeah, it'd be _less _than half as good."

"What do you think, Namine?" Sora asked. She hadn't said anything this whole conversation, though they hadn't tried much to include her. And, if Sora remembered right, she always had trouble interacting if they didn't engage her directly.

"Huh?" She looked up from her smoothie, and, from the expression on her face, her thoughts. "I… I mean, yeah…" She cast a hesitant glance at Riku. "I certainly… don't blame you, Riku…" She pressed her glass to her lips, mumbling something like '_existing is better than not existing'._

Sora watched her a moment, trying to gauge what was wrong, also waiting to see if Kairi and Riku had anything more to say… Well, they'd waited too long if they did. "Hey, Namine… is everything—"

"ALRIGHT KIDS, WE'RE DONE," came the sound of Ren shouting from downstairs. "Time for Riku and Namine to get heading home, I guess!"

Sora and Namine stared at each other for a long moment, Sora wrestling with whether or not he should continue. Then she coughed and looked away, holding out her glass to him.

"Do… you want my smoothie, Sora…?" she asked. "I'm not gonna finish it…"

He stared a second more, then took it from her. "Y… yeah. Thanks."

Riku and Kairi were already out the door, and Namine was quick on their heels.

"…could always spend the night, I suppose," Ren was saying as Sora climbed far enough down the stairs to hear. "But they'll have to clear it with their, uh…" He stopped short, clearly wanting to finish that with _parents, _but knowing he couldn't.

"They'll have to ask Aerith," Kairi supplied for him. Sora was at the bottom of the stairs now, just in time to see Riku shake his head.

"Nah, I've been missing all day," he said. "Probably shouldn't. Namine could, if she wanted…?"

Namine shook her head as well. "N-no, we should both…"

Riku nodded. "Well, alright then, uh, Mickey. Let's go."

The three of them left.

Sora waited until Ren moved back into the kitchen, to deal with clean-up of the smoothie mess—he'd taken Kairi's and Sora's empty glasses, along with Riku's mostly full one, intending to drink that himself. Sora still held Namine's. Anyway, he waited until Ren was in the kitchen, and then he spoke.

"Something's wrong with Namine," he said.

"What?" Kairi sent a glance at him, and then continued writing on the calendar on the cork board. After a second, Sora realized she was noting down, on Monday, _Sora's first day of training._

"I dunno, it's just… she seems…" But Sora wasn't sure where to begin. It felt like more than how distracted she'd been all evening, the way she'd kept wringing her hands, and listing those things to Kairi seemed silly anyway. "Something's wrong, Kairi," he repeated, instead. "Haven't you noticed?"

She'd always believed him on these sorts of things before, so he wasn't too worried, but still, all she could do was shrug in response to his question. "There was… a lot going on tonight," she told him, putting the pen on top of the corkboard, and turning to him in full.

"Well, what about before now?" Sora asked. "I mean, she stayed with you for two weeks just a bit ago!"

"So! You didn't notice anything then either!"

"Kairi, come on, this isn't a competition."

She stared at him a moment, then sighed. "Well… there was…" she began. Her face was scrunched up hard in thought. She didn't continue.

Impatient as always, Sora pressed her. "What? There was what?"

"There was a lot going on then, too, between her and Riku, for starters!" Kairi said. She crossed her arms over her chest, pulling her lip into her mouth to chew it.

Sora watched her, a knot of anticipation in his stomach, a knot of worry. Something was beating in his chest, something he'd noticed about Namine, but it hadn't gotten through from his heart to his head yet, so all he could do was wait for Kairi. The reminder that he hadn't noticed sooner stung, too, because two months was a long time to take to realize something was wrong, and he was sure now that something had been wrong for a while.

"She's a lot quieter," Kairi said, quickly. She dropped her eyes from him. There was a tension in her voice. "She's quieter, and it's harder to make her laugh, and she jumps at every other little thing. _But…_" She held her head to the side for a moment. "But… we all went through a lot. She's probably just figuring out how to… settle, again, y'know? Like we all are. I mean! It's harder to make you laugh half the time, too! Riku's the only one of us who seems to be doing a fine, which is surprising."

Sora nodded. Less at her comment about Riku, and more about Namine.

"Yeah, I guess that's all it is," he said. He knew coping was hard. It hadn't been easy for him, and it'd never been easy for Riku, and if he ever thought Namine wasn't having trouble, then all he needed to do was remember how she'd broken down with panic at the thought of having to cast offensive magic.

"Do you think… we should try 'n help?" Sora asked.

"Outside of actually keeping better contact with her and Riku instead of letting weeks pass without seeing either of them," Kairi said. "I can't think of anything else we can do right now."

Sora sighed, but he nodded in agreement.

He couldn't think of anything either.

He took a cautious sip of the smoothie he held, because it was there, because he'd forgotten about it, because he'd said he would drink it.

"What time do you think they'll want you there on Monday?" Kairi asked, looking at the calendar again.

Sora shrugged. He hadn't thought much about that. "Well… I'll just go over after breakfast, and see if that's a bad time or what. Hard to schedule when time doesn't pass the same between worlds, and when I have to juggle with my parents not knowing…"

"That'll hopefully be fixed this weekend, though," Kairi argued. "You staying the night?"

Sora nodded. Then he grimaced.

"Uh, well… if I'm allowed to?" he said, raising his voice a little, so that Ren could hear him, since that's who he needed permission from at this point. The walls weren't that thick, though, and Sora knew that, so he didn't raise his voice by much.

"You're fine," Ren called back. Then he was around the corner, drying one of the smoothie glasses as he looked between the two of them. Ren had always been a laid-back man, Sora thought, much more than his parents at any rate, and even now he had a lazy smile on his lips, one that Kairi'd inherited. She'd also inherited the fierceness that entered his eyes as the subject became more serious. "For the night, anyway. I want you to try and sort things out, though. Can't hide you here forever."

"Yes sir," Sora said, with a mock salute. He meant it, of course, and Ren knew that. Ren gestured to the glass he was holding, and Sora happily handed it over.

"Mickey mentioned you were gonna try and take your parents to another world," Ren said, reaching around the wall to put the smoothie glasses on the kitchen counter. "Sounds like a good idea. Any chance I can come?"

Sora and Kairi looked at each other. Kairi's features were definitely written with a _why not? _"That sounds fine to me, dad!" she said.

"We're still working out the details, though…" Sora said.

"Riku's just gotta let us know when a good time is," Kairi explained. "Hopefully he'll tell us tomorrow. If not, then I'll call Aerith or Leon."

"Maybe we'll shoot for Saturday," Ren suggested. "I'm off then."

"Mm, but my dad's not," Sora said, with a sigh. "He's only got Sundays… So, it'll have to be Sunday. The morning, but, not too early since Hollow Bastion's, uh…" He couldn't remember what the time difference between here and Hollow Bastion was, so looked at Kairi for his answer.

"I dunno, just that they're behind us," was all Kairi could tell him, though. "Whatever. We'll just figure it out tomorrow when I call."

"Or, we could… talk to them in person?" Sora suggested. That would count as 'seeing Namine and Riku more often', and with so many people to coordinate, it seemed easier to not try and do it on the phone.

"If you do, can I come?" Ren asked. He seemed very insistent on this. "Unless, oh…" He looked at Sora, mouth scrunched up as he thought. "Do you think it'll make your parents feel better if it's a first for me, too, on Sunday?"

"Hmm, probably," Sora said.

Ren nodded. He scratched at the stubble on his chin as he leaned a shoulder against the wall. "Speaking of, Sora, your dad showed up while you were gone," he said. "Timing was impeccable. Showed up _right_ after you left, but not soon enough to catch you leaving.

"Of course," Kairi laughed in exasperation. Ren nodded at her, features twisted like his daughter's in a way that made it clear he was thinking _I know, right?_

"What'd he want?" Sora asked.

"Wanted to talk to you, of course. I told him you were already asleep. He may have believed me." Ren shrugged. "Then he asked me if I'd noticed anything, uh, _off _about you."

Sora swallowed thickly, breathing hard around the sudden clench in his chest.

Ren smiled sympathetically at him, and continued: "I told him no, I didn't think so, but I hadn't exactly been looking. Figured I'd leave the magic explanations to you."

"Thanks…" Sora mumbled, glad that Ren had not said anything to his dad. He probed cautiously for Kano, wondering if the fear sitting in his chest was actually his or not. Kano wasn't responding, though. Not a big deal. Sora didn't want to argue with him about his parents anyway.

"You… are alright, aren't you?" Ren asked.

Sora nodded. "As good as I'll ever be right now."

"And Kano…?"

"A magic thing, I swear."

Ren nodded, satisfied with that answer. He pushed away from the wall and glanced at the clock. "Alright, well, I won't tell you two that you _have _to go to bed, but, it is late…" He trailed off with a raise of his eyebrows that said he _definitely _thought they should go to bed.

"You should go to bed too, dad," Kairi argued. "You still have work tomorrow."

Ren waved her worries to the side. "Yeah, yeah. I'll be fine."

Kairi sent a knowing look at Sora and rolled her eyes. He laughed a little and rolled his eyes with her. Chances were, Ren would be up half the night anyway. It was a good thing his work never suffered.

Goodnights were said, and Sora and Kairi headed back up the stairs. Sora'd sleep in the extra bed—Namine's bed, he still wanted to call it, even though she did not live here anymore. Kairi had a pair of his pajamas stashed in a drawer for exactly this occasion, along with a change of clothes, so that wasn't a problem either, at least.

There was a tension in the air as they got settled, moonlight streaming into the dark room through the curtains. Sora lay staring at the ceiling, waiting for Kairi to say whatever it was she wanted to say. If she didn't soon, he resolved just to ask her. Thankfully, he didn't have to.

"About… Kano…" she said, very slowly. She was not looking at him, Sora saw, when he rolled over on his side to face her. He studied her a moment, on her back with her hands folded over her stomach. A heaviness weighed on him with the question, and it seemed to weigh on her, too.

"Can we not tonight, Kai?" he asked, flopping back onto his back. He reached up to rub his head, scowling at the ceiling. The last thing he wanted to do tonight is argue with Kairi again. To say they'd never argued before would be a lie—they'd argued plenty since they first met at age 2!—but an argument had never lasted this long, had never been about something this serious. No matter what he said, he could not seem to change her mind about Kano, and the fact she wanted to pick a fight over it every other time they spoke wasn't helping.

Maybe it'd be good to try and talk about it while Kano wasn't here to interrupt, but then again, talking about him was probably the best way to get his attention. It wouldn't last for long. The literal lack of privacy was Sora's biggest complaint about Kano being here, or at least, where he was. He hoped that problem would be fixed when they had separate bodies again….

"Alright," Kairi agreed, voice quiet. "Goodnight, Sora."

"'Night Kairi."

He closed his eyes and prepared to sleep.


	46. In which we take a walk

**AN/ **Heya! I've been really distracted by UNDERTALE and writing UNDERTALE fic and so I, uh, forgot to post this until right now. SORRY! Here it is now!

* * *

Namine jumped at the knock on the bedroom door.

"Namine…?" Aerith called.

"Yeah!" Namine said, then cleared her throat, trying not to think about how strained her voice may or may not have sounded.

She clenched and unclenched her hand a few times, her fingers all stiff from holding her pencil much tighter than she probably should've been. The open page of her sketchbook was nearly completely black with pencil, the picture some dark blob with a lone figure drawn with an eraser in the middle. A good way to vent stress. Kind of. Even if the picture would've been completely incomprehensible to anyone but herself, she quickly shut her sketchbook so that Aerith would not be able to see it as she opened the door.

"Hi," Aerith said, smiling at her, as she poked her head in. She opened the door a little further and leaned around it, so she could see Riku's bed. There was no Riku in it. Aerith sighed. "Gone again, huh…?"

Namine nodded, though Aerith didn't turn back to her in time to see it. "He was gone when I woke up," she said. "He'll probably be back soon, though. He was yesterday."

"Yeah, he was…" Aerith agreed, distractedly.

"I, uh, sorry I didn't come down sooner," Namine said. "I… I just… Uh…" She swallowed, hands falling beside her, fingers running over folds of the bedsheet. She didn't exactly want to explain how it felt like she'd had a certain… security, here, on her bed, with the morning sunlight streaming through the curtain, and with Riku gone. It would sound silly. And that was if she could even put it in words. A shorter—or even different—explanation wasn't coming to mind, though.

At least Aerith did not ask for one. She just smiled again, in a patient way that showed she understood Namine's lack of words, and that it was alright. Namine loved that smile. It never made her feel guilty for not having the courage to say something.

"Well, we couldn't have gone on our walk without Riku, anyway, so no big deal," she said. "Though… I guess we _could _go without him."

Namine shrugged. "I don't think he'd be happy…." Riku was the one who'd suggested these early-morning walks to begin with, since the three of them were the only ones up at this time of morning, and he hated sitting still for extended periods of time. "But… It'd serve him right for vanishing every morning."

"Exactly," Aerith said. Then she grimaced. "Maybe next time he does it…." She hummed a second as she considered that, then nodded towards the stairs. "I think I'm going to go take care of the garden while we wait. Would you like to help?"

"Uh… maybe," Namine replied. "I should, uh, get dressed, first."

Aerith nodded. "Of course!" she said, and then she left, closing the door behind her.

Namine was dressed and outside just in time to see Riku stumble out of a dark corridor in front of the garden. He rubbed at his head as if it hurt while the dark corridor closed behind him, and staggered as he straightened. When he saw her standing the doorway, and Aerith kneeling by the garden, both staring at him, he paled a shade or two, but he smiled and dusted himself off casually.

"Oh, hi!" he said. "Sorry, I got…" He cleared his throat. "Sidetracked."

"You shouldn't be using dark corridors," Aerith said, in a very stern voice.

"Well, how else am I supposed to get around?"

Aerith sighed as she got up. "Remind me to get you that extra star shard we have," she replied, dusting off her hands and then smoothing her skirt.

"Where were you?" Namine asked. She was still standing in the doorway. Just staring at Riku. At least she'd remembered to close the door…

Riku tugged at his shirt, not wanting to look directly at her. "Uh…. Destiny Islands…."

"Again?"

"What's so special about there?" Aerith asked.

"Well, this morning, I was awake and decided I'd catch the sunrise there," Riku answered. "Beautiful sunrises over the water… Maybe we should all go watch one one time. Oh, but that would require getting up at 3 AM. Hmm…" He scratched at his cheek. "Anyway, after that I just lost track of time. Sorry."

"How can you lose track of time when you have an internal clock?" Namine asked. This question had been bugging her for a while. Her own ticked away inside her head, telling her exactly what time it was. Why couldn't Riku pay attention to his?

"It defaults to whatever world I'm on," Riku argued. "So the moment I'm on Destiny Islands, I'm thinking in Destiny Islands time, and it's not easy managing two separate times at once."

"You could buy a watch," Aerith suggested.

He turned to her, a wry look on his face. "Would you believe me if I told you that's where I was most of the morning? Going from store to store, world to world, trying to find a watch that didn't make my skin itch the moment I put it on? Because, that's seriously where most my time went."

"You could've… kept the watch in your pocket…?" Namine said.

"…._oh._"

"Or we could just get you a phone," Aerith said. "That'd probably be better. Anyway…" She gestured towards the street. "Walk?"

Riku nodded. Aerith looked to Namine, who nodded as well, moving quickly to join them in the street. They started off in the direction of the Bailey, like they always did, though they'd turn long before they reached it, left down one of the streets, further into the town. It was a different route every day, though sometimes they swung by the market for groceries, and usually Aerith would check the infirmary, _just in case, _even though there was a sign on the door directing everyone to her house while she wasn't there to man it.

"Sora's parents are coming over today, right?" Riku asked. "Should we cover Heartless rounds while we're out, since they're gonna show up after breakfast, and that's usually when rounds get done…?"

Namine felt a clutch in her chest, and she missed a step. Riku looked over to her as she stumbled, for sure, and maybe Aerith did, but Namine had recovered by then. She tried hard to make it look like it had never happened, and took deep breaths to control the panic in her chest as well as she could.

"Hmm, no…" Aerith said. "I don't think that's a good idea. For starters, I don't have my staff—"

Riku turned and pointed back over his shoulder. "We haven't gotten far, though! The house is just back there, I could run and get it."

Aerith shook her head. She sent a slight glance to her right at Namine, which made Namine's heart catch again, but then Aerith's attention was back on Riku, to her left. "Heartless rounds take a while, Riku, and I really don't want to miss breakfast. We're starting our walk late enough as it is."

Riku sighed. Namine felt like she could breathe again.

"Well, I guess I can always go while they're here," Riku said. "It's not like they're coming to meet _me._"

"You can't go alone, though, Riku, you know that," Aerith said.

"Yeah, I do! Well, maybe Namine could go… with me…?"

He lost all confidence as he finished the question, because Namine was already shaking her head. She hated Heartless rounds. She hated them, she hated fighting, and she was glad Leon had long ago taken her out of rotation for rounds without her having to ask. It was a little embarrassing, just as having Aerith indirectly tell Riku no for her sake now—there was no doubting that's what it had been—but she was still grateful.

"Maybe Yuffie can help," Riku said instead. "It's not like Sora's parents are coming to talk to her, either. Not really."

"No, not really," Aerith agreed. They kept walking.

Of course, just because they didn't intend to do Heartless rounds, didn't mean they weren't going to run into any Heartless. It didn't happen daily or even often—there were less and less Heartless as time went on, it seemed—but it still happened, and today was one of the unlucky days.

Four Heartless materialized. Each was small, two of them of the same type. Namine didn't know which was what, she had never learned Heartless names. She just knew that that red flying one was weak to Blizzard. Riku took two of them down with one slice. A well placed blast of Fira from Aerith took down the third, leaving the red flying one. Namine knew it would be easy to cast Blizzard at it, not to mention be a big help, but she couldn't make herself. Riku jump-slashed it a second later, so it was no big deal, but Namine's heart was still in her throat.

"You could've got that," Riku said, in a tone that was supposed to sound casual. He banished his blade, and the darkness used in the act hung around his fingers for much longer than it should have. Namine didn't notice how he swayed where he stood, for just a moment, but Aerith did.

"I- I just," Namine stammered. She opened and closed her hands at her side. She was almost back against the wall of a nearby house. "I…"

"It's alright, Riku. We got it," Aerith said, holding out a hand toward him. "Are _you_—"

"I don't want to fight," Namine said, explained, words falling out of her mouth. Desperately, her eyes fixed on Riku. He had to understand this. How had he not realized it sooner? It'd been months and she'd never once wanted to be near a battle since… _since…_ "I- I don't want to fight," she said. "I don't want to. I don't like it." She was seconds away from explaining how it made her feel sick, but just the thought of saying that made her stomach flop. She hated it. "I- I don't want to…"

Aerith turned to her now. "You don't have to," she assured Namine, quickly. There was a twinge of impatience in her eyes, but her face was kind, and her tone twice as much. "It's okay, Namine. No one's asking you to. You don't have to fight."

Namine nodded. It was good to hear that. Good to be told that outright. She took a shaky breath, reaching up to wipe away the tears that were streaming down her cheeks. She hated this. She hated being such a mess. But Aerith was still considering her kindly, considering her with that look that made her feel perfectly alright for being like this. Aerith was not expecting her to act any different, and even if Riku was scowling at her from behind Aerith, it looked more like confusion than anything else.

"But…" Riku began.

"She doesn't have to," Aerith repeated, turning back to him. "No one has to fight if they don't want to. Now…" She straightened and held herself as high as she could. "Are _you—_"

"Fine," Riku said. "I'm fine."

Aerith sighed in a way that meant she didn't believe it, but wasn't going to press.

"I- I want to learn how to heal."

Riku sent that confused scowl at Namine again, and, again, Aerith turned back around to face her. Namine put a hand to her mouth. Her stomach felt tight. She had not intended to say that. She'd been thinking about it for a long time now, a very long time, and she'd rehearsed how she'd ask in her mind, over and over again. She'd meant to ask while she and Aerith were closing up the infirmary, some day, so that it wouldn't feel out of nowhere, but it wouldn't interrupt anything more important. This—

But there was no sense stopping now.

"I… I want to help people," Namine continued. "I don't want to fight anyone. I- I want to help…"

"Okay," Aerith said, and she nodded. After a second, she nodded again, like she'd considered it and was certain this time. "Okay, I can do that," she told Namine. "We can do that. You're already helping out some at the infirmary, and you can start helping some more… Yes. I can teach you how to heal, no problem."

Relief swelled up in Namine, even though she'd expected a result much like this one. "Thank you…" she whispered. "Thank you."

Aerith nodded again, pressing a knuckle to her lips as she thought. Riku scowled like he wanted to say something, but he didn't open his mouth to start anything. Namine stood very still, watching Aerith, waiting for what she'd say next. She slowly folded her hands together.

"I think, though…" Aerith said, pulling her hand away from her mouth. "I think it might be a good idea if you learn some more support magic… You've got a pretty good grasp on Reflect, but knowing Barrier better, and M-Barrier, along with spells like Aura—that way you can help out when things like this happen." She gestured to the area around them. "No fighting, but you're there to help if we need more than just Cures or Esunas. You could maybe learn spells like Stop and Confuse and maybe even Meltdown. Nothing to hurt the enemy, just spells to make the battles easier for those who are fighting."

Namine swallowed. She felt herself trembling, and squeezed her hands hard. It did not help, but it made her feel a little better.

"If you want to," Aerith continued, quickly. She put a hand on Namine's shoulder, bending a little so they were eye-level. (Aerith was only a few inches taller than her.) "It's just a thought."

Namine nodded. "I- it's a good thought," she agreed.

"Is that a yes?"

Namine nodded again.

Aerith beamed at her, and squeezed her shoulder. "Alright! I'll teach you what I can in my spare time. Or, we could probably ask Leon. He knows a lot of those. Honestly, if I could get a hold of—oh, wait, that's right. Rinoa's still busy." She hummed to herself as she mulled it over, pulling her hand away from Namine, pressing knuckles to her lips again.

"Rinoa?" Riku asked, leaning to see Aerith's face. "Isn't that the girl who… I mean, didn't Leon write to her, like, ages ago?"

Namine remembered that too, vaguely. It _had _been ages ago.

"A few months ago, yes," Aerith admitted. "She's busy with the sorceress training it took her five years to get serious about, so I'm not surprised she hasn't responded…" She sighed a little as she said it, disappointment heavy in her voice.

"Couldn't you send another letter?" Riku mumbled.

Aerith sent a partial glare at him. "Trust me, Riku, Leon and I both have sent a few already, to different addresses, but there's no telling where she really is or when our letters will reach her." There was no anger in her tone, just that continued twinge of disappointment. "We'll get a hold of her eventually."

"Wh- what's she like?" Namine asked. It sounded like Rinoa wouldn't be teaching her any magic, and that was fine. But she was curious. Anyone who Aerith was disappointed about not hearing much from seemed like a person she'd want to know. The glint in Riku's eyes said he thought much the same.

"Rinoa? She's a good friend of mine," Aerith replied. "We traveled together for a while, and…"

They ended up spending most of their walk talking about Rinoa.


	47. In which Namine and Riku discuss things

**AN/ **Here we are! As a, clarification of sorts, All that Remains is now on a schedule that leans towards "every nine days."

* * *

"Hey, Aerith, why don't you go on ahead?" Riku said.

Namine sent a look at him, wondering what he was up to. Aerith sent him a look, too. They were standing outside of the infirmary—Aerith had just checked to make sure no one had been waiting there for her. No one had, so now they were going to head back to her house.

"I just wanted to… ask Namine something," Riku said.

"Oh!" Surprise, then realization passed through Aerith's face. She looked between the two of them, looked longer at Namine. It took Namine a moment, but finally she caught on to the fact that Aerith was looking to her for confirmation on whether or not this was okay with _her_.

"I-It's alright, go on," Namine told her.

Her stomach was a knot, and she dreaded to hear what Riku wanted to say. But how was she supposed to say she wasn't okay with it? Besides, it was just Riku. It couldn't be that bad.

"Okay," Aerith said, taking a few steps in the direction of her house, still watching Namine carefully. "Well, someone's probably made breakfast by now, given how late we were out, so, that'll be there. And I _think _that Sora and Kairi and their parents are supposed to show up within the next hour, so, try not to take… too long."

"We won't," Riku assured her. Namine nodded in agreement, not that she really had any idea.

Riku waited until Aerith was out of earshot, then he turned to Namine.

"Hey… I've noticed you haven't been quite… y'know… lately," he said.

She frowned at him, not _exactly_ sure what he meant by that. She had a pretty good idea, but… "Y-_yeah_…?" she said.

"And, I mean," he shuffled his feet, looking away from her. "I was Rewritten too…"

"Oh… _Right_."

She turned away from him, crossed her arms over her chest. Bitterness was thick on her tongue.

"So… y'know, I know what it's like." He was trying to sound casual. She refused to look at him. "It's not that easy but—"

"No, you don't," she interrupted. Anger roiled in her veins. Her throat was tight. She did not register the half-glare she sent over her shoulder at him, just his partial jump backwards.

"W_-What_?"

"No, you _don't_ know what it's like!" Namine clarified. The words felt like rocks in her mouth. Her fingers curled tightly around her upper arms, fingernails digging into her skin. She hated the monster that reared up inside her so easily, the monster that was currently rumbling in her gut. All she'd done was raise her voice.

"C'mon, Namine!" There was a frustration in his tone, and that made her look at him again. His hands were balled into fists at his sides. He was pouting. "I get I hardly remember it and it was sort of different circumstances, but in the twenty or so times I had my data or my memories messed with in the other universe, don't _think _I haven't been terrified once of being shoved into that dumb pod again."

"That's not what I meant."

Bitterness was still deep-rooted in her words and her tone, but she refused to raise her voice again. She dropped her gaze for good measure. Tried not to feel the pounding in her head. It was hard. It was so hard.

"Then what did you mean!?"

"I _mean—_I MEAN YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO FIGHT SOMEONE YOU LOVED!"

Namine stood there for a split-second, eyes wide and mouth open, horrified. It was hard to bottle this up, hard to keep doing this when Riku didn't get it—when no one _got it._ She kept screaming. She couldn't stop herself.

"YOU DIDN'T HAVE SOMEONE'S ELSE VOICE AND THOUGHTS PUT INTO YOUR HEAD! YOU DIDN'T HAVE _HATRED _FOR THE PEOPLE YOU _LOVED _CRAMMED INSIDE YOUR SKULL!" Her hands fell from her chest, searching the air in front of her for something to steady herself, but there was nothing there. So she curled them into tight fists instead and pressed them hard to her heart, so hard it hurt. "_YOU! _You didn't! You weren't…." The words caught in sobs. Her eyes were hot with tears.

Riku was silent for a long time.

His expression was dark.

She could feel how heavy his words were before they left his mouth.

"I had to fight _you_."

Namine staggered back as if struck. The air was knocked completely out of her lungs.

She reached behind her for something to steady herself, this time, and in doing so her knuckles scraped the wall of the infirmary. She'd forgotten they were standing so close to it. She pressed her palm against the brick. Took a heaving breath.

He was right.

And she'd _forgotten_.

"I'm- I'm sorry," Riku said, quickly. All severity had left his tone, replaced now with worry. Just worry. His hands reached towards her.

"No, no, you're fine," Namine told him. She put her whole weight against the wall, tears pouring from her eyes. She squeezed them shut. Hooked her left arm around her stomach. She felt like she was going to be sick. How could she forget this, _how could she forget this affected more than just her? _"You're right. I'm sorry. I- I forgot _you… _I- I just try not to think about it. Any of it. But… you and Kairi were there too…" Her voice broke. She felt horrible.

Riku's hand was on her shoulder, now, but she weakly pushed him off, then clutched her stomach again.

"Y… yeah…" Riku agreed. "We were…"

"And- and even if you didn't _want _to fight, not nearly as much as I wanted to kill you, you—OH! _OHHH!_" She made the most horrible sound as she remembered. "I made you promise to _kill me _if they Rewrote me!" she screeched. She had to stick a knuckle into her mouth and bite it to keep herself from screeching anymore, though a terrible whine still tore from her throat. She felt like the most awful person alive.

Riku didn't say anything, and she wasn't looking at him to see if he responded physically. She couldn't look at him! Never mind the fact that she was crying way too hard to see anything anyway.

"I'm so s-_s-sorry!_" she choked. She curled in on herself, bending double, one hand still on the wall, but her head hung low, her hair falling down around her. She was the worst person in all the worlds, the absolute worst.

"Good… good thing Kairi was there, huh…?" Riku whispered, after a long moment. His voice was too quiet for her to hear it crack. "One of us might be dead."

Namine nodded, registering that he'd probably meant it as a joke, but it was a joke that made her feel no better. She dropped to her knees.

"Wh-what are we su-s-supposed to _do_?" she sobbed. The world seemed grey around her, and there was a pit of hopelessness in her gut, because _how was she supposed to deal with this, how was she ever going to feel normal again? _It didn't feel like she ever would. "How- how do we…?"

The words were burning on her tongue, but they were smothered by tears.

_How do we put it behind us? Move on? Stop feeling so horrible?_

"I…" Riku began, and then she heard him sigh.

Then he was kneeling down on the ground with her, and holding her by the shoulders. She had no strength to push him away. And it was… comforting. Namine slowly looked up at him, finding his face through her tears. She was still sniveling. She felt atrocious.

"Maybe… maybe it's not quite the answer you want," Riku said. "But… look at where we are. Where we're living." He turned and gestured in the direction of Aerith's house. You could see the back of it from here. "I have never been this happy in my entire life. I don't have to wake up every day, terrified of what might happen to me, I'm…" He licked his lips, sighing a little, but then he looked at her again. It was an expression she hadn't seen in so long. It was happy, it was loving, and though there was a slight narrow of his eyes, a slight worry for her, he sounded so genuine. Not at all like he was saying this just because she was upset. It felt _so _nice.

"It'll get better," he said. "Alright? Things get better. We'll work through it."

Namine nodded.

She was still crying, but she felt better. She felt better. Not the greatest. Not like every bad feeling in her gut was gone—because that definitely wasn't true—but better, for now. Better. Riku'd been in such a bad spot just months ago, but now he was here, so things definitely _could_ get better.

Just… when would they for her?

"Do… you wanna wait a bit before heading back?" Riku asked her.

Namine nodded.

Riku nodded back at her. He waited until she'd straightened herself out, pushed her hair out of her face and wiped her eyes, then he got up and tugged at her. He did not pull her to her feet after the initial tug. He waited until she was getting up on her own before he did any more tugging to help her up.

"Why don't we walk around this block here, just real quick," he suggested, pointing to his right, away from Aerith's house. "So we aren't just sitting here and doing nothing."

"G… good idea…." she agreed.

And so they went.


	48. In which Kairi brings her dad to HB

**AN/ **Hey, so, I have an AO3 account! I'm also rarmaster on there, of course. I'm mainly mentioning because I've written a lot of Undertale fic in the last month and posted it there so if you like my writing and you like Undertale you should check it out. (Also if you like KH fics and my writing you should check it out, I really only use FFN for ftpverse anymore, haha... sweats...)

Aaaannd now that we're at this chapter, I can finally tell you I updated DIch102 and ASASch57 to clarify certain details concerning the Aerith/Leon dynamic which are brought up Officially in this chapter. Also ASAS chapters 91 and 92 are relevant to this, and if you want even more details you can find them in the chapter commentary that goes with this chapter, on the ftpverse blogspot. COOL! I'll let you read now.

* * *

Kairi let out the breath of air she'd been holding, relieved that they landed in the right spot. Seeing as Aerith had a garden now, there was no more star-sharding right onto right onto her doorstep anymore, lest you miss and land on the garden. They had to aim for right outside the garden, a spot Kairi was less familiar with, hence why she was relieved they made it there okay.

"Shouldn't we have all just come together, instead of meeting Sora and his parents here?" her dad asked, pulling at his ears. They were probably ringing. Kairi hardly noticed that hers did anymore.

"It woulda been real hard getting us anywhere on the same star shard," Kairi answered. She reached up to readjust the ponytail in her hair. Wearing it up meant it couldn't get in her face during star shard travel, but star shard travel made even her ponytails a mess.

"Well, sure," her dad agreed. "But we could've all left at the same time, even if using two of these star shard things. And then we would've been there to help convince Sora's parents this was a good idea."

Kairi scowled, seeing the logic in that. Well, whatever. "It's too late now," she said.

"Is not! We aren't at the door yet."

"At this rate, Sora's already in the middle of convincing his parents," Kairi argued, trotting up to the door just so she could knock on it if her dad argued again. "We'd just interrupt. Now come on. This is Hollow Bastion—" she gestured around them "—and this is Aerith's," she gestured towards the door and the house.

"Chance I can get a tour later? Of the town?" His attention had gone from arguing to looking around him, admiring the change of scenery. That was good.

"Totally," Kairi assured him. Riku'd probably be antsy if he stuck around during the whole conversation, anyway, so she could talk him into it. Or they all could go. Or… her and Sora and their parents. Whatever. The point was that it was within the realm of possibility for sure.

"Alright, well," her dad gestured towards the door, making his way over the garden path to join her. Kairi smiled and knocked.

It was Leon who answered. Not that surprising.

"Hello!" Kairi chimed, waving at him. Leon raised his hand in a partial wave back.

"Uh, hello, I'm Ren, Kairi's dad."

"Nice to meet you," Leon said, with a nod. He stepped away from the door. "Why don't you come inside? We'll do proper introductions once everyone's in the same room." He let Kairi's dad through first, then looked at Kairi. "Sora?" he asked.

"Should be here any minute," Kairi told him. "Unless it takes him forever to talk his parents into this."

Leon raised his eyebrows at her, shutting the door behind her. "Couldn't you have all just come together…?"

"That's what I said!" Ren laughed. Kairi sent a scowl at him. He put up his hands and smiled, while Leon sighed. He slipped past them, waving for them to follow him to the dining room.

Leon slid over to his spot, next to Aerith on her left side, also on the left side of the table. He reached out his hand to Kairi's dad before he sat down. "Anyway… Leon Gainsborough."

Ren nodded and shook his hand. Aerith was on her feet and offering her hand as well before he could re-introduce himself.

"Aerith Gainsborough," she said.

Kairi's eyebrows shot up. "Whoa, hold on," she interrupted, before Cid, from his seat at the end of the table, could stand up to shake hands, too. "Since when were you two related?" She sent a look at Riku, who was sitting on the right side of the table next to Yuffie, wondering why the heck _he _hadn't told her about this. He just shrugged. Either he hadn't known, or he hadn't thought it important either.

"Oh… did we never mention it?" Aerith said, as she sat back down and straightened her skirt. She sent a look at Leon, for his input. He shrugged, folding his arms over his chest.

"We never really needed to…" he mused.

"True," Aerith agreed, with a nod. "We're all family here, and I guess it just never came up that you and I have _always _been…"

Leon sighed. He sat forward in his chair. "Well, to make a long explanation short, since we'll probably have to do this again when Sora gets here—"

"We were both adopted by the same woman," Aerith finished. "So we aren't blood related or anything, but—"

"But what's it matter when we were raised together since birth?"

Kairi slowly nodded, since it was her they were doing the explaining to. Thinking back over the past few months of knowing Aerith and Leon, with this knowledge in mind, she supposed it did make sense. She'd just never thought about it because, like Aerith had said, everyone in this house had already been sort of a family, so she didn't think twice about Aerith and Leon maybe being closer. And, if anything, Leon and Aerith had reminded Kairi of her and Sora—then again, what were she and Sora besides two kids who had known each other since they were in diapers? How was that much different?

"Anyway!" Cid said, raising his voice to get everyone's attention on him. "Weren't we doin' introductions?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry," Kairi said, swallowing the next question she'd wanted to ask Aerith and Leon. It could wait.

"Alrigh', well, I'm Cid. Highwind, since I guess we're doing that last name thing." He looked at Ren from across the table, chewing his tongue for a moment. "Uh, d'you wanna shake my hand, or should we just skip that bit since we're on opposite ends of the table?"

Kairi's dad laughed. "We can skip it."

"You know who I am," Riku said, since he was next in the circle.

Yuffie was the only one left. She was slumped back in her chair, arms over her chest, _pouting. _"Yuffie," she said. She didn't look up. "Just Yuffie."

Aerith sent her a stern—no, _concerned _look, a touch of confusion in it. Yuffie didn't see it, seeing as she still wasn't looking, so whatever Aerith was trying to convey was lost. Kairi's dad either didn't see it, or wanted to change the subject, so he cleared his throat.

"Well, I'm Ren," he said. He clapped his hands together and rubbed them. "Just… Ren is fine. Uh… is Namine supposed to be here?" he asked, squinting around the table.

"She's upstairs," Riku answered, nodding in the direction of the stairway.

"She said she'd skip out on this conversation," Cid added. "Not a problem, we figured."

"Guess not," Kairi agreed. The point of this was, more than anything, have Sora's parents come to a different world and talk to some other _adults _about this darkness and monsters and magic business. Namine sitting out would hardly make a difference.

"You can skip out on it too, Yuffie, if you'd like," Leon said. "Seeing as you don't look happy to be here."

Yuffie let out a long breath, slumping down even _more _in her chair, somehow. "Well, I'm just out here for right now," she grumbled. "Me 'n Riku are gonna do Heartless rounds soon, but, maybe afterwards I'll just… go find something else to do… Not like I'd be of any use if I stuck around anyway…"

"Oh Yuffie, please, I'm sure you'd help out somehow, if you did stay," Aerith told her. "But if you don't want to—"

"Yeah right, I'd only be in the way, 'cause I'm just another stupid kid," Yuffie scoffed. She turned her head away, sinking down even _further_ into her chair. At this rate, her eyes would be level with the table pretty soon.

Kairi raised her eyebrows. Her dad leaned into her, bending a little so that when he whispered she'd be the only one who could hear it.

"This normal?" he asked. "Also are we… in the way?"

Kairi shrugged marginally. "Yuffie's like this sometimes I guess," she answered as quietly as possibly. Hopefully no one noticed. Drawing attention to how they were here and not a part of this household would probably just make things worse. "Complainy and a little grumpy anyway…. I think we're fine though."

"If you're sure…" Her dad straightened again.

"Yuffie, you're almost 18," Leon said. "You're not really a kid anymore." He didn't sound angry, but it was hard to tell with Leon sometimes, Kairi'd always thought. He'd always felt like the kind of guy who didn't let on to the fact he was mad, just to be polite. Kind of like Aerith… _oh._

"Sure, but it's _me _you're sending out on Heartless rounds with Riku," Yuffie argued.

"Well, if you don't want to go, Cid can go instead," Aerith said.

"Hey!" Cid sat up so fast in his chair he nearly displaced it. "I went yesterday!"

"Why not send Namine?" Yuffie asked, with a nod over her shoulder towards the stairs. "She's already not gonna be down here, and it's not like she ever does 'em anyway."

"She doesn't like doing them," Leon argued.

"The rest of us don't exactly enjoy it either," Yuffie countered. "I mean, except Riku, but, he's _Riku._"

"But the rest of us don't _mind _fighting, even we don't enjoy it," Leon said. "Namine doesn't like fighting at all, and if she doesn't want to fight, she doesn't have to."

Something about those words made Kairi grimace, hard. Sora's words from a few nights ago echoed in her ears. _There's something wrong with Namine. _But what did not wanting to fight have anything to do with that?

Regardless, she remembered now: _Short of trying to talk to her more, I don't know how to help. _She'd told Sora that. Or… had Sora told her? She couldn't remember who said it, just that it had been said, and that they'd agreed it was a good idea. And here Kairi was standing here, in the same house as Namine, and she hadn't even taken the time to see her.

"Where'd you say Namine was?" Kairi asked. She wasn't too worried about interrupting Leon and Yuffie. The argument sounded like it was nearly over anyway. "Her room?" She pointed at the stairs.

Everyone at the table nodded, well, minus Yuffie. Concern flashed across Aerith's face. Leon looked like he wanted to say something, though it might have been at Yuffie still. Yuffie was still glaring up a storm.

"Uh… she's not real interested in talking right now, though…" Riku warned. "You might not want to—"

"Aw, c'mon, just two seconds," Kairi said. "All I want to do is say hi! It'd be pretty mean of me if I _didn't, _wouldn't it?" She also felt like she needed to ask Namine something, to talk to her about something, but what specifically she needed to ask was a mystery. Should she just leave it at an '_are you okay? Is something wrong?_' or would that just scare Namine out of talking?

Riku stared hard at her. "I'm not so sure she'd…" he began, but trailed off. There was a slight altering of his features, as he started seriously considering… something. A raise of his eyebrows, a partial nod, as if the idea seemed like a good one. "Well… Yeah, she'd probably be pretty happy to see you. You should definitely say hello."

There was something else burning in his eyes, though. Something Kairi couldn't decipher, which was unfortunate. But it couldn't be helped. There was no time to try and puzzle it out. If she did want to do anything more than say hello to Namine before Sora got here—he should be here literally any second—she was going to have to go now.

After raising her hand in a partial wave to everyone at the table and nudging her dad in a silent sort of _be back in a sec _gesture, Kairi headed for the stairs, taking two at a time.

Namine was, in fact, in her room, sitting on her bed, drawing. Or, she had been, before Kairi let herself in. She looked startled. In hindsight, Kairi realized, seeing as the door had been closed, she probably should've knocked…

"Oh..!" Namine said. "You're here." She hastily closed her sketchbook. "Aren't you, uh… Isn't- Isn't Sora…?"

"He and his parents haven't shown up yet," Kairi explained, guessing that's what Namine was trying to ask. "I figured I should come up here and, yanno, tell you hi and stuff. Be mean if I didn't." The words _I wanted to check on you _bounced in her mind, but she refused to say them. Namine didn't need to know that.

"R-right," Namine said. She nodded. "Hi."

"Good to see you."

"Yeah…"

She seemed really stressed about something. Her eyes refused to settle on Kairi. Kairi chewed her tongue, and wished Sora were here, regardless of that he was supposed to be here about five minutes ago. He would know what to say, right now. He'd probably know what was wrong without even asking.

"Well… how've you been?" Kairi asked, trying to make her voice as smooth as possible, like this was really just a casual question and curiosity, another piece of small talk.

"Good…" Namine answered. She fiddled with the spiral binding of her sketchbook. "I've been okay…" She looked up at Kairi now. "How about you?"

"Good!" Kairi replied. She could not bring herself to say anything different, or to press Namine on what was probably a lie. She would've brought up another subject to talk about, but her mind had gone decidedly blank.

"Uh… I'm not… I mean, won't Sora be here soon?" Namine asked. "Shouldn't you…?"

Kairi slowly nodded. It was pretty important to the plan that she be there when Sora's parents arrived, so that they had a familiar face to latch onto. And Riku'd been right: Namine really didn't seem to be in the mood to talk. Maybe she'd try again later.

"Yeah, I probably should," Kairi agreed. "I'll try and catch you when we're done. Okay? Oh! Right, my dad wanted a tour of the town later. You wanna come when we go?"

"Uh…" Namine blinked at her a few times. "I- I guess… yeah," she said.

Kairi beamed. That made her feel a little better. "Okay! Then! I'll come get you for that," she said. She reached for the doorknob. She was still kind of standing in the doorway. "See ya in a bit!" she called, then stepped out and closed the door behind her.

She stood there a second, turning the conversation over in her head, wondering if there'd been a clue that she'd missed, a clue as to why Namine seemed so… uneasy. She couldn't seem to find one, though. Sighing, she headed back down the stairs.

"That was fast," Riku said, looking up at her in surprise.

No one had moved much from where she'd left them, though Yuffie looked a lot less upset and her dad had taken the empty seat to Yuffie's left, at the corner of the table.

"I said I only wanted to say hi, didn't I?" Kairi replied.

Riku scowled at her.

Whatever he'd been trying to tell her before seemed to hang between them. Had he assumed she'd understood? She hoped not.

"How… is she?" Riku asked.

"Not feeling well, like you said."

"She sick?" Kairi's dad asked, sending a worried look at Kairi.

Kairi shrugged and shook her head. "I don't think so…?" She looked to Riku.

He grimaced, much like he really wanted to say something. Not for the first time, Kairi wished she knew him as well as she knew Sora, so that she could understand what he was thinking just by how his mouth twitched. All she got from this was the impression he knew the answer but didn't want to say it. He was lucky they were surrounded by other people and that Sora was still supposed to arrive any second, or she would've tried squeezing it out of him. She'd have to do it later.

"Anyway, shouldn't Sora be here by now?" Leon asked. There was a note of worry in his tone. "He wasn't supposed to take that long, was he?"

"Well, unfortunately, convincing his parents could take… a while…." Kairi said, with an aggressive shrug. Her dad nodded to back her up. "I guess I'll give him ten more minutes, then go get all of them if I have to."

Leon nodded. Aerith got to her feet. "Do you know if they like tea?" she asked, moving for the kitchen.

"They both'll _drink_ tea," Kairi assured her, as she sat down in the chair next to Riku, for now.

"Then I suppose now's a good time to start making a batch of it," Aerith said. "Having some might make the discussion go a little smoother…"

Kairi nodded absentmindedly, though Aerith could not see her at this point, and she hadn't really needed to.

Ten minutes, she'd give Sora. Ten minutes.

**xxx**

Sora stood in the front room, his back to the stairs, star shard clutched in both hands, hanging at his waist. He was not trying to hide it, but he was not trying to make a show of it either. He eyed where his mother sat in her corner, sewing, and where his dad was in the kitchen, contemplating lunch from the looks of it, though there was at least an hour to go until lunch time. He took a deep breath, trying to figure out what to say.

He couldn't remember the last time he'd started a serious conversation with his parents, couldn't remember the last time he'd asked for their attention because he had big news. It'd been at least six months. Maybe it'd been nine. Maybe it'd been longer? This past year felt like an eternity, anything that happened before Riku'd arrived like it'd happened forever ago. Regardless. Lately he'd said something unimportant first, like _how was your day,_ and then they'd started asking questions, and…

Sora swallowed hard.

_What do I say? _he asked Kano, even though, Kano wouldn't have any sort of a better idea than him.

'_Didn't you spend all night rehearsing?' _was Kano's lazy reply. There was a hint of laughter in his voice, but only a hint—he felt Sora's nervousness just as strongly as Sora did.

_I don't remember anything I thought about saying, _Sora said.

Kano sighed.

'_You were gonna phrase it something like "hey I have proof" or whatever? Something about bringing up how this was real proof they couldn't, like, deny, or….'_

_ Oh yeah! _Sora nodded, a little, just a little. He was getting better at hiding his physical responses to what Kano said. _Thanks! I don't know what I'd do without you. _He was a little surprised that Kano remembered when he did not, but, extremely grateful regardless. He cleared his throat.

"Hey, uh…" he said, looking between his parents. He was standing in a spot where they both could see him well enough. His dad turned to him, letting the fridge close. His mom only glanced up a second, to show she was listening, before returning her attention to her sewing. Sora cleared his throat again. There was a knot in his stomach.

Kano started to say something inside him, quite a few things, but none of them became words. The intention was clear enough, though—he was trying to figure out how to tell Sora to not worry or that it'd be okay, but in a way that would sound casual, or at least not come off in an I-Legitimately-Want-Sora-To-Feel-Okay-Because-I-Really-Care-About-Him way. It was a warmth in Sora's chest, and it made him smile. He took a careful breath.

"Alright, well, you know how I spent six months on another world?" he said, to his parents, watching his mom more than his dad. "I thought I'd take you to one, to prove, that, they exist." He held out the star shard, now. "This is a star shard. You've seen me use it before, probably? It can take me wherever I want it to."

His mom looked up to see it, squinting over her reading glasses. Sora didn't blame her for squinting. Star shards seemed to catch light and reflect it in ways that made them hard to look at for long. His dad, meanwhile, leaned against the island counter, towards Sora, a humoring smile on his lips.

"I thought I already told you I believed you about them," he said, with a casual laugh that should've made Sora smile. All it did was make Sora's chest tighten. It'd been like this since the incident on the docks. A few days now. "Or, other lands, or… whatever." He sent a firm gaze past Sora to his mother. "Our ships go _somewhere, _Akemi," he said, before she can argue.

Sora's mother sighed, a long sigh. She pulled her reading glasses away from her face and rubbed her head. "Sora, please," she said. She sounded tired. "We already believe you weren't on this island. Can we not spend our day—"

"There are some _really _cool places to see!" Sora protested.

'_You aren't taking them to any of those, though,' _Kano reminded him, back to his usual snark.

_Oh, shut up._

"Besides," Sora continued, with only the slightest pause for Kano. "You still don't believe me about the magic and darkness stuff." His father eyed him in a way that Sora knew meant he was eyeing the scar, and not him. Had there not been a star shard in his hands, he would've reached up to scratch it. His mother frowned at him.

"Are you saying you're going to show us some of _that?" _she asked, incredulous.

Sora suppressed a groan and managed to only half-roll his eyes. (That had nothing to do with Kano, and everything with his mother thinking it was rude.) "No!" he said. "I was gonna have you meet with some friends of mine who might be able to explain it better than me, because they've been dealing with it for longer."

"Isn't, uh, dealing with darkness bad….?" his dad asked. Sora really groaned this time. At least his dad was trying.

"I mean, like! Fighting it and stuff."

'_You could probably find some Heartless in Hollow Bastion,' _Kano said. '_A small amount that you could handle alone and then—'_

_ No, Kano, I'm not putting them in danger! _Sora interrupted, firmly. This was not the first time he'd had to tell Kano this. Of course, Kano had a point, but…

'_If it's just five Heartless…'_

_ Kano!_

_ 'How can they deny it when they see Heartless and you fighting them?' _Kano argued.

Sora licked his lips, wishing he wasn't considering it as seriously as he was. It would be easy, just a walk around town would make them run into a few. Maybe if he landed even further away from Aerith's house, on "accident" so they had to walk… He ground his teeth together. Sent an internal scowl at Kano.

_…if all else fails, _Sora agreed.

He pretended that his dad wasn't scowling at him after that slightly-long pause. Pretended that he didn't see the way his father studied him like he was the last question on the Sunday morning crossword puzzle.

"So, uh, are we…" Sora cleared his throat. "Are we going?"

"I wish you'd given us a little more warning…." His mother told him, finishing a stitch in her sewing, and then sticking the needle in the fabric to set aside. "But, I supposed you planned this, didn't you?"

"Uh… yes?" Sora answered, not sure if she was talking about the meeting, or the not-telling-her-about-it-until-the-last-minute part. Not telling her and his dad until the last minute was more so that they couldn't shoot the idea down a day before the plan was in motion than anything else. That and so the spell wouldn't make them forget or change their minds overnight or something. He hadn't done it… _maliciously, _which is almost what his mother's tone implied.

His mother sighed again, setting her glasses aside now. "Well, if we have a scheduled meeting," she said, with a wave of her hand. "Then we don't want to keep them waiting."

Sora stared.

"You… agreed to that really quickly?" he said.

His mother pushed herself out of her chair. "No reason to be rude."

"I'd just go with it, son," his dad said, in a not-so-quiet voice.

Sora nodded absently.

'_I'm worried….' _Kano mumbled.

_Me too?_

"Well, alright, so- uh," Sora cleared his throat. Waved his father over. "We should all probably link arms, so on the off chance the transportation gets messed up we'll at least end up on the same world together." After a second of consideration, he added: "And, try and think about me, I guess. I think that might help prevent you getting separated from me if the transportation gets _really _botched…"

His parents exchanged glances.

"What are the chances of that happening?" his mom asked.

"Oh! Slim!" Sora assured them. "The worst that's most likely to happen is it takes us to the wrong world. Star shards are finicky sometimes. We shouldn't actually get separated—these are just precautions." He linked arms with his mom, then his dad, and then figuring it wouldn't hurt them to know, continued: "Plus, I mean, we all have to be touching for it to work to begin with."

He smiled at them, glad to see they only looked a little nervous. (A satisfaction of Kano's that they were nervous at all beat in the back of him, but he ignored that.) He held his star shard out in the middle of them, largely just for show.

"Ready?" he asked.

He activated it.

Or…

He thought he did.

Sora looked down at the star shard, as if staring at it could tell him what went wrong. "Uh… huh," he mused. Then he clucked his tongue.

'_Didn't work,' _Kano said.

_Nooo duh._

_ 'Was it that spell?'_

_ Kano, please, let me think!_

His parents waited, not saying anything, maybe not sure that something had gone wrong yet. Sora took a deep breath and tried again, imagining Aerith's living room as vividly as possible this time, wondering if it hadn't worked because he did not have a very clear image of what the front of her house looked like now that it had a garden. He thought firmly of Aerith and Leon, of Yuffie and Cid, of Riku and Namine. He thought of all that and wished, _hard._

But still…

Nothing.

He stared at it in disbelief.

"It… broke?" he said.

"You didn't say anything, or, like, do anything with it, though," his dad said.

"I shouldn't have to!" Sora snapped. "All I need to do is think of a place and wish to be there, and then it does the rest." He let out a frustrated breath, irritated it wasn't working, irritated he'd spoken so sharply. "Hang on, let me try and…" He envisioned the play island this time, to see if the problem was Hollow Bastion.

And yet, still… nothing. Absolutely nothing.

"Okay!" Sora pulled away from his parents, tossed his hands up in the air. "That's great!" His voice was tight. "Let me just! Call Kairi!" He shoved the apparently broken star shard into his back pocket and moved to the kitchen, where his phone was. Kairi's number was dialed in two seconds. Unfortunately, the line did nothing but ring, and ring… _Hey, this is Ren, Mayor of—_Sora hung up before the full voice mail message could play out. Kairi must've left already.

His parents watched him worriedly, their arms still linked. Sora tried to take slower breaths, so that they would not see how panicked he was. "I'll call Aerith," he said. Then he remembered he didn't have her number. He bit his lip hard so that he couldn't scream in frustration, though a strangled _hmmmmgg _still left his mouth.

'_Just go to Kairi's house and get the phone number from there,' _Kano suggested, surprisingly calm. There was a note of discomfort that rang within him, though. '_Or, I mean, I could always have my wolf—'_

_ Kano please not your wolf!_

_ 'If you're desperate,' _Kano argued.

_I'll run to Kairi's before I have it come here and take my parents to another world! _Sora tried not to think to firmly about how that could backfire, considering Kano could easily tell the wolf to take them who knows where, or the wolf could decide to itself. Kano'd catch that thought, of course—he probably already had—and it was, rude, to think like that, so Sora pushed it out of his mind. _Besides, your wolf can only take one person at a time!_

_ 'It could take us to Hollow Bastion to get a star shard or help from someone over there, though.'_

Sora frowned. _...fair, _he admitted, though. _But I'm going to Kairi's first._

He was already moving to the door—he'd started moving for it the moment Kano suggested going to Kairi's. His hand was on the doorknob by the time his conversation with Kano was done and he was explaining what he was doing to his parents. "I'm gonna run to Kairi's real quick!" He tried to sound as chipper as possible, like this wasn't a huge problem. "She has Aerith's phone number, and I really need to call someone and—"

"Hang on, Sora, just a second," his dad said, interrupting him.

Sora paused, and turned, making it look as casual as possible, though his hand did not leave the doorknob. His parents had unlinked their arms, and now shared a similar expression of stern worry. The look they gave him right before a lecture. Sora gripped the doorknob tightly. His stomach clutched.

"Can we… talk about the other day…?" Sora's dad asked, slowly.

Sora took a slow breath, dreading—but knowing—where this was going. "Whaaat about the other day?"

"I mean, about…" His dad did not want to look at him. "About… Kano?"

Sora swallowed hard.

He tried not to act like the air had just caught in his lungs.

"Wh-who?" he asked. He felt his pulse quicken, but he managed to keep a straight face—a feat that surprised him, impressed him. This was Kairi's strength. Not his. And it certainly wasn't Kano's.

'_Sora, you don't have to,' _Kano began. Sora could just picture his wide eyes.

Internally, he sighed.

Out of resignation. As a sort of way to reassure Kano this was alright, this was his choice. That he even had to do this.

_Easier this way, _he said to Kano.

Of course, eventually, he'd have to tell his parents about Kano. But until they could believe him about Maleficent, or about Xehanort, he wasn't even going to try. There was no point. And the chances of getting this meeting done today seemed to be slipping out of his fingers. He hated it, but he hardened himself. It couldn't be helped.

"Someone you were talking to the other day," his dad continued.

"What other day?" Sora said. "I don't know anyone named Kano."

"Sora, please, don't lie to us," his mother warned.

"You were yelling at thin air on the docks the other day, and you were yelling at someone named Kano!" His dad's voice got a little louder, and Sora tried not to flinch. He hated when his dad raised his voice, because he did it so little, and when he did it was like a knife to the heart.

It hurt to do this.

Sora felt like he couldn't breathe at all.

But he continued.

"I have literally no idea what you're talking about."

'_Sora, seriously! You don't have to do this!'_

Kano sounded touched, but guilt burned hard in him. Sora tried to assure him that it wasn't his fault, it really wasn't, but his energy was spent. He could hardly formulate answers to the inevitable questions his parents would ask, and it was such an effort to not outwardly display the heaviness that weighed on him now. He managed. He managed, but his muscles felt like they were burning.

"Sora…" his dad said. His voice was thick with disappointment. It was all Sora could do not to cry.

"I don't remember that happening," Sora said very firmly, channeling Kairi with all his might. The trick was to act it more than say it. All he succeeded in was making himself frustrated, and it doubtlessly carried into his tone. At least he wasn't crying. "Alright? Now, anyway, I think I'll just, cancel that meeting. We'll try again next Sunday. How does that sound? Now I've warned you about it."

He opened the door.

'_Sora, c'mon!' _Kano pleaded._ 'We needed to do this today so you don't have to lie about training tomorrow!'_

The bitterness and tears he couldn't show all channeled into his internal voice.

_Who cares, _he said.

'_YOU do!'_

Sora didn't answer Kano, though the pit in his gut knew Kano was right.

"Sora, where are you going?" his mother demanded. She was right to. He was already out the door.

"For a swim!"

He slammed the door behind him.


	49. In which Kairi makes a mistake

**AN/ **I could bore you with apologies as to why this is late but, oops. Just, oops. Kind of expect it from now on. I'm playing Undertale and writing Undertale fic while also juggling life and self-studying Japanese and Spanish and it's... Uploading chapters / shelling out an hour to upload them and write a blog is harder lately.

OH IN OTHER NEWS, WE GOT KH NEWS ON MONDAY, AND KAIRI? IS THERE? AND REAL? Lmao reportedly a part of the Aqua/0.2 segment of KH2.8 is going to be Yen Sid telling Kairi and Riku about the 7 Guardians of Light dealio and whooo ooooo boy, Kairi is there, she is real, this is real, Kairi4KH3 is happening. (OR, more likely to, anyway. I'm still kinda shaky from the news.)

If you want to keep track of kh news through me then check out the "kh news" tag on my tumblr, and you can see me screaming about Kairi in the "Kairi4KH3" and "kh bloggin" tags. Yo.

That's enough blabbing, enjoy this chapter... _and EVEN MORE Kairi!_

* * *

Kairi sighed for probably the fiftieth time in the past ten minutes, glaring at the clock. She uncrossed and re-crossed her legs. Tried to pay attention to the conversation her dad and Cid were having, but seeing as the conversation itself had been dwindling for the last twenty minutes, that was hard too. She sighed again—that would make fifty-one—and then pushed herself away from the table and got to her feet.

"Alright, it's been an hour," she said. An hour in which Yuffie and Riku had gone on and returned from rounds, and in which she'd actually talked to Namine for a decent amount of time. "Sora's not here, so something must be up." Something was probably up thirty minutes ago, but, well, her fault for getting up sooner. "I'm gonna check on him. Dad?" She touched him on the shoulder. "You mind staying here?"

"Nah!" he replied easily, flashing a comfortable smile up at her. "I mean, if that's okay." He looked to the kitchen for Aerith, though he found Leon first—the two of them were working on dishes. Leon nodded, and Aerith called out that it was fine with her.

"Cool," Kairi said, digging her star shard out of her pocket. She hardly took the time to step away from the table, and her father, before activating it.

She started to get mad at the sight of the play island as it dropped her, but then she saw Sora out in the ocean. He was swimming—or rather, letting himself get pushed around by the waves close to the shore, something Kairi knew to be one of the easiest ways to get your mind off, well, anything. Between the feel of water crashing around you and having to focus on keeping yourself upright even when your feet could touch the ground didn't exactly leave room to think about much else.

Instead of cursing, Kairi muttered a quick thank you to her star shard, then shoved it in her pocket so her hands were free.

"SORA!" she called, cupping her hands around her mouth.

He didn't appear to hear her.

Kairi squinted out at him, _really _not wanting to dive into the ocean to drag him back to shore herself. Even if something had gone wrong with Sora's parents (something had to have, or he would not be here), she still had to go back to Hollow Bastion, even if just to get her dad. Sighing, she cupped her hands around her mouth again.

"_SORA!" _she called, louder this time.

This time he heard.

Kairi dropped her hands to her side, and then after a second, crossed them over her chest and scowled hard. "Okay, what the hell happened?" she demanded, as Sora trudged out of the water and onto the sand. Having been stood up for an hour hadn't done the best thing to mood, and the anger radiating off Sora in waves wasn't helping.

"Star shard broke," Sora answered. He slicked his bangs back out of his face—his shirt clung tightly to his skin, and his shorts sagged with the weight of the water they'd absorbed. He wasn't wearing his jacket, but Kairi hardly cared where that had gone. Her scowl softened a little bit, though.

"Oh, okay," she said. That explained a lot. But it didn't make her feel much better.

Sora still seemed angry, and she wasn't sure if the vagueness of his eyes was because he just got out of the ocean, or if it was… something else. She didn't like the feeling in her gut though, nor the itchiness of her skin.

"Do you wanna use mine?" she asked. "It's not exactly too late." No one at Hollow Bastion had started making other plans, anyway.

"It's fine," Sora said.

Kairi scrunched up her face. "Sora, c'mon, we planned this for a reason, and you start training tomorrow. You gonna lie to your parents about—"

"I'm not in the mood right now, Kairi!" Sora snapped.

Kairi jumped a little, startled, but that quickly became anger.

"Not in the _mood!? _Sora, this is kind of important!"

"Just leave me alone, alright! I don't want to listen to either of you right now!"

"Either of us!?" Kairi squinted hard at him, face scrunched up in confusion. Then she realized what he was going on about, and rolled her eyes, _hard. _"What's Kano doing to bug you?"

Sora let out a frustrated breath. "Nothing, Kairi. Forget it."

"Sora."

"I said _forget it._"

Kairi growled.

"Oh, is he telling you how glad he is he doesn't have to deal with your parents right now?" She guessed, voice rising. Anger burned in her veins. "Rubbing it in your face that this backfired? Laughing at your—"

"Actually, Kairi, he's been telling me to get my head outta the ocean before I accidentally drown myself—like that could happen—and I don't want to hear it! I don't want to hear you!" He gestured angrily back at the ocean. "I just! want to swim!"

Kairi stared at him a long moment, as he lowered his hands, fists clenched tightly. His eyes burned just short of tears. Kairi wondered if she should try and press the issue, wondering if it was worth it. She couldn't say for sure, and before she had it figured out, he'd already moved back to the ocean. He was close enough for her to grab and pull back, but…

She decided to let him go.

After a long sigh and a quick rub of her temples, Kairi pulled her star shard back out of her pocket and activated it. Time to go back to Hollow Bastion and tell everyone the news.

Kairi star-sharded right back into Aerith's living room this time, not wanting to mess with the door and landing outside the garden and everything. Riku'd come back downstairs, and Yuffie was helping Aerith hand drinks to everyone. Her dad had also, somehow, gotten a sandwich in the two minutes she'd been gone?

"Oh, hey, what's the news!" Ren asked, as he saw her.

"His star shard broke," Kairi explained, as she moved into the dining room. Everyone slowly started taking seats—the same ones they'd all been in when she first got here. "And he's not in the mood to deal with this anymore, I guess?" She shrugged and shook her head, exasperated. "Do I have permission to drag his parents over here, potentially against their will?"

Her father glared at. "_No."_

"C'mon, we didn't plan this for nothing!" Kairi said. If anything, she was just making a fuss so she could hear someone agree with her. Being on ends with Sora _really_ wasn't good for her.

"We planned this to help Sora," Leon told her. "And if he doesn't want to do it anymore, then he doesn't want to."

Kairi raised her eyebrows, considering each of their faces. "So, what? Are you telling me that _none _of you think talking to parents without him around—and more importantly, without _Kano_ around—is a good idea?"

Silence. Odd, considering that'd been a pretty decent joke, and decent point. Even if they didn't think it was funny, or they didn't agree, shouldn't that have been greeted with more than—

"Who th' hell is Kano?" Cid asked.

The blood drained from Kairi's face.

_Oh yeah._

Kairi braced herself against the table, though that was all she did. Any more, and she wouldn't be able to blow this off as nothing. How had she been so dumb to forget, even if for a moment, that they didn't know about Kano? And she'd promised to keep this a secret, too! She gritted her teeth, and ran over a million separate curses in her head.

What was she supposed to say now?

"He's Sora's Shadow," Riku said. Kairi's head whipped around to him. What was he doing! "Not dead, still alive," Riku continued. "Sitting in Sora's heart, or, something like that? I wasn't listening to all of the details." He waved his hand dismissively, lounging back in his chair, like this was no big deal.

It was definitely a big deal.

"Riku! What the hell! Sora didn't want us telling anyone!" Kairi put both hands on the table, leaning towards Riku. Her dad just pushed his chair backwards and away from the table to give her her space. Riku flinched a little at the raise of her voice—that made Kairi bite her tongue, and she resolved to, at least, not shout whatever the next thing she said was.

"So?" Riku asked. Despite his half-second flinch, his _what's-it-matter_ attitude remained plastered on his face. "More than half of us in this room already know! What's Leon or Cid or Yuffie gonna do about it?"

All three of them looked about ready to say something—actually, Aerith did too—but Kairi didn't quite give them the chance.

"Well! Sora wanted to explain it so that he could also explain how Kano's, not, y'now… _bad, _anymore, or whatever." All confidence in her voice was lost as she remembered her own griefs with Kano. Did she really think he was going to hurt Sora? No, probably not, or he would've by now (he'd never seemed the patient type to her), but that didn't change what he'd done in the _past…_

"Is he really?" Cid asked, with a look of raised eyebrows and disbelief. He swirled his mug of... coffee. Kairi could smell it from here. "'Not bad anymore, or whatever'?" he quoted.

Kairi did not have to look at her father to see the way his face darkened in Cid's direction. She raised her hand partway from the table to, well, keep him from saying anything. Cid meant well enough, and this was as much her fault for not explaining so well.

"I- I mean," Kairi began.

"Sora says his Shadow's changed," Aerith offered. "And, I trust Sora."

"Yeah, but, _Shadows…" _Leon said, though he trailed off. Whatever he'd meant to end that sentence with seemed clear to Aerith and Cid and Yuffie, because they all nodded slightly, or made a face.

"Well, Kano's… _he's—_" Kairi tried. She racked her brain for anything good to say, or anything Sora would say. All that came to mind were adamant insistences that Kano had changed, that he was _different_, but, neither of those things would sound quite the same coming from her mouth.

"Maybe you should go get Sora, so he can explain," Aerith said. "I know he doesn't want to bother getting his parents, at this point, but he doesn't need to…"

"Yeah," Kairi agreed, reaching for her star shard again.

Her dad caught her by the arm. "Hang on, princess. I hate to embarrass you in front of your friends—" his tone said that he did not, really, "—but you _hate_ Kano. Why are you trying to defend him?"

"Sora would want me to—"

"_Kairi."_

Kairi's eyes darted around the room. Aerith looked sorry for her. Leon, skeptical, and Cid much the same. Riku didn't seem interested. Yuffie was scowling, hard. Kairi figured it wasn't at her, but, at her own thoughts. Hopefully.

"I don't hate Kano," she told her dad, though she did not look him in the eye. Her palms felt clammy.

"You certainly don't seem fond of him."

"Well, no, but that's not important! Can we _please _not do this now?"

"Not important?" Ren laughed in disbelief. Kairi didn't like the look in his eyes—that was the look he got before he told her something she didn't want to hear. She hated it any other time, but now, she was scared. If he had something to say about _this _that she didn't want to hear… She tried not to squirm. "Yeah, right! Because if I'm worried about _anything_ when it comes to there being a voice in Sora's head, it's that my daughter seems to hate it."

"I don't hate him," Kairi protested again, though she was sure her dad saw right through it. Hate wasn't the right word, of course, she didn't _hate_ him, but she certainly didn't— "Dad, _really, _can we not do this right now?"

"I'm just worried about Sora," he said. He squeezed her arm a little—it was supposed to be comforting. "If all it is is 'just magic', then, fine. But I'm not comfortable with the fact that no one in this room is excited to hear about Kano, or any of this talk about Shadows."

"They aren't exactly trustworthy creatures…" Leon admitted.

"He was _mean,_" Yuffie added.

Kairi glared at the both of them. It was hard when they were on opposite sides of the table, but she managed.

"And what was that other bit?" Ren asked. "Something you said the other night about, oh yeah, Kano apparently has the ability to manipulate Sora's thoughts?" He looked to the rest of the table, for his answers. "Can he?"

"It… _is _something Shadows are known for," Aerith admitted, slowly.

"Try _defining trait," _Cid said.

Kairi grit her teeth hard. There was a pit in her gut. "That's! I- I mean—" It was no use, though. "He said he wouldn't…" she mumbled.

Her dad looked very firmly at her.

"Do you believe him?"

"I…"

Kairi chewed her lip. What was she supposed to say? She wanted a reason to be mad at Kano, and this was it, even though there were no lies on his face when he protested. Even though she knew how horrible it would be if she _was _right, and Kano _was _manipulating Sora. It would be horrible if that was true. And, she still wanted it. She wanted a reason to hate him.

But, she couldn't sabotage Sora's trust, either.

A part of her wished Riku knew more about all this, so he could help her out—but then again, seeing how free he'd been with the information of Kano's existence, maybe not.

"It didn't… sound like he was lying," Kairi answered her dad.

He just studied her, and, she didn't blame him for it. Her stomach was roiling. She regretted every word that'd come out of her mouth in the past ten minutes.

"Look! Fine!" Kairi shouted, heart racing. "You wanna know why I'm mad at Kano?"

Anything to change the subject, honestly. She wasn't fond of this one. Everyone glared at her—or kind of glared at her—but she kept going.

"It's because he let me think we were friends," she said. "And, I'm not even sure if he really wanted to be friends for, some odd reason, or- or of he was just doing it to get closer to Sora. And, I admit! I was an idiot for never asking who or what he really was!" She did not mention the fact she couldn't even see him, to begin with, not wanting to make a _complete _fool of herself. "I just! He let me think we were friends, and he was pretty convincing, but it was probably just an act, and that _hurts. _Never mind that, if we were really friends, he would've just _told me _he was going to throw the battle with Sora, he would have _told _me, except he didn't, because he thought I'd _care _about the fact he lov—"

She stopped short.

Horror flooded her face.

Her stomach bottomed out.

(That was nearly two secrets she'd promised to keep, spilled.)

"N-nothing," Kairi said, quickly. She felt like she was going to be sick. "It's nothing." But, looking at their faces, the damage was already done. It took a lot of self-control not to wipe at the tears bubbling in her eyes, or press a hand to her mouth, or anything at all, because that would just give her away.

"That he what?" Riku asked. There was an awful, _knowing _grin on his face, and had there not been two people between them, Kairi would've punched him square in the jaw.

"_Nothing," _Kairi repeated. Since she couldn't punch him, she glared daggers at him instead. It was his fault she was in this mess, to begin with, and he wasn't making it any better now! She was definitely glad he hadn't known in advance about… _this._

"That didn't _sound _like nothing," her father said.

Kairi sent only a glance at him. "Well, whatever! It's a secret I'm taking to my grave if Sora insists," she told him. The tears in her eyes burned harder. She couldn't even _believe _herself right now.

Leon started to say something, but Aerith put a hand on his arm to stop him. He sent her a look, gently pushed her hand off, and slowly, she nodded. He cleared his throat.

"Backing up…" Leon said. His eyes were narrowed, and he looked… uncomfortable about something? "Did you just say… he lost his last battle with Sora _on purpose_?"

Kairi blinked. There was still a knot in her belly, but she answered in the smoothest voice possible: "Uh, yeah, something like that happened."

"Sora never mentioned…" Leon said. His face scrunched up a little more.

"Sora probably didn't want me to tell you," Kairi said.

That was another point in the score towards being the Worst Friend Ever.

"Well, I think it changes how we feel abou' him, for sure," Cid said. "Or, at leas' a lil bit. Maybe."

"He was really mean to all of us, though!" Yuffie protested. She looked pleadingly at Aerith, leaning a little across the table towards her. "You can't _really _tell me you don't remember, Aerith! Leon…?"

"Sora says he's changed," Aerith repeated. "And I trust him. Besides, I…" She folded her hands together and rested them on the table before her. "I had the slight chance to interact with him, and he did seem… _different. _More…" She considered her words. "More _scared, _than malicious."

"I thought Shadows couldn't _get _scared," Cid argued.

Aerith shrugged. "I just know what I saw."

"Why'd he want to lose the battle with Sora?" Leon asked, rubbing his finger along the bridge of his nose as he thought. He did not _specifically _direct the question at Kairi, but, it was obvious he was asking her. "Or… is that the part you can't tell us?"

Kairi hugged herself tightly. Technically, no, Sora wouldn't be happy her if she said this—or, Kano wouldn't, and Sora'd be mad because Kano was—_but._ At least it would throw them off the _love _trail.

"Well, okay, Sora's probably gonna hate me for saying this, but I guess it's better he does for this than for ruining how this conversation was supposed to go," she said. That was something else to get them off the _love _trail. "Kano- Kano said he didn't want to be a Shadow anymore. He was tired of doing it."

There was a second of stunned silence.

And then Cid laughed.

"Bullshit!" he called.

Aerith glared death at him. "_Cid!" _she scolded.

He slammed one hand against the table, and gestured with his other while he spoke. "No no, look, I don't care, that's _bullshit._ How can a creature like him _possibly _get tired of the only thing they exist to do? Sephiroth wouldn't've!"

"He's not Sephiroth, though," Leon said, calmly.

"So? He's a Shadow, ain't he? They're all the same!"

"Not… necessarily…" Aerith tried.

"Do you really think so?"

Aerith shrugged. She seemed at a loss. "All I know is what I saw, and he didn't seem—"

"He coulda tricked yeh!" Cid argued, wagging his finger at her. "Coulda tricked Sora, too, righ' Kairi?"

Kairi swallowed around the lump in her throat. She'd never felt so tense on the spot before. "I- I don't know!" she said. It was almost habit to say _yes,_ but, she couldn't do that to Sora! "Look, I'm—this is wrong! This is all wrong! Sora was supposed be here!"

"Then why don't you go get him?" her dad suggested.

"He's gonna be so mad at me…" Kairi moaned, though she pulled out her star shard anyway.

"I'll go," Riku offered, before Kairi could even activate the star shard. Everyone looked at him, and he shrugged. "I mean, this is kind of my fault to begin with," he explained. And then, before anyone could say anything to him, or protest, or anything, he stood up and formed a dark corridor around himself.

Aerith jumped to her feet once she realized what he was doing. "Riku, don't!" left her lips, but it was too late. He was gone. She groaned. "Ohh, he's just going to make it worse!"

"They're going to have it fixed soon, Aerith," Leon told her.

"At the rate he's acting, it won't matter if Even has a way to fix it tomorrow!"

"F-fix _what?" _Ren asked. Kairi felt a little bad for him, for not understanding—because she hadn't dared tell him about _this_—but it was hard to compete with the sudden pit in her stomach. Riku… He was…

_No. _Kairi shook that thought out of her head and activated her star shard. She was glad to be getting out of there, away from _that _and away from Cid's probably continuing arguments about Kano, even if now she had to explain things to Sora.


	50. In which I think that made it worse

**AN/ **Enjoy this chapter of ATR, because I'm super proud of it! It's been a while since we were last in Riku's POV... a real long while...

* * *

Riku stepped out of his dark corridor and staggered, his weight shifting the sand beneath and sending him even closer to toppling over. He managed to catch himself, grateful for once for Real Thing's muscle memory when it came to beaches and sand that did not always firmly support your feet. He squeezed his eyes shut and waited until his head stopped spinning. Then he opened his eyes experimentally. There were still dots in his vision, and the harsh sunlight—it was almost midday—didn't help. He made himself straighten, though. He had to.

How long did Even say? It was another three weeks, and then he'd probably be—

_Using dark corridors isn't doing you any favors, _he reminded himself, sharply. Then, irritated at himself in general, he added: _But I don't have another way to get around, and Aerith forgot to get me that star shard! It won't…_

'Kill me,' he nearly finished, but that was…

Riku shook his head. He was here for Sora. To talk to Sora, to tell them what had happened at Hollow Bastion, to drag him over there to explain things about his Shadow—or, Kano. Whatever. He looked around him, wondering where Sora was, anyway. He'd corridored roughly _to Sora, _and not a specific—oh! There.

Sora was wading out of the ocean, squinting at Riku. He raised his hand in a half wave when he saw Riku looking at him. They were on the play island. A few seconds later, and Sora was standing next to Riku, dripping wet, looking… tired. Riku didn't think it was because he'd been swimming.

"Uh, fancy seeing you here," Sora said. His tone was pleasant enough, but he studied Riku in a way that made Riku shift a little uncomfortably. Suspicion was deep in Sora's eyes. "You aren't here to talk me into dragging my parents over to Hollow Bastion, are you?"

Riku shook his head. "Nope, not for that," he assured Sora. "I'm here for, uh—"

There was an explosion of light to the left of them—Riku's left, anyway, with the ocean on his right—and then Kairi dropped out of the sky. She took only a second to shake herself out from the landing.

"Sora I'm so sorry!" she belted.

Riku raised his eyebrows at her.

"Uh, Kairi, it was totally my fault."

Sora looked between the two of them, confusion and worry growing on his face.

Kairi turned to Riku.

"But I said his name in the first place!"

Riku shrugged and shoved his hands in his pockets.

"And I decided to be a jerk and explain it further to everyone, and, you're right, Sora didn't want us doing that."

Kairi gaped. She seemed completely stunned. "Uhhh, who are you and what have you done with Riku?"

"Geeze, Kairi!" Riku laughed. Sora still watched the two of them, worry growing stronger with each second. "You can't recognize one of your best friends?"

"You're _preemptively _apologizing!"

"UH, HELLO, I'M STANDING RIGHT HERE STILL?" Sora broke in. "What _happened_!?"

Kairi and Riku both looked at him, then at each other. Riku grimaced. Kairi seemed to be wanting to ask him if she should tell Sora, or if he wanted to at this point. Riku shrugged a little. He didn't think it mattered.

Kairi sighed, then turned to Sora again. "We told everyone in Hollow Bastion about Kano," she said.

"Still mainly my fault," Riku sang.

"Yeah, but I still should've gotten Sora sooner!" Kairi argued. "I let it drag on long enough without him, I just…" She turned her head to the side. Her hands clenched into tight fists. Sora's eyes had gone real wide, and his jaw completely slack. "I didn't want to mess it up and have them get all… upset and worried and stuff, so I tried to explain it as best as I could but I think I just made it worse…"

Sora opened his mouth, then closed it. His fingers clenched, and then he made himself unclench them. He stood there a moment, in silence, face swapping rapidly between an expression that looked like he wanted to strangle Kairi, and then a much more patient—though still frustrated—expression. Riku tried not to stare too much, but it was certainly a sight.

"You don't have to get you parents or anything," Riku told him, since that seemed like something important that needed to be said. "Just, y'know, come sort things out."

Sora let out a long breath, and then he spoke.

"How bad is it?"

"Aerith tried to help me defend Kano," Kairi said. Sora let out a sharp laugh at that, which made Riku raise his eyebrows. What was that about? Was it about Aerith? "Leon's still a little skeptical, Cid's definitely not buying it and… honestly I have no idea about Yuffie."

Sora nodded. "Alright. Well…"

"One more thing?" Kairi said. She wouldn't look right at Sora, and there was almost a note of fear in her voice. Riku watched her, worriedly.

"Yeah…?" Sora asked, his face darkening with skepticism.

Kairi sent an uncomfortable look at Riku.

"What?" he asked.

She glared murder at him, and then either decided it didn't matter he was standing right here, or that it wasn't worth it to try and drag Sora to the side (Riku would've still been able to hear them, of course) and so she slumped a little, defeated.

"I…. maaaaay have nearly revealed the Thing?" she told Sora.

He frowned hard. "What thing?"

"_The _Thing," Kairi said. "About Kano. I- I caught myself, but—"

"YOU DID _WHAT!?_"

That slightly murderous expression flashed through Sora's face again, and then was replaced with one more akin to someone about to be sick. Riku watched carefully, trying to focus on anything but the slight ringing in his ears. Did one of those expressions belong to Sora, and the other to Kano? He hadn't interacted with the two of them at length, really, so he wasn't used to this.

"IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!" Kairi stammered. Looked like Sora's shout made her jump out of her skin, too. That made Riku feel better. "I caught myself in time and lead them off the trail by telling them that he didn't want anyone to know about the, y'know, not-wanting-to-do-his-job-as-a-Shadow-anymore thing."

"I DIDN'T!" Sora—or, Kano?—shouted back. Riku flinched, and cursed himself for it. Sora—or, Kano—wasn't yelling at _him. _He should be better than this.

"WELL, BETTER THEM KNOWING THAT THAN—" Kairi gestured widely, first in Sora's direction, then in Riku's. Her face worked hard.

Sora grimaced, glared, then sighed. Kairi dropped her arms. Riku pulled his hands out of his pockets and crossed his arms over his chest, looking between the two of them, debating on… Should he say it? They were his best friends, so it was in his job description to pry, wasn't it? But if he was right about what it was, Riku was sure Sora wouldn't want anyone prying. Or, Kano wouldn't. It was taking some time to get used to thinking of them separately, or thinking of Kano as existing… _at all. _Having only interacted with Sora's Shadow through Sora before all this certainly wasn't helping.

Still…

Riku chewed his tongue a moment, then nodded to himself.

"…you were going to say 'because he loved Sora,' weren't you, Kairi?" he asked. He decided not to look or sound too smug as he said it. The weight of the question meant this was not, exactly, a victory.

"What! No! I- _No!_" Kairi protested.

The red of her cheeks and Sora's face again warring between murderous and on the verge of puking didn't help her case, though. Riku swallowed. Then he allowed himself a laugh. A short one.

"Please! I'm not stupid," he said. Oh, shoot, that sounded smug, didn't it? Well, he _felt _pretty smug, anyway. "You said half the word and then changed the subject quick enough. Maybe Cid and Yuffie missed it, and your dad and Leon were too worried about other things to catch it, but, me? _C'mon_…"

Kairi sighed. Sora started pacing in small circles, kicking up sand, looking like he was having a fierce argument with himself. Must've been with Kano.

"You think Aerith knows?" Kairi asked.

Riku shrugged, though he should've nodded. "She's not stupid either."

"WELL THIS IS JUST! GREAT!" Sora screamed, starting to pace in a tight line in the sand, three steps one way, three steps the other. "NOW EVERYONE KNOWS!" There was a slight pause, a twist of his neck, and then a quieter shout of: "Kano, _please!_"

Riku had not spent every one of his waking moments contemplating Sora's current situation, sharing a body with Kano and all, but there'd been a night or two where it was 3 AM and he wasn't sleeping and it had crossed his mind. He hadn't imagined, uh, _this_, however. Watching Sora's body bounce from Sora's control to Kano's was… odd. He wouldn't even call it interesting, or intriguing (then he'd just feel like Vexen), it was just… odd.

"Look! I'm sorry!" Kairi told him, marching forward a few steps so that she closer to him, though not directly in front of him, because he was already turning so that his pacing meant he did not have to face her. "It was an _accident_!"

"Aerith won't say anything about it, anyway," Riku added, trying to help. "She knows how to keep things private. And if you're mad at me finding out, well…" He stuttered a second, not sure who to direct this at, not sure which of them was the most upset. Probably Kano, from the sounds of it, he thought, but… "I was gonna find out eventually," he finished dejectedly. That seemed the safest to say.

"YOU JUST! HAD TO TELL KAIRI! DIDN'T YOU!" Sora shouted—no, Kano, probably, maybe? Riku did not really understand what was going on, but that would make the most sense, he thought. Kairi'd said she could tell the difference just by how they spoke, but, Riku wasn't hearing it. On another note: he was glad that, since he was expecting the shout, he didn't jump this time.

Sora did a complete 180 on himself, face twisting into a different shape, hands flying through the air. "I HAD TO TELL SOMEONE!" he argued. "Did you expect me to carry that _alone!?_ If I'd known you were still around, I might not have—"

His words were cut off by another 180 and a half-stifled screech of anguish.

"I'M NOT SUPPOSED! TO BE! STILL AROUND! I'M SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!"

He kicked angrily at the sand, throwing some of it up in the air, though not as much as if he'd been wearing shoes, at least? This was definitely Kano, though. It had to be.

"Is, uh, this _normal_…?" Riku asked Kairi.

She swiveled her shocked gaze towards him. "_No!_"

"Oh."

Riku swallowed. It felt like there was a rock in his stomach. Sora and Kano kept screaming at each other, which was really distracting, even if it was hard to process all of their words at that volume. Something about Kano getting a body again and that… that was it. That was all Riku could make out.

"Should… I not have said anything?" Riku whispered.

"Um! Probably!" Kairi answered.

Riku cringed.

He started to mumble an apology, but then Sora was rounding on Kairi.

"HOW _COULD _YOU!?" he demanded. His expression was horrible, and even though it was not directed at Riku, Riku felt the shame of it weigh heavy on him. He was not sure whether it was Sora or Kano who'd asked, just that Kairi started shaking.

"I'M! _SORRY!" _she screamed back. "IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! I GOT ALL FRUSTRATED AND IT SLIPPED OUT AND I TRIED MY HARDEST TO FIX IT! _OKAY! _SORA, ISN'T THAT ENOUGH!?"

Sora's expression softened. He turned his head to the side.

"She tried, Kano," he whispered.

His neck rolled to the other side.

"She _betrayed _us."

"It was an accident."

There was a pause. His fists tightened at his sides, and he was rigid, shaking. When the words left his mouth, they were sharp and spitting, laced with venom.

"What's it matter when it caused this _big damn mess?!_"

Riku snarled, then grabbed Sora by the shirt. He was tired of being yelled at, he was tired of this argument, he was tired of watching Kano shred at Kairi like this—not to mention it couldn't be good for Sora's body. He may not have been the strongest person in this universe, nor at his strongest right now, but there was enough strength in him to drag Sora—and more importantly, Kano through Sora—off the ground by a few inches.

"HEY!" Riku snapped. "CUT IT OUT! I'm _sooo _sorry that I decided to bring this up!" The words were more sarcastic than anything else, even if he _was _sincerely sorry. "But don't! take it out on Kairi! As far as things went, she did a _damn _good job at covering it up!"

Sora's face contorted in a way that made Riku's stomach churn.

"YOU ADMITTED IT YOURSELF!" Kano roared, and Riku tensed at how loud it was. "IT PROBABLY WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH! EVERYONE STILL KNOWS!"

"Only _I _know for sure!" Riku argued. He was shaking, and he hated it. "Aerith _might _know, but she won't tell a soul—she won't even ask you for clarification! Me? I won't blab." Fury burned in his gut, and his voice shook as much as his arm did. Sora dropped an inch or so. Darkness sang in his veins. "You have my word, and I take my promises _very seriously._"

Kano glared hard at him, and Riku bit his tongue in frustration, realizing something else—but he had to make sure his promise was clear.

"I have to tell Namine, though. If she asks. I won't lie to her for you."

"_Riku,_" Kairi warned, and not for what he'd said.

Riku knew that. He recognized the prickling on his skin well enough, he did not have to see the wisps of darkness out of the corner of his eyes. But what was he supposed to do to stop it? Besides—maybe this intimidated Kano a little. He could hope for that.

All Kano seemed to be was angry, though.

"I DON'T WANT NAMINE KNOWING! I DON'T WANT ANYONE KNOWING!"

"_I'm not keeping secrets from her again," _Riku hissed. "If she asks me flat out, I'll tell her. I have to. We're just _finally _working things out, I'm not sabotaging our relationship for _YOUR _sorry little sake!"

The darkness at his fingertips was growing stronger, so he dropped Sora before he could hurt him, and then took a leaf from Sora's book and paced once in a tight circle. Kairi watched him warily, rubbing her arms, and he tried to pull the darkness back into him, but that was… pointless. It always was. He managed to make it calm a little, but it still burned on his arms. Despite that, there was no fear in Sora's—Kano's—eyes. Just that anger. It made Riku laugh. Harshly.

"Why do you even _care _about people knowing?" he asked, with a slight grin of satisfaction, because he knew that question would make Kano squirm. "What's so _awful _about it? So! You love Sora! Big deal!"

"Riku, for the love of—" Kairi started.

Murder flared across Kano's face, and he jumped to his (Sora's) feet, arms flying back as he leaned forward into Riku, _screaming at the top of his lungs._

"IT'S! FUCKING! EMBARRASSING!"

Riku's heart pulled a little with guilt, but otherwise he was real glad for this reaction. The darkness on him, in him, roared with delight. Kano still did not look scared, but his eyes were wide with a wild fury, and Riku almost wondered how far he could push before Kano attacked him. That'd be bad, though. He'd have to hurt Sora. And Kairi wouldn't be happy.

Still, he kept taunting.

"Yeah?" he sang. "_Why_?"

"_BECAUSE! _IT'S JUST—"

"HEY!"

Kairi put herself between them, pushing the two of them back. Kano fell on his (Sora's) butt. Riku staggered a step, but regathered himself quickly enough. Kairi pulled her hand back, hissing, after she touched him, but that's all she did before she kept speaking. She looked very serious, and her tone was sarcastically sweet.

"I hate to ruin your party," she said, "but we probably need to get back to Hollow Bastion and clear things up sooner rather than later. It's only Aerith on your side, Kano, and Cid's already made her look pretty silly for defending you. The longer we stand here and argue, the worse it's gonna be when we get back, so! Stop screaming at each other!"

"You're one to talk!" Kano snapped.

Kairi turned on him completely.

"_Shut up! _And give Sora control of his body back, before I punch you!"

Satisfied that that took care of it, Kairi took a step away from them. Riku expected Kano to say something about the fact her punching him was basically pointless, since Sora would be the only one getting hurt. He didn't, though. Huh.

"Alright," Kairi said, rubbing her hands together. "Everyone take 30 seconds to calm down. Sora, you get Kano to stop feeling so murderous if you can, he's gotta be at least a little nice for everyone if he wants to make a good impression." Sora nodded. Riku assumed it was Sora this time. He looked less angry. "And Riku… you should…" Kairi looked at him, and after a second, just gestured vaguely to his whole body. "Try and stop… _that_…"

Riku nodded and bit his tongue, then counted to twenty in his head. That calmed the pulsing of his heart, at least, and the darkness stopped singing so loudly inside him. That was all he could do for now. Some of the darkness still danced on his fingertips. He just had to wait for it to stop.

Sora pushed himself back to his feet, after a moment, a look of resignation on his face. Riku wasn't sure if he should peg that to Sora or to Kano, still, though Sora was very calm when he spoke, at least.

"Let's get this over with," he said, holding his hand out to Kairi.

Kairi took it, and then, tentatively, held her hand out to Riku. She only pulled her hand back once, and for all the darkness still prickling between his fingers, Riku didn't blame her. He did his best to pull it all away from the hand he offered her, so that he wouldn't hurt her. He wondered if the fear in her eyes had less to do with the apparent threat of the darkness, and more to do with what it meant.

She'd been there, when Even had announced it. She knew. Three weeks wasn't a very long time.

But there were more important things to worry about now, and he'd delayed them long enough.

With a well-forced smile, Riku asked her what the holdup was, and after a blink of surprise, Kairi nodded and activated the star shard.


	51. In which Sora is completely adamant

**AN/ **Happy day before Thanksgiving, and Thanksgiving in general to all my fellow Americans! If you aren't American, then, well, have a happy Wednesday, or, whatever day it is when you read this.

Second, though you've probably figured it out by now: unlike Dead Inside, ATR's not going to have any special chapters. I don't think it's good for my pacing, I can't think of good ideas for special chapters anyway, and it's not like hitting 50 or even 100 chapters is a big ol' milestone anymore. Sorry, except, not really.

* * *

The first thought that entered Sora's mind as Kairi's star shard dropped them and Riku into Aerith's house—in that space between the kitchen and the stairs, so they wouldn't cause a disruption in the dining room—was how cold the wooden floor was against his bare toes. "Ugh, Kairi, you let me forget my shoes," he was saying, before he really thought about it.

She looked at him, _glared _at him. "Honestly, Sora, _that's _what you choose to think about right now?"

"Just mentioning," Sora mumbled, turning his gaze away from her. Thinking about it meant he didn't have to think about the impending conversation, or the fact Kano was still a boiling ball of anger in the back of his mind. Sora grimaced at the pile of sand that was forming around his feet—he and Kairi always tracked sand through here when they visited, it was unavoidable, but this looked twice as bad. _Especially_ since his legs were coated in sand up to his knees, after all the swimming and kicking sand around. He resolved to offer to sweep it up later, so Aerith wouldn't have to. Just… later.

'_Can't we do it now?' _Kano asked. '_Rather that than having to… talk to people.'_

_ I don't think Aerith would let us, _Sora replied. And, he didn't say it, but because he was thinking it, Kano must've also known that they couldn't really afford to put this off. If they were all as upset as Kairi'd made them out to be, then, there was no time to wait.

There was no time to wait, but, it was still hard to move his feet in the direction of the dining room. Kairi had to drag him there, in the end, to join everyone else. Everyone but Namine. Sora frowned as he noticed that, but he didn't have time to ask.

"What took you so long?" Ren asked.

"We ran into some trouble," Kairi answered.

"Kano wasn't happy you'd all learned about him, that's all," Sora said. He looked over his shoulder for Riku, and found him at the bottom of the staircase, looking up it as if he was deciding whether or not he'd go up. Maybe he wanted to get Namine…? Sora tore his eyes away. "He, uh… Kano was enjoying being a secret."

Yuffie laughed. "Yeah, I bet."

Kano shot a death-glare at her before Sora could control his face. He made his muscles drop the expression, but… Kairi nudged him in a sort of reassuring way. Another look for Riku (because, it'd be nice to have him for support, too, maybe,) told Sora that Riku'd decided to head upstairs after all.

'_Let's hope he doesn't come back,' _Kano mumbled. Sora grit his teeth. There wasn't time to remind Kano that Riku was also his friend and he should be nice, though.

And, maybe it was for the best if Riku didn't come back down. Sora loved Riku, he did, but if Kano was going to be unreasonable just because he was in the room, well, that wouldn't be good. Besides, Sora was just as mad as Kano was at Riku, for prying, there was just nothing he could do about it now.

_If Riku does come back down, you can't be rude, alright? _Sora said.

'_So long as he doesn't start anything, sure, I'll try,' _Kano replied, with a sharp edge to his tone. Sora shifted his weight. He looked for a place to sit, maybe, but at the end of the table was the best place to be, so he could address everyone at once, and there was only one chair close enough to pull over. That'd leave Kairi standing, unless she took the other seat at the end of the table, on Leon's left, but Sora'd much prefer she stay with him. They'd both stand, then.

Sora took another second to judge how everyone was feeling about the news, about Kano. Cid's eyes were narrowed skeptically, he definitely hadn't taken it well. Aerith was playing with her fingers, looking nervous, but she smiled supportively at him when she saw he was looking. Leon was rubbing at his head in classic Leon style—no way to tell anything from that. Yuffie was tipping back in her chair, arms crossed tightly over her chest. Either she was frustrated, or she was bored. Ren, meanwhile, looked tired. Concerned. He probably hardly understood what was going on.

Sora took a deep breath. Alright, now, where to start?

Cid didn't even give him the chance to figure it out. "So, Sora, Kairi said that—"

"Cid, let him speak!" Leon interrupted.

"No! He's been standin' there for two minutes now, and he hasn't said a damn thing yet! I'll ask my question if I want to!" Cid turned back to Sora, and the manic look in his eyes felt a lot more threatening than normal. "Kairi says yeh think your Shadow has changed or something, is tha' right?"

'_Are you SERIOUS?' _Kano seethed.

Sora made himself take a deep breath, so that Kano's anger would not show too drastically on his face. "Yeah, that's right," Sora said. "He has."

"But are yeh _sure?_" Cid asked. He put one arm on the table and leaned forward. He looked extremely serious, and like he expected to win an argument—except, this wasn't really an argument.

Sora bit his lip to suppress a groan.

"I'm _pretty _sure," he said, fighting to keep his voice even. Aerith had told him, what felt like forever ago, that everyone here would be supportive of Kano, if they had Sora's word. Well, clearly, that wasn't the case with Cid.

"Sora, d'yeh even know what a Shadow _is?_" Cid demanded, raising his voice. "Or didja _forget? _And- and what's all this talk about him not wantin' t'do his job anymore? Because, frankly, that's bullshit."

Sora raised his eyebrows.

"Cid, _honestly,_" Aerith said, with a tired sigh. She'd never looked this thin on patience in the entire time Sora had known her. '_Surprising, if she has to deal with this all the time,' _Kano laughed. Sora tried to ignore him.

"Sorry I didn't warn you he'd be this bad." Kairi grabbed Sora by the shoulder and leaned over to whisper that to him. "But, uh, he was like this before I left to get you."

"That's okay," Sora told her. Cid had already rounded on Aerith, and was still shouting.

"Kairi brought Sora here so he could give us some answers, and I want some answers!" He slammed and open palm against the table—which made Yuffie jump and her chair drop back onto all four legs, and made Ren turn to Cid, tensing like he wanted to argue. Cid's attention was only for Sora, though, and he kept shouting, so no one could say anything else. "Do yeh _really _think your Shadow doesn't want t'do his job anymore, Sora?"

Kano grumbled about the fact that Cid knew this, but Sora kept ignoring him, and nodded.

"I'm absolutely positive of that," he answered.

Cid's nostrils flared. "He's gotta be lyin' t'yeh!"

Sora laughed, shortly. Was it his laugh? Kano's? Who cared. "No, he's not," Sora said, very clearly, very plainly, insides roiling because he was so tired of explaining this, and even more tired of the way Kano seized up inside him every time he did. "Look, I can feel it, because he's in here," Sora tapped at his chest. "I can feel everything he feels, and hear at least ninety percent of his thoughts, so he really can't hide anything from me. That means he can't lie, either."

Cid glared hard, and took a swig of his drink, slamming his mug back down on the table with more force than necessary. He knew he was losing. That realization filled Sora with a sharp satisfaction, even though, this still wasn't exactly an argument, and he was fairly certain that was Kano's satisfaction and not his own.

'_It's just good to see him lose that smug glint in his eyes, that's all,' _Kano said, confirming it. '_Maybe he'll stop grilling us so hard.'_

Sora knew the look of someone who didn't want to give up well, though. It was a look Kairi wore often. _I wouldn't count on it, _he said.

Cid shook his head. "No, see, he's _gotta _be trickin' yeh somehow, Sora! He's a Shadow. It's what they _do—_"

"Cid, come on, I think Sora's made his point," Leon said, in a quiet but firm tone.

"Nah, that's alright," Sora said. His muscles had gone all tense. He hated this question, and Kano did twice as much, and there was no way they'd back down from it. "There's a lot of good reasons why he's not tricking me, the main one being that, oh yeah, he's given up on dragging me into darkness." Kairi gripped his arm, and he took it as a reminder to take a deep breath, not that he paused for long. "And, how do I know that? Because, like I said, Kano's in here—" again, he tapped at his chest "—and if he was tricking me, I would know. I would _know. _You literally cannot hide things from someone when you're sharing a heart space with them. Believe me on that."

Cid let out a long breath, but he didn't argue.

'_Finally,' _Kano sighed.

"Can't he, like, manipulate your thoughts, though?" Yuffie asked. "Any chance he's just, making you not _realize _he's tricking you or whatever?"

Kano's relief immediately became anger. He snarled hard at Yuffie. '_Oh, for the love of—I'm so TIRED of this!' _He snatched control of Sora's body away from Sora, and started his own protests.

"I can't do that while I'm inside Sora! We're too muddled together," Kano explained, voice shaking with a rage that beat hard in Sora's mind. He crossed his arms over his chest (well, Sora's arms over Sora's chest) and turned his attention away from the group, finding a spot on the wall close to the ceiling to look at instead. "And- And even if I _could _do it, I wouldn't, I _wouldn't. _Please, you- you have to believe that."

Sora's heart seized. Kano's voice was not just shaking because he was mad. It was shaking because he was scared. Terrified, that'd they'd see through these words, see what he really felt. Sora did his best not to remind Kano of Aerith, and instead tried to reassure Kano:

_There's nothing in what you said that could possibly—_

_ 'Worried more about HOW I said it, Sora.'_

Sora licked his lips—a physical action, because he still held some control of his body—_Just, take a deep breath. Try not to think about it too much. We're okay. _After a second of consideration, he added:_ We also should maybe consider practicing a denial speech so that we're prepared if we're ever asked flat out again._

Kano laughed sharply—also a physical action—though surprise flared through their link. Surprise, and something that Sora was beginning to recognize as love—a rush of affection and warmth, among other feelings, all bundled up together. He was glad his skin was dark enough that his blushes didn't show easily.

'_Yeah, and at least Riku didn't actually come down,' _Kano said, as if to mask the emotions running through him._ 'Who knows how well he can keep a secret!'_

Sora wasn't sure, but he knew how well Riku could keep a promise. He still thought it was probably for the better that Riku wasn't down here, though.

"Hey," Kairi said, quietly, with a nudge. Her expression told Sora that they'd probably gone long enough without speaking, and, it held a suggestion Kano say a little more to tide everyone over. Sora was glad she hadn't decided to speak for them in their silence, while Kano bristled at the idea of saying anything more. All warmth was gone from Kano's heart.

Sora started to talk Kano into it, but then Kano opened his mouth.

"I mean, there's just… no point in this life," he grumbled. He tried to make eye-contact with either Aerith or Leon (Aerith, patient and concerned and encouraging all the same; Leon, considering more than skeptical; both the kindest faces in the room,) but couldn't manage. He dropped his gaze to the table instead. "There's no point in just existing to drag Sora into darkness. What happens when that's done? What happens if he dies? What happens to me?" He shook his head. Fear made his words tremble. "I don't like it."

_You're doing good, _Sora told him, pushing encouragement across their link. It was met with another rush of love, quickly suppressed, and then a pile of nervousness in his stomach.

'_Do they REALLY have to like me?' _There was a frantic note in Kano's silent voice._ 'Can I please, just, quit now?'_

_ Kano… c'mon, they're my friends._

Kano grimaced, but didn't argue. Sora considered everyone at the table. They seemed to be taking this well, now…? Leon was mulling all the information over, from the looks of it. Cid still looked angry, but Sora was beginning to suspect it was because he was losing confidence. The gleam of _I won't give up _had all but vanished from his eyes. Yuffie's face was scrunched up hard. Ren still had his concerned dad look on, but that was mixed with an _I-have-no-idea-what's-going-on-but-don't-want-to-ask _kind of expression. He'd, probably, have to be talked with separately, when this was all over…

'_Do we have to?' _Kano groaned.

_ He's Kairi's dad._

Kano sighed. '_And we have to do it for Kairi, yeah yeah.'_

_ That, and he might as well be my second father, _Sora added._ I owe him an explanation just as much as my own parents. We just have to tell him a little sooner than them, looks like… Hey, he was going to find out today anyway, if things had gone as planned._

_ 'That doesn't make me feel better.'_

Leon cleared his throat to draw Sora's and Kano's attention to him.

"How… how can we believe you?" he asked. It took Sora a second to realize Leon was asking Kano, not him. The good news, was Leon's voice was empty of nearly everything—no contempt, no judging, just a little skepticism. That was to be expected. Despite his hopes, Sora knew well enough he could not make anyone like and completely trust Kano overnight, and he certainly couldn't do it in ten minutes. So long as this ended with them believing Kano didn't mean him any harm, that would be enough.

Sora's hands clenched into fists again—Kano's doing, just as it was Kano's sigh that left his lungs. Sora hadn't been given full control of his body back yet, and there'd been no reason to snatch it back, either. He let Kano speak.

"Look, I mean, didn't…" He cleared his throat nervously. "Didn't Cloud say something about Sephiroth, to Sora? About how he got tired of just being Cloud's Shadow, how he wanted _more _than that. Why- why is it so hard to expect something like that from me?"

Sora tried to hide his surprise that Kano was bothering to explain this much, knowing that Kano'd just react badly if he felt it. Unfortunately, as he'd explained so avidly, it wasn't exactly possible to do that. Kano felt it, and immediately threw his hands in the air.

"But! I mean! WHATEVER! Think what you want. I'm tired of doing this."

Kano passed control of Sora's body back to Sora, then slipped back into a slightly-more distant recess of Sora's heart.

Sora bit his tongue to stifle a groan, and put a hand against the table so he would not collapse. His knees shook with an exhaustion that was not, exactly his own. But, he couldn't stop _now. _

"Sorry… about him…" he said. "He's just, y'know…" Sora cleared his throat. "Still. He's got a point. If Sephiroth could want something else out of life, why is it weird Kano does?"

Kairi dragged over that that nearby chair for him. Sora fell into it gratefully, even though it was the last thing he wanted to do, because it was hard to make convincing arguments when it looked like you wanted to pass out. He gave himself just a second—all he could spare—to try and separate Kano's exhaustion from his own. Kairi squeezed one of his shoulders, and he was glad for that. He was glad she hadn't interrupted, glad she hadn't taken one of multiple opportunities to dig at Kano, glad she was here supporting him. She was one of the things he could always count on.

"It's… it's less that—" Leon began, but stopped. He looked very much like he didn't want to continue what he was going to say. He looked at Aerith, and after meeting his eyes, she nodded to urge him along. He took a deep breath.

"It's less that we think it's weird, and more that we're worried it won't last," Leon said.

Aerith nodded, with a solemn _I-want-to-believe-I'm-wrong-and-you're-right-but-I'm-just-not-sure_ look. She'd gotten this look when she and Sora last talked about this. "Sephiroth _did _want to be more than just Cloud's Shadow," she continued, where Leon left off. "But, despite that, he couldn't, exactly…" She stopped, grimacing, unsure of how to continue.

"Shadows are very purpose driven creatures," Leon said, for her.

Cid nodded, looking at his coffee like he wanted to drown his bitterness at losing this pseudo-argument against Sora with it. "Without a purpose, they get all confused and whiney and, uh…"

"Irrational?" Aerith supplied, with a small shrug. She was fiddling with her hands in her lap. "It would explain why he felt what he felt when… when he couldn't find you. When Maleficent—"

Sora nodded, cutting her off there.

He got the idea, and so did Kano.

Kano was bristling in the back of him, all of his emotions geared towards _yup, that's exactly it _mixed with a fierce disgust of himself. He was on the verge of saying, _They're right, they're exactly right, and that's why I can't—_

But Sora wouldn't have it. Sora refused to listen to that.

"He- he doesn't want to drag me into darkness, though," he argued, as much to everyone at the table as to Kano inside him. Kairi's grip tightened on his shoulder, and he thought maybe this time it was not to reassure him. Sora chewed his tongue. "If, if he doesn't want to, isn't that—"

'_Not really,' _Kano answered before Leon could even say his bit.

"But once he doesn't have that purpose—the one he was born to fulfill, by the way—then what does he have?" Leon asked. He pressed folded hands to his mouth, and studied Sora with sharp eyes. Between that look, and Kano's bubbling despair, it was all Sora could do to not be sick.

"M-Me?" he offered. Then, to make sure that didn't suggest too much, he added: "His, uh, friends?"

Kano burst out laughing inside of him. (Thankfully, it stayed _inside _of him). Everyone at the table looked at least a little bemused by the idea. Cid even snorted into his coffee.

Sora scowled. It'd been worth a shot.

"I know…" he whispered dejectedly. He slumped back in his chair and looked down at the ground. The weight of this hurt as much as Kano's smug _I was right, _which was really just one part smug and two parts desperate self-loathing. "Cloud- Cloud mentioned," Sora said, and then swallowed. He wanted to cry. "Cloud mentioned that, even if he stuck around, even if he changed, that there'd be a good chance he'd, uh," Sora paused, eyes drifting up to where Ren was sitting. Ren had probably heard the worst by now, but Sora still rephrased what he was going to say, choosing a few less violent words. "That he'd kill me in my sleep, and neither of us would see it coming."

Cid was the only one who mumbled an agreement, but Leon and Aerith both looked like they wanted to. Yuffie didn't, at least, and surprisingly, neither did Kairi. Still. No one was protesting, telling him _no, that's not right. _They all really did think Kano'd slit his throat in his sleep and there was nothing he could do to stop it, nothing either of them could do. And worst of all, Kano offered no support. He just brimmed with a desperate laughter—a laughter that nearly burst from Sora's lips, because _he believed it as much as they did._

Sora shook his head, shook his head hard, at them, at Kano, at Cloud. They were wrong. They were all _wrong._

"So, what? Are- are you saying this is some sort of _inherent trait?_" he asked, voice shaking between Kano's laughter and his own desperation. He could not bear to look at any of them, so he looked at the ceiling. "That he can't, like? That he honestly _can't change _just because of _what _he is? Because, that's just, _ridiculous! _It's ridiculous! Nothing about _anybody _is permanent!"

No one answered him.

No one, except, Kano.

'_C'mon, Sora, you haven't forgotten what I am, have you?'_

_ Don't you dare! _he thought back, shaking his head. _Don't you DARE go there, Kano!_

_ 'They're right, Sora.'_

_ No! They're not! _Sora lowered his head, buried his face in his hands. He wanted to tear at his hair. Also, he was crying now, so that was great. _You WOULDN'T!_

_ 'I wouldn't want to,' _Kano agreed. '_But it just takes one moment of weakness. One second where I forget how to control myself.' _

Images burned in Sora's mind, but he pushed them away. He didn't want proof. He refused to believe anything but that they were all wrong. That all of them, _especially _Kano, were wrong.

_You can't seriously make me believe that, Kano! _he argued._ You can't make me believe that you'd hurt me again. You love me. _Maybe he was being stubborn, not to mention insensitive for bringing it up, and there was no denying he'd warred with this in the past, _but... _But he hadn't felt everything Kano felt this clearly, in the past. Now, he did, and now, he was sure. Kano loved him. Kano regretted hurting him. Kano'd go out of his way to avoid hurting him again.

Kano didn't answer for a moment. In that moment, in Kano's pause, Sora registered someone at the table start to say something, only for Kairi to stop them, to tell them to give Sora a moment. He was grateful. Very grateful.

'_Then…' _Kano felt hesitant to speak. '_Maybe I can make you believe that, because I… y'know.' _He still did not want to say 'love'_, _and Sora still could not blame him. '_Because of that, I… If I have to warn you now to make sure I don't hurt you later, then, fine! That's what I'll do!'_

Sora laughed, and at it, Kano recoiled. Good. Maybe he'd realize how much having to argue about this _hurt_.

_Warn me now, huh? _Sora asked, still laughing. He dropped his hands from his face. _And what do you want me to do, now that I'm warned? Kill you again? Get rid of you, so you can't possibly hurt me? _Anger boiled hard in him._ You can't ask me to do that! You CAN'T._

And then…

To make sure everyone was absolutely clear.

Sora repeated that out loud.

"Even if he _might _hurt me later, you can't ask me to kill him again." His voice shook. He dug his fingers into his knees. "Because I won't do it. I _won't kill you a second time, _do you hear that, Kano?" Of course Kano did. Of course Kano did, and something inside of him churned. Shame. Guilt. Were they Kano's, for nearly asking this of Sora? Or were they Sora's, for pushing everyone to this point? Who knew. Sora certainly didn't.

"You won't have to," Aerith said, firmly.

"No, you won't," Kairi agreed. "Because, we're looking for an answer! That's why we're doing all this research! It's not just to figure out how to get Kano his own body. It's to figure out all there is to know about Shadows. To- to figure out if there's something we missed, because maybe what we know about them is wrong." She pounded a fist against the table, all her weight forward, _daring _one of them to argue with her. "And if Sora says Kano can change, has changed, then I believe him, because he's never been wrong about this sort of thing before."

Then, she turned to Sora.

"We're just… worried about you," she said, lowering her voice quite a bit. "_I'm _just worried about you. Kano's done some pretty nasty things in the past, and I don't want him hurting you again." Sora knew it was a little more than that, but, he understood if that's all she wanted to admit to right now. "But… I wouldn't ask you to kill him, Sora. There's definitely gotta be some other way to deal with him, if it comes down to it."

Sora nodded. "Thanks, Kairi," he said. And then, because it seemed right, he added, for everyone else's benefit: "He's sorry, by the way. Kano is. For what he did to me." He wanted to assure them that Kano was sorry for everything he'd done to _them, _too, but, that wasn't true. "He regrets it more than anything else."

"I bet he does," Kairi said, as if it were just the two of them, and there was a great comfort in that, more than in the softness of her voice. And, there was an even greater comfort in everything she'd just said—all of it just to support him, and none of it to drag Kano down.

Sora swore he'd never loved her more than he did right then.

"And… you're sure he doesn't want to hurt you, right?" Kairi continued, asking one more time so no one else had to.

Sora nodded. "Positive." For good measure, he tapped at his chest. "I can feel it." This show was for everyone else in the room, but he kept his eyes on Kairi.

She nodded back at him. "Of course. Why would he?"

And, though she did not say it, the words _he loves you _burned in her eyes. She could keep a secret. She really could, so long as she didn't lose her temper.

"Well, we'll help you look," Leon said. He nodded to himself. "For an answer."

"Mmhmm," Aerith added, just a heartbeat later. "You can count on us."

Cid scowled hard, grumbling. "Figures you two would… blasted…" He kept on grumbling, but the only other word Sora could make out sounded, oddly, like the word _sorceresses_? Strange… He stopped grumbling after a second, though, and said: "I can't say I like this any more than I did five minutes ago, Sora, but the least I can do is help yeh look for some answers, I guess. When I got time, anyway. Yeh thought about askin' King Mickey?"

Sora nodded. Kano died a little inside him.

"Yeah. Him and Yen Sid are both on the list."

Kairi groaned a little at the mention of Yen Sid. And, honestly, Kano didn't seem too thrilled about talking to him, either.

_You wanna figure this out, don't you? _Sora asked him—he couldn't bug Kairi now, or he would've. _We have to ask them._

Kano decided not to respond.

Yuffie cleared her throat. She looked a little uncomfortable to have everyone's attention on her. "You should ask Cloud, too, maybe," she said. "Maybe he knows more than what he's told us. And- and, uh…" She scrunched her face up hard, but after a second, she nodded. "Maybe what he told us is wrong. He only knows all he does because he had to deal with Sephiroth, but, this doesn't—this isn't at _all _like what happened with Sephiroth."

"I've… been thinking that, too," Aerith agreed.

Yuffie nodded aggressively, like she was glad to have Aerith agreeing with her.

"What do you mean by that?" Sora asked, squinting between the two of them. Granted, he was glad to hear this, he just wanted some more details.

"Not much more than just the fact this isn't what happened with Sephiroth at all," Aerith answered. She leaned forward in her chair, then back in it, running her fingers together. "But, especially… Especially Kano, well, _surviving_, and living in your heart. That bit especially."

"For all we knew, it wasn't even possible," Leon added.

Aerith looked at him, nodded, looked back to Sora. "Exactly."

Sora slowly nodded, too. He'd sort of expected that, but, still. This was good to hear. Even Kano seemed a little relieved, though it was getting hard to tell—from the feel of it, Kano was starting to slip back off to where Sora couldn't reach him.

"So… you guys all _will _give Kano a chance, right?" Sora asked. He looked at Kairi, first, and she nodded, though she scowled. Sora got the feeling the scowl was more for him pressing this with her, but, he had good reason to. Her nod was more of a relief than Aerith's that quickly followed.

"Of course, Sora," Aerith said, even though she'd already told him this.

"Yeah," Leon said.

Cid definitely didn't look happy about agreeing, but he still said: "I can try. Not like I got much choice."

Yuffie nodded as well.

Sora's eyes fell on Ren, and for a moment, he stopped breathing. He'd, slightly, forgotten that Ren had been sitting here, listening to all of this. It'd been easier to just not think about, while he was dealing with everything else.

Ren sat with his elbows on the table, hands pressed together in front of his face. Now that he had Sora's attention, he lowered them a little. "I hate to say this, Sora, but you're going to have to explain everything again, this time to someone who has no idea what any of this magic stuff is," he said. "I definitely trust your judgement—like Kairi said, you've never been wrong before—but all I really understood of that is that Kano might have at one point wanted to kill you in your sleep, and none of you are surprised by the notion, and, I just…" He paused, mouth working for words. He tapped his hands twice against his chin, then sighed. It didn't seem like he was going to find the words, but his point had been made well enough.

Sora's first response was a strained, low whine. It only lasted a few seconds before he realized what he was doing, or rather, what Kano was doing through him, and made it stop. The large knot in his stomach wasn't so easy to get rid of, though.

_We were going to have to do this, anyway, Kano. Besides, it's practice for my parents, since we'll eventually have to tell them, too._

_ 'That isn't comforting!'_

"Here, we'll take care of this," Kairi said. For a second Sora's—Kano's—hopes skyrocketed, but then he realized she was not talking to him, but everyone else at the table, so they plummeted again. "You guys can, go do whatever. We got it."

She took the chair that Aerith vacated—only after Aerith had asked twice whether she was sure, and so on—and then she looked to Sora, clearly expecting him to start. It was all he could do not to groan.


	52. In which Riku trusts Kairi with a burden

**AN/ **I'm sorry this is so late. I got swamped with other writing projects and life things. It's the holiday season. It happens.

In slightly-related news: I made a mix for Riku about where he is in ATR (called "a place to call home") and I'm currently crying because it's good for him and I'm really emotional about his character development. This, uh, this happens a lot. I love my characters so much.

Also, you may want to check out ASASch93 after reading this chapter, it has some supplementary stuff.

ANYWAY ENJOY THE CHAPTER.

* * *

Riku ended up going upstairs for a couple reasons. First was to ask Namine if she wanted to maybe be around for Sora's explanation, even if he doubted she did. Second was to just, plain, check on her. And, because he wasn't sure if he himself wanted to stick around for Sora's explanation. He got most of the important details. And, knowing his big mouth and the way he'd acted back on the Islands, he was a little worried he'd mess something up for Sora. That would be bad.

So, Riku went to check on Namine.

He knocked first—he was getting into the habit of that, with her—even though it was his room, too. Leon had mentioned that they technically had _two _spare rooms, and he and Namine didn't _have _to share, and as much as Riku loved Namine, he was seriously considering it. She needed her space, lately, and maybe he could afford to have his, too. He just, hadn't gotten around to actually moving rooms, yet.

Anyway, he knocked on the door, and after it had been ten seconds without a response, he poked his head in. Namine was not drawing, like he'd sort of expected her to be. Instead, she was lying on her bed, back to the door. He would've assumed she was sleeping, except she sat up just enough to glance over her shoulder at him, before flopping back down. Maybe she'd _been _sleeping…? Somehow, he doubted it.

"Uh, hey," Riku cleared his throat, and stepped the rest of the way into the room. It was not how he'd meant to start this conversation, but he still ended up saying: "Are you okay?"

"Tired," she answered him. She sounded wide awake.

"Right, well…" Riku cleared his throat again, idly cracking his knuckles. A new habit he'd picked up. Better than others. Namine flinched a little at each crack, but, he couldn't just stop halfway through. "Sora showed up. If, uh, if you want to—"

"I heard, and, no. I don't wanna."

"Right." Riku nodded. "Right."

Of course she'd heard. They'd all been yelling, and even if her hearing was not as good as his, it was still above average. These walls weren't that thick, anyway. No amount of shouting could be contained by a closed door.

Riku opened his mouth, wanting to say more, to talk to her more, about anything, but he couldn't think of anything to say. Anything good to say, anyway. Darkness seemed to fizzle under his skin—it would be at least another ten minutes before it would calm down completely after what had happened on the Islands—and it reminded him of his mortality. The words _three weeks _hammered in his head. He wanted to talk to Namine about that, more than anything else, but…

No. He couldn't.

"I'll just, uh, get a few things," he said, "and then I'll…" He swallowed before he could finish. Saying _get out of your way _felt like it would just put a wedge between them, and that was the last thing he wanted. So, he just didn't say anything. Instead, he moved to the beaten up bookshelf behind him, at the foot of his bed.

The bookshelf was small, coming up to his waist. Each shelf was only big enough to hold ten books, _maybe _fifteen if they were thin, and the thing was missing a shelf and half its backing. It was a recent addition, salvaged from the ruins of someone else's house. It held the next couple of books Riku planned on reading, along with all the books he and Namine had grabbed to look through for Sora, and the notebook Riku was taking notes in. Outside of the stack of sketchbooks and pencil case on top of the dresser on the other side of the room, it was the only character this room seemed to have.

Riku considered the shelf a second, then grabbed the notebook and the book he was currently looking through for Sora, and after some quick deliberation, the novel he was in the middle of, as well.

"I guess I'll let you know when they're gone?" Riku said, turning back to Namine. She hadn't moved. "And then, um, maybe we could… do… something?" He wasn't sure what, exactly, but, something.

"Maybe. Thanks."

Riku swallowed, feeling very odd to leave it at that. He couldn't think of anything else to say, though. He tucked the books under his arm and headed back downstairs.

Everyone was too focused on Cid and Sora yelling at each other to notice him as he slipped away from the dining room and into the living room. Riku settled—quietly—on one of the couches, then sighed. Rather than open the research book, he opened the notebook instead, and started adding to the list of things he knew about Sora's Shadow—or, Kano. The list was the only thing in the notebook, because research had otherwise been a dud so far.

There wasn't much to add to the list when it came to their conversation on the Islands (it wasn't like Riku was going to write down _Kano loves Sora_), but there was plenty to add, if he just listened now. He could hear every word spoken in the dining room from here, and so without disrupting them, he could just take notes on what was being said, no problem. It was a good use of time, Riku thought. It wasn't like he'd have been able to focus on either of his books with all the noise, anyway.

He'd filled just over a page by the time they were done talking. Leon left to go deal with a Restoration thing, Cid trundled up to his room, and Yuffie plopped down on the other couch and started playing one of her video games. Sora and Kairi stayed in the dining room with Kairi's dad, carefully explaining to him just _what _a Shadow was. Riku read over his notes again, deciding whether or not he should write anything Sora and Kairi were currently saying down, but then Aerith was clearing her throat to get his attention.

"Here," she said, holding out a star shard to him. She did not force it into his hands. "Now you won't have to use dark corridors to get everywhere."

"Oh. Thanks," Riku said. He took it from her.

Aerith smiled and looked cautiously at him. "You know how to use it, right?"

"I got the general idea."

Riku set the star shard on the couch next to him. Aerith studied him a moment longer, and then she was nodding, and she kept smiling like nothing was wrong. Like nothing was wrong.

"That's good then," Aerith said. She sent him one last encouraging smile—he tried not to grimace at the sight of it—and then she headed off.

Riku swallowed hard. There'd been a tightness in her eyes. Something between worry and fear, and it was there almost every time she looked at him, lately. The words _three weeks _pounded in his head again. He tried to shake them out.

"Hey, Riku," Kairi said, tapping him on the shoulder. He jolted a little, glared at himself for a second, then looked up at Kairi. He made himself stop glaring murder, but he still sent a pretty annoyed look at her. "Sorry," she said. "My dad wanted a tour of the town. Wanna help me out? I have no idea where to go."

Riku stared at her for a moment, though he understood well enough that she was asking, _hey, please come with me, _without actually saying it. "Uh, sure," he said.

Kairi beamed. "Cool!" She turned and, in a voice thankfully suitable for indoors, called: "Sora, you coming?"

"I should really sweep up this sand for Aerith," Sora called back. "And also get my shoes probably."

Kairi rolled her eyes, and reached into her pocket. "I'll go—" she began, but Riku caught her by the hand. He let go the moment he had her attention.

"Actually, can I… talk to you?" he asked. "Alone, I guess." His heart beat in his throat. He felt a little queasy, but those words kept pounding in his head, and… "Please?"

Kairi studied him, then shrugged.

"Here, Sora, take my star shard," she said, heading to give it to him. "Dad, stay here a sec. Me and Riku shouldn't be long. If we do take too long, though, Sora, can you tell Namine? She said earlier she'd go with me on the tour, but…"

Riku closed his notebook and sighed. He understood Kairi's hesitance when it came to Namine. Maybe he should also talk to Kairi about—no, it could wait. Just a little. "Don't get your hopes up," he said, though.

"Yeah," Kairi agreed, with a heavy sigh of her own. She opened her mouth, then closed it, and shook her head a little. Clearly she'd decided against saying whatever it was. Instead, she said: "What was it you wanted to talk about?"

Riku piled his books on the coffee table and started moving for the door.

"C'mon."

He led her to a spot around the back of Aerith's house, though well away from the back door. Close enough to be found in an emergency, but not close enough they'd be overheard.

Kairi studied him with narrowed eyes once they arrived. She almost looked like she expected the worst. Maybe she was right to.

"Alright, spill it," Kairi said.

Riku swallowed. His heart felt like it was in his throat more now than ever. He made himself cough, to clear his throat, to make it easier to breathe. It kind of helped.

"Look, I, I'd talk to someone else about it," he said. "But, I just… I don't want to bug Namine, and I can't even _try _to talk to Aerith about it because she won't listen." Maybe this wasn't the best way to begin, but, he'd already started. "And, as much as Yuffie and Cid are family, they aren't, they're kind of lacking in the emotional support department…"

That left Leon, but… Well, it wasn't that he didn't _like _Leon. Leon was alright. But approaching Leon about anything wasn't as easy as approaching Aerith or Namine, and, since Kairi was here now, that seemed a lot easier.

"Okay, got it," Kairi said. She put her hands on her hips. "Are you gonna spill, or what?"

"Well…" Riku sighed. He just wished he knew she wouldn't take it too hard. "Listen, I know… I know that Even's working on it and stuff, but, that doesn't really change the fact that, I mean—I've only got three weeks. If this doesn't work out, I've- I've only got three weeks."

"You aren't going to die, Riku!" Kairi said, almost before he'd finished.

Riku chewed his tongue. Caught himself picking at one of the patches of dark suit embedded in his arm, stopped, squeezed it instead. He was glad she hadn't burst into tears or anything, or changed the subject, but this was almost as bad!

"Kairi, _please!_" he shouted. "I _know _that they've got time to figure it out, and I _know _that Even knows what he's doing and that chances of me _actually _dying are slim, or, whatever. _I know._" He glared at her, hard. Her expression softened a little. "I just want someone to actually _acknowledge _it might happen. I just want someone to talk to me about what happens if I _do._ Three weeks isn't that long, and you know it!"

Kairi licked her lips.

Slowly, she nodded.

A dread seemed to settle in the air around her, but that didn't change the fact that she had nodded. She was willing to listen. To give him straight answers. To just _talk _about it, and Riku was almost overjoyed.

"Are you talking, like, in a metaphysical 'is there an afterlife' sense?" Kairi asked, hugging herself. There was an unsteady laugh in her voice. "Because, I'm definitely not the person to ask about that sort of thing."

Riku forced himself to laugh with her, so that she would know he understood that as a joke. He did not think it was very funny, though. He did not think she did, either.

"No," Riku assured her. He had to pull his hand away from his arm to keep himself from picking. Clenching his fist in front of his chest wasn't really the same, though. "I just mean, like… afterwards. If I do. What… what will you guys do?" That's what he wanted to know more than anything else. "I just- I just wanna make sure everyone will be okay."

Tears welled up in his eyes. Kairi watched him, worry crinkling her face. Riku bit his lip to keep it from trembling, and then, once he was sure it would not tremble any more, he continued speaking:

"I… I know _you're _not, really, thrilled about the thought of me dying." Or, Kairi hadn't been too thrilled the last time the subject had come up, but, then they'd been talking about suicide, so, perhaps it was different. She raised her eyebrows and nodded slightly, though. Riku kept going. "And… I'm sure Namine'd never forgive herself." It was not her fault, but that didn't mean anything. "And- and _Aerith_—"

There was a catch in his throat. His heart stopped for a second. He grabbed at some of the skin on his arm and pulled, trying to distract himself from how hard it was to breathe. He had to keep going.

"She- she's finally able to live with herself after what happened to Zack. Wh- what if I? What if _I _die? What happens to her then?"

Kairi stared at him for a moment, eyes watering. Then she turned away, pressing a hand to her face.

Riku watched her, waiting. Waiting. He made himself let go of his arm. Shoved his hands in his pockets. He felt stupid doing it, felt stupid standing here holding a serious conversation with his hands _in his pockets, _but it was the only way he could think of to keep his fingers from his arms. Those spots really itched, and his skin still burned from where he'd pulled. He was going to really hurt himself if he wasn't careful, and the last thing he wanted was to explain bruises or broken skin to Aerith.

Finally, Kairi turned back to him. She balled her fists at her side. Her shoulders shook.

"I… I don't know, Riku," she said, like each word was an effort to form her tongue around. "I'm sorry. I don't know what to tell you. I don't know what…" She just shook her head, and kept shaking it.

"It's okay," Riku told her, maybe too quickly. He always did that. He just hated seeing his friends upset, especially because of him. He swallowed. "I'm… It's okay. Sorry I…" But maybe he shouldn't apologize for wanting to talk about this. "I mean, I just—I just wanted someone to acknowledge the fact that- that I _can _die, that this _might not _work out, instead- instead of pretending like everything's gonna be just fine."

"No one wants to think about that possibility, Riku," Kairi told him. Her voice was grim.

"I know." Riku nodded. His hands worked inside his pockets. "I know. I don't want to think about it either, really. But I…"

He _had _to think about. There was no avoiding it. He trusted Even, of course—at least, more than he trusted Vexen—but with even a _chance _he could die…

He had to think about it. He had to.

Kairi nodded. She understood, thankfully.

"Yeah…"

She licked her lips. Hugged herself again.

"If- if it doesn't… if you do…" Kairi worked for the words, but they wouldn't come out right. Rather than trying, rather than saying it, she just shook her head, and continued. "We'll all… miss you. A lot. A- and…"

She took a deep, shuddering breath.

"I just want to make sure everyone will be okay…" Riku said.

Kairi nodded again. Shrugged.

"I just, I can't really, speak, for anyone?" she said. "I mean, if- if you do, it…" She shrugged again, harde this time. "I don't really think that, any of us, would, _forever… _y'know…"

She couldn't seem to finish. Riku nodded at her, to show he understood what she was getting at.

If he did die, she didn't think they'd grieve him forever.

That was good to hear. He didn't want anyone's lives to come to a halt because he'd…

He cleared his throat.

"If, uh… if, I _do…_" He coughed. Grimaced. Looked at the ground instead of Kairi. It wasn't just her. He was having trouble saying it, too. "Can- can you look after Aerith, maybe? And- And Namine, for sure." Riku grimaced harder, but for different reasons now. He looked up at Kairi. "She's… been going through a lot, lately. Even without me, y'know, about to—she's having trouble. Namine is. After being Rewritten."

Surprisingly, Kairi nodded. "Right. Yeah. That… that makes sense."

Riku raised his eyebrows. Kairi waved the matter away with her hand. Her expression told him he wasn't going to get any more out of her if he asked.

So, instead of asking about that, Riku said:

"Though, I guess… I should ask—when it comes to Namine—if you could… look after her. Despite me… y'know."

Kairi nodded.

"Got it."

It felt like he should leave it at that—Kairi was definitely starting to look uncomfortable—but there was just one more thing he wanted to say. Just one more thing.

His voice trembled as he made his mouth form the words.

"Kairi, I've- I've never been this scared of dying before…!"

Tears burned hot in his eyes. He'd wipe them away, but he kept his fists clenched firmly in his pockets, instead, and let the tears fall. He figured Kairi'd get this, more than anyone, since she was the one who'd confronted him about suicide—not that he would've, of course! But she'd get this fear, inside him. She'd get it.

"I've… I've never—" Riku licked his lips. Tried again from a different angle. "Before I, I didn't really care much about it because it never really felt like I had, well, much to live for?" It felt weird to say, but he didn't stop. "But- but now. There's sooo much. There's _so _much, and I- I don't wanna… I don't wanna die." He could feel himself shaking. "_I don't wanna die!_"

"I don't want you to die, either!" Kairi told him. She was crying, too, and her voice was sharp enough to make Riku jump. She took a second, a sob of laughter, and then: "But… But Even says he's gonna fix it. Alright? He's got time. You're- You're not… There's time to fix you."

Riku let out a shuddering half-sob through a clenched jaw. Then he said the one thing that scared him more than anything else.

"Three weeks isn't that long."

Kairi nodded. She didn't even argue.

"Let's just hope it's enough."

Riku nodded back at her. He blew out the air from his lungs. Counted to ten. Then he reached up and wiped his eyes. Kairi started talking again.

"I- I think if another week goes by, though, and Even hasn't, like, figured anything out yet?" she said. He nodded, to show he was following. "I think you should talk to someone besides me. About this. Namine may be going through a lot, but I think she'd want to know. And, I don't know about Aerith, but, I mean…"

She did not, but Riku was sure she wanted to say _Aerith would want to know too._

"Yeah," he said. "I gotcha."

"Good!" Kairi smiled at him. She reached over and pushed his shoulder, playfully. "Hey, feelin' any better?"

Riku nodded again. He finished wiping his eyes, shoved his hand back into his pocket. "Yeah. Loads. Thanks."

"Sure. And, hey." Kairi looked at him very seriously. "You're _not _gonna die. Because, if you do, I'll kill Even. I will!" She punched her fist into her other hand a few times to emphasize her point.

Riku laughed a little.

He was touched, even if that was impractical, and, knew she probably wouldn't _actually _do it.

"Thanks, Kairi."

She grinned at him.

"Don't mention it!"

They headed back for Aerith's house.

"Hey, by the way," Kairi said, after only a few seconds. "Is, uh? Is Namine not wanting to fight at all connected to her, well, being Rewritten?"

Riku thought for a second, then nodded. Yeah. That would make the most sense. He hadn't really thought about it before now, but now that Kairi was asking, and he was considering what Namine had said this morning… "Yeah, pretty sure," he said.

Kairi nodded with him, then she stopped walking entirely. "Oh, _wait, _what the hell!" There was a fierce frustration in her voice. "I _knew _that!" She smacked her forehead, then scoffed with disgust at herself. "I mean, _honestly, _how different is 'I don't want to fight Heartless' from 'I hate conflict at all'? Geeze Louise!"

Riku stopped walking as well, since Kairi apparently wasn't going to start again.

"I can't believe myself!" she said. "I literally _cannot_. I shoulda known all this!" She threw her hands in the air, starting to pace as she raved. "Sora says he notices something's wrong with Namine, and I _knew _it's because she'd been Rewritten, but I just go and _forget _about it this morning? What is wrong with me!"

"Uh, Kairi," Riku began. He didn't know quite what to tell her, but, he should probably try to say something.

Kairi just shook her head. "No no, don't worry about it," she said. She sighed. "Not your fault, and not much I can do to fix it." She nodded forward. They both started walking again. "Guess I just forgot with everything that was going on with Sora." She rubbed her hands together, then looked at Riku expectantly. "How _is_ Namine doing…?"

"Well…" Riku shrugged. "She definitely hasn't taken being Rewritten well, that's for sure. I mean, obviously. She's." Riku bit his lip. "She's jumpy all the time, and…" Except, he didn't know how to put it into words. Just the sense he got around her, that she wasn't okay, though it was in much more than just how she moved (slower than normal) and how she spoke (less than normal). Instead, he went with: "And… she's mad at me because I don't really know, exactly, what she's going through so she thinks I can't help."

"That's bullcrap."

"Well, it's not like I _do _know how to help, though."

Kairi considered that, then considered Riku. Slowly, she nodded. They'd reached Aerith's front door by now, but they stayed outside, finishing their conversation.

"Good point," Kairi sighed. Sounded like she didn't have any bright ideas either. "Just… be there for her? Don't let her completely curl in on herself. I dunno. That's all I got."

"Alright." It was a start. "Should we make her come with us around town?" Riku asked. "I mean, if you think so, then alright, but we kind of had a fight this morning—" it wasn't, exactly, a fight. But, still. "—and I think she just wants her space?"

"Well, we'll see if Sora's gotten her to agree to come," Kairi answered. "If not, we'll leave her alone. I'll drop by tomorrow. When, uh, there's time. Sora's got training, and since there's only one star shard between us…"

"I can come get you, maybe?" Riku offered. "Since, I've got a star shard now…" He'd left it on the couch, though. Oops.

"Sounds good," Kairi agreed. Seeing that was the end of it, Riku opened the door.

Surprisingly, Namine was standing next to Sora and Kairi's dad at the dining room table. She wasn't looking at anyone, and her hands were clutched tightly in front of her, but, she was there. She cracked a small smile at the sight of Riku and Kairi. Riku smiled back.

"Oh, we ready to go?" Sora asked, once he saw them as well. He moved to join Riku and Kairi, Namine and Kairi's dad not far from behind him. Sora squinted as he got closer. "Whoa, hey, you two okay?"

Riku looked at Kairi for her lead. She just put on her widest smile. "What, yeah! We're fine!" she said. She laughed and stuck her tongue out at Sora. He stuck out his tongue back. Riku smiled, and Kairi's dad laughed, too. Namine didn't say anything, but, Riku thought he saw her smile…?

"You showin' us around town?" Kairi's dad asked, looking at Riku.

Riku nodded. "Yeah, I guess," he said. "One sec." He went and picked his star shard up off the couch, shoved it in his pocket. "Alright. I guess we're good to go?"

"Never pictured _you _as a tour-guide!" Yuffie called, from the couch.

"Aw, shut up," Riku told her.

She grinned toothily at him. He grinned back.

"Let's go! Let's go!" Kairi was already back out the door. "We don't got all day!"

Riku waved at Yuffie, told her they wouldn't be long—she could pass that on to Aerith—and then nodded for Sora and Namine and Kairi's dad to follow him outside.


	53. In which there is quiet and then yelling

**AN/ **You may want to reread chapter 18 of Nothing's Fair as a refresher for this.

* * *

Namine awoke the next morning to Riku shaking her gently. Except… it wasn't morning. Her internal clock told her it was almost 3 AM. It was a little hard to see Riku in this darkness, but her eyesight was better than a human's, so she could see the smile on his face, if not the brightness in his eyes.

"Hey," he whispered, once he saw he had her attention. "You up to going somewhere? I wanna show you something."

Namine blinked a few times at him. A part of her wanted to tell him no, that she'd rather sleep—not that she _needed _the sleep—but he sounded so _eager. _She sighed and sat up, nodding. "Alright. Sure. Do I need to get dressed?"

"Nah, I'm not. Not like we're going somewhere where there's people."

"Okay." She swung her feet out of bed. Riku grinned at her. "We gonna be gone all morning?" Namine asked. "I don't wanna worry Aerith."

Riku shook his head. "Should take an hour, tops, and I left her a note, just in case." He grabbed her by the hand, then grabbed the star shard Aerith had given him off his bookcase. "Ready?" He waited for her nod of approval, then activated it.

In hindsight, she should not have been surprised to see Destiny Islands.

"C'mon." Riku pulled her a little closer to the shoreline, then sat down. He stuck his feet out, so the waves lapped at his toes. Namine sat down as well, though she did not stick her feet in the water.

It was much brighter, here, than it had been in Hollow Bastion. It was later in the morning, though, and there was a glimmer of sunlight on the horizon. Just a glimmer. He'd brought her to see the sunrise. The thought made something warm swell in Namine's chest.

They sat there, waiting, neither of them saying a thing. That was something she and Riku were good at. Quietly enjoying each other's presence. After a couple minutes, Riku reached over and grabbed her hand, lacing his fingers through hers. She let him. Then, she did something she had not done in a long while. She leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder. He didn't say anything, just pressed his cheek to her hair for a moment, before straightening again.

"Any minute now," he whispered.

It was much longer than that by the time the sun was high enough to really see, but it was well worth it. The way the light sent pinks and streaks of gold across the water was absolutely breathtaking.

"Oh… it's _beautiful_!" Namine gasped.

"Isn't it?"

"I guess I understand why you started coming here every morning."

"Not every morning!" Riku protested. She could almost hear him grimace a second later. "Okay, well. It's… It's a great way to start the day…"

"I bet."

Namine shifted her weight against Riku, but didn't move. She kept her face turned out towards the ocean, eyes drinking in the sight before her, trying to take in every detail. She wanted to capture this moment, this feeling in her chest. She wanted to hold onto it forever.

"Thank you…"

**xxx**

Even leaned back in his chair, eye closed, breathing deeply and waiting. Hopefully, the program he'd written to translate Riku's Code—so they wouldn't have to keep doing it manually—looked like it was finished. Or, it would be soon. 7 was looking over it now, and Vexen still needed to recheck it, since Even had made changes since he'd last checked. But, they were coming along. Soon. It would be soon.

And, after Riku's Code was translated, then they just had to install the Darkness Protection Protocols. That might not fix _all _of his problems, but it would be a start. 7 was working on the rest, anyway, and if anyone could figure it out, 7 could, for sure. Even would leave him to it.

"Ah, Alpha, there you are!" 7 said. Even did not move, but he did raise his eyebrows. Alpha, _here, _of all places? "I was wondering if you could look over—Alpha?"

Even opened his eyes now, swiveling his chair towards the doorway. He turned just in time to see a glimpse of Alpha as he left. He let out a long breath. _That _was not surprising.

"Alpha, hey!" 7 called after him. "I just have a quick question! Surely you can't have something more important to—"

"I'll go deal with him," Even said, pushing himself to his feet. He had a feeling he knew what this was about, at any rate. It was always the same. He just wished Alpha would stop acting so _childish. _No, he may not have _really _been that much older than a child, when it came down to it, but Zexion—and Ienzo—had always been so mature, so it was a little exasperating to see one of his Replicas act this way.

"Alpha!" he called, once in the hallway.

"I don't want to talk to you," Alpha called back, turning the corner ahead.

Even sighed to himself, though he hadn't expected much different. He picked up his pace to follow. "Alpha, _please,_" Even said. And then, to make it sound like he had less personal reasons for chasing after Alpha, he added: "Listen, I've managed to be told from various people _what _all happened while I was gone, but each and every one of them suggested I should talk to you as well." He had to raise his voice for it to carry to Alpha, which he regretted terribly. "At the very least, I would like to—"

"I said, I don't want to talk to you!"

Even grimaced, then closed the distance between him and Alpha at a brisk pace—he would not run—so that he no longer had to yell. This was to save Alpha some embarrassment as much as anything else.

"Alpha, you are a grown man," he said, in a tone just short of scolding.

Alpha stopped walking entirely. He stood rigid for a moment, shoulders shaking, and then he rounded on Even. "And _you _are not my _father!_" he hissed.

Even blinked a few times, rather taken aback. He understood, though. This was not the first time they'd had this argument, this was just the first that Alpha had been so to the point with it. He started to speak, but then paused, reconsidering.

Alpha took his silence as an opening.

"Don't _think _I don't know what you tried to do," Alpha threatened. He took a step towards Even, pointing an accusing finger—his distress was clear in his wide eyes, if not in his carefully guarded tone. "Ienzo became Zexion, and Zexion left you in the dust for Xehanort, so you Replicated him in order to get your son back."

"That's _not_ true," Even said. He tried not to scowl or to sound too defensive. He didn't think he succeeded. Still, he had _not _made the Zexion Replicas to replace the real Zexion. Only a fool would try to do that.

"That's how you treated us!" Alpha argued. He was _shouting, _now. _Shouting. _What had happened to him? He'd always had a good control of his emotions before this whole Rebellion thing. And, there was an almost paranoid glint in his eyes that would not seem to go away. Even had not noticed sooner, but then, he had not had the chance to talk to Alpha before now.

"You treated _each of us _like we were Ienzo, like we were your _son!_" Alpha continued. His voice shook. "I am _not _your _son._"

"I… I know that, Alpha," Even said. It was an effort to keep his voice calm.

Alpha's eyes flared wider. "Stop _treating _me like it, then."

"I'm not trying to."

Alpha considered him for a moment, then nodded. He sighed, straightened. "Alright," he said. He watched Even as if he expected that wasn't the end of it, though. "Then, if you'll excuse me, _sir, _I have other things to do."

"Of course," Even told him. He did his best not to cringe at the contempt that _sir _had carried. He cleared his throat. "May… May I ask you one question, though?" He'd pieced together enough of what had happened in his absence to not _really _need to ask Alpha for any details, except regarding one question.

Alpha looked very much like he wanted to say no—and Even wouldn't blame him if he did—but he thankfully relented after a moment.

"Yes, sir?"

Even cleared his throat again. Just because he wanted to know the answer did not mean he was eager to ask the question. "I was… told what happened to all the other Zexions," he said. "That they were Deactivated. No one seems to know the hows or whys, though, except that you are the person to ask. Could you tell me… Alpha!?"

Alpha had seized as if struck. The cautious mask of emotions on Alpha's face shattered again, revealing despair. Alpha swallowed a few times to get his mouth working, and then he spoke. Even could not have possibly been prepared for what he said.

"I… I executed Emergency Protocol… uh, 3…"

Even staggered. He'd expected no good news, especially considering how shifty Amaryllis had been on the subject, but he had not expected this. He could not have expected this. Emergency Protocol 3? And _only _on the Zexions? Had… Had he even _given _the Emergency Protocol passwords to Alpha?

"You- You Deactivated them?" Even asked, when he had the air in his lungs to do so. Suddenly, Alpha's paranoid glances and overall lack of composure made sense.

Alpha only nodded. He appeared to be on the verge of tears, and put an arm against the wall next to him for support.

"Only… the Zexions?" Even did his best to keep his voice steady, to treat this as professionally as he could manage, though he much wanted to ask Alpha if he was alright, comfort him, do _something. _But he had told Alpha he wouldn't.

"I- I had to hack into the Program I had no passwords and I had to do them each one at a time," Alpha explained in a rush. "I in-intended to get around to everyone else, as well, maybe, but, but I—" He took a few breaths, but spoke no further.

Even's stomach bottomed out. One at a time.

One at a time.

Alpha's behavior _definitely _made sense now.

"You didn't _have _to…" Even began.

"I couldn't let Saix have them!" Alpha shouted, cutting him off. "I couldn't _bear _the thought of working for him, of letting him be in charge, and to think some of my brothers were _okay _with it!?" He was trembling, his face a contorted mess of emotions. "I know it wasn't my choice to make, and I know I shouldn't have, and I _know _that if I did it I should have at _least _had the _decency _to Deactivate myself with them!"

"Alpha! Don't you _dare _speak like that!"

Even could not say he approved of the actions or the decision, but there were plenty of things that had happened while he was gone he could not say he approved of. And, just because he did not approve did not mean he should take it out on Alpha, or let Alpha carry on like that! It wasn't _his _fault. It was none of their faults. Even was the one at fault, for not ensuring that there was a rigid enough structure in place to sustain the Program in the event of his death. Over one hundred lives, and he had managed to fail them all…

"But I _should have!_" Alpha argued, and he was still screaming. "I should have! It wasn't my choice to make. I had no _right _to Deactivate the rest of them. I don't _deserve _to—I… I shouldn't have done it. But I was _angry. _I- I was _scared._"

"Alpha…"

"Don't touch me!"

Even pulled his hand back before it reached Alpha, swallowing hard. Alpha had asked him not to, but he wanted to. He wanted to. He'd do anything to comfort Alpha—and perhaps Alpha was right, in a way. He had not made the Zexion Replicas to replace Ienzo, but he could not help to see him in them. He did not _mean _to treat them the same way he'd treat Ienzo, it was just second nature sometimes, and it was _hard _to see that face so distressed and not do anything about it.

"Couldn't we always… Reactivate them?" Even suggested, in an attempt to cheer Alpha up, a little. It didn't work.

"Yeah, if we could find their bodies," Alpha retorted. "I only know for certain where Delta's is, and—" He cut off, glaring hard. Strange, when he and Delta had been such good friends. Maybe something had happened…? It would be no surprise, amongst everything else.

Even swallowed. His next words were familiar ones. "You… You should be less hard on yourself, Alpha."

"Less hard on myself?" Alpha repeated, then he laughed, bitterly. Tears glistened in his eyes, and they made Even's chest ache. "Less _hard _on myself? I _killed _them…"

It was all Even could do not to grab Alpha and comfort him. It was all he could do.

"From what I understand, what happened when I was gone was nothing short of a war," he said, cautiously. Alpha may not want him to say it, but he'd be damned if he didn't do _something, _even if it was only as little as this. "Deaths are unavoidable, in a war."

Alpha just shook his head. "I didn't have the right…" he said, again. He sounded exhausted now.

"What's done is done," Even told him. You couldn't take your actions back so easily. You couldn't change the past. Surely, Alpha understood that.

Alpha only shrugged and headed off, rubbing at his head. Even let him go, though it was not easy. That was all he could have done, though, all he could have said. He just hoped it was enough.


	54. In which it's Sora's 1st day of training

**AN/ **I took a holiday break for the first time in 5 years of FtPverse, which is why I went absent for two+ weeks! Also, AGDQ was last week, and, well, it ate up a lot of my time. You should check it out, in my opinion! AGDQ is an event where they speedrun games for charity, and, well, watching games get broken with glitches in the name of speed is really interesting, and all the money goes to the good cause. It's super cool.

Oh yeah, in FtPverse news: I made a timeline detailing events specifically concerning the HB gang / FF crew before the Truth Hurts! I can't link to it here or on my profile, unfortunately, but there's a link to the full thing on the timeline page on the ftpverse blogspot (rarmastersftpverse on blogspot). You should check it out!

* * *

"Hey, you gonna stick around?" Sora asked, as he and Kairi made their way up the stairs to Yen Sid's study. Last time they were here, there'd been three sets of stairs, but this one looked completely different from any of those. Sora desperately hoped this was a shortcut. "Because, I mean, if Yen Sid fixes my star shard, then it's not like you _have_ to."

Kairi turned to him with a dropped jaw and a faked offended expression. Sora laughed a little. "What, you don't want me sticking around for your first day of _training_!?" she demanded. She was mostly—_mostly_—just teasing.

"I don't care!" Sora insisted, punching her lightly in the shoulder. "You can stick around if you want to—I just don't want you getting bored!"

"If it gets boring, then I'll just leave, duh!" Kairi said. She punched him back, much harder, but that was to be expected. "Otherwise, I'm sticking around, and no one can stop me!"

Sora turned to grin at her. "Not even Yen Sid?"

"_Especially _not Yen Sid…" Kairi replied. Her excitement trailed off at the end of the sentence, though, replaced with something that sounded like confusion. "Alright, Sora, why the _heck _do you keep staring at the ceiling?" she demanded.

Sora jumped, surprised, and quickly stopped, dropping his gaze back to the stairs in front of him. He grimaced. He hadn't even realized he'd been doing it until Kairi'd mentioned. Weird.

"Must've been Kano," he told Kairi.

"And why was _he _looking at the ceiling!?"

Sora shrugged, sent her a sheepish smile. "Dunno," he said. Then he figured he could always _ask _Kano. He looked over a little to his right, away from Kairi, though he carefully didn't look over the very-small banister. He doubted falling here would actually lead to harm, since this place was magic and all, but he still didn't want to think about the drop. _Hey, Kano, why were you looking at the ceiling? _he asked.

'_No reason,' _was the tense reply.

Sora scowled. He knew better than that.

Rather than ask Kano again—because he wasn't going to get an answer if he did—Sora just took a few moments to dig through Kano's thoughts. Forget it being an invasion of privacy, this was important. It didn't take him long to find the explanation, and when he did have it, his jaw dropped. He stopped walking.

"Are- are you _serious_?" he asked, aloud, a little too surprised to speak silently. He pointed at the ceiling, at the spot Kano had kept staring at. "Right _there?_"

Kano growled. '_No, Sora, I was just staring there because I liked the color of the ceiling—of COURSE right there! Obviously.'_

Sora deemed not to say anything about Kano's bitterness, or his sarcasm. He was too busy laughing in disbelief, anyway.

"What?" Kairi asked, starting to sound frustrated. She always did when Sora and Kano left her out of a conversation, so, frequently. Sora wondered why she wasn't used to it by now, and Kano wondered the same, though with much more annoyance than Sora did. "_What's _right there!?" Kairi demanded, squinting between Sora and where he was pointing.

"Ven," Sora answered. "Ven's _right there!_" He laughed again. This was ridiculous! And, uh, maybe a little creepy if he thought about it too much—but otherwise, it was kind of cool? "I'm pointing _right _at him. I mean, obviously, he's a couple floors up, but—"

Kairi gaped at him. "Are you _kidding _me!?"

"No!"

"_How_?"

Sora kept laughing. Kano bubbled with irritation.

"Kano can feel him," Sora explained, lowering his hand. He kept his eyes fixed on the spot, though. "And, I mean, I can too, now that I'm _trying. _Guess it has something to do with him being in my heart for seven years? Oh, but, then again…" He frowned a little, as he considered this. He still didn't really understand it. "There's something else going on between Ven and Kano, I think?"

'_Me being able to feel where he is has absolutely NOTHING to do with that!' _Kano protested, fruitlessly, because Sora didn't pay him any attention.

"Something about, uh, Vanitas," Sora said, as he started walking again. A dread beat inside him as he continued, which he now knew not only belonged to Kano, but was also directly related to them getting closer to Ven. Yeah, there was _definitely _something going on between them.

'_I'm NOT Vanitas!' _Kano said, so suddenly and so fiercely that Sora jolted nearly out of his skin. If Kano's adamancy was not enough to startle him, then the rage suddenly beating in his chest was. He pressed a hand to his chest and carefully took deep breaths.

"Sora?" Kairi asked.

"It's fine," he told her, hurriedly. He pulled his hand away from his chest to keep her from worrying any more. _Who- who said you WERE!? _he asked Kano.

'_VEN did!'_

That didn't help!

_ When- when did Ven say anything about_—

'_We met in your heart a while back,' _Kano explained. He was bristling. '_And he kept calling me Vanitas and I'm NOT.'_

Sora turned that over in his mind a few times. If he dug enough, he thought he could see some of Kano's memories of that meeting—but they were harder to see than most of Kano's memories, and there seemed to be some fuzzy and angry feeling attached to them. Kano's distaste for the meeting, probably? Sora wasn't sure, and, there were other things to worry about.

_Why… why would Ven think you were? _he asked.

'_Hell if I know!' _Kano said. Sora could just see him pout, and picturing that didn't help Kano's mood at all. '_Something about us looking the same? Whatever! I'm not—'_

_ I got it._

Sora knew Kano well enough to know that there was more to the explanation than that, he just wasn't eager to give it.

"Are you two done having your conversation?" Kairi asked, keeping Sora from trying to press Kano into telling him anything more. "What's going on with this Vanitas guy, and why does the mention of him make your face look like that?" To tease, though it was clear she was still angry, she pointed at Sora's face.

He tried not to scowl in reply, since it'd only prove her point. "Kano," he said, which, technically, was a good explanation for both things. Still, he relayed the rest of what was going on to her. "But, uh, Ven said Vanitas and Kano look the same and Ven may apparently think they're the same person. That's what I'm getting from Kano, anyway."

It was getting harder to make his feet move forward, he realized. Kano _really _didn't want to have to be around Ven right now, or, ever, from the feel of it. Sora caught himself glaring at the ceiling, too, which now was more like glaring at the wall in front of him, since they were coming level with the floor Ven was on. They really _were_ getting close.

"_So_?" Kairi said. "I mean, I don't know anything about whoever Vanitas is or a lot about Shadows but, Kano looks like _you, _doesn't he?"

Sora nodded. "Basically."

"Well, if Kano also looks like Vanitas, then I guess that means Vanitas looks like you?" Kairi continued. She didn't sound too confident in herself, but Sora followed well enough. "That only proves they're connected to _you, _not each other, right? And, besides! I think Riku'd fight you on the whole 'same person because they're identical' thing."

She laughed at that, eyes gleaming. Sora laughed back. Riku'd definitely fight someone over that—and, had, probably, at one point. Kano didn't laugh along with them, but Sora didn't think he got it. And, they were getting _really _close to Ven.

"Also, oh my gosh? What about _Roxas_?" Kairi said, laughing even harder. "Ven can't say Kano and Vanitas are the same just because they look alike! He's _met _Roxas. He _knows—"_

"It was more than just that they looked the same," Sora interrupted. Though, he agreed. "I don't know _all _of Ven's reasoning, but…" He did know one thing, one thing that was really hard to forget. _I think I know where the other half of my heart is, _Ven had said. That sobered Sora's laughter easily. "He, uh, he seemed pretty sure he could _feel _Vanitas, like, inside me?" he said. "I dunno, and, hey, we're here."

There were still ten steps between them and the door, but that was close enough for Sora. Kano's distaste for this conversation was making it hard for him to want to continue it. Maybe they'd try later, when they were well away from—_no. _He wasn't going to let himself think like that. Kano could hate Ven and dislike being around him all he wanted. Sora refused to let it rub off on him. Ven was a nice guy.

Kano glared through the wall to where Ven was standing for a moment. '_Look, if you need me, yell really loudly or something,' _he said. '_Maybe I'll answer. Maybe. But, as long as you're around Ven, don't count on it.' _That said, he cut off connection with Sora. Probably for the best.

_I'll let you know when we've left, _Sora told him, even if he couldn't hear now. He eyed the large door in front of him. "Do we knock?" he asked Kairi.

"Who cares!" she replied. She pushed it open with probably more force than necessary.

Yen Sid was, per usual, sitting at his desk. It looked like he and Aqua (who was standing in front of his desk) had been discussing something, but they stopped the moment Kairi opened the door. Ven stood over to the side of the room, on the right. He offered Sora a half-wave and an uneasy smile. Sora returned them. Kano, predictably, stayed silent.

Just as Kairi'd pushed the door open with more enthusiasm than necessary, she greeted everyone with more enthusiasm than necessary, as well. "Hi!" she said, waving at everyone. Why did she look so smug? Did she count her being here as some kind of victory? It sounded just Kairi enough to be right.

"Uh, hi," Sora echoed, less enthusiastically. "Sorry if I'm late. We didn't really set a time, and time passes differently between worlds anyway, so I just came over as soon as I was done with breakfast." He wasn't sure if Yen Sid's eyes were narrowed because he disapproved, or because he just… always looked like that. At least Aqua didn't look too upset. Sora scratched his neck. "And, uh, before we do anything else, I think my star shard broke?" He pulled it out of his pocket, and moved to offer it to Yen Sid. "I was hoping you could look at it…"

"_Can _those things break?" Ven asked, inching closer to Yen Sid's desk himself. He started to squeeze himself in between Sora and Aqua, but Aqua pushed him back for getting in her line of sight, so he settled on the other side of her, instead. Sora tried not to be relieved. It was Kano who should feel that way, not him, and he couldn't feel anything Kano was feeling now, _so _he shouldn't be relieved.

"Well, Sora's won't take him anywhere anymore," Kairi said, pulling Sora out of his roundabout thoughts. "That sounds pretty broken to me."

"How odd," Yen Sid said, slowly. He took the star shard from Sora, his eyebrows more deeply narrowed than ever. "Ventus is right. They should not break."

"Is he just using it wrong?" Aqua asked, leaning closer to watch Yen Sid as he began fiddling with the star shard. She looked like she was trying to drink in every detail about how Yen Sid examined it, so that she might repeat the actions at a later point.

Sora tried not to glare at her for her question, seeing as she was supposed to be his teacher and all. "I was using it how I always use it," he said. "It just wouldn't activate no matter what I did!"

Kairi joined the rest of them as they crowded around Yen Sid's desk, all watching avidly as he studied Sora's star shard. Yen Sid turned the star shard over in his hands a few times, then held it up to his eyes, squinting hard at it. After a bit of mumbling, he placed it on his desk, and let out a long sigh. He looked at Sora very seriously.

"It is not broken," he announced.

Sora refrained from asking how Yen Sid could tell that just by _looking _at it, because, maybe Yen Sid _could _tell just by looking. It wasn't like Sora _perfectly _understood how magic worked. Honestly, he hardly understood magic at all. "What do you mean it's not broken?" he asked, though. He frowned.

"It is not broken," Yen Sid repeated. He handed the star shard back to Sora.

"If you'd like to try it out to be sure, I wouldn't mind," Aqua said. "Your training can wait another minute or so."

Sora blinked at her in surprise, then nodded. "Oh! Yeah, thanks. Just one sec." Trying it out would be a good idea. Maybe it had just malfunctioned yesterday. He backed away from everyone and waved at Kairi, who waved back. Sora looked down at the star shard, then thought of the play island, and—

It worked. The familiar tug pulled him out of Yen Sid's study, dragged him through the sky, then dropped him onto the shores of the play island. Sora stared around himself, almost not believing it. That was good, though! And weird. Why _hadn't _his star shard worked yesterday?

He shook the thought out of his head, because there was no point dwelling when he wasn't going to find an answer. To be safe, and determine that this wasn't a problem like he just couldn't star-shard to Hollow Bastion, he pictured the outside of Aerith's house and activated his star shard—

Again, it worked. He landed just outside her garden without effort.

"SWEET!" he shouted, doing a little dance. Then he remembered where he was. Hopefully no one inside Aerith's had heard him. He hastily activated his star shard again and headed back to Yen Sid's, aiming for a spot to the side of the room that hopefully no one else was occupying. He landed rather unceremoniously, and thankfully, _not _on anyone's head.

"It works fine!" he announced, as he straightened himself out and pocketed the star shard. He walked back towards Yen Sid's desk. "Weird… I wonder what happened yesterday…"

Kairi was the first to respond, with a shrug and a bitter smile. "Do you think it was the spell?" she asked. "Maybe it went 'oh! Sora's gonna do something with his parents! Better make it so he _can't!_'" She laughed, a sound just as bitter as her smile. Sora laughed with her, in a similarly bitter tone. This whole situation sucked, but it was kind of funny when she put it that way.

"What spell?" Aqua asked, frowning between Sora and Kairi.

"We think there's a spell on our island," Kairi answered automatically. Sora let her. She was better at explaining it, anyway. "I mean, we aren't _completely _sure there's one, but, like… It's almost impossible to convince anyone that other worlds are a thing, and people start forgetting you exist if you're away long enough? It's weird. And annoying."

"I know there are World barriers and all, but, that's not normal, is it?" Ven asked.

"No, it is not normal," Yen Sid agreed, with a long sigh.

"Hey, didn't you say you'd look at it?" Kairi asked, leaning a little towards Yen Sid. She fixed him with the stare she used to break her father down into letting her have her way. Sora tried not groan.

Aqua cleared her throat uncomfortably. "Well, is now really the time…?" she asked. "I mean, Sora and I do have to start training _eventually_."

"Yeah, but, me 'n him—" Kairi jerked a thumb at Yen Sid. Sora cringed. "—could always go check it out while you and Sora stay here and train."

"I suppose we could do that," Yen Sid agreed, very slowly.

Sora raised his eyebrows, surprised. He was actually saying yes? Sora may not have known Yen Sid for long, but this seemed unlike him. Even Kairi was startled, though wide eyes quickly became a smug smile. Sora hastily grabbed for Ven and pulled him aside a few paces.

"Hey, Sora, what's—"

"Can you _please _go with Kairi and make sure she's not too rude to Yen Sid?" Sora said, as quietly as he could while still being heard. Aqua sent a worried glance over her shoulder at them regardless. Sora bit his tongue. He wouldn't ask if he didn't have to, but he _really_ didn't trust Kairi alone with Yen Sid. Ven fixed him with a look that was either confusion or discomfort. "_Please," _Sora begged.

Ven sighed a little, but nodded.

"Yeah, alright," he agreed. He tugged at his ear. "I'll do my best."

Sora smiled gratefully. "Thanks."

Kairi sent him a look like she knew what he was up to, but she didn't say anything. She and Ven and Yen Sid all left shortly after that—Yen Sid used his magic to teleport them, leaving Aqua and Sora behind. Sora considered, for a moment, pulling Kano out of wherever he was, but decided against it. Ven might have been gone for now, but he'd be back eventually, and Sora didn't think Kano was that fond of Aqua either.

"So… we gonna get started?" Sora asked, looking over to Aqua. She hadn't said anything yet. She just stood there, looking _kind of _at him, but more to his left, playing absentmindedly with her fingers. "Aqua?"

She turned to him abruptly, as if startled out of her thoughts. "Um! I… I'm sorry," she said.

Sora blinked.

"Is… is something wrong?"

Aqua hesitated a moment, then firmly shook her head. She put on a smile. Sora tried not to look too skeptical, but, he knew a forced smile when he saw one. "No, I'm fine," Aqua assured him.

Sora studied her for a second more. Then his smile drooped. He had a feeling he knew what this was about.

"You don't want to train me, do you?" he asked.

Aqua looked shocked he'd suggest such a thing. That was reassuring. "What?" she said, then realization seemed to it her. She closed her eyes for a second, and sighed. "Oh, _no _Sora, that's not it at all. I don't mind training you! I just…" Her face scrunched up and her voice got a little quieter. "I don't think I'll be very good at it."

_Oh! _That was another matter entirely.

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, it's not like I've ever had any other training," Sora said. "So, I won't be able tell. I don't have anyone to compare you to!" He put on his most winning grin, and Aqua laughed slightly. Sora continued, a little more seriously: "And… I'm really excited about this, by the way. I… I think it'd be really cool to be a Keyblade Master someday."

"Well... in that case…" Aqua smiled at him, and kept smiling. It was good to see. "I'd be honored to train you," she said, giving him a partial bow. Her smile and the tone of her voice made Sora pretty sure she was just teasing, but, he bowed back, playing along. Aqua stifled a giggle.

Sora straightened, bouncing in his excitement. "Ok!" he said. "Where do we start?"

**xxx**

"_We'll start with a spar, so I can figure out how much you know," _she'd told Sora. He'd seemed perhaps a little _too _enthusiastic about the idea, but in reality, it'd just reminded her of Ven, so she didn't mind so much.

Aqua lead the way out of the tower, seeing as they couldn't spar _inside _it. Well, Master Yen Sid _probably _had a place somewhere suitable for sparring and training, but since he wasn't here, she couldn't ask, and she didn't dare try looking herself. She had no idea how the magic of his tower worked. Outside was fine, anyway. There was enough room, and she quite enjoyed the perpetual view of the stars. Maybe not as much as _Ven _did, but…

She positioned herself at roughly the center of the area they had, summoning her Keyblade. "Alright," she told Sora, as he summoned his own Keyblade and dropped into his stance. A solid stance, from the looks of it. That was good. She nodded at him. "Go ahead."

Sora stared a second, as if surprised, but then nodded. He rushed at her, swinging. Aqua sidestepped, brought her Keyblade up to block as he twisted to follow her as she moved. He jumped back.

Aqua nodded to herself. There was a good strength in his blow, but he was definitely putting too much focus in his arms, and not enough in the rest of his body.

"Don't stop!" she called, as he hesitated before attacking again. He nodded back, gritting his teeth with determination. He ran at her.

His choice of attack this time was a combo—downward strike, horizontal, diagonal, horizontal again, this time with a spin. Well executed, Aqua noted, but his footwork was pretty shoddy. She supposed she shouldn't expect anything more, since he'd had no formal training.

She stayed on the defensive for a while, letting him strike her. He was doing really good for someone who'd taught himself, but there was room for improvement in a lot of areas. He was able to get his Keyblade to the right places at the right time with no problem, but he didn't give much thought to his feet. If this had been real training, and not an assessment, Aqua would've pushed him down a good four times now, just to prove how bad his footwork was.

His magic was good, though. Not as powerful as it could've been, but he seemed to have a good control of it. That was all she could hope for. More than anything, she anticipated being bad at teaching magic. It was hard to teach something that you didn't even have to think about before doing. Not having to lecture him in magic control was a blessing.

"Good!" Aqua said, shifting her weight, preparing to launch at Sora. "Let's see how you block!"

She switched to the offensive, running at him with a quick string of blows. He blocked them all fine—she just had to back off before he tripped over his own feet. Proving a point wasn't her focus, right now.

She went at him again, this time striking once, backing off, striking again from a different angle, from a different side, quite a few times. He blocked these ones as well—but, it was his footwork that was the problem, and he didn't have to do much moving to block an attack like this. He even went as far to sneak in attack at the end, which would have hit, but Aqua threw up her barrier, sending the both of them skidding away from each other.

Aqua blinked a few times, grimacing to herself. She probably should've let him hit. She'd only thrown up the barrier because her reflexes had kicked in. She thought about apologizing, except Sora didn't even seem to realize there was a problem. Aqua cartwheeled backwards instead, and then sent a quick round of magic at him.

He blocked the Blizzard. Rolled out of the way of the Fira. Out of habit, Aqua followed up with a Thundaga, which should've hit while he was mid-roll. He managed to toss up a Reflect before it did, though.

"Good," Aqua said, a little stunned. Had he gotten lucky, or were his reflexes good enough to pull that off regularly? Either way, she wouldn't complain. "Good!" she repeated. "I think… I think I've seen all I need to."

Sora raised his eyebrows, like he was surprised, but he relaxed anyway. "Really?" he asked.

"Yeah." Aqua nodded. "Your magic is good, and overall you're doing okay, but you put too much weight in your arms, and your footwork…" She paused a second, making a face, then continued in a tone that would certainly convey she was largely just teasing: "Well, it's atrocious."

Sora grimaced. "Is it?"

Aqua nodded again, then raised her Keyblade. "Here. Come at me again."

Sora shrugged, but ran at her, as told. He started with the same attack he did last time, which Aqua easily sidestepped again. This time instead of blocking, she attacked. He stumbled in his attempt to get away from her. She reached out with her free hand and pushed him in the chest, sending him toppling to the ground—just like Master Eraqus would've done to her.

"If you'd had a wider stance when you first attacked me, you wouldn't have been so unsteady," Aqua explained, as she looked down at him. "And you hardly seem to know what to do with your feet when you're dodging at close-quarters. It might work on Heartless, but…"

"Not on someone who actually knows what they're doing," Sora finished. "Got it." He pushed himself to his feet.

"Good," Aqua said, even though it didn't feel like the right thing to say. "Um, I guess we'll start working on forms now."

Sora nodded with something close to enthusiasm, and Aqua tried not to laugh. Forms were important, of course, but she doubted Sora would be so thrilled with them in about an hour. They set to work.


	55. In which Kairi is not that kind

Magical teleportation was actually a pretty nice way to travel, Kairi decided. It was like you didn't move at all—you stood still, and the world moved instead. The colors of Yen Sid's study all melted, swirled around, then reformed in the shape of Destiny Islands. The play island, Kairi realized, after just a second or so. She wondered Yen Sid knew to come _here_, versus anywhere else on the Islands. _She_ definitely hadn't told him, and Sora'd been too busy getting Ven to promise to look after her. Ha! Like he'd needed to.

She sent a sideways glance at Ven, who quickly looked away from her, tugging at his ear. The motion of turning away from her brought his attention to the ocean, though, and Kairi watched with a smug little smile as he stopped dead, hand falling from his ear. She couldn't see his face, but she could imagine the slack jaw and wide eyes.

"Never seen the ocean before?" Kairi asked, sauntering over to him. She folded her arms over her chest, and nudged his shoulder with hers—he was about her height. He staggered a step, and looked at her, a little surprised. Then he shook his head.

"Oh, no, I mean- yeah. I have. Neverland just looks a lot different, though… the beach isn't quite like this." Ven scratched the back of his neck. "It's nice here," he said.

"Nice living here," Kairi said.

Ven laughed, flashed her a quick grin. "I bet!" His grin looked a lot different than Sora's, but the way he did it still reminded her of him. Kairi sighed, then looked over her shoulder at Yen Sid.

He was frowning in the direction of the main island, humming deeply to himself. He seemed to do that a lot when he was thinking. Kairi headed over to him with a little less swagger, Ven quick on her heels. Kairi rolled her eyes.

"What's the verdict?" she asked Yen Sid. She thought about being rude just to spite Sora—payback for getting Ven to 'keep an eye on her', rather than just asking her to be nice—but figured that would cause too many problems and probably wasn't worth it.

"I am not sure…" Yen Sid said, slowly. His attention did not move from wherever he was staring. "There is another spell here that is quite distracting. Perhaps we should look at it, first."

Kairi shrugged. "Sure," she said. Like she had any clue which would be better. Yen Sid was the expert here, at least on magic.

"Sounds good!" Ven echoed. "How we getting there?"

"I will teleport us over there—it is much too far to walk, and I do not see a boat to cross the channel, either…"

Kairi shook her head, confirming that there wasn't a boat. There might still be an emergency boat on the play island somewhere, maybe, but she couldn't remember where, and why bother when they could just teleport?

Yen Sid waved his hand through the air, and the teleportation spell took just like it did the first time. The melting and swirling of colors was less dramatic, since it was all the colors of the same world, but the sight they were greeted with when everything settled made Kairi's jaw drop.

"Uh, this is Sora's house?" she said, voice squeaking a little.

She almost wished she was mistaken, and this wasn't Sora's house—except, she wasn't mistaken. She couldn't be. Sora's house always looked like this. Small and square and two stories, like every other house on Destiny Islands. The white paint was old and dull, chipped in various places; most noticeably, around Sora's window, which were actually marks from rocks Kairi'd thrown, and not natural chips. Sora's window was on the front of the house, right above the door, and was currently wide open, so Kairi could see inside. The grass around the beaten dirt path up to the door was neat, if getting a little long, and the bush pressed against the front wall by the door looked like it always did this time of year: like it was dying. A few months from now, it'd get a second wind.

Kairi stared at the house for a second longer, then rounded on Yen Sid, demanding: "Why are we _here? _Is that spell- that spell you said you felt—it's _here_?"

Yen Sid nodded in that slow way of his. "Indeed. We are standing right in the middle of it."

Kairi swallowed. Okay, fine, she'd get answers on the spell in a moment. More importantly—she mentally ran through Sora's parents' schedules. Sora's dad was working, because he only ever had Sundays off. Sora's mom was… probably just sitting inside the house. Mondays were usually completely free for her.

"Um, I think Sora's mom his home, by the way," Kairi informed Yen Sid and Ven. "Do I need to go distract her while you check this spell out? I can, but you'll have to make it quick."

Yen Sid seemed completely unperturbed. "That will be unnecessary," he said. "I have already cast a perception spell on us—so long as we don't cause a ruckus, no one will even notice we are here."

"Oh." Kairi blinked a few times. That was good, of course, but she still glared. "Coulda told me that," she grumbled, then louder, added: "Well, don't cause any trouble, then. Being noticed by her is the _last _thing we need."

"I thought you _wanted _to convince Sora's parents about magic and stuff," Ven argued, as Yen Sid started moving his hands through the air as if feeling for something. Kairi kept one eye on him, and one eye on Ven.

"Yeah, we do," she said, rolling her eyes. "But, with our luck," _and our reputation, _she added, silently, "Sora's mom's just gonna think it's some elaborate prank. I _really _don't want to have to deal with that!"

Ven held up his hands in surrender. "Ok, fair. I didn't know!"

Yen Sid suddenly started walking. Kairi sent him a hasty look, then looked to Ven, who shrugged. Kairi decided she'd rather not let a wizard—respectable or no—just wander her islands to his heart's content, so she trotted after him. Ven followed, but that was to be expected.

Yen Sid ended up only walking in a large circle around Sora's house. He muttered to himself the whole time, and kept moving a hand through the air like feeling for something. When they reached the spot they'd started at, Yen Sid nodded to himself.

"Okay," Kairi said. She raised her eyebrows at Yen Sid. "You got anything?"

Ven shot her a warning look. Kairi rolled her eyes and bit her lip to stifle a bark of laughter. Yen Sid didn't comment, which Kairi counted as a victory.

Yen Sid thought it over, then at length, said: "I believe I have just discovered what was wrong with Sora's star shard. Or, rather, what was _not_ wrong with it… The spell here, around—you said this was Sora's house, didn't you?" Yen Sid looked to Kairi. Kairi nodded. Yen Sid lowered his head, running a hand through his beard. "Troubling. Very troubling."

"What's the spell?" Ven asked. "And, why is it troubling?" Kairi considered giving _him _grief, except, that was perfectly not-rude question. She decided to glare over the fact he'd asked it before she could, instead.

"I cannot be completely sure without further study," Yen Sid said. "But it seems this spell is… _blocking _star shard travel, I suppose we shall say." Yen Sid cast a dubious glare around the area. "Kairi, you have a star shard, do you not? Perhaps you should test it. Stand there."

Kairi shrugged and did as told, though she tried to make it look like she wasn't in a _hurry _about it, or anything. Activating her star shard provided… Nothing.

It didn't work, at all.

Yen Sid nodded, looking entirely unsurprised by this outcome.

"I thought so."

"Well, you gonna do something about it?" Kairi asked, pocketing her star shard. "We can't just _leave _it here."

Ven shot her a glare like death, and for once, Yen Sid actually looked a little ruffled by her attitude. He didn't answer right away, though. Instead, Yen Sid turned and frowned at the air, running a hand through his beard, then through the air, again like he was feeling for something. Was he feeling for the _spell? _Kairi'd never seen magic done like this before. (Admittedly, she'd never seen any non-combat magic done, but that was beside the point.)

"It is a very complex spell," Yen Sid said, finally. He seemed to sigh. "I could probably have it taken down by sundown, _however_…" He turned back to Kairi, his perpetual scowl a little deeper than normal. "Considering its strength, and its nature, I believe it is safe to assume whoever put this spell up will notice when it is no longer active. They might even decide to put up a stronger one. Sora will just have to star shard from another location," he declared, as if that settled it.

Kairi wasn't completely convinced it did, but, how could she argue? "Okay," she said. She scrunched up her face as she thought about it a little more. "Who'd put a spell like this here, though?"

Ven cleared his throat. "Do… do you think Xehanort did…?" he asked, cautiously.

"I think it would be unwise to assume he did not," Yen Sid admitted.

Kairi's face wet slack. Worry crept down her spine. Xehanort was a name that came up often enough, but he was distant, there in the _sure he exists and we'll have to fight him _way but, not close. Not really real.

But now he was putting a star-shard blocking spell around Sora's house.

Kairi swallowed hard. She felt like she'd been violated—like her _home _had been violated. This was not her house, not her first home, but it was easily her second. And these islands were hers. And Sora was hers. She wished she knew enough magic to tear it down herself. Maybe Yen Sid was right, but it made her skin crawl to just _leave _it here!

Then she noticed Ven watching her carefully—he sent her a reassuring smile when he saw she was looking. She bit her lip and glared. Then she took a deep breath. She would not look worried. Not in front of him.

"Well, we'll have to warn Sora," she said, faking a confidence that kept her voice from shaking. She was always good at that, no matter how scared she was or how deep the pit in her stomach. It was handy, especially now.

"Certainly," Yen Sid agreed, with no hesitation. "And, now that I have seen this, I believe it is best if we go back to where we started. I will try and decipher the other spell that rests on this world from there. Come." He waved his hands, and the world shifted until it took shape of the play island.

Yen Sid stepped away a few paces, and started running his hands through the air again, just like he had before. This must be how he did magic. Kairi left him to the mumbling and hand waving. There was no point in watching, and pestering him with questions would probably just slow him down. Kairi started considering the best way to shove Ven into the ocean, instead, because that was the best way to really make new friends, in her opinion. Plus, it would totally get him back for agreeing to spy on her for Sora.

So, should she try the classic shove from behind? Go for something a little more… risky? A tackle might work, but this far away from the water, her options were pretty limited…

She was pulled out of her thoughts by Riku's arrival via star shard. What was _he _doing here? And, why did he look so surprised…?

"Oh," he said, vaguely.

Yen Sid looked over his shoulder, but once he saw it was Riku, simply went back to his work. Ven sent Riku a questioning look. Kairi raised her eyebrows at him.

"Um." Riku cleared his throat. "I came to, y'know, pick you up. Like we'd planned? But, if now's not a good time…" He sent a glance over at Yen Sid. Kairi sighed.

She'd forgotten entirely about the plans she and Riku had made, yesterday. He was supposed to come get her and bring her to Hollow Bastion, so she could spend time with Namine. She'd been so wrapped up in the idea of Sora's training, and then busy with getting Yen Sid here—she'd completely forgotten. She felt awful.

"No, it's not, sorry," Kairi said, grimacing hard. She hated to have to say this, but… "I'm not really comfortable with leaving—" she nodded at Yen Sid "—alone here. So, unless you wanna go get Namine and drag her here…"

She trailed off, though. It didn't seem like the best idea to her, but, if Riku thought it was okay, then…

"You could always go, and I could—" Ven began, but stopped at just a glance from Kairi. He held up his hands and backed way, to give her and Riku space for the conversation.

Riku shook his head at Kairi, ignoring Ven. "Nah, I don't think that'd, well, be good," he said, sighing.

"I'm really sorry," Kairi said, and she meant it. She felt horrible right now. Namine could use the company, the distraction. "If this wasn't so important… How about tomorrow?"

Riku shook his head again, raking a hand through his hair.

"I'll be at C.O. for most of tomorrow," he said. He didn't look _or _sound happy about that idea. "Even's gotta check my data, give a progress report, etcetera." Kairi tried not to think about the bags under his eyes.

"Oh." Kairi frowned. That put a damper on things. She chewed at her lip for a few seconds. "What about Namine?" she asked. "Will she go with you?"

Riku shrugged. "Umm, probably not."

"Then I could just go visit her," Kairi suggested. "Sora's star shard isn't actually broken, so, I'm free to. Me 'n Namine can hang out, um, without you." That'd kind of been her plan all along, actually. Had Riku known that? If not, then, uh… oops.

"Well, that's up to you," Riku told her, with a slow shrug. He turned his star shard over in his hands. "I should probably get going, though."

Kairi nodded at him. "Yeah, of course!" She hesitated a moment, then added: "Here's to good news tomorrow!"

Riku nodded back. "Yeah, definitely."

"And, y'know… let me know. The news. Any news."

She'd hope for good news, of course, but there was no sense in not hearing bad news, either. The way Riku grinned was a thousand times worth the comment, anyway. He seemed really glad she was invested in this—but, of course she was invested. He was one of her best friends.

"I will!" Riku assured her.

He left.

Ven approached Kairi almost immediately after he was gone. "Is he okay?" he asked.

"Who, Riku?" When Ven nodded, Kairi forced a laugh. "Yeah, he's alright."

"He looked tired…" Ven said. His brow was furrowed with worry, which, was funny, because why would he care? He'd met Riku, what, once? Maybe he was like Sora, and cared about everyone, but…

Still, Kairi laughed again. Ven didn't need to know. "He probably just forgot to sleep last night—he's a Replica, so it won't kill him, but," she shrugged and smiled. "_You know._"

"Uh, sure?"

Ven didn't look convinced, though. He really was like Sora. Kairi let out a short, frustrated breath of air. Then, before Ven could press, she flashed him her most mischievous smile. "Hey, Ven, you ever gone swimming before?" she asked.

He fixed her with a skeptical look, rather than a worried one. Good.

"Yeah?" he answered, like he was surprised she was asking. "Duh."

Kairi grinned wider.

"Have you ever gone swimming in the _ocean, _though?"

"I mean, in Neverland, kinda…" He trailed off, squinting in a way that made him seem uncertain. He cast a nervous glance at the ocean, then at Kairi. Then his eyes went wide. He shook his head. "No _way!_" he said.

"Too bad!"

Kairi lunged at him, but he was quicker than her. Much quicker, surprisingly quicker, actually. He stepped out of her way with ease, which put her between him in the ocean. Drat. She glared at him, and he held up his hands.

"C'mon, Kairi! I don't wanna swim."

Kairi rolled her eyes. Like he had a say! She was getting him into the ocean, whether he liked it or not. And if she couldn't shove him in, then she could drag him. She lunged again.

This time a gust of wind caught her in the side, tossing her into the sand. Ven had only stepped another pace backwards. He was completely unruffled.

"You don't want to start this," he warned her.

His tone was kind enough, but there was a glint in his eyes. Kairi took it as a challenge.

She jumped to her feet, and rushed again.

Eventually, she did get him in the ocean. It took the better part of an hour, because it was hard to compete with a guy who could _control wind. _She'd probably have bruises all along her side from being tossed to the ground so many times, but ultimately, it'd been fun. She and Ven were both laughing by the end of it. And, besides, she got him into the ocean. That was all that _really_ mattered.


	56. In which Ven asks Sora a question

**A/N: **I made a few posts recently on the FtPverse blogspot that have some cool misc character details! I also did a 2015 year in review for FtPverse! You may wanna check them out.

Otherwise: I've started editing Dead Inside. It's largely just to fix parts that Really Bug Me, but I am tackling glaring continuity errors while I'm at it. Chapters 1 and 2 have been edited and uploaded - I dunno if I'll tell you each time a chapter of Dead Inside is updated _here, _so keep an eye on the "di bloggin" tag on my personal tumblr (rarmaster) for updates and blogging about parts that _really _peeve me. (Or, the "ftpverse updates" tag if you'd rather skip the peeved blogging.)

Other than that, enjoy this chapter! It's a good one.

* * *

Practice consisted largely of going through the same exact movements, over and over and over again. He had to perfect his stance, learn to place his weight in the right ways when he swung his Keyblade. That was all fine and dandy, Sora thought, but _boy _his arms hurt from repeating the same exact swing for about an hour.

They also hurt because another hour had gone to repeating the same block—complete with Aqua striking at him—over and over again to make sure he learned how to place his feet right.

It… It could've been worse, though.

They'd finished up about ten, fifteen minutes ago, and Sora was currently lying on his back in the grass, staring up at the perpetual stars above him. He couldn't recognize any of the constellations, and that stunk. He thought about asking if Aqua knew any of them (she was sitting in the grass not far from him), but then there was a slight tug on his chest.

Ven.

Sora sat up, peering towards the doorway of the tower. He expected Aqua to question, but she was already looking that way, too. Ven came through the door first, but Kairi was on his heels. Thank goodness.

Sora raised his hand in a wave. Kairi grinned at him and started running over. She looked like she wanted to tackle him to the ground, but Sora managed to wave his arms at her soon enough to keep her from actually doing so. She flopped down in the grass beside him instead.

"How'd it go?" she asked, greeting him with a wide smile.

"Good," he told her, trying not to sound too exhausted. "You _definitely _would've got bored, though."

Kairi nodded. "Yeah, Ven said I might."

Sora sent a glance over to Ven. He was bugging Aqua. If Sora listened, could hear what they were talking about—Ven was just telling Aqua he knew she'd do fine in the teaching business—but there was no point in really listening to them. He was already talking to Kairi, anyway.

"How'd it go with you?" Sora asked. He'd tell her more about how training went, but that could wait a bit. Whatever info she had about the spell on the Islands couldn't.

"Umm, it went alright," Kairi said. Her face was scrunched up like there was a bad taste in her mouth. "I dragged Ven into the ocean and _that_ was fun, but uh, as for what we went there for…"

Sora's eyes went wide. "There is no spell?" he pressed, assuming the worst.

Kairi laughed a little and shook her head in surprise. "No! There is one!" she told him. "But, more importantly, there's also a spell around your house."

Sora stared.

"There is?"

Kairi nodded.

"Yeah. It makes it so you can't use star shards anywhere around it. Thaaat's why your star shard didn't work yesterday."

Sora raised his eyebrows. Okay. _Okay. _That was a little disconcerting. Why would there be…? "Um, Yen Sid took it down, right?" he asked. It was probably safe to assume he did, but—

Oh, no. Kairi was shaking her head.

"Nope!" she said, smiling a smile that didn't match the irritation burning in her eyes. "He said it was better to leave it be, because whoever put it up to begin with would probably just put it back if he took it down. You'll have to star-shard from other places."

Sora considered this a moment, scratching at his cheek.

"Well, okay, but… I think Yen Sid's probably got a point," he said, even though he knew Kairi didn't think that way.

"Sure, but it still _sucks,_" Kairi argued.

Sora shrugged. Nodded. "Well, _yeah,_" he agreed. Not being able to star-shard out of his own house could cause problems worse than the ones it'd caused yesterday. "But if it's pointless to take it down, what's it matter?" Something else occurring to him, Sora followed up with: "Hey, did he say _who _put it up?"

"Xehanort, probably," Kairi said. "We aren't sure, but Yen Sid says it's safest to assume it was."

Sora's partial smile fell. He hadn't even considered…

He should've. It made the most sense. He _knew _Xehanort was out there, and a threat, and that he needed to be wary. But it was easy to forget, in the down time. Easy to not think about it. He took an unsteady breath into his lungs, trying to keep himself breathing.

Kairi put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it. She understood, probably, but he still wished he could tell her how he felt—a little scared, a little queasy. Only, Aqua and Ven were hardly ten paces from where Sora and Kairi sat. Sora didn't want _them _to hear. Not Aqua, because she shouldn't have to, not Ven, because that would just be awkward.

He'd bug Kano about it, but… That was an even worse idea. Never mind that Kano would either laugh it off or get annoyingly cranky about it, just plain bugging him while Ven was still around wasn't a good plan. Nor was it something Sora was willing to do.

There was no reason to bug Kano unless he absolutely had to.

Sora coughed. Better to change the subject now, he thought.

"What about, y'know, the spell on the Island?" he said. "What's the news on that? You never said."

Kairi laughed. "Probably because there _isn't _any news! Yen Sid couldn't make heads or tails of it, as far as I could tell." Sora wondered how far he should believe that. "He says he'll think about it, study it some more, whatever," Kairi continued, "but _I _wouldn't count on him getting anywhere anytime soon. We'll have to deal."

Sora sighed, but nodded. "Guess so," he said. There wasn't really a point in trying to do anything but agree with her.

"Hey, never mind that!" Kairi punched him in the arm. "How'd training go?"

Sora winced as he rubbed his arm, but grinned. "I already told you! It was wayyy boring."

"I still want all the details!"

Sora pretended to grimace and made a show out of not wanting to tell her.

"_Weeeelll—_"

That's as far as he got, though. Ven approached, then, stopping and standing before them. Kairi raised her eyebrows up at him. Sora tried to smile, though it came half as easy as his smile to Kairi did. Ven smiled uneasily back, tugging at his ear.

"Uh, do you think I could talk to Sora?" he asked, addressing Kairi. "Um. Alone, preferably?"

Kairi's eyebrows inched higher into her hairline. She turned to Sora, face written in a _can-you-believe-this? _look. He shrugged back at her. He didn't find this _too _out of the ordinary, though Ven's nervousness was making him equally nervous. _Whatever, _he mouthed at Kairi.

Kairi gave a partial-shrug and a sigh.

"Sure, go for it," she told Ven, in relatively good humor. She reached out a hand to him, and after a bit of finger wiggling, he gave in and helped her up. "Maybe I'll go and try to talk Aqua into teaching me a couple spells," Kairi said, acting totally nonchalant. She brushed off her clothes, flashed Sora an unconvinced smile that didn't match her chipper tone. "Have fun!"

She headed over to Aqua.

Sora patted the ground next to him, inviting Ven to sit. Ven hesitated, but he did. Unlike Kairi, he kept a good foot or so of space between the two of them, and sat so he was partially facing Sora. Whatever, Sora thought. This whole thing was just whatever—he only hoped he could keep Kano out of it.

Sora watched Kairi and Aqua a moment, listening as Kairi explained what was going on. Aqua didn't look surprised. Ven must've said something to her, too. When they started on their way back to the tower, Sora looked to Ven, but he shook his head. He wanted to wait.

Finally, the girls were inside, and Ven opened his mouth. He didn't say anything, though, just sat there. After a few seconds, he closed his mouth, brows drawn as he seemed to consider something quite seriously.

"So?" Sora pressed. He hated to interrupt Ven's train of thought, but he also wanted this to be over with already. "What'd you want?"

Ven jumped, as if startled. What had he been thinking about, if he was shocked out of his thoughts so dramatically?

"Um… well…" Ven began, then swallowed, hard. His hand moved to his ear again.

Sora raised his eyebrows.

Ven coughed.

"Well, I was wondering… you know about, um, Vanitas, right?" he asked. He waited for Sora to nod, then continued. "And, um, you know about how I was in your heart for seven years, or, however long it was?"

Sora nodded again. "Yup," he said, curtly, dreading where this was probably heading.

"Ok, well, um. I'm." Ven moved his hand from his ear to his mouth, pressing a fist to his lips as he coughed again. He only barely lowered his hand when he spoke, so it was hard to make out what he said, exactly. "I'm beginning to think that- that… that Vanitas is still in there."

Sora blinked.

"Uh, _really_?" he asked, trying to make it sound like this was actually the first time he was hearing about this. "What makes you think that?"

Part of the question was an act. Part of it wasn't. Kano's answers about this subject had been vague at best, and, Kano couldn't answer for what Ven really thought, anyway. Better to hear it from Ven himself. Better to hear it from both sides, before coming to any sort of conclusion.

Ven rubbed his hands together, and at length, answered: "Well… I'm still not sure what, exactly, happened to him, after…" He grimaced. Swallowed. "After, um, everything. But, since I ended up with you, I thought maybe, he might've, too?" There was an eager note inching into his voice. "Plus, while I was there, I met someone. In your heart. He reminded me of Vantias, and—"

"That was my Shadow," Sora broke in. Then he realized how forcefully he'd said it, and scowled at himself. He shook his head slightly. Put on a kinder tone. "He's still around, my Shadow is. In here." The tap of fingers against his chest was habit, just another part of the explanation. "Kano, we're calling him, now. He, uh. He mentioned running into you."

"Oh."

Ven's face was colored with confusion, and his tone with disappointment.

"What'd he say about me?"

"Uh…" Sora began, trying to decide if he should attempt to phrase it lightly, or if he should just… lie.

Kano stirred inside him.

'_Did I hear my name…?' _he asked. He sounded groggy, kind of distant.

Sora bit his lip to hold in a sigh. It would keep Ven from hearing it, if not keep Kano from catching on. Though… for all Sora was exasperated at having to deal with Kano now, he was glad to hear Kano's voice. It'd been quiet, empty, without him all day.

_Don't worry about it, Kano, _Sora said. _Go back to, uh, whatever it is you were doing. _Sora wanted to say 'sleeping', but, did Kano even sleep? Well, whatever. _It's alright, _he continued._ I'll take care of it._

It wasn't fair to Kano to make him sit in on a conversation that would just upset him. There was no need to upset Kano, no reason to, no way Sora would. He could handle this himself.

Kano stirred a little more forcefully.

'_Wait, is he talking about me!? IF HE'S TALKING ABOUT ME, SORA, I'LL—'_

_I'll HANDLE it, Kano, _Sora repeated. He did the mental equivalent of a nudge at Kano, trying to get him to leave this alone.

'_But I'm! Not! I'm—!'_

Sora slowly pushed reassurance across their link. _I know, _he said. _I know. I'll take care of it, okay? Just trust me._

Kano hesitated a long moment. Then he sighed.

'_Fine.' _

He cut off connection again, then slipped back to, well, wherever he went. Sora wasn't sure what to call it. It was hard to describe a metaphysical place like the heart to begin with, let alone try and describe separate _portions _of it. He was glad Kano'd left it at that, though. Glad that Kano trusted him enough to at all.

It was a nice feeling.

That just left Ven.

"I guess I'll assume your silence means he didn't say anything good about me, huh?" Ven said, scrunching up his face.

Sora blinked in surprise, then remembered that Ven had last asked what Kano'd said about him. Well. Ven wasn't wrong. Sora nodded, shortly, because there was no reason to lie at this point. Ven didn't look surprised, or bothered, at least?

"Well, never mind about that," Ven said, with a shake of his head and a wave of his hand. "Would you mind, um, telling me what a Shadow is, again? I know you told me a while ago, but…" He scratched his head sheepishly. "I don't remember."

Sora shrugged back. He didn't exactly feel sheepish, but exasperated, for sure, because: "Honestly, I don't even know anymore," he answered. "I've gotten a different answer from each person who's told me."

Kano'd first said he was some sort of embodiment of Sora's darkness. Cloud and Leon and everyone in Hollow Bastion called him a "physical manifestation"—same meaning, different words, Sora supposed. But then Mickey had said Shadows were actually some kind of creature that latched onto people?

"Is there any chance he's like some sort of dark part split from you?" Ven asked.

Sora turned to stare at him, caught between confusion and surprise.

"I mean, that's what Vanitas was for me," Ven continued. "Xehanort split the darkness from me, and that became Vantias. So, maybe that's what, um, Kano is for you?"

"Maybe…" Sora said, bracing one hand in the grass to hold his weight as he leaned back, looking up at the stars. How was he supposed to know, anymore? But then again, wouldn't Mickey—who knew a lot about this stuff—or Cloud—who'd had a Shadow—know best? He bit his lip and let out a low _hmmmm _as he mulled it over. You'd think if they were both experts on this, their answers wouldn't be conflicting.

Movement out of the corner of his eye made Sora look to Ven. Ven held his hands clasped together, leaning towards Sora. "I know it's a longshot," he said. "But do you think, maybe, that your Shadow and Vanitas were—?"

"_No,_" Sora interrupted. Perhaps he'd done it a little too forcefully, again, but this time it was harder to care. The bright eagerness on Ven's face made his stomach churn. "I don't think they're the same person, if that's what you're getting at."

"I said it was a longshot," Ven protested. His eagerness quickly became a pouty sort of scowl.

Sora took a deep breath, keeping himself from scowling in return or snapping something else. You think it'd be _easier _for him to avoid this when Kano was around! "Look," he said, eyeing Ven. "_I'm _just saying that Kano swears he isn't, and, you think Kano'd know, right?"

He laughed a little with it, hoping to lighten the mood. Ven laughed in return, but it was a forced kind of laugh. Sora swallowed.

"Yeah, I guess so…" Ven mumbled.

Sora sighed and sat up straight again, drumming fingers against his knees.

"Why do you think they might be the same, anyway?" he asked. No sense beating around the bush any longer, or continuing to sit here and hope Ven would tell him. Oh, and: "You weren't thinking they're the same just because they _look _the same, right? Because, that's kinda silly. I mean, considering—"

Ven cut him off with an aggressive shake of his head. "Oh, no no! It had nothing to do with that!" he insisted. "I'm not- I wouldn't…" He shook his head again. His hands slowly reached up to cup around his heart. "It's more… It's how they _feel. _When I met Kano, he… he felt like Vanitas. That confused me _way_ more than just how he looked."

"He felt like Vantias?" Sora repeated.

Ven nodded. He closed his hands against his chest, his shirt bunching up between his fingers.

"I can't really describe it, just… the pull of my heart in response to him…"

Sora licked his lips. "Ah," he said, because he understood. Well enough, anyway. It was hard to misinterpret the wistful note in Ven's voice, or the way he clutched at his chest as if holding something precious. That's what made Sora uneasy.

Ven suddenly lit up, like he'd just realized something. The smile on his face seemed to make the world around him glow, but, his eagerness had returned, burning sharply in his eyes. Sora's stomach bottomed out.

"Oh, hey, but—if, if a Shadow _is _like a dark part split from someone," Ven said. "Do you think that, well…" He paused to clear his throat, smile faltering. His eagerness remained, though. "I'm sorry, Sora. I have to know. Do… Do you think that, _maybe, _that whatever was left of Vanitas in your heart was split from you, that and some of your darkness, and- and together, those things made Kano? Because, if they did, that would mean—"

Sora shook his head, more aggressively this time. It was an effort not to glare. Why was Ven being so _persistent_?

But, then again… Sora took a deep breath. He tried to put himself in Ven's shoes. Wouldn't _he _act this way, if he thought Kano was in Ven's chest? Desperate, clinging to the only shred of hope he could find? Thinking about it that way made his chest ache.

He wished he could help Ven. He really did.

"I… I don't know," he said, though, because he had to. He had no idea how any of this stuff worked. If he did, he'd probably be a step closer to figuring out how to get Kano out of his chest. "I mean, _maybe? _I definitely still don't think they're the same person, though. You can't make me budge on that."

He sent what was supposed to be a teasing smile at Ven. Ven just ducked his head down.

Sora sighed, and continued: "Maybe Vanitas is here, in my heart. I won't deny that! But, even if he is, or if he's in Kano's heart, that doesn't mean Kano's him, y'know? I mean…" He reached out and put a hand on Ven's knee, to get him to look up again. Then he smiled slowly, carefully, to show he wasn't mad. "You were in _my _heart for seven years, remember? That doesn't make me you."

Ven blinked a few times.

"Oh… No, I guess it doesn't," he admitted.

Sora smiled a little wider and leaned back, pulling his hand away. Hopefully that settled it.

Ven reached up to tug on his ear a few times, then he took a deep breath. He pushed himself to his feet. "Well, sorry for bugging you," he said, sending Sora an apologetic look. "Thanks for letting me talk."

Sora nodded. "Yeah! No problem."

Ven smiled partially at the reassurance. Sora got to his feet, so he wasn't on the ground by himself. That'd be awkward.

"Um, if you see Vanitas," Ven said, "Or, talk to him, like you do Kano, I guess. Just…" He stopped to mull it over a few moments, like choosing the right words. "Just be nice to him, okay? If you can. And let me know."

Sora nodded again. "Will do!"

Ven raised his hand in a wave, then headed back for the tower, leaving Sora alone out under the endless expanse of sky.

Sora let out a long sigh, between relief and exhaustion. He really hoped that settled it. He understood what Ven was feeling—or, could wrap his head around it well enough—but the thought of having to discuss this again was too much.

He supposed he should head for the tower now, himself, but instead he stood there for another few moments. He was trying to decide if what he wanted to do was worth it, and, in a lot of ways: just plain putting it off as long as he could.

Finally, he took a deep breath, then reached inside himself—towards Kano.

_Hey, sorry to bug you, _he said. _Ven's gone._

There was a pause, then Kano stirred against the mental nudge Sora was giving him.

'_Ok.' _He sounded groggy again. Maybe he _did _sleep._ ''s that all?'_

Sora licked his lips, amusement quickly gone.

_Um… no. _

He reached up to tap his chest.

_Do you think Vanitas is in here, somewhere?_

Ven could be right. He could, really, be feeling Vanitas, in Sora's chest. There was no reason to deny that possibility. But, as much as he wanted to take Ven's word, he also figured he should check with someone who'd have the best chance of knowing for certain. That would be Kano.

Kano laughed a little. '_Uh, I think I'd know if he was?' _

Sora thought he sensed some bitterness in that, but for the most part, Kano felt completely sincere. He really didn't believe Vanitas was anywhere in Sora's heart. Sora wasn't sure if he should be relieved, for himself, or sorry, for Ven.

_Is… is there a chance? Any chance? _he pressed.

Irritation flared through Kano. '_Don't get your hopes up,' _he warned. '_I meant what I said—I'd KNOW, Sora, alright? I'd know.'_

_ Okay, okay, geeze, _Sora said. He held up his hands in a placating gesture, even though he was having this conversation silently. _I'll take your word._

_ 'Wow. Thanks.' _Kano's tone absolutely bled with sarcasm. Sora could just imagine the deadpan look Kano would no doubt be giving him, if he could.

Sora cleared his throat. _Well, I gotta go find Kairi. And, y'know, I might run into Ven, soo…_ He trailed off, since the rest of that was conveyed to Kano without words.

Sora got the sense of Kano nodding, or that he wanted to.

'_Gotcha,' _he said. He cut off their link again.

Sora moved for the tower.


	57. In which Namine and Kairi hang out

**AN/ **Heya! You should check out the blog post for this chapter and / or my 8tracks account in order to find a mix I made called "Kairi's dance mix". Why is that important? Well, it is. Trust me. (Also maybe specifically check out the song "Best Friend" by Foster the People. It's relevant too.)

* * *

"Oh, hey Yuffie," Kairi said, as Yuffie opened the door for her. Yuffie was definitely lower on the list of people she expected to open the door. A look around the house proved it to be completely empty, at least downstairs. "You the only one here?"

"Basically," Yuffie replied, moving to flop down on one of the couches. "Aerith and Leon went with Riku to Castle Oblivion, and Cid's covering some Restoration stuff for Leon."

"And, Namine?" Kairi asked.

"In her room, like _always," _Yuffie replied, an edge of exasperation in her voice. Kairi didn't say anything about it, figuring she'd be similarly exasperated with Namine if she were in Yuffie's position. It sounded like a sort of fond exasperation, anyway.

"Can I see her?"

Yuffie laughed. "Sure! I ain't stopping you."

"Thanks!"

Kairi headed up the stairs. She didn't quite remember which room was Namine's, but she took a wild guess. It was probably the one with the closed door, especially considering it was the only one with its door closed.

Kairi strode up to it and almost pushed the closed door open, but then second guessed herself. With everything Namine was going through lately, maybe it would be best to let her maintain some of her privacy. Kairi knocked twice on the door, instead, and called: "Namine?"

There was a pause.

"Kairi…?"

Namine sounded surprised. Really surprised. Kairi grimaced, now, and reached to push the door open.

"Riku _did _tell you I was coming, didn't he?" she asked, as she stepped into Namine's room. Namine stared at her blankly over the open sketchbook in her lap. The page was empty, and Namine wasn't even holding a pencil.

"Um. Right." Namine blinked a few times. "I- I thought maybe, that… well…" She chewed on her next words, then decided against them. "Nothing. Never mind."

Kairi raised her eyebrows, but didn't press.

"Well, if you're sure," she said. "Go ahead and grab your things. We're gonna go to my place."

Namine jolted. "Um. Riku definitely didn't mention that."

"No duh, I decided on it this morning," Kairi laughed. Then she sighed. "Look, if you really don't want to, fine, we'll stay here. But, I think you could use a change of scenery. Please, Namine?"

Namine stared at her a few seconds more, and then sighed as well. "Alright," she said. She closed her sketchbook, and started shoving pencils in her pencil bag.

Kairi swallowed a sigh of relief. She was positive a change of pace would at least _help _Namine with this funk, but she was glad she didn't have to pressure Namine into it, either. They headed downstairs to tell Yuffie that they were going (Yuffie seemed really excited to have the house _entirely _to herself), and then they were off to Kairi's house.

Kairi's dad was at work—of course he was, it was a Tuesday—meaning Kairi and Namine had free reign of the house. Kairi used this freedom to do something she probably would've done even if her dad _had _been home. She dragged her CD player downstairs and turned on her favorite CD, letting it play in the background while she and Namine got settled. Namine didn't mind, or, if she did, she didn't mention it.

Namine sat on the floor with her back against the couch, sketchbook rested on folded knees. She was already sketching something—flowers, probably, of some sort, since that'd been Kairi's suggestion. That was routine. If Namine ever got stuck on not knowing what to draw, Kairi'd toss out an idea, and Namine normally took it.

Kairi lay on her back, holding a seashell and string at arms-length above her. It was hard, threading like this, and her arms were going to get tired soon, but the rest of her was comfy, so for now she was staying put.

"Seashells, huh?" Namine asked. She still seemed quieter, a little more hesitant than Kairi was used to, but she was definitely more relaxed than she had been back in Hollow Bastion. Hopefully the change of scenery _was _doing some good for her…

"Yeah," Kairi answered. "Thalassas, technically. I'm making charms. For all of us."

"Oh!" There was surprise, and a little bit of excitement in Namine's voice. Kairi had to crane her neck to see Namine, but she did anyway, and grinned at the sight of the smile on Namine's lips and the color in her cheeks. "_All, _all of us?" Namine asked.

"Duh! Well, you and Sora and Riku 'n me, anyway. I meant to start these months ago, but…" Kairi trailed off, glaring up at the seashell she held. It'd taken forever to find enough seashells, for starters, but, general procrastination along with the-world-falling-into-darkness and being-gone-for-two-months-looking-for-Sora had definitely played a hand in it taking this long.

"You got a color preference?" Kairi asked, rolling over onto her stomach and propping herself up on her elbows. This made it easier to look at Namine, and to work.

"Um… not really," Namine said. After a pause, she cleared her throat. "Actually, uh, those pink shells are… really pretty…"

Kairi laughed. "You got it!" She dropped the blue shell she hadn't even threaded yet and reached for a pink shell instead. Might as well start here. "Hey, by the way—you done any research for Sora?"

Namine froze. She didn't move for another few seconds, before finally sending a cautious glance up at Kairi. "N… no…." she said, at length. She slowly started sketching again.

"Oh, no big!" Kairi assured her, laughing it off. "Just askin' to see if you found anything yet. Honestly…" She dropped her voice to a dramatic whisper, which wasn't much quieter, because she still had to be heard over her music. "_I haven't done any research either_. You know I hate reading!"

Namine laughed a little. Maybe not as freely as she normally would, but, maybe Kairi was just nitpicking, too. "That you do," she agreed.

"And the books are just so _dense,_" Kairi continued. "It's so hard to get through them, and me and Sora can't do that thing where we read it back to each other—" _in mocking voices, _Kairi did not say, but Namine surely knew, "—because Kano thinks it's stupid and he either complains before we start, or he distracts Sora too much in the middle so we can't get anywhere! It _sucks. _Y'think he'd be a little more grateful, since we're doing this _for him, _but...!"

She blew her hair out of her face and glared at the shells in her hands. She wasn't mad at them, just, mad at Kano. She was rarely _not _mad at him, lately. She was trying for Sora, she was, but it was easier said than done, especially when Kano was so _infuriating _half the time.

"Do you want to, um, read with me?" Namine offered.

Kairi shook her head. "No, no, it's not the same with you—no offense."

"None taken."

Kairi sent a grateful smile in Namine's direction.

"Thanks for offering, though."

"Uh, sure."

Smile still on her face, Kairi looked back down to the shells, and took extra care to thread them together properly. It was harder than it looked. She hummed along to the current song as she worked, relishing in the sound of it.

She knew every beat of this CD, every lyric, every rise and fall. She'd listened to it a million times now, maybe more. She and Sora had spent months on it, lovingly crafting this mix, this perfect blend of feel-good vibes. It had all their favorite happy songs, and was great for getting you through long days, and more importantly, had all the best songs to dance too.

Of course, there was no dancing right now, but it was still doing its job of keeping Kairi's mind off of more troublesome things. Or, it had been, until she'd thought that.

Remembering why she'd technically set aside this time for Namine to begin with, Kairi looked up to her friend. At a glance, Namine looked fine—she was chewing on her lip as she sketched something out, like normal, but… There was a tiredness, in her shoulders, in her eyes. One Kairi'd gotten all too used to seeing, in all of her friends.

"Hey, Namine, how've you been, anyway?" Kairi asked. She made it sound like a casual question. Namine probably wouldn't admit anything was wrong without prompting, of course, but, Kairi could hope.

Namine let out a confused laugh, and sent a bewildered look in Kairi's direction. "Um, good?" she answered. "Not much different from when I saw you literally two days ago, Kairi. Nothing interesting's happened."

"Well, I still gotta ask," Kairi argued. She stuck out her tongue, for good measure. "I mean, it's like, an obligatory friend question."

"How've you been, then?" Namine said, before Kairi could even think about trying to probe her any more.

Kairi laughed once. She supposed she had that coming. "Good!" she said. "I've been good. A, uh, a lot's been going on."

"Yeah?"

Namine sounded genuinely interested to hear about it. Kairi ran her tongue over her lips, debating whether or not she should try and just gloss over everything, or… Nah, Namine wouldn't mind. And, sure, it'd be nice to figure out what was going on with her, but the main point of this was to just help Namine get her mind off of the worries she undoubtedly had, _not _to probe.

"Yeah!" Kairi said. "Sora's started training. Yen Sid confirmed yesterday that there _is _a spell on the Islands, but he has no idea how it works or how to get rid of it. Um. I'm a little worried about this Xehanort business, but haven't had the time to go, like, barge into Yen Sid's office and demand he tell me more about what's going on or what we _really _plan on doing about it."

Namine giggled a little, which, was good. That was the only reason Kairi'd even brought Xehanort up—to make Namine laugh at the idea of her yelling at Yen Sid. Kairi grinned a kind of proud grin at her.

"Um, other than that, I've…" Kairi's grin faltered a little, and she remembered:

_( "It's for his own good." )_

A distant voice and a scattered memory. A strange feeling in her chest. She took a deep breath, shaking her head a little to get the voice out.

"I've... I've been having weird dreams," she told Namine. She wasn't sure why, but, she was almost scared if she didn't, she'd completely forget about them. Again.

Namine eyed Kairi over her knees and her sketchbook, brows drawn together. "Dreams…?" she asked, slowly.

"Um." Kairi wet her lips. She tried to remember anything else about them, but all that was coming back was that scattered voice, and even the words were fading from her memory again. "Yeah. I don't, really, remember them, though. All I remember is waking up and feeling… odd. Not upset or scared or anything, just… _odd._"

That was all she was sure of.

"Hmm…"

Kairi forced herself to smile, and leaned a little as if trying to get a better look at Namine's face, though she didn't need to. "What's that worried look for, huh?" she asked, mainly just to tease.

Namine ducked her head down.

"I just, you know… I kept having dreams about Riku and- and Larxene," she said. Her shoulders hunched tightly. "I was just worried that your dreams might maybe be like those, and, and—"

"Aw, I don't think so," Kairi assured her, reaching over and patting her once on the leg—all she could reach from here. "And, even if they were, we couldn't do much worrying or… or _anything_ really, since I don't remember them."

"That's… that's true…" Namine admitted, slowly. She chewed on the end of her pencil for a moment, something she often did when she was thinking.

Kairi waited, to see if Namine was going to say anything more. She didn't. Kairi shrugged to herself and reached for a third pink shell. They sat there in the relative silence for a while, Kairi working, Namine sketching, the music playing in the background. It wasn't long before Kairi was singing along under her breath, moving a little to beat.

This was a _great _way to spend the day, honestly.

She had just finished tying three shells together when there was a loud snapping sound. Kairi looked up. Her eyes settled on Namine, who was pressed back against the couch, shaking and staring at the single half of a broken pencil she still had in her hand.

Kairi jolted a little. "Namine?" she asked, setting down the charm and moving to get up. "What happened? Are you okay?"

Namine shook her head back and forth, so slightly that Kairi would've missed it had she not kept repeating the motion. Kairi's heart skipped a beat. She scrambled over to Namine's side, her knees slamming into the wooden floor as she settled.

"Are you hurt?" Kairi asked. She took the pencil piece and set it on the couch, then turned Namine's hand over in hers. It didn't look like Namine'd accidentally stabbed herself or anything… That was good.

"I, I…" Namine stammered. She was trembling hard.

"Hey, hey, you're fine, you're okay," Kairi said. She pulled Namine's sketchbook out of her lap—the sketch of flowers marred by a dark line that ran through the picture and off the edge of the page—and set it on the couch.

"I- I just…"

"You're okay, Namine," Kairi repeated. "You're okay." She found the other half of Namine's pencil, and set that on the couch, too. That looked like everything. Except, Namine was crying, now.

"I- I just… I was just…" Namine stared at her hands, which she tightly clasped together. Actually, it looked more like she was trying to pull the fingers off her hand. Kairi hastily pulled her hands apart.

"Namine…?" she asked, trying to keep her voice steady. "Namine, please, is…? Is something wrong?"

"I…" Namine sat there a moment, mouth working for words, then she squeezed her eyes shut. "I- I was…. I was talking to Riku the other day about- about- about having to- to fight him, to fight you, to fight the both of you and I was- I, I was mad because he doesn't know what it's like to want to hurt someone you love. To- to have to fight someone you love except he does know because he had to fight me and _you _had to fight me and—"

"Caaaalm down," Kairi said. She leaned back and sat on her heels, giving Namine some space. "And _slow _down. Try again. Tell me what's wrong."

"You were there too," was all Namine said. "You were there too you had to fight me too. You know what it's like but you don't know what it's like because you don't—_you don't…_" She trailed off, opening her eyes again. She looked down at her hands, fixated with them as she curled and uncurled her fingers.

Kairi swallowed, hard.

She _did_ follow what Namine was saying, for the most part, she just didn't understand where this had come from, _or… _No. It didn't matter. It didn't matter where it'd come from. She took a carefully deep breath, so Namine would not hear her distress.

"I don't… I don't _what?_" she pressed, before she addressed anything else. "Namine?"

Namine didn't answer, and, it didn't look like she was going to.

Kairi sighed.

She turned around and sat down next to Namine, not facing her, just, next to her. She really wanted to wrap an arm around Namine, or hug her, or something, but she got the feeling that might be a bad idea. So, she didn't.

"Well, yeah, I was there too," Kairi said.

Her music still played in the background, and it was a little distracting, but, she'd just sat down. She wasn't getting up and going to the table just to turn it off. Sure, it was only five steps. _She still wasn't moving._

"I was there too," Kairi repeated, nodding to herself. She didn't even send a sideways glance in Namine's direction. "I had to fight you, and, it sucked. It really sucked, and I won't pretend it didn't because it _did, _but… That wasn't, entirely, you."

She paused a second, letting those words sink in.

"It was you, but it wasn't you, Namine. Does that make sense? It was your face and your voice but it wasn't _you _because _you're _not that mean, you're not that cruel. You're kind and you're gentle, and, _that wasn't you._"

Namine took a few shuddering breaths, but, she didn't say anything. Kairi waited, just in case. Her fingers moved to rub a scar on the underside of her arm, one she wasn't sure why it hadn't healed, one she knew was from Namine. Then she realized what she was doing, and she stopped. She didn't want Namine to notice, or, to know.

"Riku- Riku just… he…" Namine began. She fumbled over the words, though. Kairi reached over and put her hand on Namine's knee, squeezing it reassuringly. Namine took a deep breath and continued: "Riku _said _he knew b- because- because he had to fight me like I had to fight him, b- but I don't think he really, I don't think _you _really, I- I don't—"

She pressed her arms to her chest and dragged her knees in, curling up on herself entirely. Kairi pulled her hand away so she could move. It hurt to see Namine like this.

"Look," Kairi said, carefully. "I know what Riku was getting at, I guess, but, _neither of us had our heads messed with._"

Had that been what Namine was even trying to say, to begin with? No way of knowing.

"We- we didn't _want _to fight you, Namine!" Kairi continued, laughing a little at the absurdity of the idea—Well, okay, maybe Riku had wanted to in there for a bit, but, Riku was… _Riku. _"We didn't _want _to hurt you. You? You had your brain all messed with so you thought you _did _want to hurt us, and, that's not the same."

"Ex… exactly…" Namine mumbled.

She was silent for a few moments, but then she uncurled herself. Kairi sent a smile at her, though, Namine didn't look to see it. She clasped her hands together again, fingers interlocked. Her attention rested somewhere in her lap.

Kairi opened her mouth to ask Namine how she was feeling now—or, reiterate that she was okay, she hadn't decided yet—but didn't get the chance to do either. Namine spoke.

"Do… do you hate me…?" she asked, voice quiet. Kairi had never seen her look this small before.

"_What_?" Kairi's voice cracked around the word. "No! Of course not."

"But- but everything I did, and, and everything I said—" Namine's face twisted up in horror. "I- I said some _really awful _things, Kairi, and I—"

"It wasn't your fault," Kairi interrupted.

Namine turned to her. She still looked scared.

"I don't hate you, Namine," Kairi said, for good measure. "You're my best friend. I _love_ you."

Namine blinked a few times. She stared at Kairi, hands clasped together in front of her chest. She looked at a complete loss for words.

Kairi didn't blame her, though.

She gave Namine a moment, to let those words sink in. But, she nodded to herself, deciding on her next move made.

When she felt it'd been long enough, Kairi patted her knees twice, then pushed herself to her feet.

"Well, hey, enough of this… sad talk!" she declared. She took the time to gather her seashells up off the floor—that was, kind of, important—then went over to the CD player. Kairi tossed the seashells down on the table next to it, to get them out of the way, and then she skipped forward a few songs in the mix.

The opening notes of the song she wanted filled the room, and Kairi broke into a grin. She spun around to face Namine, who looked a little suspicious, _but, _there seemed to be a faint trace of a smile on her lips.

"May I have this dance?" Kairi asked, taking a few steps towards Namine to close the distance between them, and offering her hand.

Namine looked away, laughing quietly in exasperation.

"_Kairi_…" she began.

"Come on," Kairi pressed. "Just like we used to, remember?"

Dancing was one of the best ways to cure a bad mood—the only better one being a good swim in the ocean. And, in those months when Sora and Riku were gone and neither of them had any clue when they'd be back, well… Dancing was the easiest way to forget about those worries.

The feeling of sand between her toes, hands in Namine's, this song playing as they danced—this was a memory pressed firmly into Kairi's mind. She didn't think she'd ever forget it.

She didn't, really, fully understand what was going on in Namine's head, and, maybe she never would. But, right now, that didn't matter. What did matter was Namine needed her spirits lifted, and, _this…_

This was the best way Kairi knew how.

Namine laughed that exasperated laugh again, but Kairi stood firm, where she was, hand held out towards Namine.

Finally, Namine looked at her. There was a gleam in her eyes.

"Alright," she agreed.

She took Kairi's hand.

**xxx**

Her hands in Kairi's, bare toes sticking to the wooden floor, Kairi's favorite songs filling the room, worries somehow absent from her chest, laughing and smiling like she felt like she hadn't for a long time…

This was a moment Namine would never forget.


	58. In which Leon gets a phonecall

**AN/ **Three things! 1) I wrote a chapter ft Aqua and Ven yesterday and put it in ASAS (ch94). It's a short little thing, but, you should check it out anyway! 2) There's also an ASAS chapter (95) that goes with this chapter, ft Vexen. Maybe you want to check that out, too.

3) As much as I tried getting update schedule back up to once a week, I think at this point I should just give up and accept my "every other week" fate. Finding time/energy to write lately has been harder than ever, and short of taking another hiatus to build up a buffer (which I don't want to do), this seems like the best solution. I'll shoot to update every other Wednesday.

Thanks for being patient, thanks for reading, and thanks for sticking with me! I'm really excited for the future of All that Remains.

* * *

Sitting here in the silence with the endless white of Castle Oblivion's walls surrounding him while they waited was always the worst part, Riku thought. Castle Oblivion never changed, and he hated the sight of it now more than ever. The Main Room was as vast as always, so much so that he could hardly see either wall on each end of the room, every set of couches scattered at least twenty if not thirty paces apart.

It was mostly empty, too. Besides him and Aerith and Leon sitting on this couch—the same couch, always the same couch—there were only two Vexens, in distant corner far from this spot. The emptiness was the worst _worst _part of this moment, for sure. To say it had been lively when the Rebellion was in full swing would be a drastic understatement, because Castle Oblivion could never be _lively, _but… It had been more crowded, at least, and the faint murmur of voices even when muffled by the walls and magic of this place had provided _some _background noise. Now there was…

Nothing.

It was nearly silent, and it was infuriating.

They were waiting for Even to finish analyzing this latest scan, and to finish ironing out a few kinks in some code or program or something. It was dull and boring waiting out here, but there wasn't quite room to wait in with Even. Riku wished he'd brought a book, except neither Aerith nor Leon had anything to do, and that'd be rude, probably. It also might be rude to complain, and he couldn't start any other kind of conversation because _how did you even start a conversation when there was nothing to talk about, _and—

"Riku!"

Aerith's voice broke him out of his thoughts. It was stern enough to make him flinch.

He sat there, frozen a few moments, heart pounding, trying to figure out what he'd done and why she'd be giving him that look—then he realized what he was doing, currently. He moved his hand away from his arm, pulled picking fingers away from an itching patch of darkness.

"Sorry," he said. He clenched his hands together and put them in his lap, squeezing them between his legs.

Aerith sent him a kind smile. "I know this is a little nerve-wracking, but I'm sure—"

She didn't get the chance to say any more. Leon's phone went off.

Leon jolted out of what he'd previously been doing (resting his elbow on the arm of the couch and his chin in his hand, staring out into the room and thinking Leon thoughts) and fumbled to dig his phone out of his jacket pocket. He frowned at the number.

"Don't recognize it," he said.

"It might be one of the Restoration Committee," Aerith reminded him. "You _did _give them all your number."

Leon scowled a little at it. "True."

"Answer it or I will, Leon!"

"Okay, okay, fine!"

Leon flipped his phone open and pressed it to his ear.

"Hello? Leon speaking."

The sound on Leon's phone was not _loud, _but Riku could hear the speaker on the other end just fine. Of course he could. It sounded like a woman…

"Oh thank goodness, I thought you were _never _going to pick it up, it rang nearly eight times and I thought maybe I had the wrong number, or—"

"R- _Rinoa_?" Leon stammered.

"_Rinoa?_" Aerith repeated, quieter, for confirmation. Leon nodded at her. She looked about as surprised as he did, but, quite a bit happier. Leon almost seemed too stunned to be happy.

"Yes, it's me!" came the voice from the other end of the line. Rinoa. "Was that Aerith I heard?"

Leon nodded. "Yeah, hang on…" He moved the phone away from his mouth and looked to Riku. "Is it safe to put the call on speaker? Or, is everyone in this room going to hear it if I do?"

"Um, it's probably fine," Riku answered, with a shrug. He doubted it'd carry to the two Vexens all the way across the room, anyway.

"Okay, great," Leon said, and then, to Rinoa: "I'll put you on speaker." He hit a button on his phone, then held it in his lap. "Alright, there. Say hi to Aerith."

"Hiiii Aerith," came Rinoa's voice, much louder than before.

Aerith laughed a little. "Hi Rinoa," she answered. She sent a look at Riku, then nodded in the direction of the phone. "Hey, Riku, say hi to Rinoa."

"Uh, hi…?" Riku said.

"Hi! Nice to meet you, even if, uh, this isn't exactly meeting?" Rinoa laughed to herself, and, before Riku could say anything more: "This is the Riku you mentioned in your letter, right, Leon? Not that you said much about him, but…"

"Yeah, it is," Leon said.

"He's family now!" Aerith added, and, she sounded so happy to say that? Riku was happy to be a part of this family, of course, he just wasn't really used to the feeling. Or the idea that Aerith could be _this _excited about it, too…? It was strange.

But, it was nice, too.

A warmth and his chest, and in his cheeks, Riku looked down at his hands, still clenched between his legs. He heard Leon laugh a little, then Rinoa say "I got the feeling," laughing a little herself.

"Hey, it's great to hear from you, by the way," Leon said.

"We've missed you," Aerith said.

"I've missed you guys, too!" There was a longing in Rinoa's voice, and, something apologetic, as well. "Sorry I never replied to your letters—I was busy, and it's hard to send letters when you're traveling so much, and I _finally _had some time to write one but I was also by a phone, and I figured I'd just call! It's not like I have a phone of my own, so…"

"That's alright," Aerith assured her.

Leon nodded. "Like we said, it's good to hear from you at all."

"Awww, that's sweet of you, Leon," Rinoa said, sounding only slightly sincere. Playfully, she continued: "Hey, Aerith, did you know your brother was such a sap?"

"Rinoa!" Leon protested.

Aerith chuckled, and, grinning from ear to ear, said: "Yeah, of course I knew. I've lived with him my whole life."

Leon turned his offended look her direction. "_Aerith!_"

She only grinned at him. On the other end of the phone, Rinoa was in a fit of giggles.

Riku smiled a little, despite himself, even though he felt a bit like he was… intruding. He hated to think that—and, to feel that way, it wasn't a nice feeling—but he _definitely _wasn't a real part of this conversation. He thought about moving to give them some space, except, there wasn't exactly anything _else _to do. He'd prefer feeling slightly guilty for listening in on a conversation he wasn't a part of over driving himself mad with boredom any day. Besides, he doubted Aerith and Leon minded. Honestly, they might be more upset if he _left._

"Hey, I'm in Esthar, by the way," Rinoa said. "You want me to say hi to Laguna for you guys?"

Leon's annoyance seemed to increase by double. "I don't care," he said.

Aerith's smile fell from her lips. Riku thought he saw her roll her eyes.

"Leon…" she began.

"I mean, I don't _have _to," Rinoa continued. "I just thought I'd offer!" Her tone—and, Leon's reaction—made Riku think she was just doing this to tease him again. He wondered who Laguna was.

"You can say hi to him from me, Rinoa," Aerith said. She followed this with a stern glance at Leon.

Leon just sunk into the couch, groaning.

"I'm joking, I'm joking!" Rinoa called, then, laughing. She sounded a little proud of herself. "I don't actually think I'll run into Laguna. He's very busy, you know, being president of Esthar and all."

"We know," Leon sighed.

Aerith shook her head. Riku thought that might be her disappointed look, but couldn't find out for sure, because then she was asking: "How's sorceress training going?"

"Oh! It's going good!" Rinoa replied. "Edea says I could probably be done by the end of this year, if not sooner, maybe! Seems like I could've finished it up a while ago, if I'd, you know, _actually _devoted my time to it instead of getting distracted for three years." For some reason, she laughed about that.

Riku considered asking why, or what sorceress training even was, but then he spotted Joseph, across the room, and Joseph spotted him. Joseph broke into a grin and started running over at an unnecessarily high speed. He even went as far to leap over one of the tables, for, no real reason? Then again, this was Joseph.

"Hi Riku!" Joseph said, once he got closer. Riku tried to signal him to not, but it was too late.

"Who's that?" Rinoa asked.

"Friend of Riku's," Leon said, as Aerith said: "Hi Joseph."

Joseph at least had the decency to look embarrassed now. "Oh! I didn't realize you were on the phone. My bad! Sorry Aerith, sorry Leon, sorry mysterious phone person."

Riku rolled his eyes. Aerith and Leon assured him it was alright, and Rinoa followed up with:

"Yeah, don't worry about it, mysterious friend of Riku!"

Joseph beamed and giggled a little, then nodded his head to a set of couches on Riku's right, away from Aerith and Leon. "C'mon," he said. He was moving before Riku had a chance to voice his opinion.

Riku sighed a little and followed after. He didn't mind talking to Joseph—it was probably better than sitting and listening to a phonecall he wasn't a part of, and, he liked Joseph, _really_—but he wished Joseph had actually asked about it, maybe? Oh well. He'd deal.

"Alright, before we talk about _anything _else…" Joseph stopped in front of the couches, and reached for his belt. From it he pulled something which, with a flick of his wrist, expanded into the shape of a boomerang. "Check it out!" he said, grinning widely.

"Oh, cool," Riku said, trying to sound as interested as possible. He _was _interested, for the most part, but enthusiastic was another story. "You designed that yourself, right?" he asked, sitting down.

Joseph nodded about twenty times. "Uh-huh! Me 'n 29 had some weapons expert build the design for us—for me! She said my design was very clever, and she was happy to make me a prototype for free. I gotta pay when she makes the final version of the weapon, though. Duh." He laughed and rolled his eyes, then bounded closer to Riku. "Look, it also does this!"

He closed the boomerang and then flipped a latch to unhook from one tip of the boomerang and hook into another. When he flicked the boomerang open this time, it expanded into a shield, sort of like a paper fan might. The shield was the shape of a rounded triangle, and just bigger than the circumference of an outspread hand. Riku reached out to flick it. It seemed a little thin, in his opinion. Probably enough to deflect glancing blows, but not enough to prevent a blade from stabbing clean through it with enough force.

"I know it's a little flimsy," Joseph said, before Riku could even bring it up. "But it if the metal was any thicker then the boomerang wouldn't fly. Besides, it protects me from magic! That's good enough!"

"I guess so," Riku agreed. As long as Joseph was happy with it, he didn't see the point of arguing. "You get any actual fighting practice in with this thing?"

Joseph undid the latch and flicked the boomerang shut. "Of course!" he declared proudly. "Me 'n 29 go and fight Heartless every now and then. I'm getting pretty good at it, and at using magic, kinda! 29's only taught me Blizzard, though…"

He made a face, and Riku chuckled. That was more magic than Riku knew.

"Hey, maybe you should talk to Leon," he suggested. "He could put you and 29 in rotation for Heartless rounds." And, probably teach Joseph more magic, but Riku didn't bring that up. Leon had enough on his plate with the Restoration Committee.

"Oh!" Joseph's eyes lit up. "I didn't even think of that! YEAH! I mean I guess I gotta ask 29 first but that definitely seems like a good idea, so, I will. I will." He nodded determinedly, then plopped himself on the couch next to Riku. "Hey, who's Leon on the phone with, anyhoo? Or, him and Aerith? OH, were the three of you on the phone?" He suddenly looked horrified. "I didn't pull _you _away from a phonecall, did I?"

Riku shook his head. "No," he said. "It was mainly just for them."

"Phew!" Joseph let out a sigh of relief. "That's good to know. Anyway—who was it on the phone? You didn't answer that bit."

"Uh, Rinoa," Riku answered. "She's a friend of theirs. Pretty close friend, actually. They haven't seen her in a few years."

"Aw, I bet they miss her tons!"

Riku nodded, because, he knew they did. That was, about all he knew about Rinoa though, except some things he wasn't sure he should share with Joseph. They weren't, exactly, his to share. He changed the subject, instead.

"Hey, where's 29?" he asked.

"Home!" Joseph answered, chipper, but then he sent Riku a kind of annoyed look. "I mean, geeze, it's not like he has to go _everywhere _with me. I can go places by myself! It's not like we're in the middle of the Rebellion anymore—that's all over!"

"True…" Riku admitted. "Why'd you want to come _here, _though?"

Joseph's annoyed look got a little stronger, but he answered without hesitation. "I needed to talk to Even. Apologize, actually." He squirmed a little in his seat. "Uh, don't worry about why. It's not important."

Now that Joseph had brought it up, Riku was curious. He didn't get a chance to ask, though. Joseph quickly changed the subject before he could.

"Anyway, why are you guys here?" he asked.

Riku sighed. He turned his attention down to his arm, but caught himself before he started picking. He played with his fingers instead. It was as much to keep them busy as to provide himself with a distraction.

"Darkness problems," Riku muttered.

To his surprise, Joseph started nodding. "Ohhh, _those_. Riiiight." Riku wondered how he knew, but then remembered he'd puked darkness in front of Joseph. Joseph scratched at his ear. "How are those coming…?" he asked. He sounded earnest, but asked carefully, too, catching on to Riku's mood.

"Um, coming," Riku answered. "Even and Vexen are still translating my data, and that's still, not done, and, yeah. Yeah. That's kind of it."

That's all he could tell Joseph, anyway. There was no need to mention the finer, more unsettling details, and no need to mention how close he might be to dying, either. He didn't need to burden Joseph with another death, even if just a potential one.

"You doin' alright?" Joseph pressed, leaning in attempt to look Riku in the face. Riku sighed again.

"Yeah."

"You don't _look _so hot, though."

Riku bit his lip to keep himself from grimacing or groaning, and wished not for the first time that Joseph wasn't so damn perceptive.

"Honestly, it's fine," he lied. "I'm fine."

Joseph rolled his eyes and shook his head. "_C'moooon_, Riku."

"I'm fine, Joseph!"

"And I know you're lying!"

Joseph crossed his arms over his chest and fixed Riku with an extremely determined look.

"I'm _fine,_" Riku repeated. "Don't worry about it."

"You don't gotta protect me! I can take it!"

Riku considered Joseph out of the corner of his eyes, and then sighed to himself. Maybe it'd be best if Joseph knew it was coming, anyway. He turned his eyes down to his hands in his lap, very carefully linking them together.

"Alright, fine." He did not bother to keep the slight sting out of his voice. "I'm exhausted all the time, there are moments where I can't stop my darkness from just randomly flowing out of me, and, I have three weeks to live if Even doesn't figure something out. There. That's what's going on."

"O- _ohh,_" Joseph said.

"I told you you shouldn't worry about it."

"Man, that _suuuucks, _Riku," Joseph said. Riku turned to him. There was sadness brimming in Joseph's eyes, but he smiled at Riku when he saw Riku looking at him. Slowly, he nodded past Riku to where Leon and Aerith were. "They know about that, right? The whole, uh, three weeks thing."

Riku nodded. "Yeah. They do."

Joseph nodded as well. "That's… that's good," he said. He flopped back against the couch, head settling on the low back of it. "You completed your bucket list?"

"My, my what?" Riku asked.

"Your, uh," Joseph made a face. His attention was fixed towards the ceiling, and not Riku. "I think I heard Vexen use it first. Maybe it wasn't him. I don't remember. Anyway, 29 explained it to me and it's, like, a list of things you wanna do before you die, yanno?" Now he turned his head in Riku's direction. "You don't got, like, anything you're gonna regret not doing, do you?"

Riku thought about it for a moment, but, shook his head. He had nothing big he still wanted to do besides, continue living, anyway. He'd never been good at making long-term plans.

"I… I think I'm good," he told Joseph.

"Well, that's good."

Riku coughed, frowning in Joseph's direction. "You, uh—aren't you… _upset_?" he asked. He thought Joseph would be taking this a lot harder than he seemed to be.

Joseph shook his head, though. "Nah! I mean, I'll definitely miss you if you _do _die, Riku, and I'll probably cry for at least two weeks, but—" He sat up straight, turning Riku his full attention. "I'm _pretty _sure Even can fix this. And, if he can't, I'll get mad about it then. No point wasting the energy now!"

He laughed at that, and, despite himself, Riku laughed a little too.

"Hey." Joseph reached over to nudge Riku, being slow enough about it that Riku saw it coming well in advance, which he appreciated. "Chin up, Riku," Joseph said. He smiled kindly. "You're real great. Don't forget that."

Riku blinked a few times, wondering where _that _had come from. He was touched, though. He did his best to smile back. And, he should probably say something. Like—

"Oh!" Joseph jumped to his feet, making Riku start. "Looks like that's Even." He clapped Riku on the shoulder. "You better go find out what he's got to say. I bet it's good news!"

"Sure," Riku said, not sure yet if he believed it was.

He got up regardless and, with Joseph tailing him, headed back to where Aerith and Leon were. They'd already hung up with Rinoa, and Leon was settling back down in the couch like he'd been getting up—probably to get Riku. Even was there, standing in front of the couch, of course. He watched Riku expectantly, looking pleasant enough. Vexen was there too.

Riku waved half-heartedly at Even, ignored Vexen, and sat down on the couch next to Aerith. If standing for too long didn't make him woozy, he wouldn't have bothered.

Even cleared his throat, and once sure he had everyone's attention, skipped any pleasantries and went straight to business. Riku liked that about him.

"Well, I was hoping to stand here and deliver the best news I possibly could," Even said. "But unfortunately, we ran into a problem. It's nothing to worry about, of course," he assured them all. "I had only hoped I could tell you we'd finished with the program that would translate your data and could fix this problem today, but we ran into a snag."

Okay, maybe Even wasn't _always _straight to business.

"A snag?" Aerith pressed.

"Expected, when writing any sort of program," Vexen answered. "It's a miracle we haven't run into any before this. But—"

"It's nothing to worry about," Even repeated, cutting him off. Vexen sent a glare at him, but Even either did not notice or pretended not to. "Outside of this snag, the program is basically finished. We should have everything cleared up in a few days, and then we'll be able to fix you, Riku."

Riku blinked once, then raised his eyebrows.

"_Really?_" he asked.

He was relieved—of course he was, he didn't want to die!—but he was surprised more than anything else. Everything being this close to being fixed didn't really seem like a reality.

"Yes, _really, _Riku," Vexen said. There was a thread of irritation in his voice, and a burning in his eyes that made Riku flinch on reflex. He prayed no one noticed, but Vexen must have, because he stopped to take a deep breath and continued speaking in a kind voice which had clearly taken him an effort to produce. "I told you I'd fix it, didn't I?"

Riku couldn't decide whether he was thankful or angry.

"Just took you so long I thought it might never happen," he said, with a careful smirk to hide how uncomfortable he was. He was glad Vexen had not yelled, but hated he was glad as much as he hated the fact Vexen had made a conscious decision not to yell in order to protect him.

"Well, it's a good thing you've got it figured out," Leon said. He laughed a little in relief.

Aerith nodded with him, looking like she was bursting to say something but completely unable to put her thoughts into words. She also had a hand pressed to her mouth, and her eyes were pinched in a way that suggested she was about to cry.

Riku considered the both of them, both of their relieved faces. The way Leon grinned over at him, the way Aerith moved to grip his knee and Leon's jacket at the same time. The tears that rolled down her cheeks, the relief that washed over her face.

Riku considered all these things, and his heart swelled with love and warmth and a relief he felt silly feeling because it wasn't like everything was fixed _yet_. He felt like he might cry, too, but that was embarrassing, so he bit his lip and held it in.

"See, I told you, Riku!" Joseph laughed, reaching over and punching him in the shoulder (which he did not flinch at, this time). "I told you, everything's gonna be just fine!"

A dark corridor opened, somewhere behind them.

Hearing it, Riku turned around to see who it was.

It was Roxas, both Keyblades drawn, a look of murder on his face.

"_YOU_!" he roared.

He hefted one of his Keyblades and pointed it straight at Riku.


	59. Roxas is here

**AN/ **I said every other Wednesday, didn't I? I'll stick to it! Other than that, I had a real fun time writing this chapter. I hope you enjoy.

* * *

"I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!" Roxas shouted. He stood ten paces from where Riku was, one of his Keyblades pointed straight at him. "_YOU! _YOU WERE LITERALLY GOING TO KILL ME!"

Riku jolted back. "Um, _what_?" He stood up out of the couch, turning to face Roxas. He had to grip the arm of the couch to support himself, but better that than sitting, with his _back _to Roxas. Joseph moved over a step so he had room to stand. "Wh-_when_?" he asked.

"Before I was even born! Built?" Roxas took a second to consider that, then shook his head. "WHATEVER!"

Riku squinted at him. He couldn't remember, exactly, everything that had happened before Axel had rebuilt Roxas, but he didn't recall them plotting to _kill _Roxas. Or, _had _sabotaging the Rebuilding process come up…?

"Where did you hear this?" Riku demanded.

"What's it matter, he was right, wasn't he?" Roxas countered. He swung his Keyblade downward, took a step towards Riku.

Aerith and Leon both got to their feet, both skeptical, both sliding into defensive positions. Neither of them had their weapons—because, why would they? There wasn't usually any trouble in these visits, and they didn't have the luxury of summoning their weapons at will. Riku only spared a glance at them, then his attention was back on Roxas. There was something… _off_ about him.

A slight… twitch in his neck, kind of like the one Sora got when Kano was bugging him.

"Listen," Riku began, fumblingly. Except, he wasn't so sure Roxas wasn't right. _Had _they tried to kill him, then? He remembered Alpha being really mad about Roxas being Rebuilt. He remembered fighting Axel, trying to get to Roxas—no, no, that had just been prove to Vexen he could take Axel and Xemnas on his own (ha), but he guessed it must've _looked _like he was going to… "Roxas, I wasn't—"

"You didn't _want _me to be Rebuilt!" Roxas shouted. "You didn't _like _the idea of it, you didn't _like _the idea of the Organization having Keyblade wielder, and you thought bringing me back from the dead was _wrong _so you were going to make it so I _stayed dead._"

"What? _No! _That wasn't—"

"Alpha and Amaryllis—" Vexen started, from behind him.

Roxas kept going, as if he hadn't heard either of them. "And, good on me!" he said, laughed, desperately. "For assuming you'd help me Rebuild Xion!" He looked up to the ceiling for a moment, shoulders back, face contorted. For that moment, Riku felt sorry for him. "Because, _you won't. _You didn't want to Rebuild me, so why would you want to Rebuild her?" His attention snapped back down to Riku, Keyblade raising again. "_You think it's better she stays dead, too._"

"This- this has nothing to do with me!" Riku protested. What did he care about Xion? "I- I don't— I- I _didn't_—"

"What's the matter?" Roxas asked. His attitude shifted completely. The murderous look was gone from his face, replaced by a glint in his eyes and a sly sort of smile. He lowered his Keyblades, and for once, held them relaxed at his sides.

He took another step towards Riku, leaning forward, leaning in.

"Why so squeamish all of a sudden?" he pressed. "Can't own up to wanting to kill me? _It's not like I'd be the first._"

Riku took a step back. His legs hit against the coffee table behind him, and he staggered a little. That… _That was…_

Roxas just kept grinning, took another step forward—this put him nearly at the couch. He moved no further, probably only for want of not being closer to Aerith or Leon. "How many people have you killed, again? Twenty, right? Oh wait. That's just the _Larxenes._"

Riku felt like he was going to be sick. Roxas was right. He was right, of course he was right, but—

Riku wanted to back up further, but he couldn't. He wanted to run, but he couldn't, not so easily. He kept his eyes on Roxas, though he hated it. He couldn't look at Aerith or Leon.

They- They weren't supposed to know.

They weren't supposed to find out like this.

Roxas rolled his neck, drinking in the sight of Riku squirming like he enjoyed it. He grinned a grin that wasn't his own.

"How _thick _is the blood on your hands, Riku?"

_\- - - "It's funny how one little mistake…"_

_\- - - - - - - "Do you ever think about what you've done?"_

_\- - - - - - - - - - - - "How thick is the blood on your hands, Riku?"_

Riku slammed his hands over his ears. The same voice—the same memory. It was still hard to remember most anything from those dreams, but that voice never went away. Always the same words, every single time.

_"How thick is the blood on your hands?"_

Roxas's voice brought the memory back, the words back. They were like a million tiny little things crawling under his skin, squirming inside his skull. They wouldn't stop echoing. Riku squeezed his eyes shut. They wouldn't—

"Stop it stop it _stop it!_" he shrieked.

It didn't stop.

Maybe he deserved it.

Roxas and the voice were both right. It wasn't just the Larxenes, it was countless other Replicas sent by the Organization, sent by Saix. It was most of the Organization. So many people, dead by his hand and, worst of all…

_Worst of all…_

Aerith and Leon weren't supposed to know. They weren't supposed to find out like this, if at all. If they were to ever know, it would be because he told them. Except, how did you tell people who loved you _this? _How did you tell them that you were a _monster?_

Laugher. He could hear laughter. Roxas's? It sounded like Roxas's. But it also sounded like…

"Riku?" Aerith's voice. _Aerith. _"Riku, is this… is he…?"

"We were in a _war_." Vexen. Vexen, defending him! "He didn't really have a choice—"

"Oh, didn't he?" Roxas's voice, for sure, but something was off, something was definitely off. "Because, I thought he wanted—"

"I wanted to kill them."

The words tumbled out of Riku's mouth. He didn't know why. They just did, and there was nothing he could do about it. His heart pounded in his chest, in his throat. There was a searing pain inside his skull.

"The Larxenes…" Roxas began.

"I wanted to kill them, I wanted to kill the Larxenes, _I wanted to see them suffer._"

It was like something was reaching inside him, down his throat, and dragging the words back out, ripping them from his mouth.

"Yes, and not only that. He—"

"I enjoyed it. I- _I enjoyed it._" He laughed and sobbed at the same time. That wasn't wrong. He had. (_Monster, monster, monster, they were all right—) _"I enjoyed it and I'm _disgusting _I'm a monster I'm a—"

"_Dispel!"_

_ "Stop!"_

Leon and Aerith's voices, in quick succession. The pain left Riku's skull, along with the sensation of something crawling under his skin. He could still move, meaning, the Stop had been for Roxas.

Riku didn't open his eyes, though. Keeping them shut wouldn't do anything, he knew that, but the longer he can pretend _that didn't all just happen _the better. How- how had Roxas…? _Had_ that been Roxas? There was something about the push against Riku's mind that he thought he recognized, but—

"Riku, please," Aerith said. He didn't know where she was, but he felt _someone _standing near him. Maybe it was her. Whoever it was didn't try to touch him, at least, which he was grateful for. "Please, whatever he- all those things he made you say, I'm- I'm _sure—"_

"Roxas, what's gotten into you!?" Joseph was shouting. "I know you've been kinda different ever since Axel brought you back but this _really _isn't like you at all!"

"What in the _worlds _just…?" Even. That was Even.

"It's not your fault," Vexen's voice, cutting through it all. "I'm at as much fault as you are, I'm the one who built you. This… there's more to this than just—"

Riku staggered to the side, away from Aerith, away from everyone. He couldn't… He couldn't do this. He couldn't do—Aerith, Leon. They weren't supposed to know. And _Joseph_—they weren't supposed to know how had Roxas _known?_

He fell more than he stumbled through the dark corridor he formed.

**xxx**

"_Dispel!"_

_ "Stop!"_

The first time Roxas had spoken and Riku responded as if prompted was a surprise. The second, worrying. By the third, they'd had enough. It had only taken a look between them to communicate their plan of action.

Leon cast Dispel—maybe it wouldn't do anything, but it wouldn't hurt to try.

Aerith cast the Stop, because her Stop spells were much stronger than Leon's. Hopefully, that'd keep Roxas from doing anything more.

Whether from the Dispel or from Stopping Roxas, Riku slumped a little. He kept clutching his head, and he still breathed heavily, but he didn't look like he was being held up on strings anymore. Aerith rushed over to him. Leon let out a slight sigh of relief.

He didn't know what had been going on, but, he was glad it was over. Or, at least, mostly over. He swallowed and tried to push the things Riku said out of his mind. There'd be time to worry about those later. For now, Leon turned to Roxas.

They had 20 seconds minimum, before the Stop wore off. There was no telling how much Aerith had put into it without asking her, but, 20 to 30 seconds was standard. They had a minute, tops, if she really poured her energy into it.

Leon wondered what Roxas would do when the Stop broke. Would he attack? Would he go after Riku again? Leon wished he had his gunblade with him.

"Roxas, what's gotten into you!?" Joseph shouted, moving towards Roxas. "I know you've been kinda different ever since Axel brought you back, but this _really _isn't like you at all!"

"Stay back," Leon warned.

Joseph sent a skeptical glance at him, but stopped where he stood. Roxas was maybe three paces from where Leon was, the couch between them. Joseph was to Leon's left, on the other side of the couch, and only a few paces away from Roxas himself.

"I don't understand," Joseph said. "Roxas isn't like this. I mean, like I said, he's been different ever since he came back, but, not _this _different. _This_ is… hmm…" Joseph paused, humming slightly to himself. He stroked his chin as he thought. "It's a little like Xigbar. Well, when Xigbar's being _mean_, anyway."

Leon frowned—he didn't know who Xigbar was, outside of the name. He started to ask Joseph, but then he heard a dark corridor open. Then he heard Aerith.

"Riku, wait—!"

Leon turned as quickly as he could.

Riku was gone.

"What happened?" Leon asked, stepping towards Aerith. She stood not inches from where Riku had been, hands outstretched. "Where'd he go?"

Aerith shook her head. She sent only a look in Leon's direction, but that was enough for him to see the way her eyes pinched with distress. "I… I don't know," she said. "Home, maybe, or… Destiny Islands? He's been going there a lot lately."

"We'll have to check both," Leon said. _And fast, _his thoughts added. He reached for his pocket, then groaned. "Oh _no, _we can't."

Aerith turned to him. "Why not?"

"Riku had the star shard."

They'd used his to come here, instead of using the other one they had in the house. It'd made more sense, so that if Yuffie or Cid needed to go anywhere…

Aerith's eyes widened, and then she let out strained breath, pressing her hands to her mouth. She only ever did that if she was thinking hard, or upset. Leon rubbed at his head himself. Riku being on his own after what had just happened wouldn't—couldn't—be good. They could call Yuffie to come get them, but…

"Hey, don't worry!" Joseph chimed. "I don't have a star shard, but I can get you to Riku right away, regardless of _where _he went."

Leon looked up at him. He smiled a reassuring smile at Leon, and then at Aerith when she looked at him too.

"Trust me," Joseph said. "I've done it a bunch before."

"Shouldn't we do something about Roxas, though?" Even asked. The raise of his eyebrows suggested he was more amused with the situation than worried.

Joseph waved the idea away. "Oh, come on, you guys can handle that on your own!" he said. "You won't need Aerith or Leon for that."

"Hmm, I don't know." Vexen shook his head, looking entirely unconvinced. "I mean, Even and I on our own would fare well enough, if he's calmed down, but I'm afraid if he hasn't and we call down Amaryllis or someone, that might only provoke him further—"

"_Hey!_"

Roxas.

Leon hadn't been counting the seconds, but he wasn't surprised the Stop had run out. It felt like it had been long enough.

"Why was I stopped?" Roxas demanded.

As Leon directed his attention to Roxas, he saw that Roxas was a lot less… _whatever _he'd been earlier. The way he held his Keyblades still made Leon tense, but_, _that unsettling grin was gone without a trace.

"And where'd Riku go?" Roxas continued, looking between all of them. He squinted. "Wait, when did you all _move_? Even if I was stopped, I still should've been able to—" He stopped there, features first going slack, then scrunching up in what _almost _appeared to be a casual sort of horror. "I don't remember anything from the past three, three and a half minutes," he said finally.

Leon frowned. He could think of a lot of reasons why someone might suddenly have a gap in their memory, and none of them were comforting in the context of everything that had just happened. He felt Aerith's eyes on him, and looked her way. From her expression, she was having similar thoughts.

Unsaid but understood between them was the fact that they still needed to head after Riku _soon._

"If you're wondering what happened, _well_," Joseph started.

"No, no, uh, Joseph, that's. There's no need for…" Vexen hastily closed the distance between him and the boy, grabbing him by the arm to pull him away from Roxas. "Roxas was just, uh. He was…"

"Leaving?" Even finished.

Roxas laughed. "Nice try, but I didn't forget _that _much. Though…"

He considered the spot Riku had previously been for a few moments, and then the Keyblades disappeared from his hands. "I think I got all the answers I needed, and since Riku's not here to push around anymore, I guess I _am_ done."

He glared, first at Vexen, then Even. "But don't think you're off the hook," he warned, with a wag of his finger.

A dark corridor opened around him. He was gone.

"Pity he didn't stay any longer… Or, didn't come under such circumstances, I suppose I should say," Even sighed. "I would've liked the chance to talk to him. What? Don't give me that look!" That comment appeared to be directed at Vexen. Vexen was not making any faces when Leon looked, though. "He was one of few Replicas to be made while I was not around. It would have been nice."

"Would've been nice if he hadn't pointed Keyblades at us half the time, too," Joseph added. He shook his head, though, as if not actually bothered by it. "But, anyway—we going to get Riku? Like I said, I can take you straight to him."

Aerith nodded.

"Yeah, that'd be great," Leon said.

"Thank you," Aerith said.

"Sure!" Joseph beamed at them, then looked up at Vexen. Vexen _had _let go of Joseph's arm, but he hadn't moved. "You, uh, coming too, Vexen? Ooorrr…" He dragged the word out, as he waited for an answer.

"Oh!" Vexen blinked a few times. "I, um…" He started to say more, then didn't. He closed his mouth, shook his head slightly, took a step back from Joseph. If Leon was any good at reading people (and, actually, he _was _pretty good), he'd say Vexen wanted to go, but didn't think it a good idea. Leon couldn't say if he agreed or not. But, considering Riku's general attitude towards Vexen, maybe it was better if he didn't come. He might just make things worse.

"Alright then!" Joseph said, entirely unperturbed. He took a deep breath, wiggled his fingers in the air beside him a moment, then nodded. A dark corridor opened. "Sorry we gotta use a dark corridor," he apologized. "This would've worked with a star shard, but like I said, I don't got one on me right now, and I figure we gotta move fast."

"We should," Leon admitted. They'd left Riku on his own long enough.

Aerith moved towards the dark corridor, shoulders set in a steady determination that Leon recognized and knew he could not deter even if he wanted to. "One trip won't kill us," she said, and stepped through.

"It won't," Joseph assured Leon. He waved for Leon to go through next.

Leon laughed slightly in spite of himself, only for the fact Joseph thought he needed to be reassured. It was a grim laughter, though. His thoughts were on Riku. They weren't on the potential dangers of dark corridors.

He stepped through, darkness like liquid against his skin as he did. Leon just hoped Joseph knew what he was doing, and where he was taking them. He hoped Riku was on the other side.


	60. In which Riku wrestles a moral dilemma

**AN/ **Heya! I missed last Wednesday because this chapter and the next needed pretty serious edits, so I had to fix them before I could upload them! So, yeah, that's that. I hope you enjoy this chapter - it was a real tough one to write.

* * *

Riku did not stop to take in the scenery when the dark corridor spat him out. If he had, he would've felt the grass beneath his feet, seen the endless sea of stars above him, the faint twilight glimmering on the horizon. As it was, he only sent a disinterested glance at the tower that stretched impossibly high into the sky above him.

Sora. He was here for Sora.

_Sora knows. _The words echoed in his head._ Sora knows, Sora knows what it's like—_

(_"Have you ever… killed anyone, Riku?"_)

He wasn't sure where to start looking for Sora, but, it turned out he didn't have to look far.

Sora and Aqua were both outside the tower, a little ways to Riku's right, going through basic Keyblade forms. Not that Riku really registered what they were doing. He just registered they were there. That Sora was there.

_Sora knows. Sora knows._

("_How thick is the blood on your hands, Riku?_")

"Whoa, hey, Riku, you okay?" Sora's voice. Sora…

Riku squeezed his eyes shut a moment. He'd lowered one hand to his side already, but the other still hung out clutched in the back of his hair. He moved it enough so he could tap his fingers against his neck. One. Two. Three. Four times. The slight sting of pain, the sound, the numbers—they grounded him. Well, as best as he could be grounded right now.

He opened his eyes. He could see Sora a little more clearly—his sight wasn't quite as blurry at the edges. Aqua's shape fully registered to his brain.

"I, uh," Riku said. He blinked a few times, trying to get his vision to stop swimming. The words from his nightmare continued to reverberate in his skull, along with everything Roxas had made him say. (_"I wanted to kill them, I enjoyed it, I'm a monster—"_) He took a shuddering breath, trying to hold in tears. He wouldn't cry, not here, not now, not over this. He _wouldn't._

"Riku?" Sora pressed, taking a few steps in his direction.

"I, I need to talk to you, Sora, I- I need to—"

"Yeah, yeah, alright," Sora said. He held up his hands to Riku. They were empty. Riku didn't remember him banishing his Keyblade. "Sorry Aqua."

"No, that's fine," she said. "This seems important. I'll give you space."

She and Sora exchanged quick partial bows, and then Aqua moved towards the tower, and Sora grabbed Riku by the hand. Sora dragged him over to the edge of the world, where the grass and ground just _stopped _and let out into an endless sky. Riku didn't really notice the drop, didn't notice how Sora kept them plenty ways away from the edge. All he really noticed was the pounding of his own heart and his head.

"H- H- How do you deal with it?" he asked Sora. He felt like he was going to choke.

Sora's eyes were narrowed with concern, with confusion. "Deal with what?" he asked.

Riku swallowed. Opened and closed his hands a few times.

"Killing people."

Sora staggered. Horror flashed across his face, and he took two—two, Riku counted—heaving gasps of air. Then he was silent, head moving to the side, like he was running something over in his mind. Riku didn't pay much attention, then. His mind was still spinning, still echoing, and without Sora providing an immediate distraction…

Riku focused on trying to breathe around the tightness of his throat, on not picking—he wouldn't, he wouldn't, he'd disappoint Aerith, _he wouldn't_—and just, trying to breathe. Trying not to hear the words still going on loop in his head. ("_Can't own up to wanting to kill me? It's not like I'd be the FIRST!"_) The world seemed to be swaying around him.

"Um, I, I thought it didn't…" Sora began, then shook his head sharply. He pounded a fist furiously into his hand. "No, that's dumb, it's obviously bugging you now. Look—"

He reached out and grabbed Riku by the hands, lightly enough for Riku to pull away if he wanted to. Riku didn't, though, instead he held on and squeezed. He was grateful for something to anchor himself. With Sora's hands in his, everything seemed to sway a little less.

"Take a deep breath," Sora instructed, blue eyes swimming with concern. Riku did as told. "I don't, I dunno if I can help you, but, first of all, you gotta calm down."

Riku nodded. Squeezed Sora's hands tighter.

Sora took a deep breath himself. Something in his eyes made Riku mimic the action.

"Listen, you've gotta have some kind of system in place for when this happens to you, man," Sora said. "When you're freaking out. What do you do?"

Riku swallowed. "C- count," he stammered.

Sora raised his eyebrows. "You count?"

Riku nodded.

"Okay," Sora said. He nodded back. "Okay. We'll count. Ready? One… two… three…"

Riku repeated after him, though Sora did it wrong, didn't go fast enough. Once he'd found his voice, Riku fixed the rhythm, and Sora settled into it with him. Riku did his best to block out everything else. Did his best to focus only on the numbers and Sora's voice and the feel of Sora's hands in his. It helped, kind of.

For a bit.

But then the numbers became faces, became memories.

Seven (a Larxene pinned to the wall, his blade in her gut).

Eight (a Lexaeus Replica, slaughtered in a moment of darkness-high).

Nine (Demyx, dead just because he was in the way).

The list kept going in Riku's head, with each number, until he was tripping over them as he counted. He thought he might be sick. Numbers were the steadiest thing he knew—even if not the most distracting thing, at times. When he couldn't rely on them…

"Look, hang on, this isn't working—yeah, _shut up!_" Sora quickly shook his head. "Sorry. Not you, Riku. Here… try something with me."

He pulled one of his hands away from Riku, then reached down and started patting a simple rhythm against his thigh.

"Two times two is?"

"Four," Riku answered, automatically.

"Two times three is?"

"Six."

"Two times four is?"

"Eight."

They kept going like that, Sora speaking with the same cadence as the rhythm he was tapping. Riku answered each without hesitation—he didn't have to think too hard about this, seeing as it was basic times tables, but he had to think enough that it was distracting. It was repetitive, too. And calming.

Honestly, Riku didn't know why he'd never thought of it before.

"You good, now?" Sora asked, as they finished the threes.

Riku nodded, slowly. The world wasn't spinning, anymore, and he felt like he could breathe again. The words from his nightmares still echoed in his head, but they didn't feel like they'd pound through his skull. And, there was still something writhing in his stomach, but…

He definitely felt better.

"Yeah…" he said. "I mean—"

Sora nodded. "I know. And, I- I really wish I knew how to answer your question, Riku…" He reached up to scratch the back of his neck, casting his eyes down to the grass. "But, I haven't really, figured that out, myself. Obviously, try not to think about it all the time, but, for times like _this…_"

Riku reached up and rubbed at his arm with his free hand. The other was still gripping Sora's. "That's okay," he told Sora. "I just, I figured, if- if anyone was gonna know."

"Yeah." Sora nodded again. "Yeah, and, I wish I did. What, uh… What brought this on?"

Riku licked his lips and opened his mouth, but didn't get a chance to start explaining.

A dark corridor opened a few feet away from where he and Sora stood. From it stepped Aerith, shaking herself, then Leon, scowling, and finally, Joseph. Joseph was grinning.

"See, I told you!" he said. "I knew what I was doing."

"We never—" Aerith began, in a kind voice, but Joseph didn't give her the chance to say any more. He was running over to Riku and Sora.

"Hi Sora!" Joseph waved enthusiastically, beaming up at Sora. He didn't have to look up that far, though—Sora was only about half a foot taller than him.

Sora smiled back at him, less enthusiastically. "Hi," he said, though.

"Are you okay?" Aerith asked, moving towards Riku. "Are you…?"

Leon hovered behind her, the same concern in his eyes. Riku's heart tugged a little in his chest. His stomach flip-flopped.

"I…" He swallowed. Tried his hardest to meet Aerith's eyes. He squeezed Sora's hand. Sora squeezed back. "I'm… okay," he answered.

Things were still a little shaky. But, his head was a lot clearer, and things were steadier with Sora here, somehow. And, now that Aerith and Leon were here—_oh_. Oh no. He still had to explain. He still had to tell them. He still had to…

"Hey, Aerith? Leon?" Joseph said, turning towards them. "You can get, uh, home from here, right? If you don't need me, I should probably get back home myself. It's…" he dragged the word out, grimaced, "been a while. 29's probably getting worried."

"We'll be alright," Leon answered. "Riku has a star shard."

"So do I," Sora added.

Joseph nodded. "Oh, riiiiight." He backed away from the group, gave a quick salute to them all. "Well, see ya!" Something burned in his eyes, as he opened a dark corridor. Riku got the feeling he wasn't going just because 29 would be worried.

Either way, he was glad. Having this conversation while Joseph stuck around would've been awful.

"Okay, now that he's gone, what, uh…" Sora stopped to swallow, to lick his lips. In a quieter tone, he continued: "What _happened_?"

"Roxas showed up in Castle Oblivion," Leon began.

The explanation took long enough that they all sat down on the grass, still just feet from the edge of the world. Bushes spread along the edge on either side of them. Riku and Sora sat next to each other, Riku still gripping Sora's hand—it was serving as a nice anchor, and Sora hadn't complained yet. Aerith and Leon sat across from them. They both looked troubled. Riku tried not to think too hard about why.

The two of them did most of the explaining. Riku spoke up only when he needed to, like to clarify why Roxas had been upset. Aerith and Leon hadn't been there when Roxas had been Rebuilt, so they couldn't provide that context. As for the things Roxas had made him say? Those could wait. Just a bit. They could wait.

"And… that's when you came here?" Sora said, looking to Riku.

Riku nodded at him. He stared at the grass, the dandelions in front him.

"What happened to Roxas?" Sora asked.

"He left once he realized Riku had," Leon answered.

"Which seems strange, because, I got the impression it was more than just Riku he should have been mad at," Aerith said. She ran her fingers over the grass next to her—Riku could see that without looking up. "So, why only focus on Riku?"

Riku shrugged. "Who knows," he mumbled. He was just glad it was over.

A silence weighed heavy in the air. Reflexively, Riku hunched in on himself. He saw Aerith shift, hands pulling into her lap, leaning forward. He could feel the breath in her lungs as if it was his own.

"As for…" There seemed to be an eternity between those words and her next. "What… What he made you say." She faltered there, but her question was clear enough.

Riku took a shuddering breath. He didn't want to tell them but he had to tell them because they already knew. They knew, now. And, they deserved to know it from him.

"It was… It was true…" Riku said, grinding out the words between his clenched teeth. He kept his head down, scared of seeing the horror on Aerith's face, the distrust that would surely show on Leon's. "What I said. I guess- I guess Roxas made me say it, I don't really understand, but it wasn't like… Wasn't like those things _weren't _what I—"

Tears burned hot on his cheeks, and he hated how they felt, hated how much his head hurt, how hard it was to breathe. He hadn't felt this disgustingly _weak _in a long time, and it made him sick to his stomach. (Not just because of the feeling, but also because he knew _this wasn't weakness, _he just couldn't get his mind to accept that no matter how hard he tried.)

"I wanted to kill them," he choked. "I wanted to kill the Larxenes, wanted to see her dead, I've always wanted to see her _dead. _So I killed what imitations of her I could find." He pulled his hand out of Sora's. Clenched his hands into fists in front of him. "I- I wanted her to _suffer_, like she'd made _me _suffer. Did- did you—?" He looked up at them, now, pleading, confused. "Did you _forget _that I went all the way to the other universe just to _slaughter _her? Did you think that was only _then _that I wanted to!?"

"Riku—"

It was not Aerith or Leon who spoke, it was Sora. He reached for Riku's arm. Riku pulled away. Ducked his head back down.

(_"Only… Only monsters do that to other people, Riku." "…you think I'm a monster?" – that, and the deafening silence after._)

"I'm- I'm a _monster." _The words were like bile in his throat. He couldn't find it in him to deny them. "I'm _disgusting, _I wanted to—"

It was Leon, who interrupted this time.

"Riku, please, don't—"

"You don't know what I wanted to_ do to her_!"

None of them replied for a long moment. Riku reached up, digging fingers into his hair. They didn't know this, either. Did they deserve to know? Did they deserve to know how awful he really was? It'd been a long time since he'd felt this sick.

"No… we don't," Aerith said. She spoke with a careful slowness. "But I think I can imagine."

A sob heaved in Riku's chest.

"I… I would've… If- Namine hadn't stopped me. If- if _they _hadn't stopped me…" He scrubbed at his tears with the heels of his hands. He couldn't remember feeling so awful about it after it had first happened, but _now… _"I'm- I'm _just as bad as she is_."

"Don't say that," Aerith pleaded. "You're nothing like her, Riku. I know what she's like, and, I- I _know _that sometimes, you act a little like her…"

Riku flinched.

"But not _all _the time," Aerith pressed on, firmly. "And that's important. Habits are hard to break, but you _are _breaking them. You are someone else. You are so much better than her."

"But I—"

"You're not her, Riku," Leon said. "You won't ever be like her, if you don't want to be. Listen, the mere fact you're scared of becoming like her?"

"Proves you won't," Sora finished. "Proves you're better."

Riku took a deep breath. Let his hands fall from his face.

He looked up, slowly, first to Sora, because that was easy. He knew what he'd find on Sora's face—because Sora was simple, Sora was familiar. There was a genuineness in his eyes that matched his tone, a small encouraging smile on his lips.

Riku dared to glance at Aerith and Leon. Aerith's face was tight, painted with the same expression she'd worn the night he told her the hurt that weighed on his heart, the night she'd offered him a place in her home. Leon wore a similar expression, though less intense. And, something else burned in his eyes.

There was no horror, though. No judgement, on either of their faces. None of the things Riku feared.

It was strange.

Riku clutched his hands together, taking a shaky breath.

"I… I just want…"

"Listen, Riku," Aerith said. "I won't say it's right. I won't say it's okay, because…" She stopped. Her face darkened.

"Well, it's not, really," Leon finished. Aerith sent him a look. He shrugged. He seemed hesitant to look at either her or Riku. "It's not, _exactly, _right. That you wanted to kill people, that you, uh, _did. _But, what we're trying to say is Larxene… She's a separate story. And I don't think anyone would go this far without being pushed to that point, first."

"I…" Riku began, but he wasn't sure what to say.

"We understand," Aerith said. She held her hands together in her lap. "It's a heavy weight to carry. _We understand. _But—"

"There's nothing in this world that can't be forgiven," Sora said.

Aerith turned to him, surprised. He wasn't looking at her, or anyone. He was staring past her, past Leon, face set in firm determination. His hands were pressed in the grass behind him for support as he leaned back a little.

Sora didn't say anything more. Aerith nodded to herself.

"Exactly," she said.

"Exactly," Leon echoed.

There was something budding in Riku's chest, but he didn't dare say anything, didn't dare argue. He just sat there, and he waited, and he listened. (A part of him argued he didn't deserve this, whatever this was—the rest of him wanted this too bad to let that part win.)

"We don't think you're a monster, Riku," Aerith said, and it was like he could breathe again.

"You're just a kid who's had too many bad things happen to him," Leon said.

"And, you're _family._"

"That doesn't mean you'll get a pass if this sort of thing happens again—"

"But we love you, Riku. The fact you're sorry for what you did is enough. It has to be enough, because, there's nothing more you can do."

"_Please _don't beat yourself up over it."

Aerith fixed him with a kind smile, and Leon, a patient one. Riku heaved a sigh of relief, grateful, so grateful, to hear all those words. The world wasn't so shaky, any more. The echoes in his head were quieter.

"I…" he began. He wasn't sure how to put what he felt into words, but, he was sure he had to try.

"It's okay," Aerith said, though. "It's okay."

Riku closed his mouth. He sat there and just… _breathed. _It was okay. Everything was fine.

They didn't hate him. They didn't think he was a monster. There was still a heaviness in his chest, but it felt like an enormous weight had been lifted from his shoulders. It was a good feeling. With it swelling in his chest, he could take the voices still echoing in his mind, and tune them out entirely.

Everything really was fine.


	61. In which Sora asks a question

**AN/ **Heya! I have some unfortunate news! I was planning on taking a hiatus after part 3 ended, but it turns out I have to take the hiatus a lot sooner! Personal life has been a bit stressful, but most importantly, we've gotten to the point where I can't function without a buffer any longer. I've gotten too slow when it comes to writing chapters to even reliably finish them every two weeks, so it's just been stress after stress for me, and I don't think I'm producing my best work!

So, I'm taking an indefinite amount of time off to build the buffer back up - I hated posting chapters months after I'd written them, but I think I hate this no buffer / constant pressing deadline thing a _lot _more.

I decided to still upload this chapter though, since I had it done, and it wraps up this sequence for the most part. Please enjoy. I'll see you guys again eventually!

* * *

Sora leaned over and nudged Riku, peering at him.

"Hey, how you feeling buddy?" he asked. He was pretty sure Riku was doing okay, now, after all that, but he thought it might be best to check.

Riku took a careful breath, and then he nodded. And he smiled. Sora's heart swelled in his chest. (He half expected Kano to comment, but Kano was still nothing but a distant buzz in the back of his mind—their link wasn't stifled, Kano was just choosing to stay silent.)

"Much better," Riku said. It was quiet, but it was confident, too.

Sora beamed at him and patted him on the back. He hadn't really said much in this conversation, but it was good to see that Riku was feeling better anyway. Riku took a deep breath. Sora squeezed his shoulder.

"I guess we should get headed home, then," Aerith said. She got to her feet and adjusted her skirts. Leon got his feet right after her, nodding his agreements.

"Well," Sora said, as he pushed from Riku's shoulder to get himself to his feet, then offered a hand to help Riku up. "If you guys don't mind waiting a couple minutes, I'll follow you home. I just gotta talk to Aqua first, 'n let her know." He laughed a little, and pulled his hand away from Riku to rub the back of his neck. "What a wonderful way to spend my second day of training, huh?"

"You don't _have _to see us home," Aerith assured him.

Sora waved her off, and laughed with a little more confidence. "Nah, seriously, I'm done for today," he said. Complaining about the lack of training had been a joke. "After all that, I'm not really… in the mood to keep training. So, might as well hang out with you for a bit, Riku, 'less you don't want me to." Sora leaned towards Riku, grinning.

A quick—grateful?—smile spread across Riku's lips, then he twisted his mouth into a more neutral position. "Why would I care?" he said, in a carefully disinterested manner.

Sora rolled his eyes and laughed. Riku wasn't fooling _him._

"Well, I better go talk to Aqua, so I don't keep you guys waitin' too long," Sora said. He sent one last grin at Riku, then turned and started for the tower. He'd gotten only maybe two steps when Kano stopped him.

'_Sora, wait, don't you need to ask Leon about something? I mean, about… you know.'_

Sora stopped mid-step, all poised to take another. It took him a second to remember _what _thing Kano was talking about, but a little nonverbal conveyance of images and memories cleared that up. A while ago, Sora asked Cloud the same question Riku'd asked him. _How do you cope with killing people? _Cloud hadn't had an answer, but he said Leon might be someone to ask.

"That's right…" Sora said, under his breath. He put his foot down and started to turn back around. Then he paused. _Wait, is now a good time?_

He got the sense of Kano rolling his eyes.

'_I mean, he's right there,' _Kano said.

_Yeah, but, like, after everything else we just talked about—should I really bug him with… _Sora stopped before he finished asking, already sensing Kano's coming laughter.

'_Please, like I'M the one you should be asking about that.'_

Sora glared shortly at him. But, he supposed Kano had a point.

'_Listen,' _Kano said. '_I'd say ask him now, so you won't forget again. I_ _can't keep remembering things for you forever, Sora.'_

_ Yeah, that's true, _Sora agreed. _Thanks for reminding me, anyway._

_ 'Uh-huh.'_

Sora turned around for real now, looking to Leon. Leon's eyebrows were raised in question, and even Riku and Aerith looked a little confused. Sora decided not to think about how long he'd been standing there, discussing that over with Kano. Instead, he cut straight to the chase.

"Actually, hey, Leon, can I ask you something?" Sora said. Then he looked over at Riku, figured it'd be best not to weigh this on _him, _and rethought. "Um, privately, if possible." He swallowed. Hoped he didn't sound too nervous.

Leon looked at him with those raised eyebrows a moment more, then shrugged.

"Alright, sure," he said.

"Cool." Sora smiled in his relief. "It shouldn't take long." That was as much to reassure Leon as to reassure Aerith and Riku.

They headed closer to the tower, since at this point, it was about the only place they could go for some privacy. Standing near—but not on—the doorstep is where they paused.

"Alright," Leon said. "What did you want to ask me about?"

"Um," Sora began, only to get distracted. Kano'd stifled their link, for some reason. Why'd he do that?

Sora poked a little, and felt a thin shred of disinterest coming from Kano. That was strange. If he wasn't interested in this—and, now that Sora thought about it, he wasn't sure why Kano _would _be interested—why had he reminded Sora to ask? Maybe he'd honestly just been trying to be helpful. The thought made Sora feel warm inside.

"Sora?" Leon asked. When Sora returned his attention to Leon, Leon was watching him steadily, politely. "What was it you wanted to ask me?" he repeated.

"Sorry," Sora said, out of habit. He started playing with his fingers as he spoke. "Y'see, I was talking to Cloud a while back, and he mentioned that you fought and, um, killed a sorceress." Sora remembered, now, that Cloud had also mentioned Aerith, but… too late for that.

Leon raised his eyebrows, but nodded. "Yeah. Two, technically."

Sora nodded back at him, not sure how else to respond. He kept plodding ahead.

"Well, I… Riku seems to have gotten everything figured out, but I. I mean." Sora sighed. Tugged at his fingers. It was hard to look right at Leon. "I just wanted to know how you cope. With, y'know, the idea that you killed somebody."

Leon's eyebrows raised a little higher.

"You…?" he began.

Sora nodded quickly. "Yeah. I mean, there was Ansem, and Maleficent, and most of the Organization—"

"That's right," Leon said. He instantly looked apologetic. "I knew that. I just hadn't thought…" He broke off, grimacing hard.

"It's okay," Sora assured him.

Leon didn't respond. He reached up to rub at his temple, sighing deeply.

After a long moment, he said:

"Honestly, I'm not sure if I'm the best person to answer that. The sorceresses I fought, they were…" Leon stopped. Groaned a little. He lowered his hand, after another moment, then crossed his arms over his chest. "I know they were people, and sometimes I wonder why it had to be _us, _why _we _had to do it, but… Ultimecia was a very real threat to another world, and she had to be stopped." There was an absolute certainty in his tone. "Killing her wasn't fun, but we didn't really have another choice. Adel? Similar dilemma, just pile on the fact she personally attacked us."

"R-right…" Sora said. He supposed he understood that.

Leon must've read something into Sora's tone. He put on a kinder face, though his arms remained crossed over his chest.

"Listen, what about you?" he said. "The people you fought? I mean, I'm not going to say killing is necessarily _right, _and, boy do I wish a decision like that had never fallen to your shoulders, but… None of them were good people, were they?"

Sora mulled that over.

"Well…" he began, but he was hesitant to call them all_ evil_. "No," he admitted, though. He couldn't find a way to put his thoughts into words right. It wasn't that he was defending them, it was just…

Evil felt like a really strong word.

"Then there you have it," Leon said. "Maybe you don't want to call people like you and me heroes, but the people we fought were evil, and they had to be stopped, one way or another."

Sora swallowed. "Yeah, that's… that's fair," he said, with all the confidence he could muster.

Leon started to say something more, but then Aerith came up behind him, laying a hand on her shoulder to get his attention. He turned to her. Sora tried to smile politely.

"Listen, I'd like to do something," Aerith said. "And, I'd like to go ahead and get it done now. I was thinking I take the star shard, and then Sora can give you and Riku a ride home?" She looked to Sora. "Sora, is that okay with you?"

"Uh, yeah," Sora answered, with only a slight pause. "I can do that."

"Okay!" Aerith smiled gratefully at him. "Leon?"

"Go for it," he told her.

Aerith bobbed her head in a quick nod, and started to pull away from them. "Alright then. It shouldn't take me long." She smiled at Leon. "I'll meet you at home." That said, she returned to Riku, likely to get the star shard from him.

"Just, uh, give me ten minutes," Sora said, pointing a thumb toward the tower. "I gotta let know Aqua I'm leaving, but once I've done that, I can take you and Riku home."

Leon raised his eyebrows at Sora.

"Wait, was that it?" he asked.

Sora nodded. It was about all Leon could help him with, he felt like. And, he didn't want to make Riku wait too long by himself. That seemed like it might be a bad idea.

"Oh, alright then," Leon said. He let his arms fall from his chest, and sighed a little. "Well, I'm glad I could help. And, I'm sorry I couldn't help more."

"Don't worry about it," Sora told him, with a smile. "You helped plenty."

He tapped his toes against the ground as he said it. It wasn't, exactly, true. But it was enough.

Leon nodded. He reached out and patted Sora on the shoulder.

"Listen, don't beat yourself up over it," he said. "I know it's a heavy burden to carry, but it was the right thing. You did the right thing." He smiled reassuringly at Sora, then nodded towards the tower. "Now go do what you need to do."

Sora nodded back at him and headed inside.

He was confronted with a flight of stairs once he entered. Squinting up at them, he started to wonder if—magic or no—it would always take at least a single flight of stairs to get where he was going. "Please get me to Aqua," Sora whispered, patting the banister. He hoped the tower would listen. He, actually, wasn't sure how to get to Aqua otherwise, outside of a star shard.

As he got climbing, Sora churned everything Leon had said over in his head. Leon was right. They _had _been bad people. But Sora was still… troubled.

'_What'cha chewing on?' _Kano asked.

Sora found himself smiling in spite of himself. The thing was: Kano didn't have to ask. He didn't have to pretend to care about this if he didn't want to. But, the fact he wanted to try and help was nice.

"Thinking about what Leon said," Sora answered. Out loud, because it was always easier that way, in these moments when they were alone. "I know what he means, I just… I dunno…"

He wasn't worried about Ansem or Xemnas, really. Calling _Ansem _evil wasn't something he found hard to do, and, he trusted Mickey's judgement on Xemnas—and, on Xehanort, he supposed. Maleficent… Well, there was a lot more in her death he was worried about than whether or not it should've happened.

'_Sorry about that…' _Kano said slowly, guilt welling up within him.

Sora shook his head firmly. He was tempted to stop where he was on the stairs, except it wasn't like he'd be stopping so he could look at Kano properly. He couldn't look at Kano at all.

"Don't worry about it," Sora told him. "How many times do I have to tell you? _I forgive you._"

Kano shifted uncomfortably.

'_But…' _he began.

Sora shook his head. "Like I told Riku—there's nothing in these worlds that can't be forgiven."

Kano paused. Realization passed through him, slowly at first, then all at once.

'_You were thinking about me when you said that_,' he said.

"Yeah," Sora answered, plainly. There was no point hiding that. "Because… Listen, man, I understand you did a lot of pretty bad things. Making me kill Maleficent included. I can't let you off the hook if it happens again, but..."

Sora took a deep breath. He was confident in the fact his mind couldn't be changed on this one.

"I know you want to change, and that's more than enough for me," he said. "You'll never change if I don't give you the chance to."

Kano didn't say anything. His emotions, though, were clear. Sora felt surprise… warmth… Maybe something else. An uneasiness, for sure, but only of the _I'm-not-really-sure-what-to-say _kind.

Sora allowed himself a smile. But, only a small one. There were still other things on his mind.

"Anyway, then there's the rest of the Organization…" he said, quietly. He felt a little bad for bringing the subject back to this, but he still had thoughts to mull over. Kano didn't seem to mind, at least. In fact, he still seemed perfectly willing to help.

'_What about them?' _Kano asked.

Sora shrugged. He ran his fingers along the wall beside him—actually, this was the only staircase he'd been on in this tower that _had _a wall on one side, now that he thought about it. But, never mind that.

"I know, like, as a group, Organization 13 was doing bad things," Sora said. "But, what about the individuals? I just can't make myself consider _all _of them evil."

Kano laughed. He didn't sound surprised, just exasperated, and—oh. He thought Sora was stupid for thinking that way.

'_Sora, come on, they were working with that Xemnas guy, weren't they? Or, Xehanort?' _Kano said. There was a haughtiness beating strong in him. '_I may not know EVERYTHING about this, but you can't tell me you don't think anyone working with Xehanort is just as bad as he is!'_

"Well, I mean," Sora began, scowling. He wasn't entirely sure how to argue with that. "What about _you_?" he asked, instead.

'_What do _I _have to do with Xehanort?'_

"No, I meant—" Sora growled and shook his head. He stopped on the steps now, kicking the step below him with his toes. "Like, I thought you were evil, but then, you _weren't_, so…"

'_So you think _Xehanort's _not actually evil!?'_

"No!" Sora shouted, throwing his hands into the air. Kano was _in his chest, _he should know what he meant! "I mean the Organization members! Some of them, anyway. How do I know if _they're _evil?"

'_I'm pretty sure that had nothing to do with me 'never being evil', and everything with me turning over a new leaf, or, however the hell you want to put it,' _Kano argued. Annoyance beat hard in him. Whether because Kano was annoyed or because Sora himself was annoyed, Sora scowled and folded his arms over his chest. He kept kicking at the ground.

"What about the Organization?" he said.

'_Do you really think they would've tried to kill you if they'd turned over a new leaf?'_

"Maybe they had to," Sora argued. "Like Roxas. He was forced to work for them, and he's not evil."

Kano could not roll his eyes like this, of course, but Sora got the strong sense he would've if he could've.

'_Wasn't he brainwashed, though?' _Kano said.

"Maybe they all were!"

'_Sora, you can't give every damn person the benefit of the doubt!'_

"I just don't feel comfortable calling them all evil!"

Kano stewed on that for a while. Sora stopped kicking at the stairs, because his toes were starting to hurt. He thought about continuing climbing from there—because, who knew how far he still needed to go—but then Kano groaned.

'_Listen,' _he said. '_All the Organization members you fought. All the ones you killed? The guy with the eyepatch, the other one who tried to kidnap Kairi, and then… ugh.' _Disgust filled him strongly. '_Luxord.'_

Sora wasn't so sure why Kano'd singled Luxord out. But, knowing what Kano was trying to do, Sora went along.

"Xigbar's definitely working with Xehanort," he said. Sora was plenty sure on that, at least. "So, I guess I shouldn't worry about him, if I'm not going to worry about Xehanort."

'_Thank you,' _Kano grumbled.

Sora pouted, but kept going.

"Xaldin… I… I dunno about him," Sora admitted.

'_Then you can't worry about him either,' _Kano said.

Sora let out a sigh, and scowled, but Kano was right. Without totally knowing Xaldin's motives, and how much they did and did not differ from Xehanort's, he couldn't make a call. He just wished he hadn't been so hasty to fight Xaldin, in the end…

"That just leaves Luxord."

'_What about him?' _Kano demanded, before Sora had finished saying Luxord's name. There was something decidedly foul boiling in Kano. For now, Sora ignored it. Kano'd tell him what it was in just a second, anyway.

"He just didn't feel like he was really thrilled with being in the Organization," Sora said.

'_Uh, since the hell when?' _Kano countered. He really did feel pretty nasty, right now. '_You knew him for like ten minutes, and spent all of those fighting him.'_

"Just a feeling," Sora replied, with a shrug.

'_A feeling?!' _Kano laughed bitterly. '_A feeling! Yeah, like, that REALLY means anything—'_

"Kano," Sora started.

'_Did you FORGET how that battle with him went down? He forced you into that stupid game—some sick sort of game if you ask me!—' _There was a harsh contempt in Kano's voice, knotted up in the back of Sora's mind. '_He gambled his own life away, Sora. He forced you into that position. It's HIS fault, not yours, that he's dead.'_

"Okay, okay," Sora said, putting his hands up in front of him. The action was more habit than anything else, since it wouldn't actually do anything in terms of calming Kano down. "I guess you have a point," he admitted.

'_You GUESS?'_

"I mean, you _do _have a point, I just—"

'_Sora, come ON, you can turn this all around and around in your head all you want but it won't make a difference—'_

"I know, I _know_!" Sora cut him off. He slammed his still outstretched hands through the air. Frustration bubbled in his gut, but he made himself take a deep breath, and he repeated: "I know."

Leon was right, in that they were doing bad things, and they had to be stopped one way or another. Kano was right, in that they all probably deserved it, too. Sora understood that. He did. He just wasn't satisfied.

But right now, there was nothing more he could do. So he set it aside. He could worry about it later. He still needed to tell Aqua he was leaving, anyway.


	62. In which Aerith makes a housecall

**AN/ **WOWIE! It's been like a year but we're back folks! We're finally back.

I'm currently in the final month of my first semester of college and between homework and finals prep I'll probably be pretty busy, but I'll do my best to crank out new chapters at a semi-regular pace! And, hopefully, ATR won't need any more hiatuses.

Some things: 1) big edits made to Dead Inside, with a total of 20 chapters completely rewritten! check out the final chapter of DI for details. 2) If you're interested in reading other work of mine, check out my Ao3? I've been posting a lot of KH fics there! (I'm rarmaster on there, too.) I'm working on a series about an Aqua Replica and another about Sora/Ven/Xion/Roxas bodysharing shenanigans and I think they're pretty good! Maybe that's your jam, too.

Anyway this is the final chapter to wrap up, er, technically the previous sequence AND FROM THERE WE'RE ONTO PART 3'S ENDGAME, FOLKS! Get hype.

* * *

The star shard, to put it lightly, set her in a hallway of Castle Oblivion. Aerith didn't mind, seeing as Castle Oblivion was where she'd been intending to go—she just hoped it was the right place _in _Castle Oblivion. It probably was, given how star shards worked, but…

On a hunch, Aerith moved for the closest room on her right, and knocked on the open door. Inside was nothing more than two desks on either end of the room, each with a computer. Sitting in the far desk, clicking away at the computer, was a man she hoped was Vexen. There was no way to tell, right away, given all the Replicas that roamed about this place.

The man in the chair swiveled around to look at her. "Oh! Aerith," he said, smiling a bit. Aerith let out a small sigh of relief. This _was _Vexen, then.

He was one of three people here who would greet her by name. Even didn't wear that black cloak everyone else—including Vexen—did. 7's glasses were a different size and shape. That meant this was Vexen.

"To what do I, uh," Vexen began, but then stopped. The smile vanished from his face like he'd realized something. Worry was quick to follow after that. "What, uh. Did… Did you find Riku?" he asked. "Is… Is he alright?"

"Riku's fine," Aerith assured Vexen. It was no surprise he was worried, given the state they'd all left in. "We talked with him, and we calmed him down. He ended up going to find Sora, so Sora helped a lot."

There was a lot more to it than that, of course, but Aerith did not see why she should tell Vexen any of those things.

"Oh!" Vexen seemed surprised, but he nodded. "That makes sense, I suppose. I'm, um…" He paused long enough to let out a large sigh of relief. "I'm glad Riku's alright. I was worried about him."

Aerith did not say anything, but she raised her eyebrows the slightest bit. That only further proved her suspicions.

"I'm not sure why Roxas came here, or why he did any of the things he did," Vexen continued, shaking his head. "But… Well, like I said. I am glad that Riku's alright. I- I considered coming to check on him myself, but decided against it. I got the feeling Riku wouldn't have appreciated it, and… and Leon did not seem like he would have, either."

Aerith started to open her mouth, to say that wasn't true, but couldn't. It was true. And, knowing her brother, not the slightest bit surprising, either. _Especially _if he'd seen the same things in Vexen that she had. That was almost entirely the reason she was here.

Not for Leon's sake, exactly. And not really for Riku's, either. It was more complicated than that.

"You'll have to forgive Leon," Aerith said instead, because all she could do was apologize in his place. "I think you remind him a little of someone he doesn't happen to like." She wished Leon were on a little better terms with Laguna, seeing as it had been seven years and all, but she supposed Leon reserved the right to not want to talk about or to Laguna, as well.

But that wasn't important right now.

"I… I see," Vexen said, though his brow only furrowed in confusion. "Regardless, I'm glad to hear that Riku is alright. As I said. But…" He slowly raised his eyebrows, looking at Aerith almost warily. His voice was a thin mask of pleasantries that he was obviously having trouble holding to, when he spoke again. "I assume you didn't come all this way just to tell me that. So… to what do I owe this pleasure?"

Aerith smiled reassuringly at him, though not entirely sure why he was tense. She had not technically been invited in, or offered a seat—she'd been standing in the doorway this whole time—but figuring it was far enough into the conversation that neither of those things were going to happen, Aerith stepped into the room anyway. Vexen continued to watch her with that wary look, as she pulled the other chair in this room away from its desk and, after turning it to face Vexen and straighten her skirt out, sat down.

"Well, I had something I wanted to ask you," Aerith said.

All the blood slowly drained from Vexen's face. He swallowed once, twice.

"This, uh, this… wouldn't have to do with any of- any of what Roxas said? Would it?"

The end of Vexen's question pitched upwards, as if in fear, and then Aerith understood. She quickly shook her head.

"Oh, no!" she assured him. "It's not about that at all."

Vexen let out a huge sigh of relief. Aerith wouldn't have brought those questions to him anyway, unless she'd absolutely had to, but she supposed she understood why he'd been worried. From his perspective, it must have seemed the most likely thing to come up.

Aerith just wished what she was actually here for was any easier to talk about.

"I actually, well…" She paused to clear her throat. It wasn't that this was something _difficult, _in the sense neither of them would actually want to discuss it, but it was… _awkward. _Yes, it was definitely an awkward question to have to ask, but it was also something she was not ready to leave without knowing.

The wariness returned to Vexen's eyes. Aerith wished again that there was a way to do this and avoid making either of them feel so tense.

"It's… I know it's a little awkward, and out of nowhere," Aerith pressed on. Prefacing it like that made it a little easier to say, because at least then Vexen would anticipate it being, well, an awkward question. "But you… You do _care _for Riku, don't you?"

Vexen's eyebrows shot up into his hairline. Realizing how accusing that must have sounded, Aerith quickly amended:

"I mean, I'm not trying to…" She fumbled a second to find the right words. Not being able to, she hastily went for an explanation, instead: "I just… I don't really know anything about your relationship to Riku, outside of what he's told me, and, well, he's certainly never told me… this."

Vexen chuckled. "Well, that's not a surprise," he said. "I can't imagine Riku having anything kind to say about me."

Aerith opened her mouth for a second, but then closed it. There was nothing she could say that was kind, unless it was a lie. Sure, Riku did not constantly rant and rave about how awful Vexen was, but he still talked about Vexen with a strong dislike, or distrust, and when it was neither of those things, it was extreme confusion. She could say that _she _didn't think as lowly of Vexen as Riku seemed to, except now didn't feel like the place and time.

Vexen didn't appear to expect her to say anything, though. He sighed, and reached up to pull his glasses away from his face. As he spoke, he concentrated on them and folding them shut. "I… I do care about him, though. To answer your question. Perhaps… more than I'd like to admit." He laughed again, but quieter this time, less bitter and more helpless. "But I'm afraid I… I wasn't…"

He hesitated, there. He didn't say anything more, for the moment, as he reached up to drop his glasses into the front pocket of his cloak. They seemed to vanish once they were in there. Aerith wasn't sure how that worked, or how they were safe in there. But, she supposed, the answer was something as simple as _magic. _Those cloaks had to be magic, of some sort, for everyone to be wearing them.

"I wasn't very kind to him, at the beginning," Vexen continued. "And I'm fairly certain he resents me for that. Of course he does! He has every right—for the way I treated him, for the way I betrayed his trust. I'm trying to make up for the things I did in the past, but… I'm not sure I _can _make up for…"

He sighed and shook his head, leaving it at that.

Aerith wet her lips, turning over her next question in her mind. It seemed like a silly question to ask, an unnecessary one, but… she had to be sure.

"Have you tried apologizing to him?" she asked, kindly, but in a tone that should make it clear she was largely (_largely_) teasing.

Vexen scoffed. "What! Of course I've—"

And then he stopped.

He sat in silence for a few more moments, mouth hanging open, scowling harder and harder with each passing second.

Finally, he looked to Aerith, and he said: "I… I can't _remember _ever…?" He shook his head vehemently. "No, _no, _that can't be right! I had to have apologized to him at _some _point."

"Well, maybe you should again…?" Aerith suggested, trying to continue sounding kind. She really did mean it in the kindest way possible. "Just in case. And, you know how Riku is, besides." She laughed a little at that, figuring Vexen, if anyone, understood. "It takes him a while to get things through his head."

Vexen considered that, and then, though perhaps a bit reluctantly, he nodded.

"I suppose that's true," he agreed.

They passed into silence, and Aerith ran over the next question she wanted to ask in her mind. She knew what it was, she just wasn't sure how to bring it up. It was the more complicated part, of this meeting. Perhaps, not the question itself, but figuring out how to lead into it.

She didn't get a chance to come up with anything, because Vexen interrupted her thoughts with a question of his own.

"Forgive me if I'm being blunt, Aerith," he said. There was something burning in his eyes that she could not identify. "But I feel that if you get to ask this of me, then I have every right to ask this of you."

Aerith felt her eyebrows raise, just slightly, in confusion, wondering what in the Worlds he could mean by that.

"_You _care for Riku, don't you?" Vexen asked.

Oh. That's what he meant.

"Of course I do," Aerith told him.

"Why?"

That pressing question could be interpreted as rude, and there _was _a rudeness gleaming in Vexen's eyes, but Aerith didn't let it bug her.

"Because he's family," she said, without hesitation.

"Family," Vexen repeated, and then… he _laughed, _and he shook his head. At that, Aerith might have been offended, except Vexen looked more bewildered than everything else.

"Forgive me," he said. "I just… I don't think I ever imagined myself putting the words _Riku _and _family _in the same context. I always figured that he and Namine would stay together, but I didn't ever consider… _Family._"

This time, he spoke the word with some kind of reverence, some kind of amazement. (Aerith would even dare to say… with the same sort of tone Riku often spoke the word with.)

"It's not like there wasn't room," Aerith said. "And… I think it was something my mother would have done."

Her mother adopted her and Leon both, after all, even if those circumstances had been a little different. It also just felt… natural, after accepting Cid and Yuffie into the family when Radiant Garden fell. Riku had needed a place to belong as much as the four of them had then. That was something a little harder to explain to Vexen, though.

"Really?" Vexen asked, still with that note of surprise in his voice.

Aerith nodded.

"I did the only thing I could do," she began, in an attempt to explain. "I offered him a place in my home, because I felt like he needed it. I couldn't turn a blind eye to that." She hardly got that far through it before her voice started to catch in her throat. "I couldn't- I couldn't turn a blind eye to a boy who never felt like he belonged, who never felt like he'd been loved. I wanted to make a difference… so I did."

Her chest was tight, and her heart still broke, thinking of the circumstances under which she'd adopted Riku. He was doing better now, so much better now, and that made tears well up in her eyes more than anything else.

"It's no burden," Aerith continued, to make that absolutely clear, even if though she probably did not need to. "He's no burden. He's just a kid who needed a home."

Vexen nodded, slowly, almost distractedly at her. He seemed… _troubled?_

"And he… he likes it? There, with you?" Vexen asked, a little hesitantly.

Aerith nodded adamantly, a grin stretching across her lips.

"Yes. Yes he does," she said, and she could not say it fast enough. "I think he's happy to have a family. And… I think he's gotten a lot better, too," she added, in case Vexen had not noticed, because she felt he deserved to know. "He seems so much more… comfortable, since he moved in."

"Well, that's good to hear…" Vexen smiled gratefully at her, a sort of wistful look in his eyes. "Thank you."

"There's no need to thank me."

"I'd beg to differ, but, I suppose I can understand the sentiment."

Aerith laughed a little, and Vexen smiled a bit wider at her. That had been a successful conversation, as far as Aerith was concerned. Though… she had still not brought up the _real _reason she was here. She'd gotten distracted, not that she minded, because maybe here was the best place to say it, after all.

She cleared her throat.

"Vexen…"

He sat up straighter and raised his eyebrows, showing he was listening.

Aerith swallowed. This was still a bit difficult to say, but she made herself say it anyway. This was the only thing she had left to say, and she couldn't leave here without saying it. It was too important to her.

"Have you… have you _told _Riku?" she asked. "That you care about him?"

Vexen leaned a little away from her, features on his face all scrunching in confusion.

"Well, not explicitly," he answered, like he wasn't sure why this mattered. Maybe he wasn't. "But, if my actions have not—"

"You know how hard it is for Riku to get things through his head," Aerith said, before he could get any further.

Vexen considered that. He nodded, at first, but those nods quickly became shakes of the head.

"No, wait a minute! Why bother?" Vexen protested. He regarded Aerith very seriously, brow furrowed and eyes burning. "It's not like it's going to change how Riku feels about me. I don't think I can do _anything _that would make him change his mind about me!"

Aerith resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

"This isn't for you," she said, with a little exasperated laugh. She supposed she couldn't fault him for thinking that, but that was not what she had meant. "This is for Riku."

Vexen squinted at her, as if he could simply study the answers out of her face.

"He deserves to know," Aerith pressed.

Vexen didn't appear to understand even after that, though he _did _start scowling less.

"Is that why you're here?" he asked, as if were some kind of revelation.

Aerith nodded, a bit reluctantly.

That _was _why she was here. Sort of.

"You came _all _this way just to tell me that I need to tell Riku that I care about him?" Vexen continued. He sounded completely bewildered now.

Aerith let out a small sigh. She'd hoped to leave here without having to fully explain things. The reasons she was here for were messy, complicated, not necessarily any of Vexen's business. Nor was it, exactly, her secret to give out. And yet, if he didn't understand how important this was, then…

"Let me tell you something, Vexen," Aerith said. She wrung her hands together. "I know a man. A man who left his son abandoned for eighteen years. It was not his fault, exactly…" It was _definitely _not Laguna's fault that he'd missed all of her mother's letters, though it was something of his fault for not reading the entirety of the first one. "But his son still spent eighteen years thinking his father did not love him."

Vexen blinked at her.

Aerith took a deep breath, squeezed her hands together.

"You can't… even begin to imagine, that kind of pain." She had to look at the computer behind Vexen, because she could not look him in the eye. "Even I can only barely wrap my mind around it."

She understood the pain because it had been Leon's, and he was her brother, and it had hurt because he was hurting. But, it was not her father who abandoned her.

"I don't know, for certain, if Riku is feeling anything like that kind of pain," Aerith persisted, with a shake of her head. "But I wouldn't want him to. And… I would do everything I could to make sure he wouldn't feel like that, any longer."

She pressed her clenched hands into her lap, trying to hide how hard she was trembling. The pain was long over and done with, but it still wrung her dry. She did not like thinking about those eighteen years of worrying over and confusion about the man who did not appear to love her little brother.

Vexen studied her for a long moment, and then, in a way that made her understand one of the reasons Riku complained so much about him, asked:

"What was this man's name?"

Aerith shook her head.

"It doesn't matter."

"Hmm."

Vexen didn't look convinced.

"His son?" Vexen pressed.

Aerith shook her head again, a little harder this time.

"It doesn't matter," she repeated. Then, she thought, maybe it did matter a little. She would not give his name, but: "Someone very close to me."

Vexen looked like he was going to pry further, so Aerith kept talking, to keep the subject on what it was really about.

"It- It wasn't until the man told us it had been an accident, that he didn't _mean _to abandon his son, that… that his son could make any peace with it," Aerith said. _That I could make any peace with it, _she added, silently, but this was not about her. "It wasn't until he knew that his father _didn't _hate him that he could… you know. Start to let go of that pain."

She thought, maybe, it was the certainty of it that helped more than anything else. Knowing, without a doubt, what had happened, and why Laguna hadn't returned in eighteen years—it wasn't the greatest, but it was better than assuming the worst.

And she thought that, most likely, if Riku knew that Vexen _did _care, it'd help him a little, too. It would at least mean he could stop warring with confusion over the matter.

She did not think it would make Riku change his mind about Vexen. Knowing the truth about Laguna had not made Leon any kinder to him, or want to be around him any more frequently. She didn't see why it would be different with Riku. She wasn't here to change his mind, anyway. He had every right to want to stay distant from Vexen.

"Aerith…" Vexen began, but Aerith shook her head.

"Talk to Riku, Vexen," she said, as she got to her feet. "_Please._" She'd said all she'd needed to say, and did not see the conversation continuing any further than this. Her voice was starting to shake, anyway, and the _last _thing she wanted to do was start crying here, now. "I'd… I'd tell him myself, but I think it would mean more, if it came from you."

"I…" Vexen swallowed. Studied her a second more. Then he nodded. "Alright," he agreed. "I will, the next chance I get."

"Thank you," Aerith said. "It was nice talking with you."

"It was nice talking to you, as well," Vexen replied.

Aerith headed for the door, but not before smiling and inclining her head slightly in Vexen's direction. She might have been leaving in a rush, but that was no excuse to forgo pleasantries. This was as good as a wave goodbye.

Once out in the hallway, Aerith gathered herself, and the star shard.

Then she headed, well… not home. Not just yet. She'd like a few minutes, to catch her breath, to compose herself. She was still not sure how she would explain this to Leon—not sure he'd understand why she'd taken the time. And, there was no way she'd avoid giving him an explanation if she was still wound up like this when she returned home.

So, Aerith pictured in her mind the old garden on the outskirts of Hollow Bastion, instead. It was rather decrepit, and more weeds than flowers grew there anymore, but… it was still a nice place to visit, a nice place to walk through and clear her mind.

That was all she needed, right now.


	63. In which something's fishy

**AN/ **heya folks I hope you're ready for my absolutely favorite thing

* * *

Roxas made his way to the mansion in Twilight Town, choosing to walk there from the forest rather than just dark-corridor straight to it. This was to give himself some time to think.

It was at the mansion that he first met the man in the black cloak.

_"They won't Rebuild Xion, you know," _the man had told him. He'd kept his hood up the whole time, but seeing as Organization cloaks were standard issue for Replicas, Roxas hadn't thought too much of it. Nor had he thought too much of who the man was. It seemed fair that someone passing along _that _kind of intel wouldn't want their identity broadcasted.

"_They won't?" _Roxas had been a little surprised to hear it. But, only a little. He didn't really have any _ill _feelings towards the people who'd taken part in the rebellion, but that didn't mean he had any _fond _opinions of them either.

_"Why would they?" _the man had replied. _"They didn't want you to be Rebuilt."_

_"What!?"_

_ "They tried to kill you, you know…"_

Roxas shook the memory out of his head. It didn't matter now. He'd already gone to Castle Oblivion, he'd gotten his answer, he knew the man in the cloak wasn't lying. But there were a few… _other _questions Roxas needed answered, and he wasn't going to get them answered at Castle Oblivion.

He pushed open the doors to the mansion, and let them swing shut behind him, rusty hinges groaning all the way.

The man in the cloak was right where Roxas'd left him. He stood in the middle of the destroyed room, looking over one of the few things still intact—the display case that showed a model of the town.

"Did you get the answers you wanted?" the man asked, not looking up from the display. He was bent over it a little, a hand to his chin, the other behind his back.

Roxas frowned a little. Less at the man's lack of interest in him, more at what had happened.

"Uh, yeah," he answered. "You were right. They definitely didn't seem too fond of Rebuilding me, so I doubt they'd want to Rebuild Xion. Though… I lost three minutes of my time, somehow?" He still wasn't sure about that. It can't have been the Stop, but, maybe it _had _been…? Except, he couldn't remember _getting _Stopped. If it was the Stop, shouldn't he remember everything _up to _being Stopped?

It was really weird.

"Well, my offer still stands," the man said. Now he looked up at Roxas.

"And how are _you _gonna Rebuild Xion?" Roxas asked, remembering the offer well enough. He laughed. "What? You gotta Replica Program hiding up your sleeve?"

The man in the cloak got a good chuckle out of that. "No," he admitted, with a smile in his voice. "But with your help, I'm sure getting our hands on one wouldn't be a problem."

"Hmm…" Roxas mulled it over.

Did he believe that? Maybe the man was more powerful than he looked... Wait, who was he kidding! Roxas smiled to himself, knowing well enough that he alone could probably take the Replica Program just fine. He wouldn't be able to do anything with it once he _had _it, but…

Roxas moved a little further into the room, taking care to take wide steps over broken vases and pieces of caved-in ceiling. Moving helped him think.

Did he _want _to, was the question. Everyone in Castle Oblivion had seemed pretty hostile, but did he really want to fight them? It wasn't he thought he couldn't—oh, he definitely could, and he'd win easily—but did he _want _to?

He supposed there was another important to question to ask, first.

Stopping on the other side of the display case, a few feet away from the man, Roxas turned to him.

"Well? What's in it for you?"

The man laughed.

"What do you think?" he said. "The Replica Program, of course."

"And what do you plan to do with it once you got it?" Roxas pressed.

"Does it really matter to you if I use it to build a few other Replicas?" the man countered. He pressed a hand to his chest, as if pleading, but Roxas swore if he could see the man's face he'd see a smile. Something about his body language was… familiar.

Roxas thought about it a minute more. It'd be weird to walk around the entire room, so he stood and tapped his foot instead, folding his arms over his chest.

This guy seemed okay enough, but there were plenty of things he could do with a Replica Program _besides _building Replicas. So there was that for Roxas to consider.

And, there was that three minute gap in his memory, too.

What happened then? What did he do? What did he say? Had he actually asked about Xion, like he'd meant? Did they say they wouldn't mind? There was no way of knowing, and that was the most suspicious thing of all.

Roxas let out a deep breath, then shook his head the slightest bit.

"Mm, nah. No deal," he said, rolling his shoulders. "Something about this seems fishy to me."

The man in the cloak laughed to himself. He almost sounded… _pleased_?

"Like you had a choice."

"Wh—"

A wave of darkness lashed out from the cloaked man, hitting Roxas square in the chest. He staggered back, but didn't fall. His vision blurred, though. His vision shouldn't have been blurring _already! _

Roxas summoned his Keyblades—both of them. "Tch." Sure, this guy could pack a punch, but Roxas doubted he'd be too much of a challenge. No one was.

He reached inside himself and tapped into the power stored there, unleashing it as solid bars of light that cut through the air. They exploded from him, rained from the sky in dazzling patterns that no one could avoid.

The man in the cloak dodged all of them expertly.

Roxas scowled. He refused to be deterred, though. He tossed one Keyblade at the man, rushed to meet him as he dodged. He summoned the second blade back to him, and unleashed a massive combo—

Wait. Where'd the guy go?

Something sharp and burning cut into Roxas's back. Roxas cried out, stumbling. He caught himself before he fell, spun around. He did not see a blade in the man's hands.

"What the HELL," Roxas shouted. What was this guy _planning? _Roxas wasn't sure he wanted to know.

He ran at the man, Keyblades ready at his sides. He pulled at the energy within himself, letting it fill him, letting lines of light rain down from the sky in aggressive patterns. His Keyblades shone and gleamed with light as he twirled them through the air, moving towards the man, penning him in with his pillars of light, ready to unleash more power than he ever had before, because what else was he supposed to do? He knew how to win fights. Not how to lose them.

The man leapt into the air. Roxas slowed his run and looked up to gauge his throw, Keyblade already leaving his hand, guiding it with his heart into the proper angle as it flew. It spun through the air and under the man's feet.

Now the man was coming back down, barreling directly towards Roxas. Roxas took a hasty step back. He threw his other Keyblade, guiding it like the first. This one went over the man's head as he plummeted.

Roxas took another step back. The cloaked man caught him by the face, slammed him into the ground.

Roxas could feel it in his bones as the floor beneath them shattered.

Together they plunged into the basement.

His head hit the ground first. The impact sent a jarring feeling down his spine. There was a moment of agony where Roxas couldn't even _breathe, _and then the man in the cloak jumped off him. Roxas took a second to catch his breath—he didn't want to, but he had to he had to he had to.

Alarm bells rang in his head. The world spun around him as he pushed himself up. He'd lost his Keyblades on the way down. He tried to call one of them, either of them, to him. But it was impossible to think straight enough, let alone form his fingers into the shape they needed to be to hold the thing.

Finally one came, and Roxas grit his teeth, staggering where he stood. He just had to- he just had to…

The man in the cloak lunged at him, chopping his hands into Roxas's gut. The blow sent Roxas into the wall. He hit it, and the air went out of his lungs again. It seemed like he was suspended in the air, seemed like time was suspended, but then he fell.

Everything in his vision spun around him.

It blurred around him.

It turned black.

**xxx**

"Yo!"

37 jumped, heart leaping into his throat, as Xigbar—no, it was Braig now—threw the door open. The doorknob hit the wall with a resounding _CRACK!_ 37 tried his best to compose himself before Braig got a good look at him.

"Bossman needs you," Braig said, nodding his chin towards the door, signaling 37 to get up and get moving. "Or, well." He chuckled. "Bossman's _gonna _need you, in about two minutes."

37 raised his eyebrows at that, but had long ago given up questioning the fact Braig seemed to be so in sync with Xemnas—no. It wasn't Xemnas anymore.

37 swallowed and did his best not to look or feel scared. Somehow these past few weeks locked in this room had turned him into a sniveling _coward, _and he _hated _it. What would _L _think of him, if she were still…? He quickly shook that thought out of his head.

"I- I already told you," he said to Xigbar, scowling and trying to keep himself from stammering. "If you want me to build a Replica, we're either going to need to get the full Program, or we need to—"

"Nah, don't worry about that!" Xigbar interrupted, before he could finish. "We don't need you to build anything—just Rewrite someone."

37's words died in his mouth. "I…. _oh."_

Now that… That was another matter entirely.


	64. In which there are no choices to be had

**AN/ **Hey, so, I've started drawing! And, of course, I've started drawing fanart for FtPverse (er, if it... counts as fanart when it's for my own work, anyway). There's a drawing to go with this chapter that'll be posted on the blog, but if you want to see some of the other FtPverse drawings I've done you can head on over to the ftpverse tumblr /tagged/mine and you'll see all the drawings I've done for FtPverse. Not to toot my own horn but personally I think they rule.

* * *

Roxas woke up strapped to a table.

It felt like the Repair Program had been used on him. The light above him was harsh and bright—he had to squint through it. He thought he was in the World That Never Was, though. It sure looked like one of the editing rooms. That couldn't be good.

Well, to be fair, being strapped to a table _alone _wasn't good.

He knew there was something fishy about that man's offer! He _knew _there was something fishy about what the man wanted, and his dodgy answers.

An old memory dredged itself up out of the back of his mind. Xigbar's voice.

_"We'd drag you back kicking and screaming if we had to—Rewriting is an option, after all."_

Roxas swallowed, thickly, his mouth dry. His heart pounded in his chest. He wasn't _scared, _exactly—of course he wasn't scared!—but that didn't mean he was _thrilled _about this. He banged his wrists around in the restraints to get a good feel of them.

No amount of muscle would break them, that was for sure. Maybe a strong blast of light, though. Or, if he could summon his Keyblade…?

A face came into view above him. It was Xemnas, but not Xemnas. Younger than Xemnas, wearing a smile much wider and much crueler than any smile Xemnas had ever smiled.

"Did you really think I let Axel Rebuild you for no reason?" he asked, and Roxas's blood ran cold. He recognized the voice. It was the voice of the man in the cloak he'd been meeting with.

"Don't get me wrong, having you building Kingdom Hearts for us _was_ nice, but we could've easily tricked Sora into killing Heartless and collecting hearts for it," Xemnas-not-Xemnas continued. "We could've tricked Aqua or Ventus into collecting hearts to build it, even! You see, Roxas…" He leaned in, the smile on his face growing wide and unpleasant. "_This _is what you were built for. _This _is why I let Axel Rebuild you."

"Wh- What are you talking about?" Roxas demanded. He felt like he was going to be sick. "What are you gonna do with me?"

"Oh, don't worry. You'll find out soon enough."

Not-Xemnas turned and nodded in the direction of the computer.

"_NO!_" Roxas screamed, throwing light out of himself in waves. Maybe he could break the restraints. Maybe he could hit whoever was manning the computer, or better yet, damage the computer itself. Maybe he could—

Everything went black.

**xxx**

_There was a sharp, terrible pain in his chest. Then there was something shifting, writhing inside him. A darkness, a foreign presence moving through his veins. It hurt, it hurt, it HURT and then…_

_ And then everything snapped into place._

_ It felt a little strange, but, it felt… right, too._

_ Was he Roxas, anymore? Was he…? The lines between them seemed to blur, but that was alright. It didn't really matter, anyway. _

_ This was exactly what was supposed to happen._

**xxx**

37 watched Xehanort step away from Roxas, took in the satisfied smile on Xehanort's lips, then ducked his head back down to the computer. He'd already gone over everything, but going over the protocols again gave him something to do. Besides, if any of the protocols in Roxas's Code were not as Xehanort had requested them to be, well…

37 had certainly been less wary around Xemnas, but Xehanort was another story. (Though the Repair Program had fixed everything, phantom pain still burned on 37's skin. He'd rather not go through _that _again.)

There was _pop _of displaced air, and when 37 looked up, Braig stood in the empty space of the room, a few feet from Roxas, and a few feet from Xehanort, creating a triangle between the three points.

"How'd it go?" Braig asked. His attention was on Xehanort, and there was a glint in his eye.

"Exactly as expected," Xehanort replied, smiling widely, leaning towards Braig.

Braig grinned, a perfect mirror of the smirk on Xehanort's lips. The two of them shared a knowing look. 37 shuddered. He did not want to think about what he'd just helped do.

"How long 'til he wakes up, huh?" Braig asked, turning his attention to 37 now. The grin on his face didn't falter an inch.

"Um," 37 swallowed. Told himself that he did _not _feel nauseous. "About ten minutes," he answered. "His data still needs to process."

Braig somehow managed to grin wider. He turned back to Xehanort. "Man, are you excited or _what, _boss? It might be a little weird, having three of us again, but I'd say it was—"

"It was about time," Xehanort finished, grinning equally as wide. They shared another one of those looks, then Xehanort stepped towards Braig. "How'd things go on your end?"

Braig's grin fell now, and he shrugged, scratching at his neck. "Well, I didn't learn anything we didn't know an hour ago, that's for sure," he answered, laughing a little. 37 couldn't tell if he was exasperated by the prospect or not. "They're still working on translating Riku's Code, plan on being done in a few days, etc." He pulled his hand away from his neck and waved it through the air.

"How did you…?" 37 began to ask, wondering now where Braig had been these past twenty minutes. Had he been _snooping _in—? Then the rest of what Braig said registered to him. "W- wait a minute! What does Riku have to do with any of this?"

"Oh!" Braig laughed. "Have you not told him yet?"

"Didn't get a chance, no," Xehanort said. "Do you want to, or should I?"

Braig laughed again. He stepped towards Roxas, then reached out, pointing down at him. "Riku's next on the list," he said.

37 balked.

"_What_!?"

"Listen, we know you don't like him…" Xehanort began, moving towards 37—moving much closer than 37 would have liked. His tone was kind enough, but, 37 didn't trust him. And, for good reason: Xehanort's sympathetic look quickly flashed to a sharp smile. "But… It's not like you had a choice in the matter, is it?"

37 ducked his head down. "N- no," he agreed, quietly. His heart pounded. His mind raced. He tried to control his emotions. Tried not to think about L, how she would have scolded him for backing down so easily, how much he missed her. Tried not to think about Riku, about the boy's foul smirk, about the biting '_Who's going to protect you now, huh? 37's not here.'_

"All we need you to do," Xehanort continued, "Is to take those protocols you installed in Roxas, and port them over to Riku. Easy, right?"

37 shook his head. "I- I can't do that, though." More like he didn't _want _to, and was grasping at straws. The thought of working with Riku was unbearable. "Riku's not compatible with this Program, so—"

"Didn't you hear me?" Braig cut in. Now he sounded annoyed, though that smile did not drop from his face. "They're working on translating Riku's Code so it matches this Program. Once they do that, all you gotta do is slip those protocols into his data, and then…"

"And then he's all mine," Xehanort said.

37 did _not _like the leer on his face, nor the certain… _hunger _in his voice.

To make things worse, Xehanort took _another _step towards him, placing a hand on his shoulder, breathing down his neck.

"You _can_ do that for us, can't you?"

37 swallowed. Died a little bit, inside. He knew he couldn't say no.

"Y- yes. Of course."


	65. In which, Vexen, (And other good things)

Riku and Namine sat across from each other at the dining room table, books splayed out in front of them. They were both looking through the books they'd pulled out from Hollow Bastion's library ages ago, trying to find information on Shadows. Riku had a notebook beside him, where he wrote down page numbers and passages that seemed potentially useful, whenever he found them (which, wasn't often). Namine had a notebook of her own, but all she was scribbling down was page numbers.

It was late morning, and it was only the two of them and Yuffie in the house. Aerith was at the infirmary, like she was every day. Leon and Cid were working with some of the other Restoration Committee members.

Riku looked up from skimming the pages of the book before him. He studied Namine a moment. Her shoulders were hunched and she sighed deeply as she tapped her pencil against her notebook. She wasn't even reading. She looked exhausted. Riku couldn't remember the last time he'd seen her full of energy, like warm memories in the back of his mind told him she'd used to be.

"Namine…"

"Huh?" She looked up at him. Her voice was pleasant, chipper enough. There were bags under her eyes.

"I…" Riku began, but didn't know what to say. The air around her was like unsteady ground, and it had been for a while now. He wasn't sure where to step. So he cleared his throat, and he changed the subject. "You excited for tomorrow?"

They were going to spend the night on Destiny Islands, with Sora and Kairi. There was no real reason—it wasn't like they hadn't seen Sora and Kairi _recently; _in fact, Riku'd seen Sora and Namine'd seen Kairi yesterday. It was just something Riku wanted to do. Joseph's comment about a bucket list had been firm in his mind when he'd decided on it (even if he was pretty sure he _wasn't _going to die, at this point), and, well… It wasn't like it'd _hurt_.

"Um…!" Namine seemed to roll it over in her mind. "Yeah. I am."

She didn't say it with much conviction, but she hadn't given a completely disinterested answer either. That was nice.

Daring to try and keep the conversation going, Riku quickly tried to come up with something else to talk about. Then he remembered.

"Hey, you know that, um, telepathy thing we had going?" he asked.

He'd been wondering about this for a while, but had had a lot of trouble finding time to bring it up. There'd been a lot going on lately.

(It was hard, too, because she seemed so disinterested all the time. Not just in him, but in everything.)

"Yeah," Namine answered, shortly.

Was she already tired of the conversation? They'd only just started talking! Trying not to feel too discouraged, Riku plowed ahead:

"It well, I dunno if it's just me," he said, shrugging. "I mean, seeing as don't know how it works, nor have I ever seen any of the stuff in _your _head, but—"

"It's stopped," Namine interrupted. She'd dropped her gaze back to her notebook, pencil moving along the margin. Riku couldn't tell if she was drawing or just moving the pencil back and forth over the page aimlessly.

"Has it?" Riku asked, eyebrows raised.

Namine nodded. Once, just once.

"Ah," Riku said.

Namine fidgeted in her seat. "I mean, it… it hasn't been there ever since, well… Ever since I was…"

She didn't finish, but she didn't have to. Riku understood.

"Right," he told her, so she would know he followed. He didn't want to have to make her say _those _words. "That's fine," he followed up with, laughing a little. "Not really disappointed or anything." He leaned a bit towards her, smiling, hoping to see a smile mirror on her face. He lowered his voice dramatically for good measure. "It was kind of weird, y'know?"

"Yeah," Namine agreed.

Just that, nothing more. She wouldn't look directly at Riku.

Riku leaned back in his chair again, sighing, smile faltering. Something uneasy sat in his chest. His fingers went to a patch of darkness on his wrist, a nail digging into his skin to pick, for a moment. Then he remembered. He closed his hand into a fist and pressed his knuckles into the wood of the table instead.

Riku turned away, eyes drifting out the back window, humming shortly to himself as he thought of something else to say. There was… something else that was gone, besides their weird connection.

"The meltdowns have stopped, too," he remarked. He turned back to Namine, watching hopefully to see joy light up on her face at the prospect.

She still did not look up at him. "Yeah…!" she said. It sounded about as tired as everything else she'd said all morning, though her voice did pitch a little bit upwards at the end, in a grateful note.

"Wonder why," Riku continued, to keep the conversation moving (not that he _wasn't _curious, of course).

"Me too," was all Namine said. There was still that grateful note in her voice, at least.

Riku laughed shortly, a little nervously. "I mean, I guess without knowing why they were happening to begin with, we can't know why they stopped, either. Huh?"

"Could be because we're not in Castle Oblivion anymore," Namine suggested, looking up. Riku let out a small sigh of relief. There was still an underlying exhaustion in her tone, but this was the most she'd said all afternoon, and she at least sounded _interested._

Riku shrugged and nodded a little, supposing that could be it.

"Could be that our weird telepathy thing stopped," he said, throwing that on the table. A part of him thought it might be that—He didn't know for sure, but it would make sense if that thing had been _causing _the meltdowns in the first place.

Namine scowled now.

"Riku, I don't think it was—" she began.

"I know, I know," Riku interrupted, holding his hands out in surrender. "You don't think it was me. But it could've been the _connection_. That was going on regardless of us being near each other, and if you had near-constant access to my head and my memories…" He trailed off for a moment, trying not to think too hard about that. Not only was it weird, but it would… explain a lot, in his opinion. "It could've been leaking across that."

"Or 37 did something when he Rewrote me," Namine said, a sharp edge in her voice.

The semi-teasing tone Riku'd been putting on faltered, and the smile fell from his face. She had a point there, too. And… maybe they should stop talking about this.

"Well, what's it matter?" he said, laughing a little. "They've stopped. That's the important thing."

"Yeah," Namine agreed. She ducked her head back down. "I'm… glad." She sounded like she meant it.

"Me too."

And, he was glad. Namine was probably more so than he was, seeing as it'd been _her _they'd caused all the pain, but still… They'd been a nuisance, and frustrating to deal with. Riku was glad they appeared to be over. Maybe they were over for real.

Silence stretched between them, and Riku turned his attention back down to the open book in front of him, eyes moving along the page. He probably wasn't taking in as much information as he should be, but…

"Riku…?" Namine spoke, her voice quiet.

Riku looked up, to show he was listening.

"Yeah?"

"Are you…" she began, but hesitated. Her fingers ran around the spiral binding of the notebook in front of her. "Are you… scared?"

Like that was specific.

"About what?" Riku pressed, for clarification.

"About…" Namine did not look up to him at all, her attention fixed either on the table or that notebook, still fingering the spiral rings, her hair falling to hide her face. Her voice was terribly quiet as she spoke. "About… dying…."

Riku considered this a moment.

He was, of course, scared of dying. There were too many things he couldn't stand to lose, now. But…

He knew the context of the question, and as far as this problem he was having with his darkness was going…

"Nah," he said. "Why would I be?" He smiled at her, not that she saw it. He just didn't want her to worry. "They're gonna have it fixed in just a few days, so I've got nothing to worry about."

Namine shot just a glance up at him, unease in her eyes.

"I… I meant…"

The doorbell rang.

"I've got it!" Yuffie yelled from the living room, before either Riku or Namine could think about moving.

Namine ducked her head down further. Riku thought about maybe asking her what she'd _meant _to say, but then he heard the voice of the man at the door. An unfortunately familiar voice.

It was no surprise (though it still made him groan) when Yuffie called: "Riku! There's some guy here at the door for you!"

"Coming," Riku called back, pulling himself out of his seat.

When he got to the door, Yuffie was standing with it most of the way closed, positioned between Riku and the opening. She considered Riku with what he might, actually, call a serious expression.

"Do you want me to get rid of him?" she asked. Either she'd heard him groan about this, or… something else. There was something burning in her eyes that he couldn't quite recognize.

Riku sighed. Oh, he'd love that, but: "No, it's fine," he told Yuffie, pushing past her and opening the door again. "What do you want, Vexen?"

Because, it _was_ Vexen. Riku'd recognize his voice anywhere, even with all the Replicas.

"Um," Vexen, surprisingly, looked _nervous_? That wasn't comforting at all. "I wanted to talk to you," he said.

"This about, like, my data? My darkness?" Riku asked. Frankly, that was all he really cared about.

"Oh, no," Vexen answered, with a quick shake of his head. "Nothing has really changed on that end of things. We might even be done tomorrow, or the day after! But… That's not what I'm here to talk to you about."

"Then…" Riku took a deep breath, wishing there was a way out of this. But on the other hand, Vexen would just keep pestering him with whatever it was until he finally got it said, so maybe it would just be better to get it over now. "What did you want to talk about?"

Vexen eyed Yuffie, and then after clearing his throat: "Would you… mind if we talked outside?"

Riku shrugged, throwing his hands up a little with the motion. It wasn't like he really had a choice.

"Sure," he said, trying not to sound too tense.

Vexen lead him outside, and they started walking. Riku supposed he understood wanting to get a respectable distance away, though he definitely wanted to know what Vexen's definition of _respectable_ was. They definitely went further than Riku would have thought they needed too. And—

Riku stopped, head turning as he spotted movement. Had that been…?

But, of course it had been, he knew, as he stared at the stack of crates. There was no mistaking those green clothes, that dark hair. Yuffie'd… followed them? But why?

"Is something wrong?" Vexen asked.

"I… thought I saw a Heartless," Riku lied. Because, honestly? It didn't matter if Yuffie'd followed. He couldn't imagine Vexen wanting to discuss anything she _couldn't _hear. And, besides, he could use her an excuse out of here if he got tired of dealing with Vexen.

Turning to Vexen, Riku sighed. "So, what did you want?" he asked.

Vexen opened his mouth. Closed it. Amazingly, he seemed to be at a loss for words.

"Well, I'm just..." He cleared his throat awkwardly. "I'm worried about you."

Riku raised his eyebrows. "Worried about me?"

"I- I mean, considering… everything that's going on…" Vexen slowly trailed off, grimacing.

"Unless you plan on messing something up when you translate my code, everything's gonna be fine, right?" Riku said, not understanding at all what Vexen was getting at.

"Well, yes," Vexen agreed. He sighed. "I'm sorry, that's not… That's not even what I wanted to say. I just…"

Riku squinted at him.

"What _did _you want to say?"

"W- well…"

Riku raised his eyebrows a little further.

Vexen cleared his throat again. Geeze, if he was having this much trouble saying whatever it was, it couldn't be good. Holding back a groan, Riku folded his arms over his chest. There wasn't really anything he could do but wait. (And boy, he could not wait to get this over with.)

Finally, Vexen looked him… not in the eye, but almost in the eye, and he said:

"You… you aren't worthless, to me, Riku."

Riku's eyes slowly grew very wide.

He tightened his hands around his arms, hugging himself. He wasn't sure what to say. What to think? Something foreign bubbled in his chest.

"W… what?" his lips formed quietly around the word. Maybe he hadn't heard Vexen right.

But, based on how Vexen continued, he definitely had.

"I know… I know I might have said you were, probably said you were, at one point," Vexen said. He didn't look any more comfortable about this than Riku felt, and, Riku wasn't sure that was a good thing. "I know I said and did a lot of things that I shouldn't have—in this universe and the other—and I'm… I'm sorry."

"I… oh."

Riku stared. Uneasiness roiled in his gut, along with that unfamiliar feeling—he wasn't sure how to take this, how to process it. Vexen had never said anything like this to him before, or at least, not in such clear words. It was a lot to take in.

Vexen kept speaking, though:

"And, I'm…" he hesitated, but it was not long before he seemed to gather his nerve. "I'm proud of you. And how far you've come. And- And of where you are, now."

"O- _oh_?" Riku stammered. He was trembling, for some reason, so he gripped himself tighter.

This was probably the last way he'd expected this conversation to go.

Vexen nodded, as if to himself. Riku stood there, staring dumbfounded, trying to grapple with the feelings that settled in his gut and the thoughts whirling in his head. _I'm proud of you. You aren't worthless to me.—_Words he'd never _dreamed _to hear Vexen say, and yet here they were, and…

And…

_What was he supposed to do?_

It was a relief, of sorts, to hear those words. It was something like a weight lifted off his chest (_Well, he doesn't think I'm a failure, so at least there's that_). But it was a confusion that settled in him in place of the absent weight. Because:

What was he supposed to say? What was he supposed to feel? Outside of the relief that he wasn't even sure was relief, Riku could not peg any concrete sense to the emotions bubbling inside of him. It was just a jumble of foreign things.

Did Vexen expect something of him? Was that what this was for?

"I…" Riku tried, but he was still having trouble wrestling sense out of the things that spun inside him. Words were almost impossible.

Vexen didn't say anymore, apparently done. He clasped his hands in front of him, and he seemed to… wait. At least he, too, looked nervous. Uncomfortable. That was a relief, now, Riku found, because at least he wasn't alone in feeling _how awkward this was._

"Um," Riku managed, finally. "This is- This is kind of out of no+where?"

That was all he could think of, all he could process at the moment.

Vexen made a face. "Well, I've… been thinking about it," he said.

"I- I see."

Riku couldn't think of anything else, and apparently, neither could Vexen. Riku ground his teeth and dug his fingers into his arms. Maybe he _was _supposed to say something, but he had no idea what, and—

Vexen cleared his throat.

Riku let out a sigh of relief.

"Anyway," Vexen said, his voice almost a little strained. "That was it."

Riku blinked in surprise. Dropping his arms from his chest, he stepped forward, stepped towards Vexen.

"That was _it_!?" he demanded, appalled.

"Y…" Vexen seemed to consider it a moment, as he drew the sound out. Eventually, though, nodding, he finished: "Yes."

Riku stared, trying to make sense of, well… _this. _This entire scenario. His feelings were still a confusing mess to try and comprehend, and then there was Vexen. Just, Vexen, as a whole.

But, he was grateful the conversation was over, either way.

"Well," he said, awkwardly. "I guess you should get going, then?"

Vexen considered him almost with surprise a moment, like he hadn't expected that, but then he nodded in agreement. "Yes. Yes, I should," he said. "Even didn't want me taking too long of a break, anyway." He _smiled, _and waved a little bit at Riku. "Goodbye."

And with that, Vexen formed a dark corridor, and was gone.

Riku waited a moment.

And then he clasped his hands together and pressed them against his face, letting out a long, strained sound from his throat.

That had gone better than he supposed it could have, but he was still...?

Vexen's words still echoed in his head. _You aren't worthless to me. I'm proud of you. _It didn't make any sense, and yet…

And yet Riku remembered. Of course he remembered.

(He remembered Vexen, protecting him from Larxene. Vexen, trying to talk sense into him after he'd embarrassed himself in battle. Vexen, apologizing for dragging him to the other universe that one time, admitting it had been stupid, _agreeing to ask before he did anything like it again. _Vexen, always there, always infuriating, but… trying. Trying to be kind.)

It was…

Riku hastily pulled his hands away from his face, remembering something else.

_Yuffie._

Yuffie was still here. Yuffie'd heard all of that. And now he had to… say something to her? What, though? He hadn't even been able to find words to say to _Vexen._

Maybe he could just… walk away. Head back home. She probably wouldn't mind, wouldn't bring it up. He wasn't _supposed _to know she'd followed, anyway.

But…

Sighing, Riku turned towards the crates.

"Yuffie," he called. "I know you're there."

She staggered out from behind the crates, arms flailing like a pinwheel for a moment as she tried to keep her balance.

"Yikes…!" she gasped, as she steadied herself. She held her hands up as if expecting a fight for a moment, all tense though her expression was comically surprised. After a moment she let her hands drop, and dropped her head down as well.

"Uh… please don't be mad?" she said, sending a quick glance up at Riku.

"I, uh," Riku swallowed. "I'm not mad." Embarrassed, was what he was. Embarrassed, times about infinity.

Yuffie let out a sigh of relief. "Okay good!" She looked up at Riku now, an uneasy expression painted on her face. "I know I probably, uh, shouldn't have followed you," she said. Something burned in her eyes. "But it looked like he was making you uncomfortable, and…!"

She hesitated a moment, reaching up to tug at where her headband rest above her ear. She tended to do that when she was nervous, or when she was thinking.

"Well, I'm not really good at the emotional support stuff, all I'm really good at is sneaking around…" She sighed at that, looking a little defeated. She kept tugging at her headband. "I thought maybe the least I could do was pull you away if things started looking too uncomfortable for you."

Riku stared at her, a warm, familiar feeling bubbling up in his chest. Compared to all the things Vexen left him feeling, this was a feeling he knew and understood well. A smile pulled at his lips, despite everything.

"Oh, wow, I appreciate it," Riku said. And, he meant it.

It was still taking him some getting used to all this stuff as far as family went, but it definitely made more sense to him than Vexen did. Yuffie was family. Vexen was… Vexen.

"Oh!" Yuffie brightened instantly. "I'm glad!" She looked around Riku to where Vexen had been, a thoughtful look taking over her face. "Looks like it went okay though, I guess."

"Yeah…" Riku agreed, as his own face scrunched up in confusion again. Then he flushed, remembering again everything Vexen had said, and that Yuffie had heard all of it. "Uhhhh, please don't make fun of me?" he said, casting a nervous glance her direction.

Yuffie laughed and shook her head. From the looks of it, she thought about clapping him on the shoulder, then thought against it.

"Nah, don't worry about it, Riku," she told him, grinning widely. "I won't mention it to anyone."

"Good. Thanks."

"Come on." Yuffie nodded her head back towards the house, starting to bound off in that direction, still smiling broadly. "Let's head back home."

Grinning slowly, Riku followed her.


	66. In which the main four have a beach date

Sora did not exactly struggle under the weight of the (large) basket he was carrying, because he was much stronger than he used to be, though the basket was still _awkward, _to say the least. He'd told his mother he was going to have a beach sleepover with Kairi (which, wasn't a _lie_) and she'd happily provided various snacks and food. Now he just had to get it to the play island.

(He could have used his star shard, but, _eh_.)

_So, what are you gonna do with yourself for the next, like, eight hours? _Sora asked of Kano, as he walked. They'd made an agreement for this, that Kano would try and stay out of the way. Sora'd been reluctant, because it seemed unfair, but Kano had insisted. And, besides, it would be nice to hang out with his friends and _not _have to worry about Kano for a little bit…

'_I dunno,' _Kano answered, and Sora got the sense of a shrug from him. '_Pretend to read a book? Dig through your memories? Wallow in my guilt?'_

Sora recoiled so hard at the thought he nearly dropped his basket.

"Oh, _geeze_, Kano!" he gasped aloud, forgetting himself for a moment. _You can't just—_

_ 'I'm joking, I'm joking,' _Kano assured him. He laughed a little, either at himself or his joke, and Sora sighed.

_Listen, _he began. _If you want—_

_ 'No, it's fine,' _Kano interrupted, before Sora could even finish the thought. '_You deserve to hang out with your friends and not me have butt in.'_

There was a twinge of self-depreciation in his tone, not to mention painted over the way he _felt_. It made Sora's stomach churn, a little bit.

_Kano… _Sora tried.

_ 'It's fine, Sora. Really.'_

Sora sighed. He didn't totally believe it, but what could he do?

_Man, _he said, grimacing. _This situation really DOES stink, huh?_

He didn't mind having Kano around, but this sharing-a-body business definitely didn't seem fair for either of them. You weren't _meant _to spend this much time with someone else, really. But ignoring Kano was rude, and forcing him to sit out all the time wasn't fair.

'_Really?' _Kano laughed, sarcasm and contempt burning hot in him._ 'You JUST noticed?' _

_Well, I—_

_ 'Don't worry about it.'_

Sora started to protest, but… Kano really felt like he didn't want to deal with it. It made it hard for Sora to want to press. He supposed now wasn't the best time, anyway. Especially since he'd reached the docks, and now all he had to do was row over to the play island.

_Listen, _he said, though. _I'll get you out of there, alright? Soon._

_ 'Yeah yeah,' _Kano responded. He didn't quite sound like he believed it. But he _was _starting to feel a little less grumpy. '_Maybe I'll go take a nap…' _he said, thoughtfully.

Sora smiled softly. It was nice to hear that, and nice to feel that Kano was actually considering it. Kano could _definitely _use the sleep, that was for sure.

_Sleep well… _he thought, as gently as he could.

**xxx**

Riku and Namine arrived not long after Sora arrived (with food, courtesy of his mother, Kairi saw). The entire afternoon was spent laughing and swimming and generally having a good time. Which was the entire point. Well, and Kairi knew that maybe this had a little bit to do with spending time together before anything terrible could happen to Riku. She'd read his tone well enough when he'd scheduled this thing.

But, if he wasn't going to say anything about it, then neither was she.

It was about sunset by the time Sora started cooking dinner. Freshly caught fish—they'd all pitched in to catch them—roasted over a bonfire, and it smelled delicious. Sora was clearly channeling some of the cooking magic his mother had taught him, adding spices from the basket she'd sent.

"By the way," Riku said, casually, shifting how he sat in the sand for probably the fifth time now. Kairi hardly noticed, since that was just how he was. They all sat in a circle around the fire, Sora and Riku across from each other. "Even contacted me, this morning. He said they were about done and, well." A small smile crossed his lips. "Guess I'm gonna get this darkness thing fixed tomorrow."

"Shut _up,_" Kairi exclaimed, eyes gleaming and a smile pulling her mouth partially open.

Riku smiled back at her, wide and confident, head held high. "Like I'd joke!"

"That's _great_!" Sora shouted, and the only thing that kept him from launching to tackle Riku with a hug was surely the fire that sat between them.

Namine, sitting across from Kairi, didn't look nearly excited about the news. But, hey, she'd probably already heard it. Maybe it didn't have quite the same charm the second time around. Or third, or fourth time, for all Kairi knew. (Or maybe it was something else, but Kairi didn't want to think about that right now.)

"Do you want us to come with you?" Kairi asked Riku. "Like, for emotional support, or whatever." She wasn't sure if he'd need it, or really how this worked, but the least she could do was offer.

Riku shook his head, looking relatively unbothered. "Nah," he said. "I'll be fine. It's really not a big deal, and unless Vexen messed something up, I've got nothing to worry about."

"Ok, good," Sora said. "I mean, I would've gone if you needed me to, but this would have been the second day off from training I'd have had to take, and…" He grimaced as he turned the fish, trailing off in a way that made it clear he didn't think it was a good idea.

"Yeah, I had plans too," Kairi said. "Seeing as I can't convince Aqua to teach me any magic—which, _ugh, _is driving me nuts—I thought I'd ask Ven about it. Maybe he'd be more willing."

Sora turned to give her a pouty kind of glare.

"Aw, come on, I thought the system we had going was pretty good," he said.

"What system?" Namine asked, poking her head into the conversation, finally.

"Aqua'd teach me a spell, and then I'd relay it to Kairi," Sora answered.

"Yeah, except, she hasn't _taught _you any new spells yet," Kairi argued.

Sora stuck his tongue out at her.

"Besides," Kairi continued. "I have light powers, and Ven has light powers, and _you _don't have light powers." Kairi brandished a finger at him, and Sora stuck out his tongue harder. "How are you supposed to teach me any cool light attacks when you can't even _do _them?"

"I mean, fair, but you don't gotta be so rude about it," Sora grumbled, pouting harder.

"I was just being honest!"

"Hmm." Sora studied the fish he was cooking thoughtfully. "Yanno… it sure would be a shame if I _accidentally _dropped one of these into the—"

"SORA DON'T YOU DARE," Kairi screeched, lunging at him.

Laughing, Sora let her tackle him into the sand.

(The fish ended up a little burned, in the end, but that was alright. Riku's hearty laughter and Namine's giggles and Sora's squeals made it worth it.)

**xxx**

The four of them lay with their heads next to each other, blankets spread out beneath them to ward off the worst of the sand. They were gazing up at the stars, Sora and Kairi pointing out familiar constellations. Riku kept making up his own. Namine sat there, and she watched, and she listened, trying to cradle this moment to her chest, imprint it in her memory.

There was still… a weight, in her heart, and a weariness in her bones.

But some of that was just exhaustion from spending hours earlier today swimming. Some of that was just usual end-of-the-day weariness. And it was nice, knowing that not all the exhaustion she held in her was unnatural.

She still felt… shaky. She could not remember what it felt like to not feel this way. To hold out her hands in front of her and not stop and think for a minute _are these even mine, anymore?_

It was a strange, though terribly familiar feeling.

It was better, though, here and now. Better when she had her friends surrounding her. Better because with them she could forget about it, for a little bit. She could laugh, she could smile, let the sound of their voices roll over her.

She could stare up at the stars. Could ask Sora to elaborate on his favorite constellation stories. She could lay here, one hand in Kairi's, one hand in Riku's, their fingers intertwined.

And for once, she could feel at peace.

**xxx**

Everyone ended up dozing off not long after midnight, which Riku didn't mind much. Sora definitely needed the sleep, if he had training tomorrow. And Kairi and Namine could probably use the sleep, too. He could have slept, himself (he would have woken up before sunrise, with no problem), but he was too…

Nervous wasn't the word. Excited wasn't, either.

He couldn't stop thinking about tomorrow. Or, later today. Not wanting to wake his friends with his restlessness, he got up and moved a little closer to the shore. Sitting in the pale moonlight, knees to his chest, he faced towards the waves.

He kept looking at the purple spots, on his arms, running his fingers over their texture. He wondered what it'd be like to see them gone. He'd gotten so used to them.

It would be nice, of course, to stop producing darkness when he did not mean to. To stop being unable to control it when it did flow out of him. It would be nice to not die.

But Even told him the consequences, too. He didn't have a choice—he couldn't _not _have this fixed—but there was… a catch. He needed the Darkness Protection Protocols installed, but there was a chance those alone wouldn't be enough.

They'd have to remove the excess darkness from him, too.

And there was no telling how much they'd be able to leave in him, if they were able to leave any at all.

Riku supposed it wasn't a bad thing.

But he did wonder what it'd be like to fight, and not be able to rely on darkness to carry him through a battle. He knew how to do a lot of things without it, but would it be enough? (It would have to be. This had to get fixed.)

A little troubled, not wanting to think about it anymore, Riku moved on to other things. He turned and looked over his shoulder, to where his friends were sleeping. Sora was snoring loudly, like always, his limbs splayed out around him. Kairi and Namine were still holding hands.

Seeing them, remembering the things they'd done today, the ways they'd all been there for him these past few days, for the past year—these things brought a warmth to his chest. Riku found himself smiling fondly.

If you'd told him, a year or more ago, that he would be sitting here… If you'd told him he'd have friends, _real _friends, who loved him and supported him? He wouldn't have believed it.

But here he was.

And it was amazing.

To think about not just his friends, but also his family, back in Hollow Bastion. A _family. _Thinking about them filled him with warmth, too. The way Aerith hummed to herself, up to her elbows in dirt as she tended to her flowers. The way Leon smiled softly, always trying to hide it, though he could never hide the gleam in his eyes. The way Yuffie tried to help, even if she wasn't sure how to, exactly. The way Cid downed three cups of coffee before doing anything else with his day, barely sleeping otherwise, but always ready with a bad joke to crack.

And they were so kind to him, too. Riku wasn't sure he deserved it, but that was why it was so wonderful.

(If you'd told him, a year or more ago, that he'd have a _family, _he would have laughed in your face.)

He ended up thinking about Vexen, too. He'd have to see Vexen tomorrow. Would he have to say anything? He hadn't said much yesterday, so maybe he was supposed to make up for it now.

Vexen had apologized, after all. Wasn't he supposed to say it was okay? Or that he forgave Vexen?

But did he really?

Riku wasn't sure.

It was nice to know Vexen was sorry, definitely. Riku didn't think it really changed the way he felt about Vexen, though. Maybe he was a little less skeptical. A little less uneasy. At least he knew what Vexen _really _thought of him, now, instead of needing to assume.

Still…

Ultimately no more certain about it, Riku pushed the thought of Vexen out of his mind. The sun was peeking up over the horizon, anyway. He turned to wake his friends.

Namine was easy to wake up. Kairi… not so much. It was only when Riku reminded her that she'd _promised, _promised she'd watch the sunrise with him, did she finally sit up. She was still bleary-eyed, though, and looked like she hated every decision that had led her here. Sora woke up without any prodding—probably woken by Kairi's loud groans.

The sun started to cast its light over the sky and the waves, painting everything in pinks and pale blues. Riku let out a happy sigh, a smile tugging across his lips. It was still the most beautiful sight he'd ever seen.

Riku settled himself down next to Kairi, and Sora sat on Namine's other side. Together, not saying a word, they watched the sunrise.

In a couple hours, Riku knew, he'd be something of a different person. But that was alright. He was ready for this change. Ready, even if it meant losing his darkness completely. He couldn't choose darkness over a single moment like this, let alone the prospect of a million more.

He was ready to face the future.

They all were.


	67. In which, uh,

**AN/ **buckle up folks we've reached part 3's endgame. It's gonna be a Fun Ride. B)

* * *

The three of them—Leon, Aerith, and Namine—escorted Riku to Castle Oblivion. Leon wasn't totally sure they'd needed to (especially considering how at ease Riku seemed), but family didn't let family down.

Even greeted them in the Main Room. He seemed a little surprised to see them, or rather, Leon thought, their weapons. Aerith was holding her staff, and he had his gunblade strapped to his belt. Actually, it was mostly held there by magnets, an idea Zack had given him, long ago…

"Are those necessary?" Even asked. Leon wouldn't say he looked _worried, _but there was a definite raise to his eyebrows.

"We… don't really want a repeat of what happened last time," Aerith said, a fraction of a second before Leon could open his mouth to say the exact same thing.

Even nodded. "That's fair," he said, with something of a laugh. "Unlikely that Roxas will show up again, but it's not like I'm going to make you put them away. You two don't have the luxury of being able to summon your weapons at will like the rest of us." He turned around and started for the hallway, nodding with his head in a gesture for everyone else to follow. "Come on."

As they walked, Leon sent a sideways look at Aerith.

"Hey, have you ever looked into a spell for that? Summoning our weapons at will?" he asked, knowing full well that she hadn't.

She shook her head, a smile on her lips. "No," she answered, knowing he knew. "But maybe I should."

Leon smiled back, then looked ahead to Riku and Namine, who walked between them and Even. Riku still seemed at ease, holding himself straighter than he normally did. Namine, however, appeared significantly less at ease. She'd been all smiles on the way here, but now there was a certain… tenseness in her shoulders.

Leon wondered if it was directly related to Riku. Or maybe it had something to do with Castle Oblivion?

Or… perhaps it was part of the trend he'd been seeing in her lately. The way she always seemed to be on edge, at least when she wasn't filled with exhaustion. It was a familiar trend, unfortunately. One Leon had seen in both Rinoa and Aerith, at different points in their lives. He'd wondered lately, if he should approach her about it. He just hadn't figured out how, yet. (Maybe he should ask Aerith's opinion…)

They arrived at their destination before Leon could think about it any further.

"Well, the editing room is going to be crowded, as Aerith and Namine might remember," Even said, still with that pleasant smile. "It may have held seven of us last time, but it wasn't exactly a comfortable fit, and since this is going to take a couple hours…" He trailed off there, his point made.

Leon subconsciously thumped the books he was carrying (his and Aerith's), against his thigh. They'd come prepared for that, too. Namine had her bag slung over her shoulder.

"So," Even gestured into the room they were standing outside of, which was empty save a couch and a few desk chairs, "the three of you can wait in here, and Riku and I—as well as Vexen and 7—will be down the hall. Alright?"

No one had any objections, though Aerith stopped Riku before he left.

"Are you sure you'll be okay, on your own?" she asked him. "I'm sure there'd be enough room for one of us to come sit in there with you, if…"

Riku shook his head, smiling. He looked confident, relaxed. "Nah, I'll be fine. No worries!" He flashed a winning smile at her that Sora might be jealous of. "And I really, _really _mean that."

Aerith nodded. "Alright. If you're sure."

She let Riku go.

The couch in the room wasn't a very _big _couch, so Leon let Aerith and Namine have it, taking a chair for himself. It was easier on his gunblade, anyway. He passed Aerith her book, then cracked open his own.

He wasn't sure how long they sat there, reading and making idle conversation. He just knew it can't have been more than an hour later when Aerith stood up.

Her face was very pale. She was gripping her staff. Her book lay discarded on the floor.

"Something's wrong," she said.

There was a distant look in her eyes. Leon knew it well.

He placed his book on the floor, too—there was really nowhere else—getting to his feet. His hand moved to his gunblade, though he did not draw it.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Is it Riku?" Namine asked.

Aerith didn't answer either of them, didn't have the chance to.

There was a shout, and a loud crash down the hallway.

They all ran.

**xxx**

Even moved away from Riku and back to his computer, nodding to himself. There were three computers in this room, one on either side of the table on which Riku lay, then up against the wall, in line with the foot of the table. Even had the one on the left, 7 had the one on the right, and Vexen was at the one by the wall.

Things were going well. They'd translated his code fine, and installed the Darkness Protection Protocols. All that was left was to do was look at his darkness and edit out any excess. And… perhaps run the Repair Program on him, or something. Even wasn't _quite _sure what to do about the purple patches on Riku's skin yet.

Well, if he couldn't come up with something, 7 would for sure.

Confident in that, Even leaned into his computer screen, focusing his mind on the task at hand.

That's when a dark corridor opened behind him.

"It's been a long time, old friend," came a voice.

Even swore his stomach tried to rip itself out of his body. He had to put both hands on the desk before him to brace himself, choking down the bile that had jumped into his throat. Was that fear or disgust burning in his chest? He wasn't sure.

Even turned around.

Standing there was Xehanort.

_Xehanort._

He held himself casually, a smile that some might describe as _pleasant _on his face. Even wasn't fooled.

Heart in his throat, Even threw himself forward. He knew how fast Xehanort could be, when he wanted to be, and there was no time to lose. He got in between Xehanort and Riku, and thankfully, between Xehanort and 7 as well.

"7!" he shouted. "Emergency protocols! _Now!_"

"B-b-b-but _sir!_" was 7's frantic response. "That's—"

"_GO, _7!"

There was a moment of hesitation, and then Even heard a dark corridor open. He glanced over his shoulder just long enough to make sure it _was _7 leaving—it was. He let out something of a sigh of relief. That was one less thing to worry about.

(Of course, the Emergency Protocols would affect Riku now, too. They'd affect everyone. But—it was for the best. A deactivated Replica could be reactivated. If he survived this to reactivate them. Would he survive this? He should have entrusted the protocols to someone else, someone who wasn't a Replica, but there'd never been anyone else and—It didn't matter. It was better than anything Xehanort could dream of doing to them. He was still certain of that.)

Even's eyes darted over to Vexen. He had backpedaled away from his computer. Now he stood with one hand against the wall, supporting himself, his other hand clutching his chest. Pure terror was written across his face.

Even did not—could not—blame him. He may not have had to worry about 7, or any of his Replicas, now. But his heart was hammering, and he trembled where he stood.

Xehanort just smiled a little wider.

"I'm not here for your Program, Even," he said, like he was addressing an old friend. There was almost a _kindness _in his eyes. "I'm just here for Riku."

"Well it's- it's a good thing you aren't getting either!" Even snapped back, summoning his shield to him. He wanted to attack, but he wasn't stupid. He wouldn't hit Xehanort, and moving to attack would just leave himself open, as well as leave Riku unguarded.

(_Could _Xehanort do anything to Riku, if he was deactivated? It didn't matter. Even would not take his chances. And besides, there was no telling how long 7 would hesitate, anyway.)

"Wh- what do you _want _him for?" Vexen stammered, breathless, pale as a sheet. He looked like he might actually faint.

"Like you need to know!" came another voice. Braig's voice.

Suddenly Braig was there, in the corner to Even's left. He had not arrived through a dark corridor. He hung upside down in the air, guns ready.

Even calculated his odds. They had plummeted significantly with Braig's arrival.

Even took a deep breath, and summoned his energy to him. If he could freeze the room, or coat it with ice, then—

Braig fired a round of bullets at him. Even had to move, just a few inches, to shift his shield into a better position to deflect them.

That was all Xehanort needed.

He stepped to the side, then forward. Darkness burned in his hand. He raked it up Even's back.

Even cried out in agony. Darkness burned his skin as the force of the blow threw him forward. He had the presence of mind for just long enough to consider casting a cure. He didn't get the chance to. The moment he hit the ground, he blacked out.


	68. um

Leon skidded to a halt. He stared into the room before him, heart leaping into his throat. _Xehanort _stood dead-center of the room (he recognized that face—Xehanort _had _been one of Ansem's apprentices, way back when). Even lay crumpled on the floor. Vexen cowered against the wall. Braig—another of Ansem's old apprentices—stood in the corner of the room, shooting bullets occasionally at Vexen to keep him in place.

Riku was still asleep, laid out on a table. He appeared to be okay. But…

Beside him, Aerith gasped. Namine, from a little behind him, let out a strained sound like a whimper.

"I'm sorry," she choked. "I'm _sorry_."

And before Leon had even fully turned around, she'd vanished through a dark corridor.

"Namine?" Aerith's voice. Worried.

"It's- she's probably-" Leon struggled to say. Except he wasn't sure. Except there wasn't time to deal with it. Xehanort was _right there _and Riku wasn't even awake and— (And Xehanort had killed Zack. And Xehanort had tried to do something to Cloud, before that. They didn't know what they just knew he'd tried and _why was Xehanort HERE?_)

"Right," Aerith said. She must have followed one of his trains of thought.

Braig had noticed them, pointed them out to Xehanort. Xehanort was turning, exasperation on his face. Aerith stepped forward, staff gripped tightly in her hands.

"Holy," she whispered, and the spell burst forth from her, light spilling towards Xehanort.

But there was a rush of movement.

A gleam of metal.

When the light cleared, a figure stood between Aerith and Xehanort.

Roxas.

There was a crooked grin stretched grossly across his face, and a glint in his now-golden eyes. His hair was white. He held his Keyblades in an X before him, blocking the brunt of the blow. The blades had been black and white, the last time Leon had seen Roxas. But the white one was gone, now, replaced with a silver one that was all sharp edges and angles, a diamond making its teeth.

"Hey," Roxas said, pleasantly, though there was nothing pleasant in that smile. He stepped into the doorway, twirling his blades as he brought them to his sides. "Good to see you again."

Leon reached for his gunblade, mind spinning. There was a lot of things to think, a lot to be worried about. But most importantly:

Xehanort was turning back towards Riku. Roxas stood in the way.

Leon turned to Aerith.

Their eyes locked. And in that split second, a plan was formed. It was easy to do that, when you'd known someone your entire life. It was easier to do that, when you'd fought side by side with them for more than a third of it.

Leon abandoned his gunblade for a moment. He bent down, hands cupped together before him. Aerith stepped into them. With a little strength and a little magic, he boosted her into the air.

She leapt easily over Roxas.

Roxas watched her go, but didn't seem to care. He can't have, with the way he turned back to Leon near-immediately, still grinning, eyes burning for a fight.

(That left Aerith alone with Xehanort—but, she'd be fine. She had to be fine.)

Leon leapt away from Roxas to give himself some more space. He pulled out his gunblade and readied it. He breathed.

He shot off a blast of Fire. Roxas blocked it with spiraling Keyblades, running forward. He threw a Keyblade at Leon. Leon jumped back, but Roxas was there, Roxas was already there, smashing his other blade into him.

Leon cried out and reached out a hand to catch himself before he smashed his head into the wall. Roxas moved backwards, _laughing._

"Ohhhh, I forgot how good it felt to fight a _real person_," Roxas sang. "Heartless are fun, but not this much fun."

His eyes were slanted with how wide he was grinning, and there was some kind of _joy _on his face. It made Leon uneasy.

"You ready to dance?" Roxas called.

Leon took a step back (this was bad, they were in a hallway, there was not a lot of room and Roxas kept _pushing him back_—) thoughts racing. He thought about Roxas, and thought about the last time they'd met. This expression was familiar, but Roxas's eyes were not gold, then. Roxas's hair was still blonde, then.

But the expression was the same. So was the slur in his voice. The _enjoyment _and _satisfaction _that burned in his eyes—that was the same, too. This was exactly the same way he'd looked, body leaning forward like a snake, head cocked, watching Riku as those terrible, _terrible _words left his mouth.

"Roxas," Leon said. He'd dealt with something like this before. It had been a very long time, since Rinoa and Adel… He did not know Roxas that well, either. But…

Roxas just laughed.

"What, you think something's wrong, pretty boy?" he asked. Leon did not know how it was possible for him to grin any wider, but he did.

Roxas threw both of his Keyblades. Leon jumped to the side of one, ducked under the other. But they ricocheted off the walls.

"Roxas, this isn't," Leon tried, as he stepped and swerved to avoid the blades. It was hard. They were moving so fast, and this hallway was so small. One of them clipped his ankle.

"What, isn't me?" Roxas laughed heartily. "How would _you _know? You only met me three days ago! And, news flash." He leaned a little forward, summoning one of his blades back to him. "This _is _who I am, now. This is who I was always meant to be."

"Roxas—"

"C'mere, pretty boy," Roxas sang. "I'll give you another scar to match that one." He quickly traced a finger across the bride of his nose—an opposite mirror of the way Leon's scar went. Then he summoned his other blade.

Leon growled. (If Roxas hit where he wanted to, that'd make an X across his face, and _no thanks_.) He held his gunblade up, flicked the revolver to load. He leveled the weapon at Roxas. Fired.

**xxx**

Aerith's feet touched the ground on the other side of Roxas. This left Leon on his own, but. He'd be fine. Leon would be fine. And she—there wasn't time to worry about it.

Aerith straightened. Before Xehanort could turn, she fired another Holy at him.

He still felt it coming.

Bringing up a wall of darkness with his hand, he caught the Holy and tossed it aside. But he was distracted for just long enough. Aerith ran, sliding in between Riku and Xehanort. And then…

Well, it was an easy decision, really.

She reached behind her and cast Wall on Riku. Then a regular Barrier, to reinforce it. Then an M-Barrier, to reinforce it more. She stacked more and more protect spells on him, as many as she felt she could afford.

Xehanort was approaching her, now.

Aerith closed her hands around her staff. She knew she didn't have a lot of options—there wasn't enough in her for _another _Holy, and he'd probably deflect it again even if she could cast it. But, options or no, she wasn't going to budge.

She wasn't going to let him get Riku.

Xehanort stopped, feet spread slightly apart. He held himself casually, but also in a way Aerith knew meant he was ready for battle at any second. He looked down on her. Impatience burned in his eyes.

"Get out of the way," he said. His tone was almost kind.

"No."

Aerith swung her staff to crack against his side. He caught it before it hit him. Twisted it away as he stepped back. He moved with the fluidity of someone who'd done this a million times before.

"Well," he sighed. "I asked nicely."

Aerith poured Fire down the length of her staff. Xehanort dropped it before it could burn him. He took another step back.

Looking only disinterested, really, not even angry, he made a motion with his hand.

Something ripped in the air next to Aerith.

_Literally, _she saw as she turned. A hole had been ripped in the fabric of space beside her. And from that hole shot the purple hand of some beast she couldn't see.

(Knowing of Summons and other terrible creatures, Aerith wasn't sure she wanted to see the rest.)

She made to block it, but it was too fast. It caught her by the torso, the hand big enough to wrap around her easily. It slammed her into the wall.

Aerith squirmed. It was too strong, its grip too tight. Slowly, it squeezed.

Aerith coughed through constricted lungs. Ran through her options.

A Cure wouldn't help.

It was too late for a Barrier.

Her vision was darkening.

There was nothing she could do.

She lost consciousness.


	69. UHHHHHHHHHHH

Xehanort cast his eyes down to the Gainsborough girl (he remembered the Gainsboroughs, vaguely,) at his feet, eyebrows raised. He pressed his toe into her side—She wasn't dead. Just unconscious. That was probably for the best. Rewriting would do a lot, as far as keeping Riku under control, but Xehanort would rather not test his odds. Killing Riku's family might do more harm than good, in the end.

(There was a reason he avoided talking about Xion with Roxas.)

He banished the hand he'd summoned, grateful it had come. After all, its pact was with Terra, not with him. But creatures of darkness tended to recognize power. They jumped when told to. That was something he'd always appreciated.

Xehanort turned to look at Vexen—Vexen, from another universe!—to make sure of where he was. He was still cowering behind his shield.

"Don't worry boss," Braig laughed, sensing Xehanort's thoughts. "I've got him pinned here. No problem-o!"

Xehanort chuckled under his breath. Braig definitely _did _have it under control, that was for certain. A nonstop stream of bullets was keeping Vexen where he was. Or, for now, anyway. Xehanort would not assume Braig could keep him there forever, though.

The only threat left was the Gainsborough boy, but he was out in the hall with Roxas. And, from the feel of things inside his chest—the resonation with the bit of his heart that sat inside Roxas—things were going well for Roxas, too. So Xehanort didn't have to worry about the Gainsborough boy.

All obstacles now out of the way, Xehanort strode over to the other side of the table Riku was laid out on. There was no one sprawled on the floor, on this side.

He reached out and tapped at the air around Riku. A Barrier was still up. A strong one, too, from the feel of it. But…

Xehanort summoned his Keyblade to him. This was a cruder use for the blade, but nonetheless still in its nature.

Gathering his own energy to punctuate the blow, Xehanort brought his Keyblade down hard against the Barrier. It buckled. Shattered.

Finally.

He took a moment to study Riku, study the boy that was about to be his next vessel. He'd lusted after Riku's power for a very, _very _long time. It was nice, to finally have it within his grasp. And better yet was the thought that soon enough not just Riku's heart, but also Riku's _mind _would be something he could reshape with his hands, into any image he wanted.

That really was the perk to Replicas.

There really was no such thing as an unwilling vessel, when it came to them.

Xehanort flipped the Keyblade around in his hand, pointing it at his own chest. It still took a fair amount of concentration: to carve out only a piece of his own heart while still leaving enough behind in his body. But he'd gone through the motions twice, now, and it was getting easier.

A speck of light, a piece of his heart, flowed freely out of his chest.

Xehanort banished his Keyblade and cradled the shard of his life in an open palm.

"S- Stay away from him!" came a panicked shout from Vexen.

Xehanort turned his gaze over to him, careful not to lose focus on what he held in his hand as he did so. Heart magic was a very, _very _delicate thing.

Vexen had straightened a little, and maybe moved a step closer.

"Braig," Xehanort said.

"I've _got _it," was Braig's response, exasperated. He fired off another round of bullets, pushing Vexen back into the wall. "Don't you trust me?"

If Xehanort was not so focused, he might have laughed.

Of course he trusted Braig.

After all, it was no different than trusting himself.

Satisfied Braig would keep things under control, Xehanort returned to the task at hand. He took a careful breath. Pushed the piece of his heart slowly, _gently_, into Riku's chest.

There was a little more magic to do here, but most of it was just willpower, finding a place to fit in a foreign space. But 37 had installed the protocols as he'd been told. So there should already be a hole slotted out for Xehanort.

Except…

Something was wrong.

Xehanort found he couldn't quite get a foothold. What had been easy with Roxas now was not. There was no hole carved out for him. And when he tried to carve one with his own hands, his own magic, he found he couldn't.

It was like there was a _lock _around Riku's heart.

Well, anything that was locked could be _un_locked.

Xehanort pulled his heart back out of Riku, seeing as it wasn't going to stay there, anyway. He shifted it over to his left hand, careful not to lose hold of it. Hearts like to wander. He had to keep concentrating, lest it slip off.

He summoned his Keyblade back to his right hand. Plunged it into Riku's heart. It would not hurt him, of course. Keyblades were a weapon, yes, but they were also a tool. Very good at unlocking hearts, at creating new pathways within them, at doing things that heart magic alone could not.

It was a little difficult, splitting his concentration two ways like this, but Xehanort did not allow himself to falter.

Using the Keyblade, he probed around in Riku's heart, trying to get a feel for what was going on.

If there was a lock, it was not magic in nature. Xehanort certainly could not _sense _a lock, at any rate. Still, he went through the motions of unlocking, for good measure. A rush of magic. A twist of the Keyblade, before pulling it back out.

He doubted it had made a difference, but Xehanort guided his heart back into Riku's chest anyway. It would not hurt to try again.

Still, though, it was like trying to find footing on ice. Or trying to scale a sheer wall. There were no cracks for him to slip into, and attempts to make any still proved impossible. There was some kind of force, too, that he could feel now. It kept pushing him back. Out. Away.

Xehanort knew a lost cause when he saw one.

He pulled the fragment of his heart out of Riku and returned it to his own chest, shaking his head. It was very strange. 37… _had _installed the protocols, hadn't he? Because if he hadn't…

Xehanort pushed that thought out of his mind, for the moment.

"Braig," he said. "Time to leave."

"Uh-oh." There was a warping of the space in the room, then Braig was standing at the foot of the table, his single eye creased with worry as he considered Xehanort. "I ain't fond of that look."

"Things just didn't go like they were supposed to," Xehanort said, with a sigh and a shrug. He was disappointed, for sure, but there was no need to get upset about it. He could always try again, some other time.

Braig clucked his tongue and groaned, though, much more distressed by the matter. (Xehanort could feel that, as well as see it.) "Aw, _man, _guess that means we aren't up to four after all."

"It was probably too much to ask to get two in the span of a week," Xehanort said, folding his arms over his chest, smiling.

Braig nodded at that. "Yeah, probably," he agreed. "Anyway, you wanna get the loose cannon," he jabbed his thumb in Roxas's direction, "or should I?"

"I'll get him." Roxas was more likely to listen to him, anyway.

'Loose cannon' was not an inaccurate term to describe Roxas with, not in the slightest. There was a hunger burning in him. A hunger for battle, for a challenge—a hunger Xehanort saw no need to stifle. It made him relentless. That was good.

Most of the time.

Stepping into the hall, Xehanort found the Gainsborough boy on the ground, looking badly beaten. Roxas towered above him, Keyblades raised to kill. There was no doubting that, with how his intentions resonated within Xehanort's own heart.

"Roxas!" Xehanort called.

Roxas turned his head over his shoulder, but didn't move otherwise. He was still poised to strike.

"We're leaving," Xehanort continued.

"_What_?" Roxas let his blades fall back to his sides, stepping away from the Gainsborough boy. "But, we _totally _won."

"Not a true victory," Xehanort said. "I wasn't able to take over Riku's heart."

Roxas's face scrunched up. "Oh. Lame." His eyes darted back to the Gainsborough boy, fingers twitching on his blade. "Should I kill 'im?" he asked. Good, that he asked permission.

Xehanort shook his head. "That won't be necessary."

Roxas balked.

"Oh, come on!" he protested. They were still working on that. "You know he's gonna be a nuisance later, boss. They're all gonna be! I say we get rid of 'em now."

Xehanort laughed to himself. Like Roxas knew what was best.

"And I say, if we're to get Riku on our side, we won't do it by killing his family."

Perhaps, with other people, that would work. But Riku was very loyal, and not quick to forgiveness. He would not forget someone who had hurt one of his loved ones. Xehanort doubted he'd be willing to work with them, either. No amount of rearranging his heart or editing his data could change that.

"But—" Roxas began.

"Come. We're leaving."

Roxas hesitated a moment, a rage burning in him, hands tightening on his blades. Xehanort wondered if he'd dare to disobey. It would be unfortunate but… It would also be very interesting. Xehanort watched carefully.

Roxas let out a huff, but banished his Keyblades.

"Aye _sir_," he spat, slinking over. It was biting, it was sarcastic. But he'd listened.

"Should we take him with us?" Braig asked, when they stepped back into the room. He had one gun trained on Vexen, and his eye on Riku.

Xehanort shook his head. "No."

He doubted removing Riku from here would make any difference. Keeping him locked up would just be bothersome, anyway.

"And the other one?" Braig pressed.

Xehanort didn't need him to elaborate. He felt Braig's mind shift to Vexen, even if Braig did not move. He also knew what Braig was thinking of—their old plans to make this Vexen build a new Replica Program for them. It still had merit, and Xehanort admitted this Vexen was most likely to, if they could make anyone do it.

But at the moment… They didn't need him.

So Xehanort shook his head again.

Braig shrugged.

"Alright." He lowered his gun. "Let's get going, then."

Xehanort opened the dark corridor.


End file.
